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- One day, when I was sick and tired of masturbating to that good ol' CP, I decided to take a break from /b/ and play some Minecraft! But before I start telling the rest of the story, I have two things to say:
- 1. If you read this, you will die.
- 2.I pirated minecraft from a website called strange.com
- 3. If you go to a town located high in a misty mountain, far from any trace of civilization, you will find a toilet. Inside this toilet, you will find approx. 1 gallon's worth of seminal fluid. You MUST drink about 3 liters of this fluid.... or else, they will get you. After drinking this fluid, you will have enlightened knowledge of the world.
- So after starting up Minecraft, I decided to go on a cracked server (meaning that I can access the server in question without having to use an official account.)
- As I was typing in the server name, I took a quick glance at my keyboard and noticed that my f1 key was covered in a strange grime that I had never seen before. My f2 key was also looking strange. My f3 key was fine. I had brioken off my f4 key earlier after eating some peanut butter with cocaine mixed into it. My f5 key looked okay. My f6 key was cracked, almost in half. My f7 key was okay. my f8 key was fine, too. Come to think of it, there was nothing wrong with my f9,f10, or f11 keys. But, my f12 key was flipped upside down! This really scared me, and I wet myself. The crack hooker sucking my erect penis vomited. Anyhow, the rest of my keyboard was fine except for those keys....
- After connecting to this cracked survival server, I was met with a completely black, marshy swamp. I decided to walk around, and before long, I saw a creeper. I hit it with my sword a few times, and it died. But instead of flashing red and dissapearing like creepers usually do, it's head came off. Hyper-realistic gore spewed out of its neck, and I could see its eyes looking at me. They were real eyes...
- Anyhow, after the creeper died, I could tell that something wasn't right. Suddenly, I got a message from a user named kcocruoy: "Don't turn around." I decided to turn around in the game anyways, and I saw a bunch of glowstone flashing in the distance. It was binary code for 'you're going to die' (I learned binary code at summer camp last year). Then, a link appeared in the chat, once again from 'Kcocruoy'. It linked to something called... The Grifter, Luckily, I'm a sociopath, so I didn't get scared when I watched it. But if I wasn't, I would have died. The video file exists somewhere on the TOR client websites to this day, I know it....
- Anyways, I chopped down some of the trees in the swamp and made a house. As I was making the house, I kept hearing something bang from my IRL closet. I paused the game,and decided to go check it out. What I saw was a little girl, with piercing black eyes. She screamed, and then vanished. Needless to say, this unnerved me a little, but nonetheless, I kept playing Minecraft.
- Several IRL hours passed, an I began to notice a strange sort of mob spawning far off in the distance. I knew they weren't endermen, but they strongly resembled them. The only difference was that their skin was flesh colored instead of black and their eyes glowed hyper-realistically. Suddenly, a scream bellowed out of my speakers, even though they were unplugged. I could barely discern the words that came out:
- "I AM GOD".
- An image of a dead boy who I recognized from a newspaper article about a missing dead boy appeared on my screen. The game subsequently flashed back to regular old MC, and I got another message from Kcocruoy: "Do you like my newest creation?"
- I tried to get up from the computer at this point, only to find out that I had been paralyzed to the chair. The crack hooker that I had spent Tyrone's rent money on had long since left the room, and I was left with nothing but my own, floppy penis and a vague sense of boredom....
- I nearly screamed when I heard a loud, bloodcurdling scream emerge from my front yard. As I went over to the window, I took note of the fact that my floor was slightly dirtier than how I had left it. For one, there were a few banana peels too many and more chip bags than I had ever seen in my life. Also, my fedora was missing from the hook on the back wall.
- Anyways, when I looked out the window, I found it to be extremely dirty, as if someone who breathed grease and raw sperm had put their mouth over it. As I looked out into the yard, I saw it.... Kcocruoy's minecraft avatar was running across my yard! And, he was wearing my fedora! There was hyper-realistic blood running down the side of his avatar as he ran, and I felt the top of my head, only to feel blood... my scalp was gone....
- Suddenly, a dark boom rang from the sky, and everything started turning into Minecraft blocks, even me. I had metamorpese'd into my own avatar.
- "ROBERT!" bellowed a strange voice from beyond the veil. "I AM THE GHOST OF EBONY DARK NESS DEMENTIA AND YOU HAVE BEEN TELEPORTED INTO THE WORLD OF MINECRAFT!!! YOU MUSTETH DEFEAT MY BRETHEREN, WHO IS DUBETH HEROBRINE IN BATTLE BEFORE YOU PART FROM THIS REALM OF TORMENT!" The scary thing is- I had never typed my real name into the computer. How the voice knew my name is beyond my comprehension.
- A diamond sword suddenly emerged from my urethra, and I remembered the earlier hooker session where she had stuck it up there to keep me from prematurely ejaculating whilst she blowed me. I took its sliminess in one hand, and leaped from the window. Before the battle could continue, however, I fell into a world of infinite darkness. Strange faces leered from the darkness, faces with large lips and foul smelling breath. The laughed at my futile attempts to retain my sanity in strange, alien tongues....
- Yet one of them was oddly familiar.
- At this point,I was extremely scared, so I decided to post my experience to r/creepy.
- After posting my experience to reddit, the face awakened to say "Yo yo yo my nigga, I be keepin it straight gangsta al up in this bitch".
- "T-Tyrone?!" I said in breathless astonishment.
- "Damn straight nigga. You paid the rent, or what?"
- "Tyrone" I pleaded. "You have to, have to, get me out of here!"
- "Not till you've paid the rent, nigga,"
- "Tyrone.... I spent the rent on a crack hooker."
- "Nigga, you WHAT?" The face began to contort into impossible geometric shapes, and I awoke, covered in what seemed to be pig feces. An avatar with unseeing, white eyes gazed unfeelingly into my own.
- "You're not much of a fighter, I see.." Suddenly, Tyrone appeared behind him. He thrust his 9mm glock into his face and began to fire rapidly. Herobrine fell over in a spaghetti like heap of his own hyper-realistic blood and gore, his ass thoroughly capped.
- "Come on nigga, we gots to make bank to pay off dat rent". We left the horrible realm, and teleported to a safer place, far away...
- Police found the deceased body of Christian Weston Chandler in his home, apparently dead from having had hundred dollar bills forcibly inserted into his rectum. If you don't make bank and send the money to a strange, misty town located in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, I will get you.
- Don't turn around, I'm too busy fuckin' yo bitch to kill your sorry white ass.
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