Understanding each other (LC11)

[18:53] * stanzicApparati has joined the side-memo!
[18:53] * esotericRemnant has joined the sidememo
[18:54] <stanzicApparati> So
[18:54] <@tenebrousPsycher> hello.
[18:54] <esotericRemnant> So?
[18:57] <@tenebrousPsycher> there has been a thing that happened.
[18:58] <stanzicApparati> What's the thing?
[19:00] <@tenebrousPsycher> when you had your knight syndrome.
[19:00] <@tenebrousPsycher> how much of that did you read, Scott?
[19:00] <esotericRemnant> hmm?
[19:00] <esotericRemnant> How much of what did I read?
[19:02] <@tenebrousPsycher> the night I told you to go check on Zeimah when her Knight Syndrome hit.
[19:02] <esotericRemnant> None I think? Not that I remember, that was months ago
[19:04] <@tenebrousPsycher> and yet you still hold a grudge for that?
[19:05] <esotericRemnant> hmm?
[19:05] <stanzicApparati> ?
[19:05] <stanzicApparati> Why would you hold a grudge over that?
[19:06] <@tenebrousPsycher> I saw you in the bubbles. your expression of distaste.
[19:06] <esotericRemnant> Look, let me make this abundantly clear
[19:07] <esotericRemnant> I don't like you, but it is not for one specific incident
[19:07] <esotericRemnant> You try to be too familiar, to reach for things you shouldn't. You have hurt me and mine because of it.
[19:08] <@tenebrousPsycher> that had not been apparent to me before that happened that you had ever had any dislike of me.
[19:08] <esotericRemnant> And despite my distaste. I will deal with you because it is expected of me. If you are hurt I will help you as best as I am able.
[19:09] <esotericRemnant> Am I understood?
[19:09] <@tenebrousPsycher> I understand more now.
[19:10] <@tenebrousPsycher> any distaste on your side I didn't get at all until you blew up at me that night.
[19:11] <@tenebrousPsycher> so that was how it seemed to me. yes, I have overreached. I still do it sometimes and I've been trying to do that far less than I did before.
[19:11] <esotericRemnant> That was politeness. Because for some reason, Rigel considers you a friend.
[19:13] <esotericRemnant> I will continue to be polite. But don't ever mistake that for friendliness.
[19:13] <@tenebrousPsycher> Rigel is a good man. we've had stumbles but we remain friends and likely will for a long time, Skaia willing.
[19:13] <@tenebrousPsycher> I will not make that mistake again, for however much your politeness stings.
[19:14] <@tenebrousPsycher> even if you have no respect for me as a person, I do have the utmost respect for you.
[19:14] <@tenebrousPsycher> and respected your decisions when others didn't.
[19:17] <@tenebrousPsycher> I still respect your knowledge and your capabilities as a doctor. you have no idea, do you?
[19:18] <@tenebrousPsycher> you'd likely just say you had never asked for it.
[19:18] <@tenebrousPsycher> that you didn't need it or anything from me.
[19:18] <esotericRemnant> Is there a point to this
[19:19] <@tenebrousPsycher> I'm sorry if I'm not entirely straight forward as a Witch.
[19:23] <tenebrousPsycher> there is. I do not expect you to be my friend. I do not expect you to even get along with me.
[19:23] <tenebrousPsycher> I have learned a fair bit about you. out of curiousity, what do you know of me?
[19:24] <tenebrousPsycher> and what do my actions suggest to you?
[19:25] <esotericRemnant> So what do you expect of me
[19:30] <tenebrousPsycher> some honesty. because to be honest? until that night? I had thought there had been something that could have been friendship and I guess I felt shocked and hurt.
[19:31] <tenebrousPsycher> which brings me back to what I asked.
[19:31] <tenebrousPsycher> what do you even know of me?
[19:32] <esotericRemnant> Lets see, native Maid of  o d. Loss memories of your native, effectively raised on Derse though you don't remember that either.
[19:33] <esotericRemnant> Killed atleast one person in your second where you were a Prince of Coins. They probably deserved it because they were the reason that paticular session was glitchy.
[19:34] <esotericRemnant> Currently in session with Rigel as a Witch of Rhyme. Put him and the rest of the session in danger because of your actions with the Azurite. He had to go clean that up, and even though we know now that he is effectively immortal until his session with Adam, you didn't know that
[19:35] <esotericRemnant> Promised to stay out of the way with another trouble player then proceeded to go back on your word and was there for it
[19:35] <esotericRemnant> Should I continue?
[19:38] <tenebrousPsycher> I had good information on Qetesh. we had no idea if she'd activate or not. I didn't want her /dead/ and yes, I should have told people my plans but I am also a Cryptic. was it stupid? yes, it was! and I paid for it, as well as with Emile. I know for a fact the latter has no hard feelings on me and while yes, it was a mistake with Qetesh, that's an Azurite that can't ever hurt or kill any other.
[19:38] <tenebrousPsycher> I have made mistakes.
[19:38] <tenebrousPsycher> serious ones.
[19:39] <tenebrousPsycher> I am also on my third session with far less world experience than most players. only a few get as total a memory wipe as mine. while yes, I do overreach, that's because I don't understand people.
[19:40] <tenebrousPsycher> I don't expect to be liked, I don't expect much.
[19:41] <tenebrousPsycher> but please do not patronize me with fake civility.
[19:41] <esotericRemnant> Heres a life lesson for you then
[19:41] <esotericRemnant> It is not patronization
[19:41] <tenebrousPsycher> really.
[19:41] <esotericRemnant> Everyone has to deal with people they don't like, and they are polite because thats what is expected
[19:43] <esotericRemnant> There are expectations placed on me because of my position here. And that includes a certain level of civility
[19:45] <tenebrousPsycher> so, there was no point at which you could have mentioned before then that 'I don't actually care, I'm just polite as you're Rigel's friend'?
[19:46] <tenebrousPsycher> that's not polite. that's just cold.
[19:46] <tenebrousPsycher> silence can be just as much a lie as any words.
[19:48] <esotericRemnant> I'm sorry, I wasn't aware it was my responsibility to tell everyone that came into the chat that "Hey, I don't actually care, I'm just being polite"
[19:48] <tenebrousPsycher> no, all the times that I PMed you and tried to get to actually /know/ /you/.
[19:49] <esotericRemnant> And that isn't true anyways. I do care, I would rather see a life saved than wasted
[19:49] <tenebrousPsycher> and get you and Rigel talking again.
[19:49] <tenebrousPsycher> and defend you to people who misunderstand what I thought you were about.
[19:49] <esotericRemnant> We were always going to talk
[19:49] <esotericRemnant> We're brothers
[19:50] <tenebrousPsycher> right.
[19:51] <esotericRemnant> And I do not need you or anyone else defending me
[19:51] <tenebrousPsycher> I knew you would say that and no, strictly, you don't.
[19:53] <tenebrousPsycher> you come off as cold. a stone. you love the people you love very strongly, with great conviction. you are not a stone, but fuck if you are one cold dude to the people you decide aren't worth your time.
[19:53] <tenebrousPsycher> thank you for your time. I'm sorry to have wasted it.
[19:54] <esotericRemnant> If you understand me better, than it wasn't wasted.
[19:55] <tenebrousPsycher> nobody expects you to be polite. they expect a geniune effort for neutrality. that is what a moderator does. they are not always polite and your politeness as it stands can shove right off.
[19:56] <tenebrousPsycher> I am done here. I have some kids to send off.
[19:56] * tenebrousPsycher has disconnected from servers!
[19:58] <esotericRemnant> Anything from you Zeimah?
[20:02] <stanzicApparati> Asides from that she has a point about you coming off as cold, if someone doesn't count as one of yours? And that it isn't her fault I tipped over into Knight Syndrome?
[20:04] <stanzicApparati> Just that you're a remarkably stubborn man sometimes. And sometimes, that's a good thing - you'd probably be doing yourself some serious long-term damage, otherwise, considering the state of your land.
[20:06] <esotericRemnant> Okay, maybe that paticular incident isn't her fault. But the other things I brought up? And whatever she did that she told you about? Is that not her fault too?
[20:08] <stanzicApparati> Do you know /which/ Carapaces raised her?
[20:09] <esotericRemnant> Derse agents if I recall correctly
[20:09] <stanzicApparati> The Midnight Crew and the Black Queen.
[20:10] <esotericRemnant> And that makes it more forgivable?
[20:11] <esotericRemnant> People are the victim of their circumstances all the time. It may make it more understandable, but no less forgivable.
[20:12] <stanzicApparati> She also didn't have a Guardian in the waking world.
[20:13] <stanzicApparati> And she's /admitting/ her mistakes and trying to learn better.
[20:16] <esotericRemnant> Fair enough
[20:16] <esotericRemnant> But I'm not going to change. Yes, I am cold.
[20:16] <esotericRemnant> That is who I am
[20:18] <stanzicApparati> I know.
[20:19] <esotericRemnant> Like I said
[20:20] <esotericRemnant> I wasn't aware that it was my resposibility to tell people everything I am feeling, nor am I going to.
[20:21] <esotericRemnant> I am not going to coddle her ignorance
[20:30] <esotericRemnant> Anyways, I have had a long day and a headache. I'm going to head off
[20:31] <stanzicApparati> Okay.
[20:32] <stanzicApparati> [You don't ask if you'll be having dinner with him tonight.]
[20:32] <stanzicApparati> [You're not sure you want to know the answer.]
[20:33] <esotericRemnant> Are you mad with me?
[20:33] <stanzicApparati> No.
[20:33] <stanzicApparati> Mostly I'm just very tired and running low on spoons.
[20:33] <esotericRemnant> Yeah, me too
[20:34] * esotericRemnant hugs
[20:34] * stanzicApparati hugs
[20:34] <stanzicApparati> Go sleep. I hope your headache's gone when you wake up.
[20:34] <esotericRemnant> Anything I can do?
[20:41] * stanzicApparati hugs
[20:41] <stanzicApparati> Not right now, no. But thank you.
[20:41] * esotericRemnant hugs
[20:41] <esotericRemnant> Alright
[20:41] <esotericRemnant> Love you
[20:42] <stanzicApparati> Love you too <3
[20:42] <esotericRemnant> <3
[20:42] * esotericRemnant has left the sidememo
[20:43] * stanzicApparati has closed the side-memo!