Outtie Outtie Let's Be Free

"So you wanna hear a real scary ghost story, huh? Well this one is true, I know some of you've seen the signs left behind. Remember that old pizza place we went to when we were little, Freddy Fazbear's? Well, they say one of the reasons it closed down is because the place was haunted by all the kids who died there..."

"The pizza ghosts? Boooring, we've heard this one a dozen times, David. Workers go missing and stuff, some say ground up into the pizza sauce and bonemeal for the dough-"

"Holy crap Mark, can you not? You've done this for every story, just let me tell it already."

"Fiiiiine."

"Okay, so as I was saying, the kids died there and haunted the place, but a while after it was closed down, they demolished the place and paved it over with a parking lot, and most don't know what happened to the haunted things from that place. But. Not long after, some teens just like us went missing, along with adults, with the only trace of them being bloody scratch marks where someone was dragged away...

You remember Maria, who's been in the hospital since the week after spring break? Well, she says she saw what happened to those kids who were dragged away, watched it happen easter sunday to an older cousin. When the adults went inside, shortly as twilight started to take away the daytime, the little kids wanted to play hide and seek with the older kids. The older kids who figured they'd do a much better job finding hiding spots than the younger kids agreed and went into hiding around the housing development. Maria and her older cousin got a bit far out, a little into the desert behind their suburb, and found some old fridges and washing machines to hide out by. They waited a while as it started to get darker before they started hearing what they thought was the little kids yelling out 'olly olly oxen free!' But even as they poked their heads out, they couldn't see the other kids.

The call came again, a bit louder, but sounding all wrong, like someone shouting while they were inhaling. Maria and her cousin looked around confused, when the air suddenly got cold, and they suddenly had a lot of static electricity seeing as they'd get a painful zap when they'd bump into the old appliances. They called back, 'We're here!' and that's when night finally fell, and two lights were suddenly flashing on them. Maria's cousin started to scream as whatever the two lights were was dragging her by her ankles up in the air, by something unseen. Maria's cousin clawed at the ground, trying to grip anything to pull away, the rocks and gravel tearing up her fingers and tingeing the stones and dirt pink with blood. Maria tried to grab her cousin, but her cousin's hands were too slippery. Her cousin's nails had been torn off by the dirt and rocks, leaving the fingers covered in a cold, slick blood.

Maria tried to attack whatever the thing was grabbing and taking her cousin away. Then, suddenly six more lights appeared, and the vague outline of Bonnie the rabbit and Chica the chicken, and directly in front of her, Freddy Fazbear. A similar, horrible voice blurted out as she felt two icy hands grab her by the shoulders. 'Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's!'"

"Hhhoooooly crap, really David? Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's?! I thought I'd heard the dumbest ghost line with 'What are YOU doing here?' but crap...!"

"Shut it, Mark. Just getting to the good part, dammit. Anyway, so the six other lights show up, and for a moment, Maria swears she saw Freddy Fazbear gripping her shoulders, Foxy the pirate holding her cousin up by the ankles, with Chica and Bonnie about to join in grabbing them, when Foxy draws a slash across his throat with the line he used to say, 'Dead men tell no tales.'

Maria tried to run in the opposite direction, but Freddy wouldn't let go, he had a firm grip on her shoulder! ...Until it got dislocated. With a sickening, wet krrrrr-pop and the sound of meat slorshing back into place as the muscles tried to pull the loose limb back in, Maria let out an ear-piercing scream. She kept running, trying desperately to get away! She kept running and running until she tripped over a large rock and slammed into the filthy old washing machine. At the time she didn't realize she'd cut herself on it and kept running all the way to her home, collapsing as soon as she got on the lawn. She heard as her vision faded, 'We want to wish you a Faztastic birthday, little girl!' in that breathy, warped voice. Next thing she knew, she was in a hospital bed, with a dislocated shoulder, broken upper arm, tetanus, and lockjaw, which is why she couldn't tell me this story for a while.

They never found the cousin, they've given up hope finding her, as the police only found the signs of the cousin being dragged away and long streaks of her blood, but where the trail stopped the cousin just sort of vanished without any further trace. So beware when you hear 'olly olly oxen free', that you don't heed the call of those wandering ghosts of the old pizza joint. You might get dragged away to whatever hell they have planned for you.

There, was that scary enough for you, Mark? Mark? Where the hell did you go, this isn't funny!"