Insecurities [GrizzNom]

Grizz meandered his way through the pages of the brightly-colored storybook, making a stop at all the different picnic baskets and sampling all the different foods that were tucked snuggly inside. He couldn’t remember how he had gotten here, but he wasn’t given much reason to care, especially when he was surrounded by so much delicious food. He hummed a happy tune as he ate, feeling completely content.

After eating his fill, the grizzly bear let out a satisfied sigh as he patted his stomach and fell back against the oversized picnic blanket. He rested his eyes for a moment, certain he may fall asleep now that his stomach was full, but he welcomed it.

“Well hi there! Long time no see!” a chipper voice greeted him. Opening his eyes, Grizz raised his head and looked over to see the familiar face of the friendly little storybook grizzly waving at him happily.

“Oh hey, dude,” Grizz returned the greeting, sitting up.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it? How goes it?”

“Oh, I’m great!”

“Still not hibernating, huh?”

“Nah. I gave it a shot, but it just wasn’t for me. I’m just not cut out for it.”

“Well sure you’re cut out for it, Grizzly!” the little bear reassured. “You’re a grizzly bear! It’s just what we grizzlies do!”

“Well…I’m not like other grizzlies,” Grizz responded with a shrug. “I mean, if other grizzlies wanna hibernate, that’s totally cool, but I’m doing just fine without. I’ve never hibernated before and never had a problem. Besides, winter’s not all bad. You’ve got Christmas and New Year’s Eve parties, and you get to wear fluffy sweaters and drink hot chocolate! There’s lots of fun things to do in the winter, and I don’t want to miss out on any of it!” he said confidently.

The little grizzly shrugged. “Well, suit yourself I guess.” He paused briefly before adding, “I see a lot’s changed for you these last few months. Looks like you’ve got a special someone.”

Grizz smiled and blushed. “Oh…yeah.”

“Nom Nom’s his name right? Say, wasn’t he the one who treated you so badly?”

Grizz’s smile suddenly faded and he looked away, rubbing his arm. “Well…yeah, but…we worked a lot of things out. We talked, you know?”

The smaller bear cocked his head as he raised a brow. “And you’re sure you can trust him? Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t he turn around and stab you in the back after you tried helping him?”

“We worked it out, okay?” Grizz replied, anger beginning to seep into his tone.

The little grizzly shrugged. “I’m just saying…I wouldn’t be so quick to put my trust in someone like that after the way they treated me. How can you be so sure he won’t try to hurt you again?”

“I trust him, okay?” Grizz snapped, narrowing his eyes. “I love him, and he loves me.”

The little bear stared at him for a moment before walking away to retrieve a sandwich from one of the picnic baskets. “Are you sure about that?” he asked.

“Of…Of course,” Grizz replied, though his confidence had diminished slightly.

“I just find it odd that someone you say loves you has never actually said it,” the smaller bear retorted as he took a bite of his sandwich.

Grizz’s eyes flashed as he swiftly responded, “Yes, he has!”

“But has he ever said it to you first?”

Grizz lowered his gaze, his doubt becoming more prominent. “Well…he…”

“And he doesn’t even say the words ‘I love you.’ It’s always 'You, too’ or something similar. When has he ever actually used the words 'I’ and 'love’?”

Grizz’s anger suddenly returned and he looked at the smaller bear sternly. “He’s just not comfortable saying that sort of thing! It’s weird for him,” he pointed out.

“But why would that be weird? What’s so hard about telling someone that you love them?” The little grizzly turned his back to Grizz, taking another bite of his sandwich. “Maybe he doesn’t care about you as much as you think he does,” he stated coolly.

“No, you’re wrong. You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“He’ll probably get tired of you and leave you.”

“Stop it!”

“They all will.”

Grizz covered his ears with his paws, squeezing his eyes shut. “Stop it! I’m not listening to you!”

“You’re not good enough, anyway. Why would they even want to waste their time? They’ll get tired of you eventually.”

Grizz could hear the bear’s voice gradually sounding more and more like his own.

“Stop it! STOP IT! STOP IT!”

In that moment, everything went quiet. Grizz slowly opened his eyes, noticing that the bear had vanished and the colorful storybook setting had darkened drastically. He shut his eyes again, tears trickling down his cheeks. “It’s not true,” he whispered. “They would never leave me.”

“Grizz?”

“They love me.”

“Grizz?”

“I won’t listen to you.”

“Grizz?!”

—-

“Grizz? Grizz?! Wake up, you’re having a nightmare!”

Grizz’s eyes suddenly flew open and he rose out of bed with a gasp, breathing heavily. He looked around the room frantically, and then gradually started to relax once he realized where he was. He finally looked towards the one who had roused him from his less than peaceful sleep.

“You woke me up,” Nom Nom spoke, a hint of agitation in his tone.

Grizz stared down at his paws. “Sorry…I didn’t know I was that loud.”

“Oh, it had nothing to do with you being loud. It had to do with you kicking me like a horse and causing me to go sailing out of the bed.”

“Oh.” The bear glanced down at his paws guiltily.  "Sorry.“

"Was it that bad?”

Grizz could only nod his head in response, prompting Nom Nom to frown with mild concern. But before he could even question the bear further, he felt strong arms suddenly grab him and pull him in a tight embrace. “Grizz, what-”

“You love me, right?” Grizz asked him, his tone a bit shaky. The question stunned the koala into silence, which only fueled Grizz’s anxiety. “Right?” he pressed.

“Grizz, you know I do,” Nom Nom finally replied, trying to gently wiggle his way out of the bear’s grip, only to feel his arms tighten around him.

“Then why don’t you say it?”

“I do say it.” Nom Nom furrowed his brows, craning his neck in order to look up at the much larger animal. He continued to struggle against the bear’s grip, but he refused to let him go. “Grizz, come on…”

“No, you don’t,” Grizz sighed. “You…never actually say it. Not those exact words. Usually you just say, 'You, too,’ or 'Likewise.’ And I’m always the first one to say it, not you.”

“Are you really going to bring this up now?” Nom Nom glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “At three in the morning? Grizz, you’re being ridiculous. You know it makes me feel uncomfortable. I can’t explain it, okay? I’m sorry I don’t have a better explanation, but…this is all very new to me still. Why can’t you understand that? Don’t you even remember what happened the first time you told me you loved me? I was trying to make a smoothie and I was so caught off guard that I forgot to put the lid on the blender before I turned it on and sent strawberry chunks flying everywhere. As if your little brother needed another reason to hate me.”

Grizz managed the tiniest snicker. “I know…you’ve told me this.”

“So then why are you bringing this up? You know it’s weird for me.”

“Can you please just say it one time? Please?” Grizz replied softly.

Nom Nom sighed heavily. “I love you.”

The bear relaxed, sighing contently as he pulled the koala closer to his face. “Thanks.”

“Grizz, what did you dream about?” Nom Nom asked him seriously. “Did I tell you I didn’t love you or something?”

“No…It was stupid,” Grizz mumbled. “I just…have a lot of insecurities, okay? I’m always afraid people are going to leave me behind, or that they really don’t care about me as much as they say. I’m just really afraid of being alone. That’s why I try so hard to make friends all the time. I want people to like me…so I’m always trying to impress them, but…I’m not good at anything. I don’t have any special talents or skills like my brothers. I'm…useless.”

Nom Nom finally managed to pull himself out of the bear’s grip and looked up at him sternly. “Okay, you need a reality check. First of all…why would you want friends like that? Why would you want to hang around with people who only value you for some special skill or talent?”

Grizz raised a brow. “But you-”

“Yeah, I know,” Nom Nom cut in, raising a paw to silence him. “I know I’m being hypocritical. But it wasn’t until you came barging loudly and obnoxiously into my life that I started to question that way of thinking. You made me feel like I was worth more than just some cute internet video. That’s why your brothers love you. They care about you because you care about them. It really is that simple. They don’t need you to be a great cook or a talented artist or to speak multiple languages, or whatever, because none of that compares to the love and support you give them. That’s all they need from you.”

Grizz wiped at the corner of his eye, smiling softly.

“Okay, do you feel better now? Can I stop? Because this whole conversation put me way out of my comfort zone.”

The bear reached down and slid his paws under Nom Nom’s arms, lifting him up again. He placed a small kiss to his forehead and nuzzled his cheek. “Thanks. That was worth about a hundred 'I love you’s.”

“Good. Now can you let me down so I can go back to sleep?”

“In a minute,” Grizz murmured as he pulled the koala against his chest and squeezed him tightly.