HarpyHomeTheater 1993: Gammera The Invincible!

Brandon Carter: "GAMERAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Brandon Carter: NOW WATCHING: GAMERA THE INVINCIBLE
Brandon Carter: WHERE THE CHEESE IS GREAT
Brandon Carter: "I HOPE MY GAMERAS DON'T FREEZE"
Brandon Carter: why would you bring your turtles to the artic
Brandon Carter: man i LOVE BLACK AND WHITE MOVIES (no i don't but eh i'll live without my glorious color)
Brandon Carter: "RUSSIANS"
Brandon Carter: even in 1950, the russians are to blame
Brandon Carter: obnoxious morse code activate!
Brandon Carter: (this may be piecemeal because unlike the other movies i rented, this one is included with prime, so i can stop watching and pause whenever i want :3 )
Brandon Carter: "baby its cold outside"
Brandon Carter: sir i swear
Brandon Carter: also i hate heels
Brandon Carter: those high heels disgust me
Brandon Carter: TAKE THEM OOOOOFFF
Brandon Carter: flirting in the 50s is some shit
Brandon Carter: "buttery clothes"
Brandon Carter: i'm sorry what
Brandon Carter: WELL RIDE HARD
Brandon Carter: how many times will these people say things that i could make lewd jokes about
Brandon Carter: hm
Brandon Carter: not even 3 minutes in and i'm cracking up
Brandon Carter: i'm the worst person to watch movies with (even though ivel would say otherwise)
Brandon Carter: "red alert."
Brandon Carter: *cue the sound of me slapping my keyboard repeatedly only ITS COMING FROM INSIDE THE MOVIE*
Brandon Carter: DOGS ARE CONCERNED
Brandon Carter: AND SO AM I
Brandon Carter: i love subtitles
Brandon Carter: *UNSETTLING MUSIC*
Brandon Carter: We just interrupted Gammera in the middle of him getting rid of snow with a snowblower.
Brandon Carter: AND NOW HE'S PISSED
Brandon Carter: "I NEED TO FIND OUT WHATS GOIN ON" a turtle is happening
Brandon Carter: thats all you need to know
Brandon Carter: >cup of coffee, black, no sugar, better make another pot its gonna be a long day
Brandon Carter: ew
Brandon Carter: the real final boss of this movie
Brandon Carter: *EXTREME CLOSEUP TO GAMERA'S FACE*
Brandon Carter: the prequel to Praying Godzilla...here comes Sleepy/Stoned Gamera
Brandon Carter: Gamera just wants some pot and some food.
Brandon Carter: Feed this poor turtle.
Brandon Carter: AN ANCIENT TURTLE
Brandon Carter: LIKETHELEATHERBACK
Brandon Carter: "OF GAMERA"
Brandon Carter: *dogs bork in concern*
Brandon Carter: oh no
Brandon Carter: >gamera, evil
Brandon Carter: here comes the ruined to taint my perception
Brandon Carter: ABANDON SHIP (guys continue to morse code in a panic) FUCKIN HELL GUYS LISTEN
Brandon Carter: suddenly fire not even directed at the ship
Brandon Carter: thats a spicy burp
Brandon Carter: turtle? a giant turtle? GWUUHUHAU HAUHFSLKH
Brandon Carter: gamera a big
Brandon Carter: but is he bigger than godzilla?
Brandon Carter: *things she shouldn't think about in the middle of a movie*
Brandon Carter: smaller than gamera in 1954 (164 ft) but fuckin huge in modern days (492 ft). we all know what kinda diet godzilla's been on
Brandon Carter: what i'm saying is
Brandon Carter: godzilla fat.
Brandon Carter: "INSIDE REPORTS OF GIANT TURTLE CONSPIRACY"
Brandon Carter: i can't stop laughing at these headlines
Brandon Carter: i'm never going to finish this movie before work at thsi rate :U
Brandon Carter: "gamera is PURE SCIENCE FICTION"
Brandon Carter: says the man
Brandon Carter: in a cheesy 1950s sci-fi movie
Brandon Carter: the irony is delicious, now and always
Brandon Carter: much like modern movies
Brandon Carter: even htough i haven't watched sharknado
Brandon Carter: i'm pretty sure someone was like
Brandon Carter: "SHARKNADO? IT'LL NEVER WORK!"
Brandon Carter: and then we got four sharknados.
Brandon Carter: sharknado 3 is sarah's favorite
Brandon Carter: damn contrare looks smug as shit
Brandon Carter: also why are you guys smoking indoors
Brandon Carter: why.
Brandon Carter: "great grandaddy of all turtles"
Brandon Carter: confirmed: all turtles are gamera's great grandchildren.
Brandon Carter: >jackass
Brandon Carter: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEMS FITIN WORDS
Brandon Carter: *ROLLS UP NONEXISTENT SLEEVES*
Brandon Carter: "WHERE'D YOU GET YOUR DIPLOMA, MADE IN JAPAN?!?"
Brandon Carter: i mean
Brandon Carter: maybe?
Brandon Carter: wow this doc's an asshole
Brandon Carter: get ready to suffer
Brandon Carter: DON't SHITTALK MY HUSBANDO LIKE THAT
Brandon Carter: HOO BOY SLAM THIS FIST DOWN
Brandon Carter: "I WILL NOT BE DETERED BY SCHOOLBOY MYTHS, THE FLAMING DRAGONS"
Brandon Carter: excise
Brandon Carter: excuse
Brandon Carter: it a turt
Brandon Carter: please do not misconstrue gamera's race, thank
Brandon Carter: also hello i am a girl who makes myths about everything
Brandon Carter: "MISS SAKURAI"
Brandon Carter: is this where sakurai was a gal and got inspiration to kill everyone he loved?
Brandon Carter: except kirby?
Brandon Carter: :U
Brandon Carter: "oh no your child is obsessed with turtles and if he doesn't stop he could be expelled"
Brandon Carter: bitch
Brandon Carter: let the kid enjoy turtles
Brandon Carter: geezum crow man
Brandon Carter: i mean they let me obsess over kirbies and be shitty at drawing them
Brandon Carter: oh oops its her brother
Brandon Carter: "YOU GOTTA MAKE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE AND ANIMALS"
Brandon Carter: yeah like me!
Brandon Carter: *has internet frands, ivel, two other IRL friends, and of course, dogs and fish*
Brandon Carter: i'm great at this
Brandon Carter: "set him free and forget about turtles"
Brandon Carter: e-excuse me.
Brandon Carter: why
Brandon Carter: LET HIM HAVE A TURT AND FRIENDS
Brandon Carter: >if you don't i'll do it for you
Brandon Carter: I hope Gamera kicks your ass first. : )
Brandon Carter: "its for your own sake*
Brandon Carter: i
Brandon Carter: i hate these words so goddamn much
Brandon Carter: at least, in relation to a FUCKIN TURTLE WHO IS DOING NOTHING WRONG
Brandon Carter: LET THE BOY LOVE HIS TURTLE YOU DICKWADS
Brandon Carter: gamera protecc child
Brandon Carter: friend of turt
Brandon Carter: also DAMN IT, didn't slap a bad parent
Brandon Carter: salt.
Brandon Carter: "THE ELECTRICITY DIDN'T EVEN SLOW HIM DOWN"
Brandon Carter: haha funny joke
Brandon Carter: also i shouldn't be eating frosting while doing this.
Brandon Carter: all kaiju movies are just someone slapping the soundboard aggressively
Brandon Carter: also uh
Brandon Carter: i hope you guys realize this is a geothermal power plant
Brandon Carter: no wait they wouldn't know about that.
Brandon Carter: ...i'm ready to watch people suffer
Brandon Carter: you know what this fire needs?
Brandon Carter: jalepenos.
Brandon Carter: nice skull there fam
Brandon Carter: "he has a totally different cell structure from us that allows him to eat fire and survive other things"
Brandon Carter: i
Brandon Carter: i can buy this yes
Brandon Carter: definitely
Brandon Carter: meanwhile WE CONTINUE TO BOMB THE TURTLE WHO ATE FIRE
Brandon Carter: HE'LL EAT EXPLOSIONS TOO JUST YOU WATCH
Brandon Carter: >ATOMIC BOMB
Brandon Carter: UM
Brandon Carter: GUYS HE WOKE UP BECAUSE OF ONE
Brandon Carter: DON'T BE STUPID
Brandon Carter: time to torrent another movie in the mea-
Brandon Carter: >lol no seeders
Brandon Carter: here i shed a single tear
Brandon Carter: "WE MUSTNT ACT IN HASTE" sorry i can't hear you over people probably dying soon
Brandon Carter: >freeze gamera!
Brandon Carter: CIRNO, EMBLA, AND BRANDON DEPLOYED
Brandon Carter: oh wait its the 50s.
Brandon Carter: Damn.
Brandon Carter: that guy is just so confused
Brandon Carter: "is that guy flopping around in a turtle outfit"
Brandon Carter: TEENAGE MUTANT FIRE TUUURTLE
Brandon Carter: time to take some nighttime pictureso f gamera destroying things
Brandon Carter: perfect
Brandon Carter: as gamera crawls up a mountain i'm like "oh man this reminds me of a yoshi's island boss"
Brandon Carter: perfect time for flashbacks amirite
Brandon Carter: "HI GUYS" gamera waves
Brandon Carter: oops
Brandon Carter: where's that GMK drill when you need it?
Brandon Carter: WHERE'S THE GOTENGO WHEN YOU NEED It
Brandon Carter: WHERE'S THE S.S. KOMODO WHEN YOU NEED THEM
Brandon Carter: now would be a great time to ground pound!
Brandon Carter: and here we have the lamest turtle slides down the mountain thing ever
Brandon Carter: "WE WON!"
Brandon Carter: we're only halfway through the movie, fam
Brandon Carter: awkwardly loff at turt
Brandon Carter: HE'S USING RAPID SPIN
Brandon Carter: WITH FIRE
Brandon Carter: GAMERA HAS NO LUNGS
Brandon Carter: HOW DOES HE EVEN LIVE
Brandon Carter: OH NO
Brandon Carter: >ravenous appetite
Brandon Carter: man he musta been starving. wish those blight fibers existedi n his general direction in the 50s-
Brandon Carter: gamera fat
Brandon Carter: and i appreciate that guy's fez
Brandon Carter: PLAN Z
Brandon Carter: DEJA VU-
Brandon Carter: "don't hurt gamera, he doesn't mean to hurt anyone, he's just big and clumsy"
Brandon Carter: sooo
Brandon Carter: uh
Brandon Carter: *ugly sobbing* LEAVE GAMERA ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE
Brandon Carter: BE KIND TO GAMERA
Brandon Carter: AND HE WILL BE KIND IN TURN
Brandon Carter: AND ALSO SAVE US FROM GODZILLA OR SOMETHING.
Brandon Carter: where's gamera vs. godzilla, DO IT COWARDS
Brandon Carter: "oh toshio you silly boy, we all know how dangerous gamera is ahuhuhu"
Brandon Carter: NEEROOOOM
Brandon Carter: "ITS GAMERA-"
Brandon Carter: *upbeat rock music*
Brandon Carter: i can't believe this mood whiplash
Brandon Carter: i can appreciate the awkward shuffle in this disco
Brandon Carter: that's how i dance, too
Brandon Carter: "well if we're gonna die better dance our way to death" *music continues*
Brandon Carter: this is
Brandon Carter: nihilism at its finest
Brandon Carter: :U
Brandon Carter: NOTHING IN LIFE MATTERS! *rainbows and puppies and ugly christmas sweaters*
Brandon Carter: OH NO MY MODEL TRAIN KIT
Brandon Carter: GAMERA WANTS TO DANCE, TOO
Brandon Carter: OH NOOO
Brandon Carter: THERE GOES TOKYO
Brandon Carter: THATS NOT GODZILLA!
Brandon Carter: this disco
Brandon Carter: IS ON FIRE
Brandon Carter: gamera doesn't even reach the top of tokyo tower
Brandon Carter: not even a real kaiju
Brandon Carter: one day, he'll graduate from Kaiju Adcademy, just like Godzilla!
Brandon Carter: *pan camera to Godzilla, who is busy chomping on nuclear bombs like Chrome devours RAM*
Brandon Carter: EVERYTHING IS BURNING
Brandon Carter: gamera just wants clothes, too.
Brandon Carter: "YOU MUSTN'T DO THAT GAMERA"
Brandon Carter: local kid moms at turtle, news at 11
Brandon Carter: gamera: now with waddling action!
Brandon Carter: HERE COMES THE MODEL TRAIN
Brandon Carter: CHOO CHOO
Brandon Carter: i have no idea if that's gamera growling or his stomach.
Brandon Carter: that's true terror right there.
Brandon Carter: "lel he wanted to see gamera"
Brandon Carter: *pan over to sad child*
Brandon Carter: leave him alone D:
Brandon Carter: HERE COMES A JRPG PROTAG
Brandon Carter: TO TRY TO SAVE THE DAY
Brandon Carter: TOSHIO, FRIEND OF ALL TURTLES
Brandon Carter: TOSHIO IS REALLY NEAT
Brandon Carter: TOSHIO LIKES TURTLES AND MEAT
Brandon Carter: TOOOSHIOOOOOOOOOO
Brandon Carter: "FOUND A STOWAWAY" "oh it him"
Brandon Carter: 'i hunger."
Brandon Carter: boi, me too
Brandon Carter: i say as i eat frosting like some sort of degenerate.
Brandon Carter: i should probably make food but THERES ONLY 13 MINUTES LEFT
Brandon Carter: BOAT
Brandon Carter: ...i mean
Brandon Carter: the plan was cheesy
Brandon Carter: but i have to admit, it's pretty clever
Brandon Carter: make an oil path to the island, ignite it, and watch gamera be fat and eat the flames.
Brandon Carter: Good job.
Brandon Carter: they're just playing the flamethrower bits backwards to show gamera eating flames lel
Brandon Carter: ...i think
Brandon Carter: DELICIOUS HOUSES
Brandon Carter: gammera luv fireworks
Brandon Carter: so wait their best plan
Brandon Carter: was to send gamera into space
Brandon Carter: i'm sure THIS won't backfire!
Brandon Carter: :U
Brandon Carter: >long journey to mars
Brandon Carter: oh no this is before biolante
Brandon Carter: he's gonna be so lonely.
Brandon Carter: SAYONARA, GAMERA
Brandon Carter: ...see you, space turtle.
Brandon Carter: so uh that was
Brandon Carter: a 50s movie alright
Brandon Carter: and being a 50s movie, you have to appreciate what they did to make things look good
Brandon Carter: #effort
Brandon Carter: not worth a second watch unless you're drunk, stoned, or with a friend to MST the fuck out of it
Brandon Carter: its just a casual reminder to please luv ur turt
Brandon Carter: and please don't question the fact that the kid seems so happy for gamera to be sent away when he was sad about this all long
Brandon Carter: all along
Brandon Carter: 6/10, but hey it was free with prime