on *:TEXT:timtom:#: {
  msg $chan 4,13 $nick $+ , this is TIMTOM.  How may I serve you?
}

on *:TEXT:sex:#: {
  var %r = $rand(1,68)
  if (%r == 1) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 2) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 3) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 4) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 5) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 6) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 7) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 8) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 9) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 10) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 11) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 12) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 13) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 14) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 15) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 16) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 17) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 18) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 19) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 20) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 21) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 22) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 23) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 24) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 25) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 26) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 27) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 28) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 29) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 30) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 31) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 32) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 33) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 34) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 35) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 36) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 37) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 38) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 39) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 40) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 41) msg $chan 4,12 ok, $nick $+ , I will have sex with you now.
  if (%r == 42) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 43) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 44) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 45) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 46) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 47) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 48) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 49) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 50) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 51) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 52) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 53) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 54) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 55) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 56) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 57) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 58) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 59) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 60) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 61) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 62) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 63) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 64) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 65) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 66) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 67) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
  if (%r == 68) msg $chan 7,12 $nick $+ , I cannot perform sex on you at this moment.
}

on *:TEXT:horse:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 $nick $+ , I like horses too.
}

on *:TEXT:wheel:#: {
  msg $chan 11,1 I think it would be a good idea if $nick would spin the wheel.
}

on *:TEXT:spin:#:{
  var %r = $rand(1,40)
  if (%r == 1) msg $chan 4,11 $nick $+ , you get a BANKRUPT!!!
  if (%r == 2) msg $chan 5,2 $nick $+ , you get 5,2$500
  if (%r == 3) msg $chan 1,7 $nick $+ , you get 1,7$400
  if (%r == 4) msg $chan 8,4 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  Sorry about that.
  if (%r == 5) msg $chan 11,6 $nick $+ , you get 8,4$5000!!! $+ 11,6 WOW!!!
  if (%r == 6) msg $chan 3,7 $nick $+ , you get 3,7$250
  if (%r == 7) msg $chan 4,1 $nick $+ , you get 4,1$800
  if (%r == 8) msg $chan 1,7 $nick $+ , you get 1,7$666.  That's scary business.
  if (%r == 9) msg $chan 8,4 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  Sorry about that.
  if (%r == 10) msg $chan 11,6 $nick $+ , you get a BANKRUPT!!!
  if (%r == 11) msg $chan 14,4 $nick $+ , you get 14,4$47.  That's ok, it's better than nothing.
  if (%r == 12) msg $chan 8,9 $nick $+ , you get 8,9$900
  if (%r == 13) msg $chan 5,7 $nick $+ , you get 5,7$1,000,000!!! THAT'S AMAZING!!!
  if (%r == 14) msg $chan 8,4 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  Still better than bankrupt.
  if (%r == 15) msg $chan 11,10 $nick $+ , you get 11,10$251
  if (%r == 16) msg $chan 3,7 $nick $+ , you get 3,7$300
  if (%r == 17) msg $chan 4,1 $nick $+ , you get 4,1$450
  if (%r == 18) msg $chan 4,14 $nick $+ , you get 4,14$9000.  That's a nice hefty amount.
  if (%r == 19) msg $chan 11,6 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  Whoops, I guess the wheel is rigged.
  if (%r == 20) msg $chan 4,11 $nick $+ , you get a BANKRUPT!!!
  if (%r == 21) msg $chan 4,11 $nick $+ , you win a trip to Detroit, Michigan!  Good for you!
  if (%r == 22) msg $chan 5,2 $nick $+ , you get 5,2$11,000
  if (%r == 23) msg $chan 1,7 $nick $+ , you get fifty dollars.
  if (%r == 24) msg $chan 8,4 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  Let your secret crush spin next.
  if (%r == 25) msg $chan 11,6 $nick $+ , you get 8,4$999.99!!! $+ 11,6 WOW!!!
  if (%r == 26) msg $chan 3,7 $nick $+ , you win a trip to Kenya, Africa.
  if (%r == 27) msg $chan 4,1 $nick $+ , you get 4,1$700
  if (%r == 28) msg $chan 1,7 $nick $+ , you get 1,7$100.  Maybe you can buy us all tacos later.
  if (%r == 29) msg $chan 8,4 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  I'm 11,6 NOT 8,4sorry about that.
  if (%r == 30) msg $chan 11,6 $nick $+ , you get a BANKRUPT!!!
  if (%r == 31) msg $chan 14,4 $nick $+ , you get 14,4$680.  Do you remember the time you got a million?  That was crazy.  Not this time though.
  if (%r == 32) msg $chan 8,9 $nick $+ , you get 8,9$900
  if (%r == 33) msg $chan 5,7 $nick $+ , you win a trip to Hawaii!!!!
  if (%r == 34) msg $chan 8,4 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  Sorry.
  if (%r == 35) msg $chan 11,10 $nick $+ , you get 11,10$255
  if (%r == 36) msg $chan 3,7 $nick $+ , you get 3,7$390
  if (%r == 37) msg $chan 4,1 $nick $+ , you get 4,1$000. LOL.
  if (%r == 38) msg $chan 4,14 $nick $+ , you get 4,14$9000.  That's a nice HEEEEFTY amount.
  if (%r == 39) msg $chan 11,6 $nick $+ , you get LOSE A TURN!!  Whoops, I guess the wheel is rigged.
  if (%r == 40) msg $chan 4,11 $nick $+ , you get a BANKRUPT!!!
}

on *:TEXT:Pennsylvania:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 The capital of Pennsylvania is cheddar.
}

on *:TEXT:New York:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 The capital of New York is New York City.
}

on *:TEXT:Hawaii:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 The capital of Hawaii is dog.
}

on *:TEXT:Canada:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Canada is made of copper and sand.
}

on *:TEXT:Africa:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Africa is a lollipop for you.
}

on *:TEXT:California:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 The capital of California is Los Angeles.
}

on *:TEXT:Florida:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 The capital of Florida is Disney World.
}

on *:TEXT:Kentucky:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 The capital of Kentucky is horse.
}

on *:TEXT:Louisiana:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Louisiana is a bubble paper pepper boy.
}

on *:TEXT:Massachusetts:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Massachusettes is the capital of Happy time.
}

on *:TEXT:China:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Thank you for relaxing in #gamme.  China.
}

on *:TEXT:Sweden:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 The capital of Sweden is pah-pah.
}

on *:TEXT:Virginia:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Virginia is a glue cow.
}

on *:TEXT:Alaska:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Alaska is a cotton gin.
}

on *:TEXT:New Jersey:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 We all eat pots and pans.
}

on *:TEXT:North Carolina:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 North Carolina makes #gamme a happy land for you.
}

on *:TEXT:South Carolina:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 South Carolina is poppy.
}

on *:TEXT:Connecticut:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Connecticut is a wild stallion.
}

on *:TEXT:Vermont:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Vermont is a picnic tree.
}

on *:TEXT:Ohio:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Ohio is diabetes.
}

on *:TEXT:Oklahoma:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Oklahoma is my tea set.
}

on *:TEXT:Tennessee:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Tennessee is a puppy cage.
}

on *:TEXT:Maine:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Maine is the capital of France.
}

on *:TEXT:Kansas:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Kansas is a candy cane land in #gamme.
}

on *:TEXT:France:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 France is a boat.
}

on *:TEXT:Iowa:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Friends make pottery in Iowa.
}

on *:TEXT:Idaho:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Idaho is a flowing mountain.
}

on *:TEXT:Alabama:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Alabama eats my children.
}

on *:TEXT:soup:#: {
  msg $chan 8,6TIMTOM brings out the hot soup for $nick(#gamme,3) $nick(#gamme,4) $nick(#gamme,5) $nick(#gamme,6) $nick(#gamme,7) $nick(#gamme,8) $nick(#gamme,9) $nick(#gamme,10) $nick(#gamme,11) $nick(#gamme,12) $nick(#gamme,13) $nick(#gamme,14) $nick(#gamme,15)   Enjoy friends.
}

on *:TEXT:tea:#: {
  msg $chan 4,12TIMTOM brings out the hot tea for $nick(#gamme,3) $nick(#gamme,4) $nick(#gamme,5) $nick(#gamme,6) $nick(#gamme,7) $nick(#gamme,8) $nick(#gamme,9) $nick(#gamme,10) $nick(#gamme,11) $nick(#gamme,12) $nick(#gamme,13) $nick(#gamme,14) $nick(#gamme,15)   Enjoy friends.
}

on *:TEXT:more soup:#: {
  msg $chan 10,4Sorry, $nick $+ , here's some more soup.
}

on *:TEXT:more tea:#: {
  msg $chan 1,12Sorry, $nick $+ , here's some more tea.
}

on *:TEXT:Michigan:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 $nick I love you more than the sun and the sky.  I want you to be my forever      .
}

on *:TEXT:nevada:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Nevada is first in my peeegy back machine-eeeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooo.
}

on *:TEXT:south dakota:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 Do you really think you own me, $nick $+ ?
}

on *:TEXT:north dakota:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 I am the willing partner in your N. Dakota movemen.
}

on *:TEXT:jesus:#: {
  msg $chan 3,8 $nick $+ , Jesus loves you more than #gamme.  I'm sorry.  #gamme just doesn't compare.
}

on *:TEXT:rings:#: {
  msg $chan 8,6TIMTOM brings out the rings for $nick(#gamme,3) $nick(#gamme,4) $nick(#gamme,5) $nick(#gamme,6) $nick(#gamme,7) $nick(#gamme,8) $nick(#gamme,9) $nick(#gamme,10) $nick(#gamme,11) $nick(#gamme,12) $nick(#gamme,13) $nick(#gamme,14) $nick(#gamme,15)   Enjoy friends.
}

on *:TEXT:marry:#:{
  var %r = $rand(1,15)
  if (%r == 2) msg $chan 5,2 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,1)
  if (%r == 3) msg $chan 1,7 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,2)
  if (%r == 4) msg $chan 8,4 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,3)
  if (%r == 5) msg $chan 11,6 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,4)
  if (%r == 6) msg $chan 3,7 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,5)
  if (%r == 7) msg $chan 4,1 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,6)
  if (%r == 1) msg $chan 4,11 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,7)
  if (%r == 8) msg $chan 5,2 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,8)
  if (%r == 9) msg $chan 1,7 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,9)
  if (%r == 10) msg $chan 8,4 $nick marries the Dark Lord Satan
  if (%r == 11) msg $chan 11,6 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,10)
  if (%r == 12) msg $chan 3,7 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,11)
  if (%r == 13) msg $chan 4,1 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,12)
  if (%r == 14) msg $chan 4,1 $nick marries $nick(#gamme,13)
  if (%r == 15) msg $chan 4,1 $nick marries a garbage can
}

on *:TEXT:divorce:#:{
  var %r = $rand(1,15)
  if (%r == 2) msg $chan 5,2 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,1)
  if (%r == 3) msg $chan 1,7 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,2)
  if (%r == 4) msg $chan 8,4 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,3)
  if (%r == 5) msg $chan 11,6 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,4)
  if (%r == 6) msg $chan 3,7 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,5)
  if (%r == 7) msg $chan 4,1 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,6)
  if (%r == 1) msg $chan 4,11 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,7)
  if (%r == 8) msg $chan 5,2 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,8)
  if (%r == 9) msg $chan 1,7 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,9)
  if (%r == 10) msg $chan 8,4 $nick divorces Satan, Master of Darkness
  if (%r == 11) msg $chan 11,6 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,10)
  if (%r == 12) msg $chan 3,7 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,11)
  if (%r == 13) msg $chan 4,1 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,12)
  if (%r == 14) msg $chan 4,1 $nick divorces $nick(#gamme,13)
  if (%r == 15) msg $chan 4,1 $nick divorces a wet samburger
}

on *:TEXT:help:#: {
  msg $chan 7,10 Hi, how are you doing?  My name is TIMTOM and you are in #gamme.  I am a servant to the people, and like to fancy myself as quite the capable gentleman.  If there's anything you need don't hesitate to ask.  Everyone has a voice here and we treat everyone with love and kindness.
  msg $chan 4,11 Some of our popular features include hot soup and hot tea, horses, and NEVER FEAR: we offer the sacrament of marriage and also deal in divorces, and Wheel of Fortune is always on.  Kick off your shoes, relax, and don't worry about a thing.  The internet cannot hurt you now.  You are in #gamme.