Duck Tales/Venture Brothers Quotes Mashups

Scrooge: Webby! Stop riding the Perfect Duck! Donald needs to kill him now.

Huey: Awww, can't we keep him?

Louie: Yeah, can't we?

Dewey: We'll feed the Perfect Duck and clean up after him and everything. Super swear. Please?

Scrooge: No. He's an abomination. Go ahead, nephew. (Donald brandishes his machete and walks towards the Perfect Duck)


>Whatever you do, Huey, don't light a cigarette. A good sniper can see a hot cherry for miles.
>Mrs. Beakley, I don't smoke.
>Good. Now's a lousy time to start.


>Grammy, I've thought a lot about it and if we can't get the antidote in time and it comes down to it, I... well, I want you to be the one to kill me.
>Don't talk like that Webby, we're gonna find...
>PROMISE ME, Grammy!
>Okay.
> Promise?
>Yes, I promise.
>Super-swear?
>YES, Webby.
>Hey, Grammy?
>Yeah?
>How would you do it?
>You're asleep, quick jerk of the neck, never feel a thing.
>You've thought about this.
>Yes, I have.


>"Welcome home, boys! Let's take a look at that sweet loot- ...Where are Bongo, Bombast, and Beauregard?"
>"We went to kidnap the nephews, but the housekeeper was there..."
>"Beakley? Aw, dang... Say no more. Poor babies... *sniffle*"


>"Now, I want you to put your hand around your throat, Huey.''
>"Uhh...alright.''
>"That tube you feel is your trachea. Think of it as a handle. Your thumb is on your carotid artery, that's your button. Now remember, grab the handle, push the button. Repeat that back.''
>"(gasping) Grab the handle, push the...''
>"Let go of your own throat, Huey.''


Priest: "Give me the Beak of Osiris!''
Scrooge: "Give me head.''
Priest: "You didn't just say that!''
Scrooge: "I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it?''
Priest: "I'm... about to kill your nephews.''
Scrooge (and Donald): "Join the club!''


>Why do we have to eat breakfast with your dead guy?
>Quackenstein's been through a lot, Dewey.
>Quackenstein!
>You like that, do ya lad?
>Sure do, Unca Scrooge!
>Good boy, Huey. Dewey, right now Huey is better than you.


Louie: Huey, Dewey, and I just woke up on the floor. We were playing Ouija and a woman hypnotized us.
Donald: (grumbles) Louie?
Louie: With her magical Dracula powers.
Donald: Louie, I'm going to turn around now and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames and the only person who can put you out is me! Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!


Officer: You will be paid handsomely. You and your family will live like kings in the GLORY of the NEW FATHERLAND!
Donald:...wait, you guys are Nazis!


Huey: Are you okay, Uncle Donald?

Dewey: Yeah. Gearloose says you might be insane now and-

Donald: (chuckles) Are you kidding? ...okay, I'm just turning 16 and having a birthday pool party. My uncle invites every girl he knows, and I'm not talking about girls my age. No, not Scrooge. He invites Playboy Bunnies and models and, I think, actual whores - you know, real prostitutes. So there I am in my giant bathing suit with nervous puberty oozing out of my molting feathers. Just, just awful. So, the band suddenly stops playing and I hear "And now the fowl of the hour, Donald Duck!" All eyes on me, right? Then suddenly, almost predictably, Ludwig Von Drake shoots my groin with a shrink ray right as that fucking jackass Emily Quackfaster pulls my shorts down.

Louie: Wow. That's...that's like a nightmare.

Donald: Oh, no! No! What I went through today was "like a nightmare." What happened when I was 16, that...is my life!


Launchpad: Those boys aren't even close to a chip off the old block. They've got guts!
Donald: Excuse me? You don't know me! Why, in my prime I saw some things that would make your head spin.
Launchpad: Yeah, I saw a guy's head spin like right off his neck. Why? Because I punched him. Top that!
Donald: Okay, okay. My uncle made me kill a man - KILL A MAN - with a house key. I was 10.
Launchpad: That's nothing! I ate a whole Labrador retriever once.