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CRUNCHTIME

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Jul 18th, 2018
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  1. >Crunch time, it is fucking crunch time baby.
  2. >You’d spent the past month doing your best to procrastinate, and now the fruits of your stupidity had come knocking.
  3. >It’s the 30th of November, and you have five essays due tomorrow, so far today you’d only gotten three of them done.
  4. >You’re shirtless, tapping away at your computer, headphones on with Capital STEEZ spitting fire in your ears, one monitor with Word open and the other with your web browser.
  5. >Your shitty little broom closet of a dorm room had that special look to it, like a horde of neo-anarcho-spaghettimancers had been staking out a protest in it for weeks.
  6. >Beer bottles everywhere, in boxes and on the floor, hell your windowsill was lined with them.
  7. >Empty pizza boxes lurked behind your printer, tall empty energy drink cans of varying brands stood a pointless vigil on your desk.
  8. >The time was 3 AM.
  9. >And you were in the Zone.
  10. >Straight Nirvana, full on CHIM, typing up a 40 day storm to cleanse the world of lazy fucks.
  11. >Words flowed as easy as the Monster down your gullet and your heart beat in time with your fingers.
  12. >English essay on how John Milton related to Satan?
  13. >Donesies, you paste those last few references onto your bibliography with some zip, save the document, then close the window.
  14. “Time for some science.”
  15. >Word open again, new document.
  16. >You almost smile right then and there.
  17. >You can do this, just got Psychology to finish.
  18. >Another Monster down, you toss the can at your door and grab a new one out of your mini fridge.
  19. >And then it hits you.
  20. >Fucking headache.
  21. >You groan as the pain breaks in waves down your forehead.
  22. >Three days and no sleep makes Anonymous an unhealthy fucking wreck
  23. >Luckily you had the power of drugs on your side.
  24. >You grab the pill bottle by your lamp and pop a few extra strength acetaminophen tablets, down ‘em with more Monster.
  25.  
  26. >Something made you double take though.
  27. >A little fleck of white.
  28. >Right there on your hand.
  29. >As much as it hurt your head to do, you squint and look closer.
  30. >A single hair, just below the middle knuckle on your index, pure white, straight and short.
  31. “Wh- AH FUCK!”
  32. >All of a sudden the pain in your head intensifies, the waves become more and more frequent.
  33. >And then it’s constant, like a vile buzzing on the top of your skull.
  34. >You reach up there, out of pure instinct.
  35. >Nubs.
  36. >There’s fucking nubs on your skull.
  37. >Before you can push another thought through, a burning starts up all over your skin.
  38. >Hands back down, you watch in shock as that single white hair becomes three, then nine, then twenty seven.
  39. “It’s… Fur. Haaaahaha.”
  40. >Well that’s it right then, fucking sleep deprivation has driven you completely nuts.
  41. >You just giggle and drool as the white coat of fur spreads across your whole body, up your arms and down your chest.
  42. >There’s no pain anymore, you’ve completely disassociated.
  43. >Idly, you put your hands back up to your head again, feeling the nubs there grow and fan out like fleshy flowers.
  44. >That gets a pretty good chuckle out of you, so does your hair, as you watch it grow down into view over your eyes.
  45. >You blink and it turns blonde.
  46. “Yeeeeeaaaaaahhh.”
  47. >There’s a weird tingly feeling in your ears, and then there isn’t, because they aren’t there anymore.
  48. >For a moment you can’t hear anything, your headphones just slide right off of your head.
  49. >Then it all comes back in a rush, computer whirring, fridge droning, and the guy next door whispering dirty talk over Skype to his girlfriend in Brazil.
  50. >Huh.
  51.  
  52. >You can feel your face shifting now, jaw sliding like some demented dentist had just said: “Fuck it. Give this guy caveman tier overbite.”
  53. >A snout inched its way into your view, white as snow, round and boopable.
  54. >Eyes crossed, you stared down at it and laughed.
  55. “Hello there, my name is Anonymous. I’m an aspiring crazy person.”
  56. >Just then you noticed that your legs had been shrinking for a while now, your pants and underwear had slipped right off of you.
  57. >Your legs just sort of folded up, bending and coming up way short of the floor.
  58. >As an afterthought, you pushed yourself away from your desk before sliding out of your chair and onto the floor, to pay company to your stacks of empty beer bottles.
  59. >Fear was starting to overcome your initial disbelief now, your giggles turned into shivering pants.
  60. >You watched your hands and feet melt and meld, fingers and toes pressing together.
  61. >You could feel them harden up, lock up as your joints shifted.
  62. >Shaking with pain and terror, you felt a push from your tailbone.
  63. >Not on it.
  64. >Out from it.
  65. >Snaps like knuckles cracking, clicking and then a quiet whoosh.
  66. >You stared at your new tail, blonde as your mane.
  67. >Because that’s what it your hair was now, a mane.
  68. >And you had hooves.
  69. “Huuuuuu…”
  70. >You closed your eyes and hummed, trying to drown out all the sounds your body was making as it transfigured itself into… a…
  71. “C-can’t even… Haaahhh…”
  72. >But you couldn’t stop listening, your new ears were far sharper than the old ones.
  73. >The cacophony seemed to last forever, snaps and cracks, squelches and shlicks.
  74. >Weird and foreign feelings worked their way over and inside your body, your spine pushing against itself and shrinking down, your hips pushing out and filling out with flesh.
  75. >Right then you felt a hell of a tingle.
  76. >The sort of tingle that grabbed you right by the fucking balls and stuffed those balls back into you.
  77.  
  78. >Your eyes snapped open, you lifted a leg and stared at your most prized magic stick, now standing alone sans crystal balls.
  79. >Your nether arcane catalyst was squirming.
  80. >And not with magic.
  81. >With a loud SCHLOP, it sucked back into you.
  82. >All the oxygen in your lungs seemed to be sucked out with it.
  83. >You could FEEL an emptiness down there now, growing in size and shaping itself.
  84. >A burn started to build up right there, and you watched in awe as your flesh parted and formed a sensual opening.
  85. >You weren’t packing a wizard’s staff and jewels now.
  86. >You’d just gotten yourself a Pocket of Major Holding.
  87. >Warlock Dungeon.
  88. >…
  89. >You had a fucking vagina.
  90. “Welp.”
  91. >…
  92. >Somehow you knew it was over.
  93. >Your body had finally finished changing.
  94. >Your mind shifted into a neutral, purgatory like state of denial.
  95. >Legs shaking, you forced yourself to stand up and walk over to your mirror, step by agonizing step, hooves clacking against the linoleum.
  96. >A pony stared back at you, bright blue eyes with little dark circles under them.
  97. >Which looked adorable really, with this new body it looked less like you’d denied yourself any sleep for days at a time and more like you missed your afternoon nap.
  98. >Long blonde mane, blonde tail.
  99. >White fur.
  100. >You flopped your new ears around.
  101. >Up.
  102. >Down.
  103. >Up.
  104. >Down.
  105. >Sideways?
  106. >Sort of…
  107.  
  108. >It took a few false starts to get yourself to turn on the spot with all four hooves going wherever the fuck.
  109. >From what you could tell you were just shy of three feet tall.
  110. >Also there was a fucking tattoo on your butt?
  111. >What.
  112. >It was a keyboard, broken in half.
  113. >…
  114. >Sane people, in moments like this, scream and flip their shit.
  115. >They whoop and holler and cry till they figure this shit out and rationalize what just happened to them.
  116. “Oh FUCK.”
  117. >Panic gripped you.
  118. “OH FUCK!”
  119. >Thoughts flitted through your brain, faster than you could catch them.
  120. >Then one stuck.
  121. “MY FUCKING ESSAY.
  122. >You don’t have time to be a sane person.
  123.  
  124. >Every step is a trial and a half, but you manage to get back to your desk.
  125. >You crawl your way back into your seat and push your mouse with a fore hoof to wake your computer up.
  126. >As it loads up, you reach for your can of Monster.
  127. >And only manage to push it away.
  128. “Fuck.”
  129. >You don’t even notice how adorable your cursing is.
  130. >You try to grab a bowl from the shelf next to you with your hooves.
  131. >And fail.
  132. >Sighing, you pick it up with your mouth and set it down next to your energy drink.
  133. >Delicately, you use both hooves to press on the sides of your can of Monster.
  134. “Nice… and easy…”
  135. >You tilt the can over, slow and sure, pouring its contents into your bowl.
  136. >Eventually you get it all out.
  137. >Grunt, bite and toss away the can.
  138. >You drink up some Monster and get back to business.
  139. “Alright.”
  140. >You dive straight into it, typing fluent and precise as always…
  141. >Actually you just bump your dumb hooves on the keyboard ineffectually and somehow you manage to close Microsoft Word.
  142. >Your hooves are so dumb that you’d get more done just staring at your computer monitor all night.
  143. >You try again with your hooves, this time being much more conscious of how you move them, trying only to press with the edges of them.
  144. >To no avail.
  145. >With both hooves working in tandem, all you manage to do is get your mouse over the Microsoft Word desktop icon.
  146. >You can’t even start it up since it takes two quick clicks.
  147. “God. Damn. It.”
  148. >Your ears flop down and you scrunch up your muzzle, frustrated gaze flicking to things around you, trying to find a solution.
  149.  
  150. “Right in my face…”
  151. >You try to click your mouse with your snout.
  152. >Down, up, down, as fast as you can manage.
  153. >Failure.
  154. >…
  155. >With both hooves pressed firmly against the sides of your mouse, you reposition your cursor.
  156. >Down, up, down.
  157. >Failure.
  158. >REPOSITION.
  159. >DOWN. UP. DOWN.
  160. >Nothing.
  161. “FUCK! ME! PLEASE!”
  162. >”How about I stuff my cock in your mouth and shut you the fuck up!?”
  163. >It’s the guy in the room straight across from yours.
  164. >You twist your head around and stare angrily at the door.
  165. “HOW ABOUT I FUCKING PUNCH YOUR TRACHEA OUT THROUGH YOUR ASSHOLE?!”
  166. >The asshole just laughs.
  167. >It’s difficult to be threatening when you sound like a cartoon character.
  168. >Still incensed, you stick your head into the basket of school supplies you keep by your desk and start rummaging through it.
  169. >You bit down on a roll of duct tape and spit it out onto your desk, tasted terrible.
  170. >Back down and you snatch up a few pens.
  171. >You grab a pen and hold it against your right hoof with your left, letting it stick out a ways.
  172. >With your mouth, you grab the dangling edge of duct tape and pull, holding the roll down with your shoulder.
  173. >It’s tough going, but you get a good length of tape going.
  174. >You gnash your teeth where the strip meets roll.
  175. >On the bright side, you do manage to tear the length of tape off, but you also get it all tangled in the fur on your neck.
  176. >You drop everything and hop off of your chair.
  177.  
  178. >Gently, you bite down on the duct tape and pull.
  179. “Ow! Shit!”
  180. >For a moment you’re fine, mad but determined.
  181. >You stare at the duct tape, growl at it even, and you pull again.
  182. “Ah!”
  183. >Then you melt.
  184. >Tears start to well up, dripping down your muzzle and onto the floor.
  185. >You sniff and you sob, and then you wail quietly.
  186. >It was too much.
  187. “I’m soOoOhohooh *sniff* fucked.”
  188. >Your legs buckle and you fall over, a gibbering mess on your floor.
  189. >Mind blank, you just curl up and cry.
  190. >You shiver, the floor isn’t really all that warm.
  191. >You stretch your neck out and bite down on a trailing corner of the fleece blanket on your bed.
  192. >With a tug, you bring it tumbling all over you, instantly making you feel much more comfortable.
  193. >It takes some squirming, but you get it underneath you too, get yourself all wrapped up and warm.
  194. >Idly you pick at a loose fiber with your hoof, watching your tears make wet spots on the fleece.
  195. >You abandon your fortress of Blanketude for a moment, and grab your bowlful of Monster, then set it down beside you.
  196. >Back into the blanket, but with copious amounts of caffeine to keep you company now.
  197. >You drink it up, tears slowing, sobs coming in sparser.
  198. >Eventually, you calm down and lay there in peace, committed to just going to sleep and hoping you can get this stuff figured out proper in the morning.
  199. >No stupid, spur of the moment decisions.
  200. >…
  201. “Wait…”
  202. >Something started to build in your chest, and it wasn’t your blood pressure after all that caffeine.
  203. >It was elation.
  204. >You grin wide and jump up.
  205.  
  206. “I’m a goddamn idiot. But hot damn if I’m not the smartest one around.”
  207. >As quick as you can, you run over to your door and bite your doorknob, twist and pull.
  208. >Out the door and down the hall you go.
  209. >You’re used to your four legs now, so you’re trotting easy.
  210. >It’s only half way down the hallway that you remember that you’re a tiny fucking horse.
  211. >And now you’re on edge, eyeing every door you trot past, the bright lights overhead seem almost too bright.
  212. >White walls, white tile floors and off white walls.
  213. >What would someone do if they saw you?
  214. >Run? Freak out? Try to nab you?
  215. >You sigh and collect yourself, gather up some fuckin’ balls.
  216. >Focus on what you have to do, not what “might happen”.
  217. >Get to Chad’s room.
  218. >Talk to Chad.
  219. >Get his help.
  220. >Chad was bro numéro uno, dude had been your friend since middle school.
  221. >If there was anyone that would both believe you, and help you, it was Chad.
  222. “Ah, woops.”
  223. >You stop and turn around, you’d walked right past Chad’s door.
  224. >You check your surroundings, then you knock.
  225. >”No one here.”
  226. >Goddamnit Chad you’re the worst fucking friend.
  227. >You knock again, harder this time, hooves make an awful lot of noise.
  228. >”No one here.”
  229. “Really?”
  230. >”I don’t see anyone out there, so there’s no one in here. You fucking ghost, you can’t steal my soul”
  231. “Chad it’s Anon.”
  232. >”Shut up. Skinstealer.”
  233.  
  234. >You roll your eyes and knock AGAIN.
  235. “Chad open up bro I need help.”
  236. >”No one out there, no one in here.”
  237. >You’re about to slam your hoof into the door, when you spot something.
  238. >Peephole.
  239. >There’s a peephole on every dorm room door for people to see who’s knocking.
  240. >Chad can’t see anyone at the door, so he must figure it’s someone trying to get the jump on him.
  241. “Paranoid fucker…”
  242. >”What was that?”
  243. “I said keep looking through that peephole!”
  244. >”I don’t like taking orders from phantoms. But I have time to spare.”
  245. >Now…
  246. >How to actually reach it.
  247. >You tried getting up on your hind legs, but no dice, you couldn’t reach.
  248. >Either you weren’t completely used to your legs, or white mares couldn’t jump, because as hard as you tried you couldn’t get within sight of the peephole that way.
  249. >…
  250. “Aha.”
  251. >You back away from the door as far as possible, butt pressed up on the door opposite it.
  252. >Toss the peephole your best smile.
  253. “You going to let me in now Chad?”
  254. >”I’m not sure what sort of ruse this is supposed to be, evil invisible door spirit, and I haven’t had any of your kind try anything quite like it on me. But I assure you I won’t be falling for it.”
  255. >Shit.
  256. >Plan B.
  257. “I’ll be back Chad.”
  258. >”I can’t hear you over the line of salt I’m pouring out in front of the door.”
  259. >You trot on down the hallway, fearful again, now that you’re away from Chad’s paranoid but comforting presence.
  260.  
  261. >It felt like all the peepholes were staring at you, even though you knew you were too short for anybody behind them to actually see you.
  262. >Finally you hit the end, take a right straight into the floor lounge.
  263. >It’s still a fucking mess from the weekend, take out boxes and empty red solo cups all over the place.
  264. >There’s a day old beer spill in the middle of the floor and the pile of stolen things behind the couch has gained a car door, signed by everyone in the dorm.
  265. “Chairs…”
  266. >None in sight.
  267. >You check under the ping pong table.
  268. >Just chair legs and seats all snapped in half.
  269. >You sigh and rub your head with a hoof.
  270. “Probably all stolen for the week.”
  271. >People seemed to like breaking the chairs on the weekends and then stealing any of the survivors come Monday.
  272. >What to do…
  273. >Stepping stool.
  274. >Smiling, you trot over into the separate sink and microwave anteroom.
  275. >You open up the sink cabinet with your mouth and peer inside.
  276. >Right at the back, past all the cleaning supplies and plumbing you can see it, a stepping stool, white plastic gleaming.
  277. >Crouching down, you reach in with a fore hoof, but it comes up just short.
  278. “Hm.”
  279. >You shrug and crawl inside the cabinet.
  280. >It’s a tight fit, even for you, but you just push everything aside with your snout.
  281. >A bit of squirming and you’re past the pipes.
  282. >You clamp down on the stepping stools’ carrying handle and start your way back out, tossing up an awful racket banging the stool against everything.
  283. >Finally you get out, not too much worse for wear, maybe a scrape here and there.
  284. “Goph hya.”
  285. >You grin and drag the stepping stool back to Chad’s door.
  286.  
  287. >You drop it and push it upright, then you hop on and stand on your hind legs.
  288. “Perfect.”
  289. >Your face is finally up to the peephole.
  290. >You knock.
  291. “Chad. It’s Anonymous.”
  292. >There’s a bit of scuffling behind the door.
  293. >”Hello.”
  294. “Dude I’m a horse. Let me in.”
  295. >”Alright.”
  296. >You step down off your stool and get it out of the way.
  297. >And now you wait, listening to all the mechanical clicks and clacks, the sound of chains tinkling.
  298. >Chad had about ten locks installed on his door, last you’d checked.
  299. >He’d gotten away with it with a doctor’s order or something.
  300. “Paranoid fucker…”
  301. >The door swung open, and there stood Chad in his silk bathrobe, smoking a cigarette.
  302. >He’d always been a handsome fucker, but he became a walking redpill around girls and wound up scaring them off.
  303. >”Come on in.”
  304. >You clip clop your way inside, stepping over the line of salt on the threshold.
  305. >Chad closes and starts locking his door behind you.
  306. >Immediately you can smell garlic and olive oil.
  307. >Chad has his burner out, and from what you can see, he’s been frying up a storm.
  308. >Steak, mushrooms, onions, garlic.
  309. >He’d always been a damn good cook.
  310. >”So what’s up anyway?”
  311. >Chad takes his place at the burner, keeping an eye on the food, expression neutral.
  312. >You hop up on his bed and lay down.
  313. “I got turned into a horse.”
  314. >Looking mildly surprised now, Chad finally stares at you proper.
  315.  
  316. >”So you weren’t talking out of your ass when you said you’re Anon huh? How do I know you’re not a filthy commie pony out to steal my secrets huh?”
  317. “Why the fuck would you let me in if you thought that?”
  318. >Chad laughs, takes one last puff off of his cigarette and puts it out in his coffee mug.
  319. >You realize he has all his huge ass kitchen knives out on his desk.
  320. >”I’ve got protection. Three questions. Answer them right and I’ll believe you.”
  321. >Not wanting to get stabbed today, you sit up.
  322. “Go.”
  323. >Another laugh, Chad tosses the meat in his pan around a little, then adds some more olive oil.
  324. >”How many candy corns did I give you in the Halloween of ’01?”
  325. “Four.”
  326. >He nods approvingly, eyes still on the pan.
  327. >”What time is it?”
  328. “It’s always thirteen thirty in here.”
  329. >Chad frowns, and for a second you’re nervous, but then he smiles and shuts his burner off.
  330. >He spins around, pan in hand, and sets everything out onto a big platter.
  331. >Like you’d smelt, steak, onions, mushrooms and olive oil.
  332. >With that bit of garlic too of course.
  333. >Chad takes up the platter and sets it on his desk, then he eases himself into his chair.
  334. >”Last one.”
  335. >He raises a knife and fork and cuts himself a piece of steak, glistening juices flow from it.
  336. >You can see the tender pink in the center of the meat.
  337. >You twitch and realize you’re drooling all down yourself.
  338. >Chad points at your neck with his fork, brow furrowed.
  339. >”You need help getting rid of that duct tape or something, Anon?”
  340.  
  341. “What?”
  342. >You shake your head, away from the meat, back to Chad’s meat.
  343. >…
  344. >Back to reality.
  345. >Wiping the drool from yourself, you peer down at the duct tape still tangled up in your fur.
  346. >It was a hell of a mess.
  347. “Sorry about that, I was distracted by your meat. It’d be good to get this out yeah.”
  348. >Chad nods and swallows a forkful of his steak.
  349. >”It’s real juicy. Here, follow me.”
  350. >You hop down off of the bed and Chad gets up out of his seat.
  351. >Humming Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin, Chad casually grabs a bottle of olive oil, some shampoo, and a towel.
  352. >You follow Chad outside his room and across the hall to the bathroom a few doors down.
  353. >He opens the door for you and you trot in, all business.
  354. >”Can you get up to the sink?”
  355. “Easy.”
  356. >Fore legs up, hooves on sink.
  357. >Chad pops the cork off of his olive oil bottle, sets his shampoo down and hangs the towel he brought up on the door.
  358. >”Lean in a bit, over the sink. This is high quality stuff and I don’t want to waste a bunch of it on the floor.”
  359. >You oblige, sticking your neck out as far as you can.
  360. >”Naw not quite.”
  361. >Sighing, you drop back down.
  362. “Just pick me up then, and hold me over it.”
  363. >”I’d say no homo but I don’t have sex with possible ghost affiliates anyway.”
  364. >Before you can ask him what the fuck that’s supposed to mean, Chad’s hands wrap around your barrel and he takes you up in the crook of his arm.
  365. >You can’t help but notice that you kick your hooves a little out of some new instinct.
  366. >Chad hefts you up so that he can get you over the sink properly.
  367.  
  368. >You peer up at him as he pours the olive oil out onto the duct tape and your fur.
  369. “How is this supposed to work anyway? Why the olive oil?”
  370. >”Olive oil works on everything, except things that would be better done with butter, and butter doesn’t work on tape.”
  371. “Are you fucking high right now?”
  372. >Chad just rubs in the oil, working away at the adhesive bit by bit, getting all the sticky parts cleaned free.
  373. >Eventually he just takes the tape off, with no resistance at all.
  374. “Well shit. Consider my words eaten.”
  375. >Chad leans over, with you still in his arm, and picks up the bottle of shampoo.
  376. >Back over the sink again, you get the idea and twist the faucet handles on with your mouth, getting a nice even and warm stream of water going.
  377. >Without warning he dunks you under it, and you’re gasping, mane and neck instantly soaked.
  378. “Dude come on now.”
  379. >”Sorry I thought you were expecting it, here.”
  380. >Chad reaches down and pushes your sopping wet mane out of your eyes.
  381. >You try not to shake, but you wind up doing it anyway, mane flipping everywhere and ears flopping around.
  382. “Shit, soAHCHOO. *sniff* I’m sorry man.”
  383. >”It’s fine, this is my cheap bathrobe anyway.”
  384. >As you sniff and snort at the water getting in your snout, Chad lathers up your mane and neck with the shampoo.
  385. >Feels…
  386. >Good.
  387. >Although you’d never actually say it.
  388. >The smell was nice too, like strawberries.
  389. >It felt especially good when he rubbed around your ears.
  390. >”You okay? You’re snorting an awful lot.”
  391. “It’s fuh *snort* It’s fine. Juhs… *snort* Just instinct. Fording the rrrr… *snort* river and all that.”
  392. >Chad dunked your head back under, rubbing and washing away all the suds.
  393.  
  394. >You kept your eyes shut and snorted extra hard to keep the shampoo out.
  395. >With a flick of your head, you got your mane swept behind your head.
  396. >Chad set you down easy, and again you kicked, right till you were firmly on the ground.
  397. >”You’re pretty cute for a xeno.”
  398. “And you’re a fucking heretic. Toss me that towel.”
  399. >Chad obliged, lighting up a cigarette as he watched you struggle awkwardly to dry your mane.
  400. >It was hard to really rub in the towel with nothing but your hooves.
  401. >”Here.”
  402. >Chad knelt down and took the towel.
  403. >Quick and efficient, he got your mane nice and dry.
  404. “Thanks.”
  405.  
  406. >You smile and nod at Chad, felt nice to finally have that duct tape off.
  407. “Seriously, thanks man.”
  408. >Chad just waves it off.
  409. >”It’s no big deal. Anything to help out a bro.”
  410. >While you turn the faucet off, Chad gathers up his things.
  411. >You’re prancing all the way back to his room, feeling nice and clean.
  412. >Good shower vibes.
  413. >Chad seems a little muted though.
  414. >He sits down at his desk without a word, while you hop up on his bed.
  415. >Shit was comfy man, fleece on fur.
  416. >Warm and cozy.
  417. >Like really warm, it felt a little weird actually, your muscles were tingling a bit.
  418. >”Possible evil spirit influence aside, you should seriously get some sleep Anon. This is what? Day three you’ve been awake? And it’s 5:05 AM outside.”
  419. >He tosses you a brush, and you catch it with your mouth.
  420. >You give your mane a few hard, even brushes before tossing it back to him and quipping.
  421. “You’re no better. What the fuck are you even doing cooking shit this late at night?”
  422. >Chad leans back in his chair and brings his cig up for another puff.
  423. >You can see his hand shake a little when he does it.
  424. >”Its Mushroom Monday dude.”
  425. “Oh.”
  426. >…
  427. >Chad smokes on, you stare at your hooves, watching them clip and clop against each other.
  428. >Idly, you flit your still damp mane around, trying to get it to drape just right.
  429. “Are you okay Chad? You’re super… quiet.”
  430. >He doesn’t answer right away, instead he takes one last drag off his cigarette before dumping it in his coffee mug with all the others.
  431. >Immediately he grabs another cig from his pack, lights it up.
  432. >His face is straight, but you recognize it.
  433.  
  434. >It’s the same one Chad uses when he plays poker.
  435. >His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
  436. “Dude, holy shit. You need a beer or something?”
  437. >”I’m just a little freaked out to be honest. I mean fuck. I don’t know if you’re like…”
  438. >You begin to seriously consider the possibility that Chad is high as a kite right now.
  439. “Yeah?”
  440. >Chad shakes his head and takes a puff.
  441. >”I don’t know if you’re an unwitting agent of the NWO or maybe just a victim of the Masons. If I help you I could be advancing the regressive agenda and if I don’t I might just be undermining my own resistance efforts against the puppet government in Israel.”
  442. >Chad leans forward, staring at you as though to beg you to give him some sort of answer.
  443. >What the fuck.
  444. >You’d forgotten how much of a paranoid, red pilled motherfucker Chad is.
  445. >No.
  446. >Wait.
  447. >You hadn’t forgotten.
  448. >It’s just that he hardly ever acted like it around you.
  449. >It was only when he…
  450. >Was around girls.
  451. >…
  452. “What the fuck. Dude it’s me here. Anonymous. I may look like a pretty white pony, I may BE a pretty white pony. But it’s still me. Anonymous. I’m not a girl.”
  453. >”Man do you hear your voice right now? Say fuck. Do it.”
  454. “Fuck.”
  455. >”See, that shit is adorable. Which is right up the NWO’s alley. That is exactly the sort of disguise they’d put on an agent of theirs, cute, outwardly harmless. You could be sending this entire conversation straight to them through extraneural interfacing and I wouldn’t even be able to tell.”
  456. >You roll your eyes and slam a hoof down in frustration.
  457. “Chad. You’re fucking retarded. Is that why you do this shit to girls? We’ve already gone over my identity. I AM Anonymous. You asked your questions, you KNOW it’s me. I’ve just been… Changed or whatever.”
  458.  
  459. >Chad shakes his head.
  460. >”See, that’s my point. You’ve been changed. By who? For what? How far do the changes go? How are you not scared shitless right now?”
  461. “I don’t have time to be scared. I need to finish my Psych essay. Could you help me with that by the way?”
  462. >You wave your fore hooves around.
  463. “I’m having some issues typing.”
  464. >Chad grabs himself a beer.
  465. >”And you call me retarded.”
  466. >Chad starts digging around in his desk, still talking.
  467. >”You are literally a pony. A little pony with a cute little mane that’s all clean but adorably unkempt. Soft white fur… And a tail. Goddamn it the swishy little tail…”
  468. >He tosses you a pen.
  469. >”And then there’s your snout, fucking small and rounded and adorable. Especially when you scr-“
  470. >You furrow your brows and scrunch your muzzle, starting to realize just what’s going on.
  471. >Chad points and hollers.
  472. >”Like THAT! Just like that, when you scrunch it up. Not to mention your voice, feminine but teensy.”
  473. >He throws you another pen and a pair of Velcro straps.
  474. >Getting up and walking over to you, Chad shakes his head.
  475. >”And an itty bitty flank with a cartoonish mark of a broken keyboard on it like your talent is being shit at typing with your little hooves or something. You’re fucking adorable. You are now a pony, likely due to reptilian interference, and your top priority is to finish your fucking Psych essay.”
  476. >And then he starts strapping the pens to your hooves.
  477. >Not another word.
  478. >That weird tingly feeling from before is back, and the warmth too.
  479. >You ignore it, and look up at him in disbelief.
  480. “Are you crushing on me right now?”
  481. >”J-just because I find you cute doesn’t mean I’ve fallen for this obvious trap put together by the Illuminati. You understand, right?”
  482. >Chad is trying his hardest not to look at you at all right now.
  483. >Fucking what.
  484.  
  485. >Fucking.
  486. >What.
  487. “Chad.”
  488. >Nothing, but he fumbles a little bit with the Velcro.
  489. “Chad!”
  490. >”Yeah what’s up.”
  491. “Are you seriously crushing on me right now?”
  492. >”Of course not. What w-would make you think that?”
  493. >You sigh and smack your tail against the bed, frustrated and a little weirded out.
  494. “That long ass fucking rant about me being cute maybe? Or maybe the fact that all of a sudden you’re stuttering like an idiot all the while you sputter out the NWO conspiracy tier shit you usually only spout when you’re around a girl you like?”
  495. >”If I tell you that I have to return some videotapes, will you leave me alone?”
  496. >As much as you wanted to deny it, you were seeing Chad in a new light.
  497. >Hell, your whole outlook on the world was shifting here.
  498. >Chad wasn’t just some friend, just some guy you knew.
  499. >He was also a GUY.
  500. >Like, a man, a male.
  501. >And you weren’t anymore.
  502. >And what the fuck was that tingly shit.
  503. >Seriously, it was like someone was playing with electrodes on your butt.
  504. “Just strap these fucking pens to me and hand me your laptop so I can write up my essay.”
  505.  
  506. >Chad obliged, pulling the straps taught so that the pens wouldn’t slip.
  507. >You tested the fit by poking the bed a few times while Chad got his laptop off of his desk and passed it over to you.
  508. “Thank you.”
  509. >Chad nodded, then booted up all the programs you’d need.
  510. “Windows 10?”
  511. >”It’s my burner PC.”
  512. “Oh.”
  513. >Word up and running, Chad backed away and took a seat in his chair while you worked.
  514. >The next few hours passed pretty quietly, you’d turned on some ambient instrumental tunes to help you work, but that was pretty much it.
  515. >Chad just tip tapped away on his real computer and sucked down some beer, shitposting on 4chan from what you could tell.
  516. >You were hitting the Zone again, sans caffeine this time, all mellow word flow vibes.
  517. >Shit was pretty comfy, working with a bro in the room, laying on that fluffy blanket.
  518. >Hell, you were starting to get pretty quick typing with the pens.
  519. >Paragraphs zoomed by, graphs practically built themselves and you were turning phrases on a dime.
  520. >”You want a drink Anon?”
  521. “Huh?”
  522. >You looked up from your work.
  523. >Chad was holding out a steaming mug of hot chocolate.
  524. >He had a hoodie and a pair of jeans on now, along with some warm socks.
  525. >”Dunno if you’re cold or not?..”
  526. >Chad pointed to the window.
  527. >Wow that was a hell of a storm.
  528. >Snow whipped past the glass, down and down into the ever growing drifts of it that were gathered on the campus square below.
  529. >The sun was just barely rising, considering how much light there was.
  530. >You shivered a bit, your fur was standing up.
  531. “Yeah, I guess I just didn’t notice. Thanks.”
  532.  
  533. >Chad started to hand you the mug, but then he realized the spilling potential.
  534. >”You don’t mind if I put this in a bowl, do you? Does that even count as racism?”
  535. “Naw I don’t mind man, I did the same with my Monster when I was still in my room.”
  536. >”Alright.”
  537. >You rubbed your hooves together and moved around a bit to try to get the chill out.
  538. >Your fur kept some of it out, but it wasn’t quite adequate.
  539. “Here.”
  540. >Chad set the bowl of hot chocolate beside you.
  541. “Thanks.”
  542. >You took a few sips of it.
  543. >Ahh, it went down nice and smooth too.
  544. >Like liquid warmth flowing down your neck and all through your barrel.
  545. >And then there was a different sort of warmth.
  546. >Right up your crotch.
  547. >Your butt tingled and practically started tossing sparks.
  548. >You started to drool a little.
  549. “F-fuh. Fuck.”
  550. >Mother Nature herself had you in her arms.
  551. >Cradling you, singing softly.
  552. >Peace pervaded, it was a feeling of newness and kindness.
  553. >It was the kind of feeling one would get from a mother.
  554. >She brought your head up to hear her, to listen and learn from her.
  555. >Smiling, she put her mouth right against your ear.
  556. >AND SHE FUCKING SCREAMED.
  557. >”YOOOOOOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX NOOOOOW! RIGHT FUCKING NOW! DO! IT!”
  558. >”Are you alright Anon? You’re sweating bro.”
  559. >And there was Chad, looking at you, brow furrowed.
  560. >Fucking Chad.
  561. >Fuck Chad.
  562.  
  563. >NO.
  564. “I-I’m fine...”
  565. >”Dude holy shit you’re bleeding. Get up man.”
  566. “What?”
  567. >You stand up.
  568. >Chad wasn’t lying, there was blood all over the blanket where you’d been laying down.
  569. “Fuck I- AH.”
  570. >That fucking burn, that desire.
  571. >It was like you had a week old fucking hunger.
  572. >For dick.
  573. >Your snatch felt like it was being pressed against a red hot iron bar.
  574. “I’m sorry man, I, ahh, I didn’t mean to get your buh-blanketallmessedupandimsorry.”
  575. >You shivered and kept on trying to stutter out apologies.
  576. >Chad just looked worried, he was looking all over your legs and your barrel, trying to find where you cut yourself.
  577. >And then you noticed the bit of blood on your tail.
  578. >The realization hit you like a brick.
  579. >Your vagina was bleeding.
  580. >You started going through your memory for everything you’d learned about the sexual biology of horses in that one vet course you’d taken.
  581. >PRESENT.
  582. >W-what?
  583. >PRESENT.
  584. >Your legs moved all on their own, bringing your face down and your ass up.
  585. >Fucking lordosis reflex.
  586. >It took every last bit of your will not to flick your tail up too.
  587. >Chad just stared, confused.
  588. >”What are you doing Anon?”
  589. “Just stretching is all! Gotta stay l-limber right?”
  590.  
  591. >”I don’t see how that’s relevant to you being wounded. At all.”
  592. >You stand straight again and hop off of Chad’s bed.
  593. “Well I… A-alright I’m, AH…”
  594. >Confusion and worry growing, Chad starts rummaging through a first aid kit, still watching you closely.
  595. “I’m going to bah-be honest Chad. I’ve uhhh, the cut is on my butt.”
  596. >”Your… Butt?”
  597. >You nod, face hidden behind your mane.
  598. >Don’t even have to pretend to be embarrassed.
  599. “Yep. M-my butt. So uhh. Just, just hand me a bandaid and I’ll take care of it ok.”
  600. >”Sure thing man. Must be tough not wearing any pants, sorry if I put you on uhh... On edge. That shit almost got real awkward.”
  601. “HAHA. YEAH. Awkward crisis averted am I right?”
  602. >…
  603. >Chad just stared, mouth pursed, trying his best not to fuck up the situation any more like you had just done.
  604. >You snatched up the bandaid in your mouth, ripped the pens off of your hooves and barged out of Chad’s room.
  605.  
  606. “Shitshitshitshit.”
  607. >You galloped down the hall, barreled through the exit door and down the next hall.
  608. >Doors rushed past, all you could hear was your breathing and the sound of your hooves clopping away.
  609. >A peek behind you showed that you were leaving a trail of blood in your wake.
  610. >Looked like someone had just committed a fucking homicide.
  611. >3rd door on the left.
  612. >You ran straight inside, bucked the door shut and jammed your hoof against the push lock till it worked.
  613. >The solitude of the shower room was like an oasis.
  614. >Panting with desire, you set your bandaid down on the sink, then you jumped into the shower stall.
  615. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck.”
  616. >What the fuck do I do?
  617. >You flipped over onto your back, legs spread wide.
  618. >Your cunt was soaking, most of the blood had been replaced with pussy juice.
  619. “Howdoieven. Howhowhow. FUUUUU-ACK”
  620. >Shivering and shaking, you lowered a hoof towards your crotch.
  621. >It felt like you’d pulled a sparkplug out the second your hoof rubbed against your lower lips.
  622. >Just a jolt of pleasure shooting up your spine.
  623. “AH! FUCK!”
  624. >Without even thinking about it, you started to rub your pussy more, harder, faster.
  625. >You let your tongue loll out of your mouth as you pleasured yourself, panting and mumbling and moaning incoherently.
  626. “HAhoholy fuakk yuss.”
  627. >It was almost mechanical, rub and rub, fondle and feel.
  628. >You weren’t even looking, your eyes rolled back.
  629. >All you knew was that rubbing down there felt incredible.
  630. >Soon the pleasure began to build, you felt yourself pushing down on your pussy, breath quickening.
  631. “Mhm, hah, hah, hah.”
  632. >A flurry of images were flashing through your mind, dicks, Johnsons, cocks of all shapes and sizes.
  633.  
  634. >You focused on them, and your rubbing just got more intense.
  635. >Just the thought of shoving one of them so far up your virgin snatch…
  636. >To fill yourself up to bursting with cum…
  637. >Finally the pressure hit a peak and you felt your cunt twitch.
  638. “AHHHHHHH~”
  639. >You came, hard, spurting all over the stall.
  640. “Guh-God, damn.”
  641. >The haze of the afterglow was extraordinary, it felt like you were trying to swim through sand.
  642. >With all the energy you could muster, you reached up with a hoof, trying to turn on the shower.
  643. >You came up a few feet short.
  644. “Fuuuuuuccckk.”
  645. >You laid there for a second, taking a few deep breaths before rolling over onto your stomach and moving again.
  646. >Inch by inch, you started to get up.
  647. “One hoof...”
  648. >You got your right fore hoof firmly planted.
  649. “Two hoof…”
  650. >Your left fore hoof was next, although it did shake a little.
  651. “F-four hoof.”
  652. >Finally, you pushed yourself up, dragging your hind legs up and into position.
  653. >You smiled.
  654. “I can do this. Easy.”
  655. >Hop up, onto your hind hooves.
  656. >You turn the shower knob on, straight to the middle of the road setting.
  657. >Water comes jetting down, but suddenly quits out.
  658. >A loud gurgling starts up, and you hurry to turn the knob back off.
  659. >Just now you notice the laminated poster that was up on the shower head.
  660. >”All dorm floor shower stalls are closed for maintenance. Please use the gym showers downstairs on the second floor.”
  661.  
  662. >You stamp your hooves in anger, slamming them repeatedly against the plastic of the stall floor.
  663. “Fucking, fuck fuck.”
  664. >Huffing, you look yourself over.
  665. >There was blood all over your tail and your butt, marecum all down your legs and around your crotch.
  666. >Definitely not passable.
  667. >You couldn’t go back to Chad looking like this.
  668. “Just going to have to make a run for it…”
  669. >Gathering up your courage, and your bandaid, you opened the door and got into a sprinting position.
  670. >Breathe in.
  671. >Out.
  672. “Go.”
  673. >And out you galloped, as fast as you could back up the hall.
  674. >You got a quick look at a clock on your way to the stairs
  675. >7:12 AM.
  676. >No way there would be anybody actually moving around on the second floor, everyone was just taking the elevators straight down to the lobby.
  677. >You skipped going through your floors’ main hall, and instead you went through the family suite section.
  678. >Up on two hooves to push the bar to open the exit door, down the stairs you went.
  679. >You nearly went headfirst down the first flight, but by the second you were trotting solid again.
  680. >Your own stamina was surprising you at this point.
  681. >Guess it just came with the horse.
  682. >Finally the second floor came, you did your running, two hooves trick that you did earlier with the stair exit door.
  683. >Out into the second floor hall, mercifully empty.
  684. >You took your time now, prancing up to the gym shower room doors.
  685. >Men’s.
  686. >Or Women’s?
  687. “Huh. Is this what it’s like to be a tranny?”
  688. >You laughed and walked into the men’s room.
  689.  
  690. >Through the changing room, into the showers.
  691. >Pretty standard, blue tiled floors and walls.
  692. >The whole place was bone dry and every noise you made echoed on and on.
  693. >Had that chlorine like smell that showers always did.
  694. >The showers were all in a circle around a central pillar with indentations to put bars of soap on.
  695. >You set your bandaid down on one of them, then you hopped over to and turned on the nearest shower.
  696. “Ahhhh.”
  697. >The warm water felt great on your back, it seemed to just immediately cleanse that sticky feeling you’d gotten from masturbating.
  698. >You let yourself soak a bit, before leaning forward and letting the water at your butt.
  699. >Giggling, you watched your blood and marecum wash away, straight down the drain.
  700. >Relief.
  701. >That was the best way to-
  702. >There was a dude watching you.
  703. >Looked like he just got out of the gym downstairs, six foot six.
  704. >Body built like a Greek god, carrying a towel and wearing absolutely nothing.
  705. >Immediately the heat kicked in full force, your cunt was on fire at the sight of his sizeable dick.
  706. >Three responses came to mind.
  707. >FUCK YOU.
  708. >GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
  709. >And: PEEP SHOW’S OVER, LEAVE ME ALONE.
  710. >But what came out instead was:
  711. “GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND FUCK ME!”
  712. >Silence.
  713. >”W-what?“
  714. >You ran over to the six foot six sex god and ripped his towel out of his hands.
  715. >As fast as you could, you dried yourself with it, tossing it on the floor and rolling around on it.
  716. >Gym dude just stared, not uttering a word.
  717. >Sufficiently dry, you got up and ran back into the showers, picked up your bandaid and carried it over to the guy.
  718. “Opfen fhis.”
  719. >He shook his head and blinked.
  720. >”I don’t-“
  721. “OPFEN FHIS.”
  722. >Spooked, mister 10/10 obeyed, taking it and peeling away the covering strips of your band aid.
  723. >”Why did y-“
  724. “PUT IT ON MY BUTT.”
  725. >You turned around and presented your butt to him, your tail just barely covering your unmentionables.
  726. >”But wh-“
  727. “PUT. IT. ON. MY. BUTT.”
  728. >You felt him stick it to your left ass cheek.
  729. >Immediately you stood at attention and gave him a salute.
  730. “GOOD WORK PRIVATE. YOUR EXCELLENT BEHAVIOUR HAS BEEN NOTED.”
  731. >Before he could talk again, you galloped back out of the showers, leaping over a changing room bench on your way to the door.
  732.  
  733. >Adrenaline pumping, heart beating, lungs sucking down air.
  734. >It takes you the whole second floor hallway and three flights of stairs before you fully realize what just happened.
  735. >How close you just came to fucking some random guy in a shower.
  736. >Or at least how close you came to forcing yourself onto a random guy in a shower.
  737. >You stopped at your floor, huffing and puffing from the exertion.
  738. “H-holy shit.”
  739. >Elation flowed through you.
  740. >The look on that poor gym goers’ face came to mind.
  741. >Utterly baffled and just a little bit turned on.
  742. >You imagined him trying to tell his friends what he saw.
  743. >‘ I swear! There was this tiny horse in the showers! It was washing it’s ass in the shower when I showed up, then it hollered at me! Asked me to fuck it, and I didn’t even know what the fuck to say. Then it stole my towel and dried itself off before forcing me to stick a band aid on its ass!’
  744. “HAHAHAHAHA! HOLY SHIT!”
  745. >Your laughter echoed down the hall, you just up and collapsed, rolling on the floor.
  746. >Eventually though, your worry at being seen again caught up with you.
  747. >Still giggling, you got back up on all four hooves and started back to Chad’s room.
  748. >Riding off of that adrenaline high, the hallways didn’t seem nearly as intimidating.
  749. >Clip clop, clip clop and you were at Chad’s door, knocking.
  750. >”Anon?”
  751. “Yeah.”
  752. >The door swung open and you waltzed in, Chad was already walking back to sit down in his chair.
  753. >”You’re alright then? That was a lot of blood.”
  754. >You hopped up on Chad’s bed and started up his laptop.
  755. “Yeah, I’m good. It was no big deal.”
  756. >You looked at Chad and smiled, to show that you were okay.
  757.  
  758. >Staring at Chad, there was a hint of that heat in your loins, but it seemed like masturbating had quelled you for now.
  759. >You weren’t trying to present your hot pocket to him on reflex anymore at least.
  760. >Chad smiled and chuckled.
  761. >”Good. You freaked me out there, running off like you had a poker up your ass.”
  762. >He reached behind him and pulled two pairs of wool socks out from his drawer.
  763. >”You clothes don’t fit you and all, so I figured some socks might keep you warm.”
  764. “Thanks Chad.”
  765. >Chad tossed them over and with a bit of tugging and biting, you got them on.
  766. >He was right, the fit was snug and they kept your legs from shivering.
  767. >The design though…
  768. “These look like granny socks man.”
  769. >Chad nodded and raised his cigarette.
  770. >”Nice huh? I get a new pair from her every year.”
  771. >You supposed they looked fine, with little Christmas designs all over them.
  772. >The front pair was green and brown with a snowman and snowflake theme, the back were red and brown and all alight with red nosed reindeer and red baubles.
  773. >And again, they were nice and warm.
  774. >Just felt like you were wearing borrowed love.
  775. >”Seriously, don’t worry about it Anon. I’m not the only one who gets them, she makes hundreds of pairs of socks and mittens to donate to poor kids and for the Salvation Army to give to people.”
  776. “That’s a bit better then. Mind strapping these pens back on? Just a few more paragraphs to go.”
  777. >Chad shook his head as he got up to help.
  778. >”Still. Goddamn you’re stupid.”
  779. “The polite word is persistent.”
  780. >”Coming from the pony who calls me a paranoid fucker like I don’t hear it?”
  781. >You can feel the blood rushing to your cheeks.
  782. >Blushing.
  783. >It probably looks adorable.
  784.  
  785. “Sorry. You know I don’t really mean it. And you ARE a little paranoid sometimes. You just gotta chill out with the NWO shit man. All this conspiracy stuff makes you look like a nutcase.”
  786. >Chad shrugs and smiles.
  787. >”If being a nutcase is what it takes to not get either killed by the NWO or subjugated by the Masons. Then I’ll be a nutcase.”
  788. >You roll your eyes.
  789. >But Chad wouldn’t be Chad if he wasn’t a paranoid fucker.
  790. >Then he’d just be a dude who smokes and cooks a lot.
  791. >There was that heat again, down in your crotch.
  792. >Goddamn estrous cycle.
  793. >How long was this shit going to last?
  794. >It can’t be that long since you’re so tiny.
  795. >Either way you-
  796. “Hey Chad?”
  797. >”Yeah Anon?”
  798. “Mind um… Mind if I lay in your lap while I type this up? To stay warm?”
  799. >Your face adjusted on its own, forming an irresistible and completely innocent little smile.
  800. >You even tossed in a mane flick.
  801. >What the fuck.
  802. >This was not a lordosis reflex.
  803. >Chad stared, eyes wide and brows up.
  804. >Come on bro don’t fall for it, don’t be fooled by my bright blue eyes and my pretty blonde mane.
  805. >There’s a demon in here.
  806. >A sex demon.
  807. >Chad nodded, kind of confused and starting to go into crush mode again, but he seemed to have accepted the logic behind it more than anything.
  808. >”Sure, here.”
  809. >Chad finished strapping the pens to your hooves and then he picked you up and got himself comfortable, back against the wall and lounging on his bed, before setting you in his lap.
  810.  
  811. >Wow this was…
  812. >Surprisingly comfy, and definitely warm, you weren’t getting any chills at all.
  813. >Estrous mind was onto something.
  814. “Thanks.”
  815. >”No problem.”
  816. >Chad kept on keeping on, puffing away at his cig and watching you type, tossing in some advice here in there.
  817. >Checking your spelling and what not.
  818. >Every now and then he’d give you a scratch behind the ears, or he’d muss up your mane to catch your attention.
  819. >Felt good.
  820. >He stole the laptop from you for a moment and put a song on.
  821. >Atmosphere, Sunshine.
  822. [YouTube] Atmosphere - Sunshine (embed)
  823. >You laughed and shook your head as you got back to work.
  824. “It isn’t even sunshine out.”
  825. >A quick peek at the window showed the blizzard was still pounding the university campus.
  826. >”Yeah, but this is a damn good song for a morning smoke.”
  827. >You laughed and eyed Chad up.
  828. >He looked, so… At peace.
  829. >Just casually lifting his cigarette up to his mouth, breathing in, breathing out.
  830. >His chest, rising and falling in time.
  831. >Chad worked out.
  832. >It was something you’d always known.
  833. >But never something you’d really paid any attention to.
  834. >You were certainly paying attention to it now, watching him move, it was like every movement was predestined.
  835. >He wasn’t a big meathead either, lithe would be a better way to put him.
  836. >Movements were controlled, not surgical but… Powerful and meaningful.
  837. >All of a sudden you realized what you were feeling, lying in his lap.
  838.  
  839. >Safety and comfort.
  840. >You felt safe because you knew he was strong, and you felt comfortable because you knew you were with him as an equal, not as someone lesser or greater.
  841. >Chad noticed you staring and looked back in surprise.
  842. >”W-What?”
  843. >You smiled and giggled.
  844. “Nothing, just checking you out. You’re looking pretty fit, man.”
  845. >Your hips move on their own, rubbing your flank around on his crotch.
  846. >You can feel his “red pill” poking you.
  847. >He puffed furiously at his cig, trying to make time so that he could come up with a response.
  848. >”A strong body is less susceptible to mind control and black helicopters.”
  849. >There’s the actual red pill poking your brain.
  850. “How does smoking help?”
  851. >”Nicotine is a natural counter against aspartame.”
  852. >You rolled your eyes and got back to work.
  853. >Most of the essay was complete, just needed corrections, a proper conclusion and a bibliography.
  854. >The bibliography was a cinch, you just used a web citation maker to get it all together.
  855. >Corrections went by smoothly.
  856. >Lastly was the conclusion.
  857. >This was always a key part for you, you saved it absolutely for last.
  858. >You’d write it in one go, no correcting at all, you found that it often turned out better that way.
  859. >Got straight to the point, through the meat and mash, helped avoid weasel words.
  860. >As you started writing it though, getting that word flow to flood your mind, there was a certain fire building in your snatch again, slowly and steadily.
  861. >Unbidden thoughts came to you with that flood, images of Chad.
  862. >First fully clothed.
  863. >Then shirtless.
  864. >Then lewd.
  865. >Mmm…
  866.  
  867. >”You alright Anon?”
  868. “Uh!”
  869. >You shook your head, mane flying and ears flicking.
  870. >”You’ve been staring at your essay, not typing at all for about five minutes now. You got writer’s block?”
  871. >You checked the clock: 10:37 AM.
  872. >Not enough time to be horny, essays were due at 2 PM.
  873. “Had it. Not anymore.”
  874. >”Alright. Write your fucking conclusion then you lazy fuck.”
  875. >Chad was smirking, you gave him a light jab to the chest with your hoof.
  876. >Now, that was encouragement.
  877. >It was time to type.
  878. >Type up a word flood to drown all the lazy fucks in, a forty day storm to flood the earth with.
  879. >Your conclusion came out like a lightning bolt, down and done in a flash.
  880. >Job done.
  881. >Save, wireless hook up to Chad’s printer, hit print.
  882. >You loathed to get out of Chad’s lap, but you had to get your finished essay in.
  883. >Chad got up and headed to your room to get your laptop so you could print the others.
  884. >He came back just as you were walking out.
  885. “Alright man, hand it over, let’s go pass this shit in.”
  886. >The printing went by quick, just hit the button and go.
  887. >Chad stuffed all your essays into a manila envelope and you snatched it up into your mouth.
  888. >You tried to take a step outside of Chad’s room, but he stood at the door, leaning against the frame.
  889. >…
  890. >You set the manila envelope down.
  891. “Chad wh-“
  892. >”Hey Anon?”
  893. “Yeah?”
  894. >”Weird question. But, did you take any pills tonight?”
  895.  
  896. >Well that was oddly specific.
  897. >You tilted your head and frowned.
  898. “Yeah. Acetaminophen, extra strength.”
  899. >Chad had that poker face again.
  900. >You could see his hand shaking like before when he flicked his cigarette butt away and into his coffee mug.
  901. >”How many did you take?”
  902. “You alright Chad? I took… I dunno, like 2 or 3? Why?”
  903. >Why was he so freaked out?
  904. >”I’m… Fine. I was doing some research while you were fixing your cut up, trying to find out how this happened to you. And…”
  905. >Wait, seriously?
  906. >Pfft.
  907. >Probably just browsed around on some conspiracy Web 1.0 tier shit and found a page saying the NWO wanted to replace the thinking population with ponies or some crazy shit.
  908. >”Well I found a few news articles talking about this new drug that’s been making the rounds. You know the kind, parties and stuff.”
  909. >You stare back at Chad, frowning, brow furrowed.
  910. “As in actual news articles?”
  911. >Chad nods.
  912. >”Here.”
  913. >He pulls out his phone and shows it to you, he has the Chronicle newspage up.
  914. “ ‘Pon-E: The newest daterape drug.’ You saying I was drugged?”
  915. >The article didn’t really go into detail, all it said was that there was a new date rape drug going around called Pon-E and that parents should warn their kids about keeping an eye on their drinks at parties.
  916. >Apparently it only took two pills to overdose.
  917. “Ch-Chad. What are you trying to tell me? Are you saying this is what I took?”
  918. >Chad doesn’t say a word, just navigates over to an official police report on the effects of Pon-E.
  919. >He starts to read it off.
  920. >”Pon-E comes in tablet and pill form. It can be crushed and dissolved into drinks, the taste is negligible and the scent hardly noticeable. Pon-E is fast acting, transforming whoever consumes the drug into a small pony within minutes. The appearance and gender that the person takes on is random and persists for 12 hours after consumption.”
  921.  
  922. ”So those acetaminophen… Those were Pon-E’s? Chad I definitely took more than one.”
  923. >You shiver.
  924. >Fear is rushing through your veins, you can hear your heartbeat.
  925. ”Chad. What the fuck happens when you OD on this shit?”
  926. >Chad stares at you, expression guarded.
  927. “CHAD. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS WHEN YOU OD ON THIS SHIT?”
  928. >He sighs and keeps on reading.
  929. >”The amount of Pon-E required to overdose is almost always around two pills within 12 hours. This, counting for the weight of the person consuming them and also on the resistance they may have built up after taking the drug before. The effect of overdosing on Pon-E is… is…”
  930. >Chad coughs and scrolls down.
  931. >”That the transformation becomes permanent. Experts agree that becoming human again would be impossible for someone who’s overdosed on Pon-E.”
  932. >…
  933. “Pfffft, HAHAHAHAHA!”
  934. >You collapse, legs buckling as your laughter gets louder.
  935. “HAHAHAHA!”
  936. >You’re bent over, still laughing.
  937. >Chad is looking at you like you’re a crazy person.
  938. >You start wheezing a bit, your sides are paining from all the laughing you’re doing.
  939. “HahHAHa! Hooly shiet. Chad. Oh my god Chad you scared me for a second there.”
  940. >”What? Didn’t you hear me?! This shit is permanent. You CANNOT GO BACK. You got fucked over by some random creep working at a fucking pill bottling factory somewhere.”
  941. >You fall over and crawl over to Chad and tap at his leg, still laughing in spurts as you try to speak.
  942. “Dude, HA, dude. Do you have any idea how fucking lucky I am? Just think about it for a second.”
  943. >Chad looks kind of pissed right now, probably because you aren’t taking this seriously at all and he’s confused as hell.
  944.  
  945. “Think of all the shit people have put into medicine over the years, cyanide, ricin, every goddamn disease on earth, hard drugs. I thought I was going to fucking die for a second there, hell you were talking like I was!”
  946. >”Anon y-“
  947. “When I heard overdose, I was thinking like a ticking time bomb, as in I could just keel over at any second. But no, I wound up with the ONE recreational drug where you DON’T die from OD! Holy shit man. I hit the fucking jackpot, I should be out there buying lottery tickets!”
  948. >Chad doesn’t look angry anymore, just bewildered.
  949. >”Aren’t you mad at all? You’re a pony, forever.”
  950. >You shrug.
  951. “Why would I be? What does this change? I mean sure, I’ve got horse parts and well… Girly parts too. But whatever. I’m still ALIVE. I’m still here. And that’s a win if you ask me.”
  952. >You laugh again, the look on Chad’s face was priceless.
  953. >”But… I…”
  954. “Does it bother you? That I’m a pony?”
  955. >Expression serious, you catch Chad’s eye.
  956. >He matches your expression, brows knitting together.
  957. >There’s that cigarette draw again, but he isn’t shaking this time.
  958. >”I don’t know. It did, at first but now…”
  959. >Chad sighs and lights up.
  960. >He takes a few puffs, you back up and sit down.
  961. “You’re gonna kill yourself smoking that many in a row.”
  962. >Chad chuckles.
  963. >”They’re my rollies, and it’ll take more than just 7 spread over a day to kill me.”
  964. >More silence as Chad thinks on it.
  965. >All of a sudden he shrugs and then laughs, rubbing at his temples.
  966. >”Yeah I think I see your point now.”
  967. >He points at you and tosses in a coy smile and a playful wink.
  968. >”You’re adorable like that anyway.”
  969. >Instant sploosh.
  970. >All that heat comes right back with a vengeance and you’re left there blushing and wet.
  971. >Chad doesn’t notice and starts to walk out.
  972. >A few steps later though, he notices you aren’t following.
  973. >He smiles, bemused.
  974. >”You coming Anon? You still have to hand… Well, hoof your essays in. Should be fun trotting down the halls, freak some motherfuckers out.”
  975. >You stare at him, tongue lolling out, panting.
  976. >Three responses come to mind.
  977. >They all sounded like something a sane person would say, which is why you didn’t say a single one of them.
  978. >You didn’t have time to be a sane person.
  979. “GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND FUCK ME.”
  980.  
  981.  
  982. End of CRUNCHTIME, next: PEER PRESSURE.
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