THE DISASTER ARTIST
Written by
Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber
Based on the book by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell
Second Draft
September 24, 2015
"No Refunds."
- Sign outside the Laemmle Fairfax,
June 27th, 2003,
Opening weekend of The Room.
ii.
KRISTEN BELL speaks directly into the CAMERA.
KRISTEN BELL
You can’t begin to describe it.
It’s just so... it’s...
CUT TO:
PAUL RUDD speaks directly into the CAMERA.
PAUL RUDD
I mean...
CUT TO:
DAVID CROSS
Like nothing you’ve ever seen.
CUT TO:
JONAH HILL
Totally, impossibly terrible.
CUT TO:
IKE BARINHOLTZ
What the fuuuuuck?
CUT TO:
JONAH HILL
To say it’s a “bad” movie is
offensive to other bad movies.
CUT TO:
PAUL RUDD
The acting, the script, the green
screen...
CUT TO:
KRISTEN BELL
The sex scenes are particularly
upsetting.
CUT TO:
IKE BARINHOLTZ
“I definitely have breast cancer.”
CUT TO:
KRISTEN BELL
... but then so are the rooftop
scenes, pretty much every scene
with Denny...
CUT TO:
JONAH HILL
Oh my god, Denny.
CUT TO:
PAUL RUDD
... the tuxedos, the footballs,
playing football IN tuxedos...
CUT TO:
KRISTEN BELL
And Tommy is, I mean, what is he?
Is he human, is he a vampire, is he
just crazy...?
CUT TO:
DAVID CROSS
... complete incomprehensible
chaos.
CUT TO:
JONAH HILL
And when it ends you’re in this
state of shock. Like, what did my
eyes just see? And, more than that,
it’s like... fuck, man...
(beat)
How the hell did that happen?
AND WE CUT TO:
TITLES: “The Disaster Artist”
FADE IN on the bedroom of a passionate movie fan. Vintage
posters tacked onto the wall, a huge, impressive DVD
collection. We hear:
GREG’S VOICE
(a little winded)
Wow, thank you. This is... I’m
speechless. Really. I don’t know
what to say.
On the mantle is a “Drama Club” certificate and a framed
picture of a handsome young man in a high school performance
of “Grease.” We hear:
GREG’S VOICE (CONT’D)
Ever since I was a little boy, I
dreamed of being up on this
stage...
The VOICE belongs to GREG SESTERO (19, blonde, California
surfer dude handsome). He finishes up a round of push-ups,
stands and grabs a shirt off the bed (next to a copy of
“Point Break” which he bought off the street). As he dresses
in front of a mirror:
2.
GREG
People said I was crazy...
(fake emotional)
Sorry. Little emotional...
(beat)
I’d like to thank the Academy. My
agent. All my friends who supported
me. And of course my girlfriend,
Denise Richards. Love you Denise --
Greg’s Mom interrupts, calling from downstairs.
MRS. SESTERO (O.S.)
Dinner’s on!
Greg looks at himself one more time. Grabs “Point Break” from
the bed. Heads out. CUT TO:
INT SESTERO HOUSE - SAME
Greg runs downstairs, passing his PARENTS who are seated at
the dining room table.
GREG
Gotta run.
MRS. SESTERO
Hey. What about dinner?
GREG
(still in motion)
I’ll eat it later.
MR. SESTERO
Greg!
And now Greg stops.
MR. SESTERO
What’s so important you can’t stay
and have dinner with us?
GREG
Acting class!
And with that he’s gone. Mr. Sestero looks at his wife.
Shakes his head. Clearly doesn’t approve. CUT TO:
EXT SAN FRANCISCO - UNION SQUARE - ESTABLISHING
On the corner of Sutter and Powell is the small but
prestigious Jean Shelton Acting Studio.
SUPER: July, 1998
3.
INT JEAN SHELTON’S ACTING STUDIO
Where TWO ACTORS performing on a small, makeshift stage.
FEMALE ACTOR
“We’ll hang ourselves tomorrow.”
(beat)
“Unless Godot comes.”
MALE ACTOR
“And if he comes?”
FEMALE ACTOR
“Then we’ll be saved.”
The Male Actor slowly takes off his hat. Looks at it. Basks
in the moment.
MALE ACTOR
“Well. Shall we go?”
FEMALE ACTOR
“Yes, let’s.”
(overly dramatic)
“Let’s go.”
They don’t move for a few long beats.
MALE AND FEMALE ACTOR
And... scene.
A smattering of STUDENTS clap politely for the performers.
Greg among them. At the front of the room, the legendary
acting teacher JEAN SHELTON (60s, small in stature, huge in
every other way).
Jean takes off her glasses, stands. A long beat.
JEAN SHELTON
Well that was terrible.
The Actors, breathlessly awaiting the verdict, visibly
deflate. This hurts. The Actors, trying not to get emotional,
step down and take their seats.
Greg too is pained by this. Being ripped to shreds by Jean
is, at the moment, his greatest fear.
JEAN SHELTON
Would anyone else like to go? We
still have time.
No takers. She angles her head, looks directly at Greg.
JEAN SHELTON
Mr. Sestero? I thought you were
preparing something...
Greg looks down at his copy of “Point Break.” But he’s not
brave enough yet.
4.
GREG
Maybe next week.
JEAN SHELTON
(disappointed)
Hmm.
In fact no one is brave enough to get up there. Until:
VOICE FROM THE BACK
I go.
The whole room turns to the VOICE.
It belongs to a long-haired, muscle-toned, serious looking
MAN with a slight hunch and a creased face. He wears black
pants, a gaudy belt, dark sunglasses - equal parts “Jack
Sparrow” and “1980s Van Damme villain.”
For the first time, Greg is laying eyes on the man who will
change his life forever. This is TOMMY WISEAU.
Everyone watches as Tommy saunters slowly up to the stage.
Focused, intense, he turns a chair around and straddles it,
getting into character.
JEAN SHELTON
And what is it you have for us
Thomas?
He looks up from the chair, pushing his dyed black locks from
his face.
TOMMY
It is Tommy. Not Thomas.
(beat, serious)
Never Thomas.
Shelton rolls her eyes. Whatever. She sits.
JEAN SHELTON
When you’re ready...
Greg, too, sits back, intrigued, as if knowing he’s about to
witness something unforgettable.
The man called Tommy looks up at the ceiling, channeling,
well, something. After a few beats, he begins.
TOMMY
Stella... Stella...?
Tommy’s accent is every bit as unusual as his fashion sense.
French, German, Eastern European - impossible to tell. Tommy
says “Stella” a few more times. Then he stands. Starts
wandering the stage like a lost kitten.
5.
TOMMY
(louder)
STELLA!
Maybe Tommy hasn’t read the rest of the play. Or maybe he
doesn’t speak English. Anything is possible right now.
Greg sees some of his fellow students trying not to laugh.
Tommy doesn’t notice or care.
TOMMY
STELLLLLAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy shouts it at the crowd. Then he shouts it at the floor.
That he shouts it at the chair. He kicks the chair, causing
even Jean (who’s seen everything) to jump in her seat.
And finally, at long last, he collapses, covering his face
with his hands. He starts to rock back and forth, as if
experiencing an epileptic fit.
The tittering in the room is obvious now. But Greg isn’t
laughing. Greg is mesmerized.
TOMMY
(one last shriek)
STELLA!!!!
(and then, quietly)
Don’t ever leave me baby.
He lays on the ground another long beat. Then it’s over.
Tommy stands, runs his fingers through his hair, waits for
Jean Shelton’s response. (Everyone is waiting for Jean
Shelton’s response.) Jean, exhales - where to begin?
JEAN SHELTON
Let me ask you this, Tommy. What
was it you were trying to
accomplish with that?
Tommy doesn’t understand the question.
TOMMY
I was performing the Tennessee
Williams.
JEAN SHELTON
Yes but... what is your objective?
What does Stanley want?
TOMMY
He is... hysterical.
JEAN SHELTON
No, see, that is not an objective.
Objective means pursuit. You’re
pursuing someone, trying to reach
them. You’re not screaming because
you’re sick or in pain --
6.
TOMMY
Forgive me, but you’re wrong.
And that takes the whole room by surprise. Jean’s eyes go
wide. No one has ever spoken to her in this way. She can’t
believe it. In fact, no one can believe it.
TOMMY
See, I know this Stanley.
(resets the chair)
I show you again --
Jean raises her hand.
JEAN SHELTON
I’ve seen enough, thank you.
Tommy shrugs, walks back to his seat. To Jean, as he passes:
TOMMY
You don’t know the Stanley.
Jean doesn’t know what to make of this person.
Tommy keeps walking, passing Greg as he does. Greg looks up
at him - awed. How can anyone have that confidence?
JEAN SHELTON
Guess that’s all for today, gang.
Next week, you choose the partner
and the reading.
(then, to Greg)
And you’re all getting up there,
like it or not.
The actors begin to partner up. Tommy may as well have
leprosy. After a few beats of being ignored, he stands to go.
ANGLE ON GREG, watching Tommy exit. The Female Actor from
“Godot” sits down next to him.
FEMALE ACTOR
Do you have a partner yet?
Greg looks at her. CUT TO:
EXT JEAN SHELTON’S ACTING STUDIO - MOMENTS LATER
Tommy beating a hasty retreat. Greg races up to him.
GREG
Excuse me.
Tommy keeps walking.
GREG
Hey man.
7.
It’s only this second attempt that Tommy realizes someone is
talking to him.
GREG
My name’s Greg. Greg Sestero.
Tommy looks Greg up and down. Who is this guy?
GREG
Would you want to do a scene
together?
And on Tommy’s face, CUT TO:
EXT POLO FIELDS AT GOLDEN GATE PARK - DAY
Greg stands alone in the park, palming a FOOTBALL, convinced
Tommy isn’t coming when a white Mercedes, its windows tinted,
pulls up. The windows come down. Sure enough:
TOMMY
Get in.
Tommy is dressed in an elegant white shirt and tight black
skinny jeans.
GREG
Oh. I thought we were --
TOMMY
I have to eat now. I get cranky
little bit when I don’t eat.
Greg hesitates. This is already super weird. Tommy misreads.
TOMMY
Don’t worry, I pay.
Greg thinks about it. Shrugs. Why not? Hops in the front. He
looks at the car’s interior. Brand new, all the amenities. He
wasn’t expecting this.
GREG
Nice car.
Tommy turns to him, intense.
TOMMY
Don't talk about me.
GREG
What?
TOMMY
What I drive. Where I go. You
understand, yes?
Greg does not. At all. But he doesn’t say so. He sees a toy
ROBOT CRAB wiggling on the dashboard. That’s weird.
8.
TOMMY
And don’t look at robot crab. He’s
shy.
And with that, the car pulls out and off they go. CUT TO:
INT PASTA POMODORO RESTAURANT - LATER
Packed at lunchtime. Tommy and Greg in a booth. Tommy still
has his sunglasses on. He flags a PERSON walking by (who
definitely isn't a waiter).
TOMMY
I need to order.
CONFUSED PERSON
I don't work here.
Guy walks on. Soon enough the WAITER appears. Before he can
even speak:
TOMMY
Pesto pasta, minestrone soup, and a
cup of hot water.
WAITER
Sorry, did you say “hot water?”
TOMMY
Why you give me hard time? Hot
water, yes. And more bread with
raisin stuff.
The Waiter looks at Greg, wondering if he’s equally as odd.
GREG
Just... coffee for me, thanks.
The Waiter leaves.
TOMMY
Why you ask me here?
GREG
What?
TOMMY
Scene partners. Why you ask? You
making joke?
GREG
No. I...
Greg tries to think of the right thing to say.
GREG
I want what you have.
Tommy doesn’t understand.
9.
GREG
I work my ass off. I study, I
practice... But when it comes to
getting up there, in front of
everybody, I just... something’s
holding me back.
(beat)
I thought I could learn a thing or
two from you. That’s all.
Tommy considers this. For a moment, we’re not sure if he buys
it. Then he takes out 2 copies of a PLAY. Something he’s
chosen. Greg looks at the cover. We can tell he doesn't know
this play.
TOMMY
Let’s do scene.
Greg is obviously intimidated by the crowd. Not Tommy.
GREG
You mean here?
TOMMY
So what? Yes. To be dedicated
actor, you have to rehearse. I will
play the “Jock.” Are you ready?
Greg looks around at all the crowded DINERS. Takes a deep
breath. Fuck it, they’re doing this.
EXT RESTAURANT - LATER
Greg and Tommy emerge. Greg feels great, pleased so far with
the results. He also assumes this is goodbye.
GREG
So I'll see you in class?
TOMMY
You brought football, no? Let's
play.
GREG
In that?
TOMMY
Come on, haha... forget about this!
Tommy smiles wide and runs into the park. Greg shakes his
head. Nothing to do but follow. CUT TO:
EXT POLO FIELDS AT GOLDEN GATE PARK - LATER
Greg throws Tommy the ball. He bobbles and drops it.
10.
TOMMY
My God, sun shine like hell today.
This park is no place for vampire.
GREG
(weirded out)
What?
TOMMY
(changing the subject)
You ever been to Los Angeles, Greg?
Tommy picks up the ball and throws it back to Greg - a wobbly
sideways pass that never comes close to reaching him.
GREG
Once. When I was little. Universal
Studios. The Chinese theatre.
Sunset Boulevard.
(beat)
Best two days of my life.
TOMMY
In Los Angeles, everyone want to be
star. All these pretty boys waiting
for their chance...
Greg throws the ball back. Again Tommy drops it.
GREG
Just have to get lucky, I guess.
And that angers Tommy.
TOMMY
No!
He gets in his face. Greg has no idea what’s happening.
TOMMY
You have to be the best.
Greg nods, ok. And then Tommy drop kicks the football,
sending it flying over Greg’s head.
TOMMY
Touchdown!
Greg laughs. Tommy does too. Enjoying themselves. CUT TO:
EXT GUERRERO STREET - LATER
Greg follows Tommy up to an expensive-looking condo building
in the tony Mission District. Again, he’s shocked. It’s nice.
11.
INT THIRD FLOOR HALLWAY - GUERRERO STREET CONDO - SAME
They approach the entrance to Tommy’s condo. Tommy takes out
a KEY RING with at least fifty keys on it. As he’s about to
open the door, he stops.
TOMMY
I must ask you again. Please don’t
talk about me. Not to class. Not to
anyone.
Greg nods. After a stern beat, Tommy accepts this. Opens the
door. Greg follows him inside, no idea what to expect.
INT TOMMY’S CONDO - GUERRERO STREET - SAME
And it’s weird. PAPERS strewn everywhere, BOXES spilling over
with VIDEOTAPES and OFFICE EQUIPMENT, a BLUE UNICORN statue
in the corner next to a random SHOPPING CART filled with
empty PLASTIC BAGS.
TOMMY
The maid’s on vacation.
Tommy walks into another room, leaving Greg to continue
exploring. On one wall are several framed PORTRAITS OF TOMMY,
on another is the AMERICAN FLAG.
GREG
So where you from, Tommy?
TOMMY (O.S.)
New Orleans.
GREG
Originally?
No response. Greg keeps exploring:
On one shelf are hand-crafted SCULPTURES of DISNEY
CHARACTERS, a SKELETOR MASK, and a vase of DEAD ROSES.
On another, BOOKS about acting and film. Greg sees a framed
poem, perhaps Tommy’s favorite, called “I Do Not Choose to Be
a Common Man.”
Tommy re-enters with two glasses of water.
GREG
Thanks.
There’s a bunch of shopping bags scattered around the room,
all with a particular amateurish label on it.
GREG
“Street Fashions USA?”
12.
TOMMY
I do marketing, you know, retail
stuff.
(off Greg’s surprise)
I am man of many skills.
Tommy follows Greg’s eyes to the framed DIPLOMA from Laney
Junior College.
TOMMY
In college I don’t study the
business. I study the psychology.
But is all the same.
And now Greg’s eyes fall on a PHOTOGRAPH of a much younger
Tommy standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. It looks to be
taken in the 1960s.
GREG
When was this taken?
TOMMY
Few years back.
GREG
You look so young in it.
TOMMY
I’m not so old now, you know.
GREG
How old are you?
TOMMY
(beat)
Don’t be smart guy ok?
GREG
I’m sorry.
A beat.
GREG
So... how’d you get into acting?
TOMMY
It’s always been dream. Long time.
But I ignore it. And then, one day,
I have accident. Guy runs red light
and SMASH! Very bad. Like wake up
call you could say. So I stop the
other things, go back to my dream.
Greg nods, understanding.
GREG
For me, everything changed with
“Home Alone.”
13.
TOMMY
“Home Alone?” What is that? Movie?
GREG
Yeah, it’s... you know... “Home
Alone?”
Tommy has apparently never heard of it.
GREG
Anyway, it spoke to me, man. Maybe
cause my parents were always
working and... I was by myself all
the time. I don’t know. But that
movie changed my life. And I
realized - that could be me up
there. I could do that. So I became
obsessed. Some kids want to be
firemen, astronauts -
TOMMY
You want to be movie star.
GREG
It’s what I was born to do.
TOMMY
It’s your dream...
Greg nods. Finally someone who understands him. One day with
Tommy and he can feel his confidence growing. CUT TO:
INT SESTERO DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Greg having dinner with his parents. In mid-argument.
MR. SESTERO
... you realize it’s just two days
a week. Until their regular person
comes back --
GREG
Dad --
MR. SESTERO
Wednesdays and Thursdays. That’s
it. Get some office experience,
maybe he’ll write you a
recommendation --
GREG
I can’t Wednesdays or Thursdays. I
have acting class.
MR. SESTERO
(with disdain)
“Acting class.”
14.
GREG
Why do you say it like that?
MR. SESTERO
First it was guitar lessons, then
it was soccer camp --
GREG
This is different.
MR. SESTERO
It’s time to grow up --
MRS. SESTERO
Your father’s just -- your father
and I - feel like it’s time perhaps
to focus on other things. Practical
things. A career...
GREG
Why can’t acting be my career?
Mr. Sestero loudly drops his fork on the plate. Exasperated.
MRS. SESTERO
Do you know how hard that is?
GREG
Of course I do. But... I’m willing
to work --
MR. SESTERO
That’s irrelevant, Greg. You have
to be lucky. You have to be
talented --
This stings him a little. Mrs. Sestero puts her hand on his.
MRS. SESTERO
Mon cherie, we just don’t want you
to be a failure that’s all.
And this is Greg’s home life. Off his face, CUT TO:
A MOVIE SCENE from “Rebel Without a Cause.” JAMES DEAN as Jim
Stark. He’s in the holding cell at the precinct and his
parents have come to bail him out.
JIM BACKUS
“Don’t I buy you every thing you
want?”
JAMES DEAN
“Oh you buy me many things...”
JIM BACKUS
“We give you love and affection
don’t we? Then what is it?!”
REVEAL we are:
15.
INT SAN FRANCISCO REVIVAL THEATRE - NIGHT
Tommy and Greg are watching the movie, both of them rapt.
BACK ON SCREEN, Dean’s Parents continue to argue with one
another, until finally, Dean just can’t take it any more:
JAMES DEAN
(shouting)
“YOU’RE TEARING ME APART!”
Tommy slaps Greg on the arm - you see that?! Greg smiles.
Tommy, enraptured, leans forward in his chair, studying every
inflection and mannerism of Dean’s performance. His idol.
INT DINER - LATER THAT NIGHT
Tommy and Greg are buzzing from the brilliance of the film.
TOMMY
He is emotion! Moment to moment.
Not plastic. From the heart. Words
are secondary. The way he speaks.
Style. He has that signature thing.
GREG
Yeah it’s called being James Dean.
TOMMY
You can be like Dean.
GREG
Me?
TOMMY
My God you are behind the schedule!
Listen to me, young man... you have
the gift, you have the look. Now
you watch the Dean. Watch him. Very
close. And you learn.
Greg takes that in.
GREG
You really believe that?
TOMMY
Yes. I believe in you.
The two of them eat for a few beats.
GREG
I believe in you too, Tommy. If I
can have a career in this business,
so can you --
TOMMY
I don’t want career.
16.
GREG
Oh. I thought --
TOMMY
I want my own planet.
GREG
“Your own planet?”
TOMMY
Call it Tommy’s planet. Big lights,
big stores, big events...
spectacular.
Again, Greg wants to laugh at this but he can’t. Tommy’s
enthusiasm - his unbridled confidence - is overpowering.
TOMMY
And you can live there too if you
want. I let you stay for a while.
GREG
Thanks.
Greg laughs at this. Tommy smiles. Holds Greg’s gaze a beat.
TOMMY
Here. I have present.
Tommy takes something out of his pocket. It’s a PEN with the
Street Fashions USA label. Tommy hands it to Greg with great
drama and meaning.
Greg takes it. He looks at the other side of the label and on
it is the picture of an ORB. Written beneath the orb,
“Tommy’s Planet.” On Greg’s bewildered face, CUT TO:
EXT DINER - LATER
Greg and Tommy exit, back to talking about Dean and the film.
GREG
... three movies and just like that
he’s dead. What a tragedy.
Tommy nods in agreement.
GREG
I want to go one day. To the crash
site. Pay my respects --
TOMMY
So let’s do it.
GREG
What, now? It’s like hundreds of
miles from here...
Tommy throws him his keys.
17.
TOMMY
You drive.
And just like that, Greg and Tommy are taking a road trip.
INT TOMMY’S CAR - LATER
Greg drives. Tommy is sound asleep. He looks in the GLOVE BOX
searching for some music. All Tommy has is Richard Marx and
Van Halen. Greg takes a moment to appreciate how unique that
is. Smiles to himself.
EXT HIGHWAY 46 - LATER
The car is parked by the side of the road. Its headlights are
on, illuminating the spot where James Dean died.
TOMMY
I will miss him. Very much.
Greg nods. In the moment.
TOMMY
All his life he hears you’re not
good enough, you’ll never make it,
you’re a fool to believe - but
James Dean ignores this. He doesn’t
listen to negative, he does his own
thing, and he shows them all.
(beat)
That will be us, Greg.
Greg laughs. Then sees Tommy is serious.
TOMMY
We will show them all. You’ll see.
He becomes serious too.
TOMMY
Gimme your pinky.
GREG
What?
TOMMY
Pinky swear...
Tommy holds out his PINKY.
TOMMY
Right here, right now. We make a
pact. To push each other. Believe
in each other. To never lose sight
of our dream.
Greg nods, he’s fired up. He locks his pinky with Tommy’s.
It’s a deal. CUT TO:
18.
INT TOMMY’S CAR - LATER
Tommy drives, now wide awake from his 3rd or 4th RED BULL.
TOMMY
... when I was little kid in
France. I have this friend... he do
tricky stuff. One night he takes a
wrong turn and the car... flip over
many times. We were very lucky to
survive. Very lucky.
GREG
So you’re French?
TOMMY
Hmm?
GREG
You were born in France, then. Not
New Orleans?
TOMMY
Babyface is so nosy.
GREG
Babyface?
TOMMY
That’s you. You’re Babyface.
Greg doesn’t love his new nickname but keeps that to himself.
GREG
You don’t have to tell me if you
don’t want to...
TOMMY
No, I tell you. But only you, ok?
Greg nods. A beat. This is clearly difficult for Tommy.
TOMMY
I was not born in New Orleans. Or
France. It was somewhere... East of
there. A terrible place. Everything
about it, the people, the smell.
(shakes off the memory)
The one good thing is the cinema. I
see many movies. Bambi. Pinnochio.
The Many Dalmations. And I fall in
love. Not just with the movies, but
also... America. I read all about
it, try to learn language. My
friends call me “Johnny
Amerikanski!” And soon... I escape.
19.
GREG
Escape? You mean, to France? Or to
New Orleans? And how’d you end up
in San Francisco?
A beat.
TOMMY
That’s enough for one day.
Tommy turns up the music. “Right Here Waiting” by Richard
Marx. The message is clear - conversation over. Greg closes
his eyes and we CUT TO:
LATER. Greg starts to stir in the passenger’s seat. Tommy is
on his cell phone and Greg hears the final bits of the convo:
TOMMY
(into phone)
I miss you too. Yes. See you soon.
And Tommy hangs up. Greg rubs his eyes.
GREG
Girlfriend?
TOMMY
Jesus. God. You never stop!
GREG
Ok ok. Sorry...
After a beat:
TOMMY
So I was thinking... you should go
to LA.
GREG
Yeah I wish.
TOMMY
Why wish? Just go.
GREG
Are you crazy?
(shoots him a look)
I can’t just move to LA.
TOMMY
Why not?
GREG
I can’t afford it. I don’t know
anyone who lives there. Fuck, I’ve
never even been on my own before.
It’s not that easy, man...
20.
TOMMY
Of course it is. Just stay at my
place.
GREG
Wait, what? You have a place in LA?
TOMMY
I have apartment there I rarely
use. You can stay if you want. I
don’t force you.
GREG
Seriously? How much?
Tommy waves him off. Rent free. Greg can’t believe it.
TOMMY
I have business next week. You
want, we go together.
GREG
Tommy, for real? You’re not messing
with me?
MRS. SESTERO (OVERLAP)
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
INT SESTERO KITCHEN - ANOTHER DAY
Greg’s Mother in the kitchen, laying down the law.
MRS. SESTERO
You can’t just pack up and move to
LA. It’s absurd.
GREG
This is exactly what I’m talking
about. This negative energy. I
can’t be around it --
MRS. SESTERO
Negative -- who put these ideas in
your head?
GREG
What, nobody --
MRS. SESTERO
What are you gonna do for money,
hmm?
GREG
I have money saved from the
modeling jobs.
21.
MRS. SESTERO
And this “Tommy” person... You
barely know this man and you’re
moving in together.
GREG
We’re not moving into together. I’m
just gonna stay at his place for a
while.
Mrs. Sestero lets out a long sigh. Greg grabs her shoulders.
GREG
Look, I know it’s a long shot and I
know it’s crazy but I also know if
I never try, I’m gonna always
regret it. And I don’t think I can
live with that...
Mrs. Sestero sighs. Knows there’s no point in arguing.
EXT SESTERO HOUSE - ANOTHER DAY
Tommy pulls up with the top down. Greg emerges from the house
with his SUITCASE.
SUPER: August 31, 1998
Greg turns to see his father in the window, arms crossed,
furious. An unspoken beat - and Mr. Sestero walks away, out
of sight. Greg makes his way towards Tommy.
Right behind him comes his Mother.
MRS. SESTERO
And you must be Tommy...
TOMMY
Hello.
She holds his gaze a beat.
MRS. SESTERO
I need to ask you something Tommy
because I’m looking at your eyes
and they’re completely red. Are you
on drugs?
TOMMY
Drugs? Ha ha ha.
Tommy looks at Greg. Why is she looking at me like that?
MRS. SESTERO
Perhaps you can tell me why you
wish to help my son?
22.
TOMMY
Babyface is cool guy. Why, what is
problem?
MRS. SESTERO
(to Greg)
Babyface??
Greg shakes his head. Wishing Tommy didn’t say that. Mrs.
Sestero turns back to Tommy.
MRS. SESTERO
One more thing, Tommy, and this is
important.
(beat)
No sex. Do you hear me?
GREG
Mom, Jesus!
MRS. SESTERO
Are we clear, Tommy?
A beat. And then a smile comes over Tommy’s face.
TOMMY
Well, we all do...
And even Greg isn’t sure what that means. A long “What the
Fuck?” beat. Until:
GREG
We gotta go, Mom.
Greg kisses his Mom on the cheek, tears already forming in
her eyes. He throws his bag in the back. Hops in the car.
MRS. SESTERO
Be safe, Mon Cher.
Tommy puts the car into gear, perhaps forgetting he’s in a
convertible, he says to Greg:
TOMMY
My god, she’s crazy!
Greg takes one last look back at the window where his father
was and isn’t anymore. He’s hoping he’s doing the right thing
and truly believes that he is. Time will tell. And we CUT TO:
EXT 405 HIGHWAY - LATER
A bird’s eye view of the car driving South.
INT TOMMY’S CAR - SAME
The guys in mid-conversation.
23.
TOMMY
... not just vampire movie. All
time greatest vampire movie. I call
it “Vampire From Alcatraz: King of
Vampires.”
GREG
Wow.
TOMMY
You would see this movie?
GREG
Fuck yeah I would.
TOMMY
Of course you would. It would be
unforgettable movie. Based on
truth.
GREG
What do you mean “truth?”
Greg looks at Tommy, unsure if he’s serious. Tommy smiles.
Greg shakes his head - what a joker. Tommy points.
TOMMY
See, we’re almost there.
Greg looks out the window. Los Angeles is getting closer. His
excitement builds. CUT TO:
EXT SUNSET BOULEVARD - LATER
Dusk: when the palm trees fade and the bright lights turn on.
The neon bounces off the Stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Sunset is teeming with fast cars and hot girls.
Greg hangs out the window, soaking it all in.
GREG
It’s even more beautiful than I
remember...
INT TOMMY'S CAR - SAME
Driving through Hollywood.
TOMMY
It’s not castle but I think you
will like my place.
GREG
Oh, I know I will.
24.
TOMMY
Coming to LA is not easy, my
friend. But you take your time, you
are only 16 now -
GREG
16? Yeah, no, I'm almost 21 --
TOMMY
Eh, it’s all the same.
Greg isn’t sure what that means. They pass Graumin’s Chinese
Theatre where a PREMIERE is taking place. The red carpet,
flashbulbs popping. Both men inches from their dream.
EXT FOUNTAIN AND SUNSET - HOLLYWOOD, CA - LATER
Tommy drives slowly down the street, talking to himself.
TOMMY
Is it this one? Wait, no, it must
be... I think this is wrong street.
Tommy takes a left. They continue driving, looking for the
place. Greg finds it very strange that Tommy can’t find his
own apartment. He keeps that to himself.
TOMMY
Ah yes. Here it is!
They pull into the entrance to apartment complex.
TOMMY
If anyone ask you are my cousin.
GREG
(beat)
Why?
INT TOMMY'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
A nice one bedroom apartment. Barely any furniture. The only
decoration a Doors poster. Tommy picks up a large pile of
mail, tosses it aside. Clearly hasn't been here in a while.
TOMMY
So what do you think?
Despite the lack of personality and furniture, Greg is
pleasantly surprised. Tommy goes to the bathroom and turns on
the shower.
TOMMY
I need to shower and rest. Then I
be out of your hair. Young man
needs his space, I know.
25.
With that, Tommy closes the door. Greg wanders out to the
balcony. From there he can see the lights on Sunset. He
smiles. Yeah he could get used to this. As he’s savoring the
moment, from the bathroom, he can hear:
TOMMY (O.S.)
(singing)
"A whole new world... a new
fantastic point of view..."
LATER. Greg's on an air mattress in the living room, starting
to drift off. Tommy pokes his head out of the bedroom.
TOMMY
You need anything? Sleeping
process?
GREG
(groggy)
What?
TOMMY
Are you ok?
Tommy just stands there a beat. Greg isn’t sure why.
GREG
I'm good. Really. Thanks, Tommy.
Tommy nods, closes the door. But now Greg is awake. He hears
Tommy climb into bed. And then he hears this:
TOMMY
Somebody's chicken... Cheep. Cheep
cheep. Cheep cheep.
Greg, unsure the meaning, decides to ignore this. He turns
over to go to sleep.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - THE NEXT MORNING
Greg awakens. The bedroom door is open and it seems like
Tommy’s been gone a long time. Greg picks up an old copy of
Hollywood Reporter. He blows dust off the cover, opens it,
and we CUT TO:
SERIES OF SHOTS - Those First Days in LA.
- Greg buys a used Chevy Lumina from a dealer.
- Greg drives down the stunning tree lined streets of Beverly
Hills. Expensive-looking cars in expensive-looking driveways
of even more expensive-looking homes. Smiling wide.
- He drops his head shot off at the William Morris Agency.
- He does the same at Brillstein-Grey Management.
- He does the same at CAA. He never gets past the front desk
but his enthusiasm never wavers.
26.
- Greg eats a burrito in Baja Fresh. At the next table,
another ASPIRING ACTOR is circling the trades. Greg observes,
makes a mental note of this.
- At another company Greg is trying to give a headshot to the
Receptionist when an AGENT (40s, very tan and wearing a
colorful tie) bounds out of his office. Eyes him up and down.
AGENT
Do you play tennis?
GREG
Are you kidding?! I love tennis!
The Agent feels Greg’s bicep. Greg thinks this is all part of
the process.
- Back at Baja Fresh, Greg is circling the trades. Addresses,
open casting calls, etc. Still determined. Not discouraged.
At another table sits a PRETTY GIRL. Their eyes meet.
- Greg is having sex with the Pretty Girl when the house
phone rings. He doesn’t stop.
PRETTY GIRL
You need to get that?
(he doesn’t)
What if it’s one of those agencies?
Greg hadn’t thought about that. He quickly rolls off the
woman and answers.
EXT / INT BEVERLY HILLS HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Greg arrives at one of those fancy driveways. As he walks
towards the door, a FAMOUS 90s ACTOR is walking out. They
pass each other, Greg remaining cool as a cucumber. He sees
the sign on the door as if it was ever possible he was at the
wrong place: "THE IRIS BURTON AGENCY."
INT IRIS BURTON AGENCY - LATER
Greg sits across from CHRIS (30, executive assistant). Chris
is studying Greg’s headshots. As he does, Greg’s eyes look at
the client photos on the walls: Jerry O'Connell, Hillary
Duff, Josh Hartnett. He’s sufficiently impressed.
CHRIS
These are great, actually.
Greg wasn’t expecting that. His eyes light up.
CHRIS
Do you have any tape?
And he deflates.
27.
CHRIS
It’s ok. Not everyone does in the
beginning.
Greg smiles, relieved. Chris hits the intercom button.
CHRIS
Can you have Iris come back here a
moment?
Greg is over the moon. They wait a beat. And then she's
there, IRIS BURTON (60s, legit). She looks at Greg, eyeing
him up and down, silently judging.
IRIS
(beat)
Miramax would fellate this guy.
CHRIS
And Paramount too.
IRIS
He’s adorable.
Greg can’t believe how well this is going.
IRIS
You’re not meeting with anyone
else, are you?
(before he can answer)
Don’t. You’re all mine.
With one last intense look at Greg, Iris Burton marches out.
Greg looks from her back to Chris. And Chris just says:
CHRIS
Welcome to the Iris Burton agency.
EXT IRIS BURTON'S MANSION - MOMENTS LATER
Greg emerges and pumps his fist. This is awesome! We hear:
GREG (O.S.)
You did this, man. This is all
because of you.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - LATER
Greg is on the phone with Tommy, back in San Francisco.
TOMMY (O.S.)
Well...
GREG
No it’s true. Before we met I
was... I was not the kind of person
who just did things.
(MORE)
28.
You inspire me. You’re the only
reason I’m here dude. So thank you.
INTERCUT w/ Tommy in his apartment.
TOMMY
You are most welcome.
(beat)
So what is it movie? Play?
GREG
It’s a TV show. Something called
“Roswell.”
TOMMY (O.S.)
Ok. Fax me the script.
GREG
What?
TOMMY (O.S.)
Let's run the lines. I help you
with audition.
GREG
Uh... ok.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - LATER
Greg paces as he reads his lines into the phone.
GREG
"I'm not from around here, Liz."
TOMMY (O.S.)
"You're an alien?”
GREG (O.S.)
"I prefer the term ‘not of this
earth.”
INT GUERRERO STREET APARTMENT - SAME
Tommy sits on the couch, rehearsing with Greg.
TOMMY
I must stop you now.
INTERCUT w/ Greg in Los Angeles.
GREG
Was it that bad?
TOMMY
Not bad. But maybe better if I play
Max and you play Liz.
GREG (CONT'D)
29.
GREG
But... I'm auditioning for Max -
TOMMY
I like this Max. I understand him.
We need to swap. Ok, so...
(beat, in character)
“I not from around here, Leez.”
Greg shrugs, may as well go with it.
GREG (AS LIZ)
“You’re an alien?”
INT AUDITION ROOM - DAY
Greg stands before VARIOUS CASTING PEOPLE having just
finished his audition. He waits for their response.
CASTING PERSON
Thanks. We’ll call you.
GREG
Really?! So I got the part?
The Casting People look at one another.
CASTING PERSON
That’s... not exactly how this
works.
ANOTHER AUDITION. This time, the SECOND CASTING PERSON at
least walks him to the door.
SECOND CASTING PERSON
Iris always did have a great eye.
Keep at it. Your look is fantastic.
Greg hears this and feels great. Back in the hallway he
notices it's LINED WITH GUYS WHO ALL HAVE THAT SAME GREAT
LOOK. Greg is puzzled by this.
INT AUDITION ROOM - ANOTHER DAY
Greg stands before the usual assortment of CASTING PEOPLE.
GREG
"If he wakes in the next hour, he
should recover. If he doesn't..."
CASTING DIRECTOR
(interrupting)
Thanks. We’ll call you.
And Greg is bummed. He thought that was going well. CUT TO:
30.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - LATER
Greg arrives home to find the answering machine light
blinking. There's a glimmer of hope as he presses the button.
AUTOMATED VOICE
You have 4 new messages...
Greg perks up. Maybe it's good news? First message:
TOMMY'S VOICE
Hey, yo! How's audition? Big
encounter? Know what I mean? Haha!
Greg smiles. Deletes the message. Then we hear the next one:
TOMMY'S VOICE
Why do you have so many rings on
the phone? It should only ring 3
times before message. Change this
shit, dammit. No one likes the
Mickey Mouse stuff.
Greg frowns, then deletes the message. Next message:
TOMMY'S VOICE
Enjoy yourself. Life is beautiful.
La la la. By the way, this girl
Linda call me. You don't know her.
Greg has no idea what that’s about. He deletes it. Lastly:
TOMMY'S VOICE
(singing Richard Marx)
"Hold on to the nights... Hold on
to the memories..."
Greg deletes it. Sighs deeply, then sits, dials the phone.
Tommy answers on the other end.
TOMMY (O.S.)
I'm listening.
GREG
Hey Tommy. I see you called a
couple times. Everything ok?
INTERCUT W/ INT GUERRERO STREET APARTMENT - SAME
TOMMY
So I watch this show. The Bridges -
GREG
(trying to decipher)
Nash Bridges?
31.
TOMMY
They do arresting with these guys,
sissy guys, with the handcuff. You
know what I mean?
Greg has no idea.
TOMMY
Sexuality! You don't know this
stuff? Maybe you learn in 5 years.
You put on the handcuffs and crazy
stuff happen. I rest my case.
Greg is confused.
GREG
So... is that why you called?
TOMMY
I think maybe I take some more
classes. Try the Shakespeare, the
voice class. Why not!
GREG
Sure, yeah... Listen, I, uh, I’d
rather not tie up the line, you
know, in case --
TOMMY
2 more minutes! Please.
Greg hears the desperation in his voice.
GREG
Of course, yeah --
TOMMY
Let me ask you one thing: I get a
little bit fat. Can you help me?
Greg takes a beat, tries to make sense of that...
GREG
Um... I don’t know. Buy a
Stairmaster?
TOMMY
Stairmaster. Ok.
No one speaks for a few beats.
GREG
Tommy, I really should --
TOMMY
I found new restaurant in the
Mission Street. Such good crepes,
my God!
32.
INT BAJA FRESH - LATER
Greg studies his lines as he wolfs down a burrito.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - NOT LONG AFTER
Greg returns with food. The answering machine light blinks.
ANSWERING MACHINE
You have 2 new messages...
Greg presses the button, this time knowing they’ll both be
Tommy. The 1st message begins with the sound of SOMETHING
RHYTHMIC & REPETITIVE, then HEAVY BREATHING.
TOMMY (VOICE MESSAGE)
You’re so right about Stairmaster.
I'm sweating like hell! Jesus.
Greg looks at his watch. How did Tommy get a Stairmaster so
quickly?! He deletes the message. Assumes the 2nd will be
more of the same. But instead:
IRIS BURTON (VOICE MESSAGE)
Honey, it's me.
(beat)
I hope you’ve got that passport
handy cause you are going to
Romania! You booked the lead in
Puppet Master 2!
And Greg can't believe it! Holy shit! CUT TO:
EXT BUCHAREST, ROMANIA - WEEKS LATER - ESTABLISHING
A FILM CREW is set up to shoot inside an ornate-looking
ROMANIAN CASTLE. It's not a big budget production but it's
clearly a professional operation.
INT CASTLE - SAME
A CAMERA tracks down a DOLLY, led by a CINEMATOGRAPHER and
his CREW of OPERATORS. The DIRECTOR sits next to the SCRIPT
SUPERVISOR watching the scene unfold on a monitor. It’s quiet
on the set with filming in progress. And what they’re
watching is this:
Greg Sestero, dressed in a 19th century robe with his hair
dyed blonde, stands over several extras (”dead bodies.”) It’s
all very serious and Greg is giving it his all.
GREG (AS TOULON)
“Vengeance may not be the most
noble reason for living. But for
now... it is all I have.”
Greg touches the “dead body” on the head.
33.
DIRECTOR
And... CUT.
(calling out)
Check the gate.
CREW MEMBERS
Checking the gate.
The CREW MEMBERS begin to buzz about.
CREW MEMBERS
And we’re MOVING ON.
This is Greg’s cue to take a breather. On his walk by to his
small trailer he is approached by a Production Assistant.
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
Telephone call.
GREG
(surprised)
For me?
The PA shrugs. Greg follows her to a bank of phones near the
Production Office.
GREG
(answering the phone)
Hello?
TOMMY (O.S.)
Is this famous movie star Greg
Sestero?
(I/C with Tommy, on a large car phone, driving around SF.)
GREG
(amazed)
Tommy?
TOMMY
I call to say it’s Merry Christmas.
GREG
Wow, yeah you too. How did you get
this number --
TOMMY
So tell me about movie shoot. Is
good? Is all you hoped for?
GREG
Oh man, it’s incredible. Every day
I have to pinch myself - a real
movie! With wardrobe and lights and
cameras. My name will be on a movie
poster! In theaters! Can you
believe it?
34.
TOMMY
And it’s only the beginning!
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
(interrupting)
They want to see you back in makeup,
Greg.
GREG
Hey I gotta go...
TOMMY
OK big shot, I understand. Enjoy
holiday. And don’t forget Tommy.
GREG
(laughs)
How could I ever?
They hang up. Greg is genuinely touched. He really does owe a
lot of this to Tommy. As he thinks about that, we hear the
sound of an AIRPLANE landing and we CUT TO:
EXT LAX - DAY
Greg emerges from the TERMINAL in sunglasses and a baseball
cap, his DUFFEL slung over his shoulder. To his surprise,
Tommy is there to greet him.
TOMMY
Look at this guy!
They hug, warmly. CUT TO:
EXT/INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - LATER
Greg takes out his keys and opens the door. Tommy follows him
inside. Immediately, Greg sees the place not as he left it.
In the DEN, a BLACK VELVET CURTAIN has walled off part of the
room and an AIR MATTRESS sits on the floor by the wall.
In the KITCHEN, all of the CUPBOARDS are open. A mountain of
DIRTY DISHES line the sink.
This is not good. Greg turns to Tommy.
GREG
Tommy? Have you been staying here?
TOMMY
What, I didn’t tell you?
A beat.
TOMMY
I moved back to LA.
35.
Greg is speechless.
TOMMY
I see you get the agent, join the
SAG, make the movie. I say ‘if this
guy do it, I do it too.’ I push
you, you push me, remember?
GREG
That’s great, totally, I just, uh,
wish you would have said something
so I could find somewhere --
TOMMY
No no you stay.
GREG
Here?
TOMMY
Why not? Plenty of room. We can run
lines, learn from each other...
Like the Bosom Buddies.
GREG
I’ve never had a roommate before.
TOMMY
Oh it’s the best. You’ll love it.
Greg thinks about it. He smiles. Why not?
TOMMY
And of course, you tell me if
you’re doing sex and I’ll stay
away.
INT IRIS BURTON’S OFFICE - DAY
Greg sits on the couch across from Chris and his ASSISTANT.
CHRIS
There’s a new Scream movie I can
send you in for. Couple of pilots.
(to his Assistant)
Is he too tall to play a Hobbit?
CHRIS’S ASSISTANT
I don’t think so.
CHRIS
Maybe there’s a big Hobbit or
something.
GREG
Great, um, is... Iris around or --
Chris and his assistant make eye contact.
36.
CHRIS
Iris is very busy but she asked me
to please say hello.
Greg isn’t sure what to make of that.
CHRIS
So how’d the tape come out?
GREG
Tape?
CHRIS
I got the post-supervisor to cut
you a little demo reel. You didn’t
get it yet?
(he didn’t)
It’s probably waiting at home for
you as we speak.
Off Greg’s look, CUT TO:
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - LATER
Sure enough, Greg walks in to find Tommy watching Greg’s
performance from “Retro Puppet Master.” He is enthralled.
GREG
Dude!
TOMMY
Shh shh. I love this beginning
part. Very powerful.
It’s a scene where Greg (as Toulon) slowly walks up a big
flight of stairs lined with white candles. (It’s terrible.)
GREG
Please don’t open my mail, Tommy.
TOMMY
My god. You’re so sensitive.
Greg sighs, sits down on the couch next to Tommy. They watch
the REEL for a few beats. Greg is mortified by what he sees.
TOMMY
I watch it twelve times so far. Is
good. But why you have this stupid
accent?
GREG
The character is French --
TOMMY
Forget this stupid French. Also
your hair is donut. But overall you
do nice job.
37.
Greg watches for a few more horrified seconds. Then he
stands, can’t take much more...
GREG
I can’t watch this...
TOMMY
Why not? Is great. You are very
talented, young man.
GREG
Really? You really think so?
Tommy puts his hands out. Of course. And Greg immediately
feels better about himself as only Tommy can do for him.
A beat later, Tommy’s eyes light up. An idea.
GREG
What?
EXT LAS PALMAS CLUB - NIGHT
Velvet rope holds a line down the block. Tommy and Greg near
the front. Tommy wears sunglasses, cargo pants filled to
capacity, clunky boots, and not one but two belts. There’s no
way they’re getting past the BOUNCER.
GREG
Maybe we should try somewhere else.
TOMMY
This is best club? We go here.
The Bouncer lets TWO GIRLS in, not even looking at Tommy and
Greg. Tommy decides, he’s had enough.
TOMMY
(to BOUNCER)
Excuse me I am on the list.
BOUNCER
(yeah right)
Name?
A beat.
TOMMY
Ron?
BOUNCER
(checks the list)
Yeah, no Ron here.
TOMMY
(laughs)
Oh I remember now. It's Robert.
38.
BOUNCER
No Robert here either. Get back in
the line.
This time the Bouncer didn't even check. Greg is embarrassed,
wants to leave. Tommy, unfazed, takes out a few $100 bills
from his overstuffed pockets. Hands them to the Bouncer.
TOMMY
Excuse me, young man. Do I look
like someone who waits in a line?
The Bouncer makes a decision. CUT TO:
INT LAS PALMAS CLUB - MOMENTS LATER
Greg drinks vodka while Tommy sips hot water. They enjoy the
view from a table adjacent to the dance-floor.
TOMMY
... human behavior applies to all
of us. It exists within ourselves.
Greg is trying to pay attention but he's distracted by the
group of BEAUTIFUL WOMEN standing near their table.
TOMMY
(notices as well)
You like what you see? I invite
them to join us.
GREG
No no no...
TOMMY
What? They should be so lucky.
(stands, yells)
Girls!
They turn and look at Tommy, extremely wary.
TOMMY
Yes, excuse us. I am Tommy, this is
Greg. We’re in movies business. I
tell you right away if you want
money for sex or husband to take
care of you this will not happen,
also there will be no kissing
stuff... but if you want handsome
company, good talking and a few
drinks then you are welcome to come
sit at our table.
The women look at each other.
39.
EXT LAS PALMAS CLUB - LATER
Tommy and Greg hug the Women goodbye. Two of them kiss Tommy
chastely on the cheek. Another gives Greg her phone number.
Tommy’s Merdeces pulls up and the guys hop in.
EXT SUNSET BOULEVARD - LATER
Driving home, exhilarated by a fun night. Tommy sees the
smile on Greg’s face.
TOMMY
You had fun in there?
GREG
I gotta learn never to doubt you.
Tommy shrugs. Greg shakes his head, amazed.
GREG (CONT’D)
So what’s next?!
INT TWENTY/20 NIGHTCLUB - LATER
The dancefloor is teeming with wannabe STARLETS grooving to
the music. Tommy and Greg in a booth off to the side.
TOMMY
Tell me everything.
GREG
What do you mean?
TOMMY
The acting business. How to become
big star like you. I want to learn.
GREG
(laughs)
Big star?
TOMMY
Don’t worry. I’m not your
competition.
GREG
Well, ok, so, here’s what I know...
First:
CUT TO:
INT PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO - DAY
High end. Fashionable. Expensive. And here’s Tommy posing for
the CAMERA, his shirt unbuttoned, his lips puckered, his hair
blowing in the breeze.
40.
GREG (V.O.)
You’re gonna need some headshots.
Good ones. With lots of poses to
show your range.
TOMMY
I need more wind machine.
CUT TO:
EXT STREET - ANOTHER DAY
Tommy looking through the ridiculous HEADSHOTS. In one, his
shirt is unbuttoned, showing his bare chest, his hair is
pinned back. He looks like a SCARY WOMAN.
In another, Tommy’s hair is free-flowing and he’s making a
come hither look at the camera. Blue steel.
Tommy seems pleased.
BACK TO:
INT TWENTY/20 NIGHTCLUB
GREG
Of course you’re gonna need an
agent. That’s the hardest thing.
TOMMY
But you have one.
GREG
Yeah.
TOMMY
So you’ll tell him about me.
GREG
(beat)
Sure.
INT TOMMY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Tommy is scouring “Backstage” magazine, circling open casting
calls he might be right for.
GREG (V.O.)
There’s something called
“Backstage” magazine. That’s where
you’ll hear about auditions.
CUT TO:
41.
INT CASTING OFFICE - HALLWAY - DAY
Tommy waits to be called. When he finally is, he passes the
CASTING ASSISTANT on his way in the room. We need only see
the Assistant’s face to know he isn’t getting this part.
GREG (V.O.)
The people there can seem really
nice but, I don’t know...
BACK TO:
INT TWENTY/20 NIGHTCLUB
GREG
... sometimes I don’t trust them.
They say they’ll call and then they
don’t. It’s fucked up.
CUT TO:
INT LOW-RENT ACTING SCHOOL - STUDIO CITY - DAY
Tommy on a stage similar to Jean’s in San Francisco.
GREG (V.O.)
You should get into an acting
class. There’s plenty of good
ones...
There’s barely anyone here and the TEACHER isn’t listening.
BACK TO:
INT TWENTY/20 NIGHTCLUB
GREG
And eventually you book enough gigs
to get your SAG card.
TOMMY
SAG card. What is the SAG?
GREG
It’s the Actor’s Union.
TOMMY
How do I get into Union?
GREG
I got in cause of the movie but you
can get in through a TV show,
commercials...
TOMMY
And once I have my SAG card, I am
true actor?
42.
GREG
Yup. After that, you’re off to the
races.
Tommy nods. He can do this. The WAITRESS comes by with
drinks.
WAITRESS
Vodka soda. And two hot waters...
TOMMY
I’ll be right back. I need to dance
to this song.
Tommy stands and heads to the dance floor. Both Greg and the
Waitress watch as Tommy dances alone.
WAITRESS
Interesting friend you got there.
GREG
Tommy? Yeah. He’s one of a kind.
The Waitress takes a beat.
WAITRESS
Hey do I know you from somewhere?
GREG
I... Wow. Really.
(down-playing)
Yeah I mean... I’m an actor. I was
in a film, hasn’t come out yet --
WAITRESS
You’re always at that Baja Fresh
off of Hayworth.
GREG
Yes! That place is delicious.
WAITRESS
I’ve seen you there.
Greg looks at her a beat. She’s really pretty.
GREG
Next time, you should come say
hello.
WAITRESS
Or you could just call me.
ANGLE ON Tommy, dancing his heart out. He sees the Waitress
lean over and give Greg her phone number. This bothers him
for some reason. And on his face, CUT TO:
MRS. SESTERO (OVERLAP)
What about your movie? Is that ever
coming out?
43.
EXT STRIP MALL - DAY
Greg at an ATM, on the cell phone with his Mother.
GREG
I don’t know, Mom. It’s... it’s not
really up to me...
He looks at his balance on the ATM. Not a pretty sight.
GREG
Listen, I gotta run. I’ll call you
later, ok?
Greg hangs up. Feeling even worse now. He walks back to his
car. On the way, he passes a LIMITED store with a sign in the
window - “Now Hiring.” He thinks about it. Isn’t ready. Keeps
walking.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - ANOTHER DAY
Greg comes in to find Tommy on the couch.
TOMMY
I have amazing news.
(beat)
I’m in the SAG!
This makes no sense.
GREG
What?
CUT TO: a faux COMMERCIAL Tommy has apparently shot himself.
He stands on on a staircase, dressed in Shakespearean garb
and holding a CANDELABRA filled with lit candles. Classical
music plays in the background. He looks directly at the
CAMERA.
TOMMY (ON TV)
“To be or not to be. That is
question...”
All of this bears a striking resemblance to Greg’s scene from
“Retro Puppet Master.”
TOMMY (ON TV)
“... at Street Fashions USA.”
REVEAL Tommy and Greg watching this from the couch.
GREG
You made this yourself?
TOMMY
(ignoring him)
How is my voice? What age you
think? Does it compare to yours?
44.
GREG
It’s... really interesting. Really
well done.
TOMMY
These people don’t want to give me
chance so you know what... I
challenge them. I send this tape to
every agency in town.
GREG
No you didn’t.
TOMMY
Of course I did! I say ‘you have
the guts to take me, Mr. William
Morris?” Mr. CAA?’
GREG
Holy shit dude.
TOMMY
What, you think I afraid of these
people? I don’t do things the
regular way. I’m Tommy Wiseau.
GREG
My agent hasn’t called me in
months. I’m starting to think she
forgot about me.
Tommy sits down next to Greg.
TOMMY
I come to this country - I have
nothing. No one want me, no one
hire me. I take job selling yo-yos
and toy birds on the Promenade.
They call me “the Birdman.” Oiseau.
I good salesman. I work hard.
Pretty soon I have money. Then more
money. And now look at me?
Greg listens, always interested in Tommy’s history.
TOMMY
So you see, young man, there is no
such thing as blind luck. Only we
decide who we want to be.
Greg takes that in. Good advice.
TOMMY
Obviously now we must go and
celebrate. Have you heard of this
place known as “Circus?”
GREG
Oh, uh....
(off his look)
(MORE)
45.
I was gonna call that waitress
tonight.
TOMMY
Waitress.
(beat, shakes his head)
Babyface, why you involved with
such strange people?
GREG
You mean... women?
Greg laughs, dismisses him. He walks off to get dressed.
Tommy watches him go. CUT TO:
INT MEL’S DRIVE IN - NIGHT
Greg and the Waitress, AMBER, on a date.
GREG
Is that weird?
AMBER
It’s a little weird.
Amber eats some fries off Greg’s plate. They’re relaxed
together, clearly hitting it off.
AMBER
You live with the guy, you’ve been
friends a long time, and you don’t
know a single thing about him.
GREG
He’s a very private person.
She shoots him a look like if you say so.
GREG
The truth is, I owe everything to
Tommy. If it wasn’t for him I’d be
living in my parents house, going
to some community college. He’s the
reason I’m here. And if I wasn’t
here, I never would have met you,
would I?
Even Greg knows that was cheesy. She laughs. He laughs with
her. There’s chemistry here. CUT TO:
INT/EXT WILLIAM MORRIS AGENCY - DAY
Tommy is in mid-argument with the RECEPTIONIST.
TOMMY
No, I DO understand, I just DO NOT
accept.
GREG (CONT'D)
46.
RECEPTIONIST
Sir --
TOMMY
What is your name Miss?
RECEPTIONIST
Lisa.
TOMMY
Miss Lisa, I must speak with your
boss --
RECEPTIONIST
Sir, I’m not gonna tell you again.
You have two choices. You can leave
the headshots here and I will give
them to the proper person. Or you
can mail them care of “Talent
Department, William Morris Agency.”
Now choose one and get the hell out
before I have to call security.
A beat.
TOMMY
You are not a nice person, Lisa.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - DAY
Greg is with Amber watching “Roswell.”
GREG
I read for that part.
AMBER
And they gave it to that guy?! The
hell were they thinking?
Enter Tommy in a huff.
TOMMY
Hi Greg!
And seeing Amber, he’s doubly annoyed.
GREG
Hey man! This is Amber I was
telling you about --
TOMMY
I don’t have time for this. I must
change quickly and go.
GREG
Oh, ok. Is everything alright?
TOMMY
You’ve heard of the Stella Adler?
47.
GREG
Yeah of course. That’s Brando’s
teacher, right?
TOMMY
Brando’s teacher - and now Tommy’s
teacher. I have first class this
evening.
AMBER
With Stella Adler...
TOMMY
The one and only.
Beat.
AMBER
Pretty sure Stella Adler is dead.
TOMMY
Impossible. I just speak to her.
AMBER
Stella Adler?
TOMMY
You are nurse so... trust me. I’m
the actor.
Amber thinks about correcting him further - decides not to.
TOMMY
I let you know how it is, Babyface.
Maybe one day you join.
Tommy goes in his room and shuts the door. Amber looks at
Greg. She does love that man.
AMBER
Babyface?
VOICE (OVERLAP)
Whenever you’re ready, Tommy.
INT STELLA ADLER ACADEMY OF ACTING - SAME
Tommy sits cross-legged on a platform wearing a wife beater
and a red bandana. Finally, he turns to the audience.
TOMMY
(singsong)
“Let me NOT to the marriage OF true
MINDS... admit imPEDiments.”
This class is a lot bigger than the one in San Francisco. Its
students more varied in age and ethnicity. But everyone in it
is as puzzled as they were up North.
48.
TOMMY
“Love is not love. Which alters
when it alternation finds.”
ANGLE on the TEACHER (50s, goateed, ponytail poking out of
his fedora). He’s horrified.
TEACHER
Stop.
The Teacher stands. Tommy picks himself up off the ground.
TEACHER
What... exactly... are you doing?
TOMMY
Sonnet. You know sonnet?
TEACHER
Yes Tommy, I know what a sonnet is.
I guess what I’m asking is why on
Earth would you choose to do that
today.
Tommy doesn’t understand the question.
TEACHER
Have you seen yourself? I mean, no
offense brother but look at you.
You’re a scary dude.
Tommy is very offended by this.
TEACHER
Look, I’m just gonna say it cause
the earlier you learn this the
better. You’re never gonna be the
hero who gets the girl, Tommy. But
the villain... now that I can
picture.
Tommy looks like he might cry. He jumps down off the
platform, angry.
TOMMY
I am not villain.
TEACHER
Hey, I’m just trying to help --
He grabs his coat off the chair and storms out of the room.
INT TOMMY’S CAR - LATER
Tommy is nearly in tears when he rounds the corner towards
his place. Through the windows he can see Greg and Amber
having dinner, laughing at something. He frowns. Keeps
driving. CUT TO:
49.
INT SPAGO - DAY
Tommy talks to the HOSTESS.
TOMMY
I don’t need a reservation.
HOSTESS
Sir, I’m sorry. We’re booked solid
tonight. And most nights...
TOMMY
Listen, this is very nice place,
yes. I would hate to have to make
big scene in your hostess area...
And off her look, CUT TO:
LATER. Tommy is eating by himself. Around the room, everyone
else is on a date or in a big group.
And then he recognizes SOMEONE (40s, dark suit, slick). Movie
Producer JASON HAMMER. Tommy puts down his fork, stands and
approaches this table.
TOMMY
Sorry to interrupt but you are the
movie producer Jason Hammer.
HAMMER
(not looking up,
dismissive)
Thank you. Nice to see you.
TOMMY
I am Tommy Wiseau.
Tommy just stands there.
TOMMY
I love Weekend at Bernie’s? Wasn’t
that you? With the dead guy.
HAMMER
We’re kind of in the middle of
something Tommy.
TOMMY
(not taking hint)
I won't give you the bullshit, I
have a lot of talent and many great
ideas. Please...
From one of his pockets he pulls out a headshot. Hammer
resists, now clearly annoyed.
HAMMER
Look pal, this isn't the time or
the place.
50.
TOMMY
So tell me time and place and I
will meet you.
Tommy waves the Headshot Hammer won’t take in his face.
HAMMER
Get that out of my --
Hammer takes the headshot and rips it up.
TOMMY
(explodes)
What in the fuck?!
Other tables notice the commotion. The HOST appears.
HOST
(to Tommy)
I'm sorry for this disturbance, Mr
Hammer. Sir, come with me.
SECURITY has arrived. They grab Tommy.
HAMMER
It's OK, Gary.
(to Tommy, being carted
off)
I'll give you a call if we decide
to remake Swamp Thing.
Laughter from Hammer’s cronies. Tommy is enraged.
TOMMY
(bangs on the table)
You are a swamp thing, I am Tommy
Wiseau!
Tommy knocks a glass over, spilling everywhere as he’s
escorted out of the restaurant. Everyone watches.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - LATER
Tommy comes in to find Greg alone. Greg can immediately see
how depressed Tommy looks.
TOMMY
Where’s your girlfriend?
GREG
She went home for the night. You ok
man? What’s wrong?
A long beat.
TOMMY
Do you think I'm villain?
51.
GREG
What?
Another beat.
TOMMY
This town... I know they don't want
me. They don't understand me. Maybe
I don't have what it takes.
GREG
Hey. Hey, look at me. When they
told James Dean he wasn't good
enough, did he listen to them?
This approach gets Tommy's attention.
GREG
Fuck that, no, he ignored them. And
he showed them all. And that's what
we'll do too, am I right?
TOMMY
Yes but how. Nothing is working.
Nothing we do --
And now Greg is down with him. Cause he’s right.
GREG
It’s hard man. It really is.
They sit in silence a beat.
GREG
Maybe we should make our own movie.
Tommy smiles. Isn’t that a wild idea... But then his face
changes. The wheels turning. CUT TO:
INT THE LIMITED - DAY
Greg rings up a CUSTOMER at the register. He looks good. He’s
grown a beard, filled out a little. In mid-conversation:
CUSTOMER
Oh dude. It’s been such a crazy
year. Just wrapped a Mel Gibson
movie --
GREG
No shit.
CUSTOMER
Yeah and I’m about to shoot this
pilot for HBO. 2nd lead.
GREG
You’re kidding. Wow, that’s... good
for you.
52.
SUPER: May 7, 2001 (Five Months Later)
CUSTOMER
But you’re good?
GREG
Sure, yeah --
CUSTOMER
Still auditioning?
Clearly a sore subject for Greg but he tries not to show it.
GREG
Oh you know... not as much --
CUSTOMER
Hey I get it. It aint easy, man.
Greg nods, finishes ringing him up. We hear the CHIME of
another arriving shopper. Greg looks up and it’s Tommy. Greg
clearly wasn’t expecting him.
TOMMY
(sing-song)
I have something for YOUUU.
INT CANTER’S DELI - LATER
Tommy and Greg in a booth. Tommy throws a SCRIPT on the table
in front of Greg. On the cover page:
INSERT: “The Room” by Tommy Wiseau
GREG
This is what you’ve been doing
every night?
TOMMY
My masterpiece. The greatest drama
since Tennessee Williams.
GREG
That’s awesome, man! What’s it
about?
TOMMY
So it all takes place in one room.
Everybody’s happy, life is perfect.
But then this girl, this beautiful
girl, she betray him. Sleep with
best friend. So Johnny goes crazy.
Decides to kill himself in front of
the world. Then they see. He shows
them all! Haha.
A beat. Greg has no idea what to say.
53.
TOMMY
No one has read it yet. And so
today, you will be first.
Tommy sits back, expecting Greg to read it in front of him.
GREG
Oh you mean now?
TOMMY
You must prepare yourself
physically and emotionally. Make
sure you’re ready.
GREG
But I’m not ready. My boss is
probably wondering --
Tommy sits back again, expectant. Greg knows he’s not going
to win this. He opens it to page 1.
TOMMY
And remember... Is copyrighted.
Greg nods. And he starts to read.
SERIES OF SHOTS as Greg turns the pages. We see FLASHES of
the screenplay:
- “LISA: I am not a slave here, am I?”
- “TOMMY: Old man donkey lets me know today.”
- “LISA’S MOTHER: Get your pretty little buns in here, Lisa.”
Greg is having a tough time making sense of the pages.
TOMMY
I apologize if some of it is over
your head.
Greg reads some more. Finally, he turns the last page. Tommy
looks up at him, his eyes pleading for compliments.
TOMMY
Well...?
A long beat.
GREG
I mean it’s way better than Pupper
Master 2.
TOMMY
It is real life. This human
behavior is funny stuff, no? Human
needs - so strange.
GREG
Yeah.
54.
TOMMY
When people see this movie... they
will be shocked!
GREG
I can see that.
TOMMY
So... what do you say?
GREG
About what?
TOMMY
We’re gonna make this thing.
Greg isn’t sure his meaning.
TOMMY
I have script, I have money --
GREG
You have money?
TOMMY
I have investors. Is no problem. I
have director too. And star --
GREG
Wait a minute, what director? What
star?
TOMMY
Who do you think? Me! I already
tell you this! You don’t listen?
Greg is in shock.
TOMMY
It’s like you say - Hollywood
rejects us, we do it ourselves.
(beat)
And you will play the Mark.
Greg’s eyes go wide.
TOMMY
What do you think, you’re gonna
work at the Limited the rest of
your life? No. No more Limited.
That job is limited. This - is
unlimited. This is future.
Greg hesitates.
GREG
I don’t know Tommy.
TOMMY
I thought this was dream.
55.
GREG
I thought so too but it’s... maybe
I’m not cut out for it.
TOMMY
What are you saying?
GREG
Maybe I’m not good enough.
TOMMY
Of course you are. I write this
part just for you.
GREG
(touched)
You did?
TOMMY
That’s right.
GREG
Wait, the guy who stabs his friend
in the back, steals his girl --
TOMMY
(grabs the script)
You don’t want to do it, fine.
Maybe Johnny Dapp is available...
GREG
You’re serious? You’re really gonna
make this movie.
TOMMY
No, Greg. We’re gonna make this
movie.
(beat)
Together.
AND WE CUT TO:
INT BIRNS & SAWYER PRODUCTION SOUNDSTAGE - DAY
One of Hollywood’s best known rental houses for professional
filmmakers. Equipment, stages, you name it, they lease it.
Sales rep PETER AMWAY leads Tommy and Greg across the studio.
PETER
... every assortment of lenses and
cameras, both digital and film...
Tommy admires the equipment although it’s clear he doesn’t
know what any of it does.
PETER
You’ll notice we have top of the
line Arriflex lights...
56.
Peter waves over BILL MEURER (60s) from his corner office.
PETER
... and here’s the owner of our
facility. Bill Meurer, this is
Tommy and Greg, the guys I was
telling you about.
BILL
(shakes their hands)
Pleasure to meet you and welcome.
How long is your shoot?
TOMMY
However long it takes.
Bill looks to Peter who silently signals “let it go.”
BILL
Terrific!
Peter keeps on smiling.
PETER
Well, like I said, you’ll find
everything you need here at Birns &
Sawyer. Rentals start at -
TOMMY
Not rent. Buy.
Everyone looks at Tommy, confused.
PETER
I’m sorry, you said - ?
TOMMY
I buy equipment. Yes.
BILL
Tommy, that’s... why would you do
that, you don’t have to --
TOMMY
“The Room” is first class
production. No Mickey Mouse stuff.
Bill and Peter exchange a glance.
PETER
Hey, customer’s always right,
right? So, uh, you looking to shoot
35 or HD?
Tommy clearly has no idea what that means.
TOMMY
I shoot both.
Peter and Bill are flabbergasted. Greg tries to be helpful.
57.
GREG
I think he’s asking if you want to
shoot on digital or film.
TOMMY
My ears work. I want to shoot with
both cameras.
BILL
But... you can’t do both.
TOMMY
Why not?
BILL
You would need twice the equipment,
twice the crew... They’re not even
lit the same -- It’s just not done.
TOMMY
So what you’re saying is... I will
be first.
BILL
What I’m saying is... NO ONE. WOULD
EVER. Do it.
TOMMY
Exactly.
(beat)
I am not no one. I am Wiseau.
Bill is about to respond when Peter intervenes.
PETER
Can you gentlemen give us a moment?
Bill and Peter step off to the side. We can’t hear what
they’re saying but they talk animatedly while keeping a keen
eye on Tommy and Greg. After a few more beats, Peter and Bill
return. Their attitude very different.
PETER
So we talked about it. We’ll sell
you all the equipment you need. And
we’ll give you a reduced rate on
everything if you decide to shoot
here.
TOMMY
Good. I like this spot.
Peter looks to Bill. They’re trying to contain themselves.
PETER
Sounds like we have a deal.
58.
INT PRODUCTION OFFICE - LATER
Tommy fidgets, seemingly restless, as Peter introduces
RAPHAEL SMARDJA (French, professional) and SANDY SCHKLAIR
(affably dishevelled, a Selleck mustache and hefty glasses).
PETER
This is Raphael, one of our most
experienced DPs.
Tommy looks at Greg.
GREG
(whispers to Tommy)
Director of Photography.
TOMMY
DP, yes, sure --
PETER
...and Sandy Schklair, script
supervisor on over, how many --
SANDY
32.
PETER
32 shows.
Tommy seems very impatient.
TOMMY
OK, great, everyone hired. I need
to get back to --
RAPHAEL
Wait, shouldn’t we discuss your
vision for the movie first?
SANDY
(fingering the screenplay)
And I certainly have a couple
thoughts about this script --
TOMMY
You leave thinking to me, my
friends. Do your jobs, everyone
wins.
Sandy laughs but then sees Tommy is serious.
SANDY
Oh.
RAPHAEL
Do you have a line producer?
TOMMY
Greg is line producer.
59.
This is news to Greg.
SANDY
Who’s Greg?
Greg raises his hand, a little embarrassed.
GREG
I’m also playing “Mark.”
Raphael and Sandy look at Greg, confused. Suddenly Tommy gets
up and leaves the room. They look at Greg again, now more
confused. Greg just shrugs. Buckle up, gang.
SMASH CUT TO:
INSERT: BACKSTAGE MAGAZINE from May 2001.
QUICK ZOOM: the corner of the very last page. A small
advertisement reads, “OPEN CASTING CALL - MAJOR MOTION
PICTURE. SERIOUS ACTORS ONLY. NO AMATEUR STUFF.”
INT PRODUCTION OFFICE - HALLWAY - DAY
Filled with aspiring actors who, like Greg and Tommy, are
hoping this is the one, the big break.
INT PRODUCTION OFFICE - AUDITION ROOM - DAY
A long plastic table separates Tommy and Greg from the
ASPIRING ACTRESS.
TOMMY
That will be all, thank you.
The Actress smiles politely and walks out the door. Tommy
immediately turns to Greg.
TOMMY
My God. You see that? That is not
Lisa. Lisa is All-American girl.
Very beautiful. Very sexy. Like
Angelica Jolie. Ugh, why is this so
hard?!
Greg opens the door for the next aspirant, JESSIE (20s,
perky, girl next door).
GREG
Jessica Howard.
Jessie comes in, smiling, confident. This is someone who has
been on a lot of auditions. Nothing fazes her.
JESSIE
I’m Jessie.
60.
Not even Tommy who takes a long beat to creepily eye her up
and down. After which he just says:
TOMMY
You may begin.
A beat. Jessie turns to Greg.
JESSIE
Um... are there sides or...?
TOMMY
No one sees script until they
absolutely must.
JESSIE
Ah. Woody Allen-style.
TOMMY
What?
JESSIE
What?
TOMMY
Young lady, this is not cartoon.
This is serious movie. My god.
Jessie looks to Greg for help. Doesn’t get any.
JESSIE
(beat)
Ok, um... can you at least tell me
something about the part?
TOMMY
The part is Lisa.
JESSIE
And is Lisa... good, bad, funny,
sweet, happy, angry --
TOMMY
She is all of these things. She is
Lisa.
Jessie stands there, at a loss. Tommy is getting annoyed.
TOMMY
Your Mom just die!
JESSICA
Excuse me?
TOMMY
It is called acting. I am asking
you to show me emotion!
Jessica looks to Greg again. Nope. Nothing weird here.
61.
TOMMY
Your Mom just die. Go!
On Jessie’s face, pretty stunned, CUT TO:
SERIES OF SHOTS - Different Actresses Trying Out for Lisa
ACTRESS #1
(fake crying)
I miss her so much.
CUT TO:
ACTRESS #2
My mom just died?
TOMMY
NO, Is part of scene. Is acting.
ACTRESS #2
I don’t understand. Is she ok?
TOMMY
What?
ACTRESS #2
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO MY MOM!!?
CUT TO:
TOMMY
You just win lottery! Go!
ACTRESS #2
(beat)
Oh my god, I won! I won!
TOMMY
Now you get parking ticket.
ACTRESS #2
(beat, trying her best)
Dammit, no, not again!
CUT TO:
TOMMY
Your sister is lesbian.
ACTRESS #3
My... what?
LATER. A petite, bubbly, somewhat timid blonde auditions for
Tommy and Greg. This is JULIETTE DANIELLE.
TOMMY
Michelle is best friend of Lisa.
She waits for more instruction but Tommy says nothing.
62.
JULIETTE
So what am I supposed to do?
TOMMY
(like it’s obvious)
Be best friend.
LATER. Greg in the hallway taping something to the wall.
Tommy emerges.
TOMMY
I need you to find me a bed.
GREG
Why? Are you tired?
LATER. Tommy and a YOUNG STARLET lie on a MATTRESS that now
sits in the middle of the audition room. Tommy explains:
TOMMY
Lisa is great love of Johnny’s
life.
MODEL/ACTRESS
And who’s playing Johnny?
TOMMY
I am.
MODEL/ACTRESS
(beat)
Yeah... I don’t think I’ll be able
to work this into my schedule. Nice
meeting you, though.
And she practically runs out of there.
GREG
You think the bed is a little much?
TOMMY
(smiling)
I need to know they can perform.
(beat)
Don’t be jealous. Who’s next?!
INT BAJA FRESH - NIGHT
Amber and Greg sit at the counter.
AMBER
So are you nervous, excited?
GREG
Well we still don’t have a Lisa but
I think we’re ready.
AMBER
It’s pretty exciting.
63.
GREG
Yeah.
Amber puts a WRAPPED GIFT on the table.
GREG (CONT’D)
What’s this?
AMBER
I wanted to get you something to
celebrate your first day.
Greg unwraps the gift to reveal a KEY. He’s confused.
AMBER (CONT’D)
This way you can come and go as you
please.
GREG
I love it. Thank you.
They kiss. A nice moment. And after a beat:
GREG (CONT’D)
Is it cool if we don’t have sex
tonight? You know, big day and all
tomorrow...
INT TOMMY’S CAR - THE NEXT MORNING
Tommy in the Driver’s seat. Greg in the Passenger’s seat. The
car is parked in the alley outside the Studio. They look at
one another. It is time. CUT TO:
EXT BIRNS & SAWYER STUDIO - SAME
In SLO-MO, Tommy and Greg emerge from the car.
SUPER: June 12, 2002
They walk through the alley to the soundstage. They enter:
INT BIRNS & SAWYER SOUNDSTAGE - SAME
Which has been constructed to look exactly like the real
alley outside.
Sandy and Raphael stand by a DOLLY (with two different kinds
of CAMERAS on it). A CREW of Gaffers, Electricians, Prop
people and the like mill about. It’s a real movie set.
Tommy surveys the scene. Claps his hands and yells:
TOMMY
Everyone, gather! Come here!
64.
They do as instructed. We see the whole cast of “The Room”
including: Juliette (as “Michelle”), PHILIP (the actor
playing “Denny”), CAROLYN (the actress playing “Lisa’s Mom”),
DAN (playing ”Chris-R”) SCOTT HOLMES (as “Mike”) and KYLE
VOGT (”Peter”).
TOMMY
Today is our top of the mountain
day. The day we begin the first
steps of a great journey. After
today, who among us will ever be
the same?
Applause all around. Speech is a little over the top but the
cast is excited. They’re making a movie!
TOMMY
A few rules first. Number one
thing...
Tommy points to a curtained-off area at the back of the lot
with a sign that reads “Director Only.”
TOMMY
This is private bathroom. Cost me
many dollars so is only for me. No
one use it.
The gathered group of professionals was not expecting this.
Greg is especially confused.
TOMMY
Second thing. From now on I need
everyone on set at all times.
Actors, crew, this guy here and
you. Even if you not shooting that
day you must be here. This is being
professional. We no different than
big studios, Ok?
They weren’t expecting this either. It’s odd.
TOMMY
Third thing.
(beat)
There isn’t third thing. Enough pet
talk. Let’s make a movie!
The crowd disperses, a bit confused. Greg approaches Tommy.
GREG
You know there’s a bathroom, like,
right over there. With a door and
everything...
TOMMY
(like Greg is crazy)
This is real movie set.
65.
INT ALLEY SET - LATER
Tommy is with Dan (playing the drug dealer ”Chris-R”) and
Philip (playing the man-child ”Denny”), “blocking” the scene.
Sandy stands nearby, watching (quietly judging).
TOMMY
So he play with basketball here.
And then you come in here. Demand
the money.
SANDY
Can I ask a question?
Tommy turns to Sandy. Appalled by this intrusion.
SANDY
If Denny already bought the drugs,
why does Chris-R want the money
now? What kind of drug dealer
doesn’t require up front payment?
Tommy is about to answer when:
PHILIP
Also... can I just call him Chris
instead of Chris-R?
TOMMY
His name is Chris-R. You call him
Chris-R.
PHILIP
Yeah but why?
TOMMY
Cause he is gangster.
Tommy makes to move on but Philip stops him.
PHILIP HALDIMAN
Can I ask one more question... How
old am I supposed to be?
TOMMY
I don’t know. 15, 16...
Philip is quite clearly in mid 20s. But maybe this isn’t the
time to say so...
PHILIP HALDIMAN
Ok, sure...
TOMMY
And don’t be Brando today. You will
hurt yourself.
Philip isn’t sure what that means. Raphael comes over.
66.
RAPHAEL
Picture’s up...
Tommy walks over to the Camera(s). He closes his eyes, takes
a second to appreciate this moment. And then:
RAPHAEL
Roll sound. Roll camera...
A CAMERA ASSISTANT holds up the CLAPPERBOARD.
TOMMY
(beat)
Action!
We see the 1st Take through the CAMERA’S POV.
“CHRIS-R”
“Hey Denny.”
“DENNY”
“Hey Chris-R, I’ve been looking for
you.”
“CHRIS-R”
“Do you have my money?”
“DENNY”
“Your money is coming. It will be
here in a few minutes.”
“CHRIS-R”
(pulls gun, grabs Denny)
“I need my money!”
“DENNY”
“Just give me 5 minutes...”
They wrestle a few moments longer than they need to until:
TOMMY
Cut!
(he approaches them)
I love it!
Greg does a fist bump. So proud.
Everyone else looks at each other like “what the fuck was
that?” Sandy approaches Tommy.
SANDY
Did you want to do another?
TOMMY
Why? That was perfect.
And off his face, we HEAR:
67.
SANDY (OVERLAP)
And that’s a wrap on day one,
everybody!
EXT BIRNS & SAWYER STUDIOS - END OF DAY
Greg approaches Tommy. Puts his arm around him.
TOMMY
You think scene would be more real
if Denny have football?
GREG
What? No, I thought it was great.
Let’s go grab a drink, celebrate.
TOMMY
Tonight, are you crazy? Don’t you
know what tomorrow is?
INT BIRNS AND SAWYER SOUNDSTAGES - NEXT DAY
Tommy sits in the make-up chair being tended to by AMY, the
make-up artist. His face is buried in the script.
TOMMY
“Oh hi, Mark.”
(beat)
“Oh. Hi Mark!”
(beat)
“Oh hi! Mark.”
Tommy is about to make his screen debut and he’s nervous.
GREG
Relax, Tommy. You’re gonna do
great.
Tommy appreciates the encouragement. But more importantly:
TOMMY
How do I look?
Before Greg can answer, Sandy appears, pointing to his watch.
SANDY
Five minutes.
Tommy stands. Looks around the place. Can’t sit still.
TOMMY
Where is wardrobe?
He walks over to the clothing racks. No one seems to know
where the costume designer is.
TOMMY
Do I have to do everything myself?!
68.
Tommy starts grabbing CLOTHES off the rack. Picks a SHIRT and
a SPORTS COAT that neither fit nor match. He tries both on
and likes what he sees.
SAFOYA, the Costume Designer, shows up in the nick of time.
TOMMY
Where have you been?
SAFOYA
I just went to grab ties.
TOMMY
Well now I’m already dressed.
You’re too late.
Tommy looks around for more props. Safoya has no idea what
he’s doing. He grabs some SCRUNCHIES, LOTION BOTTLES, HAIR
GEL, and a wad of fake CASH. He stuffs all of them in his
pants pockets.
SAFOYA
You’re gonna film the scene with
all those things in your pockets?
TOMMY
I keep my stuff sweetie.
He walks off towards the set.
SAFOYA
Can I at least take a picture for
continuity?
TOMMY
Continuity - is in your forehead.
And with that, he’s gone. Safoya turns to Greg.
SAFOYA
What does that mean?
SANDY (OVERLAP)
And... action!
INT ROOFTOP SET - MOMENTS LATER
The crew is set up to film an OUTHOUSE which will double as
the rooftop’s entry point. The door opens and Tommy as
“Johnny” comes out.
“JOHNNY”
“It is not...”
(beat)
Line!
SANDY
“True.” “It’s not true.”
69.
Tommy holds up his hand in apology. Re-enters the outhouse.
SANDY
Going again. And... action.
Tommy comes out again.
“JOHNNY”
“It’s not true. I...”
(beat)
Line!
Sandy looks at Greg. Then back to Tommy
SANDY
(flatly)
“It’s not true. I didn’t hit her.
It’s bullshit. I did not.”
Tommy nods, goes back into the outhouse.
SANDY
And... action!
From the POV of the CAMERA, we see Tommy come out:
“JOHNNY”
“It’s bullshit. I hit her, it’s
bullshit...”
Tommy keeps walking, until in fact he’s completely out of
frame. Sandy can’t believe it.
SANDY
Dammit! Cut!
(beat)
Tommy... your mark.
TOMMY
(pointing to Greg)
He’s Mark.
SANDY
No, your mark. Where you need to
stand. To be in the shot.
Tommy realizes his mistake. Goes back in. Sandy exhales.
Tommy comes back out, staring at his feet:
“JOHNNY”
“It’s not true...”
SANDY
Look up!
Tommy can’t look up and talk at the same time.
CUT TO:
70.
“JOHNNY”
“I did not hit her. I...”
(beat)
Line!
No one watching can believe this.
SANDY
(to Raphael)
He wrote this, right? Just
checking.
CUT TO:
“JOHNNY”
“I did not...”
This time Tommy SMACKS HIS HEAD in the frame of the door.
TOMMY
OW!!! My god!
CUT TO:
The SLATE says “Take 32.”
“JOHNNY”
“It’s not true. I did not hit her.
It’s bullshit. I did naaat.”
(beat, still looking down)
“Oh hi, Mark!”
Sandy looks towards Raphael. Good enough?
SANDY
And cut!
(in Raphael’s ear)
I get it now. This is a huge money
laundering scheme.
Even Greg is a little thrown by the day. On his face, CUT TO:
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT
Greg comes in after the long day. He’s on the phone.
GREG
It is too a real movie.
(beat)
No, Tommy is directing. But that
doesn’t mean it’s not real -- we’ve
built sets and everything.
INTERCUT w/ Greg’s Mom in San Francisco.
GREG’S MOM
And you’re getting paid for this
movie?
71.
Greg hadn’t thought about that.
GREG
I... Yeah, I think so, ug... We
didn’t talk about that but --
Now he’s in the kitchen. He opens the fridge, pours himself
some orange juice.
GREG’S MOM
Well I just hope this one comes out
cause I never got to see the last
one and you promised --
GREG
I told you I don’t really control
these things, Mom.
Greg’s eyes fall on a drawer in the kitchen, slightly ajar.
Curiosity getting the better of him, he opens it to find
Tommy’s DRIVER’S LICENSE.
CU Tommy’s BIRTHDATE - October 3, 1965. Which would make him
in his 30s. How is that possible?!
GREG
Listen I gotta run. I’ll call you
soon.
Greg hangs up. He looks deeper in the drawer, only to find a
SECOND DRIVER’S LICENSE. Now Greg is really curious! He digs
through the kitchen drawer and finds THREE MORE EXPIRED
LICENSES, each with a different date of birth. He’s stunned.
INT TOMMY’S OFFICE - LATER
Tommy is watching some digital footage. We can’t see much but
what we see looks insane. There’s a KNOCK. Tommy quickly
shuts it off. It’s Juliette, the actress playing ”Michelle.”
JULIETTE
May I come in?
She does, sitting down on a chair across from Tommy’s desk.
JULIETTE
Is it true you still haven’t found
a Lisa?
TOMMY
Why, do you know someone?
JULIETTE
Well I was thinking... maybe I
could do it.
TOMMY
(beat, looks at her)
Young lady...
72.
JULIETTE
I know, I know. I don’t have much
experience but... give me a chance.
I might surprise you.
Tommy looks at her as if regarding her for the first time.
TOMMY
Lisa is aggressive. Passionate.
Very determined. Are you those
things?
JULIETTE
I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.
Juliette stands, slowly moves closer to Tommy.
TOMMY
And you also must be ok with the
kissing stuff? There is lots of --
As if on cue, she kisses Tommy! He’s surprised but quickly
returns it and an intense make out ensues. A few beats later,
Juliette breaks away. Shrugs. Exits. Leaving a very thrown
Tommy with much to think about. CUT TO:
INT AMBER’S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Amber is making a salad. She can see Greg pacing back and
forth in the next room. He looks perturbed.
AMBER
You ok?
GREG
Totally. Yeah. I’m good. I’m fine.
Amber knows he isn’t. She waits for it:
GREG (CONT’D)
It’s just...
Greg throws his SCRIPT on the table.
GREG (CONT’D)
I’m not sure this makes any sense.
A beat. Amber doesn’t know what to say.
GREG (CONT’D)
You know what, fuck it. I’m just
being crazy. A lot of amazing
movies came from terrible scripts.
Star Wars. The Wizard of Oz. We’ll
be fine.
Amber looks down at the PAGES. Then back up at Greg.
73.
AMBER
How bad is it?
GREG AS “MARK” (OVERLAP)
“Yeah man, you never know...”
INT ROOFTOP SET - LATER
And now the rest of that scene. Tommy sits in a chair, Greg
as “Mark” stands over him.
“MARK”
“People are pretty strange these
days. I used to know a girl she had
a dozen guys. One of them found
out, beat her up so bad, she ended
up in the hospital.”
Which causes Tommy to laugh. No one can believe it.
SANDY
Cut. Let’s, uh, try that again...
CUT TO:
“MARK”
“... she had a dozen guys. One of
them found out, beat her up so bad,
she ended up in the hospital.”
Tommy laughs at that again. Sandy and Raphael share another
glance. Holy shit!
SANDY
Cut!
Sandy walks over to Tommy.
TOMMY
What?
SANDY
The story he’s telling you - the
one you, yourself, wrote - it’s not
a funny story, Tommy. Christ.
CUT TO:
“MARK”
“... he beat her up so bad she
ended up in the hospital.”
Tommy laughs uproariously again.
“JOHNNY”
What a story, Mark!
Sandy looks at Raphael who just shakes his head. Let’s just
keep going. CUT TO:
74.
EXT BIRNS & SAWYER - PARKING LOT - END OF DAY
Greg walks with Tommy.
GREG
Good news on the Lisa front. I know
a girl, a really good actress, just
got back in town --
TOMMY
Juliette is playing Lisa.
GREG
No, Juliette is playing Michelle.
TOMMY
Not anymore. She show up one day,
very pushy, manipulative. Her
competition is vicious! Perfect for
Lisa!
GREG
Tommy you have to tell me these
things...
TOMMY
But I’m director. I tell you when
you need to know.
GREG
(surprised and annoyed)
So who’s playing Michelle then?
Tommy didn’t think about that. Oh shit.
GREG (CONT’D)
You’re kidding, right? She shoots
tomorrow!
EXT BIRNS & SAWYER - ALLEY - NIGHT
A smattering of ACTRESSES wait to audition for the role. Greg
walks one of them, ROBYN PARIS (20s, brunette, savvy) down to
the other end of they alley.
GREG
I’m sorry it’s so last minute. I
know how this looks.
ROBYN
It looks like I’m going to be
murdered.
Tommy waits for them at the end of the alley in his
pirate/vampire outfit.
TOMMY
Hello.
75.
Robyn is unfazed by the sight of him. She smiles.
ROBYN
Hi there.
TOMMY
Congratulations. You got the part!
On Robyn’s face, unsure how to feel, CUT TO:
CLOSE UP: A CHECK made out to Sandy from “Wiseau Films”
(complete with its own GLOBE logo). REVEAL we are:
INT WELLS FARGO BANK - DAY
Sandy is cashing the check, fully expecting it to bounce.
TELLER
Anything else I can help you with?
SANDY
Really? That went through?
The Teller sees the confusion on Sandy’s face. He leans in.
TELLER
This account... it’s a bottomless
pit.
And Sandy can’t fucking believe it. CUT TO:
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - NIGHT
Tommy is eating microwave pasta in a cut-off tee when Greg
comes out of the bedroom, dressed to impress.
TOMMY
Nice shirt. Must have big plans
this evening.
GREG
I’m gonna meet Amber for a drink.
TOMMY
Oh. I see.
Tommy pretends he isn’t bothered. He’s not a great actor.
GREG
Tommy...?
TOMMY
I’m not important in your life
anymore. I understand.
A beat.
76.
GREG
Do you want to come with us?
INT EL COYOTE - LATER
Jam packed and loud. The 3 of them squeezed into a small
booth - Tommy alone on one side, Greg and Amber on the other.
Clearly not the date night she had in mind.
TOMMY
(to Waiter)
I said hot water. This is not hot.
Do you only speak Mexican here?
Greg looks at Amber, embarrassed. The Waiter scurries off.
TOMMY
No one do their job these days!
Awkward silence. Amber looks at Greg. Sending him a message.
GREG
Tommy, we’ve been talking and...
well...
(beat)
We want to move in together.
Tommy looks at them, confused.
TOMMY
I’m sorry but - I don’t think my
place can handle the three of us.
GREG
No that’s --
AMBER
Greg is moving in with me.
TOMMY
What?
GREG
I was gonna tell you later but...
yeah, I'm moving out.
A very long beat. Tommy sees Amber take Greg’s hand and hold
it. He fixates on that hand for a beat. Tries to mask
whatever darkness comes over him.
TOMMY
More space for me I guess!
GREG
Exactly! Maybe you’ll get a new
roommate. Someone who can afford to
pay rent.
77.
TOMMY
(trying to remain upbeat)
Haha.
GREG
And we’ll still see each other time
obviously. Just cause I’m moving
out doesn’t mean...
TOMMY
No. Yes. You are right.
A beat as Tommy fights back emotions.
GREG
Tommy, you’re sure not mad?
TOMMY
(beat)
I wish you all the best. Of course.
EXT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - DAY
Amber waits in the car while Greg puts the final BOX in the
trunk. It’s moving day.
AMBER
Is that it?
A beat. Greg looks back towards the house.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - SAME
Greg enters.
GREG
Tommy?
He walks into the BATHROOM where Tommy is shirtless, staring
at his body in the mirror.
GREG (CONT’D)
Tommy, we’re leaving.
Tommy says nothing. And then, without even turning:
TOMMY
Look at my arms. Like big strong
kid, no?
Greg is a little disappointed.
GREG
Yeah, man. I’ll see ya.
And with that he walks out. Only then does Tommy turn, the
hurt and betrayal on his face.
78.
EXT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - SAME
Greg heads out to Amber’s car. Looks back at the apartment,
nice memories. He hops in the car. They drive off. CUT TO:
EXT BIRNS & SAWYER - PARKING LOT - ANOTHER DAY
Greg is eating with some cast members including Juliette,
Philip, Scott, and Robyn.
ROBYN
It’s autobiographical, right? It
must be. Someone in his life was a
Denny - young kid, maybe got into
some trouble. Someone else was a
Mark, the better looking friend he
was jealous of, who got all the
babes.
Greg thinks about that. Robyn continues:
ROBYN
I’m sure there was a Michelle. And
a Mike.
JULIETTE
So who is Lisa? Who stabbed him in
the back, wounded his pride, broke
his heart?
ROBYN
Pretty obvious to me...
(beat)
The universe.
At which point, Tommy shows up on set. He immediately starts
yelling at anyone he passes:
TOMMY
(to a GAFFER)
You, do your job!
(to someone else)
Why are you standing around like
Statue of Liberty, move those here!
(to everyone else)
We need to hurry! There is no time
to waste.
Sandy and Raphael can’t believe it.
SANDY
We’ve been here since 7.
RAPHAEL
You’re four hours late.
TOMMY
Enough excuses.
79.
LATER. Juliette lies in bed, the covers closely tucked around
her naked body as her hair is touched up. She’s clearly a
little uncomfortable but she’s making the best of it. Until:
Tommy steps onto set, wearing nothing but a sock on his dick.
Instead of getting into bed he starts barking at the crew:
TOMMY
You. We need more lights. And you,
help him. You - come too.
As more crew gather around, Juliette pulls the covers up
higher. She looks to Greg - help me. He approaches Tommy.
GREG
Tommy, can you -
(holds his script down to
cover Tommy’s junk)
Is this really necessary?
TOMMY
I have to show my ass or this movie
won’t sell. This is touchdown.
SANDY
Well at least have a closed set.
TOMMY
Closed set? I am doing the sex! I
want everyone to see this.
(then, to Greg)
You especially.
Greg doesn’t know what that means. Meanwhile, Tommy gets in
bed. Juliette tenses up. Even Tommy can see that.
TOMMY
Brad Pitt did this in The Legends
of the Falls.
JULIETTE
Can we put some music on? You know,
to help the mood. Like maybe an
Alicia Keys song?
TOMMY
We are not here to promote other
people’s work.
(barks at crew)
OK everyone gather closer. And...
action!
He kisses her and she tries her best to return the passion.
Tommy pulls down the sheet to expose her breasts, but then he
suddenly stops.
TOMMY
Cut, cut... this is no good.
Everyone is confused. Especially Juliette.
80.
JULIETTE
What’s the problem?
Tommy points at Juliette’s shoulders.
TOMMY
We can’t have this on camera.
(snapping at Make-Up)
See all this stuff here... these
pimples and things.
He continues pointing at her body in front of everyone.
Juliette is horrified.
TOMMY
Here and here. And what is this?
Greg has rarely seen his friend so rude.
GREG
Tommy...
TOMMY
(still pointing)
Take this shit out. We can’t have
this.
Juliette starts to cry. She grabs the bedsheet and runs off.
GREG
Dude, why you gotta be so mean?
TOMMY
What, this is American movie! It
needs to be sexy. She needs to be
beautiful.
GREG
You just embarrassed Juliette in
front of the entire crew!
TOMMY
Now you know what it feels like?
This confuses Greg. He starts to realize this is about his
moving out.
Tommy spins around and gets back into bed.
TOMMY
OK people, let’s do this again.
Where is my Lisa?!
Greg approaches Juliette in the makeup chair. Powder and
cover-up are being applied to her body. She wipes away tears.
GREG
I don’t know what to say. I’m
sorry.
81.
JULIETTE
(sniffles)
It’s OK...
GREG
It’s not. And if you’re not
comfortable --
She composes herself, then stands up and returns to bed.
Tommy looks closely at her body and grunts approval.
LATER. Tommy seems to be thrusting into her at a weird angle.
SANDY
He knows where her vagina is,
right? Why is he fucking her belly
button?
Tommy rolls off her, smiles.
TOMMY
Cut... let’s do it again.
SANDY
Take 15.
JULIETTE
Tommy, please...
TOMMY
I want to feel passion. Electric.
JULIETTE
I’ve had enough, Tommy.
Juliette stands, puts on her robe, holding back tears. Tommy
watches as she leaves the set. He’s not gonna stop her. Greg
goes after her. The rest of the crew look at Tommy. He tries
to hide his embarrassment with a smile. CUT TO:
OUTSIDE JULIETTE’S SHARED TRAILER. Greg knocks.
GREG
It’s Greg.
Juliette still doesn’t open the door.
JULIETTE (O.S.)
I just need a minute. I’ll be ok.
Tommy comes around in his robe. Greg is furious.
GREG
That was a real dick move.
TOMMY
You are dick.
(beat)
And also, no more talking to the
cast.
82.
GREG
What?
TOMMY
You heard me. Just because you have
blonde hair you think you rule the
world.
GREG
Tommy, what are you -- Is this
about my leaving --?
TOMMY
This isn’t about you at all. Not
you. Or anyone else. This is about
the art.
(beat)
My god, Greg. You used to
understand this.
And with that he walks away. CUT TO:
EXT AMBER'S APARTMENT - FRONT STEPS - NIGHT
Greg nursing a beer, miserable. A few empties by his side.
Amber comes out, dressed for bed.
AMBER
Coming in?
GREG
Eventually.
He doesn’t turn around. Amber frowns. Decides to sit.
AMBER
You can always quit, you know. Go
back to the Limited. They offered
you that corporate position --
GREG
I thought you supported this --
AMBER
I did. When I thought it made you
happy. But you’re not happy. You’re
miserable. He’s making you
miserable, Greg.
GREG
He’s giving me a chance. He’s the
only one...
Amber sighs. Stands.
AMBER
I just hope it’s worth it.
She goes inside and we hear:
83.
“CLAUDETTE” (OVERLAP)
“Everything goes wrong at once.”
INT BIRNS AND SAWYER SOUNDSTAGES - LIVING ROOM SET - DAY
Juliette as “Lisa” and Carolyn as her Mother “Claudette” are
rehearsing. It’s hot. Visible sweat on both of their skin.
CAROLYN AS “CLAUDETTE”
“Nobody wants to help me.”
(beat)
“And I’m dying.”
JULIETTE AS “LISA”
“You’re not dying.”
CAROLYN AS “CLAUDETTE”
“I got the results of the tests
back. I definitely have breast
cancer.”
Carolyn calls to Tommy.
CAROLYN
Tommy, does this come back? The
breast cancer.
TOMMY
It is twist.
CAROLYN
But it never comes back?
TOMMY
(ignoring her)
Where is make up? You look like you
just went swimming in a lake?
JULIETTE
It’s 100 degrees in here. Can we at
least get some water?
TOMMY
Honey. Don’t forget. No one in
Hollywood give you water.
This catches Greg’s attention.
GREG
Tommy!
TOMMY
No. I don’t like this stuff. I give
you job. I give you money. I make
you stars. You have problem, you do
other movie.
Juliette shakes her head. What an asshole! This is
interrupted by Raphael.
84.
RAPHAEL
Tommy.
TOMMY
Now what is it?
RAPHAEL
We’re four hours behind again.
TOMMY
And who’s fault is that?
RAPHAEL
It’s your fault. You can’t show up
three hours late every day.
TOMMY
I’m the director.
RAPHAEL
Exactly.
TOMMY
Exactly.
At which point, Carolyn, the elderly actress playing Lisa’s
Mom, FAINTS from dehydration.
They all turn to her body on the ground.
LATER. Carolyn has some bottled water and a towel. She’s a
bit dazed but ok. Greg sits with her.
CAROLYN
My husband’s been ill. We haven’t
slept for a few days. It’s nothing.
Honest.
Greg studied her a beat.
GREG
Why do you do it?
(off her look)
You live in Calabasas. You’re
married with grandchildren. And
you’re waking up at 5, driving all
this way, and for what?
CAROLYN
I just... think it would be nice to
do one thing people remember.
(beat)
Isn’t that why you do it?
Greg thinks about that. He’s not sure WHY he does it. It’s a
good question. CUT TO:
85.
EXT THE GROVE - NIGHT
Greg and Amber sharing a Jamba Juice as they walk arm in arm
past the shops. Greg notices something, his eyes bug out,
holy shit. He leans in conspiratorially to Amber.
GREG
Shh. Check it out.
He gestures with his head, not too subtly. Amber looks and
sure enough - it’s RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON.
AMBER
Hey I know him.
GREG
Yeah no shit, it’s MacGyver.
AMBER
No, I mean...
(shouts)
Richard!
Greg is shocked. Richard looks over, sees Amber wave to him,
he smiles and waves back. And then he starts walking over.
Greg’s mouth hits the floor.
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
Hey Amber, how’s it going?
AMBER
So good to see you! This is my
boyfriend, Greg.
Richard Dean puts out his hand. Greg shakes it, still in awe.
AMBER
He’s also an actor.
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
Oh yeah? Anything I would have
seen?
GREG
Um, no, I doubt it.
A beat of awkward silence. But Richard’s a pro.
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
Working on anything at the moment?
GREG
Actually, yeah, I’m... shooting
this movie...
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
A movie. No shit. Good for you,
man. Any interest in television?
86.
GREG
What do you mean?
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
I’m in the middle of this sci-fi
series --
GREG
Stargate SG1.
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
You know it?
(fuck yeah he does)
Oh ok. Well I’m a producer on the
show. We’ve got this big planetary
war sequence we’re shooting on
Tuesday and we’re short on
soldiers. You wouldn’t be
interested in something like that,
would you?
Greg is momentarily taken aback.
AMBER
That’s amazing! Of course he would.
GREG
Well, I’d have to ask Tommy --
AMBER
(to Greg)
Are you crazy? Millions of people
watch this show! This is huge.
(to Richard)
We’ll make it work.
Greg looks at Amber. We can see the idea makes him a little
nervous. He shakes it off. Smiles.
GREG
What do I have to do?
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
Just bring those big blue eyes of
yours. Oh, and don’t shave. All the
soldiers have beards on this ship.
GREG
Ok.
RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON
(to Amber)
Good to see you.
Richard hugs Amber goodbye and walks off. Greg and Amber
stand there a beat.
GREG
How the hell do you know fucking
MacGyver?!
87.
AMBER
Pilates.
EXT BIRNS & SAWYER STUDIO - ANOTHER DAY
Raphael comes out of Tommy’s throne. Looks both ways. In the
clear. (He totally just took a shit in there.)
INT GREG’S TRAILER - SAME
Greg is practicing the “Stargate” lines in the mirror. Just
like in the opening scene. Only now, he can’t get anything to
sound right. He’s so self-conscious and in his head that
nothing sounds right.
GREG
Fuck!
He crumples up the “sides” and throws them at the mirror.
INT A DARK BEDROOM - SAME
Tommy, as serious as we’ve ever seen him, kneels down and
makes the sign of the cross. Then he slowly raises a GUN to
his mouth. For a moment we might think this is real but then
Tommy pulls the trigger. The prop makes a tiny POP sound.
ANGLE ON GREG, watching with the crew. He sees Tommy fall
over, start flailing around on the floor. This goes for a
long while until he grabs Lisa’s RED DRESS from the ground -
SANDY (O.S.)
CUT!
Tommy turns to him, shocked.
TOMMY
Don’t cut! What are you doing? This
is real acting!
SANDY
Tommy, if you plan to writhe around
you should probably do it before
you blow your brains out, not
after.
TOMMY
(beat)
I disagree.
Sandy couldn’t care less at this point.
RAPHAEL
Can you try to stay in the frame?
TOMMY
That is your problem. And action!
88.
This time Tommy runs around, trashing the room. Glassware and
picture frames go flying. He breaks a mirror. He pulls out
drawers. He grunts and moans throughout the rampage.
“JOHNNY”
“Why? Why?!”
Tommy writhes around on the floor until he grabs the red
dress... which he then repeatedly rubs on his crotch.
ANGLE ON Greg who has chosen THIS day to bring Amber with
him. Both are very disturbed.
RAPHAEL
(whisper)
Is he... why is he...?
SANDY
(has to look away)
Oh Dear God...
BACK TO TOMMY. Who is very clearly masturbating with the
dress. Upon finishing, he then SNIFFS the soiled dress!
Eventually he picks up the gun...
“JOHNNY”
“God... forgive me!”
And pulls the trigger! He falls over and remains motionless.
ANGLE ON the entire crew. Stunned silence. No one can believe
what they just saw.
SANDY
And... cut?
Tommy sits up, brushes some lint off his pants. Greg looks at
Amber. It’s time. He approaches Tommy, anxious but also
excited.
GREG
Hey man, listen... I know it’s last
minute but, um...
TOMMY
What is it, Greg, I’m very busy?
GREG
Would you mind if I don’t come in
tomorrow? I checked the call sheet
to make sure I’m not on --
TOMMY
(covers his face)
Are you sick?
GREG
No, I -
89.
TOMMY
(immediately suspicious)
So why you need day off?
Greg isn’t sure he should tell him. Has no idea how he’ll
react. But he doesn’t want to lie.
GREG
You won’t believe this but I landed
a small part on a tv show.
Stargate. With Richard Dean
Anderson.
Tommy doesn’t like the sound of this at all.
TOMMY
But you’re a movie actor now. Why
you do this?
GREG
It’s... kind of a big show.
Nationally syndicated. Good
exposure. Amber thinks it could be
a really good stepping stone.
TOMMY
Amber does...
Tommy lets that linger a beat.
GREG
Hey don’t worry, man, it’s just one
day. It won’t get in the way of
this I promise.
Another long beat. And then Tommy grins.
TOMMY
Anything for you, babyface.
GREG
Really?! Thanks, Tommy. Thanks so
much. I appreciate it.
Greg starts walking away. Tommy calls to him.
TOMMY
So what do you have to do in this
Star Gaze show?
GREG
He didn’t say.
(re: his beard)
Just have to show up with this.
And with that Greg smiles, puts his arm around Amber and the
two of them happily walk off. Tommy watches him go. A giant
pit in his stomach. CUT TO:
90.
LATER. After a take, Tommy yells “cut,” everyone starts
walking away and for a brief moment he’s alone. He doesn’t
like it. He announces:
TOMMY
I need meeting.
SANDY
Tommy, it’s been a long day.
Everyone looks exhausted. But Tommy doesn’t care.
TOMMY
I worry about our ending. We need
something bigger, more spectacular.
So I have idea... I want my car to
fly off the roof and into the sky.
The other all look at each other. Sandy speaks first.
SANDY
Why do you want to do this,
exactly?
TOMMY
It’s just possible side plot. Maybe
Johnny is a vampire.
SANDY
Good-night.
He simply walks off.
PETER
Tommy, our facility can’t handle a
stunt like that.
TOMMY
(hands up)
Alright, alright. But do you see
how creative I am? Somebody’s good
director, eh?
The meeting breaks up. Everyone is leaving. Tommy grabs Greg.
TOMMY
Wait, I have another idea.
(beat)
I’d like you to you shave your
beard.
Greg turns to him, laughs.
TOMMY
I’m serious.
GREG
What?! Tommy, no, you -- that’s not
in the script.
91.
TOMMY
I make script change.
Greg sees the look in Tommy’s eyes. Amber’s words in his ear,
he takes a stand.
GREG
I can’t do that.
But Tommy won’t let him off the hook so easy.
TOMMY
Listen, I have to tell you --
GREG
I’m not shaving.
TOMMY
Trust me on this --
GREG
I said no --
And now the whole crew is paying attention to this exchange.
TOMMY
This Star Gaze is more important
than movie -- our movie?
A standoff. Tommy is not backing down.
GREG
You’re fucking serious?
TOMMY
We need the moment.
GREG
Tommy --
TOMMY
You must choose, Greg. What’s it
gonna be?
The choice is easy. Or at least it should be. But there’s
something holding Greg back. And Tommy knows it.
Amber sees this too. Walks off. Greg looks back at Tommy,
angry. Storms off in Amber’s direction. CUT TO:
INT MAKE-UP TRAILER - MOMENTS LATER
Greg comes in to find Amber there. Her arms folded. Her face
unable to mask her disappointment.
AMBER
I don’t understand you.
Greg ignores her. Sits on the bed, distraught.
92.
AMBER
That was your chance to get away
from this guy and you didn’t take
it.
GREG
What am I supposed to do?
AMBER
Say no! Walk out! Tell him to fuck
himself!
GREG
I can’t...
AMBER
Yes you can. Of course you can. Why
can’t you?
GREG
Cause he’s... I thought he was my
friend --
Amber sighs deeply. Shakes her head. And then she says:
AMBER
You’re so full of shit sometimes,
you know that?
And now he turns to face her.
AMBER
This isn’t about loyalty, or
friendship. This is about fear.
Greg looks at her - what is she saying?
AMBER
Your biggest fear is that you’re
bad at this. That you’d go on to
that Stargate set and people would
laugh at you.
(beat)
But with Tommy around, that
wouldn’t happen. It would never
happen. Cause there’d always be
somebody worse.
Greg doesn’t want to admit it but she’s making sense.
AMBER
Tommy isn’t your friend, Greg.
(beat)
He’s your excuse.
Greg looks away, unable to deny it. She squeezes his
shoulders, walks past him out of the trailer. He watches her
go and in that moment, he knows, he’s lost her. We hear:
SFX: The BUZZ of ELECTRIC CLIPPERS. And we are:
93.
INT BIRNS AND SAWYER SOUNDSTAGES - BATHROOM - DAY
Greg, demoralized beyond repair, is being shaved with a
straight razor by Amy. If that wasn’t bad enough, Tommy is
behind him, too close, watching every pass of the razor.
TOMMY
Mmm. Slower. Do it slower.
Take your time.
And then it’s over. Amy lifts Greg’s head up so he can see in
the mirror. He looks in the mirror, a little heartbroken.
RACK FOCUS to Tommy, right behind him. Cheshire grin and all,
purposefully ruining his friend’s life.
CUT TO:
On a MONITOR, we see the scene where “Mark” and “Lisa” find
the corpse of “Johnny” and weep for the loss.
“MARK”
“Wake up, Johnny. Come on!”
“LISA”
“My god, Mark, is he dead?!”
“MARK”
“YES HE’S DEAD!”
REVEAL we are on the SOUNDSTAGE. Juliette as “Lisa” starts to
cry hysterically. Greg, on the other hand, doesn’t seem that
broken up.
Tommy, as the corpse, opens one eye to watch Greg. Frowns.
TOMMY
Cut. Cut this.
(to Greg)
What are you doing?
GREG
What?
TOMMY
You are actor. I need you to
deliver here. Do the crying thing.
ANOTHER TAKE. Juliette fake cries pretty well. Greg is trying
to get there but something (namely, his feelings for Tommy) -
holds him back.
TOMMY
CUT! No good. Go again. And kiss my
head this time.
Greg looks at him sideways.
TOMMY
You love Johnny. You cause his
demise. You feel bad. Kiss him.
94.
Greg sighs. Whatever.
TOMMY
Go again. Action.
ANOTHER TAKE. Greg slowly kisses Tommy on the head. But he
still can’t cry.
TOMMY
Cut! This is worst acting ever.
Greg is getting frustrated.
ANOTHER. Same deal. Greg’s fake crying is terrible.
TOMMY
Ok stop this nonsense.
GREG
Goddammit!
TOMMY
C’mon Greg. Are you not real actor?
GREG
Are you seriously asking me that?
TOMMY
I used to see such things for you.
Such big celebrity things.
Skyrocket superstar. But now I
wonder. Maybe Mommy was right about
you.
That shocks Greg into silence. He looks at him, angry.
GREG
Listen to me, Tommy. I’ll do this
scene. And the bullshit party scene
after. I’ll finish the day. Cause
I’m a professional. But then we are
done. You understand? This - you
and me... it’s over.
And now the whole crew is paying attention to this exchange.
GREG
(and one more thing)
And when you shoot yourself in the
head, you don’t just have a trickle
of blood on your chin, you fucking
idiot!
And with that Greg gets back into position.
GREG
Go again, asshole.
95.
EXT BIRNS & SAWYER - PARKING LOT - LATER
Greg exits the soundstage. Sandy is off to the side smoking.
He sees Greg’s face.
SANDY
If it makes you feel any better,
I’ve made dozens of movies better
than this piece of shit that you’ve
never even heard of.
(beat)
I can guarantee you, kid... no
one’s gonna see this turkey. It’ll
be like it never existed.
He slaps him on the shoulder and walks off.
Greg stands there. He looks in the distance - Studio City to
the North, Los Angeles to the South. Everything feels very
far away. A tall dark-haired BIKER DUDE approaches.
BIKER DUDE
Hey man. Which way is wardrobe?
GREG
Who are you?
BIKER DUDE
Greg Ellery.
(off his confusion)
I’m the guy playing Steven.
GREG
Who the fuck is Steven?
The Biker Dude shrugs. He has no idea either.
GREG
Through those doors, make a left.
BIKER DUDE
Thanks.
He starts to go but before he does, turns around:
BIKER DUDE
Can you believe it? A speaking part
in a real fucking movie!
Greg thinks about that as the Biker Dude excitedly runs off.
CUT TO BLACK.
FADE IN:
EXT RUNYON CANYON - MONTHS LATER
ANGLE ON GREG. Running a trail. We notice his tan. A new
haircut. Some time has passed and he looks good. Greg reaches
the bottom, turns around to run back to the top.
96.
INT GREG’S APARTMENT - SAME
He’s got his own place. Small but it works, especially now
that he’s living alone.
INT THE LIMITED - SAME
Greg working retail. Seemingly ok with this.
INT COMMUNITY THEATER - DAY
Greg in a scene from Arthur Miller’s “Death of a Salesman.” A
smattering of people in the audience. Greg tries not to be
intimidated. He’s doing his best. And he’s not afraid.
EXT COMMUNITY THEATER - LATER
Greg emerges, says goodbye to some of his fellow performers,
is about to walk to his car when he hears:
TOMMY (O.S.)
Babyface.
Greg turns. None too pleased to see Tommy.
GREG
You stalking me now?
TOMMY
You’re not so hard to find.
Behind Greg is a poster advertising the play - “Death of a
Salesman” starring William Devane and Greg Sestero, their
head shots prominently featured.
GREG
Did you watch any of it?
TOMMY
You know I don’t like comedies.
Greg just shakes his head at that.
TOMMY
I need a favor.
Greg looks at Tommy like he’s insane. Almost laughs at this.
TOMMY
I must finish “The Room.”
GREG
You finished “The Room.” Months
ago.
TOMMY
I need to shoot the outside parts.
97.
GREG
Exteriors?
TOMMY
What?
GREG
They’re called exteriors, not
outside parts.
TOMMY
Ok Mr. Hollywood. See, that’s why I
need you. Two days. San Francisco.
That surprises him.
GREG
San Francisco?
TOMMY
Like the old times. Fun times.
GREG
I saw some footage Tommy. You’re
wasting your time --
TOMMY
Oh you don’t know what you saw. I
fire three editors since then,
recut the whole picture. Greg, it
works...
Greg keeps walking.
TOMMY
And you’re the best thing in it.
And now Greg stops. Tommy walks up to him.
TOMMY
We make a pact, remember. To never
lose sight of our dreams. Did you
ever think we would be this close?
Well I did. I always did.
Greg looks at him, still angry.
TOMMY
Look, I know I push you little bit.
But it’s only cause I believe in
you. I’ve always believed in you.
Even when I was only one.
(beat)
I’m sorry if sometimes it feels
like too much.
He removes from his cargo pants an ENVELOPE. Holds it out for
Greg to take. Greg hesitates a beat. But he takes it. Opens
it up. He’s shocked.
98.
GREG
I can’t take this.
Tommy won’t take it back.
TOMMY (CONT’D)
We do this together. Partners.
(beat)
Now let’s finish this thing. Let’s
show the world what you can do.
Greg looks at Tommy another long beat. Knows he might regret
it but still a part him can’t say no. On his face, CUT TO:
EXT DOWNTOWN SAN FRANCISCO - A WEEK LATER
Greg waits on a street corner for Tommy. A few moments later
a VAN pulls up. Inside is Tommy and a 3 MAN CREW we’ve never
seen before. Greg is confused by this.
GREG
Where’s Sandy?
TOMMY
It is over for that guy.
GREG
And Raphael?
TOMMY
Raphael also a problem. Now we go
with Todd.
Tommy motions to TODD (20, surfer type, probably stoned).
Greg knows there’s no point in arguing. He gets in the van.
INT VAN - LATER
Driving on the 405 North. Tommy and Greg in the back. Tommy
is acting like everything is the same. Greg doesn’t engage,
just stares out the window.
TOMMY
Look at you, my god. Somebody is
sad tonight. Can you smile little
bit or is it end of the world?
A beat. Greg doesn’t want to talk about it with Tommy.
TOMMY
Is this about your lady friend?
GREG
We’re not together anymore.
TOMMY
Ah too bad. I always liked her...
99.
Greg looks at him sideways. Did he really just say that?
Shakes his head.
TOMMY
I have idea! Let’s do a scene in
San Francisco. We can use this
emotion.
GREG
No...
TOMMY
This will make you feel so much
better, trust me.
Tommy excitedly grabs his LAPTOP and opens it.
TOMMY
So maybe we’re in coffee shop.
Johnny and Mark talking about life
and women. How bout this?
(beat, starts to type)
“Relationships. Why we waste time
on these things. These girls - so
difficult. So much time in the
bathroom...”
Greg can only shake his head as Tommy continues to write.
EXT FISHERMAN’S WHARF - EARLY MORNING
Packed with tourists and pricey real estate.
TODD (O.C.)
We’re here.
INT VAN - SAME
The van pulls up in front of a huge building. Greg looks
closer and sees a small sign above the entrance. It reads
“STREET FASHIONS USA.” Greg look at Tommy, shocked. He owns
this building?
INT / EXT TOMMY’S WAREHOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Boxes and other detritus scattered about. It’s like some
messy version of the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Tommy
leads them upstairs to a roof with a majestic city view.
TOMMY
I want this whole view. All the
bridges. Alcatraz. Everything.
The crew begins setting up. But Greg is still processing.
100.
GREG
If you own this building, why
didn’t we just shoot here?
TOMMY
(beat)
Script called for green screen.
LATER. Todd and his crew are shooting panorama style. Greg
hangs off to the side, disinterested, leaning on one (of two)
of the biggest AMERICAN FLAGS ever. Tommy approaches.
TOMMY
We’re gonna need some extras later.
GREG
For what?
TOMMY
The coffee scene. About life and
women!
GREG
You were serious about that?
TOMMY
It’s great scene! Make some calls.
We need many patrons. Real life!
He playfully slaps Greg on the arm.
EXT COFFEE SHOP - LATER
They’ve just completed the “Coffee Shop” scene. Greg thinks -
finally, now they’re done. But Tommy’s eyes fall on a FLOWER
SHOP. He gets excited.
TOMMY
New scene!
Greg despairs. But what can he do? CUT TO:
EXT POLO GROUNDS - ANOTHER DAY
The exact spot they played football years ago. Greg knows it
too. He look at Tommy, wondering the point of all this.
TOMMY
Now we throw the ball around. Like
first time.
He shows Todd where to set up the camera. Then he throws the
football towards Greg. It bounces in the dirt before him.
GREG
(sighs, picks up the ball)
Do you even want to finish this
movie? You keep adding more scenes.
101.
He throws the ball at Tommy. A little too hard. It hits Tommy
in the hands and falls. Tommy look at him, annoyed. Todd
films all.
TOMMY
You have somewhere to be? Steve
Spielberg need you on set?
GREG
Fuck off, Tommy.
TOMMY
My god you’re sensitive.
(beat)
Are you still mad about the beard
thing? I should think you would be
grateful.
Greg looks at him like he’s insane.
TOMMY
I know you, Greg. You need me.
You’re nothing without me --
GREG
I was fine without you.
TOMMY
-- so afraid to take chances.
Afraid to fail. I pushed you --
GREG
You ruined me.
TOMMY
If it wasn’t for me you’d be
working at the Limited.
GREG
I AM working at the Limited.
TOMMY
You should be saying thank you all
the time. Thank you Tommy. Only one
to give me a chance, best friend
Tommy.
Tommy throws the ball back. It goes sailing over Greg's head.
Greg doesn't look at it. He stares at Tommy in disbelief.
GREG
Were we ever friends?
TOMMY
Oh, now you are funny one...
GREG
No, I’m serious.
102.
TOMMY
I was great friend.
GREG
No, Tommy, you weren’t. Friends
don’t lie to each other. They don’t
spy on each other. They don’t keep
secrets...
He guns the ball at Tommy's head. Tommy blocks it with his
hands but doesn't catch it.
TOMMY
Dammit, Greg! Why you throw this
tricky stuff?
GREG
You know what, Tommy, fine if we’re
friends as you say we are... then
tell me something... tell me where
you were born.
Tommy throws the ball back. His discomfort visibly growing.
GREG
Where are you from, Tommy?
TOMMY
I told you we don’t talk about
this.
GREG
Fine. Ok... Next question. Where’s
the money come from?
Now Tommy is getting angry.
GREG
You don’t go from selling toy birds
to owning real estate in the Wharf?
How’d you get so much money, huh?
TOMMY
This is not part of scene.
Tommy throws the ball back, hoping the camera can’t tell how
angry he’s becoming.
GREG
Ok. Last one, one friend to another
- how fucking old are you?
And now Tommy explodes in anger, running over to Greg and
leaping on top of him. Fists and kicks start flying, curses
too, as they roll around in the grass. Todd and the crew keep
filming. Eventually Greg shoves Tommy off of him and gets up.
GREG
Yeah that’s what I thought.
103.
And with that, Greg walks off. Todd looks at Tommy, still on
the ground, emotionally spent. After a beat:
TODD
Can we cut?
And with that, principal photography on “The Room” is over.
EXT HIGHLAND AVENUE - DAY
Greg drives up the street. On the phone with a New Agent:
NEW AGENT (OVERLAP)
What about the movie you wrapped?
GREG
Forget about that --
NEW AGENT (OVER)
You spent 5 months on this goddamn
thing and you're telling me nothing
is usable, not one clip?!
GREG
Believe me, we’ll be much better
off if no one ever --
Greg’s eyes notice a giant BILLBOARD in the Hollywood
skyline. To his utter shock, it’s an AD for THE ROOM:
GREG (CONT’D)
Oh fuck.
NEW AGENT (OVER)
Greg?
GREG
I’ll call you back.
Greg pulls over to the side. He gets a better look at the
billboard. It’s one of TOMMY’S HEADSHOTS, his lips pursed,
his eyes droopy, his whole face angled low as if looking down
on the passing commuters. The tag line reads: “CAN YOU REALLY
TRUST ANYONE?”
At the bottom of the billboard is an RSVP HOTLINE.
Greg, curious, takes out his CELL, types in the number.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - SAME
Tommy sits at a desk in a wife-beater. He answers excitedly:
TOMMY
Go for Tommy!
104.
INT GREG’S CAR - SAME
Greg quickly hangs up. Disbelief.
INT HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT - SAME
TOMMY
Hello? Hello?
No one is there. Tommy deflates. He hangs up the phone.
Continues what he was doing which is inserting professionallooking
INVITATIONS into ENVELOPES.
ANGLE on the INVITATION - “You and a Guest are Invited” to
The Room Premiere - below which is a faux review: “With the
passion of Tenesse Willaims!” - Entertainment Today.
As Tommy seals it up in the envelope, we MATCH CUT TO:
TWO HANDS opening the INVITATION. We are:
INT GREG’S APARTMENT - DAY
Greg looks at the invite. His face says probably not. But
then he turns it over to find a hand-written note.
INSERT: “It would mean the world to see you - Tommy.”
Greg sighs. Goddamn it. He can’t not go. CUT TO:
EXT GREG’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Greg stands in the very same TUXEDO he wore in the film.
There’s a strange vibe in the air. Maybe not excitement,
exactly, but some charge of anticipation, energy.
After a beat, a LIMOUSINE pulls up outside his place. There’s
no mistaking its destination - “ROOM” POSTERS have been taped
on the doors. One of the doors opens and out pops Tommy.
He gives Greg a big, exuberant bear hug.
TOMMY
Can you believe this?
Greg can’t help but smile. Tommy said he would do it and he
did. As they hop in, Tommy hands Greg a Room POSTCARD. Greg
looks it over, goes to return it.
TOMMY
It’s ok. I have boxes of these
things.
105.
INT LIMOUSINE - SAME
And Tommy meant that literally. He and Greg sit amongst
various boxes of Room propaganda.
GREG
You really pulled out all the stops
tonight.
TOMMY
Wait till you see.
(beat)
Oh. And I have surprise for you.
This does not help Greg relax one bit.
EXT HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - MOMENTS LATER
The limo driving down the street. It slows in front of
Graumin’s Chinese Theatre where a CROWD of people have
gathered to see “The Matrix: Reloaded.”
They turn to see Tommy, popping out of the sunroof. With his
strange voice and dark sunglasses, he could be a villain from
that movie. He yells to the crowd.
TOMMY
Don’t see that! Come see feature
movie premiere! Tonight: The Room!
You’re all invited!
Tommy starts throwing T-shirts and Postcards to the crowd.
And to anyone else on Hollywood Boulevard who have no idea
what to make of this crazy guy.
TOMMY
(to the DRIVER)
Ok, let’s go!
EXT LAEMMLE FAIRFAX - SAME
Spotlights. Red carpet. Velvet ropes. Fanfare. Exactly what
you’d expect at a big studio movie premiere.
Except not a lot of people waiting outside. “Chris-R” is
there with “Denny” and “Mike.” Juliette and Robyn stand with
Carolyn Minnot and her Salt of the Earth elderly HUSBAND.
The limo pulls up in front. Tommy’s HIRED PHOTOGRAPHERS begin
to snap pictures in expectation of Tommy’s exit.
INT LIMOUSINE - SAME
Greg is about to open the door when a look comes over Tommy.
106.
TOMMY
(to the Driver)
Drive around the block again.
The Driver shoots him a confused look.
TOMMY
We need to build the anticipation.
EXT LAEMMLE FAIRFAX - SAME
The gathering is also confused as the car pulls away.
INT LIMOUSINE - SAME
It pulls up again. Tommy looks out the window. Still not
satisfied. They keep driving.
EXT LAEMMLE FAIRFAX - SAME
Watching the limo drive off again, Robyn announces:
ROBYN
Tommy Wiseau, ladies and gentlemen.
Which gets a big laugh from the Room-mates.
After a few more beats, the limo pulls up again and this time
it stops. The Photographers look at one another, shrug, start
taking pictures.
INT LIMOUSINE - SAME
Tommy nods to Greg. The door opens.
EXT LAEMMLE FAIRFAX - SAME
Greg emerges first. Everyone cheers and shouts for him. And,
hearing the cheers and shouts, Tommy quickly follows after.
He’s ecstatic to hear the cheers increase in volume.
TOMMY
Hello everybody!
As they make their way to the theatre, Greg feels a TAP from
behind. He turns to discover:
MRS. SESTERO
Bonjour ma cherie.
GREG
Mom!
107.
TOMMY
I told you I have surprise.
GREG
Mom, what the... why didn’t you...
what are you doing here?!
MRS. SESTERO
You can thank Tommy. He thought I
might like to see that I was wrong
about you.
Mrs. Sestero hugs Greg. He hugs her back. A nice moment for
him. Even if he knows what’s coming. The rest of Greg’s
family are there as well. Tommy has invited everyone.
INT LAEMMLE FAIRFAX - SAME
People have started taking their seats. The MIDDLE ROWS have
all been reserved for the CAST. Tommy waves to anyone and
everyone and takes an aisle seat. It’s starting to dawn on
him that this is real, that people are about to watch his
movie - and it’s beginning to make him nervous.
Meanwhile, Greg sits with his family a few rows back. He
makes eye contact with Juliette, a look that says “what are
we in for?” Greg opens his eyes wide - “who the fuck knows?”
The lights dim. A LAEMMLE EMPLOYEE steps up to the front,
holding a microphone.
LAEMMLE EMPLOYEE
If I can have your attention...
ANGLE on “Denny,” turning to give Tommy a big thumbs. It
doesn’t appear to calm Tommy’s nerves.
LAEMMLE EMPLOYEE
Please welcome the writer/
director/ producer/ and star of
tonight’s...
(looking at his notes)
... “extravaganza.” Mr. Tommy Wizz,
Wise, Wisso?
Tommy stands amongst the cheers and catcalls of his guests.
He looks fucking terrified. Sweat pours down face and neck.
His hands shake as he grabs the mic. He looks out on the
crowd - Juliette, Carolyn, Robyn, the whole cast.
He looks at Greg. A long, long look at Greg. And then,
fighting back, tears, finally he speaks:
TOMMY
This is my movie. This is my life.
(beat)
I hope you learn something... And
discover yourself.
108.
He makes the “hang-loose” sign above his head.
TOMMY
Be cool.
And with that, he walks back to his seat. Greg puts his hand
on Tommy’s shoulder and squeezes. No matter what the movie
is, Greg is legitimately proud of Tommy at this moment. Tommy
puts his hand on Greg’s hand in a gesture of thanks.
TOMMY
I’m happy you’re here.
The lights go down and everyone cheers - the movie is about
to begin.
ANGLE ON THE SCREEN: the LOGO for Wiseau Films. It gets the
requisite applause. Tommy raises his arms in the air. His
shining moment.
And then comes a SECOND LOGO for Wiseau Films. This is met
with confusion, mostly. Then some polite applause.
And now comes the opening credits. Dramatic music over random
shots of San Francisco. More loud applause. Greg’s Mom grabs
Greg’s hand and holds it for a beat. Beaming with pride. Greg
just shakes his head - “wait.”
CREDITS END and out comes Tommy as “Johnny.” Here are his
first lines:
“JOHNNY”
“Hi babe!”
(singsong)
“I have something for youuu.”
“LISA”
“What is it?!”
“Lisa” excitedly tries to wrestle it from behind “Johnny’s”
back. Eventually he gives it to her. A box. She opens it to
reveal “sexy red lingerie.”
ANGLE ON Greg’s Mom, already getting uncomfortable.
BACK ON SCREEN: “Lisa” re-enters the room in the lingerie.
“Johnny” likes what he sees.
“JOHNNY”
“Wow you look so sexy, Lisa. I
would do anything for my girl.”
At which point, “Denny” enters the room. This is apparently
not weird at all.
“JOHNNY”
“Oh hi Denny.”
109.
“DENNY”
(inappropriately ogling)
“Wow look at you!”
“JOHNNY”
“Anything for my princess.”
ANGLE ON Greg’s Mom. Now officially concerned.
BACK ON SCREEN: “Denny” eats his apple downstairs while,
upstairs, “Lisa” and “Johnny” begin their foreplay. A few
beats of this and then “Denny,” surprising them both, joins
in on the fun!
ANGLE ON Greg’s Mom. She looks at Greg. What is this? He
doesn’t return her gaze.
BACK ON SCREEN:
“JOHNNY”
“Denny, two’s great. But threes a
crowd.”
Denny gets the message.
“JOHNNY”
“Bye Denny.”
And Denny leaves. The music changes to what Tommy thinks is
sultry and arousing. “Johnny” and “Lisa” begin to make out.
ANGLE ON Juliette, hiding her face. Robyn puts her arm around
her. Enjoying themselves, not yet demoralized.
BACK ON SCREEN: “Johnny” has sex with “Lisa” as only he can.
In her belly button.
ANGLE ON Greg’s Mom. She checks her watch. How is this sex
scene still going?
CUT TO:
ANGLE ON SCREEN: “Johnny” enters a Flower Shop.
FLORIST
“Can I help you?”
“JOHNNY”
“Yeah can I have a dozen red
roses?”
FLORIST
“Oh hi Johnny. I didn’t know it was
you. Here you go.”
“JOHNNY”
“It’s me. How much is it?”
FLORIST
“It’ll be 18 dollars.”
110.
“JOHNNY”
“Here you go. Keep the change.”
(he pets a DOG)
“Hi doggie!”
FLORIST
“Thanks. You’re my favorite
customer.”
And “Johnny” leaves.
ANGLE ON Tommy, watching intently. His masterpiece.
ANGLE ON Greg’s Mom. Trying very hard not to laugh. Greg sees
this. And he too looks like he might lose it.
BACK ON SCREEN: Lisa’s Mom “Claudette” across from “Lisa.”
“CLAUDETTE”
“Nobody wants to help me. And I’m
dying.”
“LISA”
“You’re not dying.”
“CLAUDETTE”
“I got the results of the tests
back. I definitely have breast
cancer.”
ANGLE ON Greg’s Mom. Can’t hold it.
ANGLE ON SCREEN. And the movie’s most famous scene. “Johnny”
and “Lisa” having it out.
“JOHNNY”
“I could not go on without you
Lisa.”
“LISA”
“You’re scaring me.”
“JOHNNY”
“I did not hit you. You’re lying!”
He takes a deep breath and, in his best James Dean
impression, shouts to the heavens:
“JOHNNY”
“YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISA!”
ANGLE ON Greg’s Mom. That’s it. Can’t contain it any longer.
She outwardly, openly, loudly loses her shit.
And the dam breaks.
GREG’S MOM
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
At which point, seemingly EVERYONE in the place cracks up.
111.
ANGLE ON TOMMY, unsure how to feel about this sudden sea
change. His head remains fixed on the screen.
CUT TO:
ANGLE ON SCREEN, “Chris-R” threatens to kill “Denny” before
“Johnny” and “Mark” show up to rescue him. And then, just as
quickly, “Lisa” and “Claudette” are there too.
“DENNY”
“I owe him some money.”
“LISA”
“What kind of money?”
ANGLE ON ROBYN, she laughs out loud at this line.
“CLAUDETTE”
“What do you need money for?”
“LISA”
(to Her Mom)
“Mom please! Denny is with me and
Johnny.”
Which gets huge laughs from the crowd. Even Juliette is now
enjoying herself.
ANGLE ON SCREEN, “Johnny” and “Mark” on the rooftop. We saw
this one being filmed earlier but cut together, it’s even
more incredible.
“JOHNNY”
“It’s not true. I did not hit her.
It’s bullshit. I did not hit her. I
did naaht.”
(beat)
“Oh hi Mark.”
Everyone has by now lost their collective shit. They hoot and
holler, genuinely having fun at the ridiculousness. Tommy is
seemingly the only silent person in the theatre.
QUICK CUTS TO:
- “Johnny” screaming “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!”
- “Mike” telling “Johnny” about “Me Underwears”
- “Lisa” and “Claudette” catch “Michelle” blowing “Mike”
- “Lisa” and “Greg” having sex on the stairs.
ANGLE ON Greg, hiding his face in his hands. His Mom nudges
him playfully. She finds it hilarious. Greg laughs.
QUICK CUTS TO:
- “Mark” tries to throw “Peter” off the rooftop. But then,
decides not to. “Peter” straightens his suit. Friends again.
- “Johnny” and his gang inexplicably throw the football
around while wearing tuxedos.
112.
- The Coffee Shop scene is “Johnny” and “Mark” waiting in
line while SEVERAL DIFFERENT EXTRAS give their full orders.
- Tommy, “Denny,” and the ACTOR playing “Peter” stand around
in tuxedos. Denny has a football. The DOORBELL rings. Denny
opens it and in walks clean-shaven Greg. (This is the big
moment Tommy was hoping to capture.)
“MARK”
“So... you like it?”
“JOHNNY”
“You look like a babyface!”
ANGLE on Greg in the audience, remembering the pain of this
moment. And then BACK ON SCREEN:
“DENNY”
“You guys wanna play football?”
“EVERYONE”
“Sure./Great.”
“PETER”
“I don’t think so.”
TOMMY
“Come on... Don’t be chicken. Cheep
cheep cheep cheep.”
And everyone joins in...
“EVERYONE”
“Cheep cheep cheep cheep.”
All of which is met with loud laughter and big applause.
Greg’s Mom has never laughed so hard in her life and Greg is
completely on board with it. This is a great night, actually.
CUT TO:
ANGLE ON SCREEN where “Mark” and “Lisa” are about to have sex
again. Greg turns to his mother, he can’t watch, excuses
himself. CUT TO:
INT MOVIE THEATRE MEN’S ROOM - SAME
Greg enters to find a HIPSTER GUY at a URINAL talking on his
CELL. He doesn’t see Greg initially.
HIPSTER GUY
... and this fucking guy, I’m
telling you, looks like Jean Claude
Van Damme’s Hungarian uncle or some
shit. Or like John Travolta in Pulp
Fiction but dead and then
reanimated back to life. And he
wrote the thing, I mean...
113.
At which point, the Hipster Guy has gone to wash his hands.
And sees Greg standing next to him.
HIPSTER GUY
Oh shit.
He hangs up the phone, embarrassed.
HIPSTER GUY
Sorry man.
Greg thinks about this.
GREG
Don’t be.
(beat)
That guy up there. Zombie
Travolta... That guy just made a
fucking movie. What have you ever
done?
And with that Greg exits the bathroom.
CUT TO:
“Johnny” and “Mark” are throwing the football around in the
park. The scene is set to music so you cannot hear what the
guys are talking about, nor what precipitates “Johnny”
running up to “Mark” and tackling him. No one will ever know
this was a legitimate fight.
ANGLE ON GREG, who thinks he can feel Tommy’s eyes on him.
But when he looks over, Tommy is fixated on the screen.
CUT TO:
ANGLE ON SCREEN, “Johnny” being thrown a surprise birthday
party.
ANGLE ON GREG, who again looks over to Tommy. He sees him
wiping tears from his eyes.
And Greg realizes that this whole movie is Tommy Wiseau reconceiving
the narrative of his life. Instead of being alone
and unloved, here he is surrounded by friends and the woman
who (he thinks) loves him. He’s basically thrown himself a 6
million dollar birthday party.
Greg finds this pretty heartbreaking. CUT TO:
ANGLE ON SCREEN, “Johnny” decides to commit suicide. But
first he writhes on the ground, humps the RED DRESS, fumbles
with the GUN, and, only then, puts it in his mouth and pulls
the trigger.
Which leaves only a slight trickle of blood when “Mark” and
“Lisa” find him.
ANGLE ON the CROWD, no one quite sure what to make of these
final scenes.
114.
And when it comes to a close, with “Mark” walking out on
“Lisa” and then “Johnny” lying there dead - with “Denny” and
“Lisa” now also “Mark” again hovering above him - the final
FADE OUT is met with STUNNED SILENCE.
And then RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE.
Everyone goes crazy. A standing ovation in Tommy’s direction.
For a brief moment we’re not sure how he will react. Even HE
knows his Tennessee William’s style melodrama has not been
received in the way he envisioned.
After a long tense beat, a smile comes over his face. He
raises his arms over his head in triumph. The crowd’s
adulation only grows and Tommy revels in it, as if it was his
intention all along.
Meanwhile, Greg’s Mother is also on her feet. She kisses her
son on the cheek, having had a great time.
MRS. SESTERO
There are no words.
GREG
I know.
And then she realizes, in horror:
MRS. SESTERO
Is this going to be on your resume?
Greg turns in Tommy’s direction. He watches him enjoy the
moment, happy for him to have it. Tommy makes eye contact.
Removes his sunglasses. Nods meaningfully to Greg. Greg
smiles and nods back.
EXT LAEMMLE FAIRFAX - LATER
Everyone filing out of the theatre. Hugs all around. Juliette
and Carolyn, hug. Robyn and Scott and the rest of the cast
who, at that moment, probably don’t expect to see each other
many more times. Greg is there with his family.
They’re all getting into cars as Tommy exits the theatre.
TOMMY
Where’s everybody going? I have big
after party at Sky Bar.
They all look at each other.
ROBYN
Oh. I, uh, I’m supposed to meet
someone...
SCOTT HOLMES
I made plans across town...
Tommy wasn’t expecting this. He looks to the others:
115.
PHILIP HALDIMAN
Yeah I’ve gotta get up early for
work.
TOMMY
What? No. You must come...
Tommy tries to mask his hurt. He looks at Greg. Pleading with
his eyes. The old Greg would feel bad, probably be guilted
into joining him. But this time:
GREG
Sorry Tommy. I have an audition in
the morning.
And that stings. Tommy tries not to let it but it does.
GREG
Congratulations though. You really
did it, man.
Everyone echoes that sentiment as all of them join their
loved ones, get in their cars, go back to their lives,
leaving Tommy Wiseau on the street to watch them, standing in
the light of his marquee... Alone. CUT TO:
PAUL RUDD speaks directly into the CAMERA.
PAUL RUDD
Anyone can make a bad movie. This
is something else, something...
extraordinary.
CUT TO:
DAVID CROSS
It’s more than a movie. It’s an
experience, a triumph...
CUT TO:
JONAH HILL
At least 50 times. Maybe more.
CUT TO:
PAUL RUDD
It’s funny, weird, powerful...
CUT TO:
IKE BARINHOLTZ
I can’t wait to watch it with my
kids someday.
CUT TO:
116.
KRISTEN BELL
You just... you never forget it.
And if that’s not the point of
making art, then... I don’t really
know what is.
SUPER: The Room was released in one theatre on June 27, 2003.
Tommy paid to keep it there for two weeks - in an effort to
qualify for the Academy Awards.
Though exact figures remain confidential, its production
budget is alleged to have exceeded 6 million dollars.
It grossed $1,800 on its opening weekend.
FOOTAGE: SOLD OUT CROWDS TODAY ENJOYING “THE ROOM”
SUPER: It has since turned a profit.
FOOTAGE: Tommy’s YouTube channel. Greg talking to reporters.
Tommy giving an interview. Greg giving a lecture etc.
SUPER: Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero continue to write, act,
and produce - separately.
And, finally...
SUPER: They are best known for “The Room.”
117.