Thread 108: Stories 46-60

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 >Luna
"Canterlot Citizens"
~~~~

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

>...We feel like we are missing something.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

>...Something... is off...

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 >Sunset
"29"
~~~

>...No no no, you need to make the fingers longer.

"The wha-... Oh, right, the claws."

>FINGERS. You need to get it right, FINGERS.

"Look, well do I know the names of biology and the limbs which can strum the dragons lyre, and they are claws!"

>Ugh... no no no, completely hairless.

"Hairless? Huh, at last, something I know quite well."

>No! You have to keep the hair!

"...But you just said-"

>Sorry, keep the MANE.

"Be specific!"

>Yeah, yeah this is shaping up...

"What is this for anyway?"

>Er...Just so you can learn about another species, one no royal has seen!

"...thou knows how to push mine buttons, FWOOSH!"

>...this is shaping up nicely...

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OOCO
>SA
"AJ"
'???'
~~~~

>... Pinch me.

"Now how in tarnation do you expect me ta do that?"

>Anyway you can, I need to be sure this is real.

"It's real."

>She said, not knowing how much of a hallucination she sounded like.

"Ya' ain't hallucinating."

>... You're sure?

"Ah'm sure."

>Really?

"Really."

>... So she-

"Yes."

>She's really-

"Yepper."

'Do you mind keeping it down? I'm trying to work!'

>... My wife is doing some paperwork.

"That she is."

>...

"...ya' okay?"

>Not gonna lie, there's only one thing keeping me from falling over in shock right now.

"What's that?"

>...

"... And now Ah'm gonna take two steps to the side."

>I don't blame you.

'Shush!'

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NON-CANON
>Pinkie
"Rarity"
~~~

>...Well I guess-

"Don't."

>...Well I guess-

"Doooon't."

>...Well I guess I can't call you Rara anymore!

"FUCK YOU!"

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Non-Canon
>AJ
"Twilight"
~~~

>Is it just me or did technology get fuckin' weird in like, a year.

"You mean the robots, the airships, or the magic room that can create different scenarios?"

>What? No, Ah' meant the laser light shows.

"Oh yeah... that's weird."

>Real weird, yeah.

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>Chitania
"Sunset"
'AJ'
~~~~

'Fuck.'

>She's just been sitting there doing that for, like, an hour. What the fuck is wrong with her?

"I don't know, I was distracted with... things... what exactly caused her to go like this?"

>I have no fucking idea, some pegasus came down, said some shit and shook her for a second, then flew off, and she's just been sitting there repeating the same line over and over.

'Fuck.'

>That one.

"This is weird, Applejack normally doesn't curse very often. This is way out of character."

>She says fuck around me all the time.

"Oh, so these are extenuating circumstances wherein she is frustrated, angry and hopeless?"

>Sounds about right for anyone who talks to me.

"...You know, sociopathy is treatable now with drugs."

>What? What drugs can fix that?

"It's called Cyanide, give it a try sometimes."

>...Fucking laugh riot, that's what you are.

"Would cure all your personality problems, guaranteed."

'Fuck.'

"She might need something else, though."

>...So are we going to do something about this?

"I probably should, but I'm afraid she'll snap at me like a bear trap."

>...

Poke.

'GADDANGMOTHERFUCKIN'BULLSHITTIN'SONOFAONETOOTHEDTHREELEGGEDWHOREBORNONADANGMONDAY-'

"Told you so."

>I'm lacking in regrets, this is funny.

"It cures that too, by the way."

>But will it cure being an annoying bitch?

"For certain, even someone as bad as you."

>Then you'll need a double dose, just to be on the safe side.

'-ANDAH'MNOTEVENGETTIN'STARTEDONWHERETHEYCANSHOVETHEIRROTTENAPPLECOREDICKS-'

>Me, however? Laughter is the best medicine, as they say.

"...Meh, maybe I can gleam what's wrong from the rambling."

'-UPSIDESDOWNYER'MOTHERFUCKIN'CORNEA-'

"I'm not betting on it, though."

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>42
"Chrysalis"
~~

>...majesty?

"Yes?"

>Have you ever really, really wanted to punch someone, but knew they had the moral, legal, ethical and farsighted stance.

"Nope."

>I see... I understand that, logically, it actually was deceptive of us to do this, but at the same time... I really, really want to hit her. Have you ever felt like that?

"Nu-uh."

>Really?

"Never."

>Oh... I see... well, perhaps it is something I need to work on then.

"You do that."

>Good day, Majesty.

"....pffft, course I never wanted to punch someone, punching is for the help... I wanted to set her stupid ass on fire."

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Nc
>Chitty
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>PAWNCH

"GAHHHHHHH WHY DID THAT MAKE FIRE!?"

>Don't fuck with punches.

*Bro-Hoofs 42*

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>Dash
"LD"
'Fleetfoot'
[Soarin']
{Gilda}
^Bulk^
~CanterlotP~
~|~~~~

>Ponies PLEASE! Calm down! I'm sure everything is totally under control and nothing at all like you're worried about!

Strong, commanding, powerful, everything a good captain should be.

~WE'RE BEING INVADED!~

And about as useful as a waterballoon against a tornado. A tornado made of fire. Full of sharks. With chainsaws.

Chainsaw sharks, and they were all avenging their loved one who was gunned down three days from retirement.

>We're not being invaded!

"...You're, uh, sure boss?"

It was hard enough to convince the roaring masses. If she had to add her Wonderbolts to that, she was right fucked.

>Yes, LD, I'm sure. We're not being invaded.

'You heard the mare, everyone calm down and back down, now!'

It was strange, seeing Fleetfoot of everyone get into the thick of it, jump up and get ready at the call for once instead of slacking off.

Having one's dreams violently ripped away from them and then told they were gone forever had an effect, it seemed. She hoped that she didn't need to play that card again.



~...OH DEAR FAUST!~

~I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT!~

Needless to say, the roaring fire had found it's fuel source.

>...Seriously!?

{And the award for employee of the month goes to... Soarin!}

^YEAH!^

>...

^Sorry.^

>No no, it's your thing, I understand.

"What're we going to do, boss!? They're getting worse!"

>Desperate times, Lightning Dust.... ahem... Will you ponies CALM DOWN NOW OR I WILL RAINBOOM YOU ALL!

That, at least, made everyone go quiet.

~Did you just say you were going to attack us!?~

For about two seconds.

~Oh dear Celestia, maybe she's a changeling!~

~Maybe they're all changelings!~

~Maybe WE'RE all changelings!~

~AHHHHH~

>...That backfired a scooch.

[Why did you think saying you were going to hit them would calm them down?]

>It was supposed to... I dunno, make them stop?

{With... fear? When I do it, it normally just makes them more afraid.}

>...My problem solving skills need refinement.

"You're fine, boss!"

'Yeah!'

>Well, if they say so.

~AHHHHH~

>Oh, right, panic ponies. How we coming with answers to that.



>Fantastic.

{Can't believe that dweeb would pull this shit.}

"Right? Who would offload all their duties, classified documents included, to a changeling!?"

'That's just... wrong!'

^YEAH!^

>...right.

[Did you ever suspect anything, Dash?]

>...The situation was never investigated, no.

'Aw, not your fault, had everyone fooled I bet.'

>Heh, yeah... everyone all fooled...

~AHHHHHHHHH~

>Right, problem solving time. Ideas?

"'[{...}]'"

^Nope!^

>...maybe if I said I was going to hit them harder...

~AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~

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OCOO
NC
>Rarity
"Rest of the M6"
~~
>Oh, hello, darlings, what can I help you with?

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT"

MEGA 5 HORSE PUNCH

>AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

"Think she's on the moon now?"

"ah'd be suprised is she weren't in the sun by now, sugarcube"

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>Spitfire
"Pegasi guards"
~~~

>FUUUUUUUUCCKKKK!

"Are you saying that because you just found out about this, or the whole... reveal thing."

>Second thing!

"Ah. Did not know when you were going to catch on."

>...

"What? We all knew for months. It's not like this is a surprise to us."

"In fact, we were ready to start some shit if they tried to kick Eighteen out. My armor is high class and my paycheck is fat, fuck the haters."

>Really?

"New slang I heard last week. Is it already outdated?"

>...

"I'll stick to Dragon-speak."

>This is a bad, bad scenario.

"I'm trying to find my identity, okay!?"

>I meant the whole... well, that's pretty sad too, but that's not what I meant!

"Hurtful."

"Why are we panicking? Everyone seems... okay, they're not fans of this whole thing, and several of them are muttering... unfortunate things... but on the whole we're looking at something less than a riot, which is good. Less than riots are good."

>Okay, Buddy? Listen here. The Empire, we're big on love, right? Forgiveness, kindness, all that shit?

"...Don't like it being called shit, but sure."

>So, what do you think is going to happen elsewhere if we're reacting like this?

"..."

"...'

"...I just think it's cute she said 'we'."

>SOLIDER!

"Bad?"

>IT'S BAD!

"So, what should we do?"

>...quick, we need a bigger scandal to distract them, ideas!?

"I could come out as gay."

>Literally everyone knows you're gay.

"HOW DID THEY KNOW!?"

>...

"...It was one time!"

>Other ideas?

"...sex scandal wherein the new captain has sex with all of the airforce at once?"

>....

*POW!*

"MY GODDAMN EYE! I THINK IT SHATTERED!"

>Anyone else want to do that plan?

"""""""MA'AM NO MA'AM!"""""""

>Good... I'm going to convene with Shining, maybe he'll have an idea. Until that point, stay active, team!

*ZOOM!*

"...You okay?"

"GAHHHHH!"

"You deserved that."

"Yeah, everyone knows she's with the prince."

"..."
"..."
"..."

"...Don't crush my headcanon."

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>Actarius
"88"
~~~~

>....Fffffffuuuuuuu.....

"What?'

>...

"What!?"

>...N-nooothing.

"Nothing?"

>Nothing at all! I... spilled my drink.

"That was not a 'spilled my drink' almost curse, that was a 'we're all gonna die' one."

>W-wha? Nooooo, don't be silly.

"Are we going to die."

>Sure, someday!

"..."

>...Not today, I'm sure.

"What is that rumbling?"

>I'm hungry?

"It sounds like a stampede."

>...Marathon today?

"It sounds like it's outside the door."

>Er... parade? Theme is... stomping?

"...'

>...

"...If something happens, get behind me."

>You know, I think it would be better if the opposite happened.

"Because I'm blind?"

>Yes.

"..."

>I'm not sugar coating that.

"You listen here, pal. I died once, I fucking got overwhelmed and died. I fucking died. If you think, if you even dream, that I'm going to let them so much as scratch me without ripping out their eyes first and using them for my own, you don't fucking know me."

>...I actually don't. I think we've talked like.. twice when it's just you and me.

"Nobody is taking me alive. NOBODY."

>...Don't know if that's an issue.

"We have some time?"

>Doors are holding for the moment, yeah.

"...wanna have a quick one before they make it through?"

>Is that really the best time for this?

"HA! You do know what I meant!"

>Well, yeah. You're holding the juggling balls, what else can you mean?

"..."

>...

"...You're doing this to fuck with me, aren't you?"

>I promise you, I am not pulling the wool over your eyes.

"..."

>...

"...Pfffft... Okay. you get one."

>Neat.

"...So are we-"

>Probably, yeah.

"...bring it on."

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 >29
"MM"
~~~~

>...So according to that letter-

"Holy fucking shit!"

>...Marey?

"You blown away too!?"

>More concerned what everyone is going to think when they put together that I have also been helping you.

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"...."

>"FUUUUUUUUUUU-"

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>Screwloose
“12”
____

“Unfair.”

>What?

“Unfair unfair un-freaking-fair.”

>Whaaaaaat, pervert? What’s unfair?

“…You know what you’re doing, and I consider it a damnable offense against not only me but my mental well-being.”

>Really? Well… Sorry to hear that.

“…”

>…

“…It’s like you want me to jump on you or something.”

>What? Heaven’s to Celestia no, pervert! Honestly, can’t a mare enjoy her new socks without being drooled over?

“I dunno. Can’t a mare just put the damn socks on without slowly… painstakingly… purposefully… rolling them up and down her hoof? Can’t a mare do that without using her teeth to tug on the end?”

>No, she can’t.

“I’m seeing that she can’t. I'm seeing that very clearly. Want to know what else I’m seeing? Me, losing self-control. Me, leaping. And you… helpless.”

>Me? Helpless? I’d laugh if I weren’t trying to tug this blasted thing on right….

“…Five seconds, Screwloose. Five seconds, then I’m diving.”

>As much as I’m sure a changeling can pull off a perfect swan dive, you might want to take a peek at the rest of the mail that came with my package, perv. There’s one letter in particular that I’m sure you’ll get a laugh out of.

“If this is a plan to distract me from your hooves, you’ve got another thing c-… wait… what is this?”

>Looks like impersonation fraud or some such. Funny, right?

“…”


>Oh come on, not even a chuckle? A little snort?

“…”

>…Don’t tell me you actually thought Princess Bubblegum was actually doing all that paperwork? Hell, I’ve only seen the mare through pictures and I was only half-right in figuring her manlier half did all the pencil-pushing. Gotta admit, even I didn’t foresee one of your hive behind the Empire’s sudden upheaval in… shit, in pretty much everything.

“…”

>Good for you guys though, right? Let’s just ignore the fact that ponies everywhere are outraged by the deceit—a trait that your kind outrageously excels in, if I might add—and are more than likely regressing back to rudimentary views of changelings as a whole, no, let’s focus on the main point: a single changeling ran an entire country nearly by herself. And for so long before being ousted at that! Truly… us ponies are blind and incapable as fuck at the best of times. Buuuut enough of that, you’re not laughing like how I thought you would, you look like you’ve seen a ghost actually, so! I’ll let you get a freebie on my hooves, now with Sock DLC!

“…You know what? Yeah. I’ll come back to the Empire and all that shit in a second, I need to get the rest of this sock season pass before it’s gone.”

>Mmmmmhm. ~

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 >Pommel
"Wonderbolt"
~~~

>...I'm sorry, come again now?

"Princess Cadence!"

>Pink love horse, with you so far.

"Has a changeling!"

>She has many of those, one of them legally, yes. Still following.

"WHO HAS BEEN DOING HER JOB!"

>...and that's where you lost me. One more go?

"Princess Cadence has a changeling who's been doing her job!"

>One more.

"P to the C has a Changeywangey who was do to the jerb!"

>Finally, someone talking sense!

"..."

>...I'm sorry, is that freaking you out?

"The eye thing?"

>Well, eye thing or tooth thing, they're both pretty freaky I know.

"Both of them are freaky, yeah."

>So they are bothering you?

"Little bit."

>My apologies.

"..."

>...

"...so-"

>So I'm gonna need three seconds.

"Take as much as you want, buddy!"

LEAVES!

>...That right there? That is a very considerate pegasiiiIIIAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEE

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