Lament

Lament

    Lord, as Israel struggled to be of your will as was in the days of the weeping one, chastise me for the same crime. I struggle with you like Jacob and you always win; but I leave you after your righteous triumph. I, by my will, hate that which is good, yet I know better that I should love all that is good. I should do all that is good, all that is of you. But, I choose not to. I pain myself by the edge of sin, bleeding to death, for my separation from you by my acts have neglected the cure of your Word. How can I truly say that I love you? I know I do not, Lord. I have severed your love away from me by the death that is of sin. I pray that I may truly let you into my heart. May I truly let you love me.

    Lord, as Jeremiah fell in sorrow by the terror upon your people, send fire into my bones for I have wronged you. I feel the linger of evil that has sprung by my invitation and approval of that temptation, for sin is its own punishment. But only more of an eternal fashion awaits if I do not seek your forgiveness and receive it. May I act in defiance of what I affirmed in recent past, so that I may actually love you my God. May he whoever acts in your son speak your absolving words, so that I may enact my penance for the evil that I committed.

    Even after resolution Father, it bares difficulty to admit and might lack weight behind when uttered, but leave me desolate and wasted with sorrow until I need the pain upon my flesh no more. No evil act against you is little, for no one can belittle the highest of all, beyond all height. As you work passively in our heart and in silence, I know I have pained you in great sorrow by my hateful, willful rejection of you, the one who only wanted to love me. So, Lord, do what you must to bring me back in you. Humbly, I pray give me the strength that I had not before. Let me say yes and you shall be in me amongst my heart.