Necromancer Anon

>Princess Twilight Sparkle stands vigilant at the edge of Ponyville, a ragged group of militia fidgeting nearby
>For the past few days the peaceful town has been attacked daily by hordes of the undead
>Each day the attackers grew in number
>Thankfully no one had been hurt and there had been no damage done to the town
>It seemed almost odd that the untrained, poorly equipped militia hadn't suffered a single injury
>Well, any injuries from the undead, at least
>There'd been an embarrassing number of accidental, self-inflicted injuries
>Feather Cap had somehow managed to shoot himself in the flank with a bow and Lock Smith had dropped his sword and picked it up point first
>And then there was the case of Brandy Snap giving herself an accidental lobotomy
>That wasn't a coy way of saying she decapitated herself, she literally performed a lobotomy by accident
>The ponies at the hospital had been amazed at how clean and uninvasive the operation had been
>How Brandy could have be so precise with a battleaxe was anyone's guess
>"They're here! They're coming!" A voice squeaked from the armed mob
>Twilight scanned the horizon as the militia hastily formed ranks
>Sure enough, a band of the undead was cresting a hill
>Twilight frowned to herself as she did a quick head-count
>Thirty. That was more than yesterday
>What's more, as well as the undead (mostly skeletal) ponies, she could see a couple of manticores, one still with most of its flesh, and a smattering of other large, exotic creatures
>With a grim face, the princess took her place at the front of the militia
>If she was being honest with herself, it was hard to say what terrified her more; the shambling horde of the undead marching untiringly toward her, filled with hate, malice, a cruel disregard for life and, in several cases, maggots, or the fact she would have to be standing in the path of what she could only generously call Equestria's worst militia
>Either way, today was going to be one of those days
>After a brief skirmish, the undead forces had been reduced to an unmoving pile once more
>Twilight was pleased that Ponyville's militia hadn't suffered any fatalities
>Casualties, on the other hand...
>Well, at least no one had lost any limbs this time
>Something niggled at her mind though
>Despite their attacks, she'd yet to see the undead even try to attack anyone
>At most, they would sluggishly dodge or parry the odd spear, but for the most part they seemed to just be trying to push through the militia
>Whatever they were seeking, it didn't seem like they were attacking (or even paying much attention to) the militia
>Were they after the children? Safely tucked away in the castle along with as the ponies that hadn't fled?
>That would explain why they didn't seem interested in butchering the militia, which the undead certainly outclassed
>Not that that was high praise, a slippery slope could probably cause at least 50% fatalities
>No, there was something the skeletons and zombies were after
>And she wasn't going to rest until she found out what
>The only way to find out what was to find out what was causing these attacks
>After delegating a new commander for the militia, Twilight was ready to head out
>The undead had always been coming from the same direction, and it was trivial for a unicorn of her power to follow the magical trail left by the creatures
>Hopefully, she could find the source of the problem
>She just hoped she was ready for whatever evil being was sending out such vile constructs, and that she could survive such a monster's evil machinations
>With a shiver, the princess took to the sky

>Several miles away, a man sits on a stone throne, a pair of flickering torches casting a sickly glow over damp stone walls
>With a black pointy hat, black flowing robes and, presumably, a black heart to match, he awaits the return of his minions
>Sighing, he shifts uncomfortably in the hard chair
>He'd kill for a latte right now

>After just a couple of hours flight, Twilight found the source of the undead
>The trail led to a cosy looking cottage, its thatched roof hugging the structure tightly, a trapdoor to one side
>Flowers grew in the clearing around it and a few critters frolicked in the pasture
>This struck Twilight as being a little suspicious
>After a few checks, she was certain it wasn't a magical illusion
>It was just a nice cottage
>She landed to scope the place out
>What kind of evil necromancer would live here?
>As she sat in thought, there was a creaking, and the trapdoor slowly opened
>The princess felt sick to her stomach as some... some/thing/ dragged itself out, a sort of whimpering groan escaping its many mouths
>It looked like it was composed of a dozen creatures in varying states of decay, all melded together into some unholy abomination of flesh and bone
>The monster was at least twice as tall as her, and easily three times as wide
>After the last few days, she thought her stomach had been strengthened but this was more than she could handle
>It was as Twilight desperately tried to avoid retching that she noticed three things about the creature
>The first was that is had, perched atop one of its heads, a wide brimmed straw hat
>The second was that it was carrying a watering can
>The third was that what she'd first taken to be tormented screaming was, in fact, a dozen heads and faces trying to hum in tune
>Together, that information was enough to distract her from her breakfast's escape attempt
>She watched, in shock, as the abomination began to potter around the garden, watering plants as it went
>It then produced a pair of clippers from somewhere on its person, and began tending a rosebush, humming to itself all the while
>After about half an hour, the thing clambered to its many feet, and began to head back to the trapdoor
>On its way, a squirrel bounded over to it, and the creature stopped for a moment to pet it, before descending back into the cellar
>Twilight was stunned
>Either this was an incredibly elaborate ruse, or this place was actually pretty benign
>She shook her head
>No, this had to be some trick
>Death magic was the darkest of all magics. It had been outlawed for millennia!
>She watched for a while longer, but it became increasingly clear nothing was going to happen
>If she wanted to get to the bottom of this, she would have to approach the cottage, but doing so was undoubtedly dangerous
>No matter how peaceful the area looked it was inhabited by a necromancer, and there was no way she could ignore such danger
>What she really needed, Twilight decided, was more time
>Time to observe, time to think. Time to plan.
>"Hey there, are you ok?"
>Twilight jumped a foot in the air, certain she was about to be destroyed
>After not being obliterated by dark, forbidden magic she spun around
>An elderly earth pony stood just behind her
>The mare was wrinkled, her mane grey
>Twilight stared at her, bug eyed
>"What are you doing in the bush here?"
>The princess' mind spun
>How had this mare snuck up on her? Had she been so engrossed by the cottage that she'd failed to hear the old dear approaching? But most fundamentally, on a philosophical level, what WAS she doing in the bush?
>Caught off-guard, Twilight gave the newcomer a nervous grin
Oh, uh... hi! I was just...
>Her mind jumped into overdrive
Just admiring such a pretty garden!
>She watched the pony nervously, and gave a relived smile when the elderly mare grinned
>"It is such a lovely place. Lily does a great job, doesn't she?"
>Disarmed by the mare's friendliness, Twilight couldn't help but agree
Oh, the flowers are gorgeous. I've never seen this cottage before though...
>Twilight surreptitiously scanned the mare for any magic residue
>She didn't seem abnormal, beyond just being old
>"Oh, it was only built recently. Just a week ago, this was a graveyard, believe it or not!"
>Twilight cocked her head slightly
A graveyard?
>The mare nodded
>"That's right. It's much nicer now, and it's all thanks to Anon. He's such a lovely young stallion," the elderly pony frowned slightly "Well, a young whatever he is"
>Before Twilight could ask what the mare meant, she'd already been swept up by the pony
>"Oh, what am I saying? You can meet him yourself!"
>Twilight was being dragged toward the cottage by the enthusiastic mare
>This put Twilight in a very unfortunate position. On the one hand, she'd been taught to respect her elders, and this mare clearly fit the bill
>On the other hand, she wasn't comfortable being dragged into what was most likely a den of darkness and evil
>Her uncertainty proved to be her downfall, and before she knew it she'd been dragged to the door of the cottage, her protests falling on deaf ears
>The mare knocked on the door, and smiled warmly at Twilight as the pair waited in silence
I'm not sure this is such a good idea...
>Twilight scanned the area again quickly. There was no doubt about it, powerful magic had taken place here
>Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself
>She was a princess, damn it! This mare was in danger!
I think a necromancer lives here!
>The elderly mare blinked, and faced Twilight, her warm smile faltering slightly in confusion
We need to get out of here, and call the guard to-
>"Well, of course a necromancer lives here!"
>Now it was Twilight's turn to blink in dumb confusion
>"But just because Anon happens to be a necromancer doesn't mean he's a bad pony!"
He raises the dead from their slumber to do his evil bidding!
>"I'll have you know he donated most generously to the church restoration fund!"
>Twilight's mouth worked in silence
You live in the middle of the forest! No one lives here, but you and this "Anon", and I'm not even sure he lives at all! What church?!
>The mare nods
>"Exactly. We don't even have a church, which is why the restoration fund is so important."
>Before Twilight could respond, the cottage door swung open and a strange creature appeared at the door
>Wearing black ropes, the tall, pink ape descendant filled the doorway
>Twilight had steeled herself as best she could but the sight of such a monstrous creature startled her
>Worst of all was its magical aura. Black as sin, it roiled around the being, angry and restless, filled with such power that it made her head hurt
>It was all she could do not to flee instantly
>The other mare, meanwhile, met the man with a smile
>"Anon! How do you do today?"
>The man's face split into a toothy grin, sharp teeth crowding his powerful jaw
>"Much better now you've visited, Cherry Blossom! And I see you've brought a friend."
>The mare, Cherry Blossom, turned to Twilight
>"I found her admiring your garden. I'm afraid I didn't catch her name..."
>It took Twilight a moment to recognise the cue
Twilight
>She remembered herself, and drew herself up to her full height as she tried to recover
I-I'm princess Twilight Sparkle.
>The man's grin broadened
>"Wow! Imagine that, royalty visiting my humble home. Well, come on in you two."
>Anon stepped back to allow the two mares to enter, but Cherry shook her head
>"Not today I'm afraid, Anon. I was just stopping by to let you know I was having some trouble harvesting my trees."
>Anon held up his hand
>"Say no more, Cherry. I'll send over a few of my boys to help you out."
>The mare nodded to him
>"Oh, Anon. You're such a gentlecolt. I'd really best be off, but it's so kind of you to-"
>Anon silenced her with a wave
>"It's no problem at all, Cherry," he turned to Twilight as he still continued, "Did you want to come in, Twilight? I was just about to have some lunch if you wanted to join me."
>Twilight stared at him for a moment
>For an evil monster wielding the dark powers of death itself, he was pretty polite
>But this was a perfect opportunity to gather some information about him
Oh, it would be my pleasure.

>Twilight took in her surroundings
>She'd been led to a living room, a pair of couches arranged around a coffee table
>Every step of the way she'd be ready for some kind of ambush, for skeletons to pop out of the walls and tear her limb from limb
>In a sense, it was quite anticlimactic that nothing of the sort had happened
>Once she was sat down and comfortable, her host had left to get some tea
>While he was gone, she looked around the cosy room
>Even scrutinizing the living room was leaving her disappointed
>It wasn't like she wanted to see pentagrams on the floor or blood leaking from the walls or anything...
>Still, it would certainly be more in line with her expectations
>If she had to sum up the house in a word, it would be 'mundane'
>Sunlight streamed into the room through floral print curtains. It glinted off picture frames holding bright paintings of nature.
>Twilight noticed that there were some pictures of the man on the mantelpiece
>One showed him stood with two older humans and a slightly younger one (his parents and a brother, Twilight assumed)
>There were a couple of children at different ages, some in school uniforms, others playing or with their families
>They all shared a resemblance, and Twilight got the feeling she was looking at more pictures of Anon's family
>Another picture showed Anon beaming proudly in a graduation gown, a motarboard on his head. When she looked closely, Twilight noticed that the tassel on the hat ended with a little plastic skull. Also, his graduation scroll was in fact a bone covered with dark runes
>"Ah, my graduation picture"
>Twilight spun around, magic flaring up at the sudden noise, certain she was about to be attacked
>It was just Anon smiling , holding a tray with some teacups and a teapot
>Twilight dismissed the annihilation spell she was charging and smiled sheepishly
Oh. You have the tea.
>After surreptitiously magically scanning the tea for poison, Twilight gave it a sip
>Anon was sat opposite her, pouring his own tea
>Was this all some charade to hide his evil nature?
>She could sense the magic pouring off him. If he wasn't the necromancer, she'd eat her horn
>It dawned on her that this was the perfect opportunity for her to subtly find out some information
>She could use her carefully honed diplomacy skills to weasel information out of him
>Twilight would be the first to admit that she used to be a bit of a wallflower but over the last few years she'd learned so much about interacting with people
>No matter how guarded he was trying to be, she could talk his secrets out from him, she was sure of it
>The most pressing question on her mind was where this 'Anon' was from. She'd never heard of a creature like him, so the idea that there may be more of them hiding in the dark recesses of the world wasn't a pleasant thought
>Anon put the teapot down, and smiled at Twilight
>But how could she get to the topic of his past, of where he came from?
>"Well, Twilight, if you're anything like Cherry Blossom you've never seen a creature like me before. I bet you're wondering what I am and where I'm from."
>Twilight sat bolt upright
NO!
>She gave a nervous laugh. Had he just read her mind?
I was... I was just thinking of a funny joke I heard!
>That was something she'd heard ponies say before
>"Oh, a joke?"
>Twilight nodded
Yes.
>A moment passed in silence
>Anon looked uncertain
>"...and can I hear it?"
>Twilight shook her head
No. I'm more interested in learning where you came from.
>She felt proud with how delicately she'd approached the topic.
>"Uh, ok," Anon took a moment to compose himself, "Believe it or not, I'm not from this world at all!"
>Twilight cocked her head suspiciously
>"I'm actually from, I believe, a different reality!"
What!?
>Twilight got the feeling she wasn't going to enjoy this talk very much
>"That's right. I've been doing some checks, and this world is definitely the one I'm from"
>The man pointed at Twilight
>"Right there, for instance. Where I'm from, there aren't horse people."
>The man hesitates slightly
>"Well, we have centaurs I guess, but they don't count as people. They're animals at best... anyway, that must mean I'm in a different reality!"
>Twilight baulked
>Aside from the obviously illogical thought process, the idea that she was speaking to a being from another reality made her...
>She narrowed her eyes. Hold on.
>Was he just messing with her? Trying to hide his true origin behind a ridiculous story?
If you're from another reality, how did you end up here?
>The man waved his hands vaguely
>"Oh, magic I expect."
>Twilight resisted the urge to grind her teeth
What kind of magic?
>The man took a long sip of tea
>"I think it was probably tree magic."
>Twilight stared at him as he took another sip
>Tree magic?
>TREE MAGIC?
And what, exactly, is tree magic?
>The man looked at Twilight quizzically
>"You know, tree magic. Like the kind a tree wizard does."
>This line of questioning was going nowhere
>Twilight gulped some tea before she said something she might regret
>She decided to change her tack
So what exactly happened that sent you here?
>Anon scratched at his head beneath his pointy hat
>"Well, I have a friend who's a tree wizard, and he invited me to his house."
>Twilight decided to just accept this whole 'tree wizard' thing for the time being, and Anon continued
>"So I went to his house, and then I was here."
>The man looked at Twilight expectantly
>She stared at him
>This... this had to be a joke.
What do you mean you were here!?
>"Well, not /here/, here, but just a little further in the forest."
>Twilight must have looked confused, because Anon then helpfully added:
>"He lives in a tree, by the way."
What? Who lives in a tree?
>"My tree wizard friend."
>Twilight wasn't sure how she felt about all this
So... you're saying that you have a friend, who does 'tree magic'...
>Anon nodded
And that you went to his house...
>"Which was in a tree," Anon helpfully added
Which was in a tree. And then you were here. And that's it? That's the story of how you got here!?
>Anon nodded, a slight smile on his face
>"Yes, that's it. Anyway, now you know how I got here, do you think you could maybe see about-"
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU GOT HERE!
>Anon seemed slightly taken aback by the outburst
>"But..." his smile was replaced with a frown, "But you summarised it all so well! What's the problem? Is it that his house is in a tree?"
NO! I mean, maybe. Why does it matter where his house was?
>"Because if it wasn't in a tree, I wouldn't have been sent here by tree magic," Anon explained, patiently
And what exactly is tree magic?
>"It's magic to do with trees, you know? Like growing a tree, or making a tree... grow, or living in a tree or whatever."
>Twilight stared at the man in disbelief, and he fidgeted uncomfortably
>"Look, I was never really good at tree magic. If Marv was here he could explain it all to you, but he's not, so that'll have to do."
>Twilight held a hoof to her head
How does it take magic to live in a tree?
>Now it was Anon's turn to stare at Twilight in disbelief
>"How else would you live in a tree, without using magic? I mean, it's solid. I think if you carved it out, it would kill the tree. AND it wouldn't be very spacious."
>Realisation began to dawn on Twilight
Oh, so he lived actually INSIDE the tree?
>The man nodded
>"Yup. He had a whole palace in there. He just cast a spell, you stepped into the tree and instead of a face full of bark, you got taken to his home."
>Things were starting to make a little more sense to Twilight now
And when you stepped into his house, you ended up here instead?
>Anon nodded, and Twilight scrutinised him for any hint of dishonesty
>As far as she could tell, he was being honest
>Twilight relaxed marginally
>He was here by accident. It's not like he'd come through to invade their world
>But that didn't change the fact he was a necromancer, one of the darkest magics known to ponydom
>She would have to keep quizzing him
So... where you were from, what was it like?
>She would start off by finding a little more about his world, and then she could start to ask more personal questions about him
>Twilight wasn't leaving until she found out this man's motives. And got him to stop sending undead forces of darkness to Ponyville
>"Oh, it was pretty average. Nothing really exciting. We called our planet "Magic Planet", and we all do magic."
>Twilight cocked her head
You ALL do magic?
>The man nodded
>"Every single person is a magic user of some kind. Well, we are now."
What do you mean 'now'?
>"Hundreds of years ago, about a quarter of the population couldn't do magic. That all changed in the Great Wizard War"
>Twilight hoped this wasn't going were she thought it was
>"Well, it wasn't that great if you weren't a wizard. Pretty terrible, actually, since all non magic-users were all rounded up and executed."
>Yep, that was where she hoped it wasn't going
You... killed all the people who couldn't do magic?
>"Well, not me personally. It was before my time. Oh, we also fought some evil wizards, who were trying to stop us killing the normies."
Are you sure they were the evil ones, Anon?
>The man shook his head, smiling slightly
>"Well, they did turn out all right. They realised the error of their ways, and vanished all the non-magic users they were protecting"
>Anon rubbed his chin thoughtfully
>"It was amazing, since there were actually a lot more of the rebel wizards than we thought. Tens of times more."
>With a dismissive wave of his hand, he continued
>"Ah, nevermind. The important thing is that now, everyone's a wizard."
>Twilight stared at Anon as he finished his tale of genocide
>With a polite smile, he picked up the teapot
>"More tea?"
>Twilight didn't respond
>While he hadn't personally been involved, being pro-genocide wasn't something she thought she could condone. She decided the best course of action was to change the subject
Is necromancy common where you're from?
>Anon shrugged
>"It's not one of the rarer types of magic, no. It doesn't matter though, necromancers are always in high demand."
What do people need necromancers for?
>"Well, the undead are cheap labour. If you have a job that doesn't need a specialist wizard, a necromancer's the one to call. We also do mediation for families going through tough times."
Mediation?
>"Yeah. Lets say, for example, that granny Twilight passed away, but in her will forgot to mention who she wanted to give her diamond necklace to. What if all her children were fighting over who got the keepsake of their beloved matriarch? Well, all a necromancer has to do is bring granny back to life for ten minutes, and the whole thing's sorted out."
>Twilight felt relieved. At least he wasn't some warlord or something.
>"We can also bring back great thinkers. For example, there was a great philosopher I brought back a few times when people needed motivation."
>Twilight's mind went into overdrive. Great thinkers? Maybe she could get Anon to raise Starswirl for her!
What did this great philosopher say?
>"Well, the first couple of times he just said 'Sod off.'"
>Twilight sagged slightly
>"I think it was a metaphor for how we're quick to push away those who we really rely on. Those words helped a lot of people get through some difficult times."
>Twilight had some doubts about that
>"The third time I raised him, he said something along the lines of: 'Look here, you bastard, I don't appreciate being pulled away from paradise to talk to some idiot. Stop raising me from the dead.". I think he was just reinforcing what he'd said earlier, but also reminding us of how little we can really know."
Was that the last time you raised him?
>Anon shook his head
>"I tried raising him a couple more times but he wouldn't say anything. I wasn't sure why for a while, but then when I finally got it I felt pretty stupid"
>Well, Twilight thought, at least he wasn't /completely/ oblivious
>"Yes, it's clearly his way of telling me that I need to search for enlightenment on my own, that I can't just rely on the knowledge of others"
>Twilight suppressed a sigh. She was fairly certain that it wasn't what the philosopher was trying to tell him
>Another subject change was in order. She decided to try to learn more about his world's magic. It wasn't relevant, but she wasn't going to let such a great opportunity to learn about it pass her by
You mentioned something about specialist wizards earlier? What kind of specialities did they have?
>Anon poured himself another cup of tea
>"Well, the majority of us show aptitude for magic at about the age of ten, but there are those that don't show any until much later. Typically, the later your powers come, the stronger you are."
>Twilight wished she'd been taking notes. Would it be rude if she pulled out a pad of paper?
>"If someone hasn't shown any evidence of any powers by the age of twelve, they're considered a specialist, and they're taken away to specialists schools. It's a great honour. See, a mage like me can use all types of magic. Necromancy is just the one I have the most affinity for, but I could also do, say, elemental magic if I practised enough."
>Twilight nodded eagerly
>"A specialist, on the other hand, can only do one thing, but they do it incredibly well. What's more, a normal mage like me can't do any of the specialist branches, so they're always in high demand."
What sort of specialists are there?
>"Oh, there's plenty. There are metal-tube mages who use magical tools to do plumbing, metal-wire mages who use magical tools to do electrical wiring and agri-mages who use magical tools to grow crops for us all."
They just use the magical tools? But couldn't anyone do that?
>"Well, that's the amazing thing Twilight. The tools they use are only magical when they're used by a specialist, and only when a non-specialist isn't looking."
>Twilight frowned
Then how do you know the tools are magic?
>Anon looked at her, confused
>"If they weren't magic, how would they work? How could someone fit a toilet without using their metal-tube magic and their magic tools?"
>Twilight considered how best to reply, but Anon misunderstood her pause
>"Exactly. Anyway, not all specialists use tools. The combat mages, for instance, instead use magical sticks to beat up anyone who breaks the law."
Let me guess, these magical sticks are only magical when a non-specialist isn't looking?
>"That's right! It's the most amazing thing. What's more, they have an incredible ability to tell whether or not someone is telling the truth just by talking to them!"
>Twilight stared at Anon
>"They use their abilities to maintain law and order."
>Anon fidgeted uncomfortably
>"Then there are," he looked around uncomfortably, "the ones who use numbers"
They use numbers?
>"Yeah, the mathemagicians. It's a dark kind of magic, it's always creeped me out. They take numbers, then change them and twist them to get other numbers."
>Anon shuddered
>"It's just not natural. No one really knows what they do with their numbers, but everyone seems to think they're really important, and who am I to argue?"
>Twilight had to reassure herself that Anon wasn't making fun of her
What do you mean it's not natural? You're a necromancer, for goodness sake!
>"Yeah, but life and death are natural processes. I just rearrange the order a bit. But you tell me where fractions occurs in nature."
You raise corpses from the dead!
>"Yeah, but at least I ask them if they want to be brought back! Do you think mathemagicians ask their numbers whether they want to get changed?"
How does a corpse tell you whether it wants to be brought back or not?
>"Well... it doesn't. But it's the thought that counts."