Apr 11th, 2016
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  1. "What?"
  2. "How?
  3. "Why?"
  4. "What?
  5. "I..."
  6. "What!?"
  7. >After wildly gesturing you let your hands fall down to your sides.
  8. >You look up to the beautiful decorated ceiling and take a deep breath...
  9. "Are you fuckin' kidding me!?"
  10. >You close your eyes
  11. >Silence...
  12. >The temperature in the room seems to drop to zero
  13. >This time Raindow Dash and Ponko sure went the extra mile
  14. >This has to be a prank
  15. >You open your eyes and see two royal guards giving you angry stare
  16. >Celestia gives you a warm smile
  17. >Looking to your right you see the mane six
  18. >One cowers in fear
  19. >One made a step back and covers her mouth in disbelief
  20. >One seemingly turned to stone out of shock and terror
  21. >Two also give you an angry stare
  22. >And Starbutt is baring her teeth in fury
  23. >You look to your left
  24. >Cadence and Shining Armor seems to have difficulties to keep their composure
  25. >Even discord looks angry
  26. >Fuck
  27. >Maybe you shouldn’t have cursed in the throne room...
  28. >At the princess...
  29. >Fuck
  30. "Sorry..."
  31. >"It's quite alright Anon, I understand that this situation must be quite surprising"
  32. >No shit Sherlock...
  33. >But Celestia's warm voice makes the atmosphere more relaxing
  34. "I... I just don’t understand how and why... me?"
  35. >"Your immunity to magic makes you the most suited for this... endeavor."
  36. >Is she serious?
  37. "No, she could just drop a boulder on me! Throw stuff at me..."
  38. >"We will ensure there is no such possibility."
  39. >Then why would your my magic immunity matter?
  40. "A kick of her would kill me, she could bite me, poison me, strangle me, suffocate me...
  41. >"You will have combat training. And the elements of harmony shall assist you."
  42. >Combat training? So you are about to get beat up in your spare time.
  43. >And the help of the elements?
  44. >You let your gaze wander to your right
  45. >oh come on if SHE doesn’t kill you Starbutt will
  46. "I just don’t think I'm up to that task."
  47. >"All of us will help you and..."
  48. >She takes a deep breath and lowers her head before continuing
  49. >"...we have prepared some tools to aid you."
  50. >You can hear sadness in her voice
  51. >This is not right, not even by your standards
  52. "You are trying to kill me, aren’t you?"
  53. >She shakes her head
  54. >She stands up and walks down the stairs of her throne
  55. >She walks towards you and... and bows??
  56. >"I cant force you to do it, Anon."
  57. >"But i beg you. Please! You are my last hope!"
  58. >You have never been anyone's last hope, and never thought you ever would be
  59. >This situation is getting really uncomfortable
  60. >The mighty princess of Equestria bowing before you, begging you
  61. >How funny it would be to throw a verbal punch at Starbutt right now, though
  62. "Alright, alright, alright! Just stop it please."
  63. >"You have my eternal gratitude!"
  64. "Are you not afraid i could... mistreat her?"
  65. >"You are a gentle soul, Anon."
  66. >a pussy...
  68. >Although the the thought is quite tempting... you could...
  69. >Nonono this is not the right moment for such fantasy
  70. >Still this is all surreal
  71. >Not what you expected when you were summoned to Canterlot
  72. >What did you expect?
  73. >surely NOT this
  74. "Please, princess stand up this is making me uncomfortable."
  75. >"Im sorry, Anonymous."
  76. >She stands up and looks at you with serious eyes
  77. >You start scratching your head and exhale deeply
  78. "If this gets me killed ill be really mad at you."
  79. >Celestia starts giggling
  80. >"I guess that would be pretty reasonable."
  81. "So how is this going to work, then?"
  82. >"We will prepare the necessary arrangements and meet at your housing in 3 days."
  83. "Three days? Well I'm off then."
  84. >Time to get the fuck outta here
  85. >You turn around to head for the exit
  86. >Maybe you should start a journey for the next few days... months... years... decades...
  87. >Hey maybe you can get some meat in Griffonville..
  88. >Meat ooohhhh yes
  89. >"Anon!"
  90. >You turn around around in an instant
  91. "Yes?"
  92. >Celestia is looking at you with large eyes, full of hope
  93. >"Thank you very much and please be careful."
  94. >"I know I'm asking a lot of you, but i place my complete trust in you."
  95. >Griffonville, Meat, not getting killed...
  96. >Fuck you heart! You are even more stupid than brain!
  97. >You sigh
  98. "Okay princess, bye"
  99. >And with this you leave
  100. >Okay somewhere between here and the train station there must be a store where you can get some liqueur
  101. >You may have just made the most stupid decision of your life
  102. >Time to get hammered
  103. >3 days
  105. >After you rushed through the city to get a drink you board the train to Ponyville
  106. >Luckily the elements didn’t make it in time
  107. >Being lectured by twilight again can wait
  108. >You take a place at a window in an empty carriage and start drinking
  109. "I hereby declare that ... fuck you!"
  110. >You let your head sink against the backrest
  111. >This is... slavery?
  112. >Yeeehaaa being the first slaver in Ponyville will sure aid you in your struggle for social acceptance
  113. >Why on earth didn’t she banish her again?
  114. >No she is dumping the second least appreciated being in Equestria at the least appreciated one
  115. >From now on you are the proud owner of one of the most dangerous beings in Equestria
  116. >She is trying to get rid of you...
  117. >Does she want you to turn her into a functioning part of society again?
  118. >You?
  119. >dumping her or killing you seems much more realistic
  120. >So she is yours and you have to take care of her
  121. >great
  122. >Maybe she tries to kill two birds with one stone
  123. >Thinking about it will get you nowhere, never has
  124. >Three days to enjoy yourself before your life might end
  125. >you take another sip
  126. "Fuck."
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