View difference between Paste ID: VMpmDK44 and zPv4vMng

 A/N: So,I was just chilling in Twilight Game Night's thread, and one random Anon decided to bump using chants and prayers from the WH40K Universe.
 
 I decided to incorporate those chants into MLP, and somehow this happened. What was a random reply-green turned into an actual mini-story.
 
 Warning: HNNNNNG ahead
 
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 Anonymous 01/18/15(Sun)08:21:54 No.21463029?
 
     We shall be the Keepers Immortal,
     all Secrets shall be our Knowledge.
     We are the Guardians of Mankind!
 
     Caution and secrecy are our code,
     watchfulness and patience are our way.
     Hidden from the Eyes of Chaos,
     we strike without warning or dread.
 
 >>21463545
 >"Caution and secrecy are our code,"
 >"watchfulness and patience are our way."
 >"Hidden from the Eyes of Chaos,"
 >"we strike without warning or dread."
 "Fluttershy what are you doing?"
 >"eep!" Fluttershy squeaks, rolling over instinctively on her back, hooves a'flailing in the air
 >You sigh
 >"H-how did you find me?!"
 "Well, for one, you're hiding under my laundry pile. Laundry piles don't move, and then don't wiggle and speak in riddles."
 >Fluttershy idly paws at your discarded shirt, head downcast
 "Second, Discord saw where you went and told m-"
 >"The eyes of Chaos?!!? They're HERE?!"
 "What? No. Well yes, in the strictest sense. He's off getting some ground beef from gryphonia. We makin' tacos tonight."
 >Mmmm. Tacos.
 "Now come on, let's get you out of there. Why are you even rooting around in my stuff?"
 >"We shall be the Keepers Immortal,"
 >"all Secrets shall be our Knowledge."
 >"We are the Guardians of Mankind!"
 >You pick up flutters, pulling off a sock from her ear
 >Your roomies are crazy, but so is everyone in this marshmallow horse planet
 "....okay. Wanna go be the guardians of ice cream?"
 >"Yes, please."
 
 
 Anonymous 01/18/15(Sun)15:59:52 No.21466168?
 >>21466682
 
     Though we find ourselves in the Shadows,
     no Blackness will enter our Hearts.
     No treachery will touch our souls,
     no pride will sully our thoughts.
 
 >>21466168
 >"Though we find ourselves in the Shadows,"
 >"no Blackness will enter our Hearts."
 >"No treachery will touch our souls,"
 >"no pride will sully our thoughts."
 >You sigh
 >It didn't help that other pones on the street were giving you the stink eye
 "Fluttershy, what has gotten into you?!"
 >Or maybe it was her
 >You try to look down at the pone you're cradling at your chest
 >Her muzzle is sticking out just above the v of your hoodie zipper, the top of her head pressed against the bottom of your chin
 >"O-oh sorry... was I talking out loud again?"
 >You grunt in the affirmative
 "Look, you wanted to share a ride in my hoodie cause it was cold. If it's too dark for you, just poke your head out fur-"
 >You hear fluttershy go 'nyaaah', and you turn and look at a mare
 >Who is in the middle of sticking her tongue out at you
 "Hey!"
 >You feel Fluttershy jump, and the mare on the street jumps as well
 "What?"
 >She shakes her head and walks away
 >You poke fluttershy through the hoodie
 "Are you antagonizing people on the street?"
 >"N-no..."
 "We can turn around now. We don't NEED ice cream, yann-"
 >"OKIwasI'msorry!"
 >Aww, she's shivering
 >You pet her as you continue to walk
 "Hey, there there. Salright, it's alright."
 >"A-anon?"
 "Hmm?"
 >"Can I get strawberry-banana?"
 >You smile
 "Sure thing, butterbean."
 >You can feel her smile
 
 >"We shall be Pure amongst Impurity,"
 >"we shall be Innocence amongst the Guilt."
 >"We are the Imperium's Hidden Saviors!"
 "I just asked if you wanted sprinkles, Flutters."
 >Fluttershy furrows her brow.
 >"Sprinkles are how THEY get you, Anon. I will not have my ice cream tainted!"
 "Uh. Yeah, so... uh. No sprinkles. And I guess that's also a pass on nuts."
 >"No!"
 >You look down at the knee-high pone, her pouting face raised up to yours
 >"Nuts are ok."
 >Heh. Nuts.
 >You nod to the pone behind the counter, and he continues making Fluttershy's creation
 >Did you know they have a coldstone analogue here?
 >Fuckin sweet
 >Just wish it wasn't called coldpone
 
 >"We are spread across the Heavens,"
 >"our watch is untiring and ceaseless."
 >"The Emperor shall guard our Souls,"
 >"as we Guard those of others."
 >You sigh
 >Apparently Fluttershy gets a bit exciteable after ice cream
 >Especially when you [spoiler]spoil[/spoiler] her
 "Flutters, come on."
 >"No, Anon. I must be vigilant!"
 >You feel her hooves grip your shoulders
 >Man that feels freakin WEIRD
 "But you have to use my head as a perch?"
 >Her tummy rests on the top of your head, hers swiveling about
 >"Our watch is ceaseless"
 "Ok, but when we get home I'm not ducking"
 >"....can I come back in the hoodie?"
 "You promise not to hug me too tight?"
 >"Mmmmm..."
 >She looks down at you, her upside-down face making you smile
 >"No."
 "Kay."
 
 >"Our will shall be our weapons,"
 >"our faith shall be our armor."
 "Butterpone."
 >"Our minds will be secure fortresses,"
 "Nutterbutter."
 >"no Temptation will weaken our resolve."
 "Not even ice cream."
 >"No temptation will breach my citadel!"
 >You chuckle, leaning against the wall, looking into the living room
 >Or sitting room, or whatever it's called
 >You pried Fluttershy off you earlier and went to start up the grill for dinner
 >firewood takes time to heat iron, yo
 >And you get back to an honestly impressive pillow fort
 >It's got blanket ramparts and all sorts of neat things
 >Dunno why she called it "Titen"
 >You walk towards her to coax her out
 >You dunno where she keeps the cilantro
 >"Though unnumbered lurking perils await us,"
 "Flutter-"
 >"our blades will be ever ready."
 "Don't you poke me - is that where all the forks went?!"
 >"For we are the Emperor's Vengeance!"
 "Just...hey now..."
 >You reach into the pillow fort blindly, your arm groping about
 >"The walls have been breached!"
 "What in th-hey! Hey! Haha, hey!"
 >Feather-light punches and kicks bop your arm
 >Tickle, really
 >Eventually you grab a limb, and pull her out
 >"Noooooo~"
 "Flutters, come on. You'll have a sugar crash if we don't get some real food into you. Don't you want some tofu tacos?
 >"...but my fort! I must remain vigilant, Anon!"
 >You raise fluttershy to eye level
 "Tell ya what. Help me make tacos, and you can eat them in your fort, away from chaos. Sound good?"
 >"I want three tacos."
 "Deal."
 
 >"Though unnumbered lurking perils await us,"
 >"That's Tobasco, Fluttershy"
 >"our blades will be ever ready."
 "I still don't know where the forks are."
 >"For we are the Emperor's Vengeance!"
 >You and Discord look at each other, eyes meeting far above the waist-high pone
 >"And she's been like this for how long...?"
 >You shrug
 "All day? I don't know. It all started when I found her in my bedroom-"
 >"Oh Myyyy~" Discord bats his eyes at you
 "Look, I don't know how you did a perfect Takei, but just listen. She was in my laundry, muttering to herself, and has been like this ever since."
 >"Hmm."
 >Discord ponders while a taco assembles behind him in reverse
 >Just. I don't know, ok?
 >Fluttershy's tofacos are done, and Discord lines up three on a plate
 >"Masters of all weapons are we,"
 >Here she goes again
 >You grab the plate and kneel down
 >"no defense exists against our wrath."
 "But do tacos exist?"
 >"....." She grabs the plate in her mouth, and then looks up at you with those big, soft eyes
 >"Wih hh emehih we hah fwit"
 "Ok - ok flutters, just don't drop the plate. Wanna go back to Titan?"
 >Fluttershy nods slightly, the tacos wobbling
 >"wih ah hhb a aebis tah fehlb uh?"
 >What
 "An...hay bus?"
 >You look at Discord for some sort of direction, but now HE shrugs
 >Come ooon
 >"AEBIH."
 "OK, ok, yes. We'll hang it up outside your fort-"
 >"Hihan."
 "Titan, yes. Tacos first, ok?"
 >She smiles around the plate, and looks up
 "Ooop!"
 >You're too late
 >A taco slid down and booped her on the nose
 
 "No, dangi-stop! hey!"
 >Fluttershy stares at you from within her citadel.
 >"Death stalks us in many forms,"
 "It's time for bed!"
 >"the grotesque and the utterly inhuman."
 >"Hey!" Discord crosses his 12 arms, apparently taking offense
 >"We are the Bringers of Hope!"
 "Shypone, you better be hoping for your bed. I'm not having you skitter up and down the hallway anymore - it's getting old! Now, come here and put on your booties!"
 >You kneel and reach at her within Titen, but she bats your hand away
 "F-flutters, damnit! Why can't I move these pillows!?"
 >"Unbowed and unshaken against all foes,"
 >"we shall claim victory with blood."
 >"Is she talking about the forks again?"
 >You turn your head and shrug, and then feel another bop
 >"Steady and surely we hunt them,"
 >"those that dare oppose our wrath."
 >You remove your hand and lower your head to gaze inside the fort
 >Fluttershy meets your gaze with her own, unflinching.
 "Brocord, can you-"
 >"I'm on it!"
 >Discord slithers across your shoulders (eww I feel funny now) and pours himself into the fort
 >"When Empyrean Horrors invade our realm,"
 >"our Exorcisms shall hurl them back."
 >Suddenly Discord is ejected by a wave of [spoiler]throw pillows[/spoiler]
 >Fluttershy stands atop her ruined fort, triumphant.
 >"There is no Chaos spawned horror,"
 >"which can resist our indomitable anger."
 "That's it! No more fruit juice for you after 8!"
 
 >"Noh horruhioh shwal emih oh gahasy"
 >Fluttershy is trying to talk while brushing
 >You sigh and facepalm
 >Damit she was still too cute to be angry at
 >But you gotta wake up early to get to market, and she needs to take care of the chickens...
 >She spits, then looks hard in the mirror.
 >"no Immaterial Fiend shall be spared."
 >She smiles sweetly, then looks at her teeth
 "Looking for immaterial fiends in your teeth? Sure you're not confusing that with broccoli?"
 >Fluttershy gives you a resolute nod, and reaches for the mouthwash
 >"No Malevolent Spirit will oppose us,"
 >She pours a little of it into the cap, staring at it waaaay too intensely
 >"no Creation of Sin shall survive."
 "Ok. You finish up here, and if you put on your booties I'll tell you a story from home."
 >She lets out a muffled "eeeee", cheeks puffed out with swishing mouth wash
 >You smile and make your way down to her room
 >Flutters needs to wear her booties
 >So you should make sure it happens
 >Better safe than sorry
 
 >"No Unholy Deed shall go Unpunished, Anon!"
 >You sigh. Again.
 "I told you, I couldn't find your butterfly booties, you have to wear your kitten ones."
 >Fluttershy glares at you, kicking off one of the kitten booties you had successfully put on her hoof. "all Blasphemous Acts shall be Atoned."
 >You purse your lips
 "Fluttershy, I damn well weigh 3 times your weight. If you want to go, we can go."
 >Fluttershy flips over onto her hooves, and takes a fighting stance
 >"No Spawn of Misrule avoids us,"
 >"all are banished to the Void!"
 "So that's how this is gon' be."
 >You prepare for the fight of your life
 * * *
 "...and then Shrek punched Cyborg Hitman Ron Paul right in the dick. This is why Shrek is love, Shrek is life."
 >Fluttershy lets out a little yawn, nodding sleepily
 >"Mmnon?"
 "Yes, butterhush?"
 >Her hooves wrap over the blanket
 >They are covered in bunny-print booties
 >Hey. A truce was established. No biggie.
 >"Will nothing evade our cleansing fire?"
 >You nod, petting the top of her head
 >her ear flicks idly, and she smiles again
 >"No daemon or *yawn* spawn or renn'gade?"
 "Yes flutters, nopony. Now go on to sleep."
 >"Mmmm...divine blade...."
 >She falls silent, her chest rising and falling rythmically
 >You blow out her candle, and make your way out of the room, shutting the door behind you
 
 >You are passed right the fuck out
 >But you don't know that. You do know that you're the fucking Jedi master on Endor, fuckin' up storm troopers left and right
 >"Why can't we shoot him?!"
 >"Who the fuck built our rifles?!"
 "Tololo~"
 >*slice* *psheew* *slice*
 >Aww yeah, stormtrooper bits everywhere
 >Then the ewoks come
 >"Nub wub!"
 "Fuck... no just... go away..."
 >One of the ewoks waddles up and hugs you around the waist
 >Ugh noooo
 >"Snug wub! O-ok?"
 >Um. That's odd.
 >You roll over in your sleep, and feel something press into your abdomen
 >Ok, brain... I think it's time to turn off the screensaver
 >You awaken groggily
 >Rolling back onto your back you feel a weight on your abs
 >Or lack of abs
 >You feel a weight on your pillowy-soft stomach
 >"Heavenly Blessings are laid upon us,"
 >Lifting the covers, you see
 "F...fluttershy? What in th-"
 >The sound of thunder rumbles, and she tightens her grip on your waist
 >"t-the Warp is ours to Tame"
 "Oh. Were they supposed to have a storm tonight? I didn't see it in the papers..."
 >You reach down and rub her head, and she loosens up
 "So, you want to sleep with me tonight?"
 >You feel her nod on your stomach
 >"t-though there are tough sorceries against us, no witchcraft will bring our-"
 >*Crack-THOOM*
 >She tightens up around you again
 >You pet her head gently, and the rumble dissipates
 "Flutters, come on up here. You can lay on my chest."
 >Fluttershy scoots herself up your body, her muzzle finally poking out of your sheet
 >Your arms wrap around her body, and she snuggles into your frame
 "Better?"
 >She nods
 
 >You inhale deeply, waking from one of the best sleeps you've ever had
 >You're also really warm for some reason
 >You move your arm - oh. Right, Fluttershy
 >Looking down, she's apparently slipped off your torso in the night and is now nestled under your arm, her foreleg and wing draped over your chest
 >You slowly start to pull yourself out from under her
 >She mumbles a bit in her sleep, but doesn't wake
 >Gently you make sure she lays back down on your warm spot, covering her with the blankets again
 >Her brow furrows, and she paws sleepily where your body should be
 >"....heretic..."
 >Aww. Dis mare just earned herself some waffles
 >You stealthily make your way to your door, and open it slowly, being careful to-
 >"Yo Anon!"
 "Fuck!"
 >Discord yells at you from down the hallway as he notices your door open
 >"Can we break out the Waffles?"
 >"mn...f...Anon? Anon!"
 >You turn back to look at Fluttershy - she's panicking a bit, scrambling around under the blankets
 >Oh shit she forgot she came into your room
 >"Tough Spell or Incantation blocks us!"
 "Flutters, no - it's just the covers, cal-"
 >She flails off of the bed, hitting the ground with a thud.
 >"The Emperor shall see us Victorious!"
 >She continues to flail on the ground, just getting wrapped up even worse
 >You quickly move to help, untangling her as best you can
 >She pops up, her head breaking free of her cloth prison, eyeing you with sleepy determination and uncontrolled bedhead
 >"No Hex can overcome our determine."
 >You chuckle.
 "You ok there, yellowhush?"
 >She nods. "Our resolve is strong as steel."
 "Well good, cause Discord's makin' waffles."
 >"Oh, really? That's wonderful! Can we have the fresh butter, please?"
 >You pet her mane and nod, and she does a little happy wiggle
 "Come on, let's get presentable."
 
 >You help fluttershy get ready - combing her mane, remaking the bed
 >Little things, yanno
 >The smell of hot batter wafts up to the bedroom, and you and flutters make your way out
 >She flits up and perches on your shoulders, and you end up giving her a piggy-back ride down the stairs
 >being mindful of the rafters, of course
 >You round into the kitch-
 "Really, dude? Every time?"
 >"What?" Discord turns to look at you, decked out in full sexy french maid outfit
 "Nothing. How's the waffles?"
 >"Fluffy and filled with caramelized sugar crystals, per usual."
 >That's the odd thing about Discord. Chaos god, sure, but fuck all if he didn't make the best waffles every damn time
 >You plop Fluttershy down gently on her chair, and you take your seat
 >Soon a stack of waffles sits infront of both of you
 >Mmm. This is heaven.
 "Hey, can you gr-"
 >"On it!"
 >Discord opens the fridge and rummages around, grabbing the toppings
 >Mmmmmm good
 >He sets down everything and sits in the free seat, starting to slather on peanut butter and jam onto his waffle
 >hey, no judgement here
 >Fluttershy, however....
 >"There is much darkness awaiting us"
 "What is it now?"
 >Fluttershy points to the tub of butter
 "...ok?"
 >She turns it to face you
 >Merry Bell's 'I can't believe it's not from my tits!' brand margar- oh
 "Discord, we're out of butter?"
 >"Mmm." He nods, eating the plate. "But this stuff's just as good in a pinc-"
 >"yet the Emperor lights our path!"
 >Fluttershy, channeling her inner 5 month old, sweeps the tub off the table
 >"Hey!"
 "Fluttershy!"
 >"Falsehood surrounds us at every turn, Anon!"
 >She stares at the maple syrup bottle
 >Hard
 "Discord, wh-"
 >"yet no Traitor shall confound us!"
 >She punches the bottle of syrup, and you catch it from falling off the table
 >Looking at the label
 >'Lite Syrup - Now with 25% less fun!'
 >You stare at Discord as he wipes his face of some jam with his coffee
 >"....What?"
 >Fluttershy gives her waffles a silent look of sadness, betrayal and anger
 
 >So breakfast was finished
 >Fluttershy used her [spoiler]teary-eyed betrayal[/spoiler]stare to get Discord to 'port in some real butter and syrup
 >Now the two of you were working on spiffing up the chicken coop outside her home
 >First you shooed away the chickens
 >Which involved you basically shaking their coop while screaming "THE COLONEL COMES"
 >When they had fled, you started to take it apart piecemeal
 >Woo they were pissed
 >Crouching, you start to work away at the wire with your hands before you feel a nudge on your side
 >You turn
 >Fluttershy is holding a pair of pliers in her muzzle
 >She noseboops your side again, and you smile, taking them from her grip
 >She licks her lips a couple times, then looks at you
 >"This machine is discharged into your care."
 >Hoboy
 "Fluttershy, I wouldn't call this a ma-"
 >"Fight with this machine, and guard it from the shame of defeat."
 >She tilts her head over to the rooster, who's eyeing you like the dirty fuck he is
 >You give him a kissy face, and he scratches the ground fiercely
 >"Serve this machine, as you would have fight it for you."
 . . .
 >You just look at Fluttershy, then back at the Rooster, who spreads his wings like he's saying "come at me bro"
 "Fluttershy, are you saying you want me to fight? I don't believe I'm hear-"
 >"The absence of faith is the mark of the weak, Anon!"
 >You stare at Fluttershy
 >She breaks the gaze and paws at the ground. " 's also the mark of the heretic."
 >You sigh
 "Look, how about I just scare him off - is that better?"
 >She nods softly. "Be careful! Mr. Cock doesn't like it when his hens a-"
 >You break out laughing
 "Mr. Cock?! Really?!"
 >You stand up to your full height and walk over to the rooster, who's having second thoughts
 "Just... fuck off for 30 minutes, ok?"
 >He puffs up his chest, and you poke him with your boot
 >He falls over, before scrabbling back up and puffing out, threatening a beast 20 times his size
 >The hens are watching intently
 >Aah. You realize He's doing it for the chicks
 >You facepalm
 
 >You put on your scarf and a light jacket
 >It was still cool outside, and since you weren't doing more manual labor, the temperature would get to you
 >Reaching down to the hip-high hat rack, you brush against a pink mane
 "Oh! Fluttershy, I'm sorry. You going out too?"
 >Fluttershy looks up at you with puppy-dog eyes
 >oh dear
 >"Most powerful and glorious Emperor,"
 >Here it comes
 >"Who commands the winds and eddies of the galaxy"
 >Fluttershy presses your hoodie into your leg
 "You want another ride? Flutters, I dunno, you've been acting a bit w-"
 >"We miserable men are adrift in peril!"
 >She pouts, tearing up a bit
 >Stay strong, look away
 >She raises her forehooves in a silent plea
 >"We cry unto Thee for help"
 >You sigh
 >"Save us, or we will perish!"
 >You stare down at fluttershy again
 >lipquiver.gif
 >You walk out of the cottage, zipping up your hoodie.
 "You good?"
 >You feel a tiny lick on the bottom of your chin
 >"Mmmhmm!"
 >Looks like rarara is going to have a customer soon
 
 >Hmm. You didn't expect to have a little yoda joining you today
 >You idly rub your stomach - correction, you pet fluttershy through the hoodie as you think on where you should go first
 >You were going to go to the morgue - see if any of the bovine organ donors had died, but....
 >"O most High and Holy Emperor"
 >Fluttershy sticks her head out of your neckhole, stretching the fabric a bit uncomfortably
 "Yes, yellowhush?"
 >"I see Your light and feel Your presence"
 "Well that's good, Flutters. Mind if we go to rarara first? I'm going to have to invest in a two-person coat or something"
 >She eeees softly, wiggling her limbs under your coat
 >It makes your front look weeeeiiirrrddd
 >"Will it keep me safe from the void and vacuum, a-and see me home to the glory fields of war?"
 "Is that what you're calling your front garden now?"
 >You idly wave at Ponka, who waves back a bit too enthusiastically
 >Fluttershy nods. "T-the emperor is supposed to show us the path to victory."
 "Ok, but why is your vegetable garden called the glory fields of war?"
 >Fluttershy tries to turn her head and look at you, but succeeds in just smushing her cheek against yours. "S' cause we will produce it."
 >You groan and you can feel her smile
 >she giggles
 
 >You walk to rarara's with your strategically placed pegasus snuggled in under your hoodie
 >Well at least she had quieted down and was humming to herself
 >You pass by main street square, nodding to a couple ponies as you pass
 >Huh, did you know that son-
 >"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CULTISTS, YAY!"
 >What.
 >Fluttershy immediately ducks her head into your hoodie, her mane still sticking out of the neck hole
 >You turn to the sound of the yelling and find the CMC in an alleyway
 >Uh
 "What...what are you doing?"
 >Scootaloo waves enthusiastically at you ontop of an overturned cart
 >"Hi Mr. Anon! We're getting our Cutie Marks in the dark arts!"
 >Whelp. Time to nip this in the bud
 >Carefully
 >You walk into the alleyway and begin to take stock of their handywork
 >hoofiwork?
 >You stroke your flutterbeard in thought
 >They've upturned a cart
 >kicked some fliers about
 >and taken their crayons to EVERYTHING
 >Drawing pictures of corn, salamanders, smiling birds and frogs
 "Well... this is.... very well done, I have to give you that..."
 >The babby pones crowd around your knees, talking excitedly at you
 >You look closer at one of the corn drawings
 >It's wearing sunglasses
 >Huh. That's pretty cool.
 >Fluttershy squirms under your hoodie, and you unzip it, letting her tumble out gracefully...onto the assembled CMC.
 >"Girls! Oh, I'm sorry - but - but what did you do?"
 >Fluttershy turns her fall into a hug, snuggling the fillies
 >They try to escape, but it is futile
 >"We-we took a cart an this alleyway an doodled on everything!" Applebloom proclaims
 >"Oh, you can't just do that, girls! That's not nice!"
 >"But, but we captured it for chaos!" Sweetiebelle says, looking up at you with doe eyes
 >HNNNNG
 >Wait
 "You did this for Discord?"
 >They look at each other, then shake their heads
 "I think Flutters and I are gonna have a talk with him soon. Meanwhile, you three clean this up."
 >Awwinunison.mp3
 >Stay strong
 >Flutters nods, letting the girls go. "Come on, we'll help."
 >damnitflutters.png
 
 >You stare at your handiwork of cleaning up the alley
 >Everything is charred black, smouldering ash
 >Prooooooobably shouldn't have had the CMC lead the way
 >Though, to Sweetie Belle's point, fire DOES clean everything up
 >And like Applebloom says, if the cart doesn't exist anymore, can't it be considered 'clean'?
 >Pretty deep, that one
 >Fluttershy looks a bit sad, though
 >she kicks at the ground, letting out an adorable sigh
 "Aww. Come on, Flutters. We did our best - let's hit up Rara, hmm?"
 >She looks up at you
 >"I am ashamed of myself"
 "Flutters...."
 >You kneel down next to her, petting her gently
 >"I shall purify myself with the help of a pain glove!"
 >A whatnow?
 >She jumps up and bites your hand - you yell out in surprise, not pain
 >Rolling over, she spits out your hand on her tummy, then braces for bellyrubs
 >You laugh as you begin to rub
 >Sneaky-beaky
 >She coos softly, leg kicking
 "You know, eventually we do have to go."
 >"Mmmm...there is no enemy, Anon. Every battle is fought within."
 "Within my hoodie, maybe."
 >She nods in agreement
 
 >You scoop up Fluttershy from the pavement after your forced petting session
 >wow that sounded kinky
 >She latches onto your chest like... something that latches onto your chest
 >fuck you need some coffee or something - cleaning that alley wiped you out
 >You feel her snuggle in, and you zip up your hoodie once more
 >Now you've got a pink beard AND a pink... uh. crotch...flap
 >fuck maybe you shouldn't go to rarara's - she'd flip out
 >You sigh
 >Fluttershy looks up at you, booping the bottom of your chin with her nose
 "Y-yes...?"
 >"What's wrong?"
 "I just look so weird!"
 >Fluttershy dawws, then seriouses the fuck up
 >"You're rich! You're flashy!"
 >Ha ha what?
 >"You 'ave a proppa Orky stoutness about your belly!"
 >She wiggles her limbs and you feel yourself jiggle
 "Hey!"
 >You pull your hood up and tighten the strings, causing her to be shut out from the world
 >You feel flutter's mouth move against your neck
 >"OI! Lissen ta me wen I'z talkin' to ya!"
 >She wiggles her indignation
 >You have accepted that you look like a freak, and make your way to Rarity's post haste
 >Flutters begins to wiggle in time with her speaking
 >"Kill! Maim! Burn! Nap! Kill! Maim! Burn! Nap!"
 >Which is.... beginning to concern you
 
 >*chime*
 >The bell for Carousel Boutique sings it's song, slicing into the silence
 >woah, alliteration
 >"Coming~!"
 >You bend down and vomit fluttershy out from your horribly stretched hoodie
 >She lands gracefully on all hooves, looking up at you with a soft and so-innocent-I'm-planning-something giggle
 >"Me too! I'm helping!"
 >Well that's a voice you thought you left behind
 >Sweetiebelle rounds the corner, Rarity behind her
 >"Anonymous! Dear, it's been too lo-WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WORK?!"
 "Ha ha ha ha ha it's her fault."
 >You point directly to Fluttershy, who makes like a fainting goat and falls over
 >Sound effects included
 >"Anonymous, for shame! Don't blame gentle Fluttershy! Now you come over to my workstation and tell me why you're sorry for damaging all my hard work!"
 "But, but - but"
 >"Ah! None of that!"
 >She points to the stool of shame, and you trudge towards it, sitting down in a pout
 >"Fluttershy, can I help you?" Sweetiebelle says, trying her best to be a good host
 >Rarity nods approvingly
 >"Oh! Uh... no, I'm ok."
 >"Oh! Ok! Wanna help me glitter some paper!"
 >Fluttershy nods, smiling wide
 >"In the crafts area, Sweetie. And I'll not have your 'inspiration' move you to also glitter my walls like last week!"
 >"Aww, but the muses called to me!"
 >Sweetiebelle pouts, but quickly rebounds
 >"So, Fluttershy, do you have any advice for me?"
 >Fluttershy Seriouses the fuck up
 >uhoh
 >"Do not ask which creature screams in the night."
 >"Uh-"
 >"Do NOT question who waits for you in the shadow."
 >"Fluttershy! Do not talk to my sister li-"
 >You hold rarity back, silencing her with your hand.
 "Wait"
 >"It is my cry that wakes you in the night, and my body that crouches in the shadow."
 >Flutters looms over Sweetiebelle, and she begins to shake
 >"...sequins are better than glitter."
 >Sweetiebelle faints
 
 >Rarity paces back and forth
 >Every so often she stops and glares at Fluttershy
 >Flutters, for her part, is looking like the definition of remorseful, head lowered, cone of shame blocking her peripheral view
 >Sitting on what looks like a stool designed to be mildly uncomfortable
 >When Fluttershy does look up
 >All she sees is Rarity, and her disapproval
 >The corner of penance is hardcore, yo
 >"I just - I just don't get what's gotten INTO you, Fluttershy! How could my sweet, kind friend scare a filly into fainting?!"
 >Fluttershy looks up, raising a hoof
 >"NOT. NOW."
 >She lowers her hoof silently
 >Sweetiebelle is sleeping sweetly on an emergency fainting couch that's sized just for her
 >Awww
 >You, for the most part, are leaning against the wall, just watching it all unfold
 >Tiny horse drama is best drama
 >Rarity sighs. "Just... let's start with why, because I already know who, what and how."
 >Flutters puffs her tuft out a bit, and responds
 >"Y-you must face the truth squarely and without flinching from duty."
 >Rarity stops, staring intently at her friend
 >She turns her hoof in the universal gesture for "go on..."
 >Fluttershy points a hoof at the sleeping sweetiebelle. "Our enemies are mortal no longer!"
 >"NO. Stop. You're talking crazy again."
 >"B-but I live only to bring cleansing fire..."
 >Rarity turns to face you, looking at you with a silent plea
 >You shrug
 >ain't got nothin, lol
 >"Get... get Twilight. She's got to have a book or something about this..."
 >Flutters perks up. "Yes! Take up your rod and staff and go forth!"
 >Rarity rubs her temples silently
 "A-alright. I"ll just..."
 >"Yes, dear. Do hurry."
 >"Don't forget your armour and psycannon!"
 >"THE CORNER OF PENANCE DOES NOT HAVE SPEAKING PRIVILEGES"
 >Ha ha that's your cue to get outta dodge
 
 >"I am the hammer!"
 >*clink*
 "Ugh... I swear, if Discord is still having her clean up after him..."
 >"I am the hate!"
 >*worryingly-loud clink*
 >Nope nope nope
 >Fluttershy is alone in the kitchen, and loud noises like that aren't good
 >You hop up off of the couch, and powerwalk... mildly quick into the kitchen
 >Although you've seen explosions and SPACE BEARS and giant cockroaches, it doesn't seem like any pony is actually ever hurt...
 >*squelch*
 >Mmmmmmnope
 >You peek into the corner and see Fluttershy with a butterknife in her mouth, the peanut butter jar sticking to it
 "Fluttershy, what? Did you want a san-"
 >She tilts her head and turns around to face you - still holding onto the knife, the jar now parallel to the floor.
 >"Ah m' he hip ohf th Sheer wewdeh n Hiih Hambs!"
 >She stares determinedly at you
 >sighinwardly.wav
 "Can I help you..."
 >What was it twilight said? "play to her delusions to calm her down?"
 "....uh...vanquish the peanutbutter?"
 >Fluttershy nods, wiggling the jar in your general direction
 >You take it - and the...slobbery knife - well, this will just be HER jar, then - and begin to spread the spread on the bread
 >hehe
 >Flutter's jaw rests on the kitchen counter, staring at your amazing sandwitchmaking skills
 "So...what's up...hero of the imperium?"
 >"The Enemy knows, Anon."
 "o-oh?"
 >She glares at the peanut butter as it meets it's bready demise
 >"...The enemy will Remember this day."
 >You chuckle softly, finishing the PB and moving to the J
 >One spoonful
 >She whines
 >...Two spoonfulls
 >Bambi eyes enga-
 "THREE is all you get, Flutters. This is pure sugar."
 >You finish spreading the jelly and the two sides meet
 >In a flash her muzzle slides under your hand and bites the sandwich before you can cut it
 "Hey!"
 >"TIFF IF OHR MEMORIAHL, ANON. VE HAFF ALREADEE WOHN"
 >She makes a dash for the warm part of the couch, and you sigh
 "So no milk then?"
 >You grin as the sound of hurried hoofsteps come back to you
 
 >"The Codecks Astartees does naht support eet, Ahnown!"
 >You just look at fluttershy, eyebrow raised high
 "Where....did that accent even come from? What?"
 >You turn off the spout, steam rising from the bathtub
 >You're here because (1) Fluttershy still can't be trusted with miniatures
 >You eye the rubber ducky warily
 >And (2) Because 'being cleansed with fire and the blood of the heretic' is not a substitute for a real bath
 >She looks at the tub, then at you uncertainly
 "It's ok, Flutters. See?"
 >You splash in the tub, smiling
 "Come on."
 >Fluttershy scrunches
 >Why...is it always a battle...
 >Sighing you get up
 >"Oua perimeter has been pruhpeared in the even dat oua enehmies should be so bald and so foolish!"
 >She spreads her hooves, wings flared, adopting a fighting stance!
 >Wordlessly, you bend down and pick her up, hugging her against your chest
 >Flutters squirms, muttering something about "It is the enemeh who will tehste deff and defeat"
 >She tries to walk away at a slightly hurried pace
 >In your arms
 >. . .
 >You gently lower her into the warm bath
 >Her flanks hit the water and she gasps, then coos softly, nuzzling your neck before you let her go
 >She scoots down a bit, her wings opening again to let the warmth in
 "Now... that's not so bad, hmm?"
 >Blushing, she turns her head, grabbing Mr. Ducky and plopping him in the water with her
 "Well. Would you like Bubbly Berry Blast, or Foamy Orange Peach?"
 >She looks up into your eyes, as serious as a heart attack
 >Or...as serious as a fluffy tiny horse can get
 >"The EMPRAH wahnts the won allowing for muhltiple, simuln-tehneous and devashtehting defensive deep strikes"
 "So... Orange Peach then."
 >She nods as Mr. Ducky defends the perimeter from the foaming bubbles with many 'pew pew' noises
 
 >"A spiritu dominatus"
 >You sigh softly, watching Flutters in the bath
 >"Domine, libra nos"
 >She's created vestments out of bubbles, and is talking to her 'congregation' of floaty bath toys
 >"From the lightning and the tempest, Emperor, deliver us."
 >She looks at you when she says Emperor
 >You quirk your eyebrow, reaching for a cup
 >Time to wash out the conditioner from her mane
 >You fill it up, and she starts to scoot away - hooves coming up to defend her bubble-halo
 >"Our Emperor, deliver us, from the scourge of the Kraken!"
 "Flu-Fluttershy, Flut- No. I'm-stop!"
 >She scoots away and around the bath from your deadly cup of water, starting to slosh the bathwater onto the floor
 >You use your other arm as a barricade, and slowly close her avenue of escape
 >It's either go under the water or get doused
 >"Noooooo Emperroooorrrr~"
 >She whines as her bubblehalo slips, and you take the chance to pour the water on her
 >She looks at you like you're the reason old yeller isn't around anymore
 >"W-when it's all over, w-hen I'm *sniff* wiser and I'm o-older~"
 >You roll your eyes
 "Are you done?"
 >She murmurs something you can't hear and sinks below the water
 "Hmm. You know, I could be convinced to make some hot chocolate before bed toni-"
 >Fluttershy leaps up out of the water like jaws, her hooves wrapping around your neck
 >You slip forward and are half-dragged back into the bath, Fluttershy making light growling and soft rawring noises
 "Ok ok ok, the great predator has taken down the Kraken! Gah - you've ruined this shirt, yanno..."
 >Fluttershy looks into your eyes, her wet mane draped across her face
 >"Marshmallows, Anon."
 >You sigh
 "Yes, Flutters. Marshmallows too."
 >She smiles and sinks back under the waves
 
 >You sigh as you slowly temper the chocolate
 >Seeing as how instant cocoa doesn't EXIST IN THIS FUCKING DIMENSION
 >You have to do it the old fashioned way
 >The slow, labor-intensive old fashioned way
 >Granted, that means real chocolate, real milk - 10,000 calories in a cup
 >But it tasted GREAT
 >You stir the chocolate, making sure it didn't start to stick or burn
 >A scrunched-up yellow muzzle is ever-present in your periphery, warm eyes scrutinizing your every move
 >So yanno
 >no pressure
 "Flutters, you're... kinda making me nervous. You sure you don't want to sit down...?"
 >She hovers closer to you
 >Closer....
 >don't make eye contact
 >That's the signal for attack
 >don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook
 >"Believe, Anon."
 >Her breath is hot against your neck
 "O-oh...?"
 >Well it's kinda nice she has trust in your skills after a-
 >"Don't believe in yourself."
 >Wait
 "What?"
 >This is not the after-school special moral message you were expecting
 >"N-no! Don't believe in yourself! Believe in the me, who believes in you believing in me who wants to believe, believing in us, belief."
 >. . .
 >The sound of the spoon stirring against the pot breaks the silence
 >A soft, warm, wet feeling is felt on your neck
 >Did she just lick you?!
 >You turn your head to say something, but she takes the opportunity to boop you with her nose, flying away with a soft giggle
 
 *****
 >"O-oi! You gitz!"
 >The entire market turns to you, and you sigh
 >All you wanted to do was pick up some apples
 >Fluttershy is perched on your head, her legs lazily dangling just outside of your peripheral vision
 >You really wish flutters would stop this, but... it's entertaining, and she doesn't hurt anyone
 >The consensus of the town is basically to let it run it's course, then she'll go back to normal for a few days
 >"I-I's the fluffiest and the snuggliest, so I's the one in charge!"
 >A few ponies seem to be mulling this information over
 >A green pone steps out of the crowd, smiling softly. "Ok, boss! So what's the plan?"
 >Wait, what?!
 >They're PLAYING ALONG?!
 >This isn't good
 >"Uuuhmmm...."
 >Flutters looks around, finally settling on the one thing out of place in this town
 >The crystal castle
 >"We needs us some dakkas and stabby bits! To the castle!"
 >She inhales deeply
 >"Roar!"
 >Like, she didn't actually roar, she just yelled out the word roar
 >You sigh, but the ponies all cheer
 >Your warband makes its way through town to the castle
 >Fluttershy barking orders the whole time
 >"H-hey everyone! What do I owe the surprise?"
 >Twilight, all smiles, trots down from her throne
 >The assembled townsponies wave, bow, or a mixture of the two
 >"We's here ta decide who's da poniest warboss!"
 >Fluttershy fluffles up, her legs wiggling slightly from the effort
 >Twilight scrunches up, fluffling as well
 >Uh
 >She hops onto your leg, snuggling you tightly
 >"Grr!" She growls, grinning up at you
 >"Raar!" Fluttershy responds, snuggling the top and back of your head
 >The rest of the ponies break out into song or some shit
 >All you wanted was to get some fucking apples.
 
 >>23184313
 >"N-naughty words anger the Anomnissiah!"
 >You sigh softly
 >The scrabbling sound of hooves-on-metal soon gives way to a robed Fluttershy draped over your pauldron
 >Her robe has dark, machine-like symbols stitched into it
 >Like bunnies
 >And rainbows
 >And it's really just her bathrobe but with a paper gear pinned to the back
 >It's not your fault she demanded to coordinate all the costumes
 >You were offered power armor
 >POWER ARMOR
 >You're going to wear it
 >Fuck being the summer bunny
 >You hated that costume
 >And you'd have to carry flutters in a large basket while she tossed out candy to strangers
 >Bleh
 >"T-The Anomnissiah demands you apologize to his glorious tool!"
 >Ha ha what
 "What?"
 >She turns to look at you. "I-isn't that part of the deal? You're a massive machine?"
 >Yeah you are
 >"Well, I won't argue that he's a massive tool" Rarity helpfully chirps
 >"Shush! Heretic Infedel Traitor Scum Mutant Xenos Communist Nazi!"
 "Fluttershy!"
 >"Well she said a no-no word!"
 "That's true...but still. Be nice."
 >She scrunches at you
 >"F-fine. I'm going to go adjust things."
 >Wait wut
 >You hear her scrabble behind your back, and then
 >Silence
 >.....
 >You and Rarity look at each other
 >She shrugs
 >You shrug, and your cape eeps
 "Flutters? You ok?"
 >"I-I'm f-fine, Anomnissiah!"
 "You don't sound fine."
 >"J-just a little stuck!"
 >"In his cape?! How di-"
 >"ADJUSTMENTS"
 "What kind of adjustments were you doing back there?"
 >"NON-TRAITOROUS ONES"
 "Like....ok just Rarity can you-"
 >"Sure thing dear just turn aro-"
 >You hear a long, continuous pout-whine as you turn back around
 >"Fluttershy we- HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!"
 >"DO NOT QUESTION THE MACHINE-SPIRIT'S CHOSE-"
 >"BUT YOUR LEGS, DARLING!!"
 >You stare off into your room, wondering where it all went wrong
 
 ****
 >>23028012
 "What?"
 >Fluttershy sits on the couch, her head tilted back to look at you coming in from the kitchen
 >"In war there is poetry; In death, release."
 >Ok. It's far too late for this - you're gonna mess with her
 "Hmm. Did you know that the French call the orgasm the little death?"
 >Fluttershy blushes and turns away, looking down
 >You round the couch and place her cocoa on the table infront of her
 >Well. It *might* be cocoa. There's a raft of marshmallows on top, per her request
 >"B-but blood for the blood go-"
 >fuckery #2 incoming
 >You moan softly
 >"A-ah!?"
 >She turns to look at you, but you hide your smirk behind your mug
 >Silently she studies your face
 "Mmm?"
 >"N-nothing...."
 >She mumbles something like "filthy xeno temptress" before picking up her mug with both hands, taking a long sip
 >You sit with her in the companionable silence, enjoying the diabeetus-inducing drink
 "So... Fluttershy."
 >"Mmmn?"
 "Do you think you're going to be able to sleep on your own tonight?"
 >She turns to look at you, the fluff of melted marshmallows sticking to her muzzle
 >After some thought, she shakes her head
 >"T-the Codex Astartes does not support this action, A-anon."
 "So what DOES it support?"
 >Flutters puts down her mostly-empty mug, standing up on the couch to face you
 >Maybe... you shouldn't have messed with her so much?
 >She walks over to you, putting her muzzle juuuust a bit too close to your face for comfort
 >"I-it supports multiple, simultaneous, p-penetrating...."
 >She licks the marshmallow off of her muzzle, wetting her lips
 >"....deep strikes."
 "Wh-ah, uh... fuh?"
 >Brain is confused, Boner is rising to the occasion
 >Giggling, she hops off the couch, sauntering off to the bathroom
 >"I see someone failed to deny the witch."
 "Y-you too."
 >D-damnit Fluttershy
 
 >>23052233
 >"Hmm-mmm, Mmm-mmmhmm~"
 >You hear the nonsensical tune being hummed from the bathroom
 >Meh
 >You pull back the covers slightly, smoothing them out in preparation for the sleepytime nap club meeting
 >Water running.... and there we are
 "Flutters? You ready?"
 >"Y-yes?"
 >She steps into the doorway from the bathroom, her onesie bunny pajama hanging loose on her body
 >The bunny booties making soft *squeakle* sounds on the floor
 "So you suited up, ready for combat?"
 >She nods. "Heretics crave the cleansing fire of absolution, Anon." She raises a fuzzy hoof, pointing it at you. "We shall deliver it to them."
 "That's why you needed your favorite PJs tonight?"
 >She nods in determination
 "S...sure, but first we need to sleep. Come on."
 >You step around her and turn off the bathroom light
 >You hear the startled hoof-squeaks of Fluttershy as the room is plunged in relative darkness
 >"We are beset by many terrible foes in these dark times!"
 "Flutt-flutter, no, just relax, let your eyes adjust."
 >"Mmmmnnnn~"
 "Are you scrunching, young lady?"
 >"N-noo~"
 >Well. Thankfully, you're already adjusted to the light, so you bend down and pick her up, dropping her on the bed
 >She walks around in a circle before laying down, looking up at you
 >You slide in next to her, pulling the sheets out from under Flutters, covering you both
 >Her body shuffles, and her muzzle squirms out of the top of the covers
 >she sighs contentedly. "Y-you're an angel..."
 "Aww, well tha-"
 >"At your passing, a million voices will cry out your name~"
 >. . .
 "Have you been watching Star Wars without me?"
 >Her body shuffles, and her muzzle silently disappears under the blankets once more
 
 >>23120929
 F-for you
 
 >You feel a warm hoof nudge your side, rocking you gently
 "Mmf."
 >It's one way to wake up.
 >"Discipline leads to Victory, Anon."
 >You crack open your eyes to a slightly-concerned Fluttershy gently using her whole bodyweight to rock you back and forth
 "Fluttershy, it's..."
 >You look at the clock
 "3AM, what the hell?"
 >"Victory brings Immortality. Do you want to live forever, Anon?"
 "Whmm?"
 >She starts to knead your side absent-mindedly, like a cat
 "Uh. What?"
 >Come on brain, don't quit on me now
 >"I-I want to cleanse myself in the crimson waters of our enemies-"
 "You want a glass of water?"
 >She nods
 >You stare at her for a few more moments
 >She uses poutyface
 "Uhhhn..."
 >Groaning, you sit up, tossing the covers away
 "Cold or warm?"
 >"C-cold, like steel."
 "Mmmm."
 >After a few moments you return with a glass of water, a few ice cubes floating captive in their glass prison
 >. . . you gotta start hanging out with other pones than flutters
 >She takes it with both hooves, drinking deeply
 >"Ah!" she gasps after quenching her thirst, hoofing it back to you
 "You sure you don't want to finish it...?"
 >You take the glass, watching her shimmy back down under the covers
 >She nods. "We give bloody praise to you, Lord of Pleasure! We'll sing your name as we dan-"
 "Woah woah woah. This isn't that kinda thread [spoiler]yet[/spoiler]."
 >She giggles, fluffing herself out
 >Sighing, you place the water on the bedside table, sliding back under the covers
 >At least she was warm
 >And happy - she half-climbs, half-squirms to your side
 >She rests her head on the crook of your shoulder, her tiny hooves wrapping around your arm
 >She mumbles something
 "Hm?"
 >"I am glad I lived to see this"
 "F-flutters, I was just giving you wate-"
 >"To see first hoof the evil we dedicate our lives to fight, pure and raw."
 "Thirst is a serious enemy to defeat."
 >You feel her nod
 "Goodnight, Flutters.
 >"A-ave Imperator"
 >Close enough
 
 >>23478315
 >A yellow hoof points at twist accusingly from within your stolen hoodie
 >It was now her "tech robes" because of all the scribbles and hoofpaint she put on it
 >That shit better wash out
 >"Even though you called her friend, the Traitor has forsaken you!"
 >Twist shrinks down in her seat, looking at the assembled class
 >"Fluttershy!"
 >Cheerilee scolds her, but Flutters continues, undaunted
 >"Show no mercy even if she begs it, for her soul is tainted and given the opportunity she will betray your trust!"
 >Twist openly bursts into tears
 "Flutters! We do not speak about gingers like that to their face!"
 >You advance from the corner, hands on your hips
 >Your best frowny-face on
 >She looks at you defiantly, continuing her sermon
 >"Those of you gathered before me have been chosen to reside within the mighty machines of the Adeptus Titanicus. Let their will guide you. Become one with them! Arise!"
 >She rummages around in her pockets, and starts throwing nuts and bolts at the children. "Remember as you enter battle, you are but a part of the whole. You are but one amongst millions. Remember that your weapons are more than metal-"
 >The foals all begin to cry and run around, avoiding the chunks of metal the best they can
 >Cheerilee begins doing damage control
 "Ok I'm all for annoying children but I have to draw the line at turning them into half-machine abominations. Come on, it's nap time."
 >You get behind Flutters and pull the hoodie up, making sure to cover her eyes
 >"Ah! It's so dark! Anon has turned from the light and fallen!"
 >She starts wiggling her head from side to side, but you keep the pressure on
 >Picking her up and turning her onto her back seems to calm her down further
 >"I-is... is it night time? That...that seemed quick...."
 >After a few moments she stops wigglethrashing
 >"G-goodnight moon....goodnight bunnies.... goodnight Anon...."
 "Goodnight, Fluttershy."
 >Amidst the wails of the children she smiles, falling fast asleep
 >Silly birdhoers
 
 >>24254521
 >Flutterbutter stares at you menacingly
 >.... I mean, actually menacingly. And this has nothing to do with her hopping up on the coffee table - where she KNOWS she's not allowed - and staring into your eyes
 >And doing this during movie night!
 >No, it's because when you started to talk to Discord about immortality and how to get over being bored as fuck after the first 10K years, she decided to interrupt
 >"Anon! You don't understand!"
 >. . .
 "...alright, buttercup hush, educate me."
 >"I-it's simple. Discipline leads to V-victory."
 "So why did you jump up on the tab-"
 >"And VICTORY in war brings immortality!"
 >You turn to Discord who... half-heartedly shrugs
 >So, some truth to th-
 >"A-and Immortality is the Gift of Chaos."
 >You turn your torso towards your bro, who's shaking his head. "Staying the same forever? How exactly is that me?!"
 >*tak*
 >You turn
 >Fluttershy is breathing heavily after her mighty hoofstomp
 >She broke an entire snack pretzel with her rage!
 >Woah
 >"I-in exchange, Chaos demands Blood!"
 >"N-now wait just a minute here, I grew out of that phase - I haven't listened to HIM or MCR in millennia, and-"
 >"BLOOD MUST EVER BE SPILT-"
 >She launches herself at you, at a ferocious 2mph
 >You barely manage to move your popcorn bowl out of your lap and pat down your legs for her to land
 >WITNESSME.WITNESS
 >"Eternaaalll Waaaaaarrrrrrr"
 >You feel a light gnawing on your shirt
 >. . . ok, mental note: no more action flicks, ever.
 >Time to go back to Bambi [spoiler]vs. Godzilla[/spoiler]
 "Flutters."
 >"Aaarhmmmmmmhmmmmm~"
 >She looks up at you with the crazed conviction of a cultist
 "Turritopsis dohrnii is an immortal jellyfish that lives in your western sea - assuming this is just bizzaro earth - and during it's life cycle it can choose to grow old, grow young, and even go back to being an embryo."
 >The gnawing stops
 "...so. Eternal War, or Jellyfish - same thing."
 >You've never seen a pony pout so hard with your shirt in their mouth
 
 >>24279659
 >Ok. All sweets are placed in tightly-sealed jars
 >The couch and coffee table has been cleaned up
 >"P-Peace is a Lie, anon. THERE IS ONLY PASSIO-"
 "YOU ARE IN TIME OUT, YOUNG LADY."
 >Fluttershy huffs in the corner, stomping her legs in irritation
 >She does more to sway her own body than, yanno, hit the ground
 >But no more sass outta her!
 "What in the world got into you?! Accusing Discord of all that stuff - and then attacking me?!"
 >"I-I'm sorry, An-anon... It's just..."
 >She turns her head to look at you, her body facing the corner
 >"Through passion I gain strength."
 >Nah-uh
 >We been through this little bit
 "Fluttershy, you are not a god of Chaos, and you're not an emotions eater - no matter what those ratty birds tell you outside -"
 >Fluttershy narrows her eyes at you. "Bloodfeast Ravenmoon Cawshiny XVII is *not* a ratty bird!"
 >OH GOD the ravens here are like livejournal made flesh
 "Hey, don't you raise your tone at me young la-"
 >"Through STRENGTH I gain VICTORY!"
 >Shit, not this immortality bullshit again
 >She spins, flaring her wings out
 >You slowly reach down to the couch, picking up the last line of defense you own
 >some idle down flutters out from the quick movement of her wings as she tenses up
 >... oh shit she was standing over a vent! That's why she's so fluff-
 >"IMMORTAL VICTORRRYYYY--"
 >she leads another blindingly-fast 2mph charge at your shins
 >You toss the heaviest comforter you own infront of you, like a net
 >...what? You like to be comfy as fuck during movie night
 >......don't judge me
 >The blanket lands on her with a soft *pomf*
 >"THROUGH VICTORY MY CHAINS ARE BROKEN! BROOOKEEENNNN-"
 >With a soft thud she falls on her side
 >You can just make out her kickyhooves against the fabric
 >Really, it just looks like a cat got stuck under a blanket
 >"Nnh! V-victoryyyyy..... v-v....mmmmmmmmm...."
 >The kickies slow down
 >There we go
 >You scoop up Fluttershy as she squirms in your arms
 >Maybe by tomorrow morning things'll be right as rain
 
 >>24379215
 >"You weedy grotz!"
 >Fluttershy breaks your neck in rage
 >And by that, you mean she snuggles your head just a *little* bit tighter
 >Wearing a pony for a hat against your will yet again, you walk around town
 >thesnuggleisreal
 >"By the Emperor's ever-expanding lap, WE MARCH!"
 "Fluttershy can you at least stick to one stereotype? Shopping is hard enough al-
 >"OI OI OI OI OI OI WUT'S ALL DIS DEN?!"
 >A grey-coated earth pony stands in your path
 >She looks... beautiful. Sleek body, bright eyes, shiny white teeth that you don't have to brush
 >....for a brief moment Flutters had a thing for a "nurgle", whatever that was
 >vietnamflashback.gif
 >And she grins, opening her cute little mou-
 >"YOU 'AVIN A GIGGLE WIT DE HUMIE, M8?"
 >oh shit that was horrible
 >You feel your hat tremble
 >"I'LL BUST YER 'EAD IN I SWEAR ON ME MUM" Fluttershy roars
 >"OI OI OI YA GIT"
 >The earthpony arches her back, giving her best pouty face
 >You feel the fluff slowly expand ontop of your head
 >. . .
 >The challenger looks at you, then at the ground, then at you - all while maintaining the pout
 >Sighing, you kneel
 >Fluttershy's overly-excited leg-wiggles compelling you, you lean forward
 >"OI YE FUKIN' CHAV-"
 >"NO DAKKA NO CHOPPA NOT A PROPPA-"
 >The earth pony's chest gently bumps against your head as a titanic battle rages just above you
 >You think
 >Slowly you reach up and pick fluttershy off of you, setting her down to face her challenger on equal hoofing
 >eer, footing
 >damn horse world
 >They bump into each other a few more times
 >"YOU'S A TINY GUBBINS-"
 >"OI DAT'S NOT EVEN PROPPA BRITBONG YA DAFT CU-"
 >Pressing hard, they rear on their hind legs, trying to ... I guess get their head ontop of the challenger?
 >Horse fighting is *weird*
 >"WOT WOT WOT WOT WOT-"
 >You sigh
 >Maybe you can grab a cider before something happens
 >"WHIMSY POP BIBBLINS TARDIS FALKLANDS-"
 >....
 >Celestia doesn't pay you enough for this shit
 
 >>24488860
 >"WHAT HO, YOUNG ADVENTURER?"
 "Fluttershy I swear if you'-GOHWHATHTEFUCK-"
 >Fluttershy(?) stands before you
 >But she uh
 >She's ripped as FUCK
 >Like, take an athletic pone like Applejack
 >Give her Bulk Biceps' muscles
 >Then add on about another 60lbs of muscle
 "Fluttershy, what the hell?! H-how?!"
 >"OATS AND SQUATS, LITTLE ONE. I MADE THE HAPPY MISTAKE OF HAVING BREAKFAST, THEN SQUATTING UNDER THE TABLE TO GET THE SPOON I DROPPED."
 >ohshit was this why you never saw any non-earth hoers do work?! THIS shit happens?!
  >Fluttershy continues to talk as a bird swoops down and perches on her head. "WHEN I STOOD BACK UP, I BECAME THE GLORIOUS HEROINE YOU SEE BEFORE YOU."
 >The bird takes on a gritty stoicness as Fluttershy continues to talk
 >....how the fuck did this bird grow stubble in 5 seconds-
 >"-AND SO I WILL TRAVEL THIS WORLD, RIGHTING WRONGS AND BRINGING JUSTICE."
 "Uh... but doesn't the guard do that?"
 >Fluttershy chuckles softly, shaking her head
 >Well, more like her head bobs slightly to and fro on her MASSIVE FUCKING NECK
 >"BUT CAN THE GUARD DO THIS?"
 >Nonono whatever it is don't do it
 "Flutters we can talk it ou-"
 >"I CAST WINGBONER!"
 >The force from her wings extending explodes her little cottage almost instantaneously
 >It cuts through the atmosphere to space itself, clouds parting violently in it's wake
 >The pressure wave is deafening - and you're bodily lifted and flung through the air like a ragdoll
 >From your vantage point, you look back at Flutters, who seems to be laughing triumphantly
 >Even that fucking bird has it's chest puffed out, tiny muscles flexing
 >"AND NOW TO PUNCH THE SUN!"
 >Today was a 'fucking muscle wizards, like all wizards, have no sense of right and wrong.' kinda day