ACCESS DENIED | BOXACHE (2)

            —   나는너를더이상싶지않아
           “idontwannabeyouanymore”

» wattpad user & name i can call you by: boxass i mean ache *@boxache
» slot: BABYBOY
» backup slot: LAMBO

» birth name: jo sungha
» nicknames for slot/who calls them that: “sunny”. it’s a playful twist on his name that LAMBO originally created (nicknames were out of the norm in sungha’s childhood), but eventually, all characters will grow accustomed to using it.
» birthdate and age: november 3, 1999: age 18
» birthplace: seoul, south korea

» height: 165 cm, 5’5 ft
» weight: 50.3 kg, 111 lbs

            —   배꼽 통증
           “bellyache”

» face claim: @hyo_h9
» backup face claim: @oh_b0y_

» body type: skinny, “fragile”: sungha’s frame is considerably lithe, with the slightest femininity to his hips and legs. his limbs, specifically hands, are “graceful without effort”, as people have previously noted to him, with long thin fingers and soft palms. although still retaining its adultish sharpness, his face is relatively round and symmetric.
» notable scars/birthmarks: no /physical/ scars; has a large birthmark in the shape of a crescent on his nape
» outfit: thin gray sweater over a collared white polo, black jeans, white and light blue (slightly worn down) converse flats.
» other bodily accessories: small, silver hooped earrings, round reading glasses (they’re useful, seeing as he’s farsighted, but not catastrophic if he were to lose them)

            —   인질
           “hostage”

» personality: to him, perfect isn’t unreachable. and he needs to be perfect.
in the eyes of friendly parents, doting teachers, and appreciative elders, sungha is the perfect child: quiet, obedient, readily selfless and compassionate, indescribably beautiful. he’s the kid that mothers point to on the playground, turn to their misbehaving children, and scold, “be like him. be like jo sungha.” but he’s also the boy with furious scratch marks on his protruding ribs and salty tears running down his cheeks, because the expectations he’s set for himself is /too much/.
sungha is an achiever: spotless academics, versed in all types of extracurricular clubs, talented and humble with a pretty face. he’s determined to reach what he sets, even if that means slogging away on a science project into the ungodly hours of night, or scrubbing at the almost faded pores on his face until the surrounding skin turns red, or killing his body.
killing his body: it’s a funny term. because he’s killing his mind, too.
his body dysmorphia and anxiety—sparked from an incident in his late middle school years—completely controls his lifestyle, from simple things like what he packs for lunch or wears, to enormous problems like skipping prom because his belt made his stomach look the slightest millimeter too big. behind closed doors and the safety of outside compliments, sungha destroys himself, slaving away to the idealistic image in his mind that doesn’t match what he sees in the mirror. his eyes grow red from tears, throat raw from cries of frustration, skin numb from constant scratching, abusing, shaping. he’s an attention whore. he needs the praise to keep going.
sungha isn’t good with confrontation; it took him months to finally spill his feelings to the grade counselor after she found sungha sobbing silently into a school bathroom sink. he tends to avoid and postpone subjects rather than directly approaching them. his feelings are easily hurt and triggered, though he doesn’t exactly show it upfront. unfortunately, being a master of hiding his true thoughts and emotions, it takes someone extremely close to sungha to actually understand and help him.

» family: JO AYEONG| sister | 4 | age 29 ; JO ISANG | brother | 4 | age 27 ; JO HYEONA | sister | 5 | age 24 ; JO EOJIN | mother | 2 | age 58 ; JO BOSEON | father | 2 | age 60

» background: every day, there’s a new note on his locker with a cheap candy bar taped to the paper, some anonymous confession from an acquainted girl or boy (both are equally likely). every day, there’s a new admiring comment on his latest instagram post—”what a cutie! he’s perfect!”—, or a flurry of likes. every day, there’s a passerby that spends a bit longer than usual looking at his face.
but it’s never enough.
from a young age, sungha was fawned over, placed on a diamond pedestal by family and friends alike. outside of his home, he grew up being reminded of his unfathomable beauty, the softness of his skin and features, the delicate sound of his voice. he’s pretty: remarkably so. and growing up surrounded by the androgynous beauty standards of south korea, sungha’s mind was drilled with the relentless compliments, the admiring stares, the—sometimes mocking—comments of boyish classmates.
but that was different, far, far, different, than his own household. with three siblings, all several years older, and a pair of unresponsive, neglecting, and almost emotionally destructive parents, it wasn’t like sungha’s home shone the limelight on him. in fact, being the youngest actually gave his parents a “reason”, almost, to neglect him; they had already raised three other kids successfully, so shouldn’t their last be the same? often times, sungha was left without a ride home from school—”sorry, your mother forgot”—, leaving him to walk the five miles home. sometimes, dinner would be left to him and, from as early as age ten, he would be required to go, himself, to the store and buy food. and every single day, his parents left to their part-time jobs that lasted whole days without a single word.
but it isn’t like sungha’s parents were particularly kind to their older children, either. he’s heard plenty of arguments from behind the safety of his thin, closed door, words soaked in hatred and absolute animosity: “we’re giving you a house and food! we’re giving you a life! be grateful that you have parents as good to you as us.” so it’s no surprise that when sungha’s last sibling left to university, every tie between the family and sungha’s siblings was completely cut. and that included sungha himself, too.
so he decided to look for other sources of attention—and that was the outside world.
sungha craved the compliments, the stares, the love notes that started as early as elementary school. they made him feel appreciated: wanted: loved. they fulfilled all of the voids his family had failed to fill. and day by day, sungha found himself grasping harder and harder to that attention he loves so dearly—wearing neater, cuter clothes, purchasing all types of skin cleansers, regulating his food intake down to the calorie. by middle school, he was obsessed, intoxicated: he needed the attention to live through his neglecting home, his emotionally abusive and manipulate parents, his lack of life behind the curtains of his cluttered apartment. he would do anything to keep it, even if that meant living up to unrealistic expectations every minute of his days.
and then, at age fourteen, in the middle of changing clothes in the locker rooms for gym class, a classmate leaned over and whispered, “huh, your stomach looks a little pudgy, don’t you think?”
and every compliment, every praise, every raise of his self-esteem came crashing down.
it shouldn’t have been a big deal. it was just one comment: and from the way his classmate was devilishly smirking, it was clearly a lie to break him down, bit by bit. but to sungha, it meant everything. it meant that the attention he craved oh so much would completely disappear; “people want to look at flaws, not perfection”. it meant he wasn’t enough.
ever since that comment, sungha began to notice things: notice how, if he looked closely enough, the appreciative stares he used to love now seemed to be glares of judgment. how the loves notes seemed to mock him. how the lenses of his glasses weren’t enough to hide his tears on particularly bad days.
three months later, sungha’s body dysmporphia emerged.

» current status: a senior at a particularly large seoul high school. his time, aside from being spent perfecting his body, is usually taken up by his participation in an extensive range of clubs. his social life is fairly active, though he often opts out of parties or events because he can’t find the perfect outfit to accompany his “awfully pudgy” stomach that day (his illness focuses primarily on his abdomen). has several friends, but none remarkably close. sungha’s body dysmorphia isn’t on the extreme spectrum, but it certainly isn’t something to be considered lightly; his grade counselor forced sungha’s parents, with several prodding phone calls, to book a psychiatrist for him, who he regularly visits (weekly). takes medication for his severe anxiety that is required for him to stay stable. undiagnosed depression, but sungha’s psychiatrist later does see clear indications of it in his behavior. his body dysmorphia plays an enormous part in sungha’s life; it will take an extreme amount of time to help him fully out of his mental disorder.

[ L I S T  F O R M ]
» interests/hobbies:
    > strong interest towards fashion/designing
    > enjoys listening to classical/instrumental music; helps him calm down
    > likes doodling small pictures in strange places (the backs of napkins, library cards, backs of cereal boxes)
    > bird watching
    > loves night gazing/strolling. he thinks the sky is flawless at night when you can’t see the pollution well.
    > loves playing with kids; they don’t know how to be mean yet
» dislikes/fears:
    > dislikes being alone. being the only one in the house most of the time allows his mind to completely go haywire with his imperfections and problematic thoughts
    > doesn’t like running, though he isn’t necessarily bad at it
    > hates when people argue/shout/accuse, won’t be able to hand a group conflict
    > fears people disliking/hating him (self explanatory)
    > fears for the day that his flaws will grow too “big”
    > hates being in unsanitary/unclean situations, has to be well groomed
» skills/attributes:
    > extremely motivated; reaches the goals he can
    > fairly agile; since he’s thin and small, he’d be able to reach through narrow/difficult places
    > quick-thinking and factually intelligent
    > controlling his words
    > listening/cooperating to people, goes with the flow
    > an extremely good follower
    > is fairly good at scavenging/finding things quickly, a skill he’s adapted from his life of taking care of himself
» trivia/other facts:
    > he loves the feeling of accomplishment, hence why he’s always busy
    > pouts his lips subconsciously when he’s animatedly speaking
    > has a bubbly, infectious laugh
    > twists his hands/hem of his shirt when he’s nervous or lying
    > a sucker for american baseball: has a card collection at home and carries a particularly rare one everywhere he goes like a luck charm
    > eyes crinkle into thin crescents when he’s smiling/happy
    > craves verbal more than physical affection
    > cooks most of his food (it’s healthier that way)
    > loves ice-cream, though he prohibits himself from ever eating it

            —   모방자
           “copycat”

[ O P T I O N A L ]
» mental diseases/disorders/illnesses: body dysmorphic disorder, anxiety, undiagnosed depression. elaborated on further in earlier sections. his parents don’t play a large part in his mental wellbeing.
» physical disorders: none, aside from being underweight (minor issue)
» mini playlist for your slot:
    > bare: wildes
    > flawless: the neighbourhood
    > idontwannabeyouanymore: billie eilish
    > sorry: halsey
    > oceans: seafret

[ Q & A ]
» can they lift heavy objects?
no; he gets lightheaded just lugging his backpack up the stairs.
» can they run fast?
more or less; he can’t run for long amounts of time, though.
» can they handle pain?
yes; from all the torture he’s done to his body, he’s somewhat immune.
» can they see blood?
yes, even in large amounts, but scarring gets him hysterical (adds to his “flaws”).
» what are their beliefs?
> beauty is pain; his most cliche, and most followed, moral.
> he shouldn’t burden/cause other people pain. this somewhat selfless idea creates numerous problems throughout his lifetime
> forgiveness over revenge
> “only others can give you happiness” (attention complex)
> justice shouldn’t overlap understanding
» what’s their motivation?
to be perfect: to be the conventionally beautiful idol he’s formulated throughout all his years and countless expectations. he wants to keep receiving the attention and love (even though most is hardly deep) that his family never gave him. his motivation to be a good person is simply to cause other people the happiness he wishes he could have (which often sparks a bit of an envious streak in sungha, in contradiction).
» what’s their breaking point?
emotionally degrading him to the point where he can’t get up: where he can’t try and perfect himself: where he completely gives up. pick and pull at him enough to expose his flaws, fears, or hidden feelings, and sungha will fall to pieces. or, in turn, someone close to him turning back on him and either lashing out or ignoring him.
» what do they want most?
to be completely perfect.

[ C H A R A C T E R  C E N T R I C ]
» what led to BABYBOY’s body dysmorphic disorder?
aside from the incident in the locker room, just simply the society and circumstances he grew up under. being beautiful was the equivalent to being attended to, which is as close to love—that he’s never actually grown familiar to—as he can get. because of the “enormous” flaw on his body being his abdomen, his body dysmorphia is almost trying to perfect his stomach to be at the standard he holds his entire self to.

            —   바다 눈
           “ocean eyes”

» sexuality: pansexual, though he likes to generalize the term as go-with-whoever-i-like
» love interest: LAMBO
» how they act/feel toward each other:
the first thing LAMBO says to sungha has nothing to do with his appearance, his beauty, or his body in general. it’s actually a slurred phrase of something along the lines of, “do you think the bathrooms work here? y’know, what with all the no-electricity thing going on.” right off the bat, sungha loves the carefree, humorous attitude LAMBO carries, with just the right amount of spunk and seriousness for their circumstances. he finds it easy to be himself around LAMBO, spill his feelings, or just talk about trivial things—”do you think that cloud looks like a rabbit?” “are you blind? it’s clearly a boat”—. slowly, LAMBO’s becoming a closer friend than sungha has ever had.
and then sungha develops feelings. slowly, but surely: he begins to notice how LAMBO looks cuter than usual when he laughs, or the way his gaze seems to linger longer on sungha when they talk together into the late hours of night. surely it’s his imagination? even so, sungha braves his inkling: holds LAMBO’s arm a bit longer than usual, laughs a bit harder at his jokes, stares a bit longer through silence.
and then one day, on a particularly bad night after a particularly bad episode concerning his body dysmorphia, he spills. spills everything. spills not only his thoughts on the situation, but his feelings towards LAMBO.
but LAMBO doesn’t feel the same way.
in fact, he doesn’t feel any attraction—”i-i mean sure,” he quickly, desperately, adds, “i love you like a friend and all, but...i’m not...attracted to you, sunny. not in the way you are to me.”—, and the bomb completely shatters sungha. it’s impossible. he’s perfected himself so much, so goddamn much. is it not enough? is he ugly? is he a bad person? that has to be it. LAMBO hates him. sungha’s dysmorphia comes in full swing back, the taste of bile in the back of his throat, and before LAMBO can say a word, sungha is running—away, he doesn’t care where, just away from him and everyone else.
their relationship ends in sore pieces.

» scene suggestions with love interest:
> he looks horrible. his clothes are dirty, skin oily and sooty, hair stringy and grimy. sungha hates it. he wants to claw at his imperfections, wash away all this—and then LAMBO walks into the room, smiles, and says, “i wonder how you manage to somehow look so good even while the rest of us look and feel like shit.” sungha walks with a chin held high that day.
> “sunny can do it.” the group is outside scavenging for resources, inspecting a mound of haphazardly fallen pieces of rubble; there seems to be an old grocery store behind it. LAMBO grins and places a hand on sungha’s shoulder. “it’s narrow, but i believe in sunny.”
> “listen,” he doesn’t know what he’s babbling, why is sungha saying this? “just leave me alone, okay? you don’t understand. it’s my problems to deal with, not yours.” when LAMBO leaves, sungha is reminded again of just how bad being alone can feel.

» character they are closest to: aside from LAMBO, who he adores because of his easiness in conversation and ability to relax and ease sungha’s nerves, sungha is closest to VENUS. he loves the mother-like compassion and role she carries, and her care for every person is extremely admirable to sungha. with MARS, she makes an easy atmosphere for sungha to grow accustomed to, and he knows he can trust VENUS with a particularly stressful situation or problem. she and LAMBO are the only ones to know about his mental disorders in the beginning.
» character they are the least closest to: ROLEX (lmao my fkin angsty ass). she’s the only one who doesn’t care about sungha’s desperate need for attention; he doesn’t get one compliment nor even a jab, at least, from her. she just...doesn’t give a shit. and though sungha would usually find that quite impressive, he doesn’t like it. he hates it. he needs some sort of reaction, some expressive response, even though he hates to admit it. but ROLEX won’t budge. she finds sungha almost annoying in the over-emotional type of sense, but only because she’s kept ignorant about sungha’s personal life and mental health.

» scene suggestions with group:
    > it’s early in the morning and sungha’s woken up from a particularly bad storm, unable to fall back asleep. he decides to check the kitchen for an spare food to quell the pang in his stomach, but upon entering the room he sees MANNER: just sitting on the couch. it’s suspicious to say the least. but then drowsiness overcomes sungha, and he stumbles back to his bed without a second thought.
    > “god dammit, ROLEX,” QUEENIE is absolutely furious, “i’m not being problematic, you’re just being a bitch!” and although sungha doesn’t exactly agree with her, and his morals go against this, he would /love/ to at least get back once at ROLEX. so he steps forward, clears his throat, and says, “she’s right, ROLEX. you’re...kind of being a brat, sorry…”
    > okay this is just a suggestion but i’d /love/ to see like a chapter focusing on the twins doing something in the city? like maybe mapping out the layout and exploring each place? something like that i’d just love to see them work together like in their slot ahA
    > “ah, fuck,” LAMBO looks upwards at the creaking ceiling of an old building all of them are exploring with anxious eyes. “i think it’s—” and then it’s crumbling, and someone is screaming.

            —   내 소년
           “my boy”

» message to me: & here is extension numero dos, act II, chapter the second, the such,
idk if i did babyboy justice, hopefully i did :// my ass blabbered on and on abt his backstory woe is me (leGIT i think sungha is my angstiest character? goddamn box is evolving)
» kik user: hulksmasher69 *sorry autocorrect lolol @tiredbox YOOOO
» password: JJANG JJANG /rocker dude hand
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