hikkikomori shero 1

so i’ve been thinking about the hikkikomori shirou au a lot today. 👀💦 about the two of them having breakfast together and talking a little — softly penetrating subjects like tapping at an eggshell because they’ve both been through a lot. they’re different people now with a different set of demons, and shirou knows this right away because shinji is smiling. he would never do something like that before; he would never just “be grateful” for something like he was settling. something had to have made him hurt badly to start settling. shirou knows it was him. he’s the one who changed shinji.

“ i called you. i wanted to talk to you... i wanted to. see you.”

shirou feels like he’s going to throw up. he knows shinji isn’t /trying/ to make him feel guilty but every breath shinji takes is one that shirou feels pulled out of his own lungs. he can feel shinji’s eyes on him. he has every right to be mad, but he sounds like he’s holding it back. or like it’s just dampened somehow.

“i’m just glad you’re okay.”

the twist of a knife in his gut. they both know shirou isn’t “okay”, but it’s also hard to articulate when you’re being extra careful. shirou clears his throat and it’s obvious right away how rickety and under-used his voice has been. it rasps and cracks under the weight of his guilt and exhaustion. he apologizes. says he couldn’t call.

couldn’t leave. couldn’t do anything.

shinji can see that. watching shirou, he can feel his despair and his frustration. he has so many more questions, but it’s just not the time. he doesn’t want to see shirou suffer like this. he reaches across the table, extending a hand. it’s something shirou used to do for him when he got too stressed out planning a mission.

shirou stares at shinji for a moment before tentatively accepting, interlocking their fingers. closing his eyes, shinji inhales big and exhales.

there’s a warmth to him that was dying to escape before and has only just recently found its way out.

“it’s okay. you opened the door for me today.”

shirou wishes he didn’t still feel like puking.

shinji eventually falls asleep on the floor underneath the blanket he’d been given. shirou is doing the dishes when he hears shinji’s phone ring. he doesn’t wake up, so it goes to voicemail.

voicemail notification.
text notification.

text notification.
text notification.
text notification.

shirou then looks in horror when his own phone starts to ring. his voicemail box and long since filled up, so the text notifications start coming in. he picks up the phone.

it’s tohsaka. as one would expect, she’s looking for shinji.

[ sorry for worrying you, he’s here. he fell asleep. ]

they talk for a while and tohsaka admits that she is glad shinji’s persistence paid off and that she hopes shirou is doing well.

shinji visits shirou regularly after that, having tea and snacks and shinji encouraging shirou to walk around the courtyard under the guise of physical therapy. they don’t tackle hard subjects in their discussions quite yet, as it still feels like they’re getting reacquainted, but somewhere along the way shirou finds himself looking more forward to shinji’s visits than anxious about them.

one day, when shinji isn’t visiting tohsaka calls. worried that something has happened to him, he overcomes his phobia and answers. nothing has happened, but tohsaka has a serious matter to discuss with him. she is returning to clocktower.

“sakura is away at university. emiya, is there any way you can look after shinji... ? i don’t think that he can live on his own.”