FACADE STAGEPLAY
Tue Mar 01 04 28 01 2011

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

ADAM
Where's the hookers?

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

(ADAM knocks on the front door.)

(ADAM knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!

ADAM
HEY

GRACE
God... Trip!

ADAM
OPE THE DOOR

(Trip opens the front door.)

(ADAM knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Adam!!

TRIP
Ah  I'm so happy you could make it!   -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Uh...

(ADAM hugs trip.)

TRIP
Well come on in...

TRIP
Uh, let me go get Grace... -- (interrupted)

ADAM
Where's the hookers?

TRIP
W -- w - what... n - no, uh, just stay here...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

(ADAM knocks on the front door.)

(ADAM closes the front door.)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

(ADAM points to the wedding gown sketch.)

(ADAM points to the wedding gown sketch 4.)

(ADAM points to the wedding gown sketch 4.)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

(ADAM points to the wedding gown post its.)

(ADAM points to the wedding gown post its.)

(ADAM uses the answering machine.)

ANSWERING MACHINE
No new messages

(ADAM picks up the phone.)

(ADAM puts down the phone.)

(ADAM picks up the phone.)

GRACE
Adam,

GRACE
Hi!  How are you?  God it's been a while!

ADAM
Ohai

GRACE
Uh...

GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...

ADAM
Phone rang.

ADAM
Take your phone

GRACE
Adam,  seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have.  -- (interrupted)

ADAM
ANSWER THE PHONE

GRACE
Oh, well, we've -- we've missed you.

TRIP
Hey, I just realized something.

GRACE
What...

ADAM
THE PHONE IS RINGING

TRIP
Uh -- well, tonight is special!

TRIP
Adam,  remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.

TRIP
Senior year of college!

GRACE
Oh... geez...

TRIP
Remember that?

ADAM
Oh yeah, So where's the strippers?

TRIP
We really want to thank you for years and years of...

GRACE
Pain.

TRIP
Heh heh heh... Agony.

GRACE
Love.

TRIP
Uh, yeah, love, yeah, love.

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Why not?

TRIP
Hmm! -- (interrupted)

ADAM
NIGGER ANSWER THE PHONE

TRIP
(nervous coughing)

GRACE
uh...!

TRIP
god, I don't, um...

GRACE
uuh...!

GRACE
ha ha...

TRIP
what...

GRACE
ha ha ha ha!!

ADAM
What's wrong with you people?

TRIP
ha ha...

TRIP
heh, ha ha ha!

TRIP
Ha ha ha, heh,   Adam,

GRACE
heh heh heh...

TRIP
heh, you had me going there for a sec...

TRIP
heh, ha ha...

TRIP
You're not afraid to say anything, are you?

ADAM
So where's my whisky?

TRIP
mess with us ...

TRIP
heh heh, you're crazy, you know that?

TRIP
heh, ha ha...

ADAM
I want a drink.

TRIP
(big sigh)

TRIP
Anyway... what were we talking about, heh?

TRIP
Adam,  -- (interrupted)

ADAM
DRINK ME

TRIP
Uh -- well, we should drink.

TRIP
So, what's your poison?

TRIP
Let's have something fun,

ADAM
Whisky.

TRIP
like sangria?

TRIP
Uh, well, I'm just going to make us all some nice sangria.

GRACE
No no,

GRACE
Adam,  maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?

ADAM
No, I want whisky...

TRIP
Alright!  That's what I wanted to hear!  It'll just take me a short minute here.

TRIP
(quiet humming)

GRACE
(little sigh) Trip has always been partial to winning his friends over by way of the -- (interrupted)

ADAM
No... whisky....

TRIP
What?  N - no, no, no, drinks coming right up!

TRIP
Grace, I know what you want, but I'll ask anyway...  what would you like to -- (interrupted)

ADAM
I want whisky.

TRIP
Well, I was just going to ask Grace what she wants.

ADAM
 Give me whisky.

TRIP
um...

GRACE
As for my drink...

GRACE
Um,  Just a glass of Chardonnay for me, please.

(ADAM puts down the phone.)

(ADAM picks up the advice ball.)

TRIP
Ah, Chardonnay, certainly.

(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")

(ADAM shakes the advice ball.)

GRACE
Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along...

(The advice ball reads, "Yes")

(ADAM puts down the advice ball.)

GRACE
So,    Adam,  you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.

ADAM
What are you doing?

GRACE
Oh, um, well... I want to ask you...

GRACE
Uhh, when I saw this armoire in the store, it seemed to have such a clean, simple look to it...

TRIP
Yeah it looks good next to the bar.

ADAM
Nice view.

GRACE
but looking -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Ah, yes,    Adam,  I knew you'd like it.  See, Grace?

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

ADAM
Can I have my whisky now?

GRACE
I bet -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Grace, it seems no one has a problem with your decorating...

GRACE
Trip, that's what you always say, but believe me, this room needs to be redone.  Uhh, first chance I get I'm going to return whatever furniture they're willing to take ba
kÿÿÿÿ
 -- (interrupted)

ADAM
I want a drink.

TRIP
Oh! Ha ha ha, yeah --

GRACE
Ah it's good to see you two getting along so well.

ADAM
Can I have a drink?

TRIP
Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix us another drink in not too long...

ADAM
Please sir, may I have another...

TRIP
(little sigh)

ADAM
You never gave me my whisky...

GRACE
N -- no, wait, what's wrong, Trip?

GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?!  We're NOT disagreeing.

ADAM
WHAT'S WRONG? I WANT WHISK

TRIP
What?  No, no, no I'm good, we're good, e -- everything's good...

ADAM
Give me a whisky!

GRACE
What...?

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

ADAM
WHISKY!

TRIP
Wha -- uh, heh, oh, well...

TRIP
Oh,    Adam,  I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.

GRACE
Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the -- (interrupted)

ADAM
God you're deaf...

GRACE
Oh yes, yes, go look at Trip's Italy photo...

TRIP
Adam,  Come take look at this!

GRACE
God, this evening is getting more exhilarating -- (interrupted)

ADAM
I want a whisky

GRACE
Oh, please, go take a look...

TRIP
Adam,  Come on, you'll like this, check it out! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.

ADAM
Can I have a whisky now?

TRIP
Um...  uhh, Now,    Adam,  in one word, what does this picture say to you?

ADAM
WHISKY

TRIP
Mmm... no...

GRACE
Wait, what's wrong with that?  That's a perfectly fine answer! -- (interrupted)

ADAM
YES

TRIP
Romance!  No it says... romance...!

GRACE
Romance?  Ha, in our marriage, that's just a code word for manipulation.

TRIP
Grace, it'd been such a long time since we'd... had a chance to -- -- (interrupted)

ADAM
It says give me a damn whisky.

GRACE
Oh, God, please, no more talk about Italy tonight...

GRACE
 (frustrated sigh)

GRACE
And you knew I planned to attend my friend's art show that weekend!

GRACE
  A very good friend from college had a gallery show -- (interrupted)

TRIP
What?

ADAM
TRIP CAN I PLEASE HAVE DRINK

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Don't count on it, huh, huh. -- (interrupted)

ADAM
...

GRACE
Well -- well, Trip can get overly obsessed.

TRIP
Ahh, this is bullshit!

GRACE
Ahh, no, you're full of shit!

GRACE
Goddamn romance...

GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling! -- (interrupted)

ADAM
No hookers... No whisky...

GRACE
What?!?  That's awful, where did that come from?  You're acting ridiculous!

TRIP
(little impatient sigh)     Adam,  I...

ADAM
What the hell is wrong with you?

TRIP
Huh?  What is this you're saying?

TRIP
Goddamn... cussing...

TRIP
Grace, I -- I just want to be together, and be happy, can you just see that?

GRACE
Oh, my God...!

TRIP
Can't we just do that?

GRACE
Alright, you know what,     Adam,

ADAM
I don't care...  I just want a whisky

GRACE
I'm going to ask you something.

TRIP
Grace --

GRACE
Trip, let me ask our guest a question.

GRACE
Adam,  yes or no...

ADAM
Can  I please have a whisky?

GRACE
Do you think it's _wrong_ for one person in a marriage to listen _too much_ to the other?

TRIP
What?

GRACE
To trust your husband or wife too much, to rely on them too -- (interrupted)

ADAM
No, now can I have a whisky?

GRACE
What...?!

GRACE
Oh, yes, that's fine... that's fine...

GRACE
Goddammit!  How can I be happy when you act this way, Trip?  Huh? I'm miserable!

TRIP
Oh, come on...!

ADAM
Oh really? Because I don't see any

TRIP
Uhh!  Yeah, go on, get away from me!

TRIP
I can't stand frigging looking at you!

ADAM
Please... dear lord... a drink?!

TRIP
Oh...  Shit!

TRIP
uhh!

ADAM
Trip, can I have a whisky now?

TRIP
What?  uhh... w -- what are you saying?

GRACE
What, I can't hear you, are you talking to me?

TRIP
No!

ADAM
Can I have a whisky?!

TRIP
Adam,  this has never ever happened before...!

TRIP
uhh...

ADAM
YOU NOT SERVING ME DRINKS?

GRACE
Adam,  (annoyed sigh) Trip can just be so...

TRIP
Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?

GRACE
What?

GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,

GRACE
 you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!

TRIP
What?

GRACE
If it weren't for you, I could be a real artist by now. -- (interrupted)

ADAM
WHY CAN I NOT HAVE A WHISKY

GRACE
Why?

TRIP
Thank you.  Grace, you wanted a real job -- at the time, you told me you didn't want to paint anymore!  You said that!

GRACE
Uhh...

ADAM
Seriously, I don't... I want whisky..

GRACE
No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.

TRIP
Adam,  you think this is all my fault, don't you?

ADAM
No, let's focus on whisky...

GRACE
You tricked me, Trip!  Right after we got married, you tricked me into giving up my dream of being an artist!

TRIP
What?  Oh, Jesus Christ...

TRIP
Holy shit... you think I'm to blame... I'm to blame for all this...  -- (interrupted)

ADAM
how did this even...

GRACE
How?

ADAM
I... what...

TRIP
Why?

TRIP
Uhh...

ADAM
All I wanted was a glass of whisky

TRIP
Uhh, this is too much, I can't take this... -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Why?

TRIP
No, don't, don't talk me right now...

GRACE
Let's keep talking about us, our relationship.

TRIP
No,    Adam,  I -- I know, deep down, Gr -- Grace and I...  -- (interrupted)

ADAM
Can we talk about whisky?

TRIP
Aha!

GRACE
Adam,  you're saying I'm... not communicative?   No, that's just wrong, I'm the one here who is able to actually say things...

ADAM
I'm saying you're both deaf.

TRIP
Let's talk some more about Grace.

TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --

GRACE
Adam,  I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it! -- (interrupted)

ADAM
No, Let's talk more about whisky.

GRACE
Uhh,    Adam,  no, we already talked about that...!

TRIP
No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one.

GRACE
You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'!

TRIP
What...?

GRACE
Trip, it is such an act!

TRIP
  Oh my God...    Adam,  what... uhh...

ADAM
What?

TRIP
Grace, I'm not 'acting' when I'm being romantic... God damn...!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

ADAM
So how about that whisky?

TRIP
Adam,  explain this to me!

GRACE
Let's talk some more about us, our relationship.

ADAM
I want whisky.

TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...

TRIP
Adam,  She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests! -- (interrupted)

ADAM
Why are you guys doing this?

GRACE
Why?

TRIP
Ah, thank you, just saying that helps us...

TRIP
 See,    Adam,  her acting loving is the only reason I like our stupid parties.

ADAM
All I want is whisky...

TRIP
It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do something nice for you, you resist it?

GRACE
Trip...

TRIP
  Like I always have to convince you?

GRACE
Adam,  you know, we... uhh...

ADAM
There's not even whisky back here

TRIP
No?

TRIP
It's just never easy with you, Grace, and it wears me down. -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Adam,  does it look like I want to fix you drinks right now?

TRIP
Okay, no, I want to focus on Grace.

TRIP
Grace, I don't think you really do want us to quit our jobs, lead a simpler lifestyle.

GRACE
What? Trip, you know what I --

TRIP
Oh come on! You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth. You can't live any other way.

TRIP
Adam,  where are you going?  Don't hide in the kitchen, we need you out here!

ADAM
maybe it's in the fridge...

TRIP
Uhh...

ADAM
But  I want whisky!

TRIP
Let's keep our focus on Grace.

TRIP
Adam,  look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.

ADAM
I don't want to talk about Grace.

TRIP
No?

GRACE
Ah, thank you, that helps him.

GRACE
 Trip, look at my parents. If money bought happiness they wouldn't hate themselves like they do.

ADAM
I want to talk about whisky.

TRIP
What?

TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.

GRACE
Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine...

ADAM
Are you people retarded?

TRIP
You think I'm not good enough...!

ADAM
I want a fucking whisky.

GRACE
Sex, sex, sex, why is sex such a big deal?

TRIP
What?

ADAM
What?!

GRACE
Why do people -- (interrupted)

GRACE
No, look, I'm just saying... sex seems like it's more trouble than it's worth.

TRIP
Oh God, this is so depressing...

ADAM
That doesn't even...

TRIP
No?

TRIP
Oh my God... I cannot frigging believe this... uhh...

ADAM
I...

TRIP
Uhh, this is too much, I can't take this...

TRIP
Okay, I'm sick of this bullshit!!

ADAM
What?

TRIP
Adam,  I know what you're hinting at, okay?!

TRIP
about me...

TRIP
about our lifestyle...

ADAM
What?

TRIP
Do you really want the truth? Huh?

TRIP
Adam,  are you ready to hear it?

ADAM
ALL I WANT IS SOME WHISKY

TRIP
Grace? -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Grace, huh?

GRACE
Yes...!

TRIP
See,    Adam,  I've been paying attention to what you've been saying tonight.

ADAM
WHY IS THIS SO DIFFUCLT?

TRIP
You've been pushing me tonight.

TRIP
It makes me wonder if you're really my friend or not.

GRACE
Trip!

TRIP
Adam,  Quit interrupting me, let me finish!

TRIP
Adam,  come on -- yes or no...

ADAM
REAL FRIENDS GIVE WHISKY

TRIP
Do you really think that...

TRIP
praising me...

TRIP
acting inappropriately to Grace...

TRIP
saying that Grace is not communicative...

ADAM
What...

TRIP
not defending me when I asked you if I was to blame...

TRIP
No,     Adam,  let me finish!

ADAM
I didn't say any of that...

TRIP
and what you said about giving advice to your wife...

TRIP
that all that is supposed to help me understand something about myself?

TRIP
Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?

TRIP
Is it?  Just give me a yes or no.

ADAM
No, you're supposed to get a drink

TRIP
This is not a trick question. -- (interrupted)

TRIP
No,    Adam,  just give me a yes or no.

ADAM
WHISKY

TRIP
No?  Oh... I'm surprised, I would have said yes, it did mean something.

ADAM
...

TRIP
Grace...

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
I'm -- I'm just... af -- afraid of... of being poor.

ADAM
Trip, I...

GRACE
Poor?  Trip, we have so much! What do you --

TRIP
It never feels like enough!

TRIP
As a kid... it -- it was...   My family was always on the edge.

GRACE
So you weren't rich, but --

TRIP
We even spent six months in a shelter once.

ADAM
I want whisky, please someone...

GRACE
Oh my God...!

TRIP
All of this stuff...

TRIP
Is a kind of protection from that ever happening again.

TRIP
uhh...

GRACE
uhh...

GRACE
Oh my God...!

ADAM
Can I just have a whisky please?

GRACE
Adam,  I, uhh...

GRACE
This changes everything...

TRIP
Yes, it does change everything.

ADAM
What are you guys talking about?

TRIP
I think it's over.

GRACE
Trip, what --

TRIP
No!!

ADAM
What?!

TRIP
It's over, Grace, don't you see that?

ADAM
ALL I WANTED WAS WHISKY

GRACE
Wha... You just told me --

TRIP
I just told you something about me I should have said a long time ago:

TRIP
I'm afraid of being poor.

TRIP
And no,    Adam,  enough of that already...

GRACE
Trip, no, I... we...

TRIP
No, Grace, this is about me.  I see now it's not about you, or about our marriage.

ADAM
But... I never even got a glass...

GRACE
Me...?  Our -- our marriage...?  Hey, no, wait!

TRIP
And no,    Adam,  no more!

TRIP
Adam,  I'm sorry.  Thank you, though, you really helped me.

ADAM
But what about my whisky?

GRACE
Trip!

(Trip opens the front door.)

ADAM
What...

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
Trip!!

GRACE
Oh my God...

ADAM
Grace can  I have a whisky?

GRACE
I should have told him that...

(ADAM hugs grace.)

GRACE
I -- I could have told him that...

ADAM
It's ok...