zfg forks days up

The day ZFG brought a knife to school and forked some    guy's day up

If ZFG went to school instead of playing OoT for 18 hours a day, he would probably run into a situation along these lines. That was actually highly rhetorical, this is a true story.

ZFG woke up next to Rosa Parks "that was a pretty good fuck, thanks." said ZFG to Rosa Parks. Rosa Parks exclaims "How can Hyrule's Destiny depend on a such a horny boy? Credit to RG" and ZFG rolls into the stump in the middle of his room and resets the story.

ZFG goes outside and waits for the bus, and the bus goes to the bus stop as usual, nothing suspicious here. ZFG gets on and tells Rosa Parks to move her ass to the back, to which she replies "ok."

ZFG plays Zelda's Lullaby and the bus starts moving, and the stalfos start coming (to rosa parks, they were so hard). Finally ZFG makes it to school, and gets a bomb drop from the (Mercury Zelda's) bush on the way in. He makes his way to his first class, Basic Algebra for Dummies 101. Instead of paying attention in class, ZFG plays angry birds ft. cojiro.

Skip all this shit, we get to gym class. He goes to the changing room, where he sees mysterious eggs below the penis.

In gym class, its time for dodgeball, William "Pheenoh" McMeano and Cosbro "Cosbro" Rong are the team captains, and choose their squads. Pheenoh chooses everyone except ZFG, so ZFG gets stuck with Cosbro. <ingx24> u mad xd? says ing, on pheenoh's team.

zfg grabs the ball and it hatches, this is irrelevant to the story. Pheenoh starts the game, and like a true McMeano he whips the dodgeball directly into ZFGs face. reset

ZFG says "ugh im so bad" as he loads up life again. he grabs his bag of cheetos and 3 liter mountain dew and heads back to school. ZFG tries a route change and tries to see if its faster to backwalk to school, he obviously looks like an aspie neckbeard while doing this. So much so that BSR literally calls him one XD kamehameha'd.

ZFG made it to school, losing 3 minutes on his split. Back to gym class, it's rope climbing time. ZFG goes first, its time for him to climb. To help him get motivated, he imagines there to be .txt document of the Zelda Timeline at the top of the rope.

This is it, ZFG's moment to shine. He clenches the rope and immediately gets a boner thinking about the timeline; this is visible through his gym shorts. "Hey, we match!" says ComboKing. ZFG's FGs (zfg fangirls) start giggling, all 1 of them (rosa parks) and he leaves the room in shame.

In the hallway, he runs into a greasy Mexican kid, Jose "Zero" Rodriguez. "Yo holmes, do you want a knife" "ok" "here you go" ZFG imagines this entire exchange, it doesn't actually happen as ZFG is too shy to talk to everyone and anyone.

Zero stabs ZFG and runs away stealing all of his pesos. Luckily, ZFG was wearing his "Halloween Buff Action Link" costume underneath his clothes, so he was able to remain unharmed and keep the knife for himself.

ZFG gets isg but the knife breaks in 8 hits so he has to be careful, hahha jk what am i, an oot nerd? the knife didn't break. Anyway, he goes to his biology class and sits next to this super cute girl. She's 13, so she's a bit older than him, but that didn't stop ZFG. He immediately gets another gym shorts boner and tries to cover it up in the smoothest way possible. "I'm drunk and Elminster photoshopped this boner onto me" ZFG said confidently, knowing he came up with the best save ever. The girl laughs and says "Hi, my name is Siglemic and yes, I am a girl" as she gets a 12.7.

This was ZFG's moment, his time to shine light from his mirror shield, I don't need to finish this sentence, it references OoT and has therefore served its purpose. Not knowing how to interact with a girl, ZFG quickly goes on IRC and asks the most experienced dater on #zelda, bluemarth. "So yeah, I fucked a guy in the ass before" is actually a reference to what follows, bluemarth does this to ZFG. Not the answer he was hoping for, ZFG asks the next most experienced gamer, Enterim, for advice.

<Enterim> What you should do is first find the nearest Starbucks and plug your Mac in so it doesn't run out of battery, this is going to be a long one. I suggest listening to "Deputies of AirForce" an obscure band you've never heard of because it's what I call my Dad when he sings in the shower, while you read what I have to say. Trust me, I am an expert on girls, I've had one girlfriends and talked to at least three girls on the internet, ChocolateLink, MercuryZelda, and this girl I e-banged, katee. Now, when you talk to her, make sure you impress her by talking only about yourself. You have to let her know you are self-important and everybody cares about what you have to say. I suggest starting a small business selling vintage newspapers to amnesia victims to raise a little money, so you have some cash to give her.
<ingx24> guys i fucking hate my life, 10th grade is such frame perfect bullshit
*** ZFG has quit IRC (ping timeout)

"Fuck I lost connection!" exclaims @ZFG, never getting the chance to properly thank Enterim or make fun of +ingx24. The previous sentence couresy of ~Elminster.

ZFG turns to Siglemic, "If I make you an op in my channel, will you like me?" He literally writes this down on paper as he can't figure out what words mean. Siglemic brbs from her 70 practice for pizza, ZFG gets left unanswered.

Not knowing where to turn, ZFG remembers the knife he obtained and says to himself "time to FORK someone's day up" then laughs at his own joke. In a fit of wit, ZFG pretends to dot skip irl before he pulls his knife out, as an homage to OoT. He clips OoB and falls into the void. reset

The next day, ZFG takes a picture of himself and posts it on ZSR forums, this story now fits into the #zelda timeline canon. He takes his (t)rusty knife with him to school. He also brings a fork so he can pull out a fork when he says "I just FORKed your day up, bro" to add a visual effect to the joke he will make when he fucks someone's day up. He then imagines everyone laughing with him and becoming a hero... he is ready.

At school, ZFG meets someone in a grade lower than him, an easy target, Johnathon "Paraxade" P0tter. This was perfect, ZFG already hated Paraxade because he killed SexyZora19 before ZFG could ask her out. "y p0tter y?" exclaimed ZFG, as he got a boner thinking about his crush, "she was the best thing that ever happened to glitching, and because of you she is ded!!1" Paraxade leans back smug and aloof "I am totally going to ban you from all of my IRC channels when mom picks me up from school and I finish eating her special Mac and Cheese (it is actually Velveeta)."

ZFG pulls out the knife and the fork, he's readying the pun as well, and to add dramatic effect, ZFG starts reading lyrics from his favorite song, One Step Closer, by Linkin Park. "Everything you say to me brings me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to ... BREAK your bones. You see, I took this lyric then added my own twist at the end so you can die laughing, literally."

ZFG swings the knife and cuts Paraxade's heart, both literally and metaphorically. "Nice try, but you just activated my trap card! Monster Reborn!" says ingx24, avid p0tter fan, hoping it would bring him back to life. Unfortunately ZFG wanted credit for something he didn't find then took all the credit and because of him p0tter is DEAD!!!!!!!he was the best thing that ever happened to glitches0and0stuff (he's gay) and he ruined it.

To teach a lesson to everyone else in the school, ZFG types a ransom note and leaves it for all to see:

Deer fukrs,

i hope u all learnde u're lessin + u shold no now not 2 mess w/ me. this goes for evry1 except my friends, my heart is oyt 2 u siglemic.

He left a separate note for Sig:

Dear Mario,

Please come to the castle. I've baked a cake for you.
Yours truly, Princess Toadstool
Peach

%Siglemic came back and found the note "you guys are so dumb lol" ~Elminster

the end