Barely AIE related timekilling modem rant

(Chat was acting shitty, internets all sorts of slow)
So typing this while waiting for my internet to get unfucked.
I was trying to get my router/modem to quit acting wonky
by resetting it. While in the modem menu I see a check for
updated firmware or whatever the hell it's called. Click it, oh snap
there's an update. Download that shit. Apparently doing that tells
the "I just don't know what went wrong." light on the front of the
modem to start blinking. Manual says it could take up to half a goddamned
hour to update. 45 minutes later and  I'm on the phone with tech support
in Jihadistan. Apu's dad starts telling me to unplug it or some shit. Fuck you.
If it really is updating and installing things onto the hardware that probably
would fucking kill it. So I asked how long the updating could take. 2 friggin
hours?! The fuck man? Goddamned booklet said 1/2 hour tops. Hang the fuck
up and wait. Two goddamned minutes later It stops blinking and randomly
clicking. The clicks I assume are it calling my cat an asshole because now he
looks even sadder (skinny smooshface persian) after walking past it. Fuck you too
modem. Holy shit all green, we are a go...fuck. All settings back to factory default.
Of couse I don't remember the fucking dsl login and password. Back on the phone
with tech support. AKA, some guy in not 'murrica reading a flow chart. Get
the phone equivalent of waterboarding to verify my identity. After that I get
a new password that's a cross between a phone number and that captcha that's
just a fucking picture. Still typing this while waiting for the router to finish connecting
and a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in the neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said you're moving to your auntie
and uncles in bel aire. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the licen oh shit SOLID
GREEN LIGHTS