in all honesty? I miss you one minute, then the next I'm unsure, and then I'm unsure about anything and everything.
I'd never had someone so supportive of me, alot of people shove me down and don't listen, but you, you always listened, supported and were always there, even with your own problems.
I can't shake this bullshit with Brandon. it's half attachment, half care. I'm so used to saying he's the only one I care about, and it was true, but I did fall for you, and quite hard, yet I knew what I was doing was wrong.
I have so many regrets for kissing Brandon on that trip, it fucked everything up for me. but I know what I'm looking for from him, yet I know I'll never get it.
Emily's right. he doesn't give a shit about me, he cares because I do, and because he believes no-one else will. yet I'm stupid enough to want to be with him, and I don't even know why. and that bugs me, because the moment I think about getting with you, I remember everything with Brandon and its like being hit in the stomach.
I'm not back with you, for the reason that I fear hurting you, despite your comments to say you won't get hurt, as well as my care for him is strong, unfortunately.
I'm going to continue to put myself through the drama with Brandon as punishment for what I've done, as well as to learn a lesson.
I can't feel jack shit anymore. all I feel is pain. stupid pain. I feel an ache in my literal heart, a pit in my stomach, because I know what his answer is, yet I'm waiting for that bit of hope, stupid stupid hope.
I am a stupid girl. a seriously fucked up, stupid girl.
go back to gaming Sam, and push me away so you can move on, you deserve better. I don't care what you say about it, that's my opinion.
you're what some girls consider to be the perfect girlfriend. you're always there, you do everything.
you deserve the perfect girl, not me. I'm the bottom of the heap.

do what's best for you Sam. you know it's best for you deep down.

10 minutes agoMegan Barnard
sorry, Facebook been fucking around.

7 minutes agoSam Walsh
you know what?
fuck it.
i'm going to take your advice.
you've been constantly suggesting that I do it fro so long now, and honestly? i'm sick of the cycle.

I hope brandon manages to grow a pair and treat you right, because for now at least, i'm out.

2 minutes agoSam Walsh
and I was going to say it this time as well, but of course, I chickened out.
if ever you are to consider coming back, double-check you've moved on for brandon. because with every attempt i give it my all, and hey, cycle.

and shit, since i'm heading out, here's something i've wanted to say for a very long time:
no, you are not stupid, nor seriously fucked up, nor anything. i really don't care right now that you hate compliments, and this is not intended as one but what i actually think of you. i think you're fucking amazing, beautiful, rah rah rah, and i'm not just saying that.

yeah, catcha'.