First Times For Everything (ch13)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY $20+ PATRONS!

The final chapter is here. These two have been through so much throughout the course of this messy little fic of mine. I hope you enjoy the finale.

Disclaimer: I do not own She-Ra.

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												Chapter 13. The Point Of No Return

Adora can't make sense of her surroundings.

There are shadows, like always, rising up out of the ground, dark and twisted.

There's a source of light coming from somewhere, but she can't even tell where that might be. It's a dull, eerie light, just barely enough for her to be able to make out the shapes of the shadows.

It feels like she's in the Fright Zone. She has to be, right? There's nowhere else she's ever been, nowhere else she can possibly know of...

/So why... can't I recognize anything...?/

She looks all around herself, but nothing looks familiar.

/It's gotta be a dream. But how can I dream about a place I've never even been to before?/

There's no one else here that she can discern, no other movements or sounds other than a hiss of wind. It doesn't seem dangerous. So she begins to walk.

"Hello? Is anyone here? Catra?"

She knows that even if it's a dream, Catra's bound to be here with her.

But as things are, Adora finds herself alone.

She continues walking, though it doesn't feel like there's a ground beneath her feet. It feels like the world is swaying and shifting all around her. She doesn't even realize when the scenery changes.

One instant she's in the shadows of what she believes to be the Fright Zone, and the next she's out in some massive open wasteland. It's gray and misted over by a thick fog, and the sky is an unnerving orange color. When she looks up, she feels she can see things in the far far distance, like skiffs or other ships fighting, crashing, falling...

Suddenly, there's a bright flash of light, and the next things she sees are castles. Each one has a girl inside, people Adora has never seen before, with grayed-out faces and indiscernible characteristics. She can see them, but she can't really make sense of them.

"What's going on?" she cries. "Who are you?"

But none of them acknowledge her.

Her head starts to spin. The orange sky suddenly turns dark, and the twisted shadows come back. There's a scream. One Adora knows all too well.

"Catra?!"

She whirls around in search of her, but the darkness is too great now. She tries to run, but she never gets anywhere. She can hear Catra's voice calling out, but she can't comprehend what she's saying. Adora can only tell that she's scared.

She tries to run towards her, feeling like she's only ever just a few inches away.

And then the light flashes again. Another voice speaks to her from the sky, and the image of an unknown white face appears in her mind.

"You must let go."

It speaks as though it's an order, as though she doesn't have a choice.

Adora tries to run, but she can't get any closer to Catra or any farther from the voices. She shakes her head, and when she looks down there's something in her hand. A sword...

"Adora!"

"Huh-?"

Her eyes fly open wide, but it isn't much different now than what she'd seen before. It's still dark with midnight, but one thing assures her this is the reality.

Catra is hovering over her with concern flaring in her eyes. Adora can't make out much, but she can tell that Catra is scared for her. Her hands are on Adora's shoulders, gripping tightly, but Adora can feel her shaking. With a moan, Adora shakes her head a bit.

"Catra...?"

An ounce of relief flashes across the blue and yellow gaze, but the concern remains most prominent. Even if she tries to sound like she doesn't care as much.

"Geez," she huffs. "You were squirming like a worm. Nearly kicked me off!"

"Sorry about that."

Catra gives her a look that's soft enough to let Adora know she isn't actually miffed about almost being knocked off the bed. She's just happy Adora's all right.

Catra slowly lowers herself down over her, and Adora wraps both arms around her back, letting the pressure of Catra's weight help ground her in reality. Catra tucks her face into Adora's shoulder.

"So what kind of dream was it...?" It's her way of asking if Adora wants to talk about it, just like Adora would always ask Catra whenever she had bad dreams.

Adora keeps both arms draped across her partner's back and moves her hands slowly in circles.

"I'm... not even sure if it was a dream..."

Catra sighs.

"Geez, why do you have to get all cryptically technical on me? It's like 2 in the morning. Fine, what kind of nightmare was it then?"

"No, that's not what I meant..." Adora tapers off, trying to find the right words. She can still see fragments of the images in her mind of the orange wasteland, the silhouettes of girls she'd never met before, the shape of that sword.

"It almost felt... like a vision..."

Catra scoffs.

"Ch. Please, Adora. You're not some prophet, okay? You're just tired and stressed."

"...Yeah... you're right." Adora wipes an arm across her forehead and draws in a deep breath, trying to push the fragmented images away.

There are still shadows of unrecognizable faces flashing across her mind, but Adora ignores them until the only one she can make sense of here and now is Catra's. Her eyes are still more concerned than her expression lets on, and her ears are drooping a little. Adora frowns.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Liar. Then why are you shaking?" It's very slight, almost unnoticeable, but being pressed as close to Catra as she is, Adora can easily feel her quivering. She feels Catra stiffen too, as if trying to force herself to stop.

"I'm not-"

"Catra, come on. It's too late at night for this. Just tell me the truth. Do you still have a fever?"

Adora adjusts her hold on Catra, easing her back a few inches and curling a hand around to the nape of her neck. She guides Catra's face down toward hers and has Catra rest her forehead against hers for a moment.

All the while her partner is tense and trembling, but she doesn't feel as warm as she had earlier in the day from sickness. Adora rules out the fever, and takes a moment to be glad that it's gone.

But Catra is still shivering from something else that ails her. She refuses to say what, but Adora has her guesses.

"Did you have a bad dream, too...?"

She strokes her fingers softly through Catra's hair, and when she feels her suddenly draw in a sharp breath, she knows she's guessed correctly. Adora locks both arms around her in a firm hug.

"Dummy. You should've said something."

"It doesn't matter. It wasn't that bad."

"That's not what I'm gathering."

Adora braces her weight on her elbows and slowly pushes herself up, sitting up with Catra in her arms. She clears the loose clumps of hair from her friend's face and bumps their noses together. She feels Catra's tail timidly reach for her, curling around her waist like it does when she wants to be close to her.

Adora brushes her injured cheek against Catra's to feel a warm wetness residing on her skin. Considering the fever has passed, she knows it isn't sweat.

"Oh, Catra..."

She never cries nowadays, not even when she's alone with Adora. Even now, she can tell Catra is desperately trying to hold down bigger sobs, but all that comes up are tiny, breathless hiccups.

Adora takes Catra in her arms and lies her down gently onto her back, making sure her head uses as much of the pillow as possible. Adora pulls the blankets up over herself before lying down gently over her, reversing their positions from earlier.

"You don't have to tell me about it," she mumbles. "But you can."

She rests her head against Catra's shoulder, letting her own weight settle over the shuddering body beneath. She feels Catra's hands clinging to the back of her shirt, the claws doing their best not to make contact with skin.

Adora always offers to listen to Catra's nightmares. But this is the first time she actually tells about them.

Catra draws in a deep breath, choking back the hiccups and swallowing more sobs before they can happen. When she does finally manage to find her voice, it's small and rasping.

"It was really dark... I couldn't find you..."

It's all she manages before Adora feels her grip tightening. Adora hugs her back as much as she can in turn.

"It sounds like mine," she murmurs.

Silence comes for a while between them, until Adora's racing mind and Catra's racing pulse have both slowed. Catra draws in one last unsteady breath, and Adora feels it tremble on the way out.

"I just... wanna get the hell outta this place..."

"I know."

"And I want you to come with me."

"I know..."

Adora's chest tightens. They both sense the uneasiness about this topic. All Catra's ever wanted was to be free of the Horde's command.

But over the years, Adora has longed to work her way up to Force Commander and eventually Captain. And while that would allow her to more or less set her own boundaries and go off across Etheria wherever she pleased, ultimately she would have to report back to the Horde. That isn't the life Catra wants, and Adora doesn't think it ever will be.

Following these paths might inevitably lead them to their parting. But...

"We made a promise," Adora whispers. "We promised we'd always be together. That we'd look out for each other. So that's what we're going to do. No matter what happens, we'll figure something out. Together."

Catra sniffles beneath her and doesn't say anything. Adora wonders if she believes her; and she wonders if she believes in the words coming out of her own mouth.

Maybe that's why Catra's tears begin slipping free. Maybe it's because she doesn't fully believe Adora, either. Her chest begins to jolt, and her claws sink a little deeper into Adora's clothes. Her voice is nothing more than a thin whimper in her ear.

"You can't leave me... you promised..."

Adora's heart clenches. She pushes herself up slowly, reaching out to seek one of Catra's hands. Once she finds it she laces their fingers together and squeezes.

"I won't," she whispers. "I couldn't leave even if I wanted to, Catra. And I'll never want to. I know that for sure."

Her free hand comes up to brush the tears from Catra's cheeks, catching them one by one as they fall.

She isn't really sure what happens after that. Something just stirs in her heart. Something that comes from the very bottom of her being, like dormant waters of a river finally breaking free to flow to the surface.

It feels a little scary, as if she's concerned about the sheer power this emotion might contain. But for the most part, it's warm and pleasant.

Adora doesn't really think it through. She just kisses her.

Her calm lips find Catra's quivering ones and cover them gently, softly. She doesn't put a lot of force into it, but rather keeps it light and breathable.

The contact makes everything else stop for a second. By the time Adora eases back and realizes what she's done – and what it means – it's already too late. She feels her stomach gnarl and twist with dismay, and she tries to speak Catra's name.

But the instant those mis-matched eyes like sun and sky reveal themselves in the dark of night, Adora is rendered speechless. Catra doesn't need to speak either in order for Adora to understand what she's saying right now, because her eyes convey it all.

There is confusion first, as though she can't discern her own feelings about the kiss or Adora's meaning behind it.

Then it turns into something more serious. Her eyes narrow in the shadows as she pushes herself up. Adora sits with her, still unable to break eye contact. There's something much stronger in Catra's gaze now, something much more poignant. It's almost angry, almost fearful, but not quite either.

Ultimately, Adora understands it to be a challenge:

Are you sure about that?

Catra doesn't have to say any of it out loud. Because Adora knows exactly what she's thinking.

For one reason or another, Catra thinks she can't be deserving of such affection. She isn't even sure if it's something she wants, let alone needs. She just... isn't sure about anything right now.

Adora is still struggling to find words or actions, anything to keep going from here. But a moment later, Catra lowers her gaze, and Adora isn't sure if her heart stops or starts again. But she feels she needs to say something, so she chokes out her voice.

"Catra-"

But she doesn't know what more to say other than that. Catra's ear flicks at the sound of her voice, but she doesn't look back at her.

"Let's just go back to sleep..."

That's her answer.

It alleviates a weight off Adora's chest, because it implies that Catra is willing to forgive and forget the kiss if it had been a mistake, an impulse.

But it also settles a brand new weight right onto Adora's heart.

Because... what if it hadn't been a mistake? What if she'd meant it? Does that mean Catra is rejecting her feelings?

She doesn't know. She doesn't know, and it hurts. She just sits there quietly and watches as Catra prepares to lie herself back down and forget it all.

Adora doesn't want to hurt her. That's always been the last thing she's ever wanted. She just isn't sure about this. She just doesn't know, and she's too much of a coward to ask.

But something in her heart knows it wasn't a mistake. After all they've been through, there's no way it was.

So Adora reaches out to grab her partner's wrist, pulling Catra back up before she can hide herself beneath the blankets. Adora holds tightly to her shoulders and the small of her back and kisses her again.

It's firmer, deeper, and yet so much more delicate. It lasts even shorter than the previous one had, and when Adora eases back she feels like she might cry.

Evidently, she isn't the only one.

In fact, Catra's eyes start to water first, though she tries her damnedest to stop it.

Adora's heart seizes. It's her fault. She made Catra cry. And this time it's for reasons much more delicate than the physical.

She loosens her grip, but doesn't let go. She can feel Catra's heart racing beneath her palm. She brings her other hand gently to the side of her friend's face, caressing her cheek and catching the tears.

"Catra-" she chokes. "I'm-"

"Idiot."

"Huh? Whoa-" Adora yelps as Catra suddenly grabs her and yanks her close enough to feel her breath. Her mis-matched eyes are still furious and confused, but there's something else there too.

"I said you're an idiot," she hisses. "I gave you your chance. You can't take it back now, Adora. I won't let you."

Adora feels her heart swell. She tightens her hold on Catra too.

"Fine by me. Because I don't wanna take it back."

Silence falls for a moment. Catra searches her eyes so intensely Adora nearly falters. She feels Catra is looking into her very soul, looking for something she isn't even sure she possesses.

But Adora doesn't waver. She has nothing to hide from her.

Eventually, Catra must realize this. Because she sinks her claws gently into Adora's clothes and pulls her in for another kiss.

It's harder than the others, and lasts longer, as if to confirm for the both of them it's real in case they hadn't been entirely sure about the previous two. Now there's absolutely no question about it.

They don't make a sound as they ease each other back down onto the mattress. At least one of them is crying, but they pepper so many kisses across each other's foreheads and faces that all the whimpers and trembles are quelled before long.

Adora can feel the purr moving through Catra's body, filling her to the brim with all of these new emotions. Some are a little scary, but for the most part it's just... nice.

Adora kisses Catra's soft ears as one hand finds her injured arm, still aching from the combat exam. She spreads her fingers over Catra's forearm and rubs softly over the pulse in her wrist, while her lips continue planting kisses across her temple.

Catra manages to return the favor, tracing her fingers with impossible lightness over the scratch marks on Adora's cheek. Her fingers tremble at the memory of blood. She draws in a deep breath before kissing Adora there, covering the marks with her lips, awkward and nervous as it might be.

Adora can't help but smile. In fact, she even giggles. Catra freezes at the sound of it.

"Wh-What's so funny?" She sounds almost offended, or worried that she did something wrong. But Adora shakes her head, leaning forward to bump noses with her.

"It's nothing," she hums. "I'm so happy, Catra."

And Catra doesn't admit it with words, but the purr that's been rumbling in her chest all this time gets louder, and says enough.

Adora shifts and lies herself on top of Catra once more, cupping her cheek and gazing down into her eyes. Those eyes that want to let the mirth show through, but are far too skeptical not to let the anxiety through as well.

Even now, when they're both past the point of no return, those eyes still challenge her. Just like Adora had always done for her in the past, Catra is now giving her the option to run away if she wants to.

But the thought never crosses Adora's mind.

She answers Catra's uncertainty with one last kiss, soft yet strong. Catra whimpers in both fear and relief, locking her arms around her back. When they part, her voice is quiet.

"Adora-"

But Adora hushes her with a kiss to her forehead, brushing her scarred cheek fondly against Catra's.

"I'm sure, Catra. I promise."

She finds Catra's pinky and loops hers together with it. Catra exhales long and slow, and it rumbles with her purr.

They've both made it painfully clear of what they want. Even if they might end up regretting it someday.

But right now, as they curl up in each other's arms and drift off to the rhythm of a tandem heartbeat and a rolling purr...

Right now it's warm and it's good.

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A/N: The line in the series of "I never wanted to leave you" still messes me up to this day. I thought having Adora speak those words to Catra pre-series would just hurt a lot more.

And speaking of 'hurting a lot more' how do you like my concept of Adora and Catra falling in love slowly for the first 17 years of their lives, promising they'll always be together and there for each other, and then finally kissing and confirming their feelings just days before the canon series begins and they end up being torn apart? Yeah, I hate myself too.

Well, this is the end of this story. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you enjoyed. Here's to season 2 and many more!