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mothpone

Breakfast - Steady tears

Jun 8th, 2014
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  1. >... You are Shimmer Light...
  2. >... Though, who is "Shimmer Light"?
  3. >It's been a week since you saw Hexferry.
  4. >... Broke down right in front of her, lost who you are...
  5. >... Started needing her...
  6. >You haven't been avoiding her, she's been avoiding you.
  7. >Probably.
  8. >Either that or your schedules don't actually coincide like you thought they did.
  9. >No, you never actually thought that. You knew she was searching you out.
  10. >She left when you left.
  11. >She even stopped hanging out with her friends to talk to you.
  12. >... You used to matter to someone...
  13. >You don't know if you actually care, but the words have force behind them.
  14. >You don't know what to feel.
  15. >... Empty...
  16. >That's all you have.
  17. >Nothing.
  18. >You have an amazing house, and everything in it is amazing too.
  19. >... You love them all so much, but...
  20. >Do you even love yourself?
  21. >How can you?
  22. >You don't even know who you are.
  23. >... That's how you've felt since that little... debacle.
  24. >You don't show it on your trips into town.
  25. >... You hope.
  26. >You've seen a lot of things today.
  27. >The stagnant brown one was walking with the peach one and the yellow one. They were up to... something...
  28. >Your senses are so dull, you could break a coconut with them.
  29. >... Though, you'd probably just smash your head against it instead.
  30. >You imagine this is what "sick" feels like.
  31. >It's no sickness you've ever heard of, but you certainly have all of the symptoms.
  32. >... You saw that bat-moth thing walking with the fat mare.
  33. >They're...
  34. >You can't even come up with insults anymore.
  35. >You just...
  36. >The hippie was probably hitting on some stallion.
  37. >The white one was messing with the bee...
  38. >You looked through the market for a few minutes then left...
  39. >Foals were running around, presumably having fun.
  40. >A mare with weird freckles was blushing alongside another mare.
  41. >... Tan coat, brown mane, green wings...
  42. >You think.
  43. >Your sight is getting worse.
  44.  
  45. >You mistook a mare with green hair's wings for purple.
  46. >They were green.
  47. >... You saw that moth a few minutes ago walking with a very dark brown stallion.
  48. >Probably dark brown, at least.
  49. >... Maybe you should actually bottle yourself in your house for some time.
  50. >You thought about it for a while, but you turned it down.
  51. >It doesn't seem like a bad idea anymore.
  52. >What are the downsides?
  53. >... See? Nothing.
  54. >You're so...
  55. >... Alone...
  56. >...
  57. >Well, here you are.
  58. >"Here" is a few decameters from home, "are" is a word and "you" are...
  59. >Here. You are here.
  60. >Here you are...
  61. >... You wonder how depressed you've looked this whole time.
  62. >You're sure every glance you got was one of pity.
  63. >... Did they even glance at you?
  64. >Why do you care?
  65. >... Do you care?
  66. >Everything is perfect, just like you.
  67. >... Whoever this "you" you keep on thinking of is.
  68. >Your pace staggers.
  69. >... That's her house.
  70. >When did you turn to look at it?
  71. >Whatever, it doesn't matter.
  72. >If she sees you, it'll be difficult for her to pity you more than she already does.
  73. >You used to be strong!
  74. >... Well, that was unexpected.
  75. >Powerful, even!
  76. >You were perfect!
  77. >Then she...
  78. >... She came into your life and ruined you.
  79. >She came into your life, cursed you and made you depend on her.
  80. >That's what happened.
  81. >... Maybe that's what happened...
  82. >Well, you passed her house.
  83. >She didn't come out.
  84. >... It's probably for the best.
  85. >You're just going to... curl up by the bath, douse yourself in hair-care products and just... lay there for a while.
  86. >Or a few days.
  87. >Or until your house gets condemned and inspected for demolition.
  88. >Now you're just being insane.
  89. >... Though, you can't blame yourself.
  90. >... How long have you just been standing in front of your door?
  91. >Operation Just Lay There needs to begin.
  92. >... You pull the door open, walk in and shut the door.
  93. >... It's going to be a long time laying on that tiled floor, but you think you'll be up to it.
  94.  
  95. >... What was that?
  96. >You swear you heard something.
  97. >Did something hit your door?
  98. >You turn around to look at it.
  99. >... Whatever hit it certainly isn't on this side.
  100. >You open the door again.
  101. >... Oh no...
  102. >Her.
  103. >You just... stare at her for a while.
  104. >She looks... calm but also worried.
  105. >About you.
  106. >Of course.
  107. >"Can I come in?"
  108. >... You slowly turn your head from her and get out of the way.
  109. >Odd, usually, others are in your way.
  110. >Have you been in the way before?
  111. >You don't like thinking about others' feelings.
  112. >They make you feel bad.
  113. >Hexferry walks over to your couch.
  114. >The one she put you on.
  115. >"Is it okay if I sit here?"
  116. >You nod.
  117. >She daintily places herself on the left side of the couch.
  118. >She's wearing a jacket.
  119. >... Was she outside for a long time?
  120. >It's been getting even colder recently.
  121. >You don't even remember how many layers you have on right now.
  122. >"Come on, sit with me."
  123. >Hexferry pats an empty spot on the couch.
  124. >You blink a few times before actually heeding her call.
  125. >You're a lot slower than she is.
  126. >... Even less graceful.
  127. >That's quite backwards from who you thought you were.
  128. >She looks straight into your eyes.
  129. >"Shimmer, what's wrong?"
  130. >... Nothing is wrong.
  131. >You've only lost sight of your sense of being.
  132. >Nothing.
  133. >... At least you still have your sarcasm. If it was gone, you'd truly be dead.
  134. >"Shimmer!"
  135. >Ah! Okay, that startled you.
  136. >You're heart - that thing you didn't know you had most of your life - pumps so hard it hurts.
  137.  
  138.  
  139. >Oh, it's good to be sarcastic.
  140. >... Or is that even sarcasm?
  141. >You're losing your sanity.
  142. >Fantastic.
  143. >"Please, tell me what's wrong!"
  144. >There's something wrong with this picture.
  145. >... Right there, in her eyes.
  146. >Tears.
  147. >Those shouldn't be there.
  148. >She shouldn't be crying for you.
  149. >... Or is she?
  150. >What if she isn't crying for you, she's crying because her little plan to convert you over to her side of "friends" isn't working?
  151. >... What if she actually feels guilty for what's happened to you?
  152. >She grabs your fore-hooves and pulls them close.
  153. >... Is she leaning toward you?
  154. >"I..."
  155. >... What?
  156. >She seems to be having a bit of trouble with her words.
  157. "You..."
  158. >... Who said that?
  159. >Hexferry looks shocked.
  160. "You ruined my life...
  161. >That voice sounds so... pathetic.
  162. >A lot like... your voice the last time you heard yourself...
  163. >Oh no...
  164. "I can't even tell who I am anymore."
  165. >... Well, that is how you feel.
  166. >Maybe you should let yourself continue.
  167. "I used to be someone, now I just sit around all day. I can't even figure out what I'm supposed to feel."
  168. >...
  169. "I hated you."
  170. >Well, she definitely looks hurt.
  171. >But you aren't done. You have much worse than that, if your past-self has anything to say about it.
  172. "You made me miserable. I've only really wanted three things: perfection, tranquility and quiet. You took my quiet and tranquility, and somehow you even took away my perfection."
  173. >You're getting to the good part.
  174. "I used to be perfect!"
  175. >...
  176. "Why couldn't you just leave me alone?"
  177.  
  178. >Was that your "good part"? You certainly hope not...
  179. >"I..."
  180. >Right, Hexferry.
  181. >She isn't crying yet, but she looks like she's one more jab to her ego from bawling.
  182. >"I just wanted to get to know you."
  183. >She's used that one before.
  184. "Why?"
  185. >She seems surprised you even asked that question, even though it's obvious.
  186. >"I wanted to be your friend."
  187. "Why?"
  188. >You're on fire with these.
  189. >Hexferry pauses, then looks down.
  190. >You follow her eyes.
  191. >... Her hooves grasping yours.
  192. >"... I used to be all alone."
  193. >You just asked for her life-story, didn't you?
  194. >"I hated it. I always felt so empty inside. I just... couldn't stand it. But... then I met two ponies. They liked being with me! They even called me a friend..."
  195. >... Her voice gets softer.
  196. >"I've been friends with them since then. That pain has just been... gone."
  197. >She looks back up at you.
  198. >"I just couldn't keep myself from trying to help you. I... thought you were feeling what I felt, but I guess I was wrong."
  199. >She pauses for a few moments.
  200. >... Then she lunges at you and pulls you in for a tight hug.
  201. >"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I just..."
  202. >Great.
  203. >If you could do something about this, you would.
  204. >... Hexferry seems to be crying into your jacket.
  205. >"I wanted you to be happy..."
  206. >... Happy?
  207. >You don't even know if you've ever felt "happy".
  208. >"Content" is the closest you can think of... "Contempt" is the closest after that.
  209. >... She'll ruin one of your favorite jackets if she stains them too badly.
  210. "S-stop... crying..."
  211.  
  212.  
  213. >Your voice sounds even worse than before.
  214. >She slowly pulls herself to eye level.
  215. >... She's definitely crying.
  216. >Red, puffy eyes, tears streaming down her face...
  217. >She looks at you... expectantly.
  218. >What do you say?
  219. >You sort-of feel bad for making her cry, but...
  220. >... This is the mare who has been annoying you constantly.
  221. >The mare who "cares" about you.
  222. >She brought you to the hospital.
  223. >She saved you from the rain... brought you into her home...
  224. >... Let you cry into her chest...
  225. >...
  226. >You don't hate her anymore.
  227. >You wish you did but you don't.
  228. >Right now, she cares about you more than you do.
  229. >Maybe she'd be a better "Shimmer Light".
  230. >She's the one who cares the most about Shimmer, even more than the actual Shimmer.
  231. >... You know what you'll do.
  232. >You'll hate yourself forever, but you're doing this.
  233. >Slowly, you pull her closer to you.
  234. >... You hug her.
  235. >She doesn't respond for a while.
  236. >... That moment passes.
  237. >She hugs you back with ten-fold force.
  238. >If you weren't wearing six jackets, you'd probably be crushed.
  239. >... You're wearing six jackets.
  240. >You know how many layers you're wearing.
  241. >Maybe you're healing.
  242. >Hexferry sobs into your jacket some more.
  243. >... That's okay.
  244. >You have many more.
  245. >One tear-stained jacket won't hurt you.
  246. >...
  247. >After an eternity passes, her sobbing stops. All you can hear now is her steady breathing.
  248. >... Very steady breathing.
  249. >Actually, she fell asleep in your embrace.
  250. >... This can't go any way you might want it to.
  251. >Whatever.
  252. >You're too tired to care.
  253. >You position yourself to get comfortable.
  254. >... Sleep takes you only moments after...
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