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  1. 6:16:42 PM
  2. &Mishie
  3. Hmm
  4. 6:16:45 PM
  5. &Mishie
  6. Had a look at it Marceline
  7. 6:17:00 PM
  8. Marceline
  9. oh hey
  10. 6:17:04 PM
  11. Marceline
  12. good to hear
  13. 6:17:08 PM
  14. Marceline
  15. any thoughts?
  16. 6:17:28 PM
  17. &Mishie
  18. Story feels a bit...  I'm not too sure if bland is the right word, maybe...  Not really all that full of tension or impact?
  19. 6:17:28 PM
  20. &Mishie
  21. Although I'm not sure if it's meant to be deliberate or not at this stage.
  22. 6:17:34 PM
  23. &Mishie
  24. Is the main character a second gen cape?
  25. 6:17:41 PM
  26. &Mishie
  27. Because that's the impression that I'm getting
  28. 6:17:43 PM
  29. &Mishie
  30. Which could be fun
  31. 6:18:00 PM
  32. Marceline
  33. she isn't meant to be
  34. 6:18:18 PM
  35. &Mishie
  36. huh
  37. 6:18:33 PM
  38. Marceline
  39. what makes you say that?
  40. 6:18:57 PM
  41. Marceline
  42. her being second gen i mean
  43. 6:19:21 PM
  44. &Mishie
  45. Shame, her talking about the trigger really reminded me of that early scene in Worm with the Undersiders talking about shit.  About how they went through what they did, and then Lisa talks about Glory Girl getting her powers from being fouled at a game or whatever it was.
  46. 6:20:34 PM
  47. Marceline
  48. like the trigger event seems mild to you?
  49. 6:21:00 PM
  50. Marceline
  51. i can sort of see that
  52. 6:21:14 PM
  53. &Mishie
  54. not so much mild as much as...
  55. 6:21:20 PM
  56. &Mishie
  57. There's buildup, but no payoff.
  58. 6:21:56 PM
  59. Marceline
  60. like it should have escalated more before she triggered?
  61. 6:23:15 PM
  62. &Mishie
  63. Right now it kinda feels like Ray is just a caricature of a person, which I feel could work out well if we hadn't seen the conversation and instead we were just running on the main characters biased opinion more obviously.
  64. 6:24:46 PM
  65. &Mishie
  66. Like...
  67. 6:25:03 PM
  68. &Mishie
  69. From what we can see there's been this back and forth between Ray and the protag.
  70. 6:25:12 PM
  71. Marceline
  72. mmhmm
  73. 6:26:15 PM
  74. ← thetwomind has quit (Quit: Connection closed for inactivity)
  75. 6:26:19 PM
  76. &Mishie
  77. Where she's been a shitty person to live with, but the others haven't had the time or patience to put up with it.  She's apparently done something even worse that's been the final straw for them and...
  78. 6:26:24 PM
  79. &Mishie
  80. Hmmm
  81. 6:26:39 PM
  82. &Mishie
  83. Honestly I almost get the feeling like she's a second gen from his shard if that makes sense?
  84. 6:26:53 PM
  85. Marceline
  86. huh
  87. 6:27:01 PM
  88. &Mishie
  89. Where she's pushed someone there to triggering, and now it's all coming around full circle.
  90. 6:27:08 PM
  91. &Mishie
  92. Which could be a fascinating dynamic to play around with
  93. 6:27:16 PM
  94. Marceline
  95. the terrible final straw was resetting the wifi password
  96. 6:27:23 PM
  97. Marceline
  98. like that's literally it
  99. 6:27:59 PM
  100. &Mishie
  101. See that almost sounds like the ending to his trigger
  102. 6:28:10 PM
  103. &Mishie
  104. one of those final straw moments
  105. 6:28:15 PM
  106. Marceline
  107. but why would that bother him? he could just change his password himself
  108. 6:28:24 PM
  109. Marceline
  110. it's literally written on the back of the thing
  111. 6:28:49 PM
  112. &Mishie
  113. I dunno, he's your character.
  114. 6:29:08 PM
  115. Marceline
  116. well yeah
  117. 6:29:23 PM
  118. Marceline
  119. but also not really
  120. 6:30:05 PM
  121. &Mishie
  122. But based on what I can see, it feels like a clever final straw thing.
  123. 6:30:14 PM
  124. &Mishie
  125. Where it's not so much this specific incident
  126. 6:30:31 PM
  127. &Mishie
  128. As much as the buildup over time, which makes for a great contrast to the protags trigger
  129. 6:31:06 PM
  130. &Mishie
  131. One where it's a variety of incidents of varying degrees over time, culminating in something minor being like a final straw.
  132. 6:31:10 PM
  133. &Mishie
  134. And the other where it's a ramping intensity to something more.
  135. 6:31:21 PM
  136. Marceline
  137. you seem to be taking her roommate's ideas of how terrible she is to live with at face value
  138. 6:31:37 PM
  139. &Mishie
  140. Well
  141. 6:32:09 PM
  142. &Mishie
  143. The protags internal dialogue kinda supports it pretty heavily tbh
  144. 6:32:33 PM
  145. Marceline
  146. i mean, the accusations aren't entirely baseless no
  147. 6:32:49 PM
  148. Marceline
  149. it's more that their response to her behavior is disproportional
  150. 6:32:56 PM
  151. Marceline
  152. and cruel
  153. 6:33:19 PM
  154. Marceline
  155. particularly since they knew she was going to move out soon anyway
  156. 6:35:36 PM
  157. &Mishie
  158. It kinda seems like there's very much so a toxic spiral and back and forth between everyone involved
  159. 6:35:37 PM
  160. &Mishie
  161. Like uh
  162. 6:35:55 PM
  163. Marceline
  164. sure
  165. 6:36:06 PM
  166. Marceline
  167. but i feel like it's noteworthy that there's three of them and one of her
  168. 6:36:29 PM
  169. &Mishie
  170. oh totally
  171. 6:37:40 PM
  172. &Mishie
  173. But it seems like the trigger is "protag does (or doesn't do) X because they're a mess, roommates complain because X effects them, protag gets worse due to how it effects them, cycle continues"
  174. 6:37:40 PM
  175. &Mishie
  176. With the escalation to the first scene where we see the triggers
  177. 6:38:27 PM
  178. &Mishie
  179. Where Ray has snapped from the stress of it all and is taking it out on the protag, pretty shittily, only for things to get physical and go crazy.
  180. 6:38:41 PM
  181. Marceline
  182. i'm pretty confident their anger was more because it was a useful tool for controlling her than them genuinely being that harmed/upset by her
  183. 6:38:49 PM
  184. Marceline
  185. it's pretty classic abusive behavior
  186. 6:38:57 PM
  187. Marceline
  188. including the escalation over time
  189. 6:39:09 PM
  190. &Mishie
  191. Well I guess if that's how you want to write it.
  192. 6:39:15 PM
  193. Marceline
  194. i should probably come out and say this trigger event drew heavily from personal experience
  195. 6:39:21 PM
  196. &Mishie
  197. But it feels kind of odd when contrasted with the early scene of-
  198. 6:39:25 PM
  199. &Mishie
  200. Yeah okay then
  201. 6:39:30 PM
  202. &Mishie
  203. Uh
  204. 6:39:42 PM
  205. Marceline
  206. every incident mentioned was something that actually happened to me
  207. 6:40:10 PM
  208. &Mishie
  209. Yeah sorry, in that case I'm not really comfortable touching shit because no offense, there's going to be a lot of personal bias, which is totally okay, that's going to get in the way of the actual story itself.
  210. 6:40:27 PM
  211. Marceline
  212. i'm not trying to argue that actually she's a great roommate and her roommates should have appreciated her
  213. 6:40:30 PM
  214. Marceline
  215. but
  216. 6:40:55 PM
  217. Marceline
  218. the stuff they did was still wrong
  219. 6:41:01 PM
  220. &Mishie
  221. oh totally
  222. 6:41:09 PM
  223. Marceline
  224. and completely disproportionate
  225. 6:41:15 PM
  226. Marceline
  227. and made the problem worse
  228. 6:41:20 PM
  229. &Mishie
  230. Honestly I was initially really interested by the idea of two people driving each other to trigger from their shitty behaviour
  231. 6:41:36 PM
  232. Marceline
  233. ray wasn't the one scared of leaving his room
  234. 6:42:09 PM
  235. &Mishie
  236. Yeah I'm just going to bow out, sorry.
  237. 6:42:13 PM
  238. Marceline
  239. yeah
  240. 6:42:21 PM
  241. Marceline
  242. i don't wanna bludgeon you with this
  243. 6:42:37 PM
  244. Marceline
  245. it's just
  246. 6:43:30 PM
  247. &Mishie
  248. All I can really say
  249. 6:43:45 PM
  250. &Mishie
  251. Is that trying to write a trigger about your own experiences feels like asking for trouble.
  252. 6:44:14 PM
  253. Marceline
  254. i mean
  255. 6:44:21 PM
  256. Marceline
  257. there are worse ways to cope with ptsd
  258. 6:45:12 PM
  259. Marceline
  260. for real though this is a project that's as much about wrestling with my own trauma as it is about writing a story
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