Thread 23: Stories 61-75

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>Bat-Mom
"Dadling"
'Twilight'
~~~~

>Oh thank goodness!

"She ate the furniture. I'm not even joking. Ran around the apartment screaming "WHAT DO I DOOOOOO!?" and biting the couch."

'You shouldn't do that, stress is never a good thing to have in your condition.'

"Oh, don't worry, I stopped her and gave her some stress relief before it lasted too long."

'...'

"...Had to pin her down because she kept-"

>DEAR!

'Well, you can rest a little easier. Every vital seems fine, I still can't see it but the baby seems fine, everything is coming out fine.'

"Awww.."

>...

"...I mean, Yay!... Wait, I DO mean yay, that's not a... huh... I want safe-baby time more than cuddle-time... my life has taken a weird turn."

>...You have a lot of glitter in your hair.

'IT WON'T COME OUT NO MATTER WHAT I DOOOOOOO!'

>...Thank's for coming back, Princess Twilight.

'Yeah... well... I'm taking it slow with the science stuff, but...'

>Slow is fine.

"..."

>Dear, stop staring.

"It's like a tiny disco ball."
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>Chitania
"Party-train riders"
~~~~~

>...Is this train ever going to arrive?

As if on cue, a mysterious sound sound started coming up over the horizon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Zbi0XmGtMw

>...W-... what the fuck?

A saccharine sounding voice rang out as the garish, rainbow colored train pulled up to the station.

"ALL ABOARD FOR SAN FRANCISCOLT!"

>... Fine.

"WOOO!"

>...This is probably going to end up alright-

~~~~~~~

Curled up in the closet, the once great Titan Queen rocked back and forth, her hooves pressed tightly to her ears

>MAKE IT STOOOOOP!

"The Partytrian is rolling, And everybody's jumping New Trot to San Fransiscolt, the worlds greatest disco!"

>MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
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>Applejack
"Pinkie"
~~~
>Pinkie, we need ta have a serious talk-

"Did you just really use my name and serious in the same sentence? I'm not even supposed to be here right now! I'm supposed to be with Sombra and Shiny at my family's rock farm!"

>Well ya'll wanted to be popular, so now ya git ta be in two places at once like Wolverine.

"I hate Wolverine! Origins and Last Stand sucked!"

>Days o' Future Past is pretty good.

"Because it's not a Wolverine movie, it's a Charles Xavier movie."

>Well, back on topic, as Ah understand, you an' Cheese 'ave been buildin' an' rebuildin' Partyland wit'out much trouble due ta keepin' caches o', well... anythin' an' everything 'cross tha whole damn planet.

"To be fair, our money caches originally belonged to mobsters and pirates, Cheesey and I ended up claiming them since the original owners were long dead. Pfft... Pirate curse. How silly."

>Anyway though, now 'fore all this, the economy was troubled, then, it was fine, now its in trouble again 'cause apparently tha two o' you have enough stashed resources an' have been usin' them in such huge bursts ya'll 're causin' inflation!

"How does that work? The resources get destroyed anyway?"

>Jus' 'cause ya'll break a rock don' mean ya can' make use o' tha gravel.

"Ouch, beaten at my own game. Alrighty, what do you need?"

>Jus' hire some professional help, use some o' those cash caches ta pay employees, get professional land surveyors, that sort o' thing. Do thing's that'll help equalize tha economy you an' Cheese 'ave been makin' crazy as yerselves!

"Can do! ... By the way, should I get 29 to look at these vengeful pirate spirits haunting Cheese and I with badluck?"

>Ah wouldn' worry 'bout that too much but cain' hurt ta err on tha side o' caution.

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Takes place while Twilight's still airheaded
Non-canon
>Chrysalis
"Spike"
'Gaffer'
-8-bit-
~Twilight~
~~~
>I... but she... I mean... WHY?!

'I shouldn't have looted the body...'

"Fuck you, gaffer, seriously, you should know better than to do that in a twilight game!"

-My... My new wrestling paladin...-

~He, like totally is incubating the boreworm in his chest!~

Airhead!Twilight rolls the die

~Oh! Congratulations! It hatched! Your totally a mommy now! And your baby's all orphaned and stuffed because you're dead!~

>Fuck you, twilight, you're supposed to be fun like this! Now I need a new succubus!
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Non-canon
>Chrysalis
"Shining Armor"
[Spike]
~~~
[Hey, Chrysalis, ready for another game of DnD?]

>Yeah yeah, but you guys, Twilight and I started the most awesome thing on this Internet she invented. I mean forums are available, but she told me the most awesome thing: what if, and just hear me out, what we made a roleplayer forum that doesn't require rules or dice rolls! Just consensus! Isn't it awesome? We've got a science fiction one going that takes place in this cyberpunk world and- why are you looking at me like that?

"... F-Freeform RP?"

>What's wrong with that?

[... I'm sorry Chrysalis, you're no longer welcomed here.]

>But my sexbot assassin hack-

"I don't want to hear anymore... and to think, Twily does Freeform RP too? i... I need some time alone."

[Me too... I need happier thoughts... I'm gonna talk to 32]

"You guys! come back! It's fun! We don't need dice rolls and stats! ... My sexbot works for free..."
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>18
"42"
'Guard'
~~~~~

>IT'S ALIVE I TELL YOU! IT'S-

*SLAM!*

>...42, no! Don't hide in the paperwork, it will devour you!

"What?"

>Nothing. Why are you hiding?

"Her highness is acting... weird. Very, very weird."

>...

"...Oh! I do not know if you have heard yet, Twilight Sparkle has come down from her glamor high, and is acting normal once again"

>Awww, I was enjoying that, it was funny. How'd she get back?

"No idea, haven't gotten the chance to ask. Was watching the Hive while 77 took his beau out on a date."

>...You think the two are connected? Chrysalis and Twilight?

"...Nahhh... couldn't be..."

>...

"...C-could it?"

>...Time to go take your gun club membership for a 'free infodump', I think.

"Oh! One more punches and I get a free "Exposition-fest"!"

>Aww, I'm barely up to 'vague warnings' with my paperwork rewards card! Lucky!

"You could always join us."

>No no, I am destined to sit here, at the paperwork. Toiling away until my chitin feels as if it were made of rubber, waiting... waiting for the day Shiny comes up to me, says "I think you deserve a special birthday present"... bends me over the desk... pushes me face... down...

"...Y-yeah?"

>...Did you want me to keep going?

"N-NO! NOT AT ALL! NOT EVEN A LITTLE! OH! INFO! NEED INFO BECAUSE PUNCHCARDHAHAHA REMEMBER THAT JOKE I THINK I'LL GO GET IT HAHAHAHAHA WELL WHATEVERBYE18!"

*BACK THE FUCK OUT THE DOOR!*

>...Shatterhoof!

'Yes, Ma'am?'

>Have the maids come up in an hour... momma's going to good places with this...

'...I'll tell them to bring the rug shampoo.'

>I thank you, now shut that door... and let me imagine this paperwork up close and personal.
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>Crystal Bureaucrat.
----
>Why do these forms smell like they were used as padding for several orgies?

>Oh, must have been misfiled from last week's group, silly me.
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>Potatojack
"SS"
~~~~

>Mrmphmmrm

"Oh whew, I thought you were going to pelt me with another pine cone."

>Mphmgm murmghph

"A new game? Sure, what is it?"

>Mrmmrmemph

"Bombardment? That sounds fun. What are the rules?"

PJ raises a dodge ball and swallows her potato.
>Duck or die! Bombardment!
Throws the ball and hits SS in the forehead.

"AH!"

>Bombardment!

"Hey!"

>Bombardment!

"Ooph!"

>Bombardment!

"Hey, I dodge it!"

>Great, keep it up. Bombardment!

"Gugh!"
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>CB
"Assistant"
~~~

"Sir, you ever think he's actually... you know, doing her? This isn't the first time this happened."

>First, he's away and as far as I know has no teleporting dick. Second, this ledger here? This massive list?

"Yeah?"

>That's all the stuff she deals with PER-DAY. My favorite assistant, I'll be blunt. If she wants a hard rutting in exchange for her work, I will never hold it against the prince for thinking it's an amazing deal.

"..."

>...Kind of wish someone would offer ME-

"No."

>DAMN!
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>DT
"Filthy Rich"
~~~~

>But DAAAAAAAD!

"No buts, missy! You are NOT ordering the special ignition crystal compounds from the Empire, it costs a fortune!"

>But it's the only catalyst that will remain stable long enough to prevent any blast from going off prematurely in TBDRLIATU!

"What's wrong with the ground up sun-stone?"

>It doesn't have nearly the blast radius or heat!

"You do not need a megaton explosion that strong!"

>YES I DO!

"No you do not!"

>We can afford it, we're rich now!

"We were always rich, it's in my name."

>But now we're REALLY rich!

"I said no!"

>YOU NEVER LET ME DO WHAT I WANT!

*Tears off in a fit of noisy tears.*

"...Oh, the trouble with being a parent. But, alas, all fathers have to deal with their daughters inevitable desire for heavy munitions. Such is the way of life."

*BOOOM!*

"No polishing the rocket launcher in the house!"

>IT MAKES ME HAPPY! DO YOU HATE MY HAPPINESS NOW TOO!? HUH!?

"...Sigh."

*BOOOM!*

"...I'm going to put some brownies on."
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>SA
"Sombra"
'Pinkie'

~~~~~

'And that's my cousin Bellaticia Pie and my cousin Fredarick von Pie and oooh my Great aunt Matilda!'

"Quite a family you have here Pinkie."

>Yeah I didn't know you had so many relatives. Ouch! How the hay do I have welts on my hooves? I was flailing them in the air!

'Yepparooni! I have tons of relatives, were no where near the Apples but we've got quite a few!'

>I wish I had a slightly larger family, I always wanted to have cousins. OUCH! That's it I need to get off these hooves. Pinkie can you please take me somewhere to get patched up?

'Okie Doki Loki!'

"Pinkie, before you go with Shining. Where can I hope to find your sister?"

'Umm... I think she'd be in my Daddy Pie's old office. It's in the store house just to the left.'

"Thank you Pinkie, I really appreciate this."

'That's what friends are for!'

"I hope your pain is soon alleviated Shining."

>Yeah me too~OUCH!

Sombra smiled and began to float towards the storehouse. The first step of this journey was nearly complete. So why did he feel nothing but dread.
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>Da na na... da na na... does whatever a... why does that song give me bad flashbacks?

"Because your mind is only partially there, and the part that is there isn't overly fantastic."

>Pfft, did you really walk your big sunny ass down to the Empire to insult my intelligence? Need to feel that much better about yourself, do you?

"Stop staring at my ass, others are starting to question your sexuality."

>You've caught me, I'm after you royals. Your sister is next.

"Oh my, could you imagine?"

>"But we are both mares! How are we meant to produce offspring!?"

"Mine lineage cannot be betwixt with a Changeling! Our royal bloodline would falter!"

>"At least not with that damned Queen keeping my pederasty in check!"

Thump!

"She's not a pedophile."

>Not with me around she isn't.

"...So, what are you watching?"

>'This love is real love 5: No seriously, it's real.'

"Oh, shoot. I missed 4."

>They got together at the end.

"SPOILERS!"

>...So, I guess this means we're not going to be having a daring aerial battle anytime soon?

"Quite the opposite. You were pushed fairly far back there... but you did the right thing, and now my student is at last no longer trying to glam my hooves."

>Shoot, I had the perfect spot for it too.

"Maybe someday."

>...Want to go do something crazy again?

"Just the two of us?"

>Shoot, you're right. Has to be three... Let's go grab Twilight.

"Oh?"

>You've caught me, I'm attempting to make Shiny jealous so he'll stop trying to talk us out of it.

"I can see it now... "With my Sister!? I thought what we had was special!?"

>It's okay, make-up crazy is best crazy. You in?

"...Sure, I could use some fun in my life."

>Great. I'm going to steal Rarity's crown this time.

"She doesn't have a..."

>...

"...You bitch."

>QUEEN bitch, and don't you forget it.
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>2
"Arana"
'???'
~~~~~

>ARRY! Arry I need ya' real quick!

"What?"

>Look, the dolly I made with Caddy got her sock ripped, so I need another one.

"What's a sock?"

>The foot trap thing.

"Those are deadly weapons, designed to render ponies helpless while I descend on them and bite them! Sucking out all the... all... HRRRK!'

>Ya' okay?

"Fine... just thinking about bl- HRRK!"

>...Sooo... can I getta' foot trap? I'll just pretend her foots caught in a snare or somthin'.

"Well... alright, but remember, they're dangerous!"

>Kay.

"Isn't your Queen going to be mad you keep seeing me?"

>Not-Mom says ta' stay away from you, but Shiny said it's fine and Shiny's got Daddy clearance and Daddy clearance over-rides Not-mom clearance, accordin' to Caddy.

"Ooooh, yeah, that makes sense-"

'WILL YA'LL PLEASE NOT DO THIS HERE!?'

>Wass that matter Applejack? We bothering you? I'm sorry, I know tha' paperwork is hard. You want a hug ta' make it better?

'HNNG! Seriously, stop!'

>...I'mma hug you anyway.

'HNNG!'

"Your technique is all wrong! You gotta grab them like THIS to explode their bones!"

'HNNNNNNNGH!'

>See? Hugs make everything better!

'TIA'S MOM'! AH'M COMMIN' HOME!'
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>Fizzle
“Pennydrop”
‘???’
__________

>AAAAAAAAAAGH!

“…”

>GWAAAAAAA-

The near unholy screams of a fledgling dragon in agony echoed all about the testing area as Fizzle thrashed on the cot. When his tail came within inches of catching Pennydrop upside the face, she took a wise step in reverse, suddenly thankful she’d sprung for the metallic straps.

“Hmm… Plasmid Experimentation #31: subject appears to be in slightly less pain than the previous attempts and remaining conscious longer. Progress, Mr. Fizzle. Progress.”

>PROGRESS MY SCALY DICK! WHAT’RE YOU BONDIN’ ME WITH THS TI-AAAAAAAAH!

His body arched up into an upside-down U-shape as he felt a line of wrath surge through his veins before thudding back down to the cot.

“Subject has not bitten off tongue yet. Yet. And we are simply testing to make sure plasmids are indeed compatible with dragons. You'd think a fire plasmid would bond without effort to a creature with a natural affinity to flame….”

>AAAAAAAAAAAH!

“Perhaps we should end this before we wind up roasting your body from the inside-ou-"

>N-NO! DON’T! YOU! DARE!

Beyond the pain, there was a furious determination resonating in Fizzle’s pupils as he grit his fangs nearly to dust and clenched his claws into fists.

>I CAN DO THIS! ICANDOTHISICANDOTHISICANDO-

A snide smirk of recognition overcame Pennydrop’s face as, through his own mantra, the pain seemed to ebb away until he was motionless on the cot, coated in a thick sheen of sweat but conscious and beading his boss with a smug grin of his own.

>T-told ya….

With every exhale, a plume of flame escaped both his nostrils, a side-effect of the plasmid she was sure.

But before she could speak, there was movement behind the Fawntaine owner and a mare in a purple vest stepped forward, her stringent eyes appraising the dragons steaming body.

‘Hello, Mr… Fizzle, was it?’

He blinked, the urge to lose consciousness growing heavy on his fried mind.

>Y… y-yeah… who’re you?

‘Just a passing mare who figured this place could use a little bit more… professionalism. So this mare spoke with the CEO of Fawntaine Futuristics and struck a rather lucrative deal. And look what we have here… a dragon compatible with plasmid technology.’

“Interesting, isn’t it?”

‘Gets my professionalism going, I’ll say that much.’

>…well, yeah, o-okay, while you two gab, I think I’ll take a short coma real quick.

He fainted.
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>Gaffer
"8-Bit"
'Poindexter'
~~~
'Hey, Gaffer, making a new character?'

>Yeah, I'm trying to let my jealousy and anger go.

"Get out, I'm making a new character too!"

'So, what have you guys got? I recently made a changeling Ranger who specializes in dual swords and likes has boots of striding and springing along with a ring that grants plus ten to jump checks. She also likes potatoes.'

>Nice, my new guy's still a rogue, but I'm focusing more on RP and having him be a shell shocked veteran of an invasion scouting team gone horribly wrong. His best friend is now a traitor to his county too.

"That's badass! I've got a Changeling, Monk Fighter i based on 42! She's so awesome!"

>Pfffft!

"What's wrong?"

'Celestia's mom, 8-bit, could you be anymore unoriginal?!'

"But 42 is cool!"

>Geez, man, you know anything about creativity?
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