Rageus Bonerattus

Authors note: This is an incomplete work, it WILL take time to write, so be sure to check back regularly!

September 9nth, 4120, 9:30am
Planet Innerwebs, Forest of Trollism

"For Real!?" A brown haired man with a beard screamed as he ran from the Kingdom of Oak Haven's Cupid Force, mainly comprised of Technologically enhanced baby ducklings with Hurricane class miniguns duct taped to their adorably fuzzy heads. Their glaring, angry eyes searching for the face of the man that Oak Haven's King uploaded to the mainframe only a few hours earlier, for the simply act of messaging a woman that had set an age range up.
Bullets slammed into the trees as the ducklings were having a fairly hard time keeping thier tiny heads up to aim properly. He ran even faster, knowing that the woman he'd sent a message to was well worth getting chased by the Cupid Force for the twentieth time this week. He was apparently a very lonely sort looking for a lass only a few years younger than himself, A strapping man of 29, looking like a combination of Iago Montoya and a pants shittingly sober Tony Stark.
"Quack." the Cupid Force squawked in confirmation.
"Well fuck you too!" He screamed back, knowing it was pointless.
"I'm banned-" He raged between bouts of gun fire and screaming.
"from sending a message to someone because Oak Havens stupid king-" He ran a ways through the forest, trying to circle back to the massive circuit boards that served as the entrance to his crazy as balls stomping grounds, the Cupid Force training the barrels of their guns as best they could on his erratic, zig zagging path.
"says I shouldn't be messaging them-" another hail of gun fire, this time taking out a few trees, two cows mating, a random clone of Donald Trump, and one of the thousands of possible Oak Haven professional Town Drunks.
"based on their preferred age range!? Utter fucking bullshit!" He screamed, finally making his way back to the great circuit board doors, only to find a man just a little bit taller then himself, decked out all manner of security clearances and Don Juan badges.
"Expelain Thishite, we keep telling you the same thing, over and over again-"
Expelain cut the guard off with a wave of his hand. "Give me a minute here, I just ran from your weird security force... Again." He replied, gasping for air.
The guard nodded, knowing that it was either this or bust yet another Town Drunk and have to deal with both the Oak Haven Chapter's red tape and the idiocy of the King.
"Oh, do go on already!" He urged with a simple wave, leaning against the hard light holographic sections keeping the place together.

"This is a Kingdom, built around the idea of unlimited socializing, within reason of course. Yes, I understand that there are cases called into the King, where some poor woman gets messaged by people who she doesn't want messaging her! The King did institute a return to sender policy, which is pretty nice for that." Expelain spoke through decreasing levels of fatigue, noting that it was pretty stupid to run away from baby ducklings.
"What's your point!?" The Guard urged, wanting this to be over with as soon as possible, having more important things to worry about. Expelain obeyed politely as he possibly could under his current predicament.
"My point being, Officer Tri'using Behz, is that policing who you are allowed to message on a social site is absolutely fucking insane!"
Officer Behz, thinking about this, had to agree on some level, but what it was, he couldn't figure out rightly. "Well, the age limit is clearly put in place to avoid-"
Expelain shook his head, trying to stay on track as well as talk his way back into Oak Haven, "Whoa, no, no, no, NO! I meant that we're both adults here, she's 20, I'm 29, her range is 20-23, and this is what I wanted to message her through the Kings Doxie Message Delivery Service, 'Hey, add me to the League? 'my username'"
In Oak Haven, the League was a popular Chapter of Legend in which Space Wizards would use alien technology to summon clones of warriors to kill each other with. The Chapter in question, had a very large Team Participation Community, with the woman in question being one of the chapters famous Recruiter. Her public profile, as uploaded by the Town Drunks of Oak Haven, mentioned that she said she recruited for it a lot.
Officer Behz shook his head disapprovingly, "This means you're clearly some sort of sexual deviant! Haven't you seen what those freak Space Wizards get up to in the public square!?"
Expelain was very annoyed, but more worried about the slowly growing quaking and whirring of duct taped weaponry coming closer. He was starting to sweat the big stuff now, getting annoyed with the whole process of going through this almost every week.

"Nope! I'm a perverted scumbag creeper! One who, obviously, has no place D.M.D.S'ing this person." He replied in heavy sarcasm, "I'm obviously harassing her because of my age! Thanks Oak Haven and the Cupid Force for assuming that I, and others like me, are the bad guys!"
"You are!?" Officer Behz screamed out loud, astonished that Exaplain would admit to something so out rightly, "I am shocked!"
"You're kind of an idiot." Exaplain replied while squinting his eyes, hearing the Cupid Force slowly rustling closer, shaking his head to refocus, he took a few steps closer towards Officer Behz.
"I realize the purpose of the Law for breaking the Doxie Messaging Delivery System, but punishing some innocent people for the actions of others... It's just not fair or sane!"
The guard simply shook his head, he wanted to let Exaplain pass, but the King of Oak Haven had put an order out to be on the look out for any rebels against the system he had so delicately put in place.
"Alright, Thishite, say... I do accept the fact that the laws on D.M.D.S'ing are Draconic by their very nature, and that's to say I haven't decided if I want to let the Cupid Force have their way with you or let you by, how would you go about this? Be mindful that your answer determines whether you walk away normal or you have a very horrific experience with baby ducklings!"

Expalain shuddered to think of what the details of that second choice might entail, he took a breath, and began his answer, "How bout this? I also have my sexuality as straight-"
"What exactly does you sexuality have to do with the D.M.D.S?" Officer Behz demanded.
"Nothing, it's just an example," Exaplain quickly answered, "but I have messaged guys before from the League Forum just behind the bar where the Town Drunks get organized?" Officer Behz began to speak, but Exaplain cut him off, "Because I had questions about Oak Havens overall Sovern functionality."
Officer Behz pulled up a hard light window with the bylaws that the citizens of Oak Haven needed to follow. "It says here that you can't ask about our sovern functionality, punishable by Cupid Force Optical Extraction the way of... Well, okay then!"
Exaplain became agitaged at the guards horrific demeanor, all this trouble over trying to get into League by the top recruiter. It wasn't as if this were a new experience for him, far from it.  "So Oak Haven, do you wanna force me from being unable to do that, TOO?"
"Fraid so, citizens of Oak Haven can only message the opposite gender. Opposing that involves the Cupid Force... WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE THAT AS A PUNISHMENT!?" Officer Behz screamed in discontentment.
Exaplain became furious, "Because obviously I have NO place messaging a straight male as a straight male. My GOD."