MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:36 AM
Amelia is Cadell
Its better than I thought
But its still
Its still
mn
Loki - Today at 3:42 AM
Sorry, I was cleaning to clear my mind a little
Amelia is Cadell?
They aren't someone different?
I saw a comment on Cadell's page, and it threw that thought off for me
Hold on, lemme find it again
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:43 AM
Yeah it
Just
Cadell was extremely lonely
Loki - Today at 3:43 AM
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/340611316366704640/348597924759863298/unknown.png

MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:43 AM
He
He would pretend to be different people
because he was so alone
to seem more
wanted
Loki - Today at 3:43 AM
When I saw that, I didn't know if it meant it was a separate person, or if yeah, he was pretending
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:43 AM
this just changes everything
even  like
when i read those cmments
i can tell its both cadell
immediately
and i can tell that there is so much desolation and so much loneliness and pain
and honestly
this makes snese
why he would do this
because when i was a liar
i needed an indirect way of coming out
I did the samething
in a different way
to him
my  heart hurts
My heart hurts for me and for him
Loki - Today at 3:46 AM
I see
Did Cadell come online yesterday?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:47 AM
No
He admitted he panicked
Loki - Today at 3:47 AM
But Amelia did
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:47 AM
"Amelia"
Its Cadell
Loki - Today at 3:47 AM
I know
That's the thing
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:47 AM
Part of the reason I immediately knew that Amelia was Cadell was
Loki - Today at 3:47 AM
And what did "Amelia" do?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:47 AM
and this
really like
backs up my emotions
its because Amelia from the beginning
has shown this
ridiculous idolization of me
Like
Amelia adooooooooored me
Loki - Today at 3:48 AM
I knew that was weird
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:48 AM
and I could feel it
Yesterday was yesterday
I understand, he was probably just panicking and he needed to get away
which is again
Loki - Today at 3:48 AM
I didn't know if it was my Envy, like, just, driving into me, or if something was wrong
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:48 AM
understandable
Loki - Today at 3:48 AM
But it was still weird either way
But like
The thing that is getting to me
Is, like, what was Cadell's true motive behind "Amelia"
?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:49 AM
That's easy
Loki - Today at 3:49 AM
Was it to get you two to contact him?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:49 AM
He wanted to save the relationship
It was a way for him to stop running away
I understand why he did it
And really
It makes me respect him a bit more
Becausel ike
In a way
he faced it himself
Loki - Today at 3:50 AM
Okay, then why did "Amelia" not disappear after you two started speaking again?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:50 AM
one of the reasons-- Oh, well probably because Cadell thought he would lose me
Loki - Today at 3:50 AM
Why did you speak to "Amelia" yesterday, and deal with the bullshit "Amelia" said?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:50 AM
because the immediate disappearing would have
sparked my suspicions
Loki - Today at 3:50 AM
About how they would do things with you? About their ex?
You questioned why anyone would say that to you
And so did I
But now that we know that "Amelia" is Cadell
Why?
Why would he do that?
Why would he do that to you as "Amelia," and then not show up later? You said he admitted that he panicked, okay, but that still doesn't account for what "Amelia" said and did
Was he trying to get you to push "Amelia" away?
Was he trying to use the ex to keep "Amelia" busy?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:53 AM
Yes
He spoke badly of Amelia too
Loki - Today at 3:54 AM
But why didn't he come clean with "Amelia" like he did with the rest?
Why not, just, come completely clean?
Wouldn't it have been easier to understand then?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:54 AM
Because he felt like it would have been too late Loki
You can't understand unless you were a liar
Loki - Today at 3:55 AM
It's just
The thing that is bothering me the most
I just don't understand it
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 3:57 AM
I do.
You don't need to
You're silent.
Loki - Today at 3:59 AM
I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind
Trailing and chaining into other thoughts
Loki - Today at 4:00 AM
And, I just feel it's better to keep them to myself, because I don't want to make the situation worse, or I don't want to try and open up another "can of worms," as they say
I don't understand it, and I don't have to; that's pretty much the end of it
And no, I'm not using this to hide my emotions either, because I again feel everything, yet nothing
I just don't know
But it'll be fine
I just, don't want to make things worse than they already are; that's all
I'm here to help you, not hurt you
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:04 AM
I know you have another trail of thoughts
And I'm sure its not your fault
But I'm going to snap you in half if you judge Cadell's moral character
I can't explain why I'm so viciously protective right now
Loki - Today at 4:05 AM
I'm not judging that dear
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:05 AM
But its probably because the way he admitted, he showed so much weakness and so much
i just
Loki - Today at 4:06 AM
As I said, my mind is trailing and chaining into a lot  of different directions, with a lot of different timelines  and reactions
That's why, I just kept it to myself, because it's just my mind doin its thing
Thinking of every possible outcome
And there's no reason to point it out
And actually say what every single trail/chain is about, because it's just, random shit that more than likely isn't true or, fuck what's the word
Justifiable? No, something along those lines
I dunno, but, as I said, it's because I don't fully understand it, and you're right, I don't have to
And that's why I felt it was best to keep it to myself, because I don't want to instill thoughts that are more than likely not true/justifiable
Simply because that's just, what my mind does when I don't understand something
It's not that I am judging him or his character, or that I hate/dislike him, I'm just in a state of trying to process and understand what's happening
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:10 AM
You may think that I'm being overly forgiving
Loki - Today at 4:10 AM
And I do understand why you are being protective, and that's perfectly fine
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:10 AM
but let me assure you
if Amelia was his sister
I would have had a very different reaction
Loki - Today at 4:10 AM
I can understand that, yeah
That's why I just, let my mind trail/chain without me saying anything more
Because I knew you reacted as you did for a reason
Cadell is online; are you speaking with him?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:11 AM
Yes
Loki - Today at 4:11 AM
Okay; hopefully it goes well
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:11 AM
And again
if anyone attacks him for this
Loki - Today at 4:12 AM
I know dear, and no one will
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:12 AM
Sef might
I know he's protective
Loki - Today at 4:12 AM
He won't
He won't if we both tell him not to
And we both are pretty much telling him not to
But, focus on Cadell; I'll be here if you need me
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:14 AM
I'm just trying to say
That his way of doing this
even if you may not
understand
in terms of him taking responsibility for his actions
its more telling
of the fact he DID want to save this relationship
Amelia is the one who sparked my paranoia to ridiculous bounds
i would have been paranoid regardless
but he
Cadell went in
intentionally trying to sabatoge himself
Loki - Today at 4:17 AM
I'm slowly understanding, I just need to try and process it, and the trailing/chaining is how my mind processes it, hence why I just kept it in
You understand far better than I ever could, so I trust you, and know that you react as you do for a reason
And I understand why you are being protective and you are explaining things
So, it's all fine with me; things just need to be worked through still, and they will be, in time(edited)
No one is going to attack him; not me, not Sef, no one
So, there's no need to worry about that, or me; I'll fully understand at some point
As I said, focus on Cadell; you both have a lot to work through, and need to spend a lot of time working on that
I'll be here if you need me; I have some work I can catch up on
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:41 AM
okay
there's a lot of layers that make sense now
Loki - Today at 4:41 AM
Oh?
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:41 AM
Talking more to him
Yeah
Uhm
I promised i wouldn't tell but
Loki - Today at 4:41 AM
Then don't
MyEmeraldTears - Today at 4:41 AM
I understand a lot more now
I understand a lot fucking more
Loki - Today at 4:42 AM
I see; if you promised not to tell, then by all means, don't
I trust that you understand more, and that you will use that understanding to move forward as best you can