Thread 8: Stories 120-135

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>Applejack
“Celestia”
________

>Any particular reason why yer’ jus’ starin’ out the window in a daze, ‘Tia?

“…remember back when, Applejack? Back when the days were calm and non-chaotic?”

>Honestly? No. Ever since becomin’ one of the EoH, mah days were pretty much filled with monsters, magical beasts and other creatures lookin’ to either ruin Equestria or destroy mah crops. Though Ah guess from waaaaaay over here, things looked calm enough, sure.

“All I’d do was raise the sun… do a prance about the courtyard… come in for some cake… sleep… then wake up in time to lower the sun….”

>An’ y’all wonder why Equestria is on the brink of an economic and financial collapse.

“No troubles, no worries, maybe a little tease now and again to Shining Armor to make sure I still had it….”

>‘It’ is a mighty vague term there. Ya surely can’t mean ‘it’ as in a sense of leadership or duty.

“Poke fun of Luna for her huge flank….”

>Hers is Ponyville to yer' Equestria. Fact.

“Get little status updates from Twilight….”

>Ya mean those SOS notes because some unspeakable evil was threatenin’ the lives of the ones y’all are supposed to protect?

“I just wish I could go back there sometimes, to bask in the glory of a day where I didn’t have to worry about the ballroom exploding, or some assassin shooting my helpers down in cold blood, or some snarky apple mare getting all in my ass about the cake budget.”

>If the cake budget didn’t cost more than two Ponyville’s squashed together, there’d be no trouble.

“Crystal Empire is on the rise in virtually every category… making us look like chumps….”

>We’re about even really. The Empire has 18 and Canterlot has me, and seein’ as how Canterlot receives ten times the traffic where legislation and bill signin’ is concerned, bein’ even is still miles ahead.

“Been so long without sex that I don’t even know what it feels like to be legitimately aroused anymore….”

>…Okay, can’t help ya wit’ that one. Now, y’all done with the melodramatics?

“Just about, yes. I was mostly wasting time until they got the pool in place anyway. If I’m going to dive out the window, might as well have fun with it. Time for a few practice dives! ‘Tia out!”

And Celestia dove from the window with all the elegance of a gazelle mid-leap.

>Ah’ve never seen anypony so dedicated to shirkin’ their duties to the point where it’d actually be *less* time an’ energy-consumin’ to actually do them….

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Is it ready?"

"See for yourself."

"Ahhh, it's beautiful. Is it awake?"

"It will be when it hits town."

"Excellent, prepare it for launch, I want that bumpkin town gone."

"Ready, Flim?"

"Ready, Flam!"

"Let's bing-bang zam!"

"And show these ponies a world of pain!"

"Now watch closely, my prince!"

"The fun begins!"

"Now, here's where the magic happens, right here in this heaving, roiling, monstrosity, pickled guts of this very machine, the witless beast we plucked up has, right now, been turned into a grade-A top-notch five-star blow-your-horseshoes-off one-of-a-kind Handy Dog!"

Meanwhile, in Ponyville...

Diamond Tiara walks away huffing at another failed attempt to destroy the bane of her existence, Applejack 56. Alongside her, Silver Spoon's words of sanity fell on deaf ears.

"One of these days, I swear, when he least expects it, he'll let his guard down, and then, I'll be there! Doing stuff!"

"... You mean trying to kill him? and that happens a lot, he's not a very suspecting pony." Silver Spoon pointed out.

Any reply Diamond Tiara had was cut off as a panicked trio of Cutiemark Crusaders breathlessly skidded to a halt in front of her.

"Monster! At Sweet Apple Acres! ... Help!" Applebloom pleaded earning rolled eyes from Tiara.

"And just why would I help you?"

Scootaloo grinned as though waiting for this question. "Because without Sweet Apple Acres, your family is financially screwed."

Slowly, Diamond Tiara looked to Silver Spoon who shrugged. "She has a point. And, you know, basic decency since you are the one with a lot of weapons that can stop such things."

"Dammit..." Diamond Tiara grunted and trudged off towards the orchard.

When Diamond Tiara arrived, she had expected an Ursa Minor, an escaped demon of Cheerlie's, or some other run-of-the-mill monster. She had not expected an enormous, hulking Diamond Dog head affixed to a crude mechanical body with enormous, ape-like arms, pausing to hack, wheeze, and cough while Big Macintosh carried Granny Smith away from the monster who had already cut a wise swath of destruction.

"YOU'RE MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!" The mechanical monster groaned and seemed to throw a bolt of lightning at Big Mac who spasmed wildly and fell to the ground.

His last conscious words were "not again..."

"Hey! You want some noise? Pick on Vinyl Scratch!" Diamond Tiara shouted and fired a series of rockets at the Handydog.

The Handydog took the full salvo and screamed like screeching gears, but had survived the blast and managed to clear the great distance between the main house and Diamond Tiara's position near the front gate in a single bound. She was then swatted like a fly, her rocket launcher clattering to the ground.

On the plus side, it knocked it into cover amongst the trees. Unfortunately, trees seemed to be little obstacle to it.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" It shouted while Diamond tiara scrambled behind cover and took out her new anti-material rifle.

"Because you smell funny when you're wet and piss on shoes!" She screamed the moment she centered her sights and fired just as it spotted her and began one of it's mighty leaps.

Instead of knocking her aside like last time, the shot connected with it's chest, leaving the brute in another coughing fit.

This was her chance, a point blank shot to the head should finish it!

But she was out of ammo, and out of other weapons.

"Catch!" A familiar voice shouted and out of the corner of Diamond Tiara's eyes she caught sight of one of her earlier failed weapons at dispatching 56. A shotgun.

Catching it, she turned it on the living machine just as he recovered and began to swing a massive fist at her. Pressing the barrel to it's chest, she pulled the trigger and braced for the inevitable impact. Instead she felt the swing sweep past her head and as she looked, she say the massive hole her shotgun had blown through the handydog from the front clear out the back, it spun on its foot, twist and rending its own knee joints from the momentum of its missed swing and collapsed.

"Whoa! Are you okay, Blankflank?" Applejack 56 rushed up, breathing heavily.

Diamond Tiara felt no room to quip and just nodded. "Yeah... You-... You saved my life."

"Well, hey, I guess you can't try to kill me anymore, right?"

She considered agreeing the moment before she heard a mechanical whine from the fallen machine followed by a powerful explosion with a burst of electricity that slammed her against a broken apple tree.

"I... Hate you." She cursed with the last of her strength.

When she woke up, the sun was setting and she found herself in a hospital room with a surprising number of get-well-soon cards and balloons. The more surprising guest though was Applebloom's older sister.

"Yer awake. How're ya feelin'?"

Pondering this, DT replies "Actually, not too bad."

"Good, 'cause we need ta talk." The princess then took out a pin and levitated it before her, it seemed to be a stylized 'A'

"These robot attacks have gone on long enough, an' Ah'm puttin' together a team."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Twilight"
>"AJ"
'???'
~???~

---

Applejack is happily tending to paperwork, then in comes another mechanical failure.

'BZZZT! YOU there, MUD PONY PRINCESS. We are here to take over for PRINCESS MUMMY.'

>"Now they're not even makin' a lick o' sense."

Suddenly the robot is engulfed in a giant beam of searing plasma from outside the castle, through the window.

>"HOLY-- What in th' hay?!"

Applejack coughs as light flames spread over the area, and the blackened room is barely recognisable.

"Sorry!!"

>"Wha-?"

"Hey AJ!"

Applejack looks out her window to see Twilight is sitting atop a giant hulking, metal... thing.

>"What in tha' name o' Tatarus is that??"

"Meet Harmony Prime!"

>"Wha?"

~FRIENDSHIP, IS THE SOVEREIGN RIGHT OF EVERY EQUESTRIAN!~

"Isn't he great?!"

>"He cooked mah room!"

"But he eliminated a possible threat!"

~ENGAGING STRIPED ZEBRA AGGRESSORS!~

Harmony Prime turns and blasts away two more robots behind him who were attempting to enter the castle.

>"He's racist?!"

"No! He's just a failed super weapon from a war against the Zebra's thousands of years ago! I just upgraded him to this! Couldn't change the audio yet though!"

~EMBRACE FRIENDSHIP! OR BE ERADICATED!~

>"Ah'm scared of what you can create sometimes, Twi."

"Only our enemies should be afraid, AJ."

>"Twi, th' one in here ya blasted, said "Princess Mummy", so ah'm thinking it's confirmed Blueblood's behind this."

>"Yup! We'll get him. Right Prime?"

~FRIENDSHIP IS NON-NEGOTIABLE!~
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

{What on earth, pray tell, is this creature of such immense girth?}

~ZEBRA DETECTED ON EQUESTRIAN SOIL. LETHAL FORCE ENGAGED.~

{I see. I believe i will now, how you say, "make like a tree."}

"Harmony prime no! Bad super weapon! Very bad super weapon! That zebra is a friend of ours!"

~COMMENCING TACTICAL ASSESSMENT: STRIPPED ZEBRA ALLY DETECTED.~

"Uh oh."

~INITIATING EMERGENCY ZEBRA ACQUISITION DIRECTIVE: IMMEDIATE SELF-DESTRUCT. BETTER WIPED THAN STRIPED!!~

"W-wait! The zebra's gone now! We're totally not friends anymore! And if you blow up now then how will you stop the striped menace??"

~STRIPES ARE A TEMPORARY SETBACK ON THE ROAD TO FRIENDSHIP~

"Yes they are big guy, now lets get you back to the lab so we ca-"

~INITIATING DIRECTIVE #1010: DESTROY ALL ZEBRA!~

"Oh horseapples."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Juuuuust a quick adjustment... There!"

~Bzt! ZEBRA DETECTED ON EQUESTRIAN SOIL: GREETINGS PARAMETERS, ENGAGED!~

[He is friendly now, I see. He does not wish to cause harm to me?]

"Just a simple fix of targeting parameters. Only attacks the robots now."

[It is pleasing to hear this. Killing me would put me out of the potion making business.]

~THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!~

"That's a new audio file."

>"Did ya take that from the film "Hoof-lander?""
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Applejack"
'Celestia'
~~~

>...I feel the darkness approaching.

No booms this time. His door simply melted away, as if it no longer wished to be on this same plain of existence, and would rather be goo.

"WHERE. IS. SHE."

>Applejack! You never visit anymore. How are you.

"WHERE."

>That is a LOT of tar, I'm noticing. How did you get that giant tanker on the train? Do trains allow that? The bag of feathers, I get, that seems like something they would let on, but the tanker...

"She drank, EVERY DROP, of mah' cider. ALL OF IT. An then she ran off. So now, EVERYONE gonna know what a little chicken shit she is! And ya'll have till the count of three ta' tell me where, and Ah'll know if yer' lyin. ONE."

>Yeah, see, the thing with that is-

"TWO, and don't think I won't do this ta' you too!"

His eyes started darting around, sweat dripping from his brow, panic over taking him.

>Um, uh, shit, uh-

"THREE-"

>UNDER THE DESK!

"Now, see, was that so hard-"

>But she, uh, she can't talk right now. She's... occupied. Mouth wise.

"...Ah' beg yer' pardon."

>Um. S-she's... you know. Cadence told you about that whole "Celebrity exception" thing, right? Weeeellll, uh, she was really, really sorry for sicking Chrysalis on me, and well... once she was sober, she uh, made an offer...

"...Yer' lyin'."

>Are you really going to take that risk? Alright, fine. Go ahead, call my bluff. Flip this desk over. I wouldn't, though. Cause we BOTH know I wouldn't make something like this up. Which means if you flipped this you would see your princess with a mouth full of Shiny-bits.

"...Whhhy would ya' tell me that? Ah', not sure ah' see why ya' would let me know."

>...What, seriously? You can tell when I lie and have a BOILING VAT OF TAR behind you. What if you just assumed she was hiding there, and poured it over here? She offered happy mouth time fun specifically to AVOID that.

"..."

>...

She stared harder and harder into his soul with every second. He could feel himself melting under the pressure, but he did not waver.

"...Ah'm still gonna tar her."

>Why, to embarrass her? Applejack, I don't even have to look down right now to know she is totally, utterly horrified. You did more catching her like this than any feathers will ever do. So go easy on her? For me? She was just feeling really, really bad about herself, she didn't mean to drink that much. Please?

"..."

>...

"...Fine. She'll pay fer' every drop outta her cake budget, and Ah'm gonna mess with her every time ah' see her for this!"

>Well deserved, thanks. So, uh, would you mind letting her...

"Fine, but only cause Ah' think you actually deserve it fer' once."

With a loud THUNK, the tanker dropped to the floor.

"Ya'll can handle this."

She left, and Shining's heart beat hard with every hoofstep until finally, she was out of range, and he could slump tiredly into his chair, letting out a deep, satisfied breath.

'Wow.'

The air above him shimmered, a magical veil on the ceiling dissipating and revealing the massive princess target of Applejacks fury.

'I owe you BIG for that one.'

>I can't feel my heart.

'Yeah, she does that. Alright, I'm gonna slink off just in case she decides to come back. But really, I owe you one for that. Tar hurts.'

>Don't mention it. Still your royal guard at heart, I guess. That and we whiteys gotta stick together.

'Word. Hoof-bump me?'

>Hoof-bumped, Princess.

'Hah, see you... best pony.'

With way more stealth than she should have been capable of, she slinked away.

>...Anytime now, heart.... okay, seriously, you have to stop doing this, this cannot be healthy....Damn it heart!.

~~~~EPILOGUE!~~~~~~

[Oh, Applejack! How nice of you to stop by, what brings you down?]

"Official business. By the way, yer' husband's getting his spear shined by Celestia in the other room. Jus' thought you should know."

The former earth pony walked off, leaving behind a stunned and wide eyed Cadence behind.

[...Oh sweet mercy...she actually bought that? Wow. And I called Shiny a terrible liar. Showed me.]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"MM"
[56]
~~~~~~~

>Oh, the horror, oh the pain! My poor hoof, it's glory, TARNISHED! What filthy, inbred monster would leave this garbage upon the ground! Who would... Did I just hear someone scream "Heads up?", I swear I did-

The whistle of a rocket was his only warning before it landed square upon his head.

>ARRHG! PAIN! OH SWEET FUCKING MERCY THE PAIN!

"Oh my god! Are you okay!?"

>NO I'M NOT OKAY A ROCKET HIT ME IN THE FACE! FUCK THE FANCY TALK! THAT HURTS!

"Hold still! Stop moving... you don't look like you're bleeding."

>THE FUCK I'M NOT! ROCKET! FAAAACE!

"No, really, you look fine. Did it just graze you?"

>HOW DOES A ROCKET *GRAZE* SOMEONE!? I JUST... Just... don't actually feel that bad, huh. I mean, it really HURTS, but not, like, chips of chitin falling off amidst a pool of blood hurts. Just sort of... severely bruised hurts. Ow. Owowow.

"To be fair, it wasn't that big a rocket, I'm fine and I was standing right next to you."

>All the same, I am going to SUE THE FUCK OUT OF-

[Hey, Cuz! You okay? Sorry, I uh, I was trying to win the crowds back... prooobably shouldn't have stolen flatflanks rocket launcher... while she was holding it. Can we move past this, as cousins? I'll make you a "I'm sorry" cake. Made fresh from the bakery.]

>...

[...Can I borrow, like, fifty bits? I'm little short.]

"What cake costs fifty bits?"

[Huh? OH! Uh, make that fifty two.]

>...

[...No? okay, I'll come back later... liittle later.... for the bits.]

>...

[...bye!]

>...

"...Your face is glowing, a little bit."

>...I will question that later. It might be rage... it's probably rage.

"...You want to get up? Your horn is kind of poking my lap."

>...Give me a few minutes.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"77"
~~~~~
>Okay, so what's the hard part about treating a changeling who took a rocket to the face?

"Figuring out which side took the rocket to the face. So why does Celestia employ six civilians to fight her battles for her?"

>Because they're still more competent than the royal guard. C'mon, that one's been around since the return of Nightmare Moon.

"You always have to respect classical works. Your turn."

>Okay, so what do you call it when a changeling is killed by a hideous, spiky monster?

"Friendly fire. Now who's using old lines?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spitfire
“Spike”
~~~~~~

In the common area of the castle sat a purple dragon and a mare with a fiery mane, both seated at the same table and each gripping a cup of hard cider.

“…”

>Don’t ask.

“Well when you put it that way, I really want to.”

>*sigh* Fine, go ahead….

“Why does your face smell like that? Does it normally smell like that? I mean, it’s not really a bad smell, kinda musky yet sweet and-“

>Rainbow Dash used my face as her executive butt-cushion for about three hours today. What you’re inhaling so vapidly right now? Yeah, that’s pure Dash ass right there.

“...huh. That's... nice? With the way she's treating you, it could've be worse, I suppose.”

>I don’t really see how, honestly. She uses my face as an ass-warmer, she’s got me chasing 56 down for her thongs, I’m on permanent cake duty… Have you ever smelled that bitch’s socks fresh off the hoof?

“…”

>She makes me pull them off with my teeth! Slowly, though, says she likes the defiant look in my eyes. Sadist mare….

Spike takes a hasty sip of his drink, clutching the mug tighter.

“…ya don’t say. What else? I-I mean, it can’t get any worse than that right?”

>You kiddin’? Whenever I make a mistake, she paddles me like I’m a gradeschool filly! Literally, she bends me over her leg and everything! She doesn’t stop until my flank is burning red!

“...”

>Oh, and remember that time you caught 56 eating cake off my plot? She found out about it….

“No way….”

>Yeah. My booty is now her personal plate for most meals… I only JUST managed to get all the whipped cream out of my crack. Well, what all her tongue couldn’t rea- Spike? You okay there, buddy? Why’re you drooling like that?

“GONNA BE IN MY BUNK! NO CALLS!”

Spitfire stared after the dashing dragon with confusion.

>What a weird little guy….
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~

>Hey, Princess? Got a question.

"And I have... run low on witty comebacks, actually. Should probably start hiring someone to keep those on standby."

>Back ta' the topic, why aren't the Changelings all dead yet?

"Alcohol, Applejack. Enough alcohol to sate the bloodlust I feel every time I walk by my once proud ballroom. And that bloodlust is great, I assure you."

>Ah' MEANT... why ain't they collapsed out of hunger?

"They eat our food. A lot of it. Sadly, not nearly enough of it poisoned."

>But, don't they need love or somethin'?

"Chyrsalis makes sure they're fed, I'll give her that if nothing else. She stops by and does her glowey thing, and they're fine."

>So where is she gettin' it?

"Well, if I remember correctly, originally it was 2 who was providing the love. Then when she left, 18 took over. Then when she left, 42 did it. Now finally it's Chrysalis who stops by and recharges their batteries full of stupid. I just assumed they were absorbing love from the Crystal Heart."

>Oh... yeah, Ah' guess that makes sense.

"...Something wrong?"

>It's just... the Crystal Heart shouldn't be doin' that, should it? It's not perpetually releasin' waves o' love, it's absorbing it, right?

"I suppose not. What other explanation is there? Do you think Cadence is using her love magic on them? I doubt they're letting their soldiers be drained or something."

>Maybe it's that...

"I wouldn't worry too much, whatever's happening, it's working. Let's just roll with it until it breaks, and then you can blame it on me."

>Was plannin' ta' do that anyway.

"...Oh! I thought of one. A-hem. You've got a question? I've got a nice big plate of "deal with it"."

>That don' work after Ah' ask the question.

"But it makes me feel better."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
“Rainbow Dash”
‘Spitfire’
-Charity-
[???]
__________

The door to Dash’s office was thrown open and Spike strode in wielding a walkie-talkie in one claw and Charity in the other.

The two inhabitants of the room looked up with some alarm, Spitfire frozen in the act of pulling up a thong to fit snuggly over Dash’s rear-end, which was fast blooming thanks to her cake consumption.

“Sp-Spike? This is, uh… I can explain….”

‘Oh go ahead, mistress. I’d love to see you try.’

But Spike passed them by like they weren't even there, quickly stepping to the window and glancing about, talking into the walkie-talkie.

>So it’s on the way? To this point?

[Yeah! If I got my trajectory right, it’ll be set for the Wonderbolts office! You there yet?]

>Affirmative. I got the window open and- wait, yeah, there it is, I see it. Thanks for the heads up, man.

[No problem. I’d feel just horrible if someone *normal* got hurt in my stead! Good luck!]

>I never miss.

The two pegasus mares stared in confusion as Spike set the walkie-talkie on the windowsill and lifted Charity, checking the chamber before giving it a good spin.

“Spike? Dude, what’s going on?”

>The usual.

-Darling, do you really think this will work?-

>If I hit it dead-on, the fallout should be neutralized. You believe in me, right Charity?

-Not a single doubt, darling.-

>Then let’s make some fireworks.

As he pointed the gun outside, Dash and Spitfire joined him at the window and peered out, their eyes flying open.

“What IS that?!”

>It’s a rocket.

‘The hell’s a rocket? Why’s it coming towards us so fast like that?’

>It’s something that can level half a castle. And it’s a misfire from Ponyville.

“Level half a… y-you mean we’re going to die?!”

Spike closed one eye.

>Not if you be quiet we won’t.

“AAAAAAAAHH!”

‘AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!’

>Not exactly quiet but alright.

Spike stilled himself like a statue, drowning out the screaming mares behind him as the rocket lurching ever closer.

-On the nose, dear?-

>On the nose.

-Mmmm, now make me scream.-

>Gladly.

*BANG!*

A massive explosion ignited the air as the rocket ruptured and Spike sighed with relief, leaning against the window frame.

The walkie-talkie crackled and he picked it up.

[Hahahaha, yeah! That lit up the whole town! Nice shot!]

>Thanks, but could you tell DT to take it easy with the rockets?

[Ha! Like she’ll listen!]

Chuckling, Spike hopped from the sill and proceeded to leave the room, leaving two very petrified mares in his wake.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~~~~

>Okay, so...

"You turned all of my papers blue? Why?"

>Okay, I THINK this was for cousin Artistca's colony, she used to live in a snowy region, so this would change anything white into blue.

"But... it's still a light blue. I can see it all my writing just fine, it's just weirdly colored."

>Yeah, she wasn't very good at it either.

"Was she blue?"

>Huh?

"Your cousin, was she colored this shade of blue?"

>What? No. She was charcoal colored, like every other Changeling. Why?

"..."

>...Ooooooh, yeah, no, I follow you now. You know what the worst part is? That isn't how they died. They uh... 'conquered' a volcano.

"Really."

>Yeah, they thought everyone was running in fear of them, when actually...

"Boom?"

>Boom.

"I'm starting to see how you were somehow the last changeling Queen standing, despite the fact I saw you try to eat an entire cake earlier today, and had to be saved yet again from the blow-hole trick."

>Still the best!

"The saddest part of my life is not being able to tell you that you are wrong."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Applejack"
'Spike'
~~~~~~~

>BAZOO-

*WHAM!*

>OW FUCK!

"Ya'll don't get ta' pull that shit with me. Ya wanna talk ta' me? Ya' open the door like a normal pony"

>Racist!

"Don't even start."

>Damn, you are strung up today! What' wrong, lizardo decided he can do better?

*WHAM!*

>How many paperweights do you have!?

"Enough ta' concuss ya' and ship ya' down ta' Appaloosa so they can tear yer' stupid rear apart."

>Wow, threatening to send me down to some backwater town so they can use me sexually? Low blow, Applejack, I see why Dash gets away with-

*WHAM!*

>FUCK!

"Ah' MEANT makin' ya do actual labor ya' annoyin' little pest, there ain't a pony on this planet I hate enough to think they deserve havin' sex with you. An' Dash ain't ACTUALLY rapin' Spits, she's jus' humiliatin' her. She's a better sort than that, an' Ah' wouldn't let it fly iffin' she wasn't."

>Stop it with the paperweights!

"Stop bein' stupid."

>I just wanted you to approve the damn tariff on the logging sales! THAT'S ALL!

"Start with that, an' you and ah' could be... able ta' tolerate each other, ah' guess."

>Hateful!

*WHAM!*

>WHY!?

"Evenin' out the lumps on yer' head, you'll thank me later."

>RRRGH!

*SLAM!*

'...Wow. That was pretty intense of you.'

"Yep."

'...You were worried she was going to get the tariff down even lower, weren't you.'

"She's an annoyin' little bug monster, Spike, but she's good at what she does."

A long smirk crossed her lips.

"Ah'm just better."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"RD"
'Spitfire'
~Bulk Biceps/Feather Flight/Whateverthefuckhisnameis~

---

*CRASH*

~HEY RAINBOW DASH, CAN I GET A FORM ON APPLYING TO BECOME A WONDERBOLT?!~

He stops, seeing Rainbow Dash.

"This totally isn't me dominating Spitfire with bondage and my insanely huge arse."

~...ALRIGHT THEN! CAN I GET THAT FORM PLEASE?~

'Over there on the stack of papers, there should be one.'

*He moves on over and examines the area for the paper.*

~CAN'T FIND IT.~

"Try that other stack. An-- HEY. Hold still, you. Move again and I'll make you wear the leather mask so you can't breathe until I say."

'Yes my mistress.'

~...~

"Aren't you supposed to be finding that form?"

~I'LL BE IN MY BUNK, NO CALLS!~

*He rushes out immediately. Rainbow Dash shrugs getting back to her 'work'.*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"AJ42"
[SA]
-Cadence-
~~~~~

>42? We may have gone too far with this one.

"We went too far when we bought the eight hundred "Jello" kits. We went too far when we rented out the giant pool and poured them all in. We went too far when we ripped off a chunk of a glacier and brought it into town so we didn't have to refrigerate this. There was not a line we crossed, Majesty, there was a hoofball stadium of lines, and we just kept racing over them."

>And yet, we did it anyway.

"I admit, Majesty, that the idea of a pool of jello was a very, very tempting one. But nonetheless, we've gone too far."

>...Want to dive in anyway and see what happens?

"...Yes."

~~~~~Minutes later~~~~

[BREATH DAMN IT BREATH!]

"Okay, so, what happens is drowning. We see that now."

>HHHACK! KAFF! *GASP!*...

[...]

>...Y-you want to know the worst part?

[No. I really don't.]

>...I want to do it again, that was fun.

"...Me too."

[...I kind of do too.]

~~~~~~Minutes later~~~~~~

-BREATH DAMN IT, BREATH!-
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