yoogee's undying love

Long ago, Egyptian kings played a TERRIBLE game, until a brave and powerful pharaoh locked the magic away. (Metallic clack) oh FUck
Now, five years later, a boy named Yugi unlocks the secret of the Millennium Falcon. Destiny has chosen him to defend the world from YUGIOH games, just as the brave pharaoh did five years ago. (Parappa the Rapper opening begins) (STATIC) YOUR MOVE! (audio stutters) (stock electrical short from any horror game noise) SHIT. NYEHHH. I'm gonna FUCK! A victim! Solitaire. YUUUUUUUUUUUGIOH! Hey Joey! Earth to Joey! Whut? It's your turn! Okay, Yugi! Not! (Slap) WHAT! Ya nimrod! Yep! I just have better cards. That's PRETTY gay YUGI! UP yours Joey! Maybe you'd like to settle this with fists instead of cards? Please, please! Uooaoh!Eeh! (Fist punch sound) Okay, Yugi! It's DUEL time! Actually, mine! SuCK my GRANDPA'S Balls. Thaaaanks a lot! Yep! Aw, isn't he cute? (Slap) Sheesh. They've been at it for hours. I'm JUST AWEsome. Joey's starting to get a hang of the game, but Yugi's AN ASS hole. BASKETBALL. Nyaha, Joey, I have better game boy games! WHAT? What're we waiting for? Let's go! Haha, okay! Maybe I can even get my grandpa to show us this rare card he's got!　Ｒａｒｅ　ｃａｒｄ． (Eye twitch) ONE hour LATER. What is it, Yugi? Why can't I ever win? Teach me what I'm doing wrong! NO one can WIN the GAME but ME. Haah? THAT'S how the game works. Haah? Let's check your deck, Joey. Ｈａａｈ？ (Sad music) Kay. I just stole your DECK, Joey. Haah? Yeah, thanks. Huuh? Yugi, you WHORE! You gotta GIVE me my CARDS. U-uh... (STATIC) Gramps, could you show my friends your awesome super rare card? Here it is! Gramps, could you show my SUPER friends your AWESOME card? I refuse! How could you do such a thing? Card, could you show my Gramps? Awwweeeeeesome! [Doesn't look all that special to me!] I'm home! Here it is! Awesome. Could you show my GAME boy? (Crash) Hello, can I help you? I Came to SELL shit. Ahh, nice. (Briefcase slam, glass breaking) Ooh! Give me your Blue-Eyes White CENA card and I'll sell my LITTLE brother. No thanks. Fine. (SLAM) Senile old fool... KAIBA! (Door slams) Maybe we could all duel together sometime. (Door opens) (Will of the Heart - Bleach OST plays for 15 seconds straight) Thanks. (Record scratch) FUCK you MONEYBAGS. WHOA! (Glass breaking) KAIBA'S ass. Me, duel you? I would have more of a challenge playing FI nal FANTASY. Whut? Wha? I am favorite to win the SOLITAIRE championship. Heh. Whut? SOLITAIRE. Damn! You sleaze! Take it easy, Joey! This card was given to me by a dear friend. [Sell it!] I can pay anything ASS hole. How can I refuse? (Cha-ching) Is there anything else I can help you with? NOO thanks. (Door slam) Gramps, can you show my friends your awesome super COMMON card? My treasure! Uurgh! (Fart) Grandpa! His Blue-Eyes White CENA card... is mine. (Phone rings) Hello? Are you sure there's nothing I can do to change your mi-- Nope! (Phone slams) DOO do DO do DUDU dudu DU DO Hello? SOLITAIRE. Kaiba?! Your GAME boy's here, but it's in your GRANDfather's ASS. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?! Why don't you FUCK off?  (Elevator doors close) AWWW shit! (Elevator music) Ahh! Uhh. Grandpa! Grandpa, are you okay? Yes. This precious GAME boy has BONDED with my BUTT. But Grandpa, you need help! I've got to get you to a doctor! And if I were... to decline? How's the old man feeling, mmm? How could you do such a thing?! It was for the SWEET 3DS. AHH! Oh man! Uhh, u-uh, my precious, uuh--! (Beat) Yugi, here! Take this! Huh, Grandpa?! I built this deck... I put my soul in these cards. And I taught you everything I know, Yugi. Take them... take my cards and teach him respect. Teach Kaiba respect for the heart of the cards, Yugi! No! UUH-- (Bones break) I guess playing against a champion like myself was just too much STIMULATION-- POINT! (Gunshot) (3DS screen breaks) ＡＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＵＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＨＨＨＨＨＨＨ Your friends can care for your grandfather... while you and I duel. (Running) (Bumper bump noise) Joey, why don't you get back in there and cheer Yugi on? Hayeah, Tea, like that wimpy YUGI has a chance against KAIBA. (Platform raise/lower sound repeatedly) NYEEHAHA Okay. Are you ready to play, runt? PLAYTIME is over, Kaiba! (Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters II: Dark duel Stories for the GBC battle theme plays) AHH! Impossible! (Sonic ring collect noise) Play TIME is OVER time, Kaiba! Whaa? YUGIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨ！ Ah, what the? Now, Kaiba. Prepare yourself, because it's time to SNIFF THE FLOWERS! (Sniff.) There, Kaiba. Maybe now you will begin to SHUT UP! NO! Shit. (Enderman angered noise) AHHH!! Oh, oh, oh for god's sake it's you! [Chuckling] Ohh, geez, I'm gonna need new pants! NOW, Kaiba, it's time to DUEL! Let's begin. I attack with the MIGHTY MORphing POWER rangers. Uah? Well, now it's my turn! I call on the WING fortress! (Loud crash) AAHH! Alright! Go Yugi! Heh. Well played, Yugi -- for a beginner. But how will you deal with this? (Monster summoning sound) YES! I'm back! No more monkeying around! ＮＵＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＡＨＡＨＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯ (LP decrease sfx) (Hands slam on desk) Looks like YUGI. YEEEEEES! Heh. He's good; he knows every aspect of this game. But my Grandpa put all his gaming knowledge, his whole heart into assembling this deck. (Card draw noise) Hah. My GRANDPA is a DOUCHE! [Way to go, Yugi!] This'll be over sooner than you think. (Card draw noise) Hmph. I call on the Blue-Eyes White CENA! Huh?! No way! IMPOSSIBLE! OOOH! Hhnn... Give up, Yugi. I won't give up. Grandpa's DOUBTING me. How desperate. Attack! ＮＵＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＡＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＡＨＡＨＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯ (LP decrease sfx) Alright! Go, Kaiba! Quit your stalling, Yugi, or you will forfeit the match! (Card draw sfx) Swords of Revealing Light! (Weak slap SFX) Alright, Kaiba, your move. Auahhh....a sacrifice that doesn't even phase me. On my next turn, my BLUE eyes is free to attack! This game is over no matter what card you draw. Draw your last pathetic card so I can end this, Yugi. You're a virgin, aren't you? Wha? Kaiba, if you truly want to know... OPEN YOUR MIND! ＵＡＵ ＡＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨ！ＮＵＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＡＡＡＡ-- Kaiba's coming. I can sense it. ＡＨＨ-ＯＯＯＯ-ＡＨＨ-ＯＯＯＯ (CRASH) I Came. (LP hits zero SFX) He did it! Yugi, you won! Haaah? Oh, Grandpa's awake! Yugi won. (Flatlines) What kind of match is that? That shoulda been me in there! And on top of that, I just have better cards! Uuuunh, I musta been nuts to think I could ever learn this crazy game. And on top of that, (HARSH NOISE). Uuuunh. Hah, with all the excitement of the championships, you forgot to open your package, Yugi! What could it be? Huh? Some kind of glove? [And stars!] Maybe there's an explanation on the video? Pop it in and check it out. Okay. (The Ring SFX plays) (Rewind SFX) (VCR static fades out) Welcome all my honored guests... to the ultimate duel with the best of the best... at my invitation you've come to compete.... for the honor of suffering the final defeat! Isn't it grand what I've managed to do? By kidnapping those closest to you.