[WIP] Steven impregnates Amy

"Bleh" Amethyst came out of the bathroom holding her stomach.

Connie looked over as she set down her cup of coffee on the kitchen counter, "Are you doing alright? That's the second time this week you've woken up like that."

"Eh, I'm sure I'm fine, must of just been eating some weird stuff lately." Amethyst knocked off the question and plopped herself down on the couch.

"You seem to be eating rather normally. In fact, when I saw you eat ribs last night, you carefully scraped off all the meat, then ate it, instead of just shoving bones and all in your mouth like you normally do." Connie commented.

"That's just what I felt like that day. Sometimes I eat junk, sometimes I just eat the good stuff."

"But that shouldn't cause any vomiting." Connie brought the cup back up her mouth, she paused before saying, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were pregnant."

"Ha. Ha." Amethyst started deliberately and slowly. "That'd be a laugh."

Connie shrugged and continued nursing her morning cup. She looked over to Steven across the counter, who looked deep in thought as he chewed on a plate of scrambled eggs. "What's on your mind, sweety-bear?" Connie called to him.

"Just wondering if that's a possibility." Steven's deep voice called out after chewing. "You know, Amethyst getting pregnant."

Connie cocked her head. "It shouldn't be a possibility because you shouldn't be getting your semen anywhere near her."

Steven frowned, "This is Amethyst we're talking about, if there's any gem going into town to mess with human semen, it's probably her."

"I'm right here you know!" Amethyst blurted out.

"Do you deny the charges?" Steven shouted back, only to be met with a glare. He turned to Connie and went to hold her hand, "Anyways, I thought you said we had an open relationship."

Connie almost immediately retracted her hand. "That was kinda a joke I said before we got married." Connie moved her hand close to her face, to inspect the ring Steven had given her. "And I kinda thought you were the type of guy to never move on that offer."

"Oh, Oh." Steven pulled out his phone, "Excuse me, there's <i>several</i> calls I have to make."

Connie punched Steven's arm as hard as she could, knowing it would barely effect his massive form. "Jerk."

"I'm kidding," Steven said as he put down his phone. "You're the only human I've ever been with."

Connie slammed her cup on the table a little harder than she meant to. "I don't like how that's worded." Connie looked back at Amethyst, then turned to Steven again. "You two didn't- fool around, did you?"

Steven turned away slightly while producing a slow "Ehhhhhhhhh."

"I'm not gonna get mad." Connie said in the most reassuring voice she could muster.

Without missing a beat. "Yes."

"Goddamm it, Steven." Connie said, again a little louder than she meant to.

"You said you wouldn't get mad." Steven shifted his weight, he didn't see Connie mad often, and it wasn't his strong suit dealing with her like this.

"Sorry, sorry." Connie shook her head. "I just didn't really see you as someone to actually do that. Especially with Amethyst, why Amethyst?"

"We were over at Peridot's. Remember how those horror movie DVD's from Sadie?"

Connie nodded her head and takes another drink.

"So we're watching 'Creeptasm' and a sex scene comes up. And Peridot says-" Steven cleared his throat and tried to make his voice as nasally as possible when quoting her. "I've seen this ritual several times in your human entertainment, but I can't say that I really understand what is happening. Could you show me?"

Connie griped her coffee cup a little tighter. "So you decided to show her by having sex with Amethyst?"

"Yes." Steven confirmed, "And then maybe with Peridot."

Connie slammed her hand against her face.

"I wouldn't have done it if I thought you'd react like this." Steven reached out to grab Connie's hand and was relieved that she didn't pull it back immediately.

Connie took a deep breath. "It's ok." She moved her other hand down to cover Steven's. "Why didn't you just show her porn?"

Steven shrugged. "This was a couple weeks back, right after that Tourmaline came in and wrecked the cell tower. Didn't have any reception."

"Oh right," Connie said, remembering back to not being able to reach Steven for nearly a week.

"I probably would have told you, but I kinda forgot about it by the time everything got up and running again." Steven continued.

"It's ok." Connie said more to reassure herself than Steven. "You probably should have just waited."

"You know how Peridot can get when there's something she doesn't understand." Steven turned slightly to glare at Amethyst, who looked like she passed out. "Plus Amethyst wasn't helping at all, with offering places to shove things and things to shove places."

"I- I think that's enough details." Connie gently patted Steven's hand, trying to wipe the mental image from her head. "That was the only time, right?"

"That was the only time." Steven reassured her. He waited a few moments before adding, "Since we got married."

Connie simply took a deep breath. "And before we were married?"

"Amethyst and I fooled around... Maybe like a dozen times?" Steven pitched his voice up high, trying to unconsciously distance himself from his words. "And I made out with Lapis once, but that didn't go anywhere."

Connie breathed deep and whispered. "It's ok, it's in the past."

"I'm sorry about all this," Steven tried to put on a smile for his wife. "I still love you more than anything."

"I know, and I still love you," Connie reached over and stole a small kiss. "And I'm glad you told me at least.

"Yea, small mistake. Nothing changes. This will all blow over and we'll go back to being lovely dovey like we always do." Steven leaned over and tickled Connie's nose with his own.

Connie felt the warmth of Steven's love and grabbed his head to embrace him more. When she pulled back, she took a deep breath and said, "Yea, this will all blow over, as long as Amethyst isn't actually pregnant."

Steven huffed, "You don't think that's possible, do yo-"

Steven was cut off when Amethyst suddenly awoke and ran towards the bathroom, clutching her stomach and mouth.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Steven held his hand out for a moment wondering if he should even do this. Steven put his hand down and wondered if he should even be here at all. Both thoughts eventually died and he softly knocked on the old wood doorframe.

"Come on in, it's open!" Steven heard a shout from inside the house. He shouldn't have bothered knocking.

Steven let himself in the old converted doublewide to find his father smoking a cigar and playing cards with Vidalia. Greg's arms flew open and he shouted out, "Oh, my boy, what a nice surprise to come in and visit your old man!"

Steven waved his hand over his nose, trying to ignore the smoke. "Arrg, Dad, you know those things will kill you."

"I know," Greg sighed, "I try to keep her out, but she just keeps coming back!" Greg laughed obnoxiously loud.

Vidalia was quick to come back. "Oh please, you wouldn't ever get to eat anything besides a TV dinner if I never came around."

"And with your cooking, I never wish for anything more... Than a TV dinner!" Greg and Vidalia both laughed at the good natured ribbing. "Come on Steven, grab a beer and pull up a chair."

Steven sighed and turned to the kitchen. "Hey Dad, I thought you said you were gonna get rid of this old fridge."

"Agh! I went to that store and they only had these super fancy things. I don't need a fridge that can play music or shit out recipes for me. Maybe for Vidalia, but not for me." Greg laughed again. "You know I don't want anything special."

"You're a millionaire in a double-wide. Frugal is your middle name." Steven shook his head as he reached in and grabbed a beer.

"No, his middle name is 'bad at poker'." Vidalia laughed as she scooped some change her way.

"Oh jeeze," Steven reached over and sat in the open chair. "How much have you stolen from him?"

"Enough that I probably need to declare it on my taxes." Vidalia again laughed.

"These are just nickle and dime games to pass the time. It ain't that much." Greg said as he started dealing Steven into the next round. "So what brings you here, son?"

Steven reached into his pocket and brought out the minor amount of change he had. "I got some questions about mom."

"Oh no. More gems trying to come and kill you?" Greg asked.

"No, nothing like that." Steven took a moment to try to figure out the best wording for what he wanted to say. "I wanna ask about her pregnancy."

"Fun time that was." Greg shook his head.

"Like, how much would you describe it be similar to a human pregnancy?"

"You mean like craving? Mood swings? Yes and yes." Greg replied.

"Morning sickness?"

"The worst. She could barely keep anything down for the first month."

Steven winced a little, but continued. "When did she know she was pregnant?"

Greg thought for a second. "Probably when the morning sickness hit. She shapeshifted everything, but she couldn't really tell when it properly took till her body started reacting in ways she wasn't planning for."

Steven visibly winced again and folded his hand.

"Let me guess, you got Connie pregnant and you're wondering if you're half gem if there's gonna some weird thing going on." Greg revealed his hand and took the pot.

"Greggy, you're gonna be a grandpa," Vidalia playfully punched Greg on the shoulder. "Oh and I guess you're gonna have your own crotch spawn, Steven."

"No, no, it's not that." Steven said, not really sure of what he would say next.

"Then what is it, Steven?" Greg said with a kindhearted nature that came so naturally to him when he was trying to be a helpful father.

"Well." Steven breathed deep, considering spilling the beans or just keeping his mouth shut. "Amethyst's been acting weird the last couple days. Eating regulatory and eating pretty much only food the average human would eat. And she's thrown up in the morning a couple of times. Which is really weird since I think I've only seen her thrown up once before this."

Steven looked up and saw both Greg and Vidalia staring at him, eye's open and mouth as close to hitting the floor as they could. The first to really react was Vidalia, who started laughing as hard as she possibly could.

"Oh my gosh! That girl poked so much fun at me when I had Sour Cream, I never thought I would get a chance to get her back like this!" Vidalia managed to get out in between bouts of laughter.

"Boy, you best be joking with me." Greg finally spurted out. Steven has only heard his father say the word 'boy' in that angry tone three times in his life. First, when he was a small kid and nearly destroyed the car wash. Second, when Greg found out that him and Connie took his new car out to a illegal and dangerous street race chasing after a jerk he specifically told those two to not give the time of day. And third, when Steven was getting cold feet and almost walked out of his own wedding. Seeing such a calm and easygoing man get angry was almost enough to give Steven nightmares to rival everything else he did in his life.

Steven was pretty good at dealing with his angry wife compared to how he was about dealing with his angry father. "I wasn't planning this, I don't think Amethyst was either."

Greg shook his head disbelievingly, "Rose Quartz told me she spent over a thousand years doing all the research so a gem could have a human baby and you two do it on accident? How long have you two even been doing it? Why are you doing it at all, you have a wife!"

"Hey, hey, Connie knows, Connie's fine." Steven rubbed his temples trying to decompress his father's rapid fire questions. "Amethyst and I have just fooled around a little. We haven't done that much."

"Babies don't happen from not doing much." Greg snapped back.

Steven was trying to compose himself when Vidalia spoke up. "Why are you so upset, Greg? You and Amethyst fooled around."

Steven felt his eyes almost shut like a vice grip. "I did not need that mental image."

Greg didn't expect to have that thrown in his face. "Th-that was a long time ago." He stuttered out in his defense	.

"Yea, how old were you? Twenty-two, twenty-three?" Vidalia rhetorically asked, "How old are you Steven? Twenty-two, twenty-three?"

Steven saw an opening to get the pressure off himself, "Oh my god, Dad, you cheated on Mom?"

"Th-tha, we never got married!" Greg tried to fire back.

"Does she even know how you betrayed her?" Steven tried to make his father seem as detestable as possible.

Vidalia laughed at how startled Greg looked. "What a hypocrite."

Steven straightened up. "Look, I don't even know if Amethyst is just acting weird or something more. That's why I came here, for answers, to try to figure stuff out. Not to be given shit for following in my Dad's footstep of getting a Gem pregnant."

Greg shook his head, "Oh man, I shouldn't have gotten angry there. It's just," Greg took a deep breath. "You are just growing up so fast. And Connie knows everything, right? You may be my son, but I'm not going to let you be a piece of shit to her."

"She knows. I don't think she's a hundred percent happy, but I'll try to make her that way. Including never doing anything that might make someone else pregnant." Steven reassured his father.

"That's my boy." Greg said as he scooted a bit closer to give Steven a half-hug from across the table.

Vidalia giggled, "If Steven's monogamous, then he defiantly ain't your kid."

"You need to quit flabbing your mouth if you want any more of my beer."

"I seriously don't need to hear about my dad's sex life."





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Steven slowly opened up his front door, almost like he was trying to sneak into his own house. The hinges didn't squeak as loudly as they normally do, so he considered that a win. He looked up and saw Connie and Pearl deeply engrossed in a conversation, with a sizzling pot of something filling the air with background noise and a delicious smell. Maybe sneaking wasn't even necessary.

"I told you the series was good, didn't I?"
"I never said I doubted you."
"It took you three months to start watching it, that's doubt right there."
"I'll have you know that I've been very occupied as of recent."
"You have an addiction to those cooking shows."
"I can stop anytime I want."

Steven stood tall and projected his voice to grab the room's attention. "Hey, what smells so good?"

"Steven!" Pearl and Connie both shouted and turned in unison. Pearl turned back to the stove and began stirring her pan as she explained, "I'm making spaghetti carbonara with broccolini and a caprese salad. They had a special on Italian food recently, and I wanted to try it out."

Steven took a elongated sniff over the half-cooked meal and commented, "You're getting so much better, maybe you'll make something good enough that you'll actually eat it."

"Oh hush," Pearl snapped back, before reaching into the fridge for more ingredients.

"So how'd the visit with your dad go?" Connie asked cautiously, reaching out to Steven.

Steven went around the counter to embrace Connie. "Well, I think I got bad news."

"Bad news if we want a baby, or bad news if we don't want a baby?"

"Wait," Steven backed away, "Do we want a baby?"

"Well, we are married..." Connie started. "I know a lot of my friend are having babies."

Steven stared at her, "Did your mother put you up to this?"

"What?" Connie fired back, "Why would you think that?"

"I seem to remember you saying that you never want a baby." Steven continued.

"I said I never wanted to be pregnant. There's a difference." Connie made her voice smaller in a way that she knew made Steven melt. "This could be a good compromise."

Steven had to take a moment to mentally play back the last few hours and try to recalculate his emotions with this new information before Pearl interjected. "What on Earth are you two talking about?"

Connie looked back and forth before asking Steven, "Do you think we should tell her?"

Steven shrugged. "I already told Dad, so might as well."

Connie straightened her back and looked at Pearl, "We think Amethyst might be pregnant."

"I'm almost sure Amy's pregnant." Steven added. "So good news if we want a baby?" Steven looked Connie, not really sure where his emotions should be.

Pearl stopped stirring to stare at the two humans, trying to remember all the signs that she was being pulled into one of these 'prank sessions' that's she's heard about. She looked around and didn't see any camera's, nor any sign that their emotions were changing to anything but serious, before looking at them and saying, "This is one of the weirder jokes you've ever done."

Connie turned her head to Steven, who was simply biting his upper lip. Steven explained, "It's not a joke. I mean, even you've commented on how weird Amy's been acting, like how she's thrown up the last several days. I talked to Dad, and he said that Rose didn't really know she was pregnant till she got the human symptom like morning sickness."

Pearl tried to wrap her head around the concept. "Well, if that's what Amethyst wants to do, more power to her."

"And that's the other thing." Connie started. "We think it's an accident, and I don't think Amethyst realizes yet."

Pearl was desperately trying to get this new information straight in her mind. "So, Amethyst had sex with a human?"

"Yes." Steven admitted.

"And now she's pregnant even though she had no intention of doing so?" Pearl added.

"Yes."

"And she doesn't even know she's pregnant?"

"Yes."

Pearl dropped the spatula onto the counter and started walking to the temple door as she held a hand over her stomach. "You- You've given me a lot to think about."

Steven and Connie looked back and forth at each other before Steven called out, "Umm, Pearl? You're in the middle of..."

Pearl didn't respond, she just opened her door and quickly shut it beind her.

Connie looked back towards Steven, "What was that about-"

Connie was cut off by a loud and sudden screaming coming from inside the temple.

Steven slammed his hand against his head. "I gotta see what happened. Can you finish dinner?"

"Um, ok. I'll try." Connie said as she got up and walked towards the stove. She turned back to see Steven hurriedly	 walking inside the temple. "Good luck."




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Sheena was in the middle of having a pleasant dream. At least, it felt like a pleasant dream. A dream about the rock concert so many years ago where she met the lovely and confusing Pearl. Except the speakers kept blaring this occasional loud feedback, that kept happening again and again and again until-

CRACK

Sheena woke up with a start to her midday nap, trying to look around to see if someone just broke in to her apartment, as unlikely as that could be. She eventually noticed a light flashing from the floor, that followed a small buzzing sound. She leaned over her bed to see her phone slowly crawling along with the vibrations, and realized that it must have buzzed itself right off her nightstand. But that would be crazy, how the hell would she be texted that much-

"A fifty-nine messages, holy shit." She whispered out to no one.

She opened it up and scrolled so she could read from the first unread message.

MY PEARL: I want you to know that I've always love you.
MY PEARL: As far as I understand the definitions of human love compared to the human definitions of affection, infatuation and lust.
MY PEARL: I don't regret a single moment of being with you, even though I may soon no longer exist. I love you.
THE STEVEN: First I want to apologize because I know that this is all my fault. But please ignore anything and everything that Pearl has to say right now.
MY PEARL: I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
MY PEARL: I know that I found it hard to enjoy our 'sexy time' together at first, but I defiantly loved being able to please you.
MY PEARL: And I know that me opening up to let you do sexy time to me has been important for our relationship.
THE STEVEN: This has just been a small misunderstanding but I'm trying to clear it up before things get out of hand.
MY PEARL: (I think I'm using this phrase right) I want to take our relationship to the next level.
MY PEARL: Oh, I think I'm suppose to get your permission before actually going to the next level.
MY PEARL: I might as well come out and say it. You're going to become a mother!
THE STEVEN: I wanna make this very clear that there is a zero percent chance that Pearl is pregnant	.
MY PEARL: Or, you might become a father, I'm not sure how exactly the terminology functions with humans.
THE STEVEN: I may or may not have, we are still in the process of verifying, made Amethyst pregnant.
MY PEARL: I'm having a baby! And it's yours!
THE STEVEN: If I did, I, a Half-human half-gem, did it by putting my penis and semen into her vagina. Sorry to be so straight forward vulgar.
MY PEARL: I think I'm suppose to congratulate you now. So congratulations!
THE STEVEN: Also to clarify, I did not put my penis or my semen near Pearl or her vagina.
MY PEARL: No, that's not right either, I think I'm the one that's suppose to be congratulated.
THE STEVEN: We have no reason to believe that a full human woman could impregnate a full gem.
THE STEVEN: Sorry about that if you did want a baby.
CONNIE: Hey, how you doing? You should come over and get a much more through explanation than we can explain through text and spaghitte carbonra(sp?)
THE STEVEN: If you did actually want a baby, maybe we could fuse or Rainbow Quartz and you could-
THE STEVEN: On second thought, Pearl is like a mother to me and I very much would prefer to not have sexual relations with her.
CONNIE: Oh aren't you vegan? I can't remember. But we have salad if you are.
THE STEVEN: A very necrotic mother who knows nothing about humanity and is freaking out because she might be pregnant for the first time.
MY PEARL: Ok, I just got back from speaking with Garnet, and I could not get her to congratulate me.
THE STEVEN: I want to reiterate that Pearl is not pregnant and Amethyst is pregnant
PURPLE GIRL: if you see anyone spreading rumors around that im pregnant can you punch them in the face for me?
CONNIE: Nevermind, this salad is like 50% cheese.
THE STEVEN: Then again, I did do stuff with Amethyst and I kinda see her as a sister
THE STEVEN: I guess if you guys really want a baby, I could maybe
MY PEARL: But it's ok, I got one of the holo-Pearls to do it!
PURPLE GIRL: cuz I AM NOT PREGNATE
THE STEVEN: No, my therapist says I have to learn to say no for myself and stop being a doormat.
CONNIE: I think I can find something for you that doesn't contain any animal byproduct.
THE STEVEN: I am not going to have sex with you and/or Pearl
PURPLE GIRL: just fat
MY PEARL: I know that might sound a little weird, but I've done it before.
THE STEVEN: Not that there would be anything wrong with having sex with you and/or Pearl
PURPLE GIRL: ive been fat for the last 4000 years idk what changed
THE STEVEN: Any guy and/or gal would be lucky to have sex with you and/or Pearl
CONNIE: If nothing else, we can order a vegetarian pizza for you.
THE STEVEN: I think I'm just going to shut up now.
MY PEARL: I know, I'll get Amethyst to congratulate me
CONNIE: Or are you gluten free? I feel really bad for not remembering
MY PEARL: I think I remember some human entertainment about women who become pregnant at the same time
MR. UNIVERSE: I know I've said this before, but if you need any help with this whole, 'dating a gem' thing, feel free to talk to me.
CONNIE: Well, in any case, we have frozen juice pops and a more thorough explanation of wtf is happening.
MR. UNIVERSE: Actually, we haven't talked in forever, we should catch up
PURPLE GIRL: i got some bad news,
PURPLE GIRL: i think pearl might be cheating on you with steven
MR. UNIVERSE: Do you like beer, poker, and cigars?
PURPLE GIRL: cuz idk how else she'd get preggers
MY PEARL: I don't think that Amethyst took that in the right way
PURPLE GIRL: also i punched your gf, but she deserved it for saying i was preggers
MY PEARL: Which is kinda a bummer, because I was looking forward to being 'Sister-Wives' with her.
MR. UNIVERSE: If you don't, that's fine, we don't have to catch up
GARNET: Do you want some advice?

Sheena looked at that last message for a moment. She didn't talk to the mysterious Garnet often, but when she did, it was often in the form of advice. Often advice that she later regretted not taking. She rearranged her body in her bed so she could text her reply with both hands.

SHEENA: Please

The reply was almost immediate.

GARNET: Turn off your phone.

Sheena actually thought that sounded like good advice. Not for everyone around her who was panicking for reasons she only had a loose grasp on, but for herself. She reached for the power button, and for a split second before the screen went black, she saw another message.

GARNET: Then throw your phone into the ocean.

That was advice that Sheena wasn't going to follow, even though she consciously knew that she was probably going to regret it later. But for the moment, she went back to sleep.









Steven slowly flipped the light pink box in his hand. "This is silly," He eventually commented.

"Well maybe we wouldn't be here if you kept it in your pants." Connie coldly replied.

"No, I mean, they only came in one packs, or three packs." Steven said shaking the box in his hand. "But we only need two."

"So why didn't you just buy two one packs?"

"Cuz it was cheaper to buy one three pack."

"Then why are you complaining?"

"Now we're going to have a random pregnancy test floating around." Steven said

"I'll use it if it'll make you feel better." Connie replied.

"But that'll just be-" Steven shook his head. "I don't even wanna think about you being pregnant right now."

"I don't know, I felt a little queasy this morning." Connie said as she grabbed her stomach.

"No, nonono!" Steven said as he grabbed Connie by the shoulders.

"Don't shake me kid, I have a medical condition!"

Steven and Connie stopped and stared at each other for a moment. Connie trying to suppress a grin and Steven wholly unamused.

Steven eventually spoke up. "Let's just get this over with."

The temple door opened at that moment. "Hey, got your text." Amethyst said as she walked in. "So what are we doing?"

Steven took a step towards her and held up the box. "You know what these are?"

"Not a clue."

"It's a pregnancy test. Should say weather or not you're pregnant." Steven said in a calm and informative voice.

"Ach, but I already know the answer to that. I can't be, you guys are just worked up over nothing." Amethyst said, dismissing this whole idea.

"Well then this should be easy then. Just take the test, it'll come back negative, and everyone around you will feel better." Steven tried to be a bit more forceful with his words.

"Wouldn't even do anything with me, I ain't human." Amethyst said while crossing her arms and turning away from the couple.

"That's why these come with two lines," Connie started off, "One to say if you're pregnant, one to say if it's working."

Amy looked back, considering it, but trying her best to not look like she was.

Steven folded his arms, "Don't make me hold you down."

"We'll do it too," Connie quickly added.

Steven turned to Connie, "I'm going to be the one holding her down, the only thing you can do is stand there and clap."

"I can help!" Connie retaliated, "I can, um-"

"Fine! I'll do it!" Amethyst blurted out. "Just tell me how." She said, holding her hand out.

Steven ripped open the end of the box and pulled out one of the individually wrapped sticks. "Here, you pee on this."

Amethyst pulled her hand back. "Ok, you guys are pulling a fast one on me."

Connie shrugged, "That's how it works, I've done it before."

Amethyst didn't want to try to process this information. "Ok, whatever. I'll pee on it." She said as she snatched it from Steven's hands. She looked it over for a moment before looking back and saying, "Does it matter which part I pee on?"

"Yea, you gotta pee on the, uh, um." Steven started, then turned to Connie, "can you show her?"

Connie grabbed Amethyst by the hand and lead her into the bathroom. Steven started following the two, before Connie stopped him at the bathroom door. "No, girls only."

Steven slowly blinked. "I've already seen everything..."

"And you don't need to see everything again." Connie said before closing the door on his face.

Steven could only stand and listen to the girls do what's necessary.

"Alright," Connie started off while unwrapping the test, "Pull down your pants and get on the toilet."

"You're boyfriend always gave me a kiss first." Amethyst said in an obviously playful voice.

Connie stomped on the ground, "He's my husband, and I'm never going to give you anything more sensual than a kiss on the forehead goodnight!"

"Gosh golly gee, we'll do it your way." Steven heard Amethyst say before hearing the sound of pants dropping to the floor.

"Oh." Connie said, suddenly taken aback. "Is that seriously what it looks like?"

"What?" Amethyst said with confusion. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's just so..." Connie trailed off. "Angular."

"Don't worry, I freaked out a little too when I first saw it." Steven added to the conversation through the door.

"What!" Amethyst said with much more anger. "You seemed to like it an awfully lot!"

"I can like it and think it looks funny at the same time." Steven replied matter of factly.

"How'd you even do anything with that?" Connie shouted out.

"It's- It's softer than it looks. Give it a feel." Steven shook his head immediately after saying that, knowing that it probably sounded wrong.

"I still don't understand what's wrong with it!" Amethyst shouted, obviously upset with the situation.

"What's going on?" A small voice said behind Steven.

Steven jumped a little more than he would like to admit, then turned back. "Oh hey Pearl. You get my text?"

"About the test? Yes." Pearl nodded her head so hard, it almost looked like a slight bow. "I-I've drunk some-" Pearl involuntary gulped. "-Fluids to help facilitate the test."

"Good, Connie is with Amethyst in there now, I'm sure Connie will help you when they're done." Steven put a hand on Pearl's shoulder. "You understand why we think Amethyst is pregnant and you're not, right?"

"Yes, but, from what I understand, this is a common part about relationships with humans?" Pearl said unsure of herself. "I feel I should do this anyways."

Steven weakly smiled. She's come so far, yet still has plenty to go.

Amethyst barged out of the bathroom, cursing under her breath the entire time. Connie walked up and leaned against the doorway, and said. "Hello Pearl, the doctor will see you now."

"You're turning into your mother." Steven quickly added.

Connie didn't respond until Pearl made her way into the bathroom. Once Connie could do so without being seen by Pearl, she stuck her tongue out at Steven, then slammed the door in his face.

Steven breathed for a moment, before Connie called out to him. "This one's different too."

"Different how?" Steven called back.

"It's like-" Connie struggled to find the right word. "Wavy."

"Is that good?" Pearl didn't exactly know what they were talking about.

"Wavy?" Steven asked. "Let me take a loo-" Steven tried to open the door, but it was slammed shut again before he could even open it an inch, quickly followed by it being locked as loud as possible.

"Girls only!"

"Never let me have any fun." Steven playfully called out. He almost instantly regretted the wording when Connie accusatory yelled back:

"You've already had your fun!"

Steven held his hands up and took a few steps back. He figured he ought to walk away before he gets any deeper in the doghouse. Didn't need to walk far before he saw Amethyst sitting on the couch, staring at a little plastic stick.

"Is two lines good, or bad?" Amethyst asked when she noticed Steven come into view.

Steven plopped himself onto the couch to look over her shoulder. Fuck. Two lines. What next? In the back of Steven's mind, he though that she was playing some convoluted prank, and used this as an excuse to not think about the 'What if she was pregnant?' 'What if she was on light duty then not around nine months from now?' 'What if I had a baby to take care of?' 'Would I be ok with that? Would Amethyst even want that?'

"Do you want to be pregnant?" Is what eventually did come from Steven's mouth.

"No!" Amethyst screeched incredulously. "Have some weird human mushroom growing inside me? Why would any gem want to be pregnant?"

"The only reason I'm here is because some gem wanted to be pregnant." As the words came from Steven, he realized it sounded a lot more cold than he meant it to. Especially when Amethyst turned back with tears in her eye before jumping up and running out the front door.

"Aren't you gonna go chase after her?" Connie spoke up.

Steven looked back towards her, then shrugged his shoulders. "Last time I did, she threw a car at me. I find it's better to let her blow off steam."

Connie sat down on the couch, as close to Steven as she could manage. "I take it she didn't like the results?"

Steven took a moment before answering. "You think it's possible that she's good enough at pranking that she can make a pregnancy test read a false positive?"

Connie took in a deep breath. "I feel like I haven't hit you enough."

"That fair." Steven put an arm around her, partially so she couldn't get her arms out for a good swing. "How'd it go in there?"

"She peed on a stick." Connie shrugged. "We still got to wait a few minuets for results."

"I feel like I'm forgetting something." Steven absentmindedly said.

"It's going to be alright." Connie replied.

They stayed in silence snuggled up, before watching Pearl come out of the bathroom to sit down at a stool in kitchen. They watched as she gave a small sigh and a large frown looking at another piece of plastic that made Amethyst so angry.

"Oh my god," Steven said under his breath. "I'm going to have to fuck her."

"What are you talking about?" Connie said, starting to dig her nails through the thin material of Steven's t-shirt.

"Look how sad she is, she really wanted to be mother." Steven started out.

"Steven." Connie tried to convey 'warning' in her voice as much as she could.

Steven simply wrapped his arm tighter around her and continued. "You know how much I don't like seeing my friends sad, I'm going to have to put a baby in her."

"Steven!" Connie started failing around, mostly with her legs as her arms were tightly held to Steven's body.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Steven said inbetween giving kisses to Connie's neck and cheek. "If anyone wants my babies, they're going to have to go through you."

Connie calmed down for a moment. "I'm not really sure what I want in regards to babies. Becoming pregnant, not becoming pregnant and having someone else become pregnant all seem to have there negatives."

Steven started to stroke her head gently. "We'll figure something out." As he sat there, something had started to bother Steven enough that he pulled out his phone.

STEVEN: Hey Garnet, what am I forgetting?
PERIDOT: Hey Garnet said you were going to come over soon, is that still happening?

"Ahhh" Steven grabbed his temples from the sudden headache. Garnet had a habit of pre-typing a response to whatever you were about to ask her. Then sending it technically before you sent your message, so there was often less than a second gap between sending your message to her and receiving her reply. It made Steven's head hurt thinking about it on a normal day. But this also had the layer of Garnet talking Peridot at least an hour earlier, and Peridot finally getting nervous enough to text Steven so he would get her text within a split second after he texted Garnet. Adding on top of that the realization that he had done the nasty with Peridot and needed to go test her as well, which was probably enough to give him a headache on his own.

Connie caught a glance at Steven's phone, then punched him. "I don't think I've given you one of those for messing around with Peridot."

Steven launched himself off the couch, headed towards the warp pad. Connie followed close behind, before suddenly running into the bathroom and running back to make sure she caught up to Steven before he left.

Connie waved the familiar pink box around. "Do you still regret getting a three pack?"

Steven glanced over before sighing. "I have too many regrets."

WOOSH