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- FractalFluff, February 27, 2014; 07:52 / FB 18580
- =======================================================================================================================================
- >Be a fine, upstanding fluffy owner.
- >Loving, responsible, blah blah all that hugbox crap.
- >Your mare, Bruna, is a great fluffy in may ways.
- >She's sweet, affectionate, a wonderful mother to her foals.
- >Unfortunately she's also a knucklehead.
- >Even by fluffy standards.
- >If brains were dynamite, Bruna couldn't even blow her nose.
- >She foaled fairly recently
- >Four lovely, healthy girls, all doing well.
- >But an unfortunate quirk of fate led to the smallest of them being called Last.
- >Bruna's tiny fluffy brain takes this to mean that the pegasus is her last baby.
- >If Last is out of her sight, she can't be a mother anymore.
- >It's confusing for the foal and devastating for her.
- >The foals are marginally brighter than their mother
- >Last understands that she needs to stay close to Bruna
- >Or Bruna "has bigges saddies".
- >She's very good about it, usually
- >Even though they're almost old enough to be weaned, and getting to that adventurous stage.
- >You've stuck some of those colourful magnetic letters to the fridge door
- >They've grasped the concept of "letters" and "writing"
- >Even get some of the names and sounds right
- >Although the alphabet song defeats them.
- >Their version is a potluck, but usually goes something like:
- >"Ay bee see dee effy... dee... jay... lemonopy... tee... wy... bee... ZED! Sketties?"
- >(Yes, the Roman alphabet is now under 20 characters long, and goes from A to Sketties.)
- >They probably won't ever learn to read;
- >But they're happy, and that's what matters.
- >They like to play with the letters while you cook
- >Their favourite game is arranging them into random groups
- >Then asking you to read back the gibberish they've created.
- >Apparently hearing you try to pronounce "Mrngl uop cbst" or "Hdelfsmt" is the height of comedy.
- >They roll on the floor, kicking their hooves and clutching at their pudgy tummies.
- >Things take a turn for the worse when Last falls ill.
- >Complains of "feewin sickies" and having "tummeh owwies, Daddah!"
- >Careful questioning reveals that she's swallowed at least two of the magnetic letters.
- >You groan inwardly.
- >It seems she thought the "fwidgy wettups" looked like the alphabet noodles you sometimes give them for a treat.
- >Decided to see if they "tasties wike sketties."
- >You know how serious this could be.
- >Last needs the vet, ASAP
- >You look at the panic on Bruna's fluffy face and realize you can't leave her behind.
- >You bundle the whole fluffy family into their carrier and drive them to the vet.
- >The scan reveals that it's not too serious
- >She's chewed up the plastic casing and swallowed that, but must have spat out the actual magnets.
- >Still, she's very unwell, and the vet wants to keep her in overnight.
- >You explain the "wastest baby" issue
- >The vet is sympathetic, being familiar with fluffy logic, but Last really needs to stay over
- >And right now, there's just no room for her mother to stay there too.
- >You go back to the carrier, ready to take your girls home
- >"Miwkies, mummah? Pwease gif miwkies! Babbeh gut tummeh owwies," you hear Chiffon plead.
- >Rosy and Bluebell join in.
- >"Nu can gif miwkies, babbehs. Nu mowe am mummah," you hear Bruna say sadly.
- >Nothing you say can persuade Bruna to let her foals nurse.
- >This is ridiculous.
- >You speak to the receptionist, asking if she'll phone through to the vet for advice
- >But she's with another patient now.
- >In any case, the receptionist insists that there's not much that can be done.
- >"All I can suggest is a substitute," she says.
- >The vet's assistant is collared on her way through reception
- >And detailed to help you out.
- >"Here, let's see if she'll take this little fellow," she says.
- >She's holding a toy foal with purple fluff.
- >"Nothing as sophisticated a Fluffcker's, of course; he's basically just a modified cat toy. Voice chip lets him talk, and a small motor makes him wriggle."
- >She presses the "foal"'s tummy firmly with one thumb.
- >Its eyes flash a couple of times.
- >She holds the foal's head up to her mouth like a microphone.
- >"Babbeh name am Wastest," she says, then thumbs the hidden button again.
- >"Babbeh name am Wastest," repeats the foal
- >The pitch of her voice has been shifted
- >It sounds like the high, cartoony voice of a fluffy:
- >"It has a couple of other pre-programmed phrases, like 'miwkies', 'wuv mummah' and so on," she elaborates,
- >"And those play at random. But you can bring up the custom phrase at any time by pushing the stomach twice. Press and hold to go back to random. There's a random 'sleep' function that will turn it off completely for a while now and then, but you can have it sleep or wake up by squeezing its hindquarters." She demonstrates.
- >"Babbeh sweeepee..." drawls the foal, closing its eyes.
- >"Gotcha."
- >She gives it a spritz of Foal-So-Good anti-rejection spray.
- >Makes babies smell like the bestest baby on its best day ever!
- >According to fluffy test subjects.
- >To you, it has a mild caramel odour
- >Like the scent of a human baby's pate.
- >You take the "foal" over to the carrier.
- >'Wake it up' by squeezing its butt
- >Not something you'd want to try with a real fluffy
- >Then show it to your fluffies.
- >"Hey, fluffies, I brought a new baby to visit you."
- >The fillies don't seem to know what to make of it.
- >They don't recognize it as a toy
- >But there's none of the "Nyu fwend!" and "Huggies?" prattle that usually accompanies an encounter with an unknown foal.
- >Bruna is completely taken in, though.
- >"Wha... babbeh? Yu am pwetty babbeh."
- > *snf* *snf*
- >"Yu am smeww vewwy pwetty!"
- >She leans in
- >Inhales the toy's smell for a long moment
- >Nostrils flaring
- >You want to laugh
- >She's basically huffing the baby.
- >She opens dilated eyes and asks: "Whewe... whewe yu mummah, babbeh?"
- >"You're his mummah now."
- >"Dat... nu... huh?"
- >"He doesn't have a mummah. He'd like you to be his mummah."
- >"Dat am a vewwy pwetty babbeh... an am smeww suuuuu pwetty... Bwuna wan dat babbeh be Bwuna's..."
- >"He's a very good baby. He wants to come and be your foal."
- >After blinking rapidly for a while, crossing her eyes with the effort of trying to integrate this new information, she says:
- >"Buh... nu can be mummah... nu haf wastest babbeh..."
- showtime.nes
- >Press the button X2
- >Doll does its thing.
- >"Babbeh name am Wastest!"
- >She draws in her breath like someone watching a fireworks display.
- >"Babbeh am wastest babbeh?"
- >*press press*
- >"Babbeh name am Wastest!"
- >"OooOOOooOOooh..." She starts to reach for him, then stops.
- >"Buh... buh wah happen uffew Wastest babbeh? Wuv uffew Wastest babbeh tuu!"
- >"Last needs to stay here tonight, Bruna. The nice doctor-lady and her friends want to make sure all her tummy-owwies are gone. She can come home with us tomorrow."
- >"Mummah... mummah miss puwpuw Wastest Babbeh..."
- >"I know, Bruna. I'll miss her too. But we'll see her in the morning, and then she'll be all better."
- >"Otay..." she says, a little sadly.
- >She really does care for the filly, over and above her mystical worth as the Last Baby.
- >*press'n'hold*
- >"Mummah!" says the baby. "Babbeh wub."
- >She coos, and gathers it to her chest.
- >"It otay nao, babbehs," she tells the three unhappy fillies.
- >"Mummah haf wastest babbeh, an nu mowe am nu mowe mummah!"
- >The fillies attempt to parse this.
- >They fail.
- >The huuhuus start.
- >"Babbehs come an haf miwkies nao!" she clarifies.
- >There's a slight scrum as three hungry foals compete for two pony udders
- >But by the time you have them loaded back into the car, everyone's settling down.
- >"Babbeh wub," you hear from the back where the carrier is strapped.
- >"Mummah wuv yu tuu, Wastest Babbeh!"
- >"Mummah! Huggies!"
- >"Mummah hewe, Wastest Babbeh! Gif wotsa huggies."
- >"Babbeh wub."
- >"Mummah wuv yu tuu, Wastest Babbeh."
- >This could get repetitive.
- >But it's still better than the tears and panic you usually have to deal with when Last is out of her sight.
- >The next day, you're able to leave everyone in the saferoom while you go to pick up Last.
- Last is a little wobbly and still somewhat uncomfortable
- >Having passed a difficult night — and some difficult poopies
- >With the help of a lot of castor oil.
- >"What did we learn about the fridgie-letters, Last?" you ask her, as you carry her from the car.
- >"Fwidgie-wettups nu am nummies, Daddah."
- >"Are you going to try and num the fridgie-letters again?"
- >"Nu, Daddah! Gif wowstest tummeh-owwies, an den poopies aww scwatchy on poopie-pwace! Nu wike meanie poopies. Nu gonna num wettups 'gain, wess dey sketties."
- >"That's my good girl."
- >You bring her in to rejoin her mother and sisters
- >There's a comedic interlude as Last is introduced to Wastest.
- >"Babbeh name am Wastest!"
- >"Oooh! Dat Babbeh name tuu!"
- >"Wuv Mummah!"
- >"Ooo! Yu am MUS' be bwuddah! Babbeh wuv Mummah tuu?"
- >"The coincidences just keep mounting up, don't they, Last?"
- >"...Huh?"
- >You ruffle her thick black shock of a mane.
- >"Have fun with your new brother, Last. I'm going to make some spaghetti for tea."
- >You close the saferoom door as your fluffies give four cheers for "SKETTIES!"
- >And one for "Wub."
- ***
- >"Wastest" seems to produce a shift in Bruna's attitude overall.
- >She's still a very attentive fluffy mummah
- >But as long as the toy is close by
- >She's able to let Last run and play without watching her like a hawk every second.
- >Last is greatly enjoying the freedom to rove.
- >"Gud babbeh," says Bruna happily. "Wuv Wastest babbeh."
- >She's watching her foals play and "nursing" Wastest.
- >She doesn't seem to notice that he's only gumming, not actually drinking.
- >You plan on finding new homes for the girls once they're fully grown
- >You suspect that Wastest is going to make that a lot easier.
- ***
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