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Edgy Trojan - Different Year, Same Shit

Jan 23rd, 2016
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  1. >Here you stand, broken hearted, left to internally rot as this year started.
  2. >A couple of weeks ago, you missed out on all of the New Year’s parties.
  3. >It’s very very far from what you had expected to see and experience during the beginning of this new year. Especially considering your desperate running around to find some sort of party to go to in order to compensate for your poor planning during the past week and a half. The Holidays have softened you up to the point where you’re practically crawling across your apartment to get to your phone.
  4. >Why must you always hold such high expectations?
  5. >You had given numerous calls to your friends lately, asking if any of them wanted to hang out at some point. Most of them claimed to be busy, since it is the middle of January. The winter air itself slaps you in the face the very second you step outside.
  6. >As you had imagined, the only people telling you that they can hang out are the ones who are known to be stubborn in the face of harsh circumstances.
  7. >One of them, Thunderlane, has actually agreed to invite you over to a night party tonight. After consideration, your brain says no, your gut says no, your heart says no and pretty much everything else within you says no except for one thing.
  8. >Your thick skull tells you yes. And evidently, that is all that’s needed.
  9. >The sun goes down early, and you don’t even bother to pack up any of your things. If anything, you’re trying to prove to yourself that you’re still the hardy and productive young man you used to be during the summer before the holiday cheer came rolling in and brought you weakness for Christmas.
  10. >Never question to yourself why this is the case, being the stubborn young person you are. All you can think about is do do do. And never give the actions themselves any critical thought first.
  11. >Don’t even get into your car as you set out to Thunderlane’s house. You walk using your own two feet.
  12. >Only now do you think as you pace down the sidewalk against the harsh winds.
  13. >Many of your friends had urged you to go the the New Year’s party in the city with them. They were all calling you, texting you, contacting you on Facebook, Twitter, pretty much everywhere. You’re not terribly popular, but these people are a bit suffocating.
  14. >You just wish that you didn’t make the mistake of befriending everyone you came into contact with. Because now, you are faced with the massive responsibility of maintaining more social ties than you can handle.
  15. >There was once a time when you proved to be a sufficient people person. Once.
  16. >But since you tend to like peace and quiet nowadays, you never answered a good number of them when the New Year’s party, nor did you return their calls.
  17. >You’ve grown numb to it, so on you walk without a single damn to give.
  18. >About 45 minutes later, you finally make it to the far away bus stop.
  19. >It was nice to pretend that you were going to walk the whole way to Thunderlane’s house while it lasted. You felt pretty tough there for a while, pushing against the gusts of wind with your eyes halfway open. In fact, you might as well have imagined yourself in the deep wilderness while you were at it.
  20. >At least your luck seems to be on your side, as the bus pulls up less than a minute after you arrive. You go up the steps and submerge into the bus’s warmth.
  21. >You spend the next hour or so sitting in that warmth. Thinking up clever things to say at Thunderlane’s party.
  22. >It’s a shame you have to live so far outside of town.
  23. >But what’s more of a shame is that you weren’t willing to haul your lazy ass into town on New Year’s Eve when everyone was inviting you to go party with them. You just can’t put it out of your mind.
  24. >And you think about this even more once you make it to your stop.
  25. >That bus ride wasn’t even that difficult, you could have done this a few days ago for pete’s sake! The more you think about it the more you feel like an embarrassment.
  26. >But the thoughts eventually leave you along as you make your way down a few blocks and over to Thunderlane’s house.
  27. >The guy and a couple of his friends are actually sitting outside on the porch, sipping on their beers as usual.
  28. >”Alan! My man! Glad ya made it!” Nolan greets you, already sounding drunk.
  29. >You wouldn’t be surprised if the beer in his hand is frozen.
  30. >”Aha! There he is!” Thunderlane joins in. “What’s up, man?”
  31. “Been really sick ever since Christmas. Barely left the bed.” You’re actually partially telling the truth. “Felt kinda bad I didn’t see you guys on New Years, though.”
  32. >”Ah, don’t worry about it! It happens. Plus, you live far away too, right?”
  33. >You bump fists with the three guys on the porch as everyone in the house notices you. Right off the bat, you notice that there are already a couple of girls in the house. You’ve gotten used to spotting them, and would rather stay on the porch in the cold.
  34. “Yeah, I’m about an hour and a half drive away.” You clarify.
  35. >”Oh shit, that’s right.” Recalls Curly Winds. “You’re pretty far, dude.”
  36. >”Is that Alan?” A familiar voice comes from inside the house.
  37. >Everyone on the porch turns their attention to the inside of the house.
  38. >”Yooooo!” Flash Sentry calls out to you from the living room. “Alan! Where were you on New Years?”
  39. >”I’m so sorry, dude. I completely forgot he was here.” Apologizes Nolan.
  40. “Did he come with you?”
  41. >In less than a second, you see Flash exit through the front door and step onto the porch.
  42. >”Yeah. He’s uh… always tagging along at the last second.”
  43. >”Bruh.” Flash starts off. “Didn’t see you on New Years.”
  44. “Yeah, uh, I was sick.”
  45. >The guy scoffs quietly.
  46. >”Oh come on! Everyone knows that a little bit of partying can make the sick feeling go away at least for the night!”
  47. “I had a headache.”
  48. >”Partying takes care of that too, dude.” Flash says to you before looking back through the window into the house. “Some of those girls were waiting for you.”
  49. “I’m pretty sure they weren’t.”
  50. >”Eh, they just don’t realize it. Yet. But they’re waiting to see which one of them is going to make the the lucky man, bro!”
  51. >Nolan sips his beer as an excuse to avoid speaking to anyone.
  52. >”Wait, he hasn’t gotten laid yet?” Curly Winds asks. “I though you told me…” He trails off, perhaps realizing that he remembered something incorrectly.
  53. >”No, dude.” Flash corrects him. “He promised that he’d meet me at that strip club before it hit midnight, remember?”
  54. >Stare out to the streets, trying your hardest to ignore the guy. But you soon feel a hand being placed onto your shoulder.
  55. >”Dude…” Flash tries to convince you. “Being a virgin at 21 is… pretty sad, man. I mean, are you actually serious about staying this way your whole life?”
  56. >You keep staring at the suburban blocks.
  57. >”I remember he said he’s serious, man.” Nolan tries to change the subject. “Come on, let’s go inside. How about a round of beer pong?”
  58. >”You sure about this, bro? I mean, I’m just trying to help you out, man.” Insists Flash before you turn back around to confront him.
  59. “Man, come on. Please. I’m just staying abstinent!”
  60. >”But you’re missing out, Alan! Trust me, the guys and I know this.”
  61. >”I gotta admit. It’s better to have your fun now before you go tie the knot with someone for the rest of your life.” Curly Winds agrees. “I mean, you don’t want to be on your death bed one day having only had sex with one person ever, do you?”
  62. “What’s wrong with that?”
  63. >”It’s… well… lame!” Thunderlane finally rejoins the conversation. “These are the roaring twenties, man. And once you’re in your thirties… it’s not going to work the same. You’ll have nowhere near as much energy and everything will be boring while you’ll barely have time to do anything fun anyway. Trust me, my dad knows.”
  64. >Flash nods along.
  65. >”Can we like, not talk about this?” Nolan makes another attempt as resolution.
  66. >”Yeah, you’re right, dude. Let’s all go inside. It’s cold as fuck out here.”
  67. >And just like that, he drops it.
  68. >But for a reason you’re quite aware of. Flash suddenly agreed to go back inside because all of the girls he might want to get you laid with will be in your presence. You’ll give the guy credit for his determination. But… well… that’s about it.
  69. >There are more people at this party that you had hoped once you get a good glimpse of the number of shadows moving around on the first floor. There must be ten to twelve people here.
  70. >Over the next twenty minutes, you slowly gather information on which girls are here through occasionally peering around the house.
  71. >There’s Indigo Zap, Spitfire, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Sunny Flare, Applejack and Sour Sweet. Mostly the more athletic girls, which makes sense given that you’d expect the less active people to stay home.
  72. >Like how you did on New Year’s.
  73. >Before you know it, it’s already completely dark outside.
  74. >You can already tell that your peers are consistently judging you whenever you have your back turned. Every time you bring up your desire to stay a virgin for the rest of your life, it may not ruin the moment, but it kills your reputation just a little bit more.
  75. >And that’s why you lie to them, and tell them that you’re just waiting until you’re married. Foolishly thinking that they would understand and find some sort of common ground with you.
  76. >But you refuse to be embarrassed. Instead, you’re choosing to refrain from letting them get the best of you. Just because you make different sexual activity choices than them doesn’t mean that they’re automatically better than you by default.
  77. >As the night goes on, you’re met with a barrage of “dude”’s, “bro”’s and “man”’s constantly coming up in conversation. So you can at least be sure that everyone’s relaxed and enjoying themselves for now. But everything soon changes as you start to partake in the activities.
  78. >First is darts.
  79. >”Oh hey! I didn’t know you’d be here!” Sour Sweet chimes towards you as she picks up her share of the darts to be thrown.
  80. >Thunderlane stands beside her with a hinting grin. You almost return the facial expression in response… almost.
  81. >But you must assure yourself that you can be above petty bickering.
  82. “Eh, I’ve been sick, so I came over here this time to the party.” You quickly throw your answer together, not caring enough to make it make complete sense.
  83. >This pretty much constitutes for the majority of the conversations you have with the other people in the house. They ask you something, and you casually evade talking to them for long. You eventually see Flash grinning at you from across the room when he sees you throwing darts next to Sour Sweet. Beside him are Curly Winds and a couple of other jocks.
  84. >Every time your turn comes up, you try your best to hit the red bullseye. You even take your time making sure you’re holding the dart right and throwing it the correct way and at the correct angle. The dart flies for a short distance before hitting somewhere towards the edge of the dartboard. This happens every time you throw a dart. It wasn’t audible at first, but the slight snickering from Flash behind you soon catches your attention.
  85. >Sour Sweet’s turn is next. Once the girl has the darts in her hands, she aggressively chucks them towards the dartboard one after the other, not even looking like she’s even trying. None of them end up a bullseye, but all five darts make it remarkably close to one.
  86. >Thunderlane goes next, throwing one dart and hitting a bullseye on the first try.
  87. “Well… they’ve had a lot more practice.” You indicate with a slightly smug expression. “And I’ve never done darts before.”
  88. >”Yeah. I bet you’ve been waiting until after you’re married to practice darts.” Curly Winds mutters loudly enough for just Flash to hear.
  89. >You don’t hear the laughing, giggling response, but you know it exists.
  90. >Peer over to the kitchen table through the doorway.
  91. >The game of beer pong is still set up, but there’s no one playing. You already know that your aim isn’t going to be anything better then terrible. And you’re certainly losing the crowd.
  92. >For a split second, you consider leaving early to go home. Dealing with all of this shouldn’t be worth your time.
  93. >Well… it really shouldn’t.
  94. >This party really isn’t going very well for you.
  95. >You’re basically trying your hardest to assert some sort of likability in the face of the crowd. It isn’t even a struggle for dominance or anything like that. Like the new kid at a school, you just want to find a way to look cool in the eyes of the most popular kids in your grade.
  96. >The music keeps playing, starting to sound more and more like a nuisance to you.
  97. >And the longer this party drags on, the more you just want to go home. But you know that the way back is going to be hell.
  98. >So surprisingly enough, you stay at the house and do your best to distance yourself from any possible negative confrontation.
  99. >It’s like when you know you’re running the water bill up, but you don’t want to leave the warm shower into the cold room until the hot water runs out and you have no other choice.
  100. >Occasionally peer out the window, only to find that the snow is starting to fall more heavily as the hours go on. Not only this, but the party is proving to be a later one, lasting on until the point where it’s almost midnight and no one is showing any signs of leaving yet.
  101. >At this point, they might as well make this a sleepover.
  102. >”Hey, Alan!” Flash calls over to you, already confident that he’ll get your attention.
  103. >The next minute or so is spend with you ignoring Flash’s calls, but with it being obvious that you can hear him.
  104. >The fact that you’re ignoring him is enough confirmation that he had gotten under your skin at some point tonight. You’ve never been sure as to why he believes that this will make you be a bit more inclined to get laid at a party.
  105. >What on earth is this guy’s logic like?
  106. >He continues to call to you, now gesturing over to Sour Sweet, who has gotten completely wasted at this point. As though that’s supposed to further convince you to go through with it.
  107. >Well, that’s at least what Flash believes.
  108. “What’s up, man?”
  109. >You really shouldn’t have answered the guy. But it’s too late now.
  110. >”Sweetie over here’s feeling a bit touchy, dude. She’s asking for you.”
  111. “Seriously?” You jeer at him, actually surprised at his insulting lack of subtlety.
  112. >”Relax, bro. She doesn’t want to fuck or anything. It’s a party. Nothing wrong with a little exploring time, you know what I mean?”
  113. >Sour Sweet stares at you with her eyelids halfway closed. She looks like she can’t even stand up correctly without falling over. Of course, the obligatory “sexy” wink of an eye and the clumsy wave are performed.
  114. >and you are nowhere close to amused.
  115. >”A… Alan!” The girl surprisingly manages to slur. “Wanna do the… the darts again? I fffffffffelt bad about before and I wanna teach…. You…. How to dart the darts.”
  116. >How is she even alive?
  117. “I’m good.”
  118. >”No, really! I-I wanna… I wanna show you the arm movements and everything that you did wrong before. I’ll do it with you, hang on.”
  119. >She… actually gets up. The guys standing across the living room at the entrance to the kitchen hide their faces in what you know is laughter. The only laughter you actually can hear is coming from someone you can’t see at the moment. And this guy is audibly drunk, if that wasn’t enough.
  120. >”I’ll teach you how to REALLY do it!” Sour stammers while picking up the tray of darts.
  121. >…
  122. >She throws it at you.
  123. >The girl actually throws the tray of darts at you.
  124. >It’s a damn good thing that these darts aren’t the genuine sharper metal kind, and rather the cheap plastic ones that are extremely dull. Otherwise, someone would have needed to call an ambulance.
  125. >But you soon find yourself under a barrage of weak, clumsy punches.
  126. >”Why do you have to be such a pussy?” Sour mocks you in a hissing tone, almost incoherently. “Are you ssssscared of sex or something?”
  127. >You’re not surprised that she acts bipolar even when she’s drunk.
  128. >In the background, the lineup of young men erupts into a deafening chorus of laughter. Half of them fall to their knees.
  129. >”Did you see him flinch?” You hear one of them say to their friends. “Holy shit, dude!”
  130. >Moments like these pretty much make up the majority of your time at the party aside you just standing in the corner.
  131. >But to your surprise, Sour Sweet actually walks back up to you and apologizes for what she did. This happens about ten minutes after she threw the dart tray at you.
  132. >”I promise I won’t get mad this time! Just let me compete in darts with you again! I swear you’ll win this time, I can’t see straight.”
  133. >So this is what it’s been reduced to.
  134. >In order for you to look like a hotshot, the girl has to be completely hammered in order to aim worse than you do.
  135. >This... is shameful.
  136. >For a split second, Sour Sweet pulls you up against herself and grabs onto your arm with a dart in her hand. All of the guys present start whooping and cheering as the girl presses you harder onto her bosom.
  137. >”Yeah! Get some, Alan!”
  138. >There has never been a time when you wanted to punch someone in the face more.
  139. >Push her away and walk back to your corner. The booing doesn’t last long as it is drowned out be more alcohol.
  140. >Now even Flash is too drunk to indirectly try to make girls make advances towards you.
  141. >In the same old corner you stand, broken hearted once again. You barely watch the activities of the party anymore. But little do you know, that the worst moment is about to come. It all starts when Rainbow Dash approaches you, sober unlike the lot of her friends.
  142. >You’re not even sure what time it is anymore.
  143. >”Hey. Psssst. Dude.” Dash tells you, holding out a bottle of liquor towards you. It’s almost completely empty.
  144. “Wha…”
  145. >”Hold this and act as drunk as you can. Everyone will believe you. They’re too smashed to know the difference.”
  146. “Huh? But… wait… why are you doing this?”
  147. >”I’ve got an idea to help you leave here with at least a little bit of dignity.”
  148. “Why aren’t you drunk like the rest of them?” You suddenly ask out of nowhere. It was probably your suspicion.
  149. >”Who, me?”
  150. >You nod.
  151. >”Someone has to be the designated drivers. Soarin and I both agreed to do it, since we have the most self-control.”
  152. “Okay.”
  153. >”Just hold the bottle. and follow my lead. We were just doing arm wrestling and I just beat Applejack. So I’m pretty much the champion right now, but if you look like you beat me, those guys might like you a little bit more.”
  154. “You sure this is going to work?”
  155. >”Trust me. Both of us will just give it our all. You’re already stronger than me because I’m a girl. But everyone will think that you won’t be able to focus because you’re ‘drunk’.”
  156. >This conversation goes on for about another minute or so until she convinces you to go through with her plan. Dash gives you the bottle and you walk out in front of the group of party-goers. It’s apparently almost one in the morning.
  157. >A warm welcoming greets you as you re-enter the living room.
  158. >You just want to go home at this point.
  159. >You see Rainbow Dash sit down at a small coffee table right behind the sofa in the living room. All of the guys in the house are cheering her on for bringing you over to the living room, calling her the “reigning champion”.
  160. >She’s apparently beaten everyone at arm-wrestling due to everyone else except for Soarin being drunk.
  161. >A sharp feeling of anticipation overcomes you as you pretend to your best ability to act as though you’re drunk. This turns out to be a lot more difficult than you had occasionally imagined. At least in terms of making it look convincing.
  162. >Why are you even nervous?
  163. >She did say that she’d let you win. That… is what she said, is it?
  164. >Before you know it, you’re sitting right in front of Rainbow Dash with your arm out. Everyone clumsily surrounds the two of you as she grabs onto your hand. He hand is softer than you’d like it to be; it’s starting to soften you yourself up.
  165. >Try to focus on her competitive gaze.
  166. >Everyone’s watching… hopefully in the right way.
  167. >”Ready?” Dash prepares you for whatever is about to happen.
  168. >You give her a single nod of your head, already feeling sick from the fact that this girl has to deliberately let you win in order for you to kind of look cool in front of these people.
  169. >”Their fingers are playing with each other!” Flash jeers, almost slurring too much for you to understand him. “Careful, Alan! Don’t wanna lose your finger virginity!”
  170. >This was literally the most hilarious thing to all of the other guys in the room. They fall to the floor in laughter once more. Are they even watching anymore?
  171. >You suddenly feel your hand get rammed onto the surface of the table by Dash’s strength. You… you shouldn’t have nodded to her.
  172. >The laughter only grows stronger. And stronger… and stronger still.
  173. >”AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
  174. >The laughter is so pronounced that you can literally spell it out in your head.
  175. >Don’t let any tears come to your eyes.
  176. “That’s not fair! I wasn’t ready!” You start off before correcting yourself. “Uh… well I was distracted.”
  177. >The guys all start hollering to cut you off. But before you have the privilege of losing your self-control and lashing out of them, Dash comes to your defense.
  178. >”Don’t distract him!” She scolds them in a harsh tone. “Again! For real this time!”
  179. >Surprisingly enough, they quiet down. But they are no longer paying attention. Let alone taking you seriously as you look as confident and determined as you can.
  180. >They’re only silently giggling.
  181. >And all you want to do is leave. Not punch anyone in the face, not insult everyone there, but just leave. You cannot stop questioning yourself as to why you came here.
  182. >Though, you didn’t know that Flash was going to be here. Everyone else at least controls themselves a bit more.
  183. >This time, both of you apply force on eachother’s arms right away. With Dash being a girl, you expected to be able to push her arm back a little bit more easily. You push harder and eventually your hardest to find the exact opposite happening.
  184. >Applejack, apparently having known that you were caught off guard last time, widens her eyes at the sight.
  185. >”Oh… oh mah…” She gasps as you ACTUALLY START TO LOSE.
  186. >Are you seriously this weak?
  187. >But Applejack isn’t laughing at you. She looks more as though she feels sorry for you. And someone being sorry for you isn’t exactly helping.
  188. >Use the rage to find the strength to push harder and harder, further emphasizing the whole drunk act as a reminder to the tough crowd. Is there even a point in doing this anymore?
  189. >It still doesn’t work.
  190. >You pretty much understand that Dash is giving it her all too, so it looks as authentic as possible. But you… you’re just too weak in the arms.
  191. >In a matter of seconds, the back of your hand is slammed onto the table. You weren’t drunk, you were trying literally as hard as you can… and you got beat by a girl.
  192. >Rainbow Dash is actually stronger than you.
  193. >Don’t even pay any attention to whatever reaction might have ensued. Stand up and head back in the direction of the corner in which you sat. But on your way there, you notice a collection of whiskey bottles in the kitchen.
  194. >”I’m so sorry! I just didn’t want to lose!” You can barely hear Dash apologize to you.
  195. >…
  196. >And just like clockwork, that was it. The next thing you found yourself aware of is a cap being opened and the bottom of a whiskey bottle rising above your head… facing the ceiling.
  197. >The pain was gone just like that.
  198. >How you managed to make it through the rest of the party must have been some sort of miracle. There weren’t even any tears… those were replaced by the whiskey. Probably by the same amount as well, which is quite belittling to think about.
  199. >…
  200. >The party is about to end. And it’s about two in the morning as far as you can tell from what people tell you.
  201. >For a split second, you actually consider what it would be like to end this torment once and for all and just do what Flash wanted you to do. What makes this notion enter your head is a brief sight of Rarity.
  202. >That… that dress she’s wearing…
  203. >How have you not noticed this when you were sober long ago?
  204. >You really wouldn’t want to fall into temptation after doing so well your entire life. You’ve never really dated a girl, if what you’re remembering is correct. Hell, you’re not even sure anymore if you’ve ever looked at one.
  205. >That body on Rarity is giving you certain thought, thoughts that you didn’t have hours before. This whiskey is dangerous for your brain. It could make you willing to do things you hadn’t dared to do in the past.
  206. >And you would have acted upon that as well if the front door didn’t slam open. Flash would have won if it weren’t for the arrival of… wait, who even is that? You vision is far too warped to even see who this figure is.
  207. >”Trixie is here. She apologizes for being so late… as she was attending a much better party.” The voice gives away its owner.
  208. >Rainbow Dash, Soarin and Trixie are the apparent three designated drivers.
  209. >Only when you think about everyone being driven home do you remember that you did not drive on your own over to here, but took the bus.
  210. >And it’s two in the morning.
  211. >Do… do buses run at two in the morning?
  212. “Oh shit.” You manage to mutter out under your breath.
  213. >And along with that, Rainbow Dash might have heard you. You’ve always hated being such an unwittingly loud drunk.
  214. >”Alan, wait!”
  215. >Try to ignore her call to you. After what just happened, you’d simply feel too uncomfortable around this girl. It’s nothing personally against her… or maybe it is.
  216. >You’re too drunk to think clearly.
  217. >”You’re not going to try to drive home, are you?” She asks you after approaching your corner.
  218. “I took the bus….”
  219. >While your head hangs too low for you to see her response, she takes the now empty whiskey bottle from your hand and places it next to the one she had first approached you with. Oh how funny it is that they look exactly identical. It’s too bad that you’re still not laughing.
  220. >”You want to tag along with me?” The girl offers. “I’ll take you back to your house. Just give the the address and I’ll plug it into the GPS.”
  221. >”What?” Spitfire protests. “But he lives so far away!”
  222. >”Don’t worry. I’ll drop you all off first. Then I’ll take Alan to his place.”
  223. >”Uh… you sure?”
  224. >”It’ll be fine! Trust me.” Dash scoffs. “A little drive out of town isn’t too much for someone like me to handle!”
  225. >Of course.
  226. >Hearing her take on yet another challenge only reasserts your disdain for the arm wrestling contest. Given what happened, the ride in her car would be the most awkward moment of your life outside of this house.
  227. >And riding with Soarin might result in the same outcome; Flash is riding with him.
  228. >”Trixie has room for one more in her car.” You overhear Trixie say to the crowd.
  229. >You spot Applejack and Rarity standing next to her.
  230. >”Come on, man.” Dash tries to convince you. “What do you say? Wanna ride with us?”
  231.  
  232.  
  233. Trojan_Horse ending: http://pastebin.com/Lyb6yFii
  234. An_Edgy_Relaxer ending: http://pastebin.com/34XnryYu
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