Breakfast - Steady tears

>... You are Shimmer Light...
>... Though, who is "Shimmer Light"?
>It's been a week since you saw Hexferry.
>... Broke down right in front of her, lost who you are...
>... Started needing her...
>You haven't been avoiding her, she's been avoiding you.
>Probably.
>Either that or your schedules don't actually coincide like you thought they did.
>No, you never actually thought that. You knew she was searching you out.
>She left when you left.
>She even stopped hanging out with her friends to talk to you.
>... You used to matter to someone...
>You don't know if you actually care, but the words have force behind them.
>You don't know what to feel.
>... Empty...
>That's all you have.
>Nothing.
>You have an amazing house, and everything in it is amazing too.
>... You love them all so much, but...
>Do you even love yourself?
>How can you?
>You don't even know who you are.
>... That's how you've felt since that little... debacle.
>You don't show it on your trips into town.
>... You hope.
>You've seen a lot of things today.
>The stagnant brown one was walking with the peach one and the yellow one. They were up to... something...
>Your senses are so dull, you could break a coconut with them.
>... Though, you'd probably just smash your head against it instead.
>You imagine this is what "sick" feels like.
>It's no sickness you've ever heard of, but you certainly have all of the symptoms.
>... You saw that bat-moth thing walking with the fat mare.
>They're...
>You can't even come up with insults anymore.
>You just...
>The hippie was probably hitting on some stallion.
>The white one was messing with the bee...
>You looked through the market for a few minutes then left...
>Foals were running around, presumably having fun.
>A mare with weird freckles was blushing alongside another mare.
>... Tan coat, brown mane, green wings...
>You think.
>Your sight is getting worse.

>You mistook a mare with green hair's wings for purple.
>They were green.
>... You saw that moth a few minutes ago walking with a very dark brown stallion.
>Probably dark brown, at least.
>... Maybe you should actually bottle yourself in your house for some time.
>You thought about it for a while, but you turned it down.
>It doesn't seem like a bad idea anymore.
>What are the downsides?
>... See? Nothing.
>You're so...
>... Alone...
>...
>Well, here you are.
>"Here" is a few decameters from home, "are" is a word and "you" are...
>Here. You are here.
>Here you are...
>... You wonder how depressed you've looked this whole time.
>You're sure every glance you got was one of pity.
>... Did they even glance at you?
>Why do you care?
>... Do you care?
>Everything is perfect, just like you.
>... Whoever this "you" you keep on thinking of is.
>Your pace staggers.
>... That's her house.
>When did you turn to look at it?
>Whatever, it doesn't matter.
>If she sees you, it'll be difficult for her to pity you more than she already does.
>You used to be strong!
>... Well, that was unexpected.
>Powerful, even!
>You were perfect!
>Then she...
>... She came into your life and ruined you.
>She came into your life, cursed you and made you depend on her.
>That's what happened.
>... Maybe that's what happened...
>Well, you passed her house.
>She didn't come out.
>... It's probably for the best.
>You're just going to... curl up by the bath, douse yourself in hair-care products and just... lay there for a while.
>Or a few days.
>Or until your house gets condemned and inspected for demolition.
>Now you're just being insane.
>... Though, you can't blame yourself.
>... How long have you just been standing in front of your door?
>Operation Just Lay There needs to begin.
>... You pull the door open, walk in and shut the door.
>... It's going to be a long time laying on that tiled floor, but you think you'll be up to it.

>... What was that?
>You swear you heard something.
>Did something hit your door?
>You turn around to look at it.
>... Whatever hit it certainly isn't on this side.
>You open the door again.
>... Oh no...
>Her.
>You just... stare at her for a while.
>She looks... calm but also worried.
>About you.
>Of course.
>"Can I come in?"
>... You slowly turn your head from her and get out of the way.
>Odd, usually, others are in your way.
>Have you been in the way before?
>You don't like thinking about others' feelings.
>They make you feel bad.
>Hexferry walks over to your couch.
>The one she put you on.
>"Is it okay if I sit here?"
>You nod.
>She daintily places herself on the left side of the couch.
>She's wearing a jacket.
>... Was she outside for a long time?
>It's been getting even colder recently.
>You don't even remember how many layers you have on right now.
>"Come on, sit with me."
>Hexferry pats an empty spot on the couch.
>You blink a few times before actually heeding her call.
>You're a lot slower than she is.
>... Even less graceful.
>That's quite backwards from who you thought you were.
>She looks straight into your eyes.
>"Shimmer, what's wrong?"
>... Nothing is wrong.
>You've only lost sight of your sense of being.
>Nothing.
>... At least you still have your sarcasm. If it was gone, you'd truly be dead.
>"Shimmer!"
>Ah! Okay, that startled you.
>You're heart - that thing you didn't know you had most of your life - pumps so hard it hurts.


>Oh, it's good to be sarcastic.
>... Or is that even sarcasm?
>You're losing your sanity.
>Fantastic.
>"Please, tell me what's wrong!"
>There's something wrong with this picture.
>... Right there, in her eyes.
>Tears.
>Those shouldn't be there.
>She shouldn't be crying for you.
>... Or is she?
>What if she isn't crying for you, she's crying because her little plan to convert you over to her side of "friends" isn't working?
>... What if she actually feels guilty for what's happened to you?
>She grabs your fore-hooves and pulls them close.
>... Is she leaning toward you?
>"I..."
>... What?
>She seems to be having a bit of trouble with her words.
"You..."
>... Who said that?
>Hexferry looks shocked.
"You ruined my life...
>That voice sounds so... pathetic.
>A lot like... your voice the last time you heard yourself...
>Oh no...
"I can't even tell who I am anymore."
>... Well, that is how you feel.
>Maybe you should let yourself continue.
"I used to be someone, now I just sit around all day. I can't even figure out what I'm supposed to feel."
>...
"I hated you."
>Well, she definitely looks hurt.
>But you aren't done. You have much worse than that, if your past-self has anything to say about it.
"You made me miserable. I've only really wanted three things: perfection, tranquility and quiet. You took my quiet and tranquility, and somehow you even took away my perfection."
>You're getting to the good part.
"I used to be perfect!"
>...
"Why couldn't you just leave me alone?"

>Was that your "good part"? You certainly hope not...
>"I..."
>Right, Hexferry.
>She isn't crying yet, but she looks like she's one more jab to her ego from bawling.
>"I just wanted to get to know you."
>She's used that one before.
"Why?"
>She seems surprised you even asked that question, even though it's obvious.
>"I wanted to be your friend."
"Why?"
>You're on fire with these.
>Hexferry pauses, then looks down.
>You follow her eyes.
>... Her hooves grasping yours.
>"... I used to be all alone."
>You just asked for her life-story, didn't you?
>"I hated it. I always felt so empty inside. I just... couldn't stand it. But... then I met two ponies. They liked being with me! They even called me a friend..."
>... Her voice gets softer.
>"I've been friends with them since then. That pain has just been... gone."
>She looks back up at you.
>"I just couldn't keep myself from trying to help you. I... thought you were feeling what I felt, but I guess I was wrong."
>She pauses for a few moments.
>... Then she lunges at you and pulls you in for a tight hug.
>"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I just..."
>Great.
>If you could do something about this, you would.
>... Hexferry seems to be crying into your jacket.
>"I wanted you to be happy..."
>... Happy?
>You don't even know if you've ever felt "happy".
>"Content" is the closest you can think of... "Contempt" is the closest after that.
>... She'll ruin one of your favorite jackets if she stains them too badly.
"S-stop... crying..."


>Your voice sounds even worse than before.
>She slowly pulls herself to eye level.
>... She's definitely crying.
>Red, puffy eyes, tears streaming down her face...
>She looks at you... expectantly.
>What do you say?
>You sort-of feel bad for making her cry, but...
>... This is the mare who has been annoying you constantly.
>The mare who "cares" about you.
>She brought you to the hospital.
>She saved you from the rain... brought you into her home...
>... Let you cry into her chest...
>...
>You don't hate her anymore.
>You wish you did but you don't.
>Right now, she cares about you more than you do.
>Maybe she'd be a better "Shimmer Light".
>She's the one who cares the most about Shimmer, even more than the actual Shimmer.
>... You know what you'll do.
>You'll hate yourself forever, but you're doing this.
>Slowly, you pull her closer to you.
>... You hug her.
>She doesn't respond for a while.
>... That moment passes.
>She hugs you back with ten-fold force.
>If you weren't wearing six jackets, you'd probably be crushed.
>... You're wearing six jackets.
>You know how many layers you're wearing.
>Maybe you're healing.
>Hexferry sobs into your jacket some more.
>... That's okay.
>You have many more.
>One tear-stained jacket won't hurt you.
>...
>After an eternity passes, her sobbing stops. All you can hear now is her steady breathing.
>... Very steady breathing.
>Actually, she fell asleep in your embrace.
>... This can't go any way you might want it to.
>Whatever.
>You're too tired to care.
>You position yourself to get comfortable.
>... Sleep takes you only moments after...