A swindler passes by a bird in the stairwell of an apartment

A swindler passes by a bird in the stairwell of an apartment building...


The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace since the forger's apartment had no windows. She was carrying some rolled up paper on which her owner had written the perfect end to his prized short story, what's delivery was a mission of utmost importance.
You see, the forger was very proud of this story's ending as it unabashedly mocked the last two novellas in a complete collection written by his far more successful literary rival, Condolyssa Blackburn, who had worked to expose the forger's dishonesty by high-hatting his private dealings in said novellas, of which the forger grew thirsty for revenge. This same short story would later assist the forger in framing her for a homicide.
So, the swindler in the stairwell knew of the forger's vulture, but he hated birds and went about swatting and cursing at her for flying around in the building. Though, little did the swindler realize that there was a third crook who had been hiding in the shadows of the stairwell above him. As the swindler rounded the corner and came into view, the young thief named Khan had already lept from the banister one floor up behind the swindler as he planned to knock the swindler down and take his money.
As was indicative of his inexperience, young Khan did not notice the vulture until after he lept from the banister as he was too busy marking the swindler to notice the large bird flying past him on it's way down. The sight of the dutiful bird had caused the swindler to stop and swat and curse, which completely negated Khan's calculated leap, so as he fell toward where the swindler would have been had it not been for the vulture, he joined the swindler in cursing wildly at the bird because she had single-wingedly ruined his plan.
Khan's midair cursing fit caught the attention of the swindler who sighted him, and since Khan was quite green and merely half his age, the swindler immediately began talking down to him, attempting to illustrate how feeble and worthless his attempt to swindle a swindler. Yet, as the swindler turned to continue his ascent upstairs, his pride had hindered him from noticing that Khan had successfully picked the wallet from his back pocket.
Thus, Khan's incredibly embarrassing, albeit successful, incident is now humorously referred to among his fellow con men as the "greatest con ever botched," which is far less mentally demanding than what it was formerly referred to as, which was the "condescending conned ascending con dissenting condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes ending condescending Khan's descending on dissenting conned ascending con dissenting condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes sending condescending Khan descending condescending condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes ending condescending conned ascending con's dissenting on dissenting condor-sending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes sending condescending conned ascending con's dissenting condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes on descending condescending Khan's descending" con.
inspired by /u/slicedclemetines/ et al...


=================explanation================================


[–]shigglesmcwhigley [S] 306 points 1 year ago
I'm honored to see this thread reach the top all-time spot on /r/WordAvalanches!
As such (as well as promised), please enjoy this nifty clarification (I got progressively lazy with my translation, but there is a TLDR at the bottom for those of you who understand what that's like):
#1 — condescending conned ascending con dissenting
The con ("confidence man", in this case, the swindler) is first described by three adjectives (kind of like "the noisy big blue truck") condescending because he is criticizing the bird [#3], conned because he is eventually conned by Khan, and ascending because he is in the process of going up[stairs]. The verb dissenting illustrates that the swindler is currently at odds with the bird [#3] and is expressing his difference of opinion with.
NOTE: at the time of the swindler's ascending upstairs (before he had even encountered Khan), he would have been described as the "soon-to-be-conned ascending con," but since Khan's fellow conmen nicknamed the incident by referring to it as it happened in the past, the past tense is used with the word conned.
#2 — condor-sending condescending con's
Describes the bird [#3] as being owned by another con (confidence man, in this case, the forger, also same as [#4]), who is described by two adjectives, condor-sending because he sent a condor and condescending because he criticizes Condolyssa in his novella's ending [#5].
#3 — descending condor sending
"descending condor (which is the forger's condor) which is currently descending down[stairs], and is in the process of sending her master's parcel [#5] to the publisher"
#4 — condor-sending condescending con's
Same as [#2], only the word "con's" describes the forger's ownership of his novella's ending [#5] instead of the bird [#3].
#5 — dissenting conte's ending condescending
the adjective dissenting describes the ending of the forger's novella (or "conte") (perhaps the ending paragraph or ending chapter) because it takes a position against what Condolyssa [#6] wrote [#7]. Condescending is used to illustrate that the conte's ending takes a spiteful or mocking stance toward Condolyssa's [#6] writings [#7].
#6 — con-dissenting Condi's
(I'm getting lazy now) con-dissenting is a noun-gerund adjective like "spot-checking", Condi's illustrates possession of her writings [#7].
#7 — ending condescending contes ending
Condolyssa's condescending contes (which are located at the end[ing] of her collection of short stories) put an end[ing] to [#8].
#8 — condescending Khan's descending on
the descending of Khan (who is now condescending the bird) toward [#9].
#9 — dissenting conned ascending con dissenting
"the swindler, who is dissenting the bird [#10]"
NOTE: this is the same as [#1], only the first word is changed to fit the meter.
#10 — condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes
(Go-Go-Gadget laze!) "the bird ([#2]—[#7])"
#11 — sending condescending Khan descending condescending
"which provokes the angry Khan to curse at the bird [#12] which sends Khan (who is described as being condescending) condescending the bird while he descends"
#12 — condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes
"the bird ([#2]—[#7])"
#13 — ending
"[#12] putting and end[ing] to [#14]"
#14 — condescending conned ascending con's dissenting on
"the swindler's verbal assault on [#15]"
#15 — dissenting condor-sending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes
"the bird"
NOTE: The only difference here is that the words on dissenting differ from (but sound very similar to) the first word used in [#4]—[#8] (condescending). On is a preposition that illustrates what the swindler's verbal assault was directed toward and dissenting describes the forger as being at odds with something (Condolyssa's nasty contes).
#16 — sending
"which then directs (or sends)"
#17 — condescending conned ascending con's dissenting
"the swindler's verbal assault on"
#18 — condor-sending condescending con's descending condor sending condor-sending condescending con's dissenting conte's ending condescending con-dissenting Condi's ending condescending contes
"the bird"
#19 — on descending condescending Khan's descending"
"toward criticizing Khan for his failed attempt to descend upon him"
#20 — con.
"trick/swindling/dupe."
It's a cause-and-effect train. The swindler stopped ascending up the staircase and started cursing at the forger's vulture, which ended Khan's descent on the swindler because the swindler stopped short of the mark. Noticing that his attempt had failed, the descending Khan began to curse at the vulture for ruining his plan. Khan's cursing caught the ear of the swindler who then directed his verbal assault from the vulture toward criticizing Khan instead for being such a noob (Haduken).
TLDR: It was known (by the laymen conmen) as the swindler-dissenting-forger's-vulture-ending-Khan's-descent-on-swindler-sending-Khan-condescending-vulture-ending-swindler's-dissenting-the-vulture-directing-swindler's-dissenting-toward-Khan's-failed-descent con.
/u/Hedgehogs4me/ /u/baru_monkey /u/PM_ME_YOUR_NUDE_LEGS/ /u/Negro-Amigo /u/Albino_Smurf/
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