Thread 106: Stories 1-15

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OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Hey, Celly? Gotta question.

"And I hold in my hoof the power to destroy this world and all you love. Which, I ask, will you risk for such a simple question?"

>Granny.

"WOW! Okay, WOW!"

>Ah' ain't riskin' nothin', Ah' just wanna watch ya' try ta' outfox mah' granny.

"...Fair enough. So, what was your question?"

>Ya' seem relaxed fer this.

"I've found a bit of... stress relief."

>In the tub, ya' mean?

"Oh no, did you see-"

>Ah' don't care what'cha do ta' who under that water, and Ah' don't wanna know.

"...wha-"

>SAID AH' DON'T WANNA KNOW!... Mah question is, do we have a government mail system? It seems kinda random. Like, Ah' get having competing businesses, but shouldn't we have an official one for the common folk to use?

"..."

>...

"...Shit. Well, the short answer is, uh... we HAD one, but..."

>...

"Ieeeee... burned it down."

>...

"...Don't you want to know why?"

>No.

"Oh... okay, so-"

>So this all yer' fault.

"Okay, that's just stating a fact."

>As opposed ta' all the other times?

"...right through the heart, AJ, right through the heart..."

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>AJ
"Sunset"
'Pinkie'
~~~

>...Huh.

"And you complained to me."

'She's got a point, Jackie, this kinda is setting a bad example for your student.'

>Sunset, don't ever do what Ah' just did.

"But it's okay when you do it."

>Yep.

"...Okay."

'Really?'

"I've learned not to argue. That made me a changeling-zombie thing... somehow... so I'm just rolling with it."

'Ah... so are we actually going to go help those guys?'

>They kinda brought it on themselves.

'By doing what you said to do?'

"And then did yourself?"

>Yep.

"..."

'...I think you need to rethink this teacher job.'

>Why? This is easy as buckin' on a sunny day.

"...that changeling just got crushed by a hay pile."

>Is he dead?

"...nope."

>See? Easy as pie.

'...maybe I wasn't the best influence on you...'

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 OOCO
>AJ
"Twilight"
~~~▪

"So let met get this straight. You want me to put landmines... in your bathroom."

>That's the short of it, yep.

"LANDMINES... in your bathroom."

>Just make sure you tell me where ya' put 'em. Me, and nobody else.

"..."

>...Yep.

"... is this to blow up my brother?"

>W-whaaa? Noooo.

"..."

>...hoping to hit Celestia too-

"OUT!"

>You'd understand if they did it to you-

"OUT I SAID!"

>fine... thought we were friends... rassafrassa...

LEAVES!

"...pfft, as if, Shiny can come in my bathroom anytime he wants, even if I'm using it! Doesn't bother me none... I even kind of like it..."


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 >18
"SA"
~~~~

Nothing had happened yet.

No explosions, no blasts of any number of substances, no trips and medical emergencies, no battles for life, not even any fire.

There wasn't even any fire.

Instead, she had learned Shining had a love for collecting comic books, which she knew, now knew his favorite book series about a grizzled old solider, and ants.

Apparently, Shining loved his ants.

"So that's when mom said "If you even think about messing this up, I will personally set you on fire, son! Don't think I won't! Honey? Tell him!" and dad just kinda nodded... needless to say, the rest of Twilight's birthday was a liiiitle awkward."

Nothing, absolutely nothing was going wrong.

Yet she still felt like there was something that was going to happen, something... big.

"Hey, you know, I know you don't like to talk about it too much, but uh... what was it like before all this for you?"

...Shit.

>Um...

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want."

>...I guess... I probably should eventually...

"..."

>...There was this one time Chrysalis totally set a church on fire.

"Now this I HAVE to hear- wait, anyone dead?"

>Nobody was in it.

"This has raised further questions, explain."

Could it be possible?

Could really nothing go wrong?

...Nah, something was going to explode, she just fucking knew it.

>So it started with a clown...

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Derpy]
{ShadowDerpys}
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and my show makes better sense when you're sleepy! Now for our main segment...running!
Canned applause from DT's backpack as Pinkie carries them all.

'...why did it do that?'

>When will you learn not to question things when I'm around?

"...she has you there."

[Just leave me. I'd slow you down.]

>Hey, don't say that. We're not going to leave you to the shadows!

'I probably could.'

"You're not helping."

'I'm just being honest here.'

[I'd understand if you did. I'm a useless pony who can't do anything right. If you take me with you, I'll probably make things worse.]

"...you're not useless."

[You don't even know me princess Cadence.]

Cadence looks straight on.
"I don't care...you're not useless..."

'Hey, now that I'm looking around, this dream Ponyville has all the streets mixed up.'

>Oh...that explains why we haven't reached Sugar Cube Corner.

'Really? That was your plan? What are we going to do at Sug-'

[AAAAAAH!]

>"'WHOA!!!'"
They all tumble over.

>Why'd you scream and make us fall?

[Look at your hooves!]

The shards embedded in Pinkie earlier turned into small Shadow Derpys
{No escape!}
DT checks herself and finds out she's covered in small eyeless Derpy shadows.
{We've got you now.}

'They're crawling in my skin!'

>So much for healing our wounds at Sugar Cube Corner!

"Is this real?! What should I do?!"

They try to brush themselves off.
>I still have a plan, but we need to get to Sugar Cube Corner. Fly up and look for the pink sugary building

Cadence flies up and scans her surroundings.
"...I see it!"

>Good, now fly-
Cadence scoops them all up and zips through the air.
>This is good, but we probably shouldn't crash through the window.

"Okay."
They crash through the door leaving a shape of themselves.

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 >29
"Luna"
~~~~

If he heard another carnival theme in his entire life, it was going to be a sign there was no merciful god, and that he was not saving ghost children, he was exploding them.

Not all that bad a fate if this was the alternative.

>...Are thou even trying?

Randomly, a clown walked out in front of him, hit him with a pie, and rolled off.

>I'll take that as a no.

"Of course we are! We.. well, of course we intended this to be, uh... w-well, the circus is a sign of the fun of youth, so we have... uh..."

>Thou have what?

"...oh! We're symbolizing that thine ego is a joke?"

As if in response to such a claim, he was run over by a clowncart very shortly.

>Ah... ha ha, ah ha ha, ha. I have been slain with laughter and inspiration. Thank goodness thou was here to show me the light that mine sense of self worth is some kind of cosmic joke.

"Er-"

>Thou does know jokes are meant to be watched and participated in, right? You are encouraging me to continue, because it brings others joy. Which I knew, thou simply does not understand the difference of types of joy. Hardly surprising.

Strangely, there was no strangling, no barking of anger, nothing.

Simply... silence.

"...I don't get it..."

The darkness came rolling in waves, until it consumed the faux funhouse she had created. It left behind... nothing. Nothing but empty, black darkness all around.

>...Well? What is mine next test?

Silence once more, but this time it felt different.

This time it felt... lonely.

>Hello? Princess? What is mine next test?

Nothing.

>...Teacher?

Endless, unfathomable, nothing.

>...Luna?

On and on, forever more, leaving him alone.

Leaving him... cold.

>...well, that's at least one lesson learned...

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>PD
"Gwen"
'Idris'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~

"Didn't take you for one who enjoyed the party life."

Her response was a lopsided smile, and slamming her cup to the table. She felt that said it all.

>Keeping a professional face has it's limits.

"Indeed... as I'm sure my husband can attest to."

His response, in turn, was a bellowing belly belch as he too slammed a cup to the table.

'If I had to shake one more talon or give one more speech, I was going to shove this crown right up the nearest royal ass and tell them they could have it.'

"And thus, the Af Gryphonia dynasty crumbles, in the grandest of ways."

>Pffft, not after all I just had to pull off, you'd better not. If you guys threw in the towel now, You'd so not get a Hearth's Warming card this year.

"Hearth's Warming?"

>...Oh, right. Nevermind.

"Still, while your party skills are impressive, they are sadly..."

[WOOOOOO!]

"Nothing compared to his... sigh."

The response from her youngest son was only to swing by on a banner, hanging by nothing but his hind a female gryphon on each arm.

'Rather disappointing that he was the only one who didn't manage to sway anyone...'

"I can't say I'm surprised or even disappointed at this point."

>Hey he looks fun to me.

"No, if you want fun, you have to go to-"

{AH-HEM!}

"...that one."

The mare slowly looked over her shoulder, to the odd thing frantically poking at her side with one hoof, while a book hung taut in the other.

>I think one of your robots is malfunctioning. Also, betrayal, this is clearly not one of mine.

{Vekir is not robot, she is morlock!}

>Oh, I see... what the fuck is a morlock?

{Ehhhh, sun demon is hidden behind tarp, Vekir should be fine.}

>Am I supposed to know what that-

With a CLICK her helmet fell away.

>SWEET HUMPING CELESTIA ON THE BACK OF A BULL!

{No, Vekir is Morlock! Not... thing you said!}

>What the fuck!?

{Morlock! Vekir is Morlok! Morlock ambassador, to be precise! Morlocks live under Sisslestia castle!}

>...Okay...

"You reacted remarkably well to that."

>I don't even care anymore at this point. What can I help you with, er, Veker?

{VEKIR!}

>Sorry.

{Vekir is ambassador who is visiting Catbirds to learn of Catbird things! So, since you are friend of Catbirds, Vekir wishes to be your friend as well!}

>...Sure, you know what? Why not.

{HUZZAH! Friendship has been made!}

>Just out of curiosity, what, exactly, is the 'sun demon'?

{The sun demon is the great thing in the sky that steals the souls of the morlocks! It rips them from body and turns body... TO GOOO!}

>...

"They melt in the sun, apparently."

>They melt? Like... melt melt?

{Puddles are left!... That is not a huzzah.}

'They're, uh... quite interesting.'

>Yes... you certainly seem as such.

{Vekir thanks you!... Would you mind signing Vekir's book? Sisslestia princess said she needs to get one from all leaders in order to prove she is Ambassador worthy!}

>All leaders you say?... Hrm... tell me, what is the point of all this, Vekir?

{We muchly wish to trade! Brother Rekulk is trade with City of White, but we muchly wish trade with whole big world! If Vekir Ambassadors good enough, everyone will trade with morlocks!}

>...Tell me, Vekir, if I managed to set you up with meeting the other leaders, would you like to trade with me?

To say she had wonder in her wide, innocent eyes simply did not cut it. She looked, for all the world, like she had found the secret portal to candy and puppy land... and she was allowed to eat both.

{THAT WOULD BE BEST MISSES DROPPED PENNYS!}

>Pennydrop.

{That is what Vekir said! Thank you so much!}

>Oh, don't thank me... today is all about helping friends, after all...

"...Ignoring how creepy you sound when you're drunk, How nice!"

'Yes, very kind of you.'

{HUZZAH! Vekir will remember this!}

>...just helping out...

"Seriously, I'm cutting you off."

>I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

HEADTABLE!

>I've had enough....

{Vekir thinks this is going to end great!}

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 >32
"Actarius"
~~~~

>...Pshoooo... my, what a boring day.

"Yep."

>With the new at ease attitude towards my species, I've been fielding less and less complaints here recently.

"Yep."

>And of course, they never had much interest in us to begin with.

"Nope."

>So... I'm mostly waiting. There is nothing that needs filing right now.

"Yep."

>...If only there was something interesting me and you and I could do.

"..."

>...If only there was something...

"..."

>...On this desk, perhaps? Or really anywhere, not picky.

"..."

>...Something... fun?

"...Do you juggle?"

>I can juggle certain things if you want, yes.

"Well, I mean, if you're not good with it, you shouldn't go past balls."

>Oh, I am a wizard with balls.

"Huh. Cool! Lemme see!"

>...Did you just actually hoof me juggling balls?

"Wha? Are these not your type? They work great for JJ."

>...

"...Boss?"

>ARRRGGHHH!

SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM!

"Awww, don't be so hard on yourself, juggling isn't for everybody!"

>...one of these days you're going to get it, and I won't know what to do.

"Don't you mean you'll get it?"

>.......

"The juggling, I mean."

>WHY MUST YOU CRUSH MY DREAMS!?

"I thought I was being supportive..."

>ARRGHGHHHH!

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>AB
"SL"
'???"
~~~~~~

>Okay, so, this went south pretty fast.

"YOU THINK!?"

*Arf!*

>Thank you, Winona! Just... thank you, thank ya' so much, Ah' just never would'a known it iffin' it wasn't fer' you. A right revelation, that's what this was!

"What did she say?"

>Ain't gotta gaddng clue, but Ah' don't want her mad at me till she cuts us out of the GADDANG GIANT SPIDER WEB!

"...I think it's something else, actually."

>What else could it possibly be!?

"I dunno, just looks more like a... what do you call it, those thing butterflies come out of?"

>Chrysalis?

"No, not her, the butterfly thing!

>Chrysalis.

"NOT THE BUG! THE THING THE BUG COMES OUT OF!"

>CHRYSALIS GADDANG IT! IT'S CALLED A CHRYSALIS!

'I think you mean cocoon.'

>...Or cocoon, yeah, Ah' guess that works.

"..."

>...wait... where... where was...

"..."

'Would you like some candy?'

>...
"..."

>"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"THIS WENT SOUTH SO FAST!'

*....Arf?*

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OOCO
>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'SA'
~~~~~

>I'm starting to think this was a bad idea.

"SHUT IT ALL DOWN!"

>Really?

'Yeah, really?'

"SHE said it was a bad idea. Her. Her bad ideas are the worst ideas."

>HEY!

'Hey, you don't know, that might mean it was a really good idea!'

>FUCK YOU!

"Do you really want to take that gamble? What are we risking in exchange? We just naturally have good ideas, we don't need to lean on chance."

>FUCK YOU TOO!

'Where would we be if we didn't take a chance on her ideas?'

>FU... uh... was that bad?

"..."

'...'

>FUCK YOU!

"...It's not that big a deal anyway."

'Yeahhh, we can do better.'

"Come on, Chrysalis!"

>...I still wanted to play croquet, I just thought it was a bad idea because you don't know the rules...

"Coming?"

>...Seventy Seven will play with me, assholes.

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OOCO
>Chrysalis
"77"
~~~~

"Er, Majesty, while I am glad you wished to spend time with me, and I certainly love having a partner for this since Cheerilee finds it incredibly boring, uh... I wish you'd stop scowling."

>I'M FINE.

"Oh... okay... so, uh, your serve?"

WHACK!

"...You were supposed to hit the little poles, not the.. not the princesses head."

>DOUBLE POINTS!

"Right... right, double points..."

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NC
'Luna'
~~~~

>ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION!?

'You broke her skull!'

>That just means I was doing it right!

'...'

>Wait, shit...

~~~One war later~~~~~

'HOW!? Our lands, all our armies, DECIMATED! We're ruined! You control everything!'

>Huh. That actually went really well for me... OH SHIT! NOW I ACTUALLY HAVE TO RULE AND FIX THIS PLACE!.... Fuck that! You deal with this, bitch!

BLAM!

'...Everything went better than expected.'

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>AJ
"Sunset"
'Pinkie'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~~

>...Huh.

"What?"

>Is it just me, or is everythin' going... too well.

'Noooo.'

"What do you mean?"

>Ah' just mean that Ponyville seems ta' be givin' us less hassle than Canterlot did.

'Applejack no.'

"Huh, you know, I did notice that too. Think it's because Ponyville has had to put up with them more?"

>Dunno, maybe we're just nicer round these parts. For whatever reason, it's just goin' good.

'Stop, please stop.'

"Well, thank goodness for small blessings, right?"

>Yep! Who knows, we might be able ta' wrap this whole part o' the trip up in no time!

"Then what?"

>Dunno, guess Ah'll have ta' start figurin' that one out. Thought Ah' was gonna have ta' take longer for this, but as long as this keeps up like it is...

'Applejack why.'

"Huh. So we're just banking on nothing going wrong?"

>Somethin' really wrong would have ta' happen ta' mess this up.

'You're doing this on purpose.'

>Yep. Looks like smooth-

Thoom.
>...Looks like smooth-
Thoom.
>...Looks like smooth sailing-
ThoomthoomTHOOMTHOOM

>What in tarnation!?

'You did this. You called this, you monster.'

THOOMTHOOM THOOM THOOM!

CRUNCH!

>...
"..."
'...Your fault.'

{Princess A-}

[There! Okay! We found them! They're right there! They're right in front of us! Are you happy now!? Is this not what you wanted!?]

{Mom! I'm trying to talk to the princess!}

[Just call her Apple pony, it's what I do.]

>No ya' don't.

[What did you say, Apple pony?]

>...Ah' hate you so much.

[That's no way to talk to your buddy.]

"WAIT WHAT!?"

>Is there any reason y'all are down here?

[We're visiting.]

{MOM! Let me talk!}

>So... yer' gonna be here... for more than a minute?

"Annnd, most of Ponyville are running back inside their houses."

>...Shit.

'YOU DID THIS!'

>You say somethin', Pinkie?

'...this is the grave you chose...'

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OOCO
>Pinkie
"Dash"
'Twilight'
[Applejack]
{FS}
~???~
~~~

>Okay, so, that last Pinkie Party Pouncers? Didn't go so well.

"STICK ON A DAMN NAME!"

>Whoa whoa whoa! No swearing! Those beeps cost money, you know!

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just a little cranky because EVERY insurance agency has dropped me! Every one of them! They won't take me in after the last time I got exploded!"

>...doesn't... doesn't Equestria have free healthcare?

"HINT! HINT!"

>Ah. I see.

'Huh. Where's Rarity? I thought she was your posh and or wildcard.'

>I refer you to Dash's previous rant. That's not a wildcard, that's a homewrecker.

'So-'

>So we're waiting for the season finale to bring her back, she'll probably be a fan favorite.

[So why am Ah' here?]

>Because I got a lot of complaints about that one, they think you need to be more involved because of reasons. So, now you're the stick in the mud who tells us not to do stuff, and then we do it anyway. Try to scream "PINKIEEE!" at the top of your lungs while you do.

[What!? That's silly! Make Fluttershy do that stuff, Ah' like having fun!]

{Um... I don't mind doing that if you want to make Applejack the wildcard.}

>Pfft, APPLEJACK!? The WILDCARD!? Come on! She's as predictable as the sunrise on a day when Celly is sober.

[...]

"N-nooooo."

>What? What are you.

[...What... did you... say?]

>...Ha! I haven't got any explosives this time! You can't blow me up!

[Oh, okay, so those bottles up there ain't alcoholic.]

>...Twilight?

'Assuming she hit them with a big enough force and with an incendiary attack of some kind, boom.'

>A-applejack, let's think about this.

[Oh, Ah' thought about it.]

{Oh dear.}

>What are you going to do!?

[What am Ah' gonna do, ya' say? Well...]

~~~

[WOOOOO! DONSHA KNOW YER' ALL MAH VERY BESH FREEEEINDS!]

~MY WORD!~
~Most unorthodox! MOST UNORTHODOX!~\
~Our party has been crashed!~

>...
"..."
'...'
{...This did not go the way I was thinking.}

>...Freaking show stealer!

[MAH VERY BESH FREEENNSSHHH!}

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>Chitania
"AJ"
~~

"Seriously? Can ya' please leave?"

>Don't tell me how to live.

"Ah' asked nicely."

>That sounded more like 'fuck you' than nicely.

"Have ya' ever heard it the other way?"

>Oh of course, I've heard it many times when they were begging me not to keep punching them.

"...Just go."

>Still telling me what to do.

"At leas Ah'm bein' hones this time."

>You get pity points, nothing else.

"...Gonna be like this?"

>I enjoy the simple things in life.

"Really gonna be like this?"

>I think I am, yes.

"..."

>...Nothing?

"...ya' ever had an apple?"

>...

"..."

>...Meh, I'll try anything once.

"...hrm..."

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