Thread 24: Stories 106-117

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>32
"A Cockroach"

>...

"..."

>...so...doesn't look like anyone's coming down here today.

"..."

>Yeah, yeah it's a good thing. I mean, the less people remember me, the shorter my suffering lasts, right?

"..."

>Right. Exactly. I mean, if I'm going to starve to death, might as well get it over with.

"..."

>See, you get it, you understand that there's no way out of this that doesn't involve me dying horribly. I threw my cards down, and dear old Chryssi had five aces...and a heartless suckerpunching bitch with a stupid helmet, but that ruins the metaphor, right?

"...*chitter*."

>Right! So it's either starve in here, or get my head chopped off by Chrysalis on the outside! Honestly, I'd prefer to deny her the satisfaction, the last thing I need to see when I die is her victorious smirk, you know?

"..."

>...

"...*chitter*."

>Exactly! It's glad to finally have someone I can really talk to...I'm losing my fucking mind.

"No shit."

>Wha!?

"...*chitter*"

>...tooootally losing it.
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
'Spike'
~~~~~~~~

>Ah'm just sayin', this seems a bit unfair.

"What? Applejack, I'm sorry, but the hang-glider cannot carry your weight and his. Your... a-hem, 'asset', is a bit too heavy. This isn't my fault."

>Ya'll are the one that rented the dang glider.

"Yes, well, someone lied about their weight."

>Ah' didn't lie!... Ah'm just kind of in denial.

"Really, darling, if you want to lose some pounds go see Chrysalis. There is no denying she worked wonders on me!"

>Ah' don't want changelings suckin' the magic outta my... ya' know!

"I sympathize, but really, you have nobody else to blame but yourself, those cakes cannot be healthy."

>AH' NEED 'EM!

"Well, I'm sorry, but we only have two gliders-"

>Cause ya' only got two.

"-and unless we want to make poor Spikey-Wikey wait while we fly around and have fun, there's just nothing we can do about it!"

>...Hrm...

'Hey! You guys ready to go?'

"Indeed darling! Now, I'm afraid we only have the two, so you're going to have to strap in on this one and I will strap in underneath. Do be careful of where you place those claws, Spi-"

>Naaww, ya' can have mine.

"...B-but Applejack! We can't just leave poor little you on the ground! That would be most unfair of us."

>Naaaah...

With a single beat of her wings, she rose up.

>Need ta' get in some flyin' practice.

"....O-ohhhhh... h-how... nice."

'Oh cool! I get to fly with you guys at the same time? Awesome!'

"Yes... "Awesome"..."

>Ya' comin' Rarity?

"It's going to be a while at this rate..."

'What was that?'

"I said yes!"
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
'Spike'
~~~

>Friggen... little...

"Darling, why are you making what appears to be a very elaborate trap in the middle of the hallway?"

>Because Ah'm tryin' ta' catch... Chrysalis.

"...Chrysalis."

>Right. Ah'm gonna catch her in a trap. That's reasonable.

"You, um, you paused there. Is there something you want to-"

>Nope.

"...Your face scrunches up when you lie, Applejack."

>No it don't.

"It's actually really cute."

>No it ain't.

"It is! Oh, it's adorable!"

>Look, Ah' ain't lyin'. Ah'm totally after Chrysalis. Gonna catch her fer' a thing she did.

"Which was?"

>...Wow, she has got a long list, thinkin' about it.

"Oh, of course she does-"

'COMING THROUGH!'

>SPIKE LOOK OUT!

"GAH!"

*Several elaborate trappings sounds later.*

'...Rarity, why are we currently in a net in the middle of the hallway?'

"Because you weren't watching where you were going."

'Ah. Sorry, but Twilight needed those books-'

>DAGNABBIT RARITY! AH' SPENT HOURS WORKIN' ON THAT! AND THEN YA'LL STEAL...

"..."

>...S-Steeeal... mah' joy of seein' buggo in there! That's just cruel!

"Well, can you get us down?"

>Ah didn't put in the release hinge!

'Why not?'

>...Reasons.

"Well, since we're going to be here for a while anyway, would you mind giving me a scratch, Spikey-Wikey?"

'Sure!'

>...

"You alright, darling?"

>Fine.. just fine... gonna go get some help gettin' ya' down.

"Ohh, take your time darling, these claws are simply divine!"

>Ah'm sure... ah'm sure...

'...Your hat is on fire.'

>No sentimental value, Spike. Whole closet of 'em. None at all...

'That's... not really what I was saying...'

>...none at all.
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Non-canon callback to earlier times.

>Twilight
“???”
‘???’
_______

She awoke that morning with a hard look at her own hooves. As Celestia’s sun blared in through the slits of her venetian blinds, Twilight looked up with resolution.

She knew what she had to do.

>And I’ve held back for far too long. No more. It ends today.

~~~~~

“WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA’S GIANT ASS ARE YOU DOING?!”

>Trust me, I have a gift!

‘I’M SCARED!’

>As you should be, for behold! You are about to be healed by the almighty cleansing power of… my CANCER PAWNCH!

The frail, hairless hospital pony only yelled out in utter terror when Twilight rammed her hoof into his midsection.

But what happened next, not even Nurse Redheart would have believed if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes: all that ailed the once sickly pony was blown out of him in the form of a steaming sludge that splattered against the wall.

“I… I… h-how did you do that?”

Twilight only watched as the pony, once hairless, began to grow a new coat, completely healed and looked bewildered yet eternally grateful.

>Save your thanks, citizen. Those with power must do… and I’ve a lot more doing to be done. Nurse Redheart, come. We have many to see on this floor and very little time.

And Twilight swept from the room with firm purpose. In her wake she left the cured pony, now weeping without restraint and smiling, and a very stunned yet awestruck Nurse Redheart.
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NON CANON
>AJ49 (Fanfic-ling)
'Angry Changeling'
"Various Changelings"
~AJ18~

~~~~~~~

'YOOOUUUUU!'

>Me?

'Yes, YOU! You, you, ... what's the word …'

"Cad?"

"Ruffian?"

"-niversal suffrage?"

"Ugh, not again! Off to the /pol/ board with you!"

>Milksop?

"Ooo, classy! How about Pantywaist?"

"Farted?"

"Which one's /pol/ again? The one in the chandelier?"

"-'ve got mail?"

"The one that's dangling out through the broken window. Don't worry, we've got 471 and a polished thumbtack for counterweight."

>Fiend?

'… you ... yeah okay, that-'

"Sannamabich?"

'SHUT UP! 49, you uh, fiend! What is this new devilry?'

>Okay, I guess you're upset about the latest issue. Come on, lay it on me.

'You've had all this tension building up for months between Alice-Jo A. Tien and Ahjay, Second to the Five Powers, and now he goes off writing sonnets about Duchess Evening Gleam? That's 150% Grade A greenspit!'

>Oh, that! Don't worry 'bout a thing, my 'ling.

'"Don't worry?" Fuck that! And I ain't your 'ling, you egg! Not when you trash months of tsundere buildup for … for … a bimbo baroness on a research rebound!'

>No, seriously, just wait for the next update! Look, lean in, I'll give you a spoiler. It's actually all a hallucination. Ahjay's been high as a kite since issue 23.5!

'…'

>So take a chill pill, grub. Another couple of issues and, well … your hasubando might be getting his groove on with pretty much anypony!

'… You're 'spitting me … First you sink my ship, the ONE TRUE SHIP, and then you make the leader of the Revolution a Faust-damned DRUGGIE!? DEFEND YOURSELF, HEATHEN!'

"Ooh, look, a fight! FOR THE HIVE!"

"FOR TWENTY!"

"LEGALIZE POLYGONS!"

~Hey guys, have you seen 42? I need a copy of the files on - wait, what's this ruckus about?~

"Some Jay/Tien-loving pleb couldn't stand the steamy lavender-on-chitin action in the last issue."

~Pfft, what? I'm more pissed that it's all a pipe dream, everypony knows Evening Gleam loves him so much more!~

"Right!? Say, could you toss me off?"

~Gladly. Sock him one for me!~

"Thanks. Aim for the dunce with the pink and purple highlights. FOR JUSTICE, AND ALICORN WAIFUUUUUS!"

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>32
"Twilight"
'Cockroach'

"Hey 32, I just wanted to-..."

32 is sitting in the middle of a semi-circle of to roaches.

>Let the minutes show we are joined by an ambassador of Equestria. Princess Twilight, welcome to the Insectoid Republic of Cell 43-A!

"32...I...what?"

>I'm sorry, Princess, I should have sent a missive that the Senate was meeting.

'32...why are you surrounded by roaches?'

>Ahaha, I have set up a new civilization, a grand republic that shall rise from these humble beginnings!

'...you're surrounded by roaches!'

"..."

>Thorax! Silence your impudent tongue! Sorry Princess, insect supremacists, I cannot help who the people elect.

'I...I'll just come back.'

Twilight slowly backs away, a few moments later 32 bursts into laughter.

>Insectoid Republic, hahaha, oh wow...like I'd really do that. We fooled her good, didn't we?

"...*chitter*"

>WHOA! WHOA! You were being serious!? Jeez...I'm gonna be leery of your from now on...
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Non-canon
>DT
"SS"
~~~~
>You know what we should do?

"What?"

>We should do something completely out-of-character since it'll never go on record.

"Like what?"

>Hmmm...

~Backstage~

DT and SS gang stomp Potatojack.
'Aaaaah! Why are you doing this?!'

>This is for picking on my friend. She is not your target practice!

'That's the writer's fault! I'm not event the real Potatojack. I'm just her stunt double for the wireworks!'

"I didn't know she had a stunt double. They told us we didn't have enough in the budget to get any."

'She's afraid of heights...'

>Really?

"Wow, the more you know..."
They continue kicking the stunt double.
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Non-canon
>SA
"Sombra"
'Pinkie'
~~~~

>...Really?

"He's going somewhere with this, I'm sure."

'Still...'

"Gotta trust the writers."

>Well, I guess it can't be as bad as the comic.

'Yeah, not like Luna's suddenly going to turn into a huge jerk over this and almost kill everyone.'

>Ugh, so glad those are non-canon.

'You just don't want that Celestia who's an idiot to be canon!'

>...I don't?

"You realize the show could mention it at any time, right?"

>Hey, they retconned out the Nightmarity arc.

"Still, I sincerely doubt he intends us to have been romantic."

'Would be really weird.'

>Think we'll wrap it up next thread?

'I hope so! Man, can't wait for some PARTYLAND!'

>But then after...

"...Why do you have to go and be a bummer like that?"

'Yeah man, uncool.'
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>Pinkie
~~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw

>Now that we have Luna's blessing, our trip to the moon becomes more realistic. Diamond Tiara gets angry at Spike as he runs the A-team to financial ruins. Rarity convinces Applejack to a girl's night out as she tries to be more relevant to the story. Meanwhile Canterlot becomes under siege by eco-terrorists. Is this Fluttershy's doing? Find out next time time in Thread 25: Fly Me to the Moon...And of course, lots of fan service next time too.
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NON-CANON
>42
"Chrysalis"
'18'
[???]
~~~~~

>Wow, I am surprisingly complex as a character.

"WAIT, HOLD UP! We might NOT get the harem end!? I was promised a harem end! It's in my contracts you bastards!"

'Technically they could fulfill that by giving you a harem end in a non-canon story.'

"HUSH YOUR DAMN TECHNOSPEAK, MINION!"

'Why? Did you see how fuckawesome I was this go round? I'm fuckawesome.'

>I was impressed.

"Yeah, well, I got to shine last time, so it's your turn I guess."

>...Does that mean-

"Don't push your luck."

'Till next ti-'

"WAIT A MINUTE! I didn't get a Momsie story this time!"

>...Oh, hey, yeah. Pattern got broke.

"WHAT KIND Of BULLSHIT IS THI-"

*CRASH!*

[So, hey, is my daughter alive or not?]

"Hasn't been decided yet, Chitty."

[Damn!]

>It's not me, though.

'Might be me if we can find a good hook for it.'

"Orrr it might be someone like, I don't know, 13."

>Or she could just be dead, she doesn't have to be alive.

[...Oh! Hey! I'm joining the main cast at some point!]

>Looks like it.

[Everything is coming up Changeling!]

>It is.

"It really is."

'...Till next time!'
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>32
"77"
'88'

>THEY'RE DOING WHAT!?

"Well the cordyceps thing has been on everyone's minds for about ten threads now and they all thought 88 was an interesting character."

>I guess...it's just kind of...damn, is she okay with this?

"Don't worry, it's a prosthetic. Besides, you wanna be a roach-loving pothead for the forseeable future?"

'Mimimimiiiii clikclikclikclikcliiiik~'

>...

"..."

'Too much?'

>Uhh...

'Should I try on the bloater costume?'

>"NO!"
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>Cheerilee
~77~
"29"
'MM'
[Trixie]
{Zecora}
~~~~~

>I'M A CHARACTER AGAIN! Doing stuff, even!

~Congratulations, love.~

"Yes, who will you have us face next time?"

'And is 29 going to get to chew you out?'

[Pffft, because he has room to talk about being selfish.]

{Hey now, he has done pretty well.}

>~"'[...]'"~

{... I don't have to rhyme here, it's non-canon.}

"Still, sounds weird."

[Says the changeling who kept losing his Shakespeare speak.]

"Now THAT is hard to write for."

>Still, I can't wait to see what me and my little darlings are going to get up to next!

[Yeah, what are the odds that you'll end up like Rainbow Dash?]

>...

~...goddamn it Trixie.~

[I uh... I'm not acting, most times.]

"She isn't."

'Well, we'll have to wait and see. And if it gets broken, our guys can fix it! Till next time!'

"NEXT TIME!"

~~~~~~
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