milk bags

Milk Bags

The bags, for the confused, are a plastic bag that holds 4 litres of milk, separated into smaller clear bags. No, not four 1-litre bags, silly, 3 1.3-litre bags. If you want 1 litre, go buy a carton or a jug. But you should know that we only keep those around for Americans coming up north to shop, just so we can post the security camera footage to yankeefails.ca, the most popular website in Canada. There's a video going viral right now of Americans trying to drive in August without snow tires, and it's a laugh riot. I'd post a link to it, but it would come up 404 for anybody outside the country. Don't try to use a proxy either, we're one step ahead of you. We are always one step ahead of you, as evidenced by our superior milk conveyance technology.

Once you have bought the bag and removed a smaller bag, you put it in a pitcher. No, you don't pour the milk into the pitcher, moron, you put the entire bag into a pitcher specially designed to keep 1.333 litre bags upright. Don't have one? Go buy one. You going to complain that you have to buy glasses to drink out of, too? What's next, buying car seat covers and then complaining that you can't use them without a car? You sicken me.

This system is obviously superior to any other milk pitcher used in the rest of the world. You want to be the one washing a pitcher every couple of days? Of course not. With every new bag you take a pair of scissors and snip the corner of the bag to make a pouring spout. This way you get a pristine, untouched spout every 1.333333333 litres, and it's to your exact specifications. Do you want it so narrow that the pressure shoots the milk out in an arc over your cereal bowl and across the table, or do you want it so wide that half the milk pours out at once, causing the bag to collapse and flop out of the pitcher and onto the floor, bursting and spilling the rest? The choice is yours, and the choice is those two.

No, there is no way to reseal the bag. Fuck you.