Not For You

You were not supposed to be written about. You were supposed to be forgotten, locked away, and never thought or spoken of again. You did not deserve to have a piece of me written on paper, nor do you deserve to have something dedicated to you.


And yet here I am, trying to think of words to say. About you. Again.


But I realize that this letter was long due. It had to be written down or else it would haunt me forever and you would still be in my mind even though I've long been forgotten in yours.

And so for tonight, I will switch back to old routine.

...

I wonder, do you often think about me?

Do you think about those times when it was just us and we were happy? You were focused yet you didn't have a care in the world. "Mine," was the word and you always said it back. Tell me, do you think about the last time you told me that and you just stopped?

Did you ever think about the exact moment when you got caught up in life, and baby I tried to break through your world but those walls stood up too high and I was too weak.


I saved every conversation we had. Every message and call and everything between and I'm only re-reading them and listening again after such a long time. I thought I would feel my heart clench again. I thought I would feel that dreaded emptiness I felt when you left and told me you no longer loved me.

But you know what?

When I listened to your voice again, I no longer recognized it. Maybe it's a good thing-- you fading away in my memories. It seems only fair that you will no longer be in my mind when I was long gone from yours.


It's 1:30 am in the morning, and as I'm trying to think of a good way to end this letter about you and trying to say the farewell that went so badly last time, I realize that maybe this isn't about you at all.

Maybe it's about me.

Maybe it isn't the letter that you deserved,

But it was the one that I needed.