GC crankery

North America Church of Bertrand Russell
Posted on May 5, 2013	by George Chen

In this group, you will find friendship you have yearned for and sensual delights you have never dreamed of. This group is for a small band of women and men who share a deep quiet love for Bertrand Russell. Our activities are those of renaissance persons. We tap into Russell’s works for stimuli.

Philosophy evolves. Many yesteryear’s questions are no longer worth considering. In order to join this group you need to meet the following criteria:

You believe that freedom of speech should be absolute.

The following criteria will be used to recruit core members:

1. You are true to your own feelings and you are overall affectionate. It is perfectly all right if your feelings change over time or appear dubious at various moments.

1.1 You have not been indoctrinated with hate, like being told regularly how your people have been mistreated by other people since recorded time. You understand misfortune like this belongs to the same category as natural disaster.

1.2. You acknowledge that the Sadist lives in everyone’s heart, including your own;

1.3 Nevertheless, you feel no sense of sin;

2. You have read Whitehead and Russell’s Principia Mathematica and are fluent in PM symbols;

3. You understand the illuminating effects of Euclidean geometry on logic;

4. You feel a profound aversion to pompous moralizing;

5. You hate humbug;

6. You have read Russell’s autobiography;

7. You have read Russell’s A History of Western Philosophy and have learned the virtues of Russell’s heroes.

8. You have read Human Knowledge: its scope and limit;

9. You have read An Inquiry into Meaning and Truth;

10. The mind to you is just a class of events that happen within the sphere of the brain;

11. You understand that your knowledge of the world begins from your sensations; you also believe that the causes of these sensations begin from somewhere outside the mind. You are aware of the leaps and gaps in these inferences which bear out scepticism;

12. Religion, including atheism, does not occupy your thoughts;

13. You suspend your judgement in the absence of evidence;

14 You have no college degrees in philosophy.

15. You are able to distinguish sensation from perception, i.e. there is no duck rabbit in your system. In other words, you have survived Tractatus and have not been undone by Investigations.

*Exceptionally attractive individuals can apply for a waver.

** If you have “God,” “Religion,” “Atheism,” “Ethics,” “Spirituality,” “Morality” in your profile and unless you are  very beautiful to look at, you should definitely take your butt somewhere else. Thanks.

*** I can’t emphasize enough of this: Militant atheists, go fuck yourselves. I’m hating you guys now, for misrepresenting Lord Russell’s philosophy.