Practice/improve these bits

Material to sort through for a 5 minute open mic:

Crocodile Math (20 seconds)
Peeing in the shower (10 seconds)
Depressed and fat (10 seconds)
Spelling borrow STEAL (15 seconds)
Borrowing clothes from small friends (20 seconds)
Question consumption (15 seconds)
Give a man a fish (10 seconds)
Vegetarian spitting (15 seconds)
Stand up Skamedy (15 seconds)
Training for Olympics (15 seconds)
Died doing what he loved (15 seconds)
Five year plan (10 seconds)
(3 minutes so far)
Neo con (10 seconds)
Buying Sudafed (1 minute)
No time for anything/playing video games 6 hours (30 seconds)
Blackpeoplemeat (30 seconds)
Woodie allen 80% is showing up (20 seconds)
Slick one liner drop mic (20 seconds)
Change password to how to ride a bike, username to elephant (20 seconds)
I didn’t do my taxes this year because I was kind of banking on the government being overthrown. (10 seconds)
Penn Station B-E-D spells BEN (20 seconds)
Banned from wow (30 seconds)
Jesus wolverine origin story (30 seconds)
Poof my arms are gone (15 seconds)
Sit on hand pat on back (20 seconds)
My friend is haunted/stoner ghost girl (1 min)
Drug screening/wasted 3 months (30 sec)
My brother and the movie Taken (30 sec)
Scott Meadows and I work 7 hrs for $400 (30 sec)
37 kicks/54 punches/horse stood idly by (1 min)
Recommending shit not on Netflix (30 sec)
Instant Queue vs Recently Viewed (30 sec)
Texting yolo while driving/irony laden death (30 sec)
Filmed in front of a blank studio audience (brain dead, racist, loud/vivacious/fabulous) (1 min)
My sister’s baby and pot (30 sec)
Smoke pack/shoot up all my heroin (30 sec)
New comedians/hoverboard/talking animal sidekick (30 sec)
Met my mom online (30 sec)
No means no course (30 sec)
Best foot forward but both my feet kinda suck (10 sec)
Man handler/pan handler bum/nice bum homeless dating (30 sec)
Man he sure drinks a lot…(30 sec)
Take rage out on future children/not a complainer (30 sec)
Friends criticize my jokes (1 min)

Open Mic order:
1. Training for Olympics (15)
2. Vegetarian Spitting (15)
3. Give a man a fish (15)
4. Poof my arms are gone (30)
5. Peeing in the shower (15)
6. spelling borrow STEAL (15)
7. Died doing what he loved (15)
8. Change password to how to ride a bike (30)
9. Question Consumption (15)
10. No time/video games 6 hrs a day (30)
11. Banned from WoW (30)
12. Being depressed and fat (30 sec)
13. Five year plan (15)
14. Wood allen (15)
15. Crocodile Math (30)
16. Origin story/wolverine/hughjackwoman (30)