dreams?

I dream a lot. More often than I'd like.

It seems unusual, yeah? That one would want to avoid their dreams instead of embrace them? It would be nicer if my dreams were an escape.

But they're not.

I don't know if I'd call them nightmares, as terror is a very rare fixture of them. They are much more often exercises in frustration, replaying daytime worries on loop.

I'll dream that Nina is crying, or that Elis has asked me a simple favor, or that I am on a mission for the sept. Rarely is anything major at stake. But, on and on, no matter how much I try, no matter how easy the thing I've been asked to do is, I'll just fail and fail and fail. If I'm asked to grab something, I'll drop it and it'll roll away. I try to strike the wyrmbeast and it flits out of reach, over and over. Nothing can be simple.

I wonder what it's like to have dreams of freedom and flying.

The worst are when the dreams tear open fresh wounds through forcing me to revisit obsessive thoughts. Not through fear, but through insidious suggestion.

Finally thinking I've escaped some mental loop, I'll fall asleep to find it placed into the spotlight again. I'll remember a time where I was unsure if I'd made my proper introduction to a Sept, my mind latching on to the possibility that I've committed some great offense, where no amount of consoling or reassuring will diminish it. Only time and mental exhaustion make it quiet down... at least, until I have a dream of the Nation turning its back on me because I missed a howled note.

But I guess it could be worse. I've heard of people with gut-wrenching night terrors, I greatly feel for them. I may not have fantastical dreams, but some certainly are interesting more than they are frustrating. Just wish that they outnumbered the unpleasant ones.