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| 1 | Your name is AMANDA SVILZERIAN, but you prefer JONESY. | |
| 2 | ||
| 3 | Your past career involved WARRIORS OF A SPACEBOUND NATURE, usually involving SETTING THINGS ON FIRE. You DIDN'T ENJOY THIS and, after a series of ESCAPADES, have made a NEW LIFE with a MAN YOU LOVE VERY MUCH. Despite this, you still have A PASSION FOR COMBAT BOTH ARMED AND UNARMED, reguarly attending a local FITE CLUB, and you WORK OUT in an attempt to keep your ATHLETIC FIGURE. Due to VARIOUS GENEROUS INDIVIDUALS and their ACTS OF KINDNESS, you are also a SUDDEN BILLIONAIRE, and you like to TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS whenever possible. You are fond of CHOCOLATE, FIFTIES ROCK AND ROLL and SWING, although not nessecarily all at once, and you enjoy GETTING SHITFACED on an IRREGULAR BASIS. You also have A BLOG, although you AREN'T GOOD WITH COMPUTERS and know only enough to update said blog. | |
| 4 | ||
| 5 | Your ZooChat handle is LadyofWar, and you take no shit from nobody. | |
| 6 | ||
| 7 | What will you do? | |
| 8 | ||
| 9 | ===> Retrieve arms from cupboard. | |
| 10 | ||
| 11 | This isn't the time for injokes damnit! | |
| 12 | ||
| 13 | ===> Jonesy: Visit Chocolate Fountain | |
| 14 | ||
| 15 | Yes. Hell yes. HELL. FUCKING. YES. | |
| 16 | ||
| 17 | You abscond downstairs to visit THE VERY BEST THING in your billionaire life. | |
| 18 | ||
| 19 | Your house's lower floor reveals a few more of your interests. You can COOK TO AN ADEQUETE DEGREE, although considering your husband's CARNIVOROUS LEANINGS it's NOT THAT HARD. You DABBLE IN VIDEO GAMING, although really you should take that SINTENDO 65 back upstairs at some point. | |
| 20 | ||
| 21 | You also enjoy SWIMMING IN A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN LIKE SOME KIND OF PERVERT. But getting out of its DESIGNATED CUPBOARD will take some effort. You might need some help with this one. | |
| 22 | ||
| 23 | ===> Jonesy: Make Smores | |
| 24 | ||
| 25 | This is never a bad idea! You grab the required materials from your CUPBOARD OF NIGHT AND SKULLS, which contains your significant other's SUGARY TREATS, and get to work. | |
| 26 | ||
| 27 | ===> | |
| 28 | ||
| 29 | Oops. Looks like you went overboard again. Oh well. Perhaps all these excess ones can be used as payment for whoever helps you set up your fountain. | |
| 30 | ||
| 31 | ===> Jonesy: Eat Smores | |
| 32 | ||
| 33 | On second thought, these are delicious. | |
| 34 | ||
| 35 | You eat all the smores. All of them. | |
| 36 | ||
| 37 | ===> Jonesy: Bathe in chocolate fountain. | |
| 38 | ||
| 39 | You would if you could! Being IDIOTICALLY DECEDANT is your FAVOURITE THING TO DO! But setting it up is complicated and needs another pair of hands to help you. It'd take far too long to connect all those pipes and stuff by yourself! Besides you don't have time to faff around, you have things to... | |
| 40 | ||
| 41 | Okay maybe you don't. But still! | |
| 42 | ||
| 43 | ===> Jonesy: Be Erebus Svilzerian. | |
| 44 | ||
| 45 | Oh alright then. | |
| 46 | ||
| 47 | Your name is EREBUS SVILZERIAN. | |
| 48 | ||
| 49 | As an IMMENSELY OLD POSTHUMAN, you can DO A LOT OF THINGS normal people can't. This includes LIFTING HEVY THINGS, MOVING REALLY FAST, seeing in the dark REALLY WELL and BEING ABLE TO CRUSH A MAN'S HEAD BETWEEN YOUR HANDS. You too are part of A SECT OF SPACE-BASED SOLDIERS, although you have ALSO LEFT THIS BEHIND for a NEW LIFE. As Jonesy's HUSBAND, your relationship is built on LARGE WEAPONS and STICKING IT TO THE MAN, with a side order of HUGS. You are good at hugs. | |
| 50 | ||
| 51 | You have a fascination for MIDNIGHT BLUE THINGS, to the point that your wife attempts to counter this with various ORANGE ITEMS. You also like BATS AND SKULLS, although any relation to any subcultures of any sort is a COINCIDENCE. You take care of your POWER ARMOR with a RITUALISTIC LEVEL OF CARE. You really, really like CHOCOLATE, and you also enjoy DRINKING THINGS POTENT ENOUGH TO FUEL VEHICLES. | |
| 52 | ||
| 53 | Your ZooChat handle is NoxNoctis, and you have to type with a pencil because keyboards are TOO SMALL. | |
| 54 | ||
| 55 | What will you do? | |
| 56 | ||
| 57 | ===> Erebus: Go downstairs. | |
| 58 | ||
| 59 | You head downstairs to find your wife struggling with the CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN, and the remains of another smore binge on the kitchen worktop. You though you'd caught a wiff of melting marshmallow earlier. It's hilarious when that happens. She can't seem to control herself. | |
| 60 | ||
| 61 | She asks for your help in setting the chocolate fountain up. | |
| 62 | ||
| 63 | ===> Erebus: Help set up the chocolate fountain. | |
| 64 | ||
| 65 | Between practised hands and guesswork, you manage to set up the chocolate fountain again. Mesmerising rivers of brown cascade down the sides. It's beautiful. Life is beautiful. | |
| 66 | ||
| 67 | Uh oh! Looks like your SINTENDO 65 has blown a fuse! This baby does tend to have an adverse effect on the electronics in the other areas of the house. Maybe you should have thought about that earlier. | |
| 68 | ||
| 69 | ===> Erebus: Bathe in chocolate fountain | |
| 70 | ||
| 71 | But who gives a shit? You jump into the fountain with your wife, abandoning decency in return for something King Midas would kill to experience. | |
| 72 | ||
| 73 | - | This is really silly and indecent. Time to be someone else. |
| 73 | + | This is really silly and indecent. |
