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2
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:39,168
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

3
00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:17,329
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING UPSTAIRS)

4
00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:43,614
(CEILING CREAKS)

5
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:52,771
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

6
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,259
Hey! Shut off the hose!

7
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:57,156
There's a fucking
faucet outside, man! Hurry up!

8
00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,489
- Go! God!
- Jesus!

9
00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:07,095
(FAUCET HISSING)

10
00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:10,253
Shit!

11
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:13,377
- What a piece of shit old house, man.
- Yup, yup.

12
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:16,258
Fucking thing wasn't even half full.

13
00:03:16,340 --> 00:03:17,534
Who the hell are you?

14
00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:19,451
Oh, uh, Jake Bradford.

15
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:21,489
- Infielder?
- Pitcher.

16
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:23,134
(BOTH SIGH)

17
00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:25,900
- What?
- Hey! Whoa!

18
00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:28,540
Just what we need,
another fucking pitcher.

19
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:29,620
Not a lefty, are you?

20
00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:31,099
Uh, no, no, right-handed.

21
00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:32,215
Thank God.

22
00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:34,695
Those guys are always so fucking weird.

23
00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:36,850
Like Nez. I hate that guy.

24
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,092
I love Nez.

25
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:42,132
MAC: He's fine. He's just fucking weird.

26
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:43,900
(CLINKS)

27
00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:45,836
Hey, I'm just gonna
tell you something right now.

28
00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:47,691
- Yup.
- I hate pitchers, okay?

29
00:03:47,780 --> 00:03:49,259
So you and me will be teammates,

30
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:51,615
but we're not gonna
be friends or anything like that.

31
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:53,133
It might give you some kind of edge

32
00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:54,676
if I gotta face you
down the line in pro ball,

33
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:55,769
if you ever make it there.

34
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:56,975
I'm just not gonna do that.

35
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,196
- All right.
- Those your bags?

36
00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:01,097
- Wanna pick your shit up?
- Oh, yeah. Sorry.

37
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:06,257
- Excuse me. Bye.
- Yup. Bye.

38
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,556
FINN: You know, nobody really realizes
how much water weighs.

39
00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:13,810
You're talking about
62 pounds per cubic foot.

40
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:15,116
WILLOUGHBY: Yeah.
FINN: You know, I tried to warn them.

41
00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:16,316
WILLOUGHBY: But let's be honest,

42
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,978
(COUGHS) that would be
fucking amazing

43
00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:20,938
if that fell through the ceiling right now.

44
00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:22,356
FINN: Dude, this is a good example

45
00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:24,496
of someone being so invested
in what they want.

46
00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:28,334
In this case, getting laid on an
oversized, overpriced water balloon,

47
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:29,420
that they fail to see

48
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,396
the giant waterbed-shaped
iceberg right in their path.

49
00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:32,556
WILLOUGHBY: Mmm-hmm.
Or he just finds you

50
00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:33,854
super-annoying and ignores you.

51
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,134
At his own peril,

52
00:04:35,220 --> 00:04:37,893
as evidenced by this ill-fated
and ill-advised adventure

53
00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:40,175
in mid-collapse before you...

54
00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:45,050
I assume, being a new
(IN DEEP VOICE) teammate.

55
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:48,636
Thank you, Willoughby. I'm Finn.

56
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:49,854
Uh, Jake.

57
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:53,171
- Hi. Charlie Willoughby. Hi.
- Jake. Good to meet you.

58
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,659
- Nice to meet you.
- (SIGHS)

59
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:58,176
Did you meet the brain trust
that perpetrated such a folly,

60
00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,699
McReynolds and Roper?

61
00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:01,372
Uh, yeah, yeah. Uh, I think so.

62
00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:03,018
One of them told me he hated pitchers.

63
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,772
Even his own teammates.

64
00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:08,057
Undoubtedly Glen McReynolds,
resident All-American.

65
00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:11,018
On the field, you know.
Up here, benchwarmer.

66
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:13,978
Hey. Chapter 9 will blow your mind.

67
00:05:14,420 --> 00:05:15,489
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

68
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:16,580
PLUM: Guys.

69
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,895
Is it true that our house
is about to fall down?

70
00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:23,972
FINN: Yeah, any second.

71
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,379
What's up, man? Jake Bradford.

72
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,371
What's up, dude? Tyrone Plummer.

73
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:31,054
Man, you can't even
fuck good on a waterbed.

74
00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:32,971
It's like having sex with a girl

75
00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:34,937
on top of another really fat girl,

76
00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:36,214
know what I mean?

77
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,574
- Just moving around.
- Yeah.

78
00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:39,093
Get out of my shot.

79
00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:40,579
Sorry, man.

80
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:44,328
- Ah! Shit!
- Shit. Sorry.

81
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,396
What the hell's wrong with you?
You scared the shit out of me.

82
00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:48,411
- Hey, you Billy Autrey?
- Beuter?

83
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,916
Shit, if I was that
pussy-whipped little bitch,

84
00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:52,374
I'd be on the phone
moping to my girlfriend. Why?

85
00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:54,098
I'm just supposed
to be rooming with him.

86
00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:56,933
"I'm just..." Oh, damn. Yeah.

87
00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:00,979
Uh, well, shit, if you ever wanna find
Beuter, just follow the phone cord.

88
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,254
- This?
- Yeah, come on.

89
00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:04,410
You're like a lost lamb.

90
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,456
Thanks. (GRUNTS)

91
00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:13,615
(CHUCKLES) What did I tell you?

92
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:15,996
Hey, Beuter, this your new roommate.

93
00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,453
Damn, put some pants on, man.

94
00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:18,836
- JAKE: What's up, man?
- Hold on one second, babe.

95
00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:20,009
Jake Bradford.

96
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:22,700
Jacob? Hey, how you doing?
I'm Billy Autrey.

97
00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:24,930
- Good to meet you, man.
- Good to meet you.

98
00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:29,452
- Dale Douglas.
- Jake Bradford.

99
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,636
Hey, man, what position do you play?

100
00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:31,854
Pitcher.

101
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:33,540
Well, what are you?

102
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:34,695
Second base.

103
00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:38,516
JAKE: Hey, I'll see you later, man.

104
00:06:38,540 --> 00:06:40,690
Okay, Jacob. Yeah, we'll see you, man.

105
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:43,619
Hey, ladies!
Happy hour is upon us at the Fox.

106
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,611
Two hours of drinking
before the team meeting.

107
00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:47,651
- Let's go.
- That's what I'm talking about.

108
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,860
You guys go ahead, man.
I've got some unpacking to do.

109
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:52,972
Bullshit! You're on the team now, baby!

110
00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:56,257
(IN GERMAN ACCENT) Onward,
upward and inward! Ja?

111
00:06:56,340 --> 00:06:57,340
Oh, yeah!

112
00:06:57,740 --> 00:07:00,857
- (RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
- (ALL SINGING ALONG)

113
00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:06,059
Say hello, Finn.

114
00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:19,936
FINN: Mmm-hmm, ooh,
look at what we have here.

115
00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:21,596
ROPER: Well, look at this
lovely bunch of ladies.

116
00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:22,620
Let's say hi.

117
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:24,412
I think we should.

118
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:27,856
- (HONKING)
- Tit-tit-tit-tit-tit-tits!

119
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,578
- Fuck off, faggots!
- Yeah!

120
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:31,571
- That was beautiful.
- Oh!

121
00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:32,809
I love this time of year.

122
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,015
(JAKE LAUGHS)

123
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,689
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

124
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:42,810
Party later tonight
at the baseball houses.

125
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:45,013
Where?

126
00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:46,573
15th and Avenue H.

127
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,571
You know,
just look for two beautiful houses

128
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:50,571
filled with Greek gods who care.

129
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,173
Okay, when?

130
00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:53,693
When you get there.

131
00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:57,693
And when you do get there,
ask for me, Kenny Roper.

132
00:08:57,820 --> 00:09:00,653
We look forward to
seeing all of you there.

133
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:02,619
ROPER: All of you.

134
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,371
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

135
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:10,540
ROPER: There we go.

136
00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:12,196
PLUM: She looks like
my fifth grade teacher.

137
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:13,858
ROPER: She's built right.

138
00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:20,373
Hey, ladies, uh...

139
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,156
I don't know if you guys
are doing anything tonight,

140
00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:24,340
but we'd like to invite you
to a baseball party with...

141
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:25,574
Sorry.

142
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:26,700
Uh...

143
00:09:26,860 --> 00:09:28,134
Okay.

144
00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:30,814
FINN: Ouch!
ROPER: Not my fault she's a bitch.

145
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,972
FINN: Jeez, ball hit the mitt
before you ever even swung.

146
00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:35,676
ROPER: And what was I
supposed to do, huh?

147
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,292
FINN: You gotta notice the clues, Rope.

148
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:38,813
There was a typewriter in the back.

149
00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:40,556
- ROPER: Oh, yeah.
- They're intelligent girls.

150
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,356
You have to rise
and meet them on their level.

151
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:43,972
ROPER: Huh? Is that right?

152
00:09:44,060 --> 00:09:45,971
FINN: Act like you've read
a book before. Jeez.

153
00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:47,652
ROPER: Okay, Finn, you're up.

154
00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:49,556
FINN: Well, I can't do any worse.
ROPER: Here we go.

155
00:09:49,580 --> 00:09:50,899
FINN: Take notes, boys.

156
00:09:50,980 --> 00:09:52,652
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me, ladies.

157
00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:55,208
You know, I couldn't help but
notice you ladies being hassled

158
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,892
by that asshole in the car back there.

159
00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:58,095
It's a shame.

160
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,836
You know, some guys
are just so aggressive.

161
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,896
Myself, I'm a firm supporter of the ERA...

162
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:03,836
Although I doubt it's gonna
have an immediate impact

163
00:10:03,860 --> 00:10:05,498
on the societal norm of the male gender,

164
00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:08,652
initiating virtually all contact
with respect to females.

165
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:10,316
You know, which might seem
predatory on the surface,

166
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:11,340
but I assure you...

167
00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:12,489
Trust me.

168
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,969
You should be investing
this energy elsewhere.

169
00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:17,900
Well, now you just
plain hurt our feelings.

170
00:10:17,980 --> 00:10:19,076
- (MOCKINGLY) Aww.
- (LAUGHS)

171
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,409
Do you also hate guys
that are athletic, intelligent,

172
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:23,770
sometimes endearingly clumsy,
or is that just her?

173
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:25,900
Hey, Finn, did you mention hung?

174
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:27,236
I didn't mention hung, Dale, not yet.

175
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,569
Okay, um...

176
00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:32,819
Y'all wanna know the truth?

177
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,494
Always. It'll set you free.

178
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:38,694
I like the quiet guy in the back seat,

179
00:10:38,780 --> 00:10:40,099
in the middle.

180
00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:44,529
ROPER: Well, there's nothing here.

181
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:47,700
BOTH: Lesbians.

182
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,532
Yeah! Did you guys hear that?

183
00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:51,276
- I didn't hear anything.
- ROPER: Delusional.

184
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:52,796
- Freshman's hearing things.
- No, dude.

185
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,731
Quiet, non-asshole guy
in the back, that's me.

186
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,219
Wait, no, guys.

187
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:58,076
Yeah, no, I think I heard
her say something like,

188
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,056
"The guy in the back,
whether he knows it or not,

189
00:11:00,140 --> 00:11:01,858
- "is a cock jockey."
- JAKE: Oh.

190
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:05,899
- Yeah, but I heard "cock gobbler."
- FINN: Cock gobbler.

191
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,891
I heard, "The guy in the back seat,

192
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:09,891
"his cock looks like an outie bellybutton."

193
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:11,049
Oh, yeah. Are we mistaken?

194
00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:12,215
That's what we heard.

195
00:11:12,340 --> 00:11:13,636
Yeah, I can see
how that could get threatening.

196
00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:15,116
All right, new guy coming in,
getting all the ladies.

197
00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:16,209
Hey there, freshman,

198
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,916
I've fucked more girls
than you've cranked off to.

199
00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:19,756
- Hey, do me a favor. Stop for a second.
- ROPER: Why?

200
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,020
I wanna see what room she's in.

201
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:22,569
ROPER: Just give it up, son.

202
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,316
This just went from "cute"
to "restraining order."

203
00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:26,410
Just do it. I'll buy the first pitcher.

204
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:27,540
(BRAKE SCREECHES)

205
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,818
Okay. Now you're talking
our language a little.

206
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,572
ROPER: All right,
what are we looking at? Let's see.

207
00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:38,815
JAKE: Okay. Stop, stop.

208
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:42,814
Okay, that's her.

209
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,134
GIRL: Hey.

210
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,496
All right, 307. Help me remember that?

211
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:50,538
- Sure, man, 309.
- No, 307.

212
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:53,692
- FINN: 304.
- Can we go now, Mr. Stalker?

213
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:54,929
Weirdo, man.

214
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:56,254
PLUM: 30-12?

215
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,409
DALE: Damn. Hey.

216
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,173
- Huh? Yeah?
- That was pathetic, man.

217
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:03,809
She was using you, a peasant,
to fuck with us, the kings.

218
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:05,420
Look, if you'd opened your mouth, too,

219
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:07,576
you'd have been shut down.
You don't see that?

220
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,015
No, I don't, actually.

221
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:11,220
Only been at college an hour

222
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,530
and I'm already pulling in
the groupies, man!

223
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,453
That was a joke.

224
00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:20,417
Got your joke right here.

225
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:22,779
Did he just call his dick a joke?

226
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,179
That's what he implied.

227
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,972
- To the Fox?
- To the Fox.

228
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:32,652
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

229
00:12:37,140 --> 00:12:40,337
PLUM: Didn't it seem
like most of the girls we saw today were,

230
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:42,456
you know, moving into
the dorms on campus?

231
00:12:42,580 --> 00:12:44,218
That's what we're talking about!

232
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,418
Oh, thank God. Finally.

233
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,175
FINN: Mmm-hmm.

234
00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:49,409
DALE: Thanks, man.

235
00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:52,334
So don't you think we would get more
ass living on campus?

236
00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:53,756
You know, where all the girls are.

237
00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:54,849
No, no.

238
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,658
Have a clue, freshman. The dorms suck.

239
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:58,492
ROPER: You guys have no idea.

240
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:02,209
They gave us two houses.
Man, we've got it made.

241
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,796
No dorm resident snitches keeping track.

242
00:13:03,820 --> 00:13:06,095
You know, den-mother types
up your ass.

243
00:13:06,180 --> 00:13:09,377
No centralized authority.
It's fucking brilliant.

244
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,316
Let's just hope they don't
realize what they've done.

245
00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:12,568
- Oh, yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.

246
00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:15,818
(ALL WHOOPING)

247
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:18,171
We knew we'd find you drunks here!

248
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,609
What miserable updraft
wafts you three hither?

249
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,811
- Oh, bite me, Finn.
- FINN: I will not...

250
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:24,900
Dismount.

251
00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:25,980
(LAUGHS)

252
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,956
NEZ: This is our third bar
of the afternoon, boys!

253
00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:29,208
You one of the new freshmen?

254
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,858
- Yeah, Jake.
- Coma.

255
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:31,975
Hey, Alex Brumley.

256
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,156
Hey, man. Nice to meet you.

257
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,408
Nesbit. A pleasure.

258
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,092
COMA: Go get some glasses, Brumley.

259
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:37,340
BRUM: Yeah, sure thing, dude.

260
00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:38,489
Whoa, is...

261
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:41,413
- Wait, Jay Niles isn't with you guys?
- (ALL GROAN)

262
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:42,569
Who's Jay Niles?

263
00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:44,730
You haven't heard of Jay Niles?

264
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,050
The second coming of Nolan Ryan.

265
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:49,574
Yeah, man, 95-mile-an-hour fastball.

266
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:51,252
Self-professed, mind you.

267
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:53,058
He's this intense fuck from Detroit,

268
00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:55,131
who just kind of spouts out all his stats

269
00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,060
and just talks about
what a pro prospect he is.

270
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,328
How'd that guy end up here?

271
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,331
Well, he's filling the obligatory quota.

272
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,756
You know, we have to have at least
two weirdos on every team.

273
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:04,498
- Now we're full up.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

274
00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:09,608
Wait, Jay Niles, one. Two? Who's two?

275
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,691
You, you sawed-off drunk fuck.

276
00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,219
(ALL SNICKERING)

277
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,814
No, actually your roommate,
Beuter, the hayseed.

278
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,339
JAKE: Ah.
ROPER: Can we agree?

279
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:18,455
FINN: We can agree.

280
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:19,876
I thought his name was Billy Autrey.

281
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,492
Oh, it was, until we changed it

282
00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:23,556
to the most country bumpkin name
we could come up with.

283
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:24,695
Beuter Perkins.

284
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,293
ALL: Beuter!

285
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:28,716
Hey, you guys sure Coach
isn't gonna know if we've been drinking?

286
00:14:28,740 --> 00:14:31,937
Fuck, Brumley,
you've seriously asked that at every bar.

287
00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:34,636
(MOCKINGLY) "Are you sure Coach
isn't gonna know if we've been drinking?

288
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:36,173
"What if he smells my breath?"

289
00:14:36,260 --> 00:14:38,649
We're fucking drinking, man!
That's what we're doing!

290
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:40,651
- Yeah, we are.
- Okay? Yeah.

291
00:14:40,740 --> 00:14:42,537
Cheers for the beers.

292
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,338
What is that brown shit on your lip?

293
00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:46,259
(LAUGHS)

294
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:50,092
I thought it was like a light,
like a shadow on your lip, but it...

295
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,772
- Is that a mustache?
- Yeah.

296
00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:53,015
Ugh!

297
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:56,848
I'm sorry. Don't touch it. Don't...

298
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,299
ROPER: Ew. Stop.

299
00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:00,177
- Oh!
- ALL: Ugh!

300
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:03,172
Yeah, it's a mustache.
That's a mustache.

301
00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:06,411
- It's growing.
- FINN: Was that hair?

302
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:07,819
Full throttle to the bottle.

303
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:09,379
Shut up, Brumley.

304
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,371
Why does he keep
saying things like that?

305
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:15,770
Finn, I'm seriously
worried about these new guys. I mean...

306
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:17,896
It's gonna be a strange year, man.

307
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:20,618
- ROPER: Hey, whoa!
- Oh!

308
00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:21,876
GORDAN: If you haven't met yet,

309
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:24,175
I'd like to introduce you
to the new guys on the team.

310
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,860
Freshman Ty Plummer, catcher.

311
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,418
Stand up, Ty. Come on, son.

312
00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:33,610
Alex Brumley, outfield.

313
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:35,735
Hey, guys.

314
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:36,860
GORDAN: Sit down.

315
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,249
All right. Jake Bradford

316
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:43,497
and Billy Autrey, both freshman pitchers.

317
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,853
Also, I'm taking a leap
this year on two transfers,

318
00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:48,692
trying to shore up our pitching staff.

319
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,089
From California,
senior Charlie Willoughby.

320
00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:52,898
Stand up, Willoughby.

321
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:54,015
Guys.

322
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:56,694
And from Detroit, Jay Niles.

323
00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,180
(SIGHS)

324
00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:01,055
All right.

325
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:03,608
For you vets, I expect you
to show the new guys around.

326
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,418
Hopefully be a positive
influence on them.

327
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:07,373
I'd appreciate that, all right?

328
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:09,218
Wake up, Coma!

329
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:12,971
Okay, for the eight of you
living in this house

330
00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,178
and the eight of you living next door,

331
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:17,296
there's gonna be
some guidelines for living here.

332
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:20,289
The city's been generous enough
to donate these houses

333
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,053
to help with the overcrowding
situation in athletic dorms,

334
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:24,892
and we've agreed to be
responsible for them.

335
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,892
So, two rules.

336
00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:31,529
Number one.
No alcohol in these houses, okay?

337
00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:34,615
It's against school policy.
Need I say more?

338
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,775
Now, we can't stop you
from having a drink

339
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:41,057
down at that Jolly Fox
and Sound Machine, or whatever.

340
00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:45,372
You're all over 18, all right?
Just no booze in this house.

341
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:50,698
Okay. Number two,
and it's a biggie, gentlemen.

342
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:53,453
No girls upstairs in those bedrooms.

343
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:54,814
- (ALL GROANING)
- What?

344
00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:56,168
GORDAN: Yup. I'm sorry.

345
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:57,916
She's gonna have to
take it back to her place or,

346
00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,436
if you want, you can spend as much time

347
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:00,676
as you like together down here.

348
00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:03,260
There's plenty of room
in both these houses for socializing.

349
00:17:03,340 --> 00:17:05,716
So, if you just gotta
bring some little gal back to the house,

350
00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:08,493
you keep her buns downstairs.
You got it?

351
00:17:08,580 --> 00:17:11,299
Don't want the program taken
down by a piece of poontang.

352
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,500
(BOYS SNICKERING)

353
00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:13,979
Okay, that's it.

354
00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:16,290
Voluntary practice is on Sunday.

355
00:17:16,380 --> 00:17:17,608
That's players-only now.

356
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,156
Rulebook says I can't be on the field,

357
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:20,852
so I'll see you fellas on Monday.

358
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,534
Be responsible out there
this weekend, okay?

359
00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:25,815
Think before you do
something stupid, please.

360
00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:26,935
Skip?

361
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:29,011
All right. Mac, you got something?

362
00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:30,613
Yeah. Hey, new guys, listen up.

363
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,533
Just so you know,
"voluntary" means mandatory, okay?

364
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:34,676
Everybody's got to be there.

365
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,036
If you're not there,
then you probably don't care

366
00:17:36,060 --> 00:17:38,051
about beating those fuckers
from Arizona.

367
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,476
And if you're not serious about
that, you might as well go home.

368
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,536
Oh, yeah. We're taking it
this year, fellas.

369
00:17:42,620 --> 00:17:44,497
All the way.

370
00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:46,332
(ALL CHEERING)

371
00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:49,537
All right! Our lucky year!

372
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:57,369
DALE: Get ready, boys,
your college careers are about to begin.

373
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,291
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

374
00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:02,099
- How's it going?
- Yeah, yeah!

375
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:04,774
- Murphy! Trouble walking in.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

376
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:06,771
- How's it going, man?
- Hey. Two-dollar cover.

377
00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:09,420
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no. They're with us.

378
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:10,575
Freshman superstars.

379
00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:12,533
MAN: It's all right. Let them in.

380
00:18:12,620 --> 00:18:13,655
Thanks, man.

381
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:14,740
MAN: Have fun, boys.

382
00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:16,196
Hey, shake something,
don't break something.

383
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,255
- Yes, sir.
- (LAUGHS)

384
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:20,929
(DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

385
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:38,097
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

386
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:41,729
- Hey, hey, guys.
- Yeah?

387
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,236
If you guys want more beer,
go to Howard.

388
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,455
The guy that looks like Cheech.

389
00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:47,337
We're getting all this shit for free, okay?

390
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,372
Dude! No cover and free beer.

391
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:51,460
Mmm-hmm.

392
00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,576
College is the fucking greatest!

393
00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:55,537
Hey, it's part of the scholarship.

394
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,699
(INAUDIBLE)

395
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,534
Say goodbye to your
high school sweethearts, fellas.

396
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,817
The wonderful world
of college pussy is upon you.

397
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:27,009
Ladies! How was your summer?

398
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,091
Fun. How was yours?

399
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:31,176
Angie, you look amazing.

400
00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:33,396
Let me introduce you to
some of the new guys. This is Jake.

401
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:34,676
- Hey. Nice to meet you.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

402
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:35,815
ROPER: That dude is Plum.

403
00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,009
What's up? Tyrone.

404
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,374
- How you doing?
- GIRL: Hi.

405
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:40,818
- You guys wanna dance?
- JAKE: Yeah.

406
00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:44,137
(DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

407
00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:52,493
(BOTH LAUGHING)

408
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,937
Cheers. To a beautiful night.

409
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,857
There we go.

410
00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:15,055
Mmm.

411
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:17,415
- Oh, yeah.
- Whoo!

412
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:18,716
We're gonna need a couple more.

413
00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:19,855
MAN: Yeah, come on!

414
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:23,376
She needs quite a few more.
You do, too.

415
00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:25,371
- Lookit.
- What? What's up?

416
00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:28,090
DALE: Finn's in his average cock mode.

417
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:30,819
Right now, I guarantee you
he's telling those girls

418
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:32,578
about how he has an average cock.

419
00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:33,916
JAKE: Why the hell would he do that?

420
00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:35,896
See, no, it's genius, actually.

421
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:38,050
See, he tells girls
that he has an average cock,

422
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:41,098
and while that might only seem
moderately compelling on paper,

423
00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:42,454
women find it a relief

424
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:45,008
from all the guys talking
about how huge they are.

425
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:48,818
I'm a performer, all right?
I'm a grower, not a shower.

426
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:50,076
See all that fun, all that laughing?

427
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,100
Yeah, yeah.

428
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:52,898
They're talking about his dick, man!

429
00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:54,095
- Fuckin' with me.
- No...

430
00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:55,316
You heard of "foot in the door"?

431
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:56,340
Of course.

432
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:57,700
Finn's got his dick in the door.

433
00:20:57,740 --> 00:20:59,093
JAKE: That's fucking genius.

434
00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:01,614
- Genius. Yes!
- Genius!

435
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:02,735
- Fuck.
- I tell you.

436
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:06,938
Hey, you see what I see?

437
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,876
- You know them?
- DALE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

438
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,777
That's Michelle with her friend Val.

439
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:12,060
JAKE: What's the book on them?

440
00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:14,694
The book is,
we're going over to rap with them.

441
00:21:14,780 --> 00:21:16,577
- Yeah?
- Oh, hell, yes.

442
00:21:20,020 --> 00:21:22,136
Let's get it.

443
00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:23,460
Hey, which one you going after?

444
00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:24,734
Oh, Michelle, definitely.

445
00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:26,651
- The one on the right.
- The tall one?

446
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:28,935
I'm climbing that tree, Jake!

447
00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:31,932
- I hear Val is fun. Go for it!
- All right, cool.

448
00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:33,692
- Val?
- How you doing, Dale?

449
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:36,135
- Michelle.
- Dale. (LAUGHS)

450
00:21:36,220 --> 00:21:37,596
- Michelle, Val, this is Jake.
- (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

451
00:21:37,620 --> 00:21:38,735
- Hey there.
- What's up?

452
00:21:38,820 --> 00:21:39,916
Oh, I love this song! Come on.

453
00:21:39,940 --> 00:21:40,940
It's Jake.

454
00:21:41,020 --> 00:21:42,931
Val.

455
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:46,296
Are you gonna ask me to dance,
or are you just gonna stand there?

456
00:21:46,380 --> 00:21:48,530
I'm asking you to dance.

457
00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:51,293
(DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

458
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:55,498
Hey, what position do you play?

459
00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:56,729
Pitcher.

460
00:21:56,860 --> 00:21:58,140
Oh, cool. And you're a freshman?

461
00:21:58,180 --> 00:21:59,374
Yeah, yeah. You?

462
00:21:59,460 --> 00:22:02,770
I'm a sophomore.
I live in the apartment next to Angie.

463
00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:03,975
Oh, cool.

464
00:22:04,060 --> 00:22:06,335
Hey, do you live in those
new baseball houses?

465
00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:07,489
Yeah, yeah.

466
00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:19,531
(LAUGHS)

467
00:22:20,180 --> 00:22:22,899
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

468
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:32,370
(BOYS SINGING ALONG)

469
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:54,538
Oh, yes! Yes! Ooh,
two at a time, bro! Shoot!

470
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:57,413
Just a second.

471
00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:06,254
Wait here a second.

472
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:09,616
Soul brother, what's the deal, man?

473
00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:13,056
I don't know, man.
Finn's got that Leeann chick in there.

474
00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:14,460
(SIGHS)

475
00:23:21,580 --> 00:23:22,876
I'm gonna go upstairs real quick.

476
00:23:22,900 --> 00:23:23,916
- I'll be right back.
- Huh?

477
00:23:23,940 --> 00:23:25,716
I'm gonna go upstairs real quick.
I'll be right back.

478
00:23:25,740 --> 00:23:26,775
Okay.

479
00:23:27,420 --> 00:23:28,420
Ah!

480
00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:37,851
Strike three. Strike three.

481
00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:40,492
Strike...

482
00:23:43,860 --> 00:23:46,454
BEUTER:...and his answer is,
his answer is,

483
00:23:46,540 --> 00:23:49,498
"It needs some tail." And ol' Ben says,

484
00:23:49,580 --> 00:23:52,731
"Well, that's what I told Mrs. Franklin.
She told me to go fly a kite!"

485
00:23:52,820 --> 00:23:54,378
(ALL LAUGHING)

486
00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:57,609
"Go fly a kite!"

487
00:23:57,740 --> 00:23:58,855
Oh, man, that's funny.

488
00:23:59,540 --> 00:24:02,134
- Hey, what's going on, Jacob?
- What's up, man?

489
00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:04,051
So, where you guys been tonight?

490
00:24:04,140 --> 00:24:05,368
Oh, shoot, man.

491
00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:08,532
We went over to the
Guaranteed Wholesome.

492
00:24:08,620 --> 00:24:09,814
What about you?

493
00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:10,969
Uh, Sound Machine.

494
00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:12,169
Sound Machine, all right.

495
00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:14,410
Yeah. Hey, Beuter.

496
00:24:15,340 --> 00:24:17,171
I mean, Billy. Uh...

497
00:24:17,260 --> 00:24:19,854
Look, man, I got a little lady downstairs

498
00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:22,540
who maybe wants to come up here

499
00:24:22,620 --> 00:24:24,372
and check out my album collection,
you know?

500
00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:27,497
How about that? Hey, Jacob,
didn't Coach Gordan say this afternoon

501
00:24:27,580 --> 00:24:29,889
that we weren't supposed
to have girls upstairs?

502
00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:32,130
He said something about that, didn't he?

503
00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:33,369
Yeah. Yeah, he did.

504
00:24:33,460 --> 00:24:34,756
But, I mean, half the guys in this house

505
00:24:34,780 --> 00:24:35,956
just broke that rule, you know?

506
00:24:35,980 --> 00:24:39,052
So I kind of decided
not to be like a one-man holdout on that.

507
00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:42,052
Yeah. Yeah, you is
a team player, ain't you?

508
00:24:42,140 --> 00:24:43,140
Huh.

509
00:24:43,380 --> 00:24:45,610
So, what you want me to do?

510
00:24:45,740 --> 00:24:47,332
(LAUGHS)

511
00:24:47,420 --> 00:24:48,489
I don't know, man.

512
00:24:48,580 --> 00:24:51,572
Just, uh, do the right thing, you know?

513
00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:53,099
Give me the room alone for a bit.

514
00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:54,180
Huh.

515
00:24:54,420 --> 00:24:59,335
You know, man, but my girlfriend,
she lives out of town, right?

516
00:24:59,420 --> 00:25:02,139
So what, you want me to just

517
00:25:02,220 --> 00:25:04,290
pitch a tent on the couch
all the time, or what?

518
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:05,535
Not all the time.

519
00:25:05,620 --> 00:25:07,133
Just this little window of time.

520
00:25:07,220 --> 00:25:08,972
- Little window? Yeah.
- Yeah.

521
00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:11,916
Look, come on, man,
you guys are already

522
00:25:11,940 --> 00:25:13,055
breaking the alcohol rule.

523
00:25:13,180 --> 00:25:15,296
Or is there a waiver for Lone Star?

524
00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:18,178
Dang, that sure is Lone Star.
That's alcohol right there.

525
00:25:18,260 --> 00:25:20,012
Alcoholic beverage in there.
I'll be danged.

526
00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:21,374
Well, man, I'll tell you what,

527
00:25:21,460 --> 00:25:25,499
I gotta get up early
for registration in the morning.

528
00:25:26,460 --> 00:25:31,375
Plus, I think Mr. Finnegan
set up a room downstairs for that.

529
00:25:31,460 --> 00:25:32,939
Yeah, he's in there.

530
00:25:33,020 --> 00:25:34,020
Wow!

531
00:25:34,140 --> 00:25:35,414
Well, shoot,

532
00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:38,378
I reckon he'll be
out of there before too long, won't he?

533
00:25:40,340 --> 00:25:41,375
(SCOFFS)

534
00:25:43,460 --> 00:25:44,859
Un-fucking-believable.

535
00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:47,771
You go get 'em, Jacob.

536
00:25:47,860 --> 00:25:50,055
Go show her them albums.

537
00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:52,416
- (MUSIC CONTINUES)
- (LAUGHING)

538
00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:54,377
JAKE: All right, bro.

539
00:25:57,900 --> 00:26:00,209
Let's go somewhere quiet.

540
00:26:33,580 --> 00:26:35,218
(VAL GIGGLES)

541
00:26:41,740 --> 00:26:43,571
(BOTH PANTING)

542
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:51,298
I feel like the Astros
are gonna make it to the World Series.

543
00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:55,140
(EXHALES)

544
00:26:57,980 --> 00:27:00,255
(WOMAN CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY ON TV)

545
00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:07,975
Tom, you know I wouldn't ask you this
unless it were very important.

546
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:10,051
Erica's such a bitch.

547
00:27:10,140 --> 00:27:11,732
Yeah, she's definitely cheating on him.

548
00:27:11,820 --> 00:27:13,219
What?

549
00:27:13,740 --> 00:27:16,538
- Hey, Beuter, you leaving us already?
- (ROPER LAUGHS)

550
00:27:16,860 --> 00:27:18,578
Running home to mama, Perkins?

551
00:27:18,660 --> 00:27:21,970
Come on, y'all, my name ain't Beuter.
Okay, guys? It's Billy Autrey.

552
00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:23,818
Bullshit!

553
00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:25,780
It's Beuter Perkins
until we tell you otherwise.

554
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:27,054
Now, where you going, BP?

555
00:27:27,140 --> 00:27:30,098
You running back to that
corn-fed girlfriend of yours already?

556
00:27:30,180 --> 00:27:31,516
No, sir, I'll be back Sunday for practice.

557
00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:33,098
Well, well, well!

558
00:27:33,180 --> 00:27:35,978
Looks like Beuter Perkins
is getting laid this weekend. Huh?

559
00:27:36,580 --> 00:27:38,660
You finally trading in that phone
for the real thing?

560
00:27:39,020 --> 00:27:40,658
Shoot, y'all.

561
00:27:42,180 --> 00:27:45,172
Man, guys,
she says she might be pregnant.

562
00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:46,940
No, sir.

563
00:27:47,020 --> 00:27:49,136
Yeah, man, that's what she says.

564
00:27:49,220 --> 00:27:50,619
How late is she?

565
00:27:50,740 --> 00:27:52,139
She's a day late.

566
00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:54,450
(ALL JEERING)

567
00:27:54,980 --> 00:27:56,891
You gotta be shittin' me, Beuter!

568
00:27:56,980 --> 00:27:58,836
She's one day late
and she's giving you shit for it?

569
00:27:58,860 --> 00:28:01,116
FINN: She's testing you.
She's trying to gauge your response.

570
00:28:01,140 --> 00:28:02,255
Are you the guy that says,

571
00:28:02,340 --> 00:28:03,476
"Don't worry,
I'm gonna pay for the abortion,"

572
00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:04,836
or are you talking about marriage?

573
00:28:04,860 --> 00:28:06,612
Which is what she's hoping for.

574
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:09,737
Either way, you're fucked.
Give it up, Beuter Perkins.

575
00:28:09,820 --> 00:28:11,916
No trust me, man,
she's not fucking pregnant, all right?

576
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:13,460
We've all been through shit like this.

577
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:15,036
Except for Nez, of course,
'cause he's still a virgin.

578
00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:16,060
(LAUGHS)

579
00:28:16,140 --> 00:28:18,260
Look, she's just
taking your little chicken-fried nuts

580
00:28:18,340 --> 00:28:19,596
and she's running them
through the wringer, okay?

581
00:28:19,620 --> 00:28:22,076
She's just giving you shit for it because
you left her back on the farm

582
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:23,156
with all the other little pigs
you used to fuck.

583
00:28:23,180 --> 00:28:24,180
(ALL LAUGHING)

584
00:28:24,260 --> 00:28:25,460
I ain't never put it in a pig!

585
00:28:25,580 --> 00:28:29,129
They speaketh the truth,
young Beuter Perkins.

586
00:28:29,220 --> 00:28:31,609
Man, we're just
worried about you, all right?

587
00:28:31,700 --> 00:28:33,036
Yeah, man.
I mean, school hasn't even started yet,

588
00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:34,460
and, guys, correct me if I'm wrong,

589
00:28:34,540 --> 00:28:36,417
but you are the official frontrunner

590
00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:38,636
for the Freshman Numb-Nut
of the Year award, right, guys?

591
00:28:38,660 --> 00:28:39,809
The what award?

592
00:28:39,940 --> 00:28:41,089
Oh, it's the annual award.

593
00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:42,956
We give it out to
the most clueless freshman.

594
00:28:42,980 --> 00:28:45,276
I think we've already started engraving
his name on the plaque.

595
00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:46,516
How do you spell "Beuter," by the way?

596
00:28:46,540 --> 00:28:47,893
My name is not Beuter!

597
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:51,456
Uh, Beuter, we also got a bet going on

598
00:28:51,540 --> 00:28:53,895
whether your share of the phone bill

599
00:28:54,020 --> 00:28:56,295
is gonna be under or over $300.

600
00:28:57,660 --> 00:28:58,980
We gotta pay the phone bill here?

601
00:28:59,060 --> 00:29:02,052
FINN: I've already done the calculations
based on its usage thus far,

602
00:29:02,140 --> 00:29:03,539
- way over $300.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

603
00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:05,252
- PLAYER: Really?
- Oh, yeah.

604
00:29:05,340 --> 00:29:08,218
$300 and a kid?

605
00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:10,609
Man, your life's gonna fucking suck.

606
00:29:10,700 --> 00:29:11,815
(ALL LAUGHING)

607
00:29:11,900 --> 00:29:13,413
Fine. Fine.

608
00:29:13,740 --> 00:29:15,173
Later, Beuter!

609
00:29:15,260 --> 00:29:16,978
ALL: Later, Beuter!

610
00:29:17,100 --> 00:29:18,818
Bye, Beuter! Beuter.

611
00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:19,900
(DOOR SLAMS)

612
00:29:20,060 --> 00:29:22,494
Five bucks says we never see him again.

613
00:29:22,580 --> 00:29:24,298
Nez, he's gotta come back for his shit.

614
00:29:24,380 --> 00:29:25,654
It's a bad bet.

615
00:29:25,740 --> 00:29:27,731
This is why
you're losing money all the time.

616
00:29:28,420 --> 00:29:30,490
A good bet would be, I don't know,

617
00:29:30,580 --> 00:29:33,014
"Is his girlfriend in his family tree?"

618
00:29:33,100 --> 00:29:35,534
Okay, five bucks
that his girlfriend's in his family tree.

619
00:29:35,620 --> 00:29:37,611
Okay, uh, first cousin, second cousin?

620
00:29:37,740 --> 00:29:38,968
First cousin, Finn.

621
00:29:39,100 --> 00:29:41,853
See, that's a bad bet. I'll take the bet.

622
00:29:41,940 --> 00:29:43,692
- Still bad odds.
- First cousin?

623
00:29:44,820 --> 00:29:47,698
PLUM: So, what do most
of the guys on the team major in?

624
00:29:47,780 --> 00:29:49,179
DALE: Besides baseball and pussy?

625
00:29:49,260 --> 00:29:51,296
FINN: Ah, you mean
when a girl asks? That's easy.

626
00:29:51,380 --> 00:29:53,814
Look, there are thousands
and thousands of people

627
00:29:53,900 --> 00:29:55,731
majoring in all kinds of shit here.

628
00:29:55,820 --> 00:29:59,369
But there's only 25 of us.
We're the best team on campus.

629
00:29:59,460 --> 00:30:01,836
You got a football team
that'll win about three games a year.

630
00:30:01,860 --> 00:30:03,452
Basketball team hasn't won shit.

631
00:30:03,540 --> 00:30:04,860
We are in the playoffs every year

632
00:30:04,980 --> 00:30:06,380
and we're always ranked nationally.

633
00:30:06,460 --> 00:30:07,779
Dale, you're confusing him.

634
00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:10,579
Bottom line is this,
her friends are gonna ask,

635
00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:12,730
"What's he like? What's he do?"

636
00:30:12,820 --> 00:30:14,856
She's not gonna have to say the old,

637
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:16,476
"I don't know. He's a marketing major."

638
00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:18,411
That's not gonna cut it.

639
00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:20,456
"He's a baseball player."

640
00:30:20,540 --> 00:30:21,973
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

641
00:30:22,060 --> 00:30:24,620
See, now they got
something special to talk about.

642
00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:25,940
"How's your ballplayer doing?"

643
00:30:26,220 --> 00:30:27,436
"Oh, he's still stiff as a bat."

644
00:30:27,460 --> 00:30:28,716
"You still ballin' your player?"

645
00:30:28,740 --> 00:30:29,968
"Oh, he's sliding home."

646
00:30:30,060 --> 00:30:32,255
That's cool, that's cool and everything.
I like pussy.

647
00:30:32,340 --> 00:30:35,491
But, you know, what about school?
Like, what do I take?

648
00:30:35,580 --> 00:30:37,172
Oh, oh, oh. That's easy, that's easy.

649
00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:39,476
You get good at making
the school-part work for you, right?

650
00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:40,649
It's like a puzzle, man.

651
00:30:40,740 --> 00:30:43,049
What teachers will
give you a break, what classes to take.

652
00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:46,416
Hey, look, you gotta start the
semester with 12 hours, all right?

653
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:47,996
But you only gotta be
passing nine to be eligible.

654
00:30:48,020 --> 00:30:49,976
Drop one class, blow off another.

655
00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:55,497
DALE: God damn it, Plummer!

656
00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:58,418
Call it! Wake up!

657
00:30:59,740 --> 00:31:01,014
PLUM: Oh!

658
00:31:02,420 --> 00:31:03,853
DALE: Whoo!

659
00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:06,011
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

660
00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:09,156
- NEZ: I kinda like our relationship.
- Mmm.

661
00:31:09,180 --> 00:31:11,489
It's like, I throw the junk
and you get yourself out.

662
00:31:11,620 --> 00:31:12,973
WILLOUGHBY: Fuck!

663
00:31:13,060 --> 00:31:15,858
JAKE: Was that a big deal for you,
transferring in senior year?

664
00:31:15,940 --> 00:31:17,453
WILLOUGHBY: No, man, not really.

665
00:31:17,540 --> 00:31:18,996
You know, I'll still have a few hours

666
00:31:19,020 --> 00:31:22,012
that I gotta complete, you know?

667
00:31:22,100 --> 00:31:26,855
I'll go back in late summer,
graduate, do that thing.

668
00:31:26,940 --> 00:31:29,170
And where's, uh, San Luis Obispo?

669
00:31:29,260 --> 00:31:31,649
- Uh, California.
- That's where you're from?

670
00:31:31,740 --> 00:31:36,450
Yeah. Yeah.
Sort of the central coast area.

671
00:31:36,540 --> 00:31:40,294
- Cool. Cool. Mmm...
- Yeah. Yeah. Very cool.

672
00:31:40,380 --> 00:31:41,859
I'm from this, uh,

673
00:31:41,940 --> 00:31:43,339
- small town in the valley.
- Yeah.

674
00:31:43,420 --> 00:31:47,049
- Hey, man, you get high?
- Yeah. Yeah, here and there.

675
00:31:47,140 --> 00:31:49,529
Yeah? Well, I don't know.

676
00:31:49,660 --> 00:31:51,890
Couple of guys
are gonna go burn this with me

677
00:31:51,980 --> 00:31:53,459
in my room pretty soon.

678
00:31:53,580 --> 00:31:57,334
- If you wanna join that.
- Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

679
00:31:57,460 --> 00:31:59,769
- Yeah? All right. All right.
- Cool.

680
00:32:05,060 --> 00:32:06,175
BRUM: Whoo!

681
00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:08,575
- I'll bet you 10 bucks.
- Ten bucks?

682
00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:10,556
- Yeah. Ten bucks.
- You wanna go... That's steep for you.

683
00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:11,854
Best out of three.

684
00:32:11,940 --> 00:32:14,693
- So, I gotta get two?
- Yeah, Mac, two.

685
00:32:14,780 --> 00:32:17,692
Okay. You feel like losing 10 bucks?

686
00:32:17,780 --> 00:32:19,660
You're just excited
to hit off me for once, huh?

687
00:32:20,780 --> 00:32:23,010
Oh, man. I mean, this is gonna be fun.

688
00:32:23,100 --> 00:32:25,898
This is gonna be very fun, Nesbit.

689
00:32:25,980 --> 00:32:27,538
Man, let me get a little stretch in.

690
00:32:27,620 --> 00:32:31,090
Come on. Come on, Mr. Ax. Strong Man.

691
00:32:31,180 --> 00:32:33,455
Anytime.

692
00:32:41,620 --> 00:32:44,214
PLUM: Fuck. I don't believe
what I just fucking saw.

693
00:32:44,340 --> 00:32:45,996
You know how strong
you'd have to be to do that?

694
00:32:46,020 --> 00:32:47,596
- And the eyes!
- ROPER: Let me see that.

695
00:32:47,620 --> 00:32:49,690
PLUM: You know how well
you'd have to see the ball

696
00:32:49,780 --> 00:32:51,099
to hit it with an ax?

697
00:32:51,220 --> 00:32:53,017
Fucking crazy.

698
00:32:53,140 --> 00:32:55,415
You just wouldn't listen, Nez.
You wanna go half price?

699
00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:57,116
We can stop now.
We can call it five bucks.

700
00:32:57,140 --> 00:32:58,778
- No, no, no.
- Double or nothing.

701
00:32:58,860 --> 00:33:00,612
Triple or nothing. Huh?

702
00:33:00,700 --> 00:33:02,531
Yeah, you feeling lucky? I am.

703
00:33:02,620 --> 00:33:03,894
I feel great with those odds.

704
00:33:03,980 --> 00:33:05,971
Triple or nothing sounds fantastic.

705
00:33:06,060 --> 00:33:09,052
Maybe one of the best days
of my life here, Nez.

706
00:33:09,140 --> 00:33:11,131
You know, until tomorrow.

707
00:33:16,980 --> 00:33:18,811
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

708
00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:20,409
What was that?

709
00:33:25,940 --> 00:33:27,817
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

710
00:33:33,180 --> 00:33:34,738
DALE: You're gonna be squashed, Jake.

711
00:33:35,420 --> 00:33:36,648
Ooh.

712
00:33:36,740 --> 00:33:37,809
I hate this game.

713
00:33:37,900 --> 00:33:39,716
It starts out easy,
and then it just gets fucking impossible.

714
00:33:39,740 --> 00:33:40,855
I'm telling you.

715
00:33:41,140 --> 00:33:44,928
Yeah, man, I must've wasted,
like, $200 in quarters

716
00:33:45,020 --> 00:33:46,419
on this bitch last summer,

717
00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:48,855
just getting reamed
by these little fuckers.

718
00:33:48,940 --> 00:33:51,773
You can't win.
Once they get up on you, you're fucked.

719
00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:53,259
Sounds of amateurs

720
00:33:53,340 --> 00:33:55,296
who have not yet
mastered the gap method.

721
00:33:55,380 --> 00:33:56,636
PLUM: What the fuck is the gap method?

722
00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:58,173
JAKE: You're looking at it, Plum.

723
00:33:58,260 --> 00:34:01,013
Like you were saying,
most people lose at this point

724
00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:03,276
not because they get shot,
but because they get overrun.

725
00:34:03,300 --> 00:34:05,256
But I discovered that they actually

726
00:34:05,340 --> 00:34:07,376
don't shoot you from
the absolute front row.

727
00:34:07,460 --> 00:34:08,813
- Shit, they don't?
- No.

728
00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:10,620
You just gotta create
a clearing of columns.

729
00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:11,996
- You see what I'm doing right there?
- Yeah.

730
00:34:12,020 --> 00:34:14,375
Make your space, okay?
You just hold your ground in there.

731
00:34:15,780 --> 00:34:17,452
Just gets a little hairy.

732
00:34:17,540 --> 00:34:19,292
They speed up at the end. See that guy?

733
00:34:19,380 --> 00:34:20,415
See how fast he's going?

734
00:34:20,540 --> 00:34:22,496
All right? But you just gotta remain calm,

735
00:34:22,580 --> 00:34:24,491
meet them in the middle and...

736
00:34:24,580 --> 00:34:26,093
Fucking nailed that!

737
00:34:26,180 --> 00:34:28,455
Fuckin A, man! Okay! Okay!

738
00:34:28,540 --> 00:34:29,676
Gimme some dap! Gimme some dap!

739
00:34:29,700 --> 00:34:31,660
- Oh, shit, come on.
- Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

740
00:34:32,180 --> 00:34:33,180
ALL: Oh!

741
00:34:33,260 --> 00:34:35,820
It's the same shot every time!

742
00:34:35,900 --> 00:34:39,210
- Same shot every time!
- All right. You know, um, Mac?

743
00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:43,373
I... This is supposed to be fun,
and now I'm not having fun.

744
00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:44,756
Well, it's not his fault. It's our fault.

745
00:34:44,780 --> 00:34:45,815
Thank you.

746
00:34:45,900 --> 00:34:47,731
- You can't teach this chemistry.
- You can't.

747
00:34:47,820 --> 00:34:49,196
We've been together for three years!

748
00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:51,196
I know where I'm going
with it before he even gets it to me.

749
00:34:51,220 --> 00:34:52,620
Yeah, and I know where he wants it.

750
00:34:53,340 --> 00:34:55,535
- That's special.
- FINN: Let me talk, man.

751
00:34:55,620 --> 00:35:00,489
- ROPER: That ass is golden.
- Absolutely, say no more.

752
00:35:00,660 --> 00:35:03,777
Whoa. Hey. The bitch stick?

753
00:35:04,660 --> 00:35:05,775
Are you kidding me?

754
00:35:06,580 --> 00:35:08,172
What, I'm just trying to make the shot.

755
00:35:08,260 --> 00:35:10,490
Okay. Not with this you're not.

756
00:35:10,580 --> 00:35:12,332
Okay, Brum, have your balls dropped?

757
00:35:13,340 --> 00:35:14,898
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

758
00:35:14,980 --> 00:35:17,778
Okay, now play like you got some
fucking semen in your sack, Brum.

759
00:35:17,860 --> 00:35:19,418
Okay.

760
00:35:20,340 --> 00:35:22,615
- Okay? All right.
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)

761
00:35:23,260 --> 00:35:26,252
- What the hell is this?
- Please.

762
00:35:51,260 --> 00:35:53,296
(GRUNTING)

763
00:36:03,020 --> 00:36:05,375
- What are you doing?
- Putting it on.

764
00:36:05,460 --> 00:36:07,212
- First time wearing cologne?
- No.

765
00:36:07,300 --> 00:36:08,300
Get it on there, man.

766
00:36:08,380 --> 00:36:09,596
Get it under your arms
and on your chest.

767
00:36:09,620 --> 00:36:10,836
Don't just put it on your neck. Come on.

768
00:36:10,860 --> 00:36:13,090
I don't know, man. (SNIFFS)

769
00:36:13,180 --> 00:36:15,296
Too much of this smells like cat piss.

770
00:36:15,380 --> 00:36:17,098
Yeah, no shit.

771
00:36:17,180 --> 00:36:19,569
Trying to help you out,
and you're gonna question me?

772
00:36:19,660 --> 00:36:23,972
Jesus. I'm telling you, man,
chicks dig this shit. All right?

773
00:36:24,100 --> 00:36:26,614
Now you can come back here and
do the five-knuckle shuffle

774
00:36:26,700 --> 00:36:28,236
all night if you want to.
I don't really care.

775
00:36:28,260 --> 00:36:29,818
What's the five-knuckle shuffle?

776
00:36:31,060 --> 00:36:34,336
- Jesus, freshman, figure it out, man.
- Oh. (LAUGHS)

777
00:36:34,420 --> 00:36:36,980
Hey, good one, McReynolds.

778
00:36:37,060 --> 00:36:39,176
You're so fucking desperate, dude.

779
00:36:39,260 --> 00:36:42,013
Desperate for pussy! (LAUGHS)

780
00:36:59,860 --> 00:37:01,339
(EXHALES)

781
00:37:02,460 --> 00:37:04,530
This shirt makes me fucking sad, man.

782
00:37:05,100 --> 00:37:07,409
Uh, what's up, guys? You lost?

783
00:37:10,060 --> 00:37:11,539
(SIGHS)

784
00:37:14,620 --> 00:37:17,930
Oh, I got the best cheese on campus.

785
00:37:18,980 --> 00:37:23,292
I mean, girls, they come up to me
out of the blue and they say,

786
00:37:23,380 --> 00:37:26,656
"You got the best cheese on campus."

787
00:37:26,740 --> 00:37:27,968
JAKE: Yeah?

788
00:37:28,060 --> 00:37:31,496
Sure those pants couldn't
be a little tighter there?

789
00:37:31,580 --> 00:37:33,138
(EXHALING SHARPLY) Nope.

790
00:37:33,220 --> 00:37:34,972
No?

791
00:37:35,060 --> 00:37:36,060
What are you doing?

792
00:37:37,740 --> 00:37:39,651
I'm going through your album collection.

793
00:37:39,740 --> 00:37:41,378
Oh, okay, don't mind me.

794
00:37:42,820 --> 00:37:44,651
ROPER: (LAUGHS) Holy shit!

795
00:37:44,740 --> 00:37:49,097
Nesie, look at what I found here.

796
00:37:49,260 --> 00:37:50,488
(BOTH LAUGHING)

797
00:37:50,580 --> 00:37:51,808
ROPER: "2nd Team All-State."

798
00:37:51,900 --> 00:37:54,175
- Yeah, so?
- You're a fucking badass!

799
00:37:54,260 --> 00:37:56,979
Hey, guys! We got
a 2nd Team All-Stater among us!

800
00:37:57,060 --> 00:37:59,255
- Fuck off with that shit, boy.
- (LAUGHS)

801
00:37:59,380 --> 00:38:02,452
Golly gee, you're good. You're good.

802
00:38:02,540 --> 00:38:05,338
Hey, I'm sure afraid
to hit off you, 2nd Team All-State.

803
00:38:05,420 --> 00:38:08,378
Yeah, I'm scared. Ooh!

804
00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:10,815
2nd Team All-State.

805
00:38:10,900 --> 00:38:12,652
- ROPER: Scariness.
- Wait. Oh, wait.

806
00:38:12,740 --> 00:38:15,698
Did I ask you guys
to be in my room right now?

807
00:38:15,940 --> 00:38:19,012
No. No. Goodbye.

808
00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:20,658
Well, look at you. (SCOFFS)

809
00:38:20,740 --> 00:38:22,571
Nice fucking life
you got here, Joe College.

810
00:38:22,660 --> 00:38:24,956
I mean, you got your whole room
to yourself for the weekend,

811
00:38:24,980 --> 00:38:26,777
and you got your albums.

812
00:38:26,860 --> 00:38:28,259
This is mine now.

813
00:38:31,780 --> 00:38:32,780
Borrowing this.

814
00:38:32,860 --> 00:38:34,054
Hey, wait. Hey, no.

815
00:38:34,140 --> 00:38:36,256
Hey, you return that
with one scratch on it, Nez...

816
00:38:37,220 --> 00:38:38,778
What? What?

817
00:38:39,740 --> 00:38:40,889
What?

818
00:38:40,980 --> 00:38:43,050
Just return my album, man.

819
00:38:43,140 --> 00:38:45,210
What? What?

820
00:38:45,300 --> 00:38:46,415
What?

821
00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:48,779
(KNOCKS)

822
00:38:49,860 --> 00:38:51,532
(SOFTLY) Ooh.

823
00:38:53,420 --> 00:38:55,536
Fuck, that guy's weird.

824
00:38:56,180 --> 00:38:58,091
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

825
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:04,055
Oh, yeah, 95 on the gun, official.

826
00:39:04,140 --> 00:39:06,495
Could've gone to anywhere in Texas.

827
00:39:06,580 --> 00:39:10,414
I had a stack of offers
about that high, that high.

828
00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:13,810
- Almost went to USC.
- Were you drafted?

829
00:39:13,900 --> 00:39:16,573
Yeah, yeah.
The Blue Jays almost picked me up,

830
00:39:16,660 --> 00:39:19,618
but I told them I'm going to college
for a couple of years.

831
00:39:19,700 --> 00:39:22,089
- Good move.
- Yeah, yeah.

832
00:39:22,180 --> 00:39:23,613
- You drafted?
- No.

833
00:39:23,700 --> 00:39:24,974
McReynolds was.

834
00:39:25,060 --> 00:39:26,334
Really?

835
00:39:26,420 --> 00:39:27,420
Hmm.

836
00:39:28,060 --> 00:39:29,516
PLUM: You got some moves.
Alison, right?

837
00:39:29,540 --> 00:39:31,132
Like your dress.

838
00:39:32,060 --> 00:39:34,972
- Blue, like your eyes.
- ...baseball team.

839
00:39:35,820 --> 00:39:39,176
- Shit, you like baseball, too?
- Some nice... Fuck.

840
00:39:39,260 --> 00:39:41,137
Fuck it, man.

841
00:39:41,220 --> 00:39:43,859
- (SIGHS) We suck tonight.
- Dude, this is getting ridiculous.

842
00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:45,168
We suck so fucking hard.

843
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:47,894
I'm gonna get a drink. Man's drink!

844
00:39:47,980 --> 00:39:50,619
- A real drink! (LAUGHS)
- Yeah! Yeah, do that!

845
00:39:50,700 --> 00:39:51,849
Way to go!

846
00:39:51,940 --> 00:39:53,498
All right. I'll see you guys in a bit.

847
00:39:53,580 --> 00:39:56,777
- Right. See ya.
- Okay. All right.

848
00:39:56,860 --> 00:39:59,249
God, am I the only person
living in reality here?

849
00:39:59,340 --> 00:40:01,456
That I'm not gonna be
playing this game forever?

850
00:40:01,540 --> 00:40:05,169
Hey, man, you gotta appreciate it
while it lasts, you know?

851
00:40:05,260 --> 00:40:06,476
I mean, I'm a good college player.

852
00:40:06,500 --> 00:40:08,775
But beyond that,
I'm not counting on anything.

853
00:40:09,460 --> 00:40:12,816
Screwdriver!
This place is fucking awesome.

854
00:40:12,900 --> 00:40:14,049
(LAUGHS)

855
00:40:14,140 --> 00:40:18,133
I've been dancing up
on like five girls all night long, man.

856
00:40:18,220 --> 00:40:20,436
That's not true, though.
You haven't danced with one girl yet.

857
00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:24,533
Yeah, I have. Oh, yeah. Before you
got here. I was all up on 'em, man.

858
00:40:24,620 --> 00:40:27,180
Hey, who's that douchebag
she's dancing with?

859
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:30,019
DALE: Oh, Thompson?
He's a football player.

860
00:40:30,100 --> 00:40:31,977
What a dyke!

861
00:40:32,060 --> 00:40:37,453
PLUM: Man, this is savage.
We're getting fucking hosed out here.

862
00:40:37,540 --> 00:40:38,655
JAKE: Fucking sucks.

863
00:40:38,740 --> 00:40:41,379
You know what?
I mean, taking account of the situation,

864
00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:44,020
we're not doing so hot,
but we're in the early innings.

865
00:40:44,100 --> 00:40:46,295
- We got a whole game to play.
- Yeah.

866
00:40:46,380 --> 00:40:47,940
FINN: This is college, Jake, all right?

867
00:40:48,020 --> 00:40:50,090
The girls can be
as big of sluts as the guys!

868
00:40:50,180 --> 00:40:51,374
Make it work for you.

869
00:40:51,460 --> 00:40:52,779
Hey, screwdriver! Okay?

870
00:40:52,860 --> 00:40:54,771
It's not the writing of
the Magna fucking Carta!

871
00:40:54,860 --> 00:40:55,860
That's a book.

872
00:40:55,940 --> 00:40:57,339
Who drinks a screwdriver, anyway?

873
00:40:57,420 --> 00:40:58,773
I drink a fucking screwdriver!

874
00:40:58,860 --> 00:41:00,851
Everybody I know
drinks a fucking screwdriver.

875
00:41:00,940 --> 00:41:01,996
You know who drinks a screwdriver?

876
00:41:02,020 --> 00:41:04,636
- My little sister drinks a screwdriver too.
- Oh, really? Does she?

877
00:41:04,660 --> 00:41:07,777
Does she have blue eyes
and a big ass like you? Huh?

878
00:41:07,860 --> 00:41:09,532
I bet she has a big ass.

879
00:41:09,620 --> 00:41:11,258
- Big mouth!
- Yeah.

880
00:41:12,300 --> 00:41:13,528
(EXHALES)

881
00:41:13,620 --> 00:41:15,100
Did he just flick a lime in my drink?

882
00:41:15,460 --> 00:41:17,894
(EXHALES) Did he just fucking...
It's a fucking screwdriver!

883
00:41:18,020 --> 00:41:19,196
You don't flick a fucking lime!

884
00:41:19,220 --> 00:41:20,676
You don't have lime in a screwdriver!

885
00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:23,453
Hey, motherfucker!
Let's go, fucking Pancho Villa!

886
00:41:23,540 --> 00:41:27,055
I'm gonna come back there,
and I'll fucking make you my bitch, man!

887
00:41:27,140 --> 00:41:29,779
Don't act like you don't like me
just because I got good hair!

888
00:41:29,860 --> 00:41:32,613
Now he's giving me
the old-fashioned stare down!

889
00:41:32,740 --> 00:41:35,174
All right, that's a fucking stare down!

890
00:41:35,260 --> 00:41:36,316
Dude, you're staring, he's cool.

891
00:41:36,340 --> 00:41:38,196
Oh, no, he's not cool!
No, he's not fucking cool!

892
00:41:38,220 --> 00:41:39,956
You're back there having
a fucking good time!

893
00:41:39,980 --> 00:41:41,572
I'll come show you a good time.

894
00:41:41,660 --> 00:41:44,094
I'll come over the bar
and show you a good time.

895
00:41:44,180 --> 00:41:46,774
- Let's go. Let's go.
- I'm not gonna do anything.

896
00:41:46,940 --> 00:41:48,419
(SCREAMS)

897
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:50,819
Hey! No, you fucking stay.

898
00:41:50,940 --> 00:41:52,737
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

899
00:41:59,340 --> 00:42:00,940
Back off! Don't touch me!
Don't touch me!

900
00:42:08,580 --> 00:42:11,492
MANAGER: Out of the club!
Right the fuck now! Get them out!

901
00:42:11,580 --> 00:42:13,411
All baseball players
out of here! I mean it!

902
00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:15,570
BOUNCER: Let's go! Come on!

903
00:42:16,220 --> 00:42:19,212
Get them out! Right now. Get them out.

904
00:42:20,060 --> 00:42:22,415
Don't bring him back here again,
you get me?

905
00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:25,054
Let's go, boys. Let's go! Hey!

906
00:42:25,140 --> 00:42:26,653
MANAGER: Keep walking.

907
00:42:26,740 --> 00:42:28,890
I'm gonna fucking defend myself!

908
00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:30,971
No! One more chance!

909
00:42:34,220 --> 00:42:36,814
Fuck you! Fuck you, you jackoffs!

910
00:42:36,900 --> 00:42:39,653
Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!

911
00:42:39,740 --> 00:42:41,731
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

912
00:42:46,220 --> 00:42:48,051
Suck my dick, man!

913
00:42:50,460 --> 00:42:53,099
- BOUNCER: You fucking asshole!
- Stupid fucking asshole!

914
00:42:53,180 --> 00:42:54,533
Don't bring your ass around here!

915
00:42:54,620 --> 00:42:57,009
JAY: Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!

916
00:42:57,100 --> 00:43:00,410
ROPER: What the fuck, Niles!
DALE: Well, that was ugly.

917
00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:03,298
I don't know, just based on
an outsider's perspective,

918
00:43:03,380 --> 00:43:05,052
totally avoidable.

919
00:43:05,140 --> 00:43:07,096
JAY: Well, I'm a fucking raw dog,
all right?

920
00:43:07,180 --> 00:43:08,180
Raw dog!

921
00:43:08,260 --> 00:43:11,536
Anybody who fucks with me,
they don't get fucked with back!

922
00:43:11,620 --> 00:43:12,848
They get fucking killed!

923
00:43:12,940 --> 00:43:14,156
COMA: The only thing you killed tonight

924
00:43:14,180 --> 00:43:16,057
was the prospect
of any of us getting laid!

925
00:43:16,180 --> 00:43:18,535
Your fucking junkyard dog routine
from fucking Detroit

926
00:43:18,620 --> 00:43:19,689
might make you feel tough,

927
00:43:19,780 --> 00:43:21,796
but it's not helping out any
of your fucking teammates.

928
00:43:21,820 --> 00:43:23,538
Watch that shit in the future.

929
00:43:23,620 --> 00:43:25,417
It's crazy we're fucking
defending this guy.

930
00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:27,377
(STAMMERS) It's all so damn tribal.

931
00:43:27,460 --> 00:43:29,928
It's the pack mentality, animal instincts.

932
00:43:30,020 --> 00:43:31,533
All the adrenaline!

933
00:43:31,620 --> 00:43:34,180
Guys. Hey, guys. I got a new plan.

934
00:43:34,260 --> 00:43:35,773
We're gonna shift our focus

935
00:43:35,860 --> 00:43:37,620
from disco snatch
to country poon. All right?

936
00:43:37,780 --> 00:43:40,897
No cover, free beer till 11:00
at Guaranteed Wholesome.

937
00:43:40,980 --> 00:43:44,734
Okay, fucking no cover, free beer!
We can't afford not to go!

938
00:43:44,820 --> 00:43:47,732
Fuck you, Sound Machine!
Let's fucking go!

939
00:43:47,820 --> 00:43:49,340
- JAY: Fuck you, Sound Machine!
- Whoo!

940
00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:52,850
I got seven of my bucks back!
Ha-ha! Let's do it!

941
00:43:52,940 --> 00:43:54,612
ALL: No, no, no, no!

942
00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:56,116
I don't know where the hell
you think you're going.

943
00:43:56,140 --> 00:43:58,260
You sitting this one out
with that "raw dog" bullshit.

944
00:43:58,300 --> 00:44:00,291
- Sit!
- Heel, boy. Heel, boy.

945
00:44:01,020 --> 00:44:02,931
- Fetch.
- Yeah!

946
00:44:04,140 --> 00:44:06,370
I get it. I get it. I get it!

947
00:44:06,460 --> 00:44:08,098
I'll fucking go home.

948
00:44:08,180 --> 00:44:10,057
I got shit to do. I'll do some pushups.

949
00:44:10,140 --> 00:44:11,368
How's that sound?

950
00:44:11,460 --> 00:44:14,452
I'll do some pushups, do some abs.
I'll come back looking awesome!

951
00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:16,333
I'll read a book.

952
00:44:16,460 --> 00:44:18,416
Fuck it! I'll fucking run home.

953
00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:20,536
Yeah! Fuck it!

954
00:44:20,660 --> 00:44:21,888
Fuck it!

955
00:44:21,980 --> 00:44:24,369
Hey, check your pillows, man!

956
00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:27,054
- What the fuck does that mean?
- Fuck if I know.

957
00:44:27,140 --> 00:44:29,700
Fuck's that mean? Let's fucking go.

958
00:44:29,820 --> 00:44:31,572
I don't know about this country bar, man.

959
00:44:31,660 --> 00:44:32,660
Wait, wait, wait.

960
00:44:32,740 --> 00:44:34,316
What the Charlie Pride
are you talking about?

961
00:44:34,340 --> 00:44:36,060
We're just gonna do
a quick wardrobe change,

962
00:44:36,140 --> 00:44:37,368
and we're there.

963
00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:38,615
All right, I gotta say,

964
00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:40,975
I hate all this Cotton-Eyed Joe,

965
00:44:41,060 --> 00:44:43,176
"Looking for love
in all the wrong places."

966
00:44:43,260 --> 00:44:45,820
What, Disco Boy now wearing
a cowboy hat and boots and shit?

967
00:44:45,900 --> 00:44:47,253
- Yeah.
- It's unbelievable

968
00:44:47,340 --> 00:44:49,410
that's trendy now everywhere!

969
00:44:49,500 --> 00:44:51,377
Does that mean you're not going?

970
00:44:53,180 --> 00:44:54,408
I didn't say that.

971
00:44:55,500 --> 00:44:57,092
- (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (WHOOPING)

972
00:44:59,460 --> 00:45:01,337
(CROWD CHEERING)

973
00:45:04,700 --> 00:45:06,099
(INDISTINCT)

974
00:45:23,540 --> 00:45:25,974
Crank it up, sweetheart! Come on, baby!

975
00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:28,493
All right, crank it up!

976
00:45:28,660 --> 00:45:29,660
Whoo!

977
00:45:29,860 --> 00:45:32,374
You're not detecting
an anti-pitcher bias around here?

978
00:45:32,460 --> 00:45:33,460
No, man.

979
00:45:33,540 --> 00:45:34,893
- No?
- No!

980
00:45:34,980 --> 00:45:36,572
- I sure as hell am.
- Mmm.

981
00:45:37,620 --> 00:45:40,817
Well, let me tell you something, Jake.

982
00:45:40,900 --> 00:45:42,936
It is lonely out on the bump, man.

983
00:45:43,060 --> 00:45:46,291
You know, hitters,
they got no idea what that's like.

984
00:45:46,380 --> 00:45:49,292
They don't know
the first thing about it, you know?

985
00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:51,655
It's the most important part
of the game, hands down,

986
00:45:51,740 --> 00:45:54,493
and yet it is a complete mystery to them.

987
00:45:55,140 --> 00:45:56,698
Yeah, no shit,

988
00:45:56,780 --> 00:45:59,169
but it's almost
like they view us as a necessary evil.

989
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:02,053
Well, yeah, man,
we kind of are, you know?

990
00:46:02,140 --> 00:46:05,177
Mmm. But that doesn't
make them bad guys.

991
00:46:05,260 --> 00:46:09,538
You know, they're just...
They're a little scared of us. You know?

992
00:46:09,620 --> 00:46:13,090
We're fucking weird, man!
We're different!

993
00:46:14,100 --> 00:46:15,658
And the trick is, what's the trick?

994
00:46:15,740 --> 00:46:17,492
I don't know. Tell me.

995
00:46:17,580 --> 00:46:20,697
The trick is, you can't fight it.

996
00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:22,572
You gotta accept it.

997
00:46:23,780 --> 00:46:26,817
You gotta fucking embrace
your inner fucking strange, man.

998
00:46:26,900 --> 00:46:28,777
Just be fucking weird, you know?

999
00:46:29,860 --> 00:46:34,775
And when you do that,
you bring who you are,

1000
00:46:34,860 --> 00:46:37,852
never who they want.

1001
00:46:37,940 --> 00:46:42,058
And that, my friend, is when it gets fun.

1002
00:46:42,140 --> 00:46:44,290
So, all of y'all play on the baseball team?

1003
00:46:44,380 --> 00:46:46,257
Yeah, we got all nine positions covered.

1004
00:46:46,340 --> 00:46:47,375
And then some.

1005
00:46:47,460 --> 00:46:49,769
This one,
this one loves catching our balls,

1006
00:46:49,860 --> 00:46:50,929
don't you, Plum?

1007
00:46:51,060 --> 00:46:53,051
He's an animal husbandry major.

1008
00:46:53,140 --> 00:46:54,175
(CHUCKLES) What?

1009
00:46:54,300 --> 00:46:55,956
I'm actually studying
to be a cunnilinguist.

1010
00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:57,299
Ooh, what's that?

1011
00:46:57,380 --> 00:47:00,258
It's a major you can
actually practice before graduating.

1012
00:47:00,340 --> 00:47:03,730
Sometimes I feel like I'm just,
you know, buried in my work,

1013
00:47:03,820 --> 00:47:05,876
but I feel like
it's important to give back, you know?

1014
00:47:05,900 --> 00:47:08,095
- DJ: Y'all know what time it is!
- Oh, my God!

1015
00:47:08,180 --> 00:47:10,455
It's time to grab your partner dosey-do

1016
00:47:10,580 --> 00:47:14,129
'cause here we come
with Cotton-Eyed Joe!

1017
00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:16,456
(BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYING)

1018
00:47:16,540 --> 00:47:18,292
(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

1019
00:47:30,860 --> 00:47:33,135
- DJ: Hey, what'd you say?
- ALL: Bullshit!

1020
00:47:33,220 --> 00:47:35,131
- Y'all say what?
- Bullshit!

1021
00:47:35,220 --> 00:47:37,688
- You're steppin' in what?
- Bullshit!

1022
00:47:37,780 --> 00:47:39,611
(SINGING)

1023
00:47:48,100 --> 00:47:50,091
(ALL WHOOPING)

1024
00:47:55,180 --> 00:47:57,250
- Hey, what'd you say?
- ALL: Bullshit!

1025
00:47:57,340 --> 00:47:59,331
- Stepped in what?
- Bullshit!

1026
00:47:59,460 --> 00:48:01,496
- A big pile of what?
- Bullshit!

1027
00:48:01,580 --> 00:48:02,649
Cotton-Eyed Joe.

1028
00:48:04,860 --> 00:48:06,930
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

1029
00:48:07,020 --> 00:48:08,419
PLUM: Damn you, Jake!

1030
00:48:08,500 --> 00:48:12,288
- Eight up! Eight up! Let's go! Let's do it!
- JAY: Eight-eight.

1031
00:48:12,380 --> 00:48:14,098
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

1032
00:48:14,180 --> 00:48:15,579
Okay. Let's go!

1033
00:48:15,660 --> 00:48:17,059
Get the ball now.

1034
00:48:17,740 --> 00:48:19,935
- Whoa, fuck!
- That's for you, babe!

1035
00:48:20,020 --> 00:48:22,454
- It's our ball.
- Damn it!

1036
00:48:22,540 --> 00:48:24,610
- Detroit?
- What? What?

1037
00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:26,179
Ball in!

1038
00:48:26,460 --> 00:48:28,212
(BOTH CHEERING)

1039
00:48:28,540 --> 00:48:29,689
Night and day!

1040
00:48:30,900 --> 00:48:34,017
FINN: See, the perfect rim ingredients
keep the drink on its toes.

1041
00:48:34,100 --> 00:48:36,614
It simultaneously
complements then conflicts.

1042
00:48:36,700 --> 00:48:39,612
What I like to do
is a little sugar, cayenne pepper,

1043
00:48:39,700 --> 00:48:42,851
you add a little
whiskey, mmm, a little lime.

1044
00:48:42,940 --> 00:48:44,168
- Finn?
- Yeah?

1045
00:48:44,260 --> 00:48:46,933
Hey, yeah,
I just want a fucking drink, man.

1046
00:48:49,060 --> 00:48:50,716
Pardon me for trying
to class up the joint.

1047
00:48:50,740 --> 00:48:52,059
Don't get low.

1048
00:48:52,900 --> 00:48:54,492
(BOTH YELLING)

1049
00:48:56,660 --> 00:48:58,013
MAC: That's right, freshman.

1050
00:48:58,100 --> 00:49:00,011
Yeah, you keep up that
funky-ass spin shit.

1051
00:49:00,100 --> 00:49:01,300
I've got you figured out, son.

1052
00:49:01,380 --> 00:49:02,699
Yeah, that's just what I want.

1053
00:49:02,780 --> 00:49:05,613
You thinking you got me clocked,
then I set you up.

1054
00:49:05,700 --> 00:49:07,531
I'll let you know when I feel threatened.

1055
00:49:08,660 --> 00:49:09,854
(SPECTATORS EXCLAIMING)

1056
00:49:10,460 --> 00:49:11,779
You feeling threatened yet?

1057
00:49:12,060 --> 00:49:13,732
(ALL LAUGH)

1058
00:49:13,820 --> 00:49:15,617
All right, smartass.

1059
00:49:16,580 --> 00:49:19,777
- 19-17.
- Actually, it's 17 -19.

1060
00:49:20,460 --> 00:49:24,612
Thank you, Nesbit! 17 -19, is that better?

1061
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:27,294
Uh... No, I'm scared now, but, yeah...

1062
00:49:27,380 --> 00:49:28,380
Can we fucking play now?

1063
00:49:41,580 --> 00:49:42,854
God damn it!

1064
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,211
Glen, get your head
out of your fucking ass! Let's go!

1065
00:49:46,300 --> 00:49:49,053
- 20-17!
- 17 -point.

1066
00:49:49,140 --> 00:49:52,291
I swear to fucking God! Shut your mouth!

1067
00:49:52,940 --> 00:49:54,498
17 -point!

1068
00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,876
Hey, good game, man. Let's play again.

1069
00:50:02,900 --> 00:50:04,413
- Fuck!
- (CLATTERING)

1070
00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:05,569
(CLEARS THROAT) Fuck.

1071
00:50:10,780 --> 00:50:11,929
Stupid fucking game!

1072
00:50:12,020 --> 00:50:13,817
- My dad was a table...
- Fuck off.

1073
00:50:13,900 --> 00:50:15,697
Now I gotta put out that fucking fire.

1074
00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:17,700
- JAKE: That dude needs to relax.
- Thanks, Jake.

1075
00:50:17,780 --> 00:50:19,213
I told you so, man.

1076
00:50:19,300 --> 00:50:21,655
He broke the fucking paddle.
Look at that shit.

1077
00:50:21,740 --> 00:50:24,334
ALL: (CHANTING SOFTLY)
Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake.

1078
00:50:24,420 --> 00:50:25,489
Here.

1079
00:50:25,580 --> 00:50:29,095
Uh-oh. If things calm down,
Nez, you're next, bro.

1080
00:50:29,180 --> 00:50:30,579
- Fuck!
- You're up, man.

1081
00:50:30,660 --> 00:50:32,076
I don't think
you could use that one, though.

1082
00:50:32,100 --> 00:50:34,568
He does not like losing, at all!

1083
00:50:34,700 --> 00:50:36,656
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

1084
00:50:38,180 --> 00:50:39,852
Lot of Twilight Zones, man.

1085
00:50:39,940 --> 00:50:41,771
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

1086
00:50:41,860 --> 00:50:44,294
Almost every single episode.

1087
00:50:44,380 --> 00:50:48,419
Recorded them all
over the last year or so.

1088
00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:50,196
JAKE: Yeah, you got that one
where the lady,

1089
00:50:50,220 --> 00:50:52,450
she's getting the surgery
to correct how ugly she is?

1090
00:50:52,540 --> 00:50:53,893
- Yeah!
- So she gets surgery,

1091
00:50:53,980 --> 00:50:55,618
but it turns out that she's beautiful,

1092
00:50:55,700 --> 00:50:58,134
and everyone else is, like, hideous.

1093
00:50:58,220 --> 00:51:00,097
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, dude.

1094
00:51:00,180 --> 00:51:01,820
- You know what that's called?
- JAKE: No.

1095
00:51:01,900 --> 00:51:04,892
- "The Eye of the Beholder."
- Yeah, yeah, that one.

1096
00:51:05,020 --> 00:51:09,138
Yeah, Season 2, Episode 5,
if I'm not mistaken.

1097
00:51:09,260 --> 00:51:10,978
DALE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1098
00:51:11,060 --> 00:51:13,210
Whoa there, Willoughby.

1099
00:51:13,300 --> 00:51:15,097
There's no way
you're gonna suck that down

1100
00:51:15,180 --> 00:51:16,772
- in one hit, man.
- (CHUCKLES)

1101
00:51:16,860 --> 00:51:20,330
Yeah. Yeah.
There's gonna be too much smoke.

1102
00:51:20,420 --> 00:51:24,208
You know, like, there's not even
enough room in your body

1103
00:51:24,300 --> 00:51:26,939
for the amount of smoke
there's gonna be.

1104
00:51:27,020 --> 00:51:28,294
Really?

1105
00:51:28,420 --> 00:51:31,890
Well, take notes, boys,

1106
00:51:31,980 --> 00:51:35,370
'cause I grew up on two rivers.

1107
00:51:35,460 --> 00:51:38,372
All right, I got fucking swimmer's lungs.
I'm a river rat.

1108
00:51:38,460 --> 00:51:39,939
And don't forget, he does have

1109
00:51:40,020 --> 00:51:42,170
a double chamber
cooling system on that thing.

1110
00:51:42,260 --> 00:51:44,774
I don't care if he grew up
on 40 fucking rivers,

1111
00:51:44,860 --> 00:51:46,179
it's just not happening.

1112
00:51:46,260 --> 00:51:48,410
(CHUCKLING) Okay.

1113
00:51:48,500 --> 00:51:52,971
Okay. Well, get ready.

1114
00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:55,098
(INHALES DEEPLY)

1115
00:52:03,340 --> 00:52:04,340
Oh!

1116
00:52:06,500 --> 00:52:09,219
Oh, shit, no, no, no. Is it?

1117
00:52:09,300 --> 00:52:10,528
(DALE LAUGHS)

1118
00:52:10,620 --> 00:52:13,657
- Oh, my God.
- Un-fucking real, man.

1119
00:52:13,740 --> 00:52:16,015
- Shit!
- DALE: Fucking unreal.

1120
00:52:16,100 --> 00:52:17,613
PLUM: Super-human!

1121
00:52:19,740 --> 00:52:21,378
Wow, man.

1122
00:52:23,100 --> 00:52:25,660
Fucking mahogany rush, man.

1123
00:52:26,420 --> 00:52:27,489
(COUGHS)

1124
00:52:27,580 --> 00:52:29,775
Oh, you know,
I don't wanna be presumptuous.

1125
00:52:29,860 --> 00:52:31,896
I know that I only
have been here for a few days,

1126
00:52:31,980 --> 00:52:34,972
but I'm pretty sure that
that is a new school record.

1127
00:52:35,940 --> 00:52:38,215
Bullshit. Bullshit. Just...

1128
00:52:38,300 --> 00:52:40,973
Let's break that
school record right fucking now.

1129
00:52:41,100 --> 00:52:42,818
Oh, yeah? All right.

1130
00:52:42,940 --> 00:52:44,771
- I don't know, dude.
- Go for it, man.

1131
00:52:45,980 --> 00:52:49,211
God. Listen to this song.

1132
00:52:49,940 --> 00:52:52,579
Listen to this progression here, okay?

1133
00:52:53,140 --> 00:52:54,493
Listen to how it goes up.

1134
00:52:54,620 --> 00:52:59,136
It steps up from one moment to
another and leads you there, just...

1135
00:52:59,260 --> 00:53:00,739
(SCATTING)

1136
00:53:05,940 --> 00:53:08,659
- (COUGHS)
- Oh, yes. I mean, look,

1137
00:53:08,740 --> 00:53:12,096
you can play an E pentatonic
scale at 100 miles an hour

1138
00:53:12,180 --> 00:53:14,933
till somebody's ears burn off,
you can learn that, right?

1139
00:53:15,020 --> 00:53:18,330
But finding the tangents
within the framework,

1140
00:53:19,620 --> 00:53:21,531
therein lies the artistry, man.

1141
00:53:22,500 --> 00:53:26,254
You know, a fucking
bunch of dudes jump around on stage,

1142
00:53:26,340 --> 00:53:28,615
jerking each other off,
you know, in spandex,

1143
00:53:28,700 --> 00:53:30,452
isn't fucking music.

1144
00:53:32,860 --> 00:53:36,773
I don't know, man. I kinda like Van Halen.

1145
00:53:36,860 --> 00:53:40,535
Well, yeah, Plum, you do.
And you know why you do?

1146
00:53:40,660 --> 00:53:43,857
Because corporate America
is shoving something down your throat

1147
00:53:43,980 --> 00:53:45,129
and making you believe it,

1148
00:53:45,220 --> 00:53:47,051
because that's what
they want you to believe.

1149
00:53:47,180 --> 00:53:51,139
I mean, guys,
it's about finding out who you are

1150
00:53:52,060 --> 00:53:53,618
in the space

1151
00:53:53,700 --> 00:53:56,851
in-between the notes
that they're offering you.

1152
00:53:57,700 --> 00:54:01,454
I mean, you gotta tune in, man.
You gotta tune in.

1153
00:54:01,540 --> 00:54:05,533
You know, (STAMMERING)
and don't be afraid

1154
00:54:05,660 --> 00:54:07,935
to let the experience find you.

1155
00:54:11,820 --> 00:54:13,970
It's like Carl Sagan says, man,

1156
00:54:14,060 --> 00:54:17,496
"The beauty of a living thing
isn't about the atoms that go into it,

1157
00:54:17,580 --> 00:54:20,048
"it's how those atoms are put together."

1158
00:54:22,660 --> 00:54:25,652
I mean, language, fucking language.
What is language?

1159
00:54:25,740 --> 00:54:28,971
Language is a construct, man.
You know?

1160
00:54:29,100 --> 00:54:31,170
And we used to be telepathic.

1161
00:54:31,260 --> 00:54:33,137
Humans were telepathic, man.

1162
00:54:33,220 --> 00:54:35,814
We could just... Right here. You know?

1163
00:54:35,940 --> 00:54:37,737
The fucking Mayans knew it, man.

1164
00:54:37,900 --> 00:54:39,970
The Druids fucking knew it.

1165
00:54:41,260 --> 00:54:43,330
And you think
the way things are going now

1166
00:54:43,420 --> 00:54:45,934
that we're ever gonna get that back?

1167
00:54:47,180 --> 00:54:49,853
- Fucking no.
- No.

1168
00:54:49,940 --> 00:54:52,534
Do you guys wanna try
a little telepathic shit?

1169
00:54:52,620 --> 00:54:54,258
Let's do it.

1170
00:54:54,380 --> 00:54:57,258
Okay, lock in. Lock in.

1171
00:54:58,260 --> 00:55:00,296
- You locked in? All right.
- Yeah.

1172
00:55:04,900 --> 00:55:06,618
(INHALES DEEPLY)

1173
00:55:13,180 --> 00:55:16,058
- What am I thinking about?
- Baseball.

1174
00:55:16,140 --> 00:55:19,132
- Having a tail.
- Cereal?

1175
00:55:19,980 --> 00:55:21,049
Fuck.

1176
00:55:22,260 --> 00:55:23,659
Dude, I was thinking about sharks.

1177
00:55:24,300 --> 00:55:26,076
- (SIGHS) Fuck!
- I was thinking about sharks.

1178
00:55:26,100 --> 00:55:27,852
Sharks have tails.

1179
00:55:27,940 --> 00:55:29,156
That's a good point. That's a good point.

1180
00:55:29,180 --> 00:55:32,172
I wish I had a tail.
Fuck, that'd be awesome.

1181
00:55:33,660 --> 00:55:35,571
- ROPER: Oh, my God.
- Fuck you!

1182
00:55:35,660 --> 00:55:36,729
NEZ: I'll take one.

1183
00:55:36,820 --> 00:55:38,651
ROPER: Sharpshooter status, right here.

1184
00:55:38,740 --> 00:55:40,651
Coming at you! Coming at you!

1185
00:55:41,420 --> 00:55:42,420
- (EXCLAIMS)
- (EXHALES)

1186
00:55:42,500 --> 00:55:43,615
Been working out.

1187
00:55:43,700 --> 00:55:46,692
Hey! Man-child here
thinks he can take me.

1188
00:55:47,220 --> 00:55:50,929
Even though he knows
I'm the reigning knuckles champ.

1189
00:55:51,020 --> 00:55:53,773
Two years in a row. Undefeated.

1190
00:55:54,780 --> 00:55:55,974
Bitch.

1191
00:55:56,860 --> 00:55:59,738
Hey, have you noticed everything
around here's a competition, huh?

1192
00:56:00,860 --> 00:56:03,533
Even taking hits from bongs.
(CHUCKLES)

1193
00:56:03,620 --> 00:56:06,532
- Look at you, ping-pong pimp.
- Yeah!

1194
00:56:06,620 --> 00:56:09,180
You see that back there though?
Mac almost took my head off.

1195
00:56:09,300 --> 00:56:10,528
DALE: Hey, look,

1196
00:56:10,700 --> 00:56:13,373
if Mac wanted to
take your head off with that paddle,

1197
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:14,933
he would have.

1198
00:56:15,020 --> 00:56:17,250
All right, man,
he just don't like losing at anything.

1199
00:56:17,340 --> 00:56:18,978
- None of us do.
- (VIDEO GAME BEEPS)

1200
00:56:19,060 --> 00:56:20,254
Fuck yeah!

1201
00:56:20,380 --> 00:56:23,656
Okay, look, that's just, what,
Willoughby, borderline insane?

1202
00:56:23,740 --> 00:56:26,174
- About there? (LAUGHS)
- Yeah, border. Borderline.

1203
00:56:26,340 --> 00:56:28,456
Well, you notice
how everybody was somewhat courteous

1204
00:56:28,540 --> 00:56:30,053
- on the first day or so?
- Yeah.

1205
00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:32,097
See, now the gloves are off.

1206
00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:34,774
All of our true
assholish nature is emerging.

1207
00:56:34,860 --> 00:56:36,259
Ah. Not very healthy.

1208
00:56:36,380 --> 00:56:38,530
DALE: Until we get out
on the field, Jakie.

1209
00:56:39,220 --> 00:56:42,098
This, this, all of this,

1210
00:56:42,900 --> 00:56:45,036
this is why we're
one of the best teams in the nation, man.

1211
00:56:45,060 --> 00:56:46,971
You get a bunch
of competitors together...

1212
00:56:47,060 --> 00:56:50,496
- Yeah.
- ...and you're addicted to winning.

1213
00:56:50,580 --> 00:56:52,036
That's a championship team right there...

1214
00:56:52,060 --> 00:56:54,210
- Oh, I see.
- ...flicking each other's knuckles.

1215
00:56:57,140 --> 00:56:58,368
(NEZ EXCLAIMS)

1216
00:56:59,780 --> 00:57:02,692
- BRUM: All right.
- Damn!

1217
00:57:02,780 --> 00:57:04,657
That's all swolled up.

1218
00:57:04,740 --> 00:57:06,856
That's gonna be erupting
like Mount St. Helens

1219
00:57:06,940 --> 00:57:08,612
or some shit, man.

1220
00:57:08,780 --> 00:57:10,372
- (FLICKS KNUCKLES)
- (NEZ GROANS)

1221
00:57:10,460 --> 00:57:11,973
- BRUM: You had enough?
- (GROANS)

1222
00:57:13,580 --> 00:57:15,236
FINN: See, you can tell a lot
about somebody

1223
00:57:15,260 --> 00:57:16,716
from these stupid little competitions.

1224
00:57:16,740 --> 00:57:17,740
JAKE: Really?

1225
00:57:17,780 --> 00:57:19,691
FINN: Yeah, something's
always revealed, like...

1226
00:57:19,780 --> 00:57:22,214
Are you a competitor? Are you a gamer?

1227
00:57:22,300 --> 00:57:25,975
You know, can you find a way
to overcome all obstacles

1228
00:57:26,060 --> 00:57:28,335
to practically will yourself to victory.

1229
00:57:28,420 --> 00:57:30,411
Or, are you a...

1230
00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:31,853
- Fuck it!
- ...quitter?

1231
00:57:31,940 --> 00:57:33,316
- I'm fucking done, all right!
- (LAUGHING)

1232
00:57:33,340 --> 00:57:35,695
- Folded like a lawn chair.
- Yup. Yup, yup, yup.

1233
00:57:35,780 --> 00:57:37,850
- Good game, man.
- You can't...

1234
00:57:37,940 --> 00:57:39,658
No, you can't beat me twice in a row!

1235
00:57:39,740 --> 00:57:41,537
I know that for a fucking fact!

1236
00:57:41,620 --> 00:57:44,259
And it's best two out of three, okay?

1237
00:57:44,420 --> 00:57:45,535
Them's the rule, Brums!

1238
00:57:45,620 --> 00:57:47,690
- Okay, man.
- Okay, all right!

1239
00:57:47,780 --> 00:57:49,236
- Give me my hat, all right?
- (LAUGHING)

1240
00:57:49,260 --> 00:57:51,012
Stop laughing, Coma!
It's not fucking funny!

1241
00:57:51,100 --> 00:57:53,170
Tomorrow, same time, all right?

1242
00:57:53,300 --> 00:57:54,619
- Sure thing.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

1243
00:57:54,780 --> 00:57:56,850
Stop laughing, Dale!

1244
00:57:58,300 --> 00:57:59,596
BRUM: Hey, you're still the champ!

1245
00:57:59,620 --> 00:58:01,212
NEZ: Fuck off, Brum!

1246
00:58:01,300 --> 00:58:02,436
You'll always be the champ, Nesie.

1247
00:58:02,460 --> 00:58:03,529
Shut up. Let's go.

1248
00:58:03,620 --> 00:58:05,980
- Hey, did you guys see me win?
- Put your fucking hands up.

1249
00:58:06,940 --> 00:58:09,215
PLUM: Who are these people?

1250
00:58:09,300 --> 00:58:11,131
Like this guy with the backpack?

1251
00:58:12,140 --> 00:58:14,256
And this dude on the porch?

1252
00:58:14,660 --> 00:58:16,890
Like, I know what we're doing here.

1253
00:58:16,980 --> 00:58:19,130
You know, we're playing baseball.

1254
00:58:19,220 --> 00:58:21,780
What are all these
other guys doing here?

1255
00:58:21,860 --> 00:58:22,956
COMA: Yeah, I think that, too.

1256
00:58:22,980 --> 00:58:24,780
Like, what would it be like
to go through life

1257
00:58:24,820 --> 00:58:27,414
knowing there's no way
you'd ever play pro ball?

1258
00:58:27,500 --> 00:58:29,456
Exactly.

1259
00:58:29,540 --> 00:58:33,579
All these people
never be anything more than

1260
00:58:33,660 --> 00:58:36,732
some dude doing some job,

1261
00:58:36,820 --> 00:58:39,175
just like everybody else.

1262
00:58:39,260 --> 00:58:40,295
Bradford!

1263
00:58:41,380 --> 00:58:42,415
Ha-ha!

1264
00:58:42,500 --> 00:58:45,060
Holy shit! Justin?

1265
00:58:45,140 --> 00:58:47,096
- Hey!
- What's up, man?

1266
00:58:47,180 --> 00:58:48,900
- How you doing?
- This is where you living?

1267
00:58:48,980 --> 00:58:51,096
As of right now,
but hey, don't let them know.

1268
00:58:51,180 --> 00:58:53,091
These are my teammates.
Plum, Finn, and Coma.

1269
00:58:53,180 --> 00:58:55,740
- What's going on, fellas?
- Hey, guys, this is Justin.

1270
00:58:55,820 --> 00:58:57,476
We used to play ball
in high school together.

1271
00:58:57,500 --> 00:58:59,934
- PLUM: What's up?
- What's happening, man?

1272
00:59:00,020 --> 00:59:01,772
Not much. But hey,
I'm loving this new look.

1273
00:59:01,860 --> 00:59:03,088
- Oh, yeah?
- This new 'do!

1274
00:59:03,180 --> 00:59:05,057
I love this. What, is it pledge week?

1275
00:59:05,140 --> 00:59:06,619
- Yeah. Fuck you, too.
- (CHUCKLES)

1276
00:59:06,700 --> 00:59:08,156
- Come on, let's get a beer. Come in.
- Yeah.

1277
00:59:08,180 --> 00:59:10,091
Hey, you guys want a beer? Come on.

1278
00:59:10,180 --> 00:59:12,091
- Why not?
- Why?

1279
00:59:12,180 --> 00:59:14,020
JUSTIN: This is my old
high school buddy, Jake.

1280
00:59:15,140 --> 00:59:16,619
Hey, you still with Gretchen?

1281
00:59:16,700 --> 00:59:18,213
Fuck Gretchen!

1282
00:59:19,580 --> 00:59:21,491
(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

1283
00:59:22,540 --> 00:59:24,770
JAKE: Hey, you gotta
walk me through this, man.

1284
00:59:24,860 --> 00:59:27,454
What, you just wake up
one morning just fucking... (YELLS)

1285
00:59:27,540 --> 00:59:28,973
Nah, man. It's as simple as this.

1286
00:59:29,060 --> 00:59:31,449
You go to a show,
meet a couple of cute girls,

1287
00:59:31,540 --> 00:59:33,132
get drunk, later that night

1288
00:59:33,220 --> 00:59:36,020
they're chopping bits of your hair off,
giving you real bangs. (LAUGHS)

1289
00:59:36,380 --> 00:59:38,940
Used to, I'd be like, "No, don't do that."

1290
00:59:39,020 --> 00:59:40,248
But now that I don't play

1291
00:59:40,340 --> 00:59:41,636
- on a team anymore...
- (HUMMING)

1292
00:59:41,660 --> 00:59:44,254
...or I'm doing anything
particularly "respectable,"

1293
00:59:44,340 --> 00:59:45,568
I'm like, fuck it!

1294
00:59:45,660 --> 00:59:47,616
Whatever, man.

1295
00:59:48,500 --> 00:59:49,876
Mmm. Oh, we're going to a show soon.

1296
00:59:49,900 --> 00:59:51,196
Man, there are six bands in town,

1297
00:59:51,220 --> 00:59:53,051
some from L.A., some from Austin.

1298
00:59:53,140 --> 00:59:54,900
We're gonna go in a bit.
You guys wanna join?

1299
00:59:55,620 --> 00:59:57,451
Uh, we've got our party tonight.

1300
00:59:57,540 --> 01:00:00,498
Yeah, yeah,
we should probably set up for it, right?

1301
01:00:00,580 --> 01:00:02,556
No, it's not till later.
Yeah. No, we're just walking around,

1302
01:00:02,580 --> 01:00:03,676
heading to the Student Center.

1303
01:00:03,700 --> 01:00:07,488
Student Center? Come with us.
Come on, we'll fix you up!

1304
01:00:07,580 --> 01:00:08,729
You guys down for that?

1305
01:00:08,900 --> 01:00:09,900
Uh...

1306
01:00:10,100 --> 01:00:11,169
Finn?

1307
01:00:12,420 --> 01:00:14,251
- Of course we're down!
- JUSTIN: Yeah!

1308
01:00:14,340 --> 01:00:17,332
Come on, man. What about
Costello or the Talking Heads?

1309
01:00:17,420 --> 01:00:19,331
They're great. Devo and The Cars,

1310
01:00:19,420 --> 01:00:21,376
look, there's a lot of
decent stuff out there.

1311
01:00:21,460 --> 01:00:23,735
We got a whole
'nother thing going on around here.

1312
01:00:23,820 --> 01:00:26,015
This? This is ours.

1313
01:00:26,100 --> 01:00:28,568
(CHUCKLES) At least take
the sunglasses off, man.

1314
01:00:28,660 --> 01:00:30,093
You look like a fucking narc.

1315
01:00:30,180 --> 01:00:31,636
Hey, I don't think we really fit in here.

1316
01:00:31,660 --> 01:00:34,538
No, no, you don't fit in.
Okay, I told you to change.

1317
01:00:34,620 --> 01:00:35,916
Will you at least untuck your shirt?

1318
01:00:35,940 --> 01:00:37,293
You look like a Bible salesman.

1319
01:00:37,460 --> 01:00:39,257
These people could really use a Bible!

1320
01:00:39,340 --> 01:00:41,012
Got both of them.

1321
01:00:41,140 --> 01:00:42,175
Whoo!

1322
01:00:42,260 --> 01:00:43,580
- (PLAYING PUNK MUSIC)
- (SINGING)

1323
01:00:43,620 --> 01:00:44,814
(CROWD CHEERING)

1324
01:00:59,820 --> 01:01:01,811
I'm starting to have
an identity crisis here.

1325
01:01:03,660 --> 01:01:05,093
What are you talking about?

1326
01:01:06,220 --> 01:01:07,972
Look at us, man.

1327
01:01:08,060 --> 01:01:09,796
The last three nights,
we've danced at a disco,

1328
01:01:09,820 --> 01:01:11,538
total mindless disco music,

1329
01:01:11,620 --> 01:01:13,372
danced the Cotton-Eyed Joe
in kicker attire,

1330
01:01:14,020 --> 01:01:15,851
and here we are, punks for a night.

1331
01:01:17,460 --> 01:01:20,099
It sort of begs the question
about who we really are.

1332
01:01:20,660 --> 01:01:22,140
Are you insecure about the duck feet?

1333
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,476
So insecure about the duck feet.

1334
01:01:23,500 --> 01:01:24,853
The duck feet look great, dude.

1335
01:01:24,940 --> 01:01:27,135
- Serious? Promise?
- Yeah, they look great.

1336
01:01:27,220 --> 01:01:29,017
Look, I'll tell you who we are.

1337
01:01:29,100 --> 01:01:30,556
We're a couple of guys
who are gonna do

1338
01:01:30,580 --> 01:01:32,969
whatever it takes to get laid.
That's who we are.

1339
01:01:33,060 --> 01:01:34,413
It just seems a little phony.

1340
01:01:34,500 --> 01:01:37,776
It's not phony. Okay? It's adaptive.

1341
01:01:37,860 --> 01:01:38,956
All right, think about this.

1342
01:01:38,980 --> 01:01:41,448
There are animals, salmon, spiders

1343
01:01:41,540 --> 01:01:44,418
that will literally die
in the process of mating.

1344
01:01:44,500 --> 01:01:45,819
I mean, what are we doing?

1345
01:01:45,900 --> 01:01:47,756
We're switching around
our wardrobe a little bit.

1346
01:01:47,780 --> 01:01:49,691
- It's camouflage!
- (MUSIC CONTINUES)

1347
01:01:50,700 --> 01:01:51,836
You need to stop thinking so much.

1348
01:01:51,860 --> 01:01:52,940
You're fucking yourself up.

1349
01:01:53,020 --> 01:01:55,534
Oh! Dude, look at you, man.
You're one to talk.

1350
01:01:55,620 --> 01:01:56,836
I actually don't think that much.

1351
01:01:56,860 --> 01:02:00,250
I actually don't think at all.
I just, you know, I talk a lot.

1352
01:02:00,340 --> 01:02:02,808
This is the jazz improv. You're invited.

1353
01:02:05,420 --> 01:02:07,012
FINN: Uh-oh.
JAKE: What?

1354
01:02:07,140 --> 01:02:08,414
FINN: Listen.

1355
01:02:09,660 --> 01:02:10,775
Hear that?

1356
01:02:11,180 --> 01:02:13,455
That's the Gilligan's Island theme song!

1357
01:02:13,540 --> 01:02:14,655
Yes, it is.

1358
01:02:14,740 --> 01:02:16,617
You can make a punk song out of that?

1359
01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:18,736
Coming full circle.

1360
01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:20,657
It's all coming around.

1361
01:02:25,740 --> 01:02:27,139
(CROWD CHEERING)

1362
01:02:31,340 --> 01:02:32,375
Are you liking it?

1363
01:02:32,500 --> 01:02:34,456
I'm liking it. Shall we go?

1364
01:02:36,820 --> 01:02:38,139
(YELLS)

1365
01:03:02,380 --> 01:03:03,938
ROPER: This might be our best batch.

1366
01:03:04,020 --> 01:03:06,488
NEZ: (LAUGHS)
This is gonna be the best ever.

1367
01:03:08,380 --> 01:03:11,895
That's some pussy shit.
It tastes like fruit punch.

1368
01:03:11,980 --> 01:03:14,813
Well, that's the sign
of a good coon dog punch, Coma.

1369
01:03:14,900 --> 01:03:17,733
No, no, not until Coma gets in here.

1370
01:03:17,820 --> 01:03:18,855
All right,

1371
01:03:18,940 --> 01:03:20,692
- so this is about done.
- Mmm-hmm.

1372
01:03:21,220 --> 01:03:22,938
What I need you to do is take that sifter,

1373
01:03:23,020 --> 01:03:24,738
and then pour about half of that.

1374
01:03:24,820 --> 01:03:26,299
- Okay.
- Just about half.

1375
01:03:26,860 --> 01:03:27,975
Into the bowl.

1376
01:03:39,860 --> 01:03:41,851
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

1377
01:04:02,620 --> 01:04:05,418
PLUM: (CHEERING) Brain dead, let's go!

1378
01:04:06,260 --> 01:04:09,491
All right! Jake!
Where you fucking been, man?

1379
01:04:09,580 --> 01:04:10,615
What's up?

1380
01:04:10,700 --> 01:04:12,292
You got some catching up to do.

1381
01:04:12,380 --> 01:04:13,972
Get in here! You're up!

1382
01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:16,170
- GIRL: Go, go, go.
- (PEOPLE CHEERING)

1383
01:04:16,260 --> 01:04:18,933
- GIRL: Oh, my God.
- Oh! Hey! (LAUGHS)

1384
01:04:19,020 --> 01:04:21,250
Welcome to the fucking party, Jake!

1385
01:04:21,340 --> 01:04:23,058
- (GIRLS LAUGHING)
- Yeah, baby!

1386
01:04:23,140 --> 01:04:25,335
You know what they call me?

1387
01:04:25,420 --> 01:04:27,251
The raw dog. (CHUCKLES)

1388
01:04:27,340 --> 01:04:29,058
You wanna know why?

1389
01:04:30,060 --> 01:04:32,813
'Cause I'm the fucking raw dog, man.

1390
01:04:32,900 --> 01:04:34,777
FINN: It's not about the ingredients,

1391
01:04:34,860 --> 01:04:37,499
it's about the way
the ingredients make you feel.

1392
01:04:37,580 --> 01:04:39,093
The experience.

1393
01:04:40,260 --> 01:04:45,414
That's why I say, "Indulge in temptation."

1394
01:04:45,500 --> 01:04:47,297
I'm not watching.

1395
01:04:47,540 --> 01:04:48,689
(CHUCKLES)

1396
01:04:49,300 --> 01:04:50,733
(SLURPS)

1397
01:04:50,860 --> 01:04:52,259
- Are you serious?
- Ow!

1398
01:04:52,340 --> 01:04:53,409
(GROANS)

1399
01:04:54,940 --> 01:04:56,498
Okay.

1400
01:04:56,580 --> 01:05:00,812
Chug it, Justin! Go, go, go, go, go!

1401
01:05:00,940 --> 01:05:02,692
Whoo-hoo!

1402
01:05:09,260 --> 01:05:11,569
- Whoo!
- Yeah! Here we go.

1403
01:05:13,740 --> 01:05:15,059
(ALL CHEERING)

1404
01:05:16,380 --> 01:05:17,380
Oh!

1405
01:05:18,780 --> 01:05:20,577
- Yes.
- (YELLS)

1406
01:05:20,660 --> 01:05:22,020
WILLOUGHBY: So, where is the flag?

1407
01:05:22,060 --> 01:05:23,288
FINN: Right there, Volkswagen.

1408
01:05:23,420 --> 01:05:25,217
Oh, there's the flag.

1409
01:05:25,340 --> 01:05:27,535
- Ready?
- Aim...

1410
01:05:28,340 --> 01:05:29,739
BOTH: Fire.

1411
01:05:30,380 --> 01:05:31,415
Oh!

1412
01:05:31,500 --> 01:05:32,979
- (LAUGHS)
- Wow.

1413
01:05:34,740 --> 01:05:35,956
- You are a natural.
- Thank you.

1414
01:05:35,980 --> 01:05:37,396
- I don't know. I don't know.
- Let's go!

1415
01:05:37,420 --> 01:05:39,012
- (GIRL SQUEALS)
- (ALL GROANING)

1416
01:05:39,100 --> 01:05:41,156
Come on, no one on their
deathbed is filled with regrets

1417
01:05:41,180 --> 01:05:43,250
of the things they've done.

1418
01:05:44,340 --> 01:05:47,059
It's those things they didn't do.

1419
01:05:47,140 --> 01:05:50,769
You're not gonna let this be
one of those things, are you?

1420
01:05:51,820 --> 01:05:52,855
I guess not.

1421
01:05:52,940 --> 01:05:54,373
Of course not!

1422
01:05:55,220 --> 01:05:56,335
Yeah?

1423
01:05:56,420 --> 01:05:58,775
Competitors ready? Go!

1424
01:05:58,860 --> 01:06:00,054
(ALL CHEERING)

1425
01:06:02,740 --> 01:06:04,093
- Yeah.
- Go!

1426
01:06:20,980 --> 01:06:22,732
- BOY: Yeah!
- GIRL: Whoo!

1427
01:06:23,260 --> 01:06:24,488
(WHOOPING)

1428
01:06:29,860 --> 01:06:30,860
(YELLS)

1429
01:06:31,140 --> 01:06:32,459
Okay, baby!

1430
01:06:38,900 --> 01:06:40,128
(ALL CHEERING)

1431
01:06:49,020 --> 01:06:50,214
(CHEERING)

1432
01:06:55,660 --> 01:06:56,660
(GROANING)

1433
01:07:01,020 --> 01:07:03,011
- Let's go!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

1434
01:07:03,100 --> 01:07:04,169
Let's go!

1435
01:07:04,460 --> 01:07:06,178
(BOTH YELLING)

1436
01:07:07,020 --> 01:07:08,294
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1437
01:07:09,580 --> 01:07:10,808
(PHONE RINGING)

1438
01:07:18,900 --> 01:07:20,492
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

1439
01:07:28,020 --> 01:07:29,020
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

1440
01:07:30,460 --> 01:07:31,939
- Phone.
- What, man?

1441
01:07:32,020 --> 01:07:33,931
Dude, some chick on the line, man.

1442
01:07:34,020 --> 01:07:35,214
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1443
01:07:35,300 --> 01:07:37,894
Said she wanted to squat on your boner.

1444
01:07:38,340 --> 01:07:39,568
(LAUGHING)

1445
01:07:39,820 --> 01:07:40,969
(MOUTHING)

1446
01:07:41,460 --> 01:07:42,779
- Hello?
- (DOOR CLOSES)

1447
01:07:42,860 --> 01:07:43,929
Hi.

1448
01:07:44,060 --> 01:07:46,176
Is this the guy that left
the flowers on my door?

1449
01:07:46,260 --> 01:07:48,137
Yeah.

1450
01:07:48,220 --> 01:07:49,255
Yeah.

1451
01:07:49,380 --> 01:07:51,814
Hey, you're the quiet guy
in the back seat, Jake.

1452
01:07:51,900 --> 01:07:54,368
Yeah. Yeah. Hi.

1453
01:07:54,460 --> 01:07:59,250
Hi. It's the quote-unquote
"auburn-haired girl in 307."

1454
01:07:59,900 --> 01:08:01,936
That was just so there
wouldn't be any confusion,

1455
01:08:02,060 --> 01:08:05,370
but, uh, wow, I'm glad you called.
That was quick.

1456
01:08:05,740 --> 01:08:07,890
Yeah, no, I mean,
it was the least I could do

1457
01:08:07,980 --> 01:08:10,699
after you went to all that trouble.

1458
01:08:10,780 --> 01:08:13,340
How did you know what room I was in?

1459
01:08:13,660 --> 01:08:16,697
I'm an Investigative Journalism major.

1460
01:08:17,500 --> 01:08:19,536
(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
I have very special ways.

1461
01:08:19,620 --> 01:08:22,692
So, uh, I guess you know my name then.

1462
01:08:22,780 --> 01:08:25,135
Yes. As soon as you tell me.

1463
01:08:26,340 --> 01:08:29,616
Huh. Well, Jake, it's so interesting,
'cause I feel like there...

1464
01:08:29,740 --> 01:08:33,653
Investigative Journalism
is not an official major here,

1465
01:08:33,740 --> 01:08:35,617
but my name is Beverly.

1466
01:08:35,700 --> 01:08:36,815
Hello, Beverly.

1467
01:08:36,900 --> 01:08:40,097
Hey. So, what do you study?

1468
01:08:40,940 --> 01:08:42,620
What, the old
"What's your major" question?

1469
01:08:42,660 --> 01:08:44,616
Is that really what you're asking me?

1470
01:08:44,700 --> 01:08:45,928
I don't know.

1471
01:08:46,020 --> 01:08:47,214
Hey, that's not really fair.

1472
01:08:47,300 --> 01:08:49,860
I took special care.
I didn't say that word, okay?

1473
01:08:50,500 --> 01:08:53,094
I'm just... I'm curious. Maybe you study

1474
01:08:53,180 --> 01:08:55,455
poetry, with that...
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

1475
01:08:55,540 --> 01:08:57,974
...charming Rod McKuen bit
you quoted in your note.

1476
01:08:58,100 --> 01:09:00,056
Ah, I'm pretty sure that'd be Whitman.

1477
01:09:00,180 --> 01:09:02,250
I was just testing you. You pass.

1478
01:09:02,340 --> 01:09:04,217
A. A-minus.

1479
01:09:04,300 --> 01:09:08,578
So, what do you, uh,
concentrate on here?

1480
01:09:08,660 --> 01:09:14,212
I concentrate on
theater and dance, performing arts.

1481
01:09:14,300 --> 01:09:15,528
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

1482
01:09:15,620 --> 01:09:16,848
That's so cool, wow.

1483
01:09:17,460 --> 01:09:19,735
What do you do? I mean,
you didn't really answer me.

1484
01:09:19,820 --> 01:09:22,254
You just made fun of me.

1485
01:09:22,340 --> 01:09:25,093
Oh, I'm, uh, I'm on the baseball team.

1486
01:09:25,180 --> 01:09:26,374
- Really?
- Yeah.

1487
01:09:26,460 --> 01:09:27,813
- No.
- Yeah.

1488
01:09:28,260 --> 01:09:29,316
You don't really seem like it.

1489
01:09:29,340 --> 01:09:30,375
Seem like what?

1490
01:09:30,820 --> 01:09:31,820
(STAMMERS)

1491
01:09:31,900 --> 01:09:34,209
Aren't most athletes kind of...

1492
01:09:37,700 --> 01:09:39,895
- Kind of dumb?
- No, no, no.

1493
01:09:39,980 --> 01:09:41,493
No, not dumb necessarily.

1494
01:09:42,180 --> 01:09:44,899
Single-minded, and...

1495
01:09:47,180 --> 01:09:48,476
- Okay, dumb.
- You know, actually,

1496
01:09:48,500 --> 01:09:50,377
there's probably
the same ratio of intelligence

1497
01:09:50,460 --> 01:09:52,416
on my baseball team
as there is anywhere else.

1498
01:09:52,500 --> 01:09:53,728
Which isn't very much.

1499
01:09:53,820 --> 01:09:55,094
Unfortunately true.

1500
01:09:55,180 --> 01:09:57,296
- Hey, Jake.
- Yeah?

1501
01:09:57,380 --> 01:10:00,213
I kinda hate talking on the phone
for extended periods of time.

1502
01:10:00,340 --> 01:10:02,490
It feels so high school.

1503
01:10:02,580 --> 01:10:04,775
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- Right? Yeah.

1504
01:10:04,860 --> 01:10:06,836
Yeah, and now that
I've determined I don't really think

1505
01:10:06,860 --> 01:10:09,328
you're the Hillside
Strangler anymore, um...

1506
01:10:10,860 --> 01:10:12,213
I think.

1507
01:10:12,300 --> 01:10:15,258
Do you, uh, maybe wanna continue
this conversation in person?

1508
01:10:15,380 --> 01:10:16,972
- I don't know.
- Yeah.

1509
01:10:17,060 --> 01:10:18,937
- Yeah? Okay.
- Yeah.

1510
01:10:19,020 --> 01:10:21,329
Well, I'm around
for the next couple of hours. Oh...

1511
01:10:21,420 --> 01:10:25,129
Out, actually, for the rest of the day
and most of the night, though.

1512
01:10:25,220 --> 01:10:27,495
Okay, so should I come over
like right now?

1513
01:10:28,740 --> 01:10:29,934
If you want.

1514
01:10:30,060 --> 01:10:31,175
Cool, yeah, okay.

1515
01:10:31,260 --> 01:10:32,516
I'll head over pretty soon then.

1516
01:10:32,540 --> 01:10:34,610
Okay. Pretty soon. Then I'll see you then.

1517
01:10:34,700 --> 01:10:36,116
- Okay, cool. Yeah, see you.
- Pretty soon.

1518
01:10:36,140 --> 01:10:37,289
Okay.

1519
01:10:38,220 --> 01:10:39,619
(SOFTLY) Fuck.

1520
01:10:41,900 --> 01:10:43,516
So, what's your strategy?
What's the game plan?

1521
01:10:43,540 --> 01:10:45,576
Don't tell me you're flying blind
into this thing.

1522
01:10:45,700 --> 01:10:48,453
Dude, I don't know. I mean, she's cool.

1523
01:10:48,580 --> 01:10:50,013
She's smart, you know?

1524
01:10:50,100 --> 01:10:52,180
Not one of these airheads
we got running around here.

1525
01:10:52,580 --> 01:10:55,174
Okay. Well, then just
don't come across like a dumb jock.

1526
01:10:55,580 --> 01:10:56,899
All right, her antennas are out.

1527
01:10:57,020 --> 01:11:00,092
She's gonna be
looking for signs of dip-shitification.

1528
01:11:00,180 --> 01:11:01,620
Yeah. You trying to make me nervous?

1529
01:11:02,180 --> 01:11:04,057
No, like they say, pressure's a choice.

1530
01:11:05,660 --> 01:11:07,676
Well, you gotta approach it like
getting out on the mound,

1531
01:11:07,700 --> 01:11:09,497
taking an at bat. Yeah.

1532
01:11:09,580 --> 01:11:11,571
Put everything else out of your mind.

1533
01:11:11,700 --> 01:11:12,894
Hey, Coma.

1534
01:11:13,060 --> 01:11:14,436
Just let natural ability take over.

1535
01:11:14,460 --> 01:11:15,460
Mmm-hmm.

1536
01:11:15,580 --> 01:11:17,730
Assuming, you know,
you have natural ability.

1537
01:11:17,860 --> 01:11:20,852
Ah. A, fuck you. B, bye.

1538
01:11:22,540 --> 01:11:25,976
Ah. C, she say
if her roommate's gonna be there?

1539
01:11:26,060 --> 01:11:28,051
(GRUNTS) D, I don't know. Why?

1540
01:11:28,140 --> 01:11:30,017
E, 'cause I think I'm gonna, you know,

1541
01:11:30,100 --> 01:11:32,260
grant her the old Finnegasm.
Here, I'm coming with you.

1542
01:11:32,300 --> 01:11:33,858
- No, F that and you.
- No, Jake, Jake!

1543
01:11:33,940 --> 01:11:35,089
Come on, Jake!

1544
01:11:37,100 --> 01:11:40,217
Just trying to help you! Ungrateful kid.

1545
01:11:40,340 --> 01:11:41,819
Coma, wake up!

1546
01:11:55,900 --> 01:11:57,572
- Hey.
- Hi, Jake.

1547
01:12:01,460 --> 01:12:03,257
- Wanna come in? Okay.
- Sure. Yeah.

1548
01:12:03,340 --> 01:12:04,340
(CHUCKLES)

1549
01:12:05,140 --> 01:12:06,596
BEVERLY: Rock 'n' roll isn't about being

1550
01:12:06,620 --> 01:12:08,929
glamorous or hip, it's a force.

1551
01:12:09,020 --> 01:12:15,255
It's a revolutionary,
political, sexual and poetic force.

1552
01:12:15,900 --> 01:12:17,492
Yeah.

1553
01:12:17,580 --> 01:12:19,116
You're not one
of those guys that thinks that

1554
01:12:19,140 --> 01:12:21,210
Jim Morrison is still alive, are you?

1555
01:12:21,340 --> 01:12:22,898
- Uh, no.
- Good.

1556
01:12:22,980 --> 01:12:24,049
Why?

1557
01:12:24,140 --> 01:12:26,051
I found it to be a good litmus test.

1558
01:12:26,140 --> 01:12:27,812
(WHISPERING) Any other litmus tests?

1559
01:12:27,900 --> 01:12:29,970
(CHUCKLING) Not at the moment.

1560
01:12:30,340 --> 01:12:32,729
So, you were really good
at baseball in high school?

1561
01:12:33,380 --> 01:12:34,733
Yeah. I mean, every guy here

1562
01:12:34,820 --> 01:12:36,890
was the baddest guy
on his high school team.

1563
01:12:37,020 --> 01:12:38,316
You know, that's a big
adjustment to make.

1564
01:12:38,340 --> 01:12:39,340
You want a Dr. Pepper?

1565
01:12:39,420 --> 01:12:41,300
No, no, I'm all right, thanks.
(INHALES SHARPLY)

1566
01:12:41,380 --> 01:12:43,476
You know, not only
are you not the best guy on the team,

1567
01:12:43,500 --> 01:12:45,036
you know, you're barely even
good enough to be here.

1568
01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:46,129
Yeah.

1569
01:12:46,220 --> 01:12:47,653
You know?

1570
01:12:47,780 --> 01:12:49,498
It's a little intimidating.

1571
01:12:50,020 --> 01:12:53,171
What about you?
You play any sports in high school?

1572
01:12:53,260 --> 01:12:54,820
No. We didn't even have any sports, no.

1573
01:12:54,860 --> 01:12:55,929
- No?
- No.

1574
01:12:56,020 --> 01:12:58,739
But it's the same thing that you're saying
with the performing arts.

1575
01:12:58,860 --> 01:13:00,596
Everybody here was the best
in their high school,

1576
01:13:00,620 --> 01:13:02,133
got the lead in every play,

1577
01:13:02,220 --> 01:13:05,371
and now we're just gonna be
hoping to get cast in anything.

1578
01:13:05,460 --> 01:13:06,939
And there's a lot of talent around.

1579
01:13:07,020 --> 01:13:09,215
Yeah. Yeah.
Where did you go to high school?

1580
01:13:09,300 --> 01:13:11,530
HSPVA.

1581
01:13:11,620 --> 01:13:14,180
Which, although it sounds
like a venereal disease...

1582
01:13:14,260 --> 01:13:15,295
Yeah.

1583
01:13:15,380 --> 01:13:18,372
It's actually High School for
Performing and Visual Arts.

1584
01:13:18,460 --> 01:13:20,451
- Like the one in Fame?
- Kind of.

1585
01:13:20,540 --> 01:13:23,771
We weren't spontaneously
performing in the streets

1586
01:13:23,900 --> 01:13:25,094
in large groups or anything,

1587
01:13:25,180 --> 01:13:28,217
but we were so ridiculous.

1588
01:13:28,300 --> 01:13:31,975
Like, the theater kids
would be hysterically crying

1589
01:13:32,060 --> 01:13:33,288
in the bathroom stalls,

1590
01:13:33,380 --> 01:13:36,577
visual artists like (SNORTS)
anything they could find.

1591
01:13:36,660 --> 01:13:37,979
Dancers... (RETCHING)

1592
01:13:38,060 --> 01:13:40,051
And musical theater kids...

1593
01:13:40,180 --> 01:13:41,693
La-la-la!

1594
01:13:42,660 --> 01:13:44,890
It was so fun, I loved it!

1595
01:13:44,980 --> 01:13:46,777
Yeah, I loved it.

1596
01:13:46,900 --> 01:13:50,973
And it was a great place
to be able to cultivate the thing

1597
01:13:51,060 --> 01:13:53,051
that you loved most in life, you know?

1598
01:13:53,180 --> 01:13:54,374
So you're really serious.

1599
01:13:54,460 --> 01:13:56,576
Yeah, I'm moving to New York
the second I graduate.

1600
01:13:56,660 --> 01:13:58,890
- Really?
- Yeah. God, I can't wait.

1601
01:13:59,780 --> 01:14:01,036
So, what's this thing you're doing later?

1602
01:14:01,060 --> 01:14:02,060
Oh...

1603
01:14:02,500 --> 01:14:04,092
Helping decorate for a party at Oz.

1604
01:14:04,180 --> 01:14:05,408
Mmm. What's Oz?

1605
01:14:05,500 --> 01:14:07,297
This big house just outside of town,

1606
01:14:07,380 --> 01:14:09,655
where a lot of theater majors live.

1607
01:14:09,780 --> 01:14:13,011
And apparently the party's
a first weekend tradition.

1608
01:14:13,100 --> 01:14:15,409
They, like,
recruited us freshmen to help set up.

1609
01:14:15,500 --> 01:14:17,172
- Probably do the shit work.
- Nice.

1610
01:14:17,260 --> 01:14:19,410
Um, you could
probably come, if you want.

1611
01:14:19,540 --> 01:14:21,116
- Cool. Yeah, cool.
- Yeah, might be fun.

1612
01:14:21,140 --> 01:14:23,529
I mean, we have our first practice
this afternoon, but yeah.

1613
01:14:23,620 --> 01:14:24,769
Yeah, it sounds great.

1614
01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:26,418
Cool.

1615
01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:28,695
Is it baseball season now?

1616
01:14:28,780 --> 01:14:29,780
Mmm-mmm.

1617
01:14:29,860 --> 01:14:31,930
Okay. Well, when do you stop,
like, rehearsals

1618
01:14:32,020 --> 01:14:34,011
and start doing the actual game?

1619
01:14:34,100 --> 01:14:36,853
Well, the official season
doesn't start till the spring,

1620
01:14:36,940 --> 01:14:38,180
but we got a big fall schedule.

1621
01:14:38,220 --> 01:14:39,676
- Uh-huh.
- It's just a players-only practice

1622
01:14:39,700 --> 01:14:41,850
to kick things off.

1623
01:14:41,980 --> 01:14:44,653
Oh, you know, it's kind of
a dress-up party tonight.

1624
01:14:44,780 --> 01:14:46,691
You could come all sweaty
and in your uniform.

1625
01:14:46,780 --> 01:14:48,816
People might think
you're method, I don't know.

1626
01:14:48,900 --> 01:14:50,116
Might be a hit with the ladies.

1627
01:14:50,140 --> 01:14:51,539
Now I definitely gotta be there.

1628
01:14:51,620 --> 01:14:52,620
(LAUGHS)

1629
01:14:55,660 --> 01:14:57,139
FINN: You're seriously trying?

1630
01:14:57,220 --> 01:14:59,176
NEZ: No, not right now, but I can't do it.

1631
01:14:59,260 --> 01:15:00,375
FINN: It's impossible. I...

1632
01:15:00,460 --> 01:15:01,596
NEZ: I've never been able to do it.

1633
01:15:01,620 --> 01:15:02,916
FINN: I know a lot about the human body,

1634
01:15:02,940 --> 01:15:04,156
and I've never seen anything like that.

1635
01:15:04,180 --> 01:15:06,136
ROPER: Watch this.
You ready? Try to move.

1636
01:15:06,220 --> 01:15:07,653
(NEZ GRUNTING)

1637
01:15:08,700 --> 01:15:11,772
FINN: We all tried it.
ROPER: No. It's impossible.

1638
01:15:11,860 --> 01:15:13,578
Oh. What's up, dude? You gotta see this.

1639
01:15:13,660 --> 01:15:14,660
What is it?

1640
01:15:15,300 --> 01:15:16,676
It's this physiological phenomenon.

1641
01:15:16,700 --> 01:15:18,736
You close your eyes
and somebody places a thumb

1642
01:15:18,820 --> 01:15:20,538
below the chest bone in the solar plexus,

1643
01:15:20,620 --> 01:15:22,736
semi-paralyzes the whole upper torso.

1644
01:15:22,820 --> 01:15:24,156
- He can't sit up.
- That's ridiculous.

1645
01:15:24,180 --> 01:15:26,250
- From here to here.
- Go on, show me.

1646
01:15:26,340 --> 01:15:27,396
Dude, the whole team's tried it.

1647
01:15:27,420 --> 01:15:28,694
- Try it again, Nesbit.
- Okay.

1648
01:15:28,780 --> 01:15:30,133
- (GROANS)
- (LAUGHING)

1649
01:15:30,220 --> 01:15:31,756
Nope. I'm telling you,
it's absolutely impossible.

1650
01:15:31,780 --> 01:15:33,850
JAKE: It's a thumb
on your fucking chest, Nesbit.

1651
01:15:33,940 --> 01:15:35,220
- ROPER: You can't, no.
- Get up.

1652
01:15:35,300 --> 01:15:36,335
I wanna give it a shot.

1653
01:15:36,420 --> 01:15:37,853
I'm just saying, you can't do it.

1654
01:15:37,940 --> 01:15:39,419
I know, he thinks he can. All right.

1655
01:15:39,500 --> 01:15:40,636
Make sure and close your eyes,

1656
01:15:40,660 --> 01:15:41,716
'cause that shuts down the spinal.

1657
01:15:41,740 --> 01:15:43,219
Okay, so shut up.

1658
01:15:43,300 --> 01:15:44,528
- Shut your eyes...
- Mmm-mmm.

1659
01:15:44,620 --> 01:15:47,088
- (EXHALES)
- ...and on the count of three,

1660
01:15:47,220 --> 01:15:50,178
finger in the solar plexus,
count of three, try to sit up.

1661
01:15:50,260 --> 01:15:53,013
One, two, three.

1662
01:15:53,340 --> 01:15:54,693
(ALL LAUGHING)

1663
01:15:56,900 --> 01:15:58,538
Good job, baby! Good job!

1664
01:15:58,620 --> 01:15:59,769
(WHOOPING)

1665
01:16:01,220 --> 01:16:03,814
That's what I'm talking about, man!

1666
01:16:03,900 --> 01:16:05,036
- FINN: Beautifully played.
- Oh!

1667
01:16:05,060 --> 01:16:06,459
The hiney was flawless.

1668
01:16:06,540 --> 01:16:07,689
(LAUGHS)

1669
01:16:07,780 --> 01:16:09,460
It all comes down to how well you sell it,

1670
01:16:09,540 --> 01:16:10,676
'cause when he was coming in,

1671
01:16:10,700 --> 01:16:12,930
I was saying "impossible,"
and then when you put the...

1672
01:16:13,020 --> 01:16:14,516
- And I was like... (GRUNTS)
- "What is he doing?"

1673
01:16:14,540 --> 01:16:16,735
- The leg stuff.
- How does that happen?

1674
01:16:16,820 --> 01:16:18,700
Hey, at least it was
before practice, all right?

1675
01:16:18,740 --> 01:16:19,876
'Cause had it been after practice,

1676
01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:21,796
who knows what fucking sweaty
and encrusted items

1677
01:16:21,820 --> 01:16:23,396
I might've encountered
up your ass crack.

1678
01:16:23,420 --> 01:16:25,316
You're a freshman, too.
Not supposed to be hazing me.

1679
01:16:25,340 --> 01:16:26,932
Hey, Jake, man, I'm sorry, all right?

1680
01:16:27,020 --> 01:16:28,135
They made me do it.

1681
01:16:28,220 --> 01:16:29,892
They just got me five minutes ago.

1682
01:16:29,980 --> 01:16:31,095
I'm sorry.

1683
01:16:31,180 --> 01:16:32,533
Hey, and, you,

1684
01:16:32,620 --> 01:16:35,692
with all your physiological
phenomena bullshit.

1685
01:16:35,780 --> 01:16:38,340
Okay, you know, we all take turns
being chumps around here.

1686
01:16:38,420 --> 01:16:40,172
Now, you accept your chumpification,

1687
01:16:40,260 --> 01:16:42,330
you wear it well, and you pass it on.

1688
01:16:42,420 --> 01:16:43,648
It's all you can do.

1689
01:16:43,740 --> 01:16:46,208
Well, well, well,
if it ain't Beuter Perkins! Hey!

1690
01:16:46,300 --> 01:16:47,779
Speaking of.

1691
01:16:52,740 --> 01:16:54,332
ROPER: Hey, Beuter!

1692
01:16:54,420 --> 01:16:56,012
MAC: Beuter Perkins!

1693
01:16:56,100 --> 01:16:59,490
All right now, boys,
it's Billy Autrey, okay?

1694
01:16:59,580 --> 01:17:01,935
Did you give her
two solid inches, Beuter?

1695
01:17:02,020 --> 01:17:05,979
Hey, so, Pops, you pick out a name yet?

1696
01:17:06,100 --> 01:17:08,660
- No, sir. She got the rag.
- ALL: Aww!

1697
01:17:08,740 --> 01:17:11,857
Really? No fucking way!

1698
01:17:11,940 --> 01:17:13,516
- Hey, what's wrong with Jacob?
- (JAKE GROANS)

1699
01:17:13,540 --> 01:17:14,859
- Oh, you gotta see this.
- Yeah.

1700
01:17:14,940 --> 01:17:16,896
It's this physiological phenomenon.

1701
01:17:16,980 --> 01:17:18,396
You close your eyes,
and somebody places

1702
01:17:18,420 --> 01:17:20,556
their finger below the chest bone,
in the solar plexus,

1703
01:17:20,580 --> 01:17:22,377
it semi-paralyzes the whole torso.

1704
01:17:22,460 --> 01:17:23,900
- (JAKE GRUNTS)
- Impossible to move.

1705
01:17:23,980 --> 01:17:25,940
- How about that?
- Hey, Beut, you gotta try this.

1706
01:17:26,060 --> 01:17:27,539
One of them old phenomegans, huh?

1707
01:17:27,620 --> 01:17:29,372
(STRAINING) I can't. Fucking I can't.

1708
01:17:29,460 --> 01:17:32,452
BEUTER: I'll let you boys
deal with that hocus-pocus junk.

1709
01:17:32,660 --> 01:17:34,076
NEZ: Isn't that how you always fuck?

1710
01:17:34,100 --> 01:17:35,100
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

1711
01:17:35,340 --> 01:17:37,456
Rally back.

1712
01:17:37,540 --> 01:17:39,895
(GRUNTS) So, how'd it go
with the Beverly chick?

1713
01:17:39,980 --> 01:17:41,777
PLUM: Yeah, man, you get it in?

1714
01:17:42,220 --> 01:17:44,131
She's cool, you know?

1715
01:17:44,220 --> 01:17:45,892
Went about as well as it could've.

1716
01:17:46,300 --> 01:17:48,814
Probably meeting up with her
at a party later tonight.

1717
01:17:48,900 --> 01:17:51,573
What? What party?

1718
01:17:52,220 --> 01:17:55,132
It's just something
for a bunch of performing arts majors.

1719
01:17:55,220 --> 01:17:56,556
You know, at someone's
house out of town.

1720
01:17:56,580 --> 01:17:57,580
Oh.

1721
01:17:57,660 --> 01:17:58,775
Everybody up!

1722
01:18:01,860 --> 01:18:03,259
Right arm cross.

1723
01:18:05,020 --> 01:18:07,215
All right, fellas,
who's gonna be the first poor fuck

1724
01:18:07,300 --> 01:18:10,497
to take batting practice off Jay Niles

1725
01:18:10,580 --> 01:18:13,572
and his 95-mile-an-hour fastball?

1726
01:18:13,660 --> 01:18:15,457
BRUM: The fuck is wrong with that guy?

1727
01:18:15,540 --> 01:18:16,893
PLAYER 1: I'm not doing it.

1728
01:18:16,980 --> 01:18:18,811
BRUM: He doesn't throw 95.
PLAYER 2: No.

1729
01:18:18,900 --> 01:18:19,900
JAY: Get out of my way.

1730
01:18:19,980 --> 01:18:22,340
- Hey, man, I'm doing it, huh?
- (CHAIN-LINK FENCE RATTLING)

1731
01:18:22,460 --> 01:18:25,099
What? Let's go!
Come on! What'd you say?

1732
01:18:25,180 --> 01:18:26,818
BRUM: Guy's a fucking loon.

1733
01:18:49,340 --> 01:18:50,340
Whoo!

1734
01:19:28,820 --> 01:19:30,890
Willoughby! Come over here.

1735
01:19:33,460 --> 01:19:34,893
Get all your stuff.

1736
01:19:44,780 --> 01:19:46,293
PLAYER: What the hell?

1737
01:19:47,260 --> 01:19:48,534
PLUM: What's going on?

1738
01:19:48,660 --> 01:19:49,888
Well, boys,

1739
01:19:50,220 --> 01:19:52,973
here for a good time,
not a long time, right?

1740
01:19:54,420 --> 01:19:56,615
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.

1741
01:19:56,860 --> 01:19:59,010
Get your ass ready. Let's go.

1742
01:19:59,700 --> 01:20:01,236
- Oh, Jesus Christ, not this psychopath.
- DALE: Oh, shit.

1743
01:20:01,260 --> 01:20:03,171
Here you go, Plum.

1744
01:20:03,300 --> 01:20:04,892
MAC: This'll be interesting.

1745
01:20:04,980 --> 01:20:07,335
PLAYER: What is that?
PLUM: What is he doing?

1746
01:20:07,660 --> 01:20:08,660
(GRUNTS)

1747
01:20:11,340 --> 01:20:13,316
Did he just throw the ball
in the fucking parking lot?

1748
01:20:13,340 --> 01:20:14,916
- (BALL CLATTERING)
- Yeah. There it goes.

1749
01:20:14,940 --> 01:20:16,612
- What the fuck?
- JAY: Let's go!

1750
01:20:22,860 --> 01:20:25,135
- I'm ready. Get in the box.
- Jeez, let's not.

1751
01:20:25,220 --> 01:20:26,220
FINN: Go get him, kid.

1752
01:20:26,300 --> 01:20:28,734
Guy's gonna have a fucking aneurysm
on the mound.

1753
01:20:29,820 --> 01:20:31,890
Fucking looney tune.

1754
01:20:31,980 --> 01:20:33,698
Yeah.

1755
01:20:36,020 --> 01:20:37,339
Oh, yeah!

1756
01:20:37,460 --> 01:20:39,291
Jesus fucking Christ, damn it.

1757
01:20:39,420 --> 01:20:41,217
It's batting practice.

1758
01:20:41,540 --> 01:20:44,498
COMA: Hit it to me!
The ball's coming to me!

1759
01:20:46,060 --> 01:20:47,698
- Oh, yeah.
- Fuck this. I'm done.

1760
01:20:47,820 --> 01:20:48,969
Fuck this guy.

1761
01:20:49,060 --> 01:20:52,496
- Fucking nutjob. Ridiculous.
- You don't want any more?

1762
01:20:52,580 --> 01:20:53,580
All right.

1763
01:20:53,660 --> 01:20:55,332
PLUM: Fucking batting practices.

1764
01:21:04,100 --> 01:21:06,091
Don't fuck it up, man. Let's go.

1765
01:21:06,180 --> 01:21:07,659
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

1766
01:21:08,180 --> 01:21:09,180
Yeah.

1767
01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:12,735
(GRUNTS)

1768
01:21:14,260 --> 01:21:15,534
That's strike one.

1769
01:21:15,620 --> 01:21:17,372
- Hey, Detroit!
- Yeah?

1770
01:21:17,500 --> 01:21:19,156
Those fucking goggles,
you can't use those to read?

1771
01:21:19,180 --> 01:21:20,932
The schedule says "batting practice."

1772
01:21:21,020 --> 01:21:22,658
Scrimmage is later. What the fuck, man.

1773
01:21:22,740 --> 01:21:24,220
Yeah. All right, well, I'm not afraid

1774
01:21:24,380 --> 01:21:26,140
to get this over with
right here, right now.

1775
01:21:26,300 --> 01:21:27,300
(LAUGHS)

1776
01:21:27,420 --> 01:21:28,569
Get what over?

1777
01:21:28,660 --> 01:21:30,810
I'm a fucking pro prospect, too,
and you know it.

1778
01:21:30,900 --> 01:21:31,935
Oh.

1779
01:21:32,020 --> 01:21:33,578
I'm not afraid to challenge you, man.

1780
01:21:33,660 --> 01:21:35,571
And everybody else on this team.

1781
01:21:35,700 --> 01:21:39,739
And I'm not afraid to stick it in
and break it off from day one!

1782
01:21:39,980 --> 01:21:41,049
All right?

1783
01:21:41,380 --> 01:21:42,972
Okay, meat,

1784
01:21:43,060 --> 01:21:44,716
you wanna try to make
that starting rotation

1785
01:21:44,740 --> 01:21:47,174
on your first BP session, huh?

1786
01:21:48,340 --> 01:21:49,455
Be my guest.

1787
01:21:49,540 --> 01:21:51,371
Practice like you play, man.

1788
01:21:53,180 --> 01:21:55,171
Shut his fucking mouth.

1789
01:22:03,420 --> 01:22:05,172
- (JAY GASPS)
- PLAYER 1: Whoo-hoo!

1790
01:22:07,780 --> 01:22:08,895
PLAYER 2: Yeah.

1791
01:22:09,420 --> 01:22:11,331
PLAYER 3: Good hit, McReynolds. Wow.

1792
01:22:11,420 --> 01:22:14,059
I think you've had enough, raw dog.

1793
01:22:14,180 --> 01:22:15,374
That the best shit you got?

1794
01:22:16,140 --> 01:22:18,574
That ain't close to touching 90, son.
Who you fooling?

1795
01:22:18,660 --> 01:22:20,810
Go get that ball,
I'll fucking sign it for you.

1796
01:22:20,900 --> 01:22:24,336
Oh, yeah. Ha-ha-ha.
Real funny, man. Real funny.

1797
01:22:24,420 --> 01:22:26,490
You know, it's first day
of practice, all right?

1798
01:22:27,060 --> 01:22:28,891
- Just warming up.
- Mmm-hmm.

1799
01:22:28,980 --> 01:22:30,756
JAY: You know,
I will go get the fucking ball.

1800
01:22:30,780 --> 01:22:31,780
You know what I'll do?

1801
01:22:31,860 --> 01:22:33,691
I'll shove it up your ass and I'll sign it!

1802
01:22:33,780 --> 01:22:34,780
How's that sound?

1803
01:22:34,820 --> 01:22:36,236
Yeah, hey, you know what,
do what you do best, Niles,

1804
01:22:36,260 --> 01:22:37,356
keep running that fucking mouth,

1805
01:22:37,380 --> 01:22:39,052
'cause it makes you feel better, right?

1806
01:22:39,140 --> 01:22:40,556
You get your teammates
in a fight and kicked out

1807
01:22:40,580 --> 01:22:42,276
of a bar, 'cause you wanna
look fucking tough?

1808
01:22:42,300 --> 01:22:44,609
You're fucking selfish, man!
It's about the team here!

1809
01:22:44,700 --> 01:22:47,055
It's not about you! Go fuck yourself.

1810
01:22:47,140 --> 01:22:50,291
JAY: You know what, man?
I only know 150%, all right?

1811
01:22:50,420 --> 01:22:52,251
You want me on the mound!

1812
01:22:52,340 --> 01:22:54,570
You know I'm a fucking
ballplayer, all right?

1813
01:22:54,660 --> 01:22:55,775
You don't get it!

1814
01:22:56,580 --> 01:22:57,580
Fuck!

1815
01:22:58,220 --> 01:23:01,212
Too fucking philosophical for this shit.

1816
01:23:02,220 --> 01:23:03,778
Fucking balls.

1817
01:23:04,780 --> 01:23:06,293
Fuck that shit.

1818
01:23:09,500 --> 01:23:10,596
PLAYER 1: Yeah.
PLAYER 2: Whoo!

1819
01:23:10,620 --> 01:23:12,020
PLAYER 3: Way to go! Run, run, run!

1820
01:23:12,100 --> 01:23:13,897
(PLAYERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

1821
01:23:19,820 --> 01:23:21,219
(ALL CHEERING)

1822
01:23:23,860 --> 01:23:24,929
Hey, where's my helmet at?

1823
01:23:25,100 --> 01:23:27,060
It's the one with
the three scratches on the bill.

1824
01:23:27,300 --> 01:23:28,756
It's my good luck helmet.
You know what I'm talking about, Finn.

1825
01:23:28,780 --> 01:23:30,740
It's the one with
the three scratches on the bill.

1826
01:23:30,820 --> 01:23:31,996
There's five helmets right there.

1827
01:23:32,020 --> 01:23:33,900
Yeah, grab a helmet
and get in the box. Come on.

1828
01:23:33,940 --> 01:23:35,134
PLAYER: Hey, batter up!

1829
01:23:35,260 --> 01:23:37,899
Might as well put
a strikeout down in the books, fellas.

1830
01:23:37,980 --> 01:23:41,529
Why is the.230 hitter always
the most superstitious?

1831
01:23:41,620 --> 01:23:43,860
News flash, it's not working.
Get some new superstitions.

1832
01:23:44,660 --> 01:23:46,093
You got superstitions.

1833
01:23:46,180 --> 01:23:48,410
No, I have routines.

1834
01:23:48,500 --> 01:23:49,569
Big difference.

1835
01:23:49,980 --> 01:23:51,971
- No.
- Superstitions are

1836
01:23:52,060 --> 01:23:53,891
a holdover from primitive humans

1837
01:23:54,020 --> 01:23:56,409
finding simple reasons
for things they don't understand.

1838
01:23:56,500 --> 01:23:58,456
- Oh, yeah.
- Verifiably a complete waste

1839
01:23:58,540 --> 01:24:00,656
of mental capacity in this day and age.

1840
01:24:00,740 --> 01:24:02,571
I'm just saying, in a deterministic event,

1841
01:24:02,660 --> 01:24:03,979
such as hitting a baseball,

1842
01:24:04,060 --> 01:24:07,609
there actually is a strict
relation between cause and effect.

1843
01:24:07,700 --> 01:24:10,373
Now, superstition, it's bringing a...

1844
01:24:10,460 --> 01:24:12,371
A probabilistic framework
and projecting meaning

1845
01:24:12,500 --> 01:24:14,092
onto a completely random sequence.

1846
01:24:14,180 --> 01:24:15,295
Hmm.

1847
01:24:17,020 --> 01:24:19,215
- PLAYER: Yeah!
- (PLAYERS APPLAUDING)

1848
01:24:19,300 --> 01:24:20,938
FINN: See, we can deduce from that,

1849
01:24:21,020 --> 01:24:23,215
that the lucky helmet
was probably not the factor

1850
01:24:23,300 --> 01:24:25,052
in Coma's ability to get a hit

1851
01:24:25,140 --> 01:24:27,370
because he was just able
to do so without it.

1852
01:24:27,460 --> 01:24:29,769
The question now will be
if this new, random helmet

1853
01:24:29,900 --> 01:24:31,180
now becomes Coma's lucky helmet.

1854
01:24:31,540 --> 01:24:32,973
- Exactly.
- DALE: Whoo! Whoo!

1855
01:24:33,060 --> 01:24:34,060
What's happening, boys?

1856
01:24:34,100 --> 01:24:35,328
Attaboy, Dale.

1857
01:24:37,220 --> 01:24:39,575
Yes! Yes! Yes!

1858
01:24:39,740 --> 01:24:42,459
Hey, Coma, Pete Ward
just saw your first hit, man.

1859
01:24:42,580 --> 01:24:45,253
- Pete Ward's here? Yeah, baby.
- ROPER: Oh, yeah.

1860
01:24:45,380 --> 01:24:46,733
Who's Pete Ward?

1861
01:24:46,860 --> 01:24:48,657
Legendary super scout for the Reds.

1862
01:24:48,740 --> 01:24:49,809
Master of disguise.

1863
01:24:49,900 --> 01:24:51,876
Yeah, yeah, he never wants
people to know he's watching,

1864
01:24:51,900 --> 01:24:53,970
so he'll disguise himself somehow.

1865
01:24:54,060 --> 01:24:55,209
Anybody spotted him?

1866
01:24:55,340 --> 01:24:56,568
Ah, give me a second.

1867
01:24:56,660 --> 01:24:58,491
ROPER: Anybody? Come on. Finn?

1868
01:24:58,580 --> 01:25:00,236
- Finn, don't disappoint me.
- Give me a second.

1869
01:25:00,260 --> 01:25:02,899
Come on, it's right
in front of you, brother.

1870
01:25:03,100 --> 01:25:04,249
(SCOFFS)

1871
01:25:04,420 --> 01:25:05,900
Out there past the right field fence,

1872
01:25:06,540 --> 01:25:09,100
painting the trim on the house.

1873
01:25:09,180 --> 01:25:10,579
- Whoo! Good spot, bro!
- Wow.

1874
01:25:10,660 --> 01:25:13,493
Thank you. Thank you.
Give me my adoration.

1875
01:25:13,580 --> 01:25:14,820
FINN: How's that for incentive?

1876
01:25:14,900 --> 01:25:17,289
First scrimmage game,
not even an official practice,

1877
01:25:17,380 --> 01:25:20,053
we already got
the scouts here checking us out.

1878
01:25:20,940 --> 01:25:22,259
Welcome to the big time, boys.

1879
01:25:22,780 --> 01:25:24,099
PLUM: Fucking A, man.

1880
01:25:24,180 --> 01:25:26,216
That's what I'm talking about.

1881
01:25:29,820 --> 01:25:31,617
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

1882
01:25:33,780 --> 01:25:35,532
All right, boys, let's go!

1883
01:25:35,620 --> 01:25:37,099
- Hey, Bradford.
- Yeah.

1884
01:25:37,260 --> 01:25:38,693
- You warm?
- Yeah.

1885
01:25:38,780 --> 01:25:40,657
You're on the hill. Plum, you're catching.

1886
01:25:41,580 --> 01:25:43,935
- All right, go get 'em, Jake.
- Let's go, fellas.

1887
01:25:44,620 --> 01:25:47,134
You got it. Attaboy.

1888
01:25:55,460 --> 01:25:56,859
(EXHALES)

1889
01:26:03,300 --> 01:26:04,972
McReynolds.

1890
01:26:08,260 --> 01:26:09,613
Uh...

1891
01:26:13,660 --> 01:26:15,139
Good hit.

1892
01:26:16,980 --> 01:26:18,459
We're cool.

1893
01:26:33,820 --> 01:26:35,936
- Strike!
- BRUM: Come on, Plum.

1894
01:26:36,020 --> 01:26:37,089
Man, that's strike three.

1895
01:26:37,180 --> 01:26:38,540
Come on, Plum, we're friends, man.

1896
01:26:38,580 --> 01:26:39,636
That's strike three. Dude, just sit down.

1897
01:26:39,660 --> 01:26:40,716
Friends don't strike out friends,

1898
01:26:40,740 --> 01:26:41,836
especially when we're freshman friends.

1899
01:26:41,860 --> 01:26:43,054
Fucking swing the bat, man.

1900
01:26:43,140 --> 01:26:45,779
You're making us look bad.
Just sit down.

1901
01:26:48,700 --> 01:26:51,168
You wanna rub
your strikeout on me, man? Jesus.

1902
01:26:52,180 --> 01:26:53,898
PLUM: What's up, Mac?

1903
01:26:54,420 --> 01:26:56,536
Don't talk to me when I'm hitting.

1904
01:26:56,940 --> 01:26:58,339
Yes, sir. (EXHALES)

1905
01:26:59,460 --> 01:27:01,815
All right, freshman ping-pong champ.

1906
01:27:03,020 --> 01:27:04,214
Let's see what you got, kid.

1907
01:27:05,500 --> 01:27:07,218
PLUM: Here we go, Jake.

1908
01:27:09,300 --> 01:27:11,052
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

1909
01:27:14,700 --> 01:27:16,975
Strike. 0-1?

1910
01:27:17,060 --> 01:27:18,129
Make it 0-2.

1911
01:27:18,220 --> 01:27:19,619
0-2?

1912
01:27:19,700 --> 01:27:21,531
- Yeah.
- 0-2!

1913
01:27:26,300 --> 01:27:27,619
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

1914
01:27:33,180 --> 01:27:36,217
Two, two, two, two! Ball's in the gap!

1915
01:27:37,500 --> 01:27:38,556
PLAYER 1: Get two, McReynolds,
get two.

1916
01:27:38,580 --> 01:27:39,580
PLAYER 2: There we go.

1917
01:27:41,500 --> 01:27:43,297
ROPER: Attaboy, Mac!

1918
01:27:43,980 --> 01:27:45,652
That's what I'm talking about.

1919
01:27:45,740 --> 01:27:47,890
DALE: Sweet double, McReynolds!

1920
01:27:47,980 --> 01:27:49,732
- PLAYER: Good hit, Mac!
- Hey, nice hit.

1921
01:27:49,860 --> 01:27:52,420
Welcome to college ball, freshman.

1922
01:27:55,860 --> 01:27:57,940
All right, boys.
All right, bring it up, bring it up!

1923
01:27:58,020 --> 01:28:00,011
If I look good, I fucking play good.

1924
01:28:00,100 --> 01:28:01,818
All right, listen up, good first practice.

1925
01:28:01,900 --> 01:28:03,356
All right? This is where it all starts.

1926
01:28:03,380 --> 01:28:04,836
We're out here,
ahead of all the other teams

1927
01:28:04,860 --> 01:28:06,356
in the country,
and we're gonna keep it that way

1928
01:28:06,380 --> 01:28:07,580
and work hard all year, right?

1929
01:28:07,740 --> 01:28:09,412
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Yeah!

1930
01:28:09,540 --> 01:28:12,532
- All right then, boys, y'all be good.
- Uh-uh-uh!

1931
01:28:12,620 --> 01:28:14,099
Not so fast.

1932
01:28:15,620 --> 01:28:18,134
We have a little tradition out
here welcoming in the new guys.

1933
01:28:19,020 --> 01:28:20,772
It's called a little bit of freshmen...

1934
01:28:20,900 --> 01:28:22,697
ALL: Batting practice!

1935
01:28:22,780 --> 01:28:23,974
(VETERAN PLAYERS WHOOPING)

1936
01:28:29,780 --> 01:28:31,099
Whoo!

1937
01:28:35,460 --> 01:28:36,779
(ALL CHEERING)

1938
01:28:41,980 --> 01:28:43,129
Oh, gosh!

1939
01:28:44,380 --> 01:28:45,415
Fuck!

1940
01:28:47,980 --> 01:28:49,129
Oh, my nuts!

1941
01:28:49,220 --> 01:28:50,289
Let's go, boys! Come on!

1942
01:28:50,420 --> 01:28:51,420
Oh, fuck!

1943
01:28:54,740 --> 01:28:55,889
(ALL CHEERING)

1944
01:29:03,980 --> 01:29:06,733
ALL: (CHANTING)
Dale! Dale! Dale! Dale!

1945
01:29:14,860 --> 01:29:16,054
PLUM: That was not good.

1946
01:29:16,140 --> 01:29:17,858
Say cheese, baby!

1947
01:29:17,980 --> 01:29:18,980
Whoo!

1948
01:29:19,820 --> 01:29:21,651
Say cheese!

1949
01:29:23,300 --> 01:29:24,528
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)

1950
01:29:28,460 --> 01:29:30,291
That's how we do it.

1951
01:29:31,780 --> 01:29:33,338
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

1952
01:29:34,380 --> 01:29:35,495
(CHEERING)

1953
01:29:42,980 --> 01:29:43,980
FINN: Whatever, girls.

1954
01:29:44,340 --> 01:29:45,580
BEUTER: Did you get hit, Jacob?

1955
01:29:45,620 --> 01:29:46,796
JAKE: Yeah, man.
They got me on the wrist,

1956
01:29:46,820 --> 01:29:48,156
and they almost knocked me in the nuts.

1957
01:29:48,180 --> 01:29:50,100
Shoot, man.
They got me on the shoulder with one,

1958
01:29:50,220 --> 01:29:51,733
but, hey, they said a few years back,

1959
01:29:51,820 --> 01:29:52,876
one ol' boy got hit in the head

1960
01:29:52,900 --> 01:29:55,289
and nearly knocked
his eyeball out of its socket.

1961
01:29:55,740 --> 01:29:58,129
- Is that enough for you? Okay.
- Yes. Yes.

1962
01:29:58,220 --> 01:29:59,858
Gotta get some meat
on that boy's bones.

1963
01:29:59,980 --> 01:30:01,333
Hey.

1964
01:30:01,420 --> 01:30:03,934
What are you doing here?
I thought you'd graduated.

1965
01:30:04,340 --> 01:30:06,729
Look, maybe it just feels
like I've been here too long.

1966
01:30:06,860 --> 01:30:08,373
- You have.
- (CHUCKLES)

1967
01:30:08,700 --> 01:30:09,894
Hey, Jacob.

1968
01:30:09,980 --> 01:30:11,049
JAKE: What?

1969
01:30:12,020 --> 01:30:15,808
Unreal, doggie, we made it!

1970
01:30:17,060 --> 01:30:18,971
This isn't what I was expecting at all.

1971
01:30:19,060 --> 01:30:20,732
Well, what were you expecting, Beuter?

1972
01:30:21,460 --> 01:30:23,974
Shoot, man, it's just,
you know, I tell you,

1973
01:30:24,060 --> 01:30:25,573
it's kind of confusing.

1974
01:30:25,700 --> 01:30:26,956
Well, what's confusing, Perkins?

1975
01:30:26,980 --> 01:30:28,732
Well, besides your ever-changing name.

1976
01:30:28,860 --> 01:30:30,691
Good grief, guys, come on now.

1977
01:30:31,300 --> 01:30:35,816
All right, look, y'all, so a buddy of mine
told me that last year,

1978
01:30:35,900 --> 01:30:38,175
one of his professors
in them scientific classes

1979
01:30:38,260 --> 01:30:40,569
told him that there's no historical proof

1980
01:30:40,660 --> 01:30:41,809
Jesus Christ ever existed.

1981
01:30:41,900 --> 01:30:44,733
Who gives a turd
what some egghead professor says?

1982
01:30:44,900 --> 01:30:46,492
Seems like there's a lot of stuff

1983
01:30:46,580 --> 01:30:48,138
going on around here, you know?

1984
01:30:48,220 --> 01:30:50,495
Just lots of different types of stuff

1985
01:30:50,580 --> 01:30:53,299
and temptations, and things like that.

1986
01:30:53,380 --> 01:30:54,779
- Beuter.
- Yes, sir.

1987
01:30:54,860 --> 01:30:56,540
Are you prepared to
fold like a lawn chair?

1988
01:30:57,500 --> 01:30:58,933
Private Beuter, are you prepared

1989
01:30:59,060 --> 01:31:00,100
to fold like a lawn chair?

1990
01:31:00,180 --> 01:31:01,180
Sir, no, sir.

1991
01:31:01,260 --> 01:31:02,613
Good! Then don't.

1992
01:31:02,700 --> 01:31:04,338
I'll give you freshmen a little advice

1993
01:31:04,460 --> 01:31:06,416
on how to get your shit together, okay?

1994
01:31:06,500 --> 01:31:08,138
You're at a new level here.

1995
01:31:08,220 --> 01:31:10,609
You're pissing in the tall grass
with the big dick dogs now.

1996
01:31:10,700 --> 01:31:13,089
Hell, you got 21,
22-year-old guys over there

1997
01:31:13,220 --> 01:31:15,973
who, at this stage, see you as someone
trying to take their position.

1998
01:31:16,060 --> 01:31:17,937
But what you limp cocks
don't seem to realize

1999
01:31:18,020 --> 01:31:20,614
is that you have
not earned teammate status yet.

2000
01:31:21,220 --> 01:31:23,450
And until you do, you're nobody.

2001
01:31:23,540 --> 01:31:25,690
And not only do those guys
not give a fuck about you,

2002
01:31:25,780 --> 01:31:28,374
they would love to watch
every single one of you fail.

2003
01:31:29,900 --> 01:31:32,175
I already told you, Jake,
this ain't high school, man.

2004
01:31:32,260 --> 01:31:33,876
You guys
aren't the All-Stars you thought you were

2005
01:31:33,900 --> 01:31:35,936
back from wherever the hell
it is you came from.

2006
01:31:36,020 --> 01:31:38,454
Here, you're on your own.

2007
01:31:39,460 --> 01:31:40,609
And it's competitive, man.

2008
01:31:40,700 --> 01:31:42,258
So, shit, if you wanna succeed,

2009
01:31:42,340 --> 01:31:44,217
really succeed, the only choice you have

2010
01:31:44,300 --> 01:31:46,814
is to mentally toughen the fuck up.

2011
01:31:47,700 --> 01:31:49,656
- Yes, sir.
- Temptation, my asshole.

2012
01:31:50,500 --> 01:31:52,058
Temptation his asshole?

2013
01:31:52,140 --> 01:31:53,858
Dude, did you guys hear?

2014
01:31:53,940 --> 01:31:54,975
BOTH: What?

2015
01:31:55,100 --> 01:31:56,658
Willoughby's gone!

2016
01:31:57,940 --> 01:31:59,419
- ROPER: What?
- (LAUGHS) Busted!

2017
01:31:59,500 --> 01:32:00,569
What, weed?

2018
01:32:00,660 --> 01:32:01,660
PLUM: Nah, dude.

2019
01:32:01,740 --> 01:32:05,574
He's 30! Like, he's 30 fucking years old!

2020
01:32:05,660 --> 01:32:07,651
- Thirty!
- Like a three and a zero.

2021
01:32:07,780 --> 01:32:09,372
- Oh, no fucking way.
- No, sir.

2022
01:32:09,460 --> 01:32:11,576
NEZ: Yes, sir!
No, no, no! Get this, get this.

2023
01:32:11,660 --> 01:32:15,096
Willoughby isn't even his real name.

2024
01:32:15,180 --> 01:32:17,216
Dude, it's like a secret identity!

2025
01:32:17,300 --> 01:32:19,450
NEZ: Yeah, no,
the registrar's office discovered it.

2026
01:32:19,540 --> 01:32:21,258
They were looking up
on some transfer hours

2027
01:32:21,340 --> 01:32:22,614
that looked fishy.

2028
01:32:22,700 --> 01:32:24,076
They'd been investigating it for a while,

2029
01:32:24,100 --> 01:32:25,396
and told the coach this afternoon.

2030
01:32:25,420 --> 01:32:26,660
That's what that was all about.

2031
01:32:26,700 --> 01:32:27,700
- No way.
- Dude, what?

2032
01:32:27,820 --> 01:32:30,175
Yeah. No, not only that,

2033
01:32:30,260 --> 01:32:32,728
but they think
he's been doing this to other colleges.

2034
01:32:32,860 --> 01:32:36,250
- Transferring, playing ball.
- Is he still here?

2035
01:32:36,340 --> 01:32:39,218
Nah, man. We just went by the house.

2036
01:32:39,380 --> 01:32:40,529
Van's gone, he's gone.

2037
01:32:40,620 --> 01:32:42,656
All his shit's gone, man.

2038
01:32:43,100 --> 01:32:44,931
He just left one thing, man.

2039
01:32:45,060 --> 01:32:48,609
In the middle of our room,
he left a Pink Floyd album

2040
01:32:48,700 --> 01:32:51,168
and a big-ass joint on top.

2041
01:32:51,260 --> 01:32:52,534
We smoked it!

2042
01:32:52,620 --> 01:32:53,735
(ALL LAUGH)

2043
01:32:54,220 --> 01:32:55,276
You know, he's probably just a guy

2044
01:32:55,300 --> 01:32:56,756
that wasn't quite good enough
to play pro ball,

2045
01:32:56,780 --> 01:32:59,340
but he loved baseball
and he just wanted to keep playing.

2046
01:32:59,420 --> 01:33:00,540
And living the college life.

2047
01:33:00,580 --> 01:33:01,649
Maybe that, too.

2048
01:33:01,740 --> 01:33:04,174
He's not a bad guy. He just got caught.

2049
01:33:04,260 --> 01:33:05,329
I liked him.

2050
01:33:05,420 --> 01:33:06,660
- Good pitcher, too.
- Oh, yeah.

2051
01:33:09,220 --> 01:33:10,255
Brum!

2052
01:33:11,260 --> 01:33:12,260
How's this?

2053
01:33:12,380 --> 01:33:13,813
Let's see. Oh, shit.

2054
01:33:13,900 --> 01:33:15,780
It's one card away
from a Saskatchewan straight.

2055
01:33:15,900 --> 01:33:17,652
- You know what that is?
- What?

2056
01:33:17,740 --> 01:33:19,219
You might as well show 'em.

2057
01:33:19,300 --> 01:33:20,733
- How bad is it?
- It's bad.

2058
01:33:20,820 --> 01:33:22,048
ALL: Oh!

2059
01:33:22,180 --> 01:33:23,180
What is it?

2060
01:33:23,260 --> 01:33:24,739
It's called a Manitoba Moose.

2061
01:33:24,860 --> 01:33:26,771
- You're fucked, Brum.
- What?

2062
01:33:26,900 --> 01:33:28,219
Well, the rules state that,

2063
01:33:28,300 --> 01:33:29,716
if you ever wanna play this game again...

2064
01:33:29,740 --> 01:33:31,970
If you wanna stay on this team, bro.

2065
01:33:32,100 --> 01:33:33,658
I do.

2066
01:33:33,740 --> 01:33:35,571
You have to fly to Winnipeg,

2067
01:33:35,700 --> 01:33:37,236
you have to drive
to Caribou River Park Reserve

2068
01:33:37,260 --> 01:33:38,295
in Manitoba,

2069
01:33:38,380 --> 01:33:39,813
you have to walk out on the tundra,

2070
01:33:39,900 --> 01:33:41,538
you have to find a moose,

2071
01:33:42,540 --> 01:33:45,100
carefully get under said moose...

2072
01:33:47,060 --> 01:33:48,175
You gotta suck its dick.

2073
01:33:48,260 --> 01:33:49,739
(SCOFFS)

2074
01:33:50,740 --> 01:33:51,968
Really?

2075
01:33:52,060 --> 01:33:53,209
MAC: (LAUGHS) Yeah.

2076
01:33:53,940 --> 01:33:55,976
- Happened once before.
- Wait, really?

2077
01:33:56,100 --> 01:33:57,169
He was a good guy.

2078
01:33:57,300 --> 01:33:58,335
He was a great guy.

2079
01:33:58,420 --> 01:33:59,648
Anyway, you guys all pass?

2080
01:33:59,740 --> 01:34:00,934
Yeah, that's it, man.

2081
01:34:01,060 --> 01:34:04,211
Oh, take off, you hosers!
It's a Winnipeg Flip!

2082
01:34:04,300 --> 01:34:08,054
(SINGING) O Canada!

2083
01:34:08,140 --> 01:34:11,815
Our home and native land!

2084
01:34:11,980 --> 01:34:14,540
True patriot love...

2085
01:34:14,620 --> 01:34:16,497
What the fuck game are they playing?

2086
01:34:16,620 --> 01:34:17,956
JAKE: I mean, they say
it's called "O Canada,"

2087
01:34:17,980 --> 01:34:19,116
but I'm pretty sure
they're just making it up

2088
01:34:19,140 --> 01:34:20,732
as they go along, you know?

2089
01:34:20,820 --> 01:34:24,859
Like most things
with these guys, it's total bullshit.

2090
01:34:24,940 --> 01:34:27,249
But why, you know?

2091
01:34:27,340 --> 01:34:29,331
It's more about seeing
how witty they can be.

2092
01:34:29,420 --> 01:34:30,700
Like that whole Pete Ward thing.

2093
01:34:30,780 --> 01:34:32,930
What do you mean,
"the Pete Ward thing"?

2094
01:34:33,020 --> 01:34:35,056
- Pete Ward.
- What about him?

2095
01:34:35,140 --> 01:34:37,700
The super scout for the Reds?
Master of disguise?

2096
01:34:37,820 --> 01:34:39,936
- They made all that up, too.
- PLUM: Yeah?

2097
01:34:40,020 --> 01:34:41,636
Are you trying to... Pete Ward ain't real?

2098
01:34:41,660 --> 01:34:42,695
Oh, come on.

2099
01:34:42,820 --> 01:34:44,697
Hey, guys, guys,
Plum and bitch boy think

2100
01:34:44,820 --> 01:34:46,651
Pete Ward's real. (LAUGHS)

2101
01:34:49,100 --> 01:34:50,169
What are you implying?

2102
01:34:50,260 --> 01:34:51,260
Yeah, Jake.

2103
01:34:51,340 --> 01:34:52,853
Who are you to say he isn't real?

2104
01:34:53,020 --> 01:34:54,578
Yeah, "bitch boy."

2105
01:34:54,660 --> 01:34:55,888
Okay, he's real.

2106
01:34:56,020 --> 01:34:57,916
Hey, Jake, you're still not
saying where that party is.

2107
01:34:57,940 --> 01:34:59,055
ROPER: What party?

2108
01:34:59,140 --> 01:35:00,698
Jake's got a big party tonight.

2109
01:35:00,820 --> 01:35:02,956
Supposed to meet up
with this hot dancer-actress chick,

2110
01:35:02,980 --> 01:35:04,316
but he doesn't want us to be there.

2111
01:35:04,340 --> 01:35:06,516
Hey, hold on, hey, I'm not saying
you guys can't come, all right?

2112
01:35:06,540 --> 01:35:08,417
Did I say that? No.

2113
01:35:08,500 --> 01:35:10,616
I just implied you guys
might be bored, that's all.

2114
01:35:10,700 --> 01:35:12,850
Dancer chicks have great asses.

2115
01:35:12,940 --> 01:35:14,116
Now, that's a fact, I know that.

2116
01:35:14,140 --> 01:35:16,495
Let me get this straight. A freshman

2117
01:35:16,580 --> 01:35:20,129
is trying to stop us
from, from going to a party, is that...

2118
01:35:20,220 --> 01:35:22,116
It's not even that we're
not invited to this party,

2119
01:35:22,140 --> 01:35:24,017
- he just doesn't want us to go.
- Mmm...

2120
01:35:24,100 --> 01:35:26,694
Did I ever say that? No, okay?

2121
01:35:26,780 --> 01:35:28,736
I was just implying that
this party might not be

2122
01:35:28,820 --> 01:35:31,334
your guys' cup of tea,
but, I mean, fuck it,

2123
01:35:31,420 --> 01:35:32,940
you guys can come with me if you want.

2124
01:35:33,300 --> 01:35:35,450
(ALL REFUSING)

2125
01:35:36,380 --> 01:35:38,974
I don't wanna embarrass you
in front of all your new

2126
01:35:39,060 --> 01:35:40,652
artsy-fartsy theater major friends.

2127
01:35:40,740 --> 01:35:41,809
We're gonna stay here,

2128
01:35:41,900 --> 01:35:42,956
we're gonna play cards, you have fun.

2129
01:35:42,980 --> 01:35:47,371
Give me a fucking break.
Finn. Finn. Finn.

2130
01:35:47,500 --> 01:35:49,036
- Hey, come on, look at me.
- Don't do it.

2131
01:35:49,060 --> 01:35:50,756
- Hey, look at me. Look at me.
- Don't look.

2132
01:35:50,780 --> 01:35:52,133
Stay strong.

2133
01:35:52,220 --> 01:35:54,256
All right, I beg you. No, I implore you

2134
01:35:54,700 --> 01:35:56,816
- to come to this party.
- (SIGHS)

2135
01:35:56,900 --> 01:35:58,516
All right, I realize that
I wouldn't know how to make it

2136
01:35:58,540 --> 01:36:01,657
through this world without
all of your unsolicited wisdom.

2137
01:36:01,740 --> 01:36:05,574
And all you guys' constant fuckwithery.

2138
01:36:06,940 --> 01:36:08,373
What do you say?

2139
01:36:08,460 --> 01:36:09,779
You don't really mean that.

2140
01:36:10,700 --> 01:36:12,418
I wouldn't say it if I didn't.

2141
01:36:14,260 --> 01:36:15,488
Can you give us a moment?

2142
01:36:15,580 --> 01:36:16,808
Of course I can.

2143
01:36:20,060 --> 01:36:21,971
- (WHISPERING) Your call.
- I wanna go.

2144
01:36:23,580 --> 01:36:25,571
- Theater party.
- Theater party.

2145
01:36:25,660 --> 01:36:27,571
ALL: Theater party!

2146
01:36:28,500 --> 01:36:30,411
Guys, were we supposed
to wear a costume?

2147
01:36:30,500 --> 01:36:32,934
ROPER: You are in costume,
of a dipshit.

2148
01:36:33,100 --> 01:36:35,773
(GASPS) Oh, shit,
it's the Led Zeppelin dude.

2149
01:36:35,860 --> 01:36:37,088
Yo, what's happening, man?

2150
01:36:37,180 --> 01:36:39,136
FINN: It's creepy!
ROPER: Tell me about it.

2151
01:36:39,540 --> 01:36:41,451
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

2152
01:36:41,940 --> 01:36:43,453
Holy shit.

2153
01:36:44,180 --> 01:36:46,410
The inside is even weirder.

2154
01:36:46,500 --> 01:36:47,916
- This ain't no frat party.
- (WHISTLES)

2155
01:36:47,940 --> 01:36:49,692
Here's what we're gonna do.

2156
01:36:50,500 --> 01:36:52,456
Feel the freak!

2157
01:36:52,980 --> 01:36:54,493
(WOMAN LAUGHING)

2158
01:36:55,860 --> 01:36:58,090
Dude, how great is this?

2159
01:36:58,460 --> 01:36:59,654
Cha-chao!

2160
01:37:01,620 --> 01:37:04,418
Hey, girls, how you doing? I'm Roper.

2161
01:37:04,500 --> 01:37:06,855
Hey, Brum, go get some drinks, man.

2162
01:37:09,220 --> 01:37:10,573
(PLUM WHISTLES)

2163
01:37:12,420 --> 01:37:13,420
(MEOWS)

2164
01:37:13,500 --> 01:37:14,933
PLUM: Fuck!

2165
01:37:15,020 --> 01:37:16,931
- Did you see that?
- JAKE: What?

2166
01:37:17,020 --> 01:37:18,055
PLUM: A fucking cat.

2167
01:37:18,140 --> 01:37:20,051
Cats shouldn't be in fridges.

2168
01:37:20,780 --> 01:37:22,691
(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

2169
01:37:24,180 --> 01:37:25,977
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

2170
01:37:31,380 --> 01:37:34,929
Best costume ever. Amazing.

2171
01:37:35,060 --> 01:37:37,620
- Jake! Hey! Hi!
- Hey! Hey!

2172
01:37:37,980 --> 01:37:40,494
- You're blonde!
- I know. (GIGGLES)

2173
01:37:40,580 --> 01:37:42,650
I'm really glad you came.

2174
01:37:42,740 --> 01:37:45,971
Except for, I think... This one.

2175
01:37:46,060 --> 01:37:47,100
Yeah, you need this. Yeah.

2176
01:37:47,180 --> 01:37:48,329
JAKE: Yeah?

2177
01:37:50,700 --> 01:37:52,930
Hi. I'm Debra Kadabra.

2178
01:37:53,020 --> 01:37:54,236
What are you gonna do with that?

2179
01:37:54,260 --> 01:37:55,329
(GASPS)

2180
01:37:55,420 --> 01:37:58,856
And now, I can officially
welcome you to Oz.

2181
01:37:58,940 --> 01:38:00,612
Hi, guys. I'm Beverly.

2182
01:38:00,700 --> 01:38:01,916
- BRUM: Hi, Beverly.
- Good to see you.

2183
01:38:01,940 --> 01:38:03,931
Three words,

2184
01:38:04,020 --> 01:38:06,978
thoroughly equipped dungeon.

2185
01:38:09,580 --> 01:38:10,854
- (WHIPS)
- (GRUNTS)

2186
01:38:11,820 --> 01:38:13,596
Can I borrow you
for something really quickly?

2187
01:38:13,620 --> 01:38:15,736
'Cause someone dropped out,
and it's really easy,

2188
01:38:15,820 --> 01:38:17,651
and it's gonna be really fun.

2189
01:38:17,740 --> 01:38:19,139
- Yeah. Sure.
- Okay.

2190
01:38:19,220 --> 01:38:22,292
Well, I gotta go inside
for a second, but I'll see you soon.

2191
01:38:22,380 --> 01:38:23,495
- Cool.
- Okay.

2192
01:38:23,780 --> 01:38:25,099
- (WHIPS)
- DEBRA: Ooh!

2193
01:38:25,380 --> 01:38:26,380
(GROWLS)

2194
01:38:48,780 --> 01:38:49,895
He's being modest.

2195
01:38:49,980 --> 01:38:51,698
Not only is he
a pre-season All-American,

2196
01:38:51,780 --> 01:38:54,294
you're gonna be seeing
this guy on TV someday.

2197
01:38:54,380 --> 01:38:56,052
Now, this guy,

2198
01:38:56,180 --> 01:38:58,694
this guy's the best
third baseman in the state!

2199
01:38:58,780 --> 01:39:00,771
Like a fucking
vacuum cleaner down there, man.

2200
01:39:00,860 --> 01:39:02,516
Fuck that.
We're taking that shit this year.

2201
01:39:02,540 --> 01:39:03,540
It's this year.

2202
01:39:03,580 --> 01:39:04,636
Hey, that's what I'm talking about, man.

2203
01:39:04,660 --> 01:39:06,276
Fuck losing the playoffs.
We're taking it all this year.

2204
01:39:06,300 --> 01:39:08,097
GIRL: You're into astrology?
FINN: Of course.

2205
01:39:08,180 --> 01:39:09,396
GIRL: So, you've had your chart done?

2206
01:39:09,420 --> 01:39:11,570
Oh, yeah. It's fascinating.

2207
01:39:11,660 --> 01:39:13,491
- I'm a Leo.
- Uh-oh.

2208
01:39:13,580 --> 01:39:15,889
Yeah, I know, I know.
A little full of myself.

2209
01:39:15,980 --> 01:39:16,980
Hmm.

2210
01:39:17,060 --> 01:39:19,176
- But I'm very loyal...
- Mmm-hmm.

2211
01:39:19,260 --> 01:39:20,295
Confident...

2212
01:39:20,380 --> 01:39:21,779
Right.

2213
01:39:22,380 --> 01:39:26,259
The chart says I'm overly confident,
but the truth is (INHALES)

2214
01:39:27,300 --> 01:39:29,256
- I wound easily.
- (SNICKERING)

2215
01:39:30,140 --> 01:39:32,256
It also says I'd make
a great father someday,

2216
01:39:32,340 --> 01:39:34,137
but I don't know.

2217
01:39:34,940 --> 01:39:38,137
(LAUGHING) You gotta
be shittin' me, man!

2218
01:39:38,220 --> 01:39:40,688
You wound easily, poor Finnegan.

2219
01:39:40,780 --> 01:39:43,977
Astrology? Mr. Cause-and-
Effect Rationalist? (LAUGHS)

2220
01:39:44,420 --> 01:39:46,172
Who are these guys?

2221
01:39:46,660 --> 01:39:49,413
Oh, excuse us. Uh, I'm a Scorpio.

2222
01:39:50,020 --> 01:39:52,170
- I'm Jake.
- Don't do it.

2223
01:39:55,420 --> 01:39:57,138
Has he told you about his average cock?

2224
01:39:57,460 --> 01:39:58,654
(JAKE LAUGHING)

2225
01:39:58,740 --> 01:40:01,618
Has he told... Finn!
Did you tell her, Finn?

2226
01:40:02,820 --> 01:40:04,048
Did you tell her?

2227
01:40:04,140 --> 01:40:05,996
(MIMICS GIRL) "Hey, so have you had
your chart done?"

2228
01:40:06,020 --> 01:40:08,534
"Oh, yeah, I'm a Leo.
You know, very confident..."

2229
01:40:08,620 --> 01:40:11,196
You know what, if I had a prohibition
against sleeping with all women

2230
01:40:11,220 --> 01:40:12,260
who believed in astrology,

2231
01:40:12,340 --> 01:40:13,396
I'd still be a virgin, all right?

2232
01:40:13,420 --> 01:40:14,836
- I'm being practical.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

2233
01:40:14,860 --> 01:40:17,499
I'd rather die a virgin
than say my chart says

2234
01:40:17,580 --> 01:40:19,775
I'll make a good father someday.

2235
01:40:19,860 --> 01:40:21,796
Just because you guys
are laying bricks with the ladies,

2236
01:40:21,820 --> 01:40:22,935
you know, I stepped up.

2237
01:40:23,060 --> 01:40:25,236
I was talking her language,
I was meeting her on her level.

2238
01:40:25,260 --> 01:40:26,836
Instead of making fun of me,
you should be taking notes.

2239
01:40:26,860 --> 01:40:27,929
- Hmm.
- Yeah?

2240
01:40:28,020 --> 01:40:29,036
And by the way,
she was really fucking cute.

2241
01:40:29,060 --> 01:40:30,180
She was really fucking cute,

2242
01:40:30,260 --> 01:40:32,380
and you immature jerkoffs
just fucked up my whole rap!

2243
01:40:32,460 --> 01:40:33,556
Coming around talking shit like that.

2244
01:40:33,580 --> 01:40:34,808
You know what, your little...

2245
01:40:34,900 --> 01:40:36,572
Fucking little jealous asshole crap

2246
01:40:36,700 --> 01:40:38,452
just pulling me back in the boiling pot!

2247
01:40:38,540 --> 01:40:40,258
Oh, Finn, come on!

2248
01:40:40,340 --> 01:40:41,380
By the way, you know what?

2249
01:40:41,460 --> 01:40:44,054
Have you noticed,
whenever we're around baseball,

2250
01:40:44,140 --> 01:40:45,812
all we talk about is pussy.

2251
01:40:45,900 --> 01:40:49,176
Now, we're actually around a few
potentially interesting young women,

2252
01:40:49,260 --> 01:40:51,615
all you talk about is baseball!

2253
01:40:51,700 --> 01:40:53,816
It's a little fucked up!

2254
01:40:54,700 --> 01:40:56,850
(MOCKING FINN)

2255
01:41:02,900 --> 01:41:05,095
BEVERLY: (IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Bachelor number three,

2256
01:41:05,220 --> 01:41:08,530
what would be your dream date
and your dream girl?

2257
01:41:09,180 --> 01:41:11,648
My dream girl and my dream date.

2258
01:41:11,740 --> 01:41:14,174
- BEVERLY: Yes.
- That's a very tough question.

2259
01:41:14,260 --> 01:41:17,297
Um, I suppose my dream girl
would come bearing tea

2260
01:41:17,380 --> 01:41:18,449
and special crumpets,

2261
01:41:18,540 --> 01:41:21,054
preferably in the bed, as well.

2262
01:41:21,140 --> 01:41:23,813
And we could get hopped up
on the tea and the crumpets.

2263
01:41:24,100 --> 01:41:25,852
- Is this the Mad Hatter?
- MAD HATTER: Yes.

2264
01:41:25,940 --> 01:41:27,532
Curious and curiouser.

2265
01:41:27,620 --> 01:41:29,611
Bachelor number one!

2266
01:41:29,700 --> 01:41:32,009
- Oh, yes!
- BEVERLY: Yes.

2267
01:41:32,100 --> 01:41:33,579
- Um, hello.
- QUEEN: Oh, hello.

2268
01:41:33,700 --> 01:41:35,292
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

2269
01:41:35,500 --> 01:41:38,890
Uh, give me your best pick-up line.

2270
01:41:39,060 --> 01:41:40,060
(LAUGHS)

2271
01:41:40,500 --> 01:41:43,572
Would you like to come see
my large collection of heads,

2272
01:41:43,660 --> 01:41:46,094
so that I can give you some?

2273
01:41:46,180 --> 01:41:47,215
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

2274
01:41:47,300 --> 01:41:49,450
(WHISPERING) Is the
Queen of Hearts a dude?

2275
01:41:50,020 --> 01:41:51,533
QUEEN: Ooh, a good one.

2276
01:41:52,300 --> 01:41:53,300
(LAUGHING)

2277
01:41:53,420 --> 01:41:55,456
Red Queen, very interesting.

2278
01:41:55,540 --> 01:41:57,132
Oh, that wasn't for you, sweetie.

2279
01:41:57,220 --> 01:41:58,448
BEVERLY: Bachelor number two!

2280
01:41:58,540 --> 01:42:01,577
What is the most trouble
you've ever gone to, to meet a girl?

2281
01:42:03,180 --> 01:42:06,331
Bachelor number two? Are you there?

2282
01:42:06,860 --> 01:42:08,578
I'm... I'm late!

2283
01:42:08,660 --> 01:42:11,333
I'm late for a very important date.

2284
01:42:11,540 --> 01:42:13,258
- BEVERLY: Ah!
- (PLAYERS CHEERING)

2285
01:42:13,660 --> 01:42:14,888
BEVERLY: Ah!

2286
01:42:14,980 --> 01:42:16,777
All right, Mr. Rabbit.

2287
01:42:16,860 --> 01:42:18,851
It must've been awfully important like...

2288
01:42:18,940 --> 01:42:20,373
Like a party or something.

2289
01:42:20,460 --> 01:42:21,529
Yeah, totally.

2290
01:42:21,620 --> 01:42:22,735
(LAUGHS)

2291
01:42:22,820 --> 01:42:24,014
All right then.

2292
01:42:24,140 --> 01:42:26,176
Bachelor number one.

2293
01:42:26,260 --> 01:42:28,300
You've just invited me over
for dinner, haven't you?

2294
01:42:30,700 --> 01:42:32,338
307, right?

2295
01:42:33,140 --> 01:42:35,131
- The feminist.
- Mmm.

2296
01:42:38,380 --> 01:42:39,938
What, no speech?

2297
01:42:40,980 --> 01:42:41,980
(CLICKS TONGUE) No.

2298
01:42:42,020 --> 01:42:44,739
I'm kind of the silent type, you know?

2299
01:42:46,460 --> 01:42:47,939
BEVERLY: What's one kiss from...

2300
01:42:48,020 --> 01:42:49,658
That is so sexy.

2301
01:42:50,340 --> 01:42:52,854
MAD HATTER: Priceless.
BEVERLY: Priceless, is it?

2302
01:42:56,180 --> 01:42:58,330
Okay, being completely honest...

2303
01:42:58,820 --> 01:42:59,855
Uh-oh.

2304
01:42:59,940 --> 01:43:02,196
When you said you liked
the quiet guy in the back seat best,

2305
01:43:02,220 --> 01:43:03,916
was it just a line
to piss off the other guys in the car,

2306
01:43:03,940 --> 01:43:04,940
or was it true?

2307
01:43:05,020 --> 01:43:07,580
- Why do you ask?
- I'm curious.

2308
01:43:07,660 --> 01:43:09,252
You're curious about what?

2309
01:43:09,700 --> 01:43:11,940
You know, we all make up this
romantic crap in our heads.

2310
01:43:12,020 --> 01:43:13,460
I'm just looking for some kind of...

2311
01:43:13,980 --> 01:43:15,618
I think it's a little bit of both.

2312
01:43:15,700 --> 01:43:16,700
What does that mean?

2313
01:43:17,700 --> 01:43:19,372
(SIGHS) Did I

2314
01:43:21,100 --> 01:43:24,695
think that the quiet guy
in the back seat was cute?

2315
01:43:24,780 --> 01:43:25,780
Yes.

2316
01:43:25,860 --> 01:43:26,975
Okay.

2317
01:43:27,060 --> 01:43:28,778
Would I have walked up to you

2318
01:43:28,860 --> 01:43:31,613
in a crowd, completely alone,
unprovoked, by the way,

2319
01:43:31,700 --> 01:43:34,009
and said that? No.

2320
01:43:34,100 --> 01:43:36,409
So, my obnoxious teammates
actually helped me on this one?

2321
01:43:36,900 --> 01:43:39,016
- I think they did.
- Shit!

2322
01:43:39,140 --> 01:43:40,596
They're good for something after all.

2323
01:43:40,620 --> 01:43:44,613
I was definitely messing with them,
but I meant what I said.

2324
01:43:44,700 --> 01:43:46,099
Don't make me say it again.

2325
01:43:46,220 --> 01:43:47,220
(LAUGHS)

2326
01:43:52,700 --> 01:43:54,580
BEVERLY: Is this your
first-choice school, or...

2327
01:43:54,660 --> 01:43:56,596
No, I applied to a few,
but this was the best school

2328
01:43:56,620 --> 01:43:58,292
that also offered me a scholarship.

2329
01:43:58,380 --> 01:44:01,133
You mean, you had to, like,
write a bunch of essays

2330
01:44:01,220 --> 01:44:02,778
and all that fun stuff?

2331
01:44:02,860 --> 01:44:05,010
- Just one.
- Oh. What'd you write about?

2332
01:44:05,100 --> 01:44:08,854
The topic was to take a Greek myth
and relate it to your own life.

2333
01:44:08,940 --> 01:44:11,613
So you wrote about Aphrodite
and being a baseball slut.

2334
01:44:11,700 --> 01:44:12,769
- Kind of.
- (CH UCKLES)

2335
01:44:12,860 --> 01:44:14,657
Shit. No. Uh...

2336
01:44:14,740 --> 01:44:16,036
I just took Sisyphus and baseball,

2337
01:44:16,060 --> 01:44:17,652
and just kinda... (CLICKS TONGUE)

2338
01:44:17,740 --> 01:44:19,076
You wrote about that for your essay...

2339
01:44:19,100 --> 01:44:21,694
How did you even, like...
(CLICKS TONGUE)

2340
01:44:21,780 --> 01:44:22,836
...those two things together?

2341
01:44:22,860 --> 01:44:24,452
Yeah, I did, believe it or not.

2342
01:44:24,540 --> 01:44:25,796
I mean, the point
of the whole thing is that

2343
01:44:25,820 --> 01:44:27,856
the gods intend for Sisyphus
to suffer, right?

2344
01:44:27,940 --> 01:44:29,339
Right.

2345
01:44:29,420 --> 01:44:32,059
Well, my point was that
they'd actually blessed him

2346
01:44:32,140 --> 01:44:34,256
with something to focus on, you know,

2347
01:44:34,340 --> 01:44:37,093
something that he could
potentially find meaning in.

2348
01:44:37,940 --> 01:44:39,556
You know, it's a gift to be
striving at all, you know,

2349
01:44:39,580 --> 01:44:41,252
even if it looks futile to others.

2350
01:44:41,340 --> 01:44:42,489
Yeah, that's true.

2351
01:44:42,580 --> 01:44:44,076
I mean, yeah,
it's ridiculous to roll a boulder

2352
01:44:44,100 --> 01:44:45,977
up a mountain over
and over and over again,

2353
01:44:46,060 --> 01:44:48,176
but so is everything else in life.

2354
01:44:48,260 --> 01:44:50,036
When you really think
about it, especially a game.

2355
01:44:50,060 --> 01:44:52,176
Things only mean as much
as the meaningfulness

2356
01:44:52,260 --> 01:44:54,854
that we allow them to have.

2357
01:44:54,940 --> 01:44:57,693
That's where I tie it in to baseball.

2358
01:44:57,780 --> 01:45:00,658
Just accepting whatever
comes my way, you know?

2359
01:45:00,740 --> 01:45:02,731
Good, bad, doesn't matter.

2360
01:45:04,100 --> 01:45:06,819
What matters is just getting
in that groove

2361
01:45:06,940 --> 01:45:09,613
where the whole world kinda goes away,

2362
01:45:09,700 --> 01:45:12,260
and I'm just doing what
I'm supposed to be doing.

2363
01:45:12,340 --> 01:45:14,900
I feel the same way about performing.

2364
01:45:15,020 --> 01:45:18,217
It's putting yourself
out there in art, in life,

2365
01:45:18,300 --> 01:45:20,256
just participating.

2366
01:45:20,340 --> 01:45:21,340
Yeah.

2367
01:45:21,420 --> 01:45:23,650
Having the guts to look fucking stupid.

2368
01:45:24,140 --> 01:45:25,493
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

2369
01:45:28,260 --> 01:45:31,218
It's kind of beautiful, isn't it?

2370
01:45:31,300 --> 01:45:32,369
What?

2371
01:45:33,220 --> 01:45:35,051
That we get to feel passion in this world,

2372
01:45:35,140 --> 01:45:36,573
you know, about anything.

2373
01:45:40,220 --> 01:45:41,938
And I like you.

2374
01:45:45,820 --> 01:45:47,651
I like you, too.

2375
01:45:47,740 --> 01:45:49,093
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

2376
01:45:49,300 --> 01:45:51,768
- (CHUCKLES)
- A little bit.

2377
01:46:14,140 --> 01:46:16,256
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

2378
01:46:37,700 --> 01:46:38,700
(ZIPPING UP)

2379
01:46:39,380 --> 01:46:40,380
(METAL CLANKING)

2380
01:46:47,740 --> 01:46:49,139
- Hey.
- Hey.

2381
01:46:50,100 --> 01:46:51,818
- You up?
- Yeah.

2382
01:46:51,900 --> 01:46:53,253
- I'm up.
- Yeah.

2383
01:46:55,900 --> 01:46:57,811
- My cupcake. Come on.
- (LAUGHS) I can't.

2384
01:46:57,900 --> 01:46:59,413
Come on.

2385
01:47:01,500 --> 01:47:02,979
What class do you have first up?

2386
01:47:03,060 --> 01:47:04,413
History. You?

2387
01:47:04,540 --> 01:47:06,178
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- English.

2388
01:47:07,500 --> 01:47:08,774
- I think I'm here.
- Here?

2389
01:47:08,900 --> 01:47:10,116
Yeah. Where's your English class?

2390
01:47:10,140 --> 01:47:11,812
It's over in Jones.

2391
01:47:14,060 --> 01:47:15,209
- All rightie.
- Okay.

2392
01:47:15,300 --> 01:47:16,892
So, I'll talk to you soon?

2393
01:47:16,980 --> 01:47:18,095
Yup.

2394
01:47:36,860 --> 01:47:38,771
Bye. Call me later?

2395
01:47:39,140 --> 01:47:40,414
I will.

2396
01:47:41,540 --> 01:47:42,814
- Bye.
- Bye.

2397
01:47:55,860 --> 01:47:56,860
Bye.

2398
01:48:01,260 --> 01:48:03,137
DALE AND FINN:
(CHANTING) Jake! Jake!

2399
01:48:03,220 --> 01:48:05,336
- Jake! Jake! Jake!
- Jake! Jake! Jake!

2400
01:48:06,140 --> 01:48:07,140
Ah...

2401
01:48:08,060 --> 01:48:10,494
Mi amigos de fuckwithery!

2402
01:48:10,580 --> 01:48:11,900
How can I amuse you this morning?

2403
01:48:11,980 --> 01:48:14,289
That was adorable. Just the whole like...

2404
01:48:14,380 --> 01:48:15,938
I think I got a tear in my eye, Jakie.

2405
01:48:16,020 --> 01:48:17,692
- FINN: Oh, my goodness.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

2406
01:48:18,180 --> 01:48:20,853
Ah, we noticed that you never
made it home last night.

2407
01:48:21,180 --> 01:48:22,180
Hmm?

2408
01:48:22,380 --> 01:48:25,372
- Are we to suppose...
- Oh, we're supposing.

2409
01:48:25,540 --> 01:48:27,849
Look, it's cool, guys.
All right. We had a nice time.

2410
01:48:27,940 --> 01:48:29,436
- Oh, "a nice time"?
- Oh, man, I know...

2411
01:48:29,460 --> 01:48:30,813
I like her.

2412
01:48:31,700 --> 01:48:33,372
- He likes her.
- He likes her.

2413
01:48:33,460 --> 01:48:35,416
You like her! Oh, God, Jake!

2414
01:48:35,500 --> 01:48:36,535
Oh...

2415
01:48:36,620 --> 01:48:39,180
Don't you guys have class or something?

2416
01:48:39,260 --> 01:48:41,137
You know what, I do have class.

2417
01:48:41,220 --> 01:48:42,916
But I go to class when I say I go to class.

2418
01:48:42,940 --> 01:48:44,532
You go to class.

2419
01:48:44,620 --> 01:48:47,054
I want a full report on my desk
by the end of the day.

2420
01:48:47,140 --> 01:48:50,655
Bibliography! Annotated! Highlighted!

2421
01:48:52,420 --> 01:48:53,648
Jake!

2422
01:48:54,620 --> 01:48:56,019
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

2423
01:49:00,620 --> 01:49:01,620
Cho!

2424
01:49:09,100 --> 01:49:10,100
(SIGHS)

2425
01:49:10,180 --> 01:49:12,375
It sounds like you rocked it last night.

2426
01:49:12,460 --> 01:49:13,460
How'd you do?

2427
01:49:13,540 --> 01:49:14,893
(CHUCKLES) Not bad.

2428
01:49:14,980 --> 01:49:18,131
Ended up with that tall chick
in the leather, you know,

2429
01:49:18,260 --> 01:49:19,852
- Debra Kadabra?
- Yeah?

2430
01:49:19,940 --> 01:49:20,940
Yeah, she's a senior.

2431
01:49:21,020 --> 01:49:22,453
BOTH: Yeah!

2432
01:49:22,540 --> 01:49:25,737
You know, she's not, like,
actually a dominatrix.

2433
01:49:25,820 --> 01:49:27,412
I didn't get beat up or anything.

2434
01:49:27,500 --> 01:49:29,218
- Oh, cool.
- That was just a costume.

2435
01:49:29,940 --> 01:49:31,931
Yeah, we had ourselves a good ol' time.

2436
01:49:32,020 --> 01:49:33,248
Nice, man.

2437
01:49:33,340 --> 01:49:34,819
Who's this fuck?

2438
01:49:35,700 --> 01:49:37,770
JAKE: I, uh, think that's our professor.

2439
01:49:37,860 --> 01:49:39,976
PLUM: This guy?
JAKE: Yeah.

2440
01:49:40,060 --> 01:49:41,971
PLUM: No shit.
JAKE: Mmm-hmm.

2441
01:49:42,060 --> 01:49:45,052
You know what, man, I got outta there
about 6:00 in the morning.

2442
01:49:45,140 --> 01:49:48,132
Shit, if I wasn't still drunk,
I think I'd be fucking dead.

2443
01:49:48,220 --> 01:49:49,733
Yeah, me, too, man.

2444
01:49:49,820 --> 01:49:51,811
It's gonna be a long fucking day.

2445
01:49:51,900 --> 01:49:53,253
Yeah, but a good year.

2446
01:49:53,420 --> 01:49:54,773
I can tell, man.

2447
01:49:54,860 --> 01:49:56,771
Shit.

2448
01:49:56,860 --> 01:49:59,328
Welcome to college, motherfuckers.

2449
01:49:59,460 --> 01:50:00,688
(SIGHS)

2450
01:50:15,540 --> 01:50:17,770
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

2451
01:53:53,740 --> 01:53:55,810
(SINGING) I'm Rope a Dope
A proud Cherokee

2452
01:53:55,900 --> 01:53:58,130
I stay busy chopping girls' cherry trees

2453
01:53:58,220 --> 01:54:00,290
I'll show you my buns if the booze is free.

2454
01:54:00,420 --> 01:54:02,650
Hands on the wheel
and fondue my cheese.

2455
01:54:02,740 --> 01:54:04,651
Hey, ladies
please pass me another

2456
01:54:04,740 --> 01:54:06,956
I'm not a rubber lover glover
I don't need no love buffer

2457
01:54:06,980 --> 01:54:09,016
I'ma do like Pete Ward
and go undercover.

2458
01:54:09,100 --> 01:54:10,116
Make a sister leave a brother.

2459
01:54:10,140 --> 01:54:12,131
We goin' make a little trouble

2460
01:54:12,660 --> 01:54:13,660
(EXHALES)

2461
01:54:13,740 --> 01:54:15,253
You're the new guy?

2462
01:54:15,340 --> 01:54:16,340
MAN: Dale Douglas!

2463
01:54:16,420 --> 01:54:18,092
Flier than a Cutlass Supreme.

2464
01:54:18,180 --> 01:54:20,296
Southeast Texas Cherokees
We the team.

2465
01:54:20,380 --> 01:54:22,257
Finn, me, and Coma
We got Mac in between.

2466
01:54:22,340 --> 01:54:24,436
Number one position players
Make these girls wanna scream.

2467
01:54:24,460 --> 01:54:26,576
Wakin ' up in a dream
Lucid so sweet.

2468
01:54:26,660 --> 01:54:29,299
We make you toothless
To put it plain and simple.

2469
01:54:29,380 --> 01:54:30,449
We the cream of the crop.

2470
01:54:30,540 --> 01:54:32,576
Cherokees are never leavin '
the top... Douglas.

2471
01:54:32,700 --> 01:54:34,770
My name is Willoughby
I know the master plan

2472
01:54:34,860 --> 01:54:37,090
I got the sun and the stars
In the palm of my hand.

2473
01:54:37,180 --> 01:54:39,250
Carl Sagan knows
the universe is eternal

2474
01:54:39,340 --> 01:54:41,296
I'm gonna burn this down
till my brain's a kernel.

2475
01:54:41,380 --> 01:54:45,532
Dr. Finnegan, so epicurean
Indulge in the BMOC.

2476
01:54:45,620 --> 01:54:47,895
There's only one thing bigger than my IQ.

2477
01:54:47,980 --> 01:54:49,936
And it stops around my knee.

2478
01:54:50,020 --> 01:54:52,409
Let me drop a Finnegism
and make a Finnegasm.

2479
01:54:52,500 --> 01:54:54,377
Expand the universe
Make it shudder and spasm

2480
01:54:54,460 --> 01:54:55,716
'Cause when you party like a savage.

2481
01:54:55,740 --> 01:54:56,775
Speak like a poet.

2482
01:54:56,860 --> 01:54:59,215
You cha-chao
before you even know it.

2483
01:54:59,340 --> 01:55:00,516
Hey, guys
The name's Alex Brumley

2484
01:55:00,540 --> 01:55:01,636
I'm gonna break it to you fresh.

2485
01:55:01,660 --> 01:55:02,716
All the guys around here punch me

2486
01:55:02,740 --> 01:55:03,876
'Cause they know that I'm the best.

2487
01:55:03,900 --> 01:55:04,916
It's my first days of college

2488
01:55:04,940 --> 01:55:05,975
I'm just trying to fit in.

2489
01:55:06,060 --> 01:55:08,176
So won't you come with me
and please be my friend?

2490
01:55:08,260 --> 01:55:10,455
- Please?
- Brumley, shut the fuck up!

2491
01:55:11,260 --> 01:55:13,410
Now, I'm Nesbit
No shame with no game

2492
01:55:13,500 --> 01:55:15,236
I'm throwing money down
the drain like no thing.

2493
01:55:15,260 --> 01:55:17,455
The best in a-gambling
Nesbit's a-rambling.

2494
01:55:17,580 --> 01:55:19,696
Submarine pitch
And the Mac can't handle it.

2495
01:55:19,780 --> 01:55:22,578
Cherokee chow
Coo-coo-capow in Texas.

2496
01:55:22,660 --> 01:55:24,013
With the cactus and cows.

2497
01:55:24,100 --> 01:55:26,216
Amityville? More like Amity-vile.

2498
01:55:26,300 --> 01:55:28,097
Sick to the bone
but we come with style.

2499
01:55:28,180 --> 01:55:30,296
So they call me Coma
Told the girl "hop on".

2500
01:55:30,420 --> 01:55:32,217
Throwing cheers to my boys

2501
01:55:32,300 --> 01:55:33,580
'Cause I'm a superstitious fella.

2502
01:55:33,660 --> 01:55:34,716
Known to get a little drunk.

2503
01:55:34,740 --> 01:55:36,571
But I'm here to make some noise.

2504
01:55:37,260 --> 01:55:39,569
Master plan for a higher man.

2505
01:55:39,660 --> 01:55:41,139
Do it all wrong.

2506
01:55:41,220 --> 01:55:44,417
Don't fuck it up to make it all right.

2507
01:55:44,500 --> 01:55:45,500
Drink my cup.

2508
01:55:45,580 --> 01:55:47,536
Schlong as long as the Nile's bong.

2509
01:55:47,620 --> 01:55:49,690
Hit it, bitch, I'm 95 strong

2510
01:55:49,820 --> 01:55:52,459
I'm the raw dog Rawest of raw.

2511
01:55:52,540 --> 01:55:58,695
Four screwdrivers
One fat straw, baby!

2512
01:55:59,100 --> 01:56:01,330
My name's Tyrone
but they call me Plum

2513
01:56:01,420 --> 01:56:04,093
I call the whole game
but they call me dumb.

2514
01:56:04,180 --> 01:56:07,058
Beer for breakfast
My Cap'n Crunch.

2515
01:56:07,140 --> 01:56:10,177
Spread your girl's legs
and then I have lunch.

2516
01:56:10,260 --> 01:56:12,376
Well, hey, oh, hey
This will make your day.

2517
01:56:12,460 --> 01:56:14,416
Boy, they call me Billy A

2518
01:56:14,500 --> 01:56:16,775
I like to chew and a-spit
And throw a ball a little bit.

2519
01:56:16,860 --> 01:56:18,896
Boy, you better stay out of my way.

2520
01:56:19,100 --> 01:56:21,091
Enough with that, Jake here
Just a chill dude

2521
01:56:21,180 --> 01:56:23,330
I'll sweep you off your feet
No need to be crude.

2522
01:56:23,420 --> 01:56:25,276
If I sense any question
I'll put you to the test.

2523
01:56:25,300 --> 01:56:27,689
If it's a crime to be sexy
then you're under arrest.

2524
01:56:27,780 --> 01:56:29,532
- You talkin' to me?
- No, can't you see?

2525
01:56:29,620 --> 01:56:30,894
Well, who you talking to?

2526
01:56:30,980 --> 01:56:32,049
Uh, dude, not you.

2527
01:56:32,140 --> 01:56:34,017
Well, okay, dude, you kinda rude

2528
01:56:34,100 --> 01:56:36,534
I ain 't really a fan of that attitude.

2529
01:56:36,620 --> 01:56:38,451
As I was saying before Billy interrupted.

2530
01:56:38,540 --> 01:56:39,780
We just having good times, baby.

2531
01:56:39,860 --> 01:56:40,860
Nothing too corrupted.

2532
01:56:40,940 --> 01:56:42,896
If you need a little insight on who I am.

2533
01:56:42,980 --> 01:56:45,255
Let me break it down for you
right now with my jam.

2534
01:56:45,340 --> 01:56:47,171
Unlike Finn I don't drop to the knee

2535
01:56:47,300 --> 01:56:49,416
'Cause I got a bigger secret
I drop to my feet

2536
01:56:49,500 --> 01:56:51,570
I'm the kinda guy
that'll meet you after class.

2537
01:56:51,660 --> 01:56:53,730
Take pride in my pitching
Like Rope and his ass.

2538
01:56:53,820 --> 01:56:55,936
Now, come over here
with those luscious thighs

2539
01:56:56,020 --> 01:56:58,693
I'll make you feel loved
while Willy's getting high