The Nef in the Wall

TV: [Jason is watching the movie while eating popcorn] We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of Night of the Void Child.
Steve from DE: [screaming while being chased by the Man in the Wall]
Jason: Hurry, Kailash, the scary void movie's on.
Kailash: Meow.
Jason: What do you mean I shouldn't watch this? Scary movies don't always freak me out. [scene cuts to Jason lying in his bed, whimpering and shivering] What if Mom is a void being? What if Uncle Sherm is a void being? What if Kailash is a void being? Kailash? [Kailash is sleeping] Psst, Kailash? Kai-Guy? [pokes Kailash's eye, causing him to wake up]
Kailash: Meow.
Jason: Kailash, if you were a void being, you'd tell me, right?
Kailash: Meow.
Jason: Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep. [goes to sleep. Dreams about running from the giant void being from the movie earlier. Scene cuts to the next day at the Corpus Krab, with Jason in the kitchen, panting] void being! Oh my gosh! [void being turns out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and broom, and a bucket] Huh? [chuckles nervously. Scene cuts to Nef Anyo holding down his money on his office desk]
Nef Anyo: How about a little music to count me money to? [turns on the radio that is next to him]
Eudico: [From the radio] And now for the #1 song in Fortuna: "Electric Zoo." [techno beat is heard. Nef Anyo starts counting his money]
Nef Anyo: Hey, that's pretty catchy. Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's music. [scene cuts to the kitchen. A buzzer goes off]
Jason: I surrender! Oh.
Anya: Jason! [Jason screams. His hat flies onto Anya's nose]
Jason: Anya, why are you wearing my hat on your nose?
Anya: [removes the hat from her nose and puts it back on Jason's head] I'm not wearing your hat on my nose! I'm waiting for #17's order!
Jason: #17 -- [holds up a tray with food] Krabby Patty and a medium beverage. Course. Sorry Anya, I'm not really feeling myself today. I guess I'm a little bit jumpy. I keep thinking void beings are taking over the world, probably on account of this movie I watched last night where void beings take over the world. I even asked Kailash if he was a void being! Pretty funny, huh?
Anya: [sarcastically] Hilarious. Just deliver the food.
Jason: [delivers the food to Captain Vor] There you go! Enjoy your... Say, you're not a void being, are you?
Captain Vor: No, I'm not.
Jason: Well, keep your eyes peeled. [in a deep voice] They're everywhere. Back to work! [he runs away, Captain Vor shrugs his shoulders, obviously not realizing that he too will become a void being in time. Jason walks by Nef Anyo' office]
Nef Anyo: [from office] I feel completely recharged!
Jason: That sounds like Nef Anyo. [peeks in the window]
Nef Anyo: Come on, little buddy, play it again. [shakes his radio] Please? One more time, for me.
Jason: That was strange. Nef Anyo was talking to his radio, and he said he feels "recharged." [laughs] If I didn't know better, I'd say he was... [scene zooms in on Jason] ...a void being! Nah.
Nef Anyo: [calls the radio station] Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again.
Eudico: [From the phone] Hmmm... which one, man?
Nef Anyo: The one that goes "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep."
Eudico: No, man. You're thinking of "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop."
Nef Anyo: Bee-boo-boo-boo-boo-bop, [Garbly telephone noise] bee-boo-boo-bop, [Garbly telephone noise] boo-boo-bee-bop? [Garbly telephone noise] Not bee-boo-boo-beep? [Garbly telephone noise] Bop? [Garbly telephone noise] Beep?! [Garbly telephone noise] Boo-boo-bop?! [Jason screams]
Jason: Oh my gosh. Why was Nef Anyo making all those beeping sounds? Could it be that he's... [scene zooms in on him] ...a void being? Nah. [peeks into the window again and sees Nef Anyo doing a void being dance on his desk. He jumps onto Anya's arms] Oh, Anya, it's terrible! Nef Anyo... talking to radio... beeping sounds... strange dancing... void being!
Anya: [picks up Jason off her arms] That's great, Jason. Why don't you work on this problem back in the kitchen! [throws him in the kitchen. Anya laughs, but Jason reappears beside her. Anya is confused and looks around for how he did it]
Jason: I'm serious, Anya! Nef Anyo is a void being. And I can prove it, too.
Anya: [confused] How did you...?
Jason: Let's see, in the movie the void beings didn't have a sense of humor! They couldn't laugh. Hey, Nef Anyo!
Nef Anyo: [runs up to the counter] What is it, boy?
Jason: Anya just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it.
Nef Anyo: Is it true, Anya? Is it hilarious?
Anya: Umm... yeah, sure.
Nef Anyo: Well, let's hear it then.
Jason: Okay, here it goes! Uhh, how'd it go Anya?
Anya: [chuckles nervously] Uhh, it went, umm, uhh, let's see, uhh... why couldn't the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?
Nef Anyo: Why?
Anya: It was rated "Arr!"[laughing] Arr! Because it's... about... pirates.
Nef Anyo: I'm not paying you to do stand up, Ms. Anya! Now get back to work!
Jason: [gasps] Not even a chuckle! See, Anya? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's... [scene zooms in on him] ...a void being!
Anya: There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, Jason. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Neffy is a void being is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you...
Jason: Hey, Nef Anyo!
Nef Anyo: [runs up to the counter again] What? What is it, boy?
Jason: Anya's sister never hugged her. Isn't that sad? [pretends to cry]
Nef Anyo: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Anya can hug herself during her break! Now get back to work!
Jason: Just like the void being in the movie. He couldn't cry either.
Anya: Jason, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my sister loves me very much!
Jason: That's the final test, Anya; the love test. void beings can't love.
Anya: No, wait, Jason!
Jason: Hey, Nef Anyo!
Nef Anyo: [runs up to the counter again] What is it, Jason?!
Jason: I just wanted to tell you that Anya loves you! [Nef Anyo makes a blank expression on his face]
Nef Anyo: Get back to work, Ms. Anya.
Jason: [gulps] Anya? [Nef Anyo is at his desk writing something when the radio stops working. Radio breaks with electronic breakage sound effect.]
Nef Anyo: Aw, me radio died! [takes out the batteries] Hmmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know! I'll give 'em to Frohd Bek for Christmas. [puts the batteries in his back pocket. A bell rings and then Nef Anyo walks over to a pot of boiling water] Me hard-boiled egg is ready! [picks up a pair of tongs] I can already taste it. Come to Papa. [takes the egg out of the water with his tongs] Got ya! And what good is a hot-boiled egg without a little salt? [picks up a pinch of salt]
Jason: Nef Anyo!
Nef Anyo: [breaks the egg and accidentally tosses the full salt shaker into his eyes] Ahhh! Oh, my eyes! [starts screaming]
Jason: Mr... [Anya puts his hand over Jason's mouth]
Anya: Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these void beings in the movie look like?
Jason: Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries.
Anya: Okay, so tell me, does Nef Anyo look anything like that?!
Nef Anyo: [Barges out screaming; his eyes are piercing red, his pair of the tongs snip, then it shows the batteries in his pocket]
Jason & Anya: [both screaming]
Nef Anyo: [continues screaming as he goes into the bathroom]
Anya: I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Relays!
Jason: [runs over to the phone] Hello, Ordis? Get me the Relays!
Ordis: Hello, you've reached Vesper Relay's automated phone service.
Jason: Anya, the void beings are running the Relays!
Anya: Not the Relays! [over loudspeaker] Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Void beings have taken over the world! [everyone is silent] Our world! [all the customers run out screaming] What do we do now?
Jason: I don't know! [notices a nickel] Hey, a nickel! [he points at it]
Anya: Jason.
Jason: Sorry.
Nef Anyo: [walks out of the bathroom, his eyes back to normal] Ah, that's better. [walks back to his office] Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo-boo-bop.
Anya: We need to find out what that void being did with the real Nef Anyo, but how?
Jason: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the void being.
Anya: They poop on the void being?
Jason: Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information.
Anya: I never thought I'd say this, but, Jason, let's get that poop! [grabs the book titled How To Torture and reads it with Jason. Jason grabs some rope while Anya grabs a hammer and a saw. Jason also grabs some old comedy records. Scene cuts to Nef Anyo' office, where Jason & Anya enter]
Nef Anyo: Oh, hello, crew. [they are at the door with angry expressions on their faces] What can I do for you? [Jason & Anya lock the door] Heh-heh, why did you lock the door? [nervously as they slowly and menacingly approach him] Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?! [shot of outside the Corpus Krab where loud crashing and everyone screaming can be heard. Back in the office, Anya ties Nef Anyo to his office chair] Jason! Anya! What's the meaning of this?! Untie me this instant!
Anya: Shut up! [slaps Nef Anyo]
Nef Anyo: Sweet Orokin Jesus, what the heck is going on?!
Anya: I said "shut up!," you bucket of bolts! [slaps him again]
Jason: I can't take it! [runs off, crying]
Anya: Jason, are you okay?
Jason: Oh, Anya, seeing you slap Nef Anyo like that is just too horrible to watch!
Anya: No, that's not Nef Anyo. That's void being Neffy. [Nef Anyo is trying to get out of his chair]
Jason: Oh, yeah.
Anya: And the only way to deal with these void being types is to find out what they know.
Jason: Right. [runs up to Nef Anyo and then slaps him]
Anya: Jason, you got to ask him a question first.
Jason: Oh, yeah. What color is my underwear? [slaps him again]
Anya: Jason, let me handle this. [turns a light on Nef Anyo] Where's Nef Anyo?
Nef Anyo: [confused] What are you talkin' about? I'm Nef Anyo. [Anya slaps him again]
Anya: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Nef Anyo?
Nef Anyo: I'm Nef Anyo.
Jason: Where's Nef Anyo?
Nef Anyo: I'm Nef Anyo.
Anya: Where's Nef Anyo?
Nef Anyo: I am Nef Anyo! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!
Jason: This is one stubborn void being.
Nef Anyo: [confused, then angrily yells] WHAT?! [his yelling knocks over the light and Jason] YOU THINK I'M A void being?!
Anya: We don't think; we know.
Nef Anyo: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I am Nef Anyo!
Anya: [walks over to Jason] He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.
Jason: I got an idea. [pokes Anya's nose] Keep an eye on him, Anya. Don't fall for any of his robo tricks. [runs out and returns later] If void being Krabs won't tell us where Nef Anyo is, maybe one of his little void being friends will. [holds up a blender]
Anya: Jason, uhh, that's a blender.
Jason: Yeah, but I saw Nef Anyo talking with his radio before. He called it his "little buddy."
Anya: Oh, really? Put it on the table, Jason.
Nef Anyo: You're gonna interrogate my blender? You're crazy.
Anya: We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. [Jason sets the blender on Nef Anyo' desk. Anya holds up a bat]
Nef Anyo: [panicking] No, wait! What are you going to do to me blender?! That cost me money!
Anya: Where's Nef Anyo? [shot of the blender] Not talking, eh? [breaks the blender with the bat]
Nef Anyo: No! That cost me $24.95!
Jason: I guess it didn't know anything.
Anya: Go get the toaster. [Jason gets the toaster then puts it on Nef Anyo' desk]
Nef Anyo: No, not me toaster. That cost me $32.50! [Anya breaks the toaster and then Jason sets a food processor on the desk] $62.67! [Anya breaks it with the bat. Jason picks up a coffee maker and puts it on the desk] Four... well, actually, that one was a gift. [Anya breaks it] Nooo!
Jason: [while trying to put the cash register on Nef Anyo' desk] This is the last void being, Anya.
Nef Anyo: No, not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator. [crying] No! [sobbing and then sobbing louder]
Anya: I thought you said void beings can't cry.
Jason: I also said they couldn't love.
Nef Anyo: [crying] I loved it like it was me own.
Jason: Uh, at least he's not laughing.
Nef Anyo: Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share! [sobbing]
Anya: Jason uhh, how did that movie of yours end?
Jason: The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any void beings after all. It was just their... [slows down, as he realizes his mistake] imagination. [chuckles nervously, timpani noise, as if he anticipates Anya to be angry at him, then checks his watch] Hey, it's time to feed Kailash. [runs out while Anya smiles nervously at Nef Anyo and then grabs a broom and sweeps the broken pieces on the floor. Nef Anyo becomes infuriated]
Nef Anyo: [Growling, starting the background shaking] AAAAANYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAA!!!!