I'm really upset
livvy - Yesterday at 12:33 AM
why
jamal - Yesterday at 12:35 AM
I'm not sure but I feel like I'm trying to convey to you that I need some support and I'm not getting it and its really bothering me
and I don't wanna start with you over some shit that doesnt have to do w you so ima go to bed
livvy - Yesterday at 12:36 AM
lmfao
you literally just did
jamal - Yesterday at 12:36 AM
no I didn't I'm just saying it so you know
livvy - Yesterday at 12:36 AM
no you did
jamal - Yesterday at 12:37 AM
ok liv well good night
livvy - Yesterday at 12:37 AM
no tell me how me asking what’s making you upset isn’t supportive
are you really gonna sit here and tell me i’m not being supportive over a literal 3 word exchange we just had two minutes ago? honestly nvm don’t even answer that goodnight
jamal - Yesterday at 12:38 AM
no its not that
I told you like an hour ago I was upset
livvy - Yesterday at 12:39 AM
and i said
we did not have to watch the skeleton key if you were upset
and you said no i’m fine
jamal - Yesterday at 12:39 AM
and the last time I was feeling fucked up you hit me with a "well if you need anything let me know"
livvy - Yesterday at 12:39 AM
why would i take no i’m fine as a cue to keep pestering you about it
jamal - Yesterday at 12:40 AM
right and me leaving and not being able to watch it should have been a clue that maybs I wasnt fine
Idk youre just a shitty partney emotionally and I dont mind it cause I mostly dont need you for that and have ash but wtf
livvy - Yesterday at 12:41 AM
nope
no
i’m not participating in this conversation goodnight
jamal - Yesterday at 12:42 AM
its true I'm not even being an asshole. thats your your skillset and normally it's fine but tonight it isnt
livvy - Yesterday at 12:42 AM
jamal
i am so serious
stop
jamal - Yesterday at 12:44 AM
im sick of just never having conversations that I need to because you don't have the range. i feel unsupported and I feel like you don't care about my emotional self or connecting in any kind of deep way that go beyond our surface interests. now I can go to bed
goodnight
livvy - Yesterday at 12:45 AM
if i’m a shitty partner emotionally and you “don’t need me for that cause you have ash” then honestly
whatever
you do the fucking math on that one
goodnight
jamal - Yesterday at 12:45 AM
its true
its always bothered me I just don't bother you about it because I get its not your personality
livvy - Yesterday at 12:46 AM
leave me alone go away goodbye
jamal - Yesterday at 12:47 AM
how the FUCK do you end up mad at me when you're the one who fucked up
livvy - Yesterday at 12:48 AM
maybe you should go talk to ashlea about it
jamal - Yesterday at 12:48 AM
youre not a sensitive or intuitive person and you dont make me feel safe to open up and I'm laying it all out there because I'm mad af about it. what do I have to do fly a fucking blimp over your head
I tried shes asleep.
were best friends I have the time of my life with you, you make me laugh like no one else but I don't feel safe and I don't feel like youre in tuned to me and Im angry with you because of it
and I'm being mean but I swear its the truth and tonight isnt the first time ive sought out someone else to lay my burden on but wtf. what is the point of a relationship if I cant tell you shit because I don't know if you'll care or understand
livvy - Yesterday at 12:52 AM
yeah jamal
what is the point
jamal - Yesterday at 12:52 AM
tell me cause idk
livvy - Yesterday at 12:53 AM
i’m not doing this with you, i’m not gonna do the thing where we act like i don’t fucking care about you because you got in your feelings over a movie
it’s offensive and untrue
and you know it is
and i’m not doing it
jamal - Yesterday at 12:53 AM
i'm not saying you don't care about me
i'm saying you're shitty at conveying it in ways i need sometimes
livvy - Yesterday at 12:55 AM
ok
jamal - Yesterday at 1:00 AM
good talk
livvy - Yesterday at 1:01 AM
it wasn’t but i told you i wasn’t doing this conversation and i meant it, i don’t have a single thing to say to you right now that is productive in any way
two fucking weeks ago you sat in my room and told me how safe you feel and how much we’ve grown and how we trust each other so much more and now i’m a shitty emotional partner??? are you joking?
leave me alone
jamal - Yesterday at 1:03 AM
i trust that you won''t lose your shit and back out of plans or try to break up with me or say wild insensitive shit
but do i trust you with my own story of my psychotic abusive mom that that stupid ass movie drug up for me
no
and that's the problem
because i should
and i want to
but you're on a different fucking planet. the rare moments i do wanna open up to you, you're either dismissive or oblivious
you don't have that instinct or that ability and i have come to accept it and love you despite it but you let me fucking down sometimes, i can say that w/o you threatening to break up with me over it
livvy - Yesterday at 1:05 AM
nobody is threatening anything but idk why you think “you’re a shitty emotional partner compared to ashlea” is cool to say even if you are mad at me
jamal - Yesterday at 1:06 AM
you are, and there are things ashlea is shitty at compared to you wtf are you talking about
livvy - Yesterday at 1:06 AM
actually no i’m sorry it was you’re a shitty emotional partner but i don’t need you for that
jamal - Yesterday at 1:06 AM
we don't have those kinds of conversations, about our trauma, about how to heal from it
me and ash do
livvy - Yesterday at 1:06 AM
imagine lmao if i was like
jamal - Yesterday at 1:06 AM
that's all i was saying
livvy - Yesterday at 1:07 AM
you know jamal you’re shitty at the fundamentals of this relationship but it’s fine i don’t need you for that
i just keep you around to fuck and laugh at i guess
jamal - Yesterday at 1:08 AM
yeah it'd be fucking hurtful but it wouldn't make it untrue
and you WOULDN'T say that because i've always been the one thirsty for more emotional connection more emotional conversations more understanding between us
and you are always have always been WILL ALWAYS BE the one running away from that and shutting it down
you're not built for it and it's FINE i just never get to release my frustrations about that but tonight i'm tired of just going to bed
livvy - Yesterday at 1:12 AM
first of all
since your mom is the topic at hand every fucking TIME i try to get you to talk about her you don’t want to
you never want to
what we’re not gonna do is act like i’m emotionally retarded and unsupportive just because of one time i didn’t fawn all over you when all i fucking do is baby you and worry about you in this relationship
jamal - Yesterday at 1:13 AM
when do you try?
literally when?
you asked to go visit her with me and i said no but aside from that
when??
all you do is baby me???? i'm LMFAO
is that before or after or between calling me a dummy and telling me to shut up constantly and acting annoyed by me
you really think your disposition is doting and loving i'm L M F A O
these aren't even things i dislike about you but get fucking real
livvy - Yesterday at 1:16 AM
my favorite part of when we fight is when you point out things i do and pretend we don’t both do them constantly
i love it
i can’t get enough of it
jamal - Yesterday at 1:17 AM
right which is why i would never fix my mouth to say i always baby you
livvy - Yesterday at 1:17 AM
i would actually like 5 more of those please
jamal - Yesterday at 1:17 AM
but i have always been the one more emotionally open and available and able
that i can claim
you're stunted, which is fine, what's NOT fine is you not accepting that and working on that or even thinking it's something that can be changed before you get all huffy and mad for me being on the other side of that
livvy - Yesterday at 1:18 AM
which is fine but again you looked me dead in my face and told me how safe you felt and now all of a sudden i’m miss hostile emotional environment
so which one is it
it cannot be both
are we in a happy and loving relationship or do i make you feel like a prisoner baby
jamal - Yesterday at 1:19 AM
it IS both, because relationships are often complicated. i feel safe with you in that i don't think this relationship is going to end abruptly like i used to feel i do think that you're in this for the long haul and you're not one foot out the door like you used to be
but i DON'T feel like we have a great emotional base, we've never had that and it's something i can live with except for nights like tonight and the other night when i'm struggling with something and you're not there
livvy - Yesterday at 1:21 AM
and since we’re talking about what’s not fine
i keep telling you that the way not to talk to me about things is by comparing me to ashlea
a n d y e t
h e r e w e a r e
jamal - Yesterday at 1:22 AM
i wasn't trying to compare you i was just telling you the truth
you obviously didn't know that or you didn't care
which is it
livvy - Yesterday at 1:22 AM
first of all i have always known that you had a closer emotional connection with her and you know that
what i don’t need is you fucking waving it in my face like a punishment
which is what you always do
what you’ve always done
jamal - Yesterday at 1:23 AM
i'm not trying to punish you
livvy - Yesterday at 1:23 AM
when you wanna hurt or upset me you bring her up when you KNOW
you fucking know i hate it
jamal - Yesterday at 1:23 AM
that''s not even what i was trying to do
livvy - Yesterday at 1:23 AM
and then you go
that’s not the point
i’m trying to have a rational conversation!
and you’re fixating on the words!
when you KNOW
it hurts my feelings every time
and you continue to do it
jamal - Yesterday at 1:24 AM
olivia i wa sjust telling you a fucking fact about how i cope with your shit
i wasn't trying to drag ashlea up to wave it in your face or gloat or be a dick
livvy - Yesterday at 1:25 AM
but i’m the emotionally retarded one, i’m the one not creating a safe space in the relationship
jamal - Yesterday at 1:25 AM
that isn't even what this convo is about
i could have said key that's about how much it is significant to me
the point is that i have a routine for moments like these and i'm tired of it
livvy - Yesterday at 1:28 AM
so here’s an idea why don’t you try fucking telling me when you’re upset or why you’re upset when i ask
instead of brushing me off
and then telling me i don’t show up for you
jamal - Yesterday at 1:29 AM
because i don't wanna deal with like, emoting, analyzing said emotion, expressing myself and getting none of that reciprocated
it's hard enough
livvy - Yesterday at 1:30 AM
ok
jamal - Yesterday at 1:32 AM
it's painful when we're fighting, imagine adding the vulnerability of sharing something already devastating on top of that? no fucking thanks
and you're so quick to dispose of it i know it's not something you can do comfortably
or have an instinct or urge to so i don't bother you
livvy - Yesterday at 1:33 AM
but that’s not fair you don’t get to ignore or brush off my efforts and then tell me i don’t make them
jamal - Yesterday at 1:34 AM
"well let me know if you need anything" isn't an effort
your efforts are mostly politeness and it's annoying
that's why i brush you off
livvy - Yesterday at 1:35 AM
jamal i thought you were physically fucking sick and you told me you were gonna sleep it off
and i still checked on you
jamal - Yesterday at 1:37 AM
i wasn't physically sick idk why you would think that
livvy - Yesterday at 1:38 AM
all you said was i feel gross and there was literally no context for it wtf
but okay
you have the floor
tell me how you would prefer that i show up for you
jamal - Yesterday at 1:40 AM
i don't even care i'm over it
livvy - Yesterday at 1:40 AM
no
you don’t get to do that
listen
i’m upfuckingset and that’s not gonna go away for a little bit, it doesn’t have an off button, but i am genuinely asking what it is you feel that i’m not doing
jamal - Yesterday at 1:43 AM
if you don't feel a way or that there's nothing wrong then i don't see the point in talking about it
livvy - Yesterday at 1:44 AM
jamal
jesus christ
fine
honestly fine whatever goodnight
jamal - Yesterday at 1:46 AM
goodnight
livvy - Yesterday at 10:27 AM
i’m sorry that i haven’t been an emotionally supportive partner.
jamal - Yesterday at 10:37 AM
it's fine
livvy - Yesterday at 10:37 AM
it’s not
i should have been more receptive to your concerns last night and more emotionally available to you in general and i wasn’t and i’m sorry
jamal - Yesterday at 10:39 AM
I didn't exactly facilitate a productive convo about the issue so
I was upset
livvy - Yesterday at 10:53 AM
we both were
jamal - Yesterday at 10:55 AM
yeah
livvy - Yesterday at 11:20 AM
so where do we go from here
jamal - Yesterday at 11:22 AM
Idk honestly
I just chalk it up to the 80/20 rule
livvy - Yesterday at 11:31 AM
ok
jamal - Yesterday at 11:38 AM
ok
livvy - Yesterday at 11:39 AM
good talk i guess
jamal - Yesterday at 11:40 AM
not really but what else is new
livvy - Yesterday at 11:40 AM
yep