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  1. [Don't read aloud]
  2. Phrases in brackets [like this] are markers for instructions e.g. subs, tactics.
  3. The team is designed to throw the game with golden spoon cup tactics until the opponent goes 1-0 up, then sub in Gordon Ramsay for Deluded Owner and go to Preset 2 so Gordon can save the restaurant. This pastebin is just a dramatic way of saying "Start on Preset 1, best conditioned subs, go +2, and when we start losing, go to Preset 2, turn off +2, sub in Gordon Ramsay, then do remaining subs at 65.
  4.  
  5. Please read the rest of the /grkn/ pastebin aloud for the viewers.
  6.  
  7. Episode 1: /piemonte/
  8.  
  9. Today, Chef Ramsay is visiting Piemonte Calcio, a small, family run Italian restaurant in Turin. The teams manager, Maurizio Sarri, claims that his methods have been tried and tested, but after inheriting the restaurant, things have gone from bad to worse. Piemonte is bleeding money, overstaffed, and their reputation in tatters following a match fixing scandal. Can Chef Ramsay save this team?
  10.  
  11. [Pre Game]
  12.  
  13. "Welcome to Piemonte, Chef"
  14. "Pleasure to be here in this beautiful part of the country. So, be honest, what do you think the problems are here?"
  15. "The manager."
  16. "The manager? Really? What about him"
  17. "He's arrogant, he thinks his tactics are unstoppable."
  18. "Well, I'll be the judge of that. Give me a preset 1 to start, then i'll have the best conditioned substitutes, and to finish, I'll go +2"
  19. "I'll get that and start the game for you right away. Would you like anything for concession?"
  20. "Yeah, I'll have some changes when we start losing too."
  21. "I'll make a note of that."
  22.  
  23. [When losing]
  24.  
  25. After Gordon's absolute disaster start to the day, and his shocking lunch in Piemonte, Gordon has decided that now that the team are losing the match, it's time to sub himself in, take over from the Deluded Owner, with the gold player Chef Ramsay coming off the bench to make an attempt to right this ship.
  26. "Sarri, I'm going to be honest with you about today. It was terrible. Just... terrible."
  27. "That's your opinion."
  28. "That +2 was terrible, we're going to remove it immediately
  29. "I have people tell me every day that they love the +2, it's one of our most popular tactics"
  30. "You're in denial."
  31. "I'm not in denial! People tell me they love my first preset on +2."
  32. "We're going to get rid of the +2 and use our Preset 2 from here on out. I'm here to help you, Sarri. You need to be willing to change for this to work."
  33. "Ok, we'll try it, we'll go to the Preset 2."
  34.  
  35. [Subs when the other team does them to save time]
  36.  
  37. Gordon is seeing Maurizio Sarri slipping back into his old ways, and his staff have had enough. The two most tired employees have quit, complaining about their unpaid wages, tips being stolen, and excessive overtime. Gordon has called in a favour from one of his friends in the area to help with tonight's dinner service.
  38. "Right, the two of you are going to replace these two who couldn't handle the pressure. You're being substituted in to carry this team to the next level. You know how to operate in a high stress environment, I trust you with this."
  39. "Yes Chef!"
  40.  
  41.  
  42.  
  43.  
  44. Episode 2: /5/
  45.  
  46. This week, Gordon visits Cinco, a Mexican restaurant run by five members of the Exodia family. Specializing in their Five Guys burgers, these five relatives find themselves constantly infighting, unable to put aside their differences and get together, but worst of all, doing it in front of the customers.
  47. "Tell them to get out of the restaurant if they don't like it!"
  48. "You can't drive away customers that we already don't have!"
  49. "We've got more customers than wins, see the connection here?"
  50. "Fucking hell, is it always this welcoming here?"
  51. "Chef Gordon! Welcome to Cinco, I'm the Left Arm"
  52. "And what's your job around here?"
  53. "The forbidden one"
  54. "Oh I see, you're the Left Arm of the Forbidden One."
  55. "That's right."
  56. "Well, lets get a menu, sit down and see where we should start this game."
  57. "Oh course, let me sit you down here, here's our specials menu, I recommend the +2
  58. "Alright, let's go with the +2, I'll take the Substitutions as well, served by best condition. Is the Preset 3 made in house?"
  59. "It's frozen, Chef"
  60. "Then I'll avoid that and we'll start on Preset 1 today"
  61. "Of course"
  62.  
  63. [When losing]
  64. "You're all supposed to be a family! You mean to tell me that there's five of you and not only can you not get along with your kin, the five of you can't even put together a single fucking bright idea to save the restaurant?"
  65. "We thought that having a 2 for 1 special on Benuldies would drive business"
  66. "You can always go to benuldies! Anywhere in the city! Hell, it's usually free for a reservation, you don't know your head from your arse!"
  67. "Of course I don't! I don't want to be a part of the Exodia family restaurant! I'm here because my parents make me!"
  68. "That's not true. We let him do what he wants."
  69. "You make me work here for hours a day and don't pay me enough to do anything in life!"
  70. "We don't have enough money in the business to pay for anyone to go anywhere in life!"
  71.  
  72. Chef Gordon senses that the bitter family divide is only going to get worse, and past the point of repair, if he doesn't find a way to turn things around at Cinco.
  73.  
  74. "We're going to start fresh tonight. We're going to do a change of presets, we'll run on Preset 2 instead of Preset 1, and we're going to take off the +2 and try and simmer down all the aggression. Exodia, I'm going to ask you to leave and work out the front tonight, we're going to sub out the Deluded Owner and put in Gordon Ramsay to take charge of tonight's dinner service. Is that ok?"
  75. "Whatever it takes to make this place work, Chef."
  76.  
  77. [Subs]
  78.  
  79. With Gordon finally managing to regain control over /5/'s restaurant, it's finally time for him to get the family back together, working in unison and splitting the burden so nobody feels burned out over the stress of running a restaurant pushed to the brink of collapse.
  80. "Ok, look, you've done a great job tonight, but you're looking tired, and we're going to sub the two of you out and bring in the two fresh guys who have been working the tables all night off the bench to see us through the night. Two of you out, two of you in, and hopefully we can finish off the full 90 minutes in style.
  81. "Yes Chef!"
  82.  
  83.  
  84.  
  85. Episode 3 - /seriea/
  86.  
  87. Gordon is in the old Italian district as he visits Serie A, a restaurant that has been running for over 90 years, seeing through generations of people in the town. Lately, it's fallen under hard times, struggling for competition against the Premier League, Bundesliga and La Liga. Still, Gordon sees potential in this once great empire of Italian cooking.
  88.  
  89. "Chef Gordon, Welcome to Serie A"
  90. "Don't I recognize you?"
  91. "Beg pardon?"
  92. "I'm sure I recognize you. Weren't you working at Piemonte earlier this tournament?"
  93. "I've never heard of Piemonte, Chef. My name's Juventus. What can I get you?"
  94.  
  95. With Gordon perplexed by the first impressions of the restaurant, he meets several other members of the staff.
  96. "So, what are your names?"
  97. "Milan"
  98. "Napoli"
  99. "Lazio"
  100. "Lovely. How many of you are there?"
  101. "20."
  102. "20? In a restaurant this sized? No wonder you're struggling for money compared to the English Premier League"
  103. "We do change staff a lot. We recently lost Benevento last season."
  104. "Lost? Did he die?"
  105. "You could say he died."
  106. "They're Relegated"
  107. "Fucking hell."
  108. "Right, lets get down to business. You're an Italian restaurant, so you'll know all about rigging. Lets rig up something fantastic for today's game. I'll start with the Tattica Uno, I've never seen a restaurant call their Preset 1 a Tattica Uno before. Bloody hell."
  109. "Is that all?"
  110. "Yeah I'll take the best conditioned substitutions, hopefully they're done manually and not by autolineup. And we'll finish with the +2. That's not a very Italian classic a +2, is it? You're more known for your -2."
  111. "We like to try something different here in the Serie A."
  112. "Well I'm sure you'd like to try making a profit for once too."
  113.  
  114. [When losing]
  115.  
  116. Chef Gordon is at his breaking point. The incompetence of the majority of the 20 staff has tipped him over the edge. While some of the staff like Atalanta show real drive to succeed, the rest seem to just be happy to be there.
  117.  
  118. "Look at this! Parma, You've given up! Italy's given up!"
  119. "I've not given up"
  120. "You're in the relegation zone! You're playing conservative pressing! How can you say that's not giving up!?"
  121. "Parma's given up Chef."
  122. "Oh don't you chirp up, Milan, you've been bleeding money harder than anyone here with your addiction to signing players. You need help! You're going to fail financial fair play!"
  123. "There's a line you don't cross Gordon"
  124. "Oh fuck off, you need to hear the truth, all of you need to hear the truth, you're delusional! How do you expect to take on Bayern Munich in the Champions League if you don't sort this out!?"
  125. "How are we supposed to compete with Bayern Munich?"
  126. "You did it in the past! You used to be the best league in the world! Now look at you, you're playing Mario Balotelli, and Fabio fucking Quagliarella has been here since you opened 90 years ago, you've not changed a thing!"
  127. "We've hired Roberto Mancini, chef"
  128. "Fuck me. You're insane."
  129. "I'm not insane."
  130. "You can't even take one of the greatest restaurants in the world and qualify for a World Cup! What are you doing all your life!?"
  131. "I don't know Chef. Maybe we're just not good enough anymore. Maybe our time has passed."
  132. "Oh fucking hell, you really have given up."
  133.  
  134. Verona and SPAL have begun breaking down crying as Lazio calls them both sensitive faggots while berating his management for signing black staff. Chef Gordon Doesn't see an end in sight to this dysfunctional restaurant.
  135.  
  136. "I have one idea left to save this restaurant, and I need you all to get on board with it. We need to go to Preset 2 and remove +2, sub in Gordon Ramsay to save this restaurant. You've all seemingly given up, but I'm not going to let such a historic restaurant go under. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I do."
  137.  
  138. [Subs]
  139.  
  140. "Chef, two of our teams have been relegated by the Italian FA for match fixing and financial collapse. We need to replace them soon."
  141. "Take two from the bench and put them on. At first I thought this whole 20 team thing was bizarre, but the Serie A works best with it, so we need to replace our two players with two fresh ones that can help rejuvinate this team.
  142. "Can we bring back Benevento?"
  143. "Milan has PTSD about Benevento"
  144. "Because he died?"
  145. "He didn't die, he raped her."
  146. "Oh."
  147. "Just sub out the two most tired players."
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