Thread 40: Stories 16-30

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 >18
~~~~~

Today.

Today... was a magical fucking day. And she did not just say this because she felt like a trillion bits, was still coasting with some late night dream tingles, and she had not a scrap of paperwork to do.

Today... made her want to sing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RglMIKG0GFw

>I don't know why
>The world thought it could hold me
>When you couldn't even slow down itself
>And I don't know who
>Would ever want to tear the seam of someone's dream
>But hey, it's fine, I've got a sheer ton of friends
>HAH, that's a bad line but I'm sure
>That it's for the best
>Cause I'm here to unwind, not work to death.

With a flourish, she danced into the shower, keeping right on singing.

>'Cause it's hard to believe, mmm mmm mmm
>Oh baby, I'm relieved, mmm
>I'll never say goodbye, my whole world shines!
>Hey hey hey!

Joyously, she practically flew back out into her room.

>It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling! If we're...

And that's about when she finally looked out the window.

>...Biscuit poppers...
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 >Cheese
"Security"
~~~~

>WHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT!?

"...So just to clarify, this is NOT an attraction?"

>...

"Gotcha, right."

>WHAT THE DEADPOPPERS IS THIS!?

"...You're asking me?"

>I JUH I JUA UH WHUUUUHHH!?

"You okay boss?"

>MY PARTYLAND IS A JUNKIE!

"Yeah, that's a thing."

>...I have no idea how to fix this...

"Well, co-owner of the park is the one who saves the world all the time..."

>...Yeah, yeah, you're right, that's right. We should just... just wait for her to fix this. Pinkie'll know. She'll get Twilight and her friends and go on a big adventure and... and this'll all be fine. This'll be fine...

"...Boss?"

>...I'm going to sing now.

"Oh? About wha-"

>VIIIIIRUS ALERT! Delete immediately before someone gets hurt! Forward this message on to everybody!

"Literally or-"

>Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls! It'll make your keyboard all sticky! Give your poodle a hickey!

"Mental breakdown, right."

>VIIIRUS ALERT!
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 >Cadence
"2"
'Mane-Iac'
~~~

>THERE IS NO SHAMPOO STRONG ENOUGH!

"Sorry Caddy! I heard peanut butter was s'posed to be good fer' gettin' out gum."

>IT'S NOT GUM!

"...Some of it is..."

'AHAHAHAHAH! SOOOOOO QUEEN OVERTURE! What GRAAAAND ride should we go upon first!? I like the one that is bouncing the tent like a basketball, but that centipede that it tapdancing looks fun!'

>I NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!

"Ya' gonna be in the bathroom much longer?"

>YES!

"Awwww..."

'Not to WOOOORRRRY, Hugoria! We can enjoy the show until she EMEERRRGES from that room and does... whatever it is you all do in that room. Let us watch the dancing three legged salamander, and be merry!'

>Right right, keep pretending you're watching whatever, childhood whimsy and all that OH DEAR CELESTIA THERE'S LAYERS! THERE! ARE! LAYYYYERS!

"...That buffalo is funny."

'It's nice.'

>AGGHHHHHH!
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 >Twilight
"Arana"
'???'
~~~~~~~

>ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz....

"ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz...."

>ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz....

"ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz...."

*BANGBANGBANGBANG!*

'PRINCESS TWILIGHT!? ARE YOU IN THERE!? WE'VE GOT A BIIIIIGGGG PROBLEM!...Princess? PRINCESS!?'

>ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz....

"ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz...."

'FUDGECAKES! I don't think she's in there! CRRRAAAAAaaaapppp...'

>ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz....

"ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.... dunwanna eat the caterpillar... he's niiiicee..."

>Zzzzz... But Shiny, if we don't get in the pool then the kitty is going to float away... get my kitty...'

>ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz....

"ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz...."
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 ~MEANWHILE~

*BRAAAAAPPP*

>FOR FAUST'S SAKE, CELESTIA! SHE'S NOT HERE! MAKE IT STOOOOPPPP!
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 >IR
"CQ"
~~~~

>Well, that is odd.

"Indeed."

>...

"..."

>...Breakfast?

"Breakfast sounds desirable."

>I agree.
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 >Chrysalis
~~~~~

You'd think the Queen of all Changenlings, upon waking up in a grump and still thoroughly peeved from her multiple failures last night, would be in a less than satisfactory mood upon tossing back the curtains and gazing outwards at the massive insanity that was unfolding.

>...Well now...

The smirk on her face, on the other hand, insinuated this was a little wrong.

>...This could be fun.
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 >42
"Brain"
~~~~

>BRAIN HELP!

"Oh dear mercy what now!?'

>I THINK I FRIED YOU!

"...Clearly you didn't, since I'm talking to you just fine."

>No, I think I really blew something out last night! Really blew something! As in, you are no longer functioning as you should be functioning right now!

"Oh yeah? Let's hear some evidence."

>I JUST SAW A THREE HEADED DINOSAUR BREAK OUT INTO JAZZ SHOWTUNES AND THEN TURN INTO A CHICKEN!

"...Huh, that is some pretty compelling evidence, I'll grant you."

>WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!? Her Majesty is going to take me off command, I'm going to be reduced to drone class, I'M GONNA GET FIRED FROM THE EMPIRE! How am I supposed to get a job if I'm so invalid I'm watching giant snakes make out with worms made of gummi!? I LOVE MY JOB I DON'T WANNA LOSE IIIIT!

"...I don't think he'd fire you."

>...Y-you think so?

"Yeeeah, I'm sure Shiny would let you stay. Heck, he'd probably pay for your therapy."

>...R-really?

"And if not, Cadence sure would. You know she cares about you and wants you around, she even said as much. I doubt she's the type to get rid of you just because you can't punch as much anymore."

>Yeah...y-yeah... that sounds... that sounds right... she does seem like she would want to help me.

"Of course they would. They love you, really, you need to stop worrying so much."

>...You're right! HAH! What was I even worried about? I must've been so silly to let something like this get ahold of me. Pfft, there's probably not even anything out ther-

*CRASH!*

~SCREEEE-~

*POWPOWPOWPOW*

~GLUGL!~

*THUMP!*

>...
"..."
>...
"...Soooo... go get everyone?"

>Think that would be smart, yeah.
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 >77
"Cheerilee"
~~~~

>....Honeeyyyy?

"Yes, Sevenkins?"

>Did you summon in your sleep again?

"No, 77, I put on my mittens and was still wearing them when I woke up, why?"

>...No reason...
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 >Pinkie
"???"
~~~~~

>AHHHH! HOLY ROLLY POLLY OLLIES IN THE PARTY PITS OF TARTARUS! WHAT THE FLIP CAKES IS GOING ON!?

"Okay, Pinkie? I know you want to be family friendly and all, but maaayyyybe this isn't the time to be worrying about the censorship."

>DASHIE! MY PARTYLAND IS ON CRAZY STUFF! We need to have an intervention!

"Okay, so, not planned?"

>...NO!

"Hey, just checking. You said today was going to be special."

>I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BAKE OFF!

"Uh huh... well, this is more interesting, at least."

>FOCUS!

"Alright alright. It's not a big deal, you know."

>NOT A BIG DEAL!?

"Yeaahhh. I mean, come on, we both know who's magic this looks like."

>...

"And we both know who is currently on the premises, right? We just gotta wait for Fluttershy to roll up, smack some sense into the guy and go back to normal. If not, she's just gotta do that thing she does and get rid of it."

>I guess... but where is she?

"Hoping you would know, actually."

>Well, I don't.

"Bummer."

>...*sigh*, I guess I better make an announcement for them not to leave the hotel.

"Thaaat you do. Because I'm pretty sure I just saw a chain chomp roll by."

>OH NO! I'M GONNA GET SUED FOR COPYWRITE INFRINGEMENT! CURSE YOUUUUUUUUU!

"..."

>...You don't even know, Dashie, it's serious business.

"Riiiiight..."
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 >Celestia
"???"
~~~~

>This is bad this is bad this is bad!

She had decided that her room, at the moment, was exactly where she did not want to be. Mostly because of the stuff breaking in through her window. While she was more than capable of fighting off most opponents, one such one that had proved to easily outmatch her sans instant rainbow-win was, of course, chaos magic.

Of which, this quite clearly was. As such, fighting it would be a waste of time. The small fries were unimportant.

She had no idea what Discord could possibly be up to at the moment, but right now she needed to find a certain yellow pony, and have her make him answer for this. Unfortunately, Celestia had no idea where her room is. So, this was proving to be a bit of a pickle.

Unbeknownst to her, she was not alone in that long hallway. As her head swung back and forth, debating where to go, another was right there, just out of her sight.

So distracted was she, she failed to sense any other presence. Even as close as they were, it was as if they were a ghost.

In this moment, this perfect, once in a millennia moment, she was completely and utterly off guard. In this one moment, anything was possible.

In the span of a fraction of a moment, strong, well trained muscles bulged underneath chitinous skin, rippling as they poured pure love through his veins. As if he has ceased to be, he became unto a blur, rocketing right towards the still unsuspecting princess. A black shape so smooth it was almost impossible to make out the outstretched hoof at the front. But outstretched it was, pointed right at his target, the just where she couldn't see, couldn't react.

At last, he reached her.

And poured every ounce of love-magic he still had in his veins to knock her clear into the wall on the opposite side.

Through the daze of such a sudden and violent attack, the furious princess only barely managed to catch a glimpse of the guilty party still hanging right where he had struck her, exactly where she had been not a millisecond ago.

Just in time to watch an odd, blue webbing like substance tighten on him, and jerk him back.

Though the shock, her brain caught up enough that she made her best attempt to grab at him with her magic, but sadly, he was just too far out of reach, too quickly.

He just barely managed to hook his hooves on the bend of the wall where the hallway split, clear on the other side, and she likewise was just barely close enough she could hear his last words.

“TELLMYQUEENILOVEHERIREALLYDOOHSWEETHIVEMINDIDIDN'TWANTODIELIKETHISI'MSORRYHIGHNE-”

His speech, lasting only half a second, cut off as he was ripped free, and was gone.

Alone in the hallway, she just barely had enough sense of mind to throw up a basic shield, blocking any new attempts to grab hold of her.

>...Thank you.

With a regretful sigh, she turned back, and resumed her search.

Hopefully, this game Discord was playing was not for keeps.

If it was...

>I'll tell her, Seven.
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 >Chrysalis
“???”
~~~~~~~~

>Now this is a party.

It had been so long since she had been free to cut loose like this. Flames of emerald cutting though each and every single thing that tried to reach her. No matter what shape, be they three winged eagles riding on unicycles or two faced monsters singing perfect A Capella, she cut them down. Oh, this was so nice. So nice not to worry for others sake, so nice not to focus on anything but the utter destruction of those in her way.

And what, was someone going to complain? Who? If anything, they should be giving her a medal. Not that she had any desire for a medal, those things were stupid. Really, a piece of metal to say how great that thing you did was? HAH! Chrysalis thought, If it was really that great, nobody would need a reminder, eh?

>But I digress.

She wasn't talking to anyone in particular, of course. More concerned with just cutting down whoever crossed her field of vision who was not a pony and/or another sentient species. So caught up in her game, she didn't even realize it when she walked over top of an oddly colored floor tile.

One that suddenly erupted upward and transformed into octopus tentacles.

>Pitiful.

Flame spun into tiny little circles, blade with which she carved through every single piece of every of the nine tentacles. Yes, nine, obviously.

>HAH! Better luck next time-

Her mockery died a quick death as the chunks suddenly mutated, expanding into massive shapes right before her eyes. From every tiny chunk, a fully formed octopus balloon animal spawned, each one dwarfing her in size.

And then they were upon her.

Strangely colored rubber surrounded her, grabbing hold just as tightly as if they were made of flesh and holding back against her struggles. It seemed they were trying to drag her off, down the hallway and to who knows where.

>Sorry...

She was suddenly bathed in flame, and from the massive writhing pile of rubber animals, a tiny little filly squeezed free, popping out on the other side and landing gracefully before the flames reconsumed her, and the Queen emerged.

>I have a very specific type, I've found, and you just aren't it.

Her magic gleefully grabbed hold of several of the legs in the writing mass, twisting them more and more into knots upon knots. Soon, every octopus was completely, utterly tangled.

And then they popped, leaving nothing to remain.

And Chrysalis just smiled.

>Well, that was fun...

She suddenly paused, as if a sudden something had occurred to her.

>...Oh, hell no

Her horn ignited into green flames, reaching outward in a direction she did not even look upon. With a tilt of her head, a shape was pulled from the shadows and brought before her.

Just an instant before what appeared to be long, powerful ropes of chewed gum could reach her, and instead splatted on the coat covered back of the one before her.

>You piece of shit.

He did not answer, biting his tongue and keeping his face blank as he was forcibly pulled in different directions.

From within his coat, a single thread of hair was pulled free.

Then another.

And another still.

...Then one more.

Chrysalis took her dear sweet time as she looked over her head and mane, counting every single minor ache from where they had been pulled free. Satisfied that she had gotten them all, and giving him one more once over just to be sure, she finally regarded him again.

>You were seriously going to let those things take me? My my, not even a warning for this stuff here, and it looks quite... sticky.

His face remained blank, looking right into her.

“Protecting you is not my objective. Your safety is of no concern to me.”

>Mmmm, I suppose you are right. Still, I must admit, you were quite quick, I barely even felt you attempting to teleport.

No answer.

>Shouldn't you be chasing those wide, oh so jiggly hips? Whatever are you doing near me with all of this going on?

Just a touch of color to his cheeks.

“I was en route to my Queen when I saw them attack you. It was only supposed to be a brief pause, as the opportunity was too fortuitous to pass up.”

>Hmm hmm hmm. So dedicated to the mission, and so aloof from the proceedings...

She gave a wicked smile, narrowing her face close to his.

>Oh, what a terrible thing, that you were not born a changeling. You would have been one of my very favorites.

He scoffed, just a bit. Then grimaced as the gum tightened it's pull.

>Oh dear, is that bothering you? Well, I should be off all the same. Anything to say before I let you go?

He just looked long and hard into her eyes.

“Long. Live. Celestia.”

And with that, she let him go.

And he fell to the ground, the gum holding tight to him cut away by the very magic that had held him.

The Queen chuckled darkly at his surprised face, and gabbed hold of him once more just long enough to give a kiss on the cheek.

>Atta boy, off to mama now. Would hate to think what would happen if something like those grabbed hold of her. All of those tentacles, going into such places...

He nodded, stone faced despite his twitching eyes and blush, and started off.

>Ah ah ah!

His mouth was ripped open as her magic reached inside, and pulled out yet another hair.

>Naughty naughty. Off you go now.

He growled, furious, and teleported away.

So close...

>... Oh well.

She chuckled one more time, and got back to destroying all that opposed her.

>Seven's just as good. No need to be bitter. Hmmm..

Idly, she tapped a hoof to her chin.

>I wonder how he's doing... bah, no need to worry. He's with Celestia, most likely.

She laughed again, firing another bolt at a monkey made of a giant mass of lint.

>What's the worst that could happen?
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 >Flash
"Fizzle"
~~~
"Fuck! I knew this would happen!"

>I know! We walk up early to get on the rides

"And these freak accidents pop up everywhere and cause rides to break down!"

>... Wanna go fight the warring melon and gourd people?

"WOULD I?!"
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 Non canon
>Shining
"Cadence"
~~~~
"WAKE UP SHINING!"

>Ugh geez, Cadence. What is it?

"It's time for breakfast. I asked room service to get you hash browns. I even poured some ketchup for you. Enjoy."

Shining levitates a plate of hash browns and takes a bite.

>...it tastes good....what the fuck is going on?
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 >Spike
"AJ"
'Rarity'
[Park Guests]
~~~
We find our heroes, flying over Partyland

"Think ya'll might need yer guns for this?"

>Sure would be helpful, but I don't know if we have time!

'Oh, but I did!'

"Nice goin' Rares!"

>Thanks, Rarity, but... How did you know how to get these?

'Beauty like this takes effort, dears. I was up before dawn, looked at outside and decided my appearance could wait for the sake of Equestria.'

"Actually, Ah think we're o'er that Crystal Empire righ' now."

'Oh, whatever.'

"Whoa nelly! Air turbulence!"

>AH!

Spike begins to lose his footing

'Spikey!'

Spike ends up with one foot on each princess

>Whew, that was close

meanwhile...

[Is that a dragon riding two princesses with a shotgun in one hand and a big revolver in the other?]

[Seems like it.]

[... 'QUESTRIA! FUCK YEAH!]

[Actually, I think we're over the Griffon Aeries right now.]

[Whatever.]

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