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return {
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	"PotatOS:\nThe OS YOU can rely on.\npastebin run RM13UGFa",
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	fetch "https://r.osmarks.net/fortune/"
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	function() return fetch "https://osmarks.tk/random-stuff/fortune/" end,
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	function()
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		local p = find_player_nearby()
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		if p then
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			return ("Hello, %s, armour value %d, health %.1f. We know where you live. Install potatOS."):format(p.account, p.armor, p.health)
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		end
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		return false
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	end,
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	"Item Disposal as a Service:\nSend items to EnderStorage Black/Black/Black for them to be automatically disposed of.",
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	"ShutdownOS: Shutdown brought to the masses.\nDownload today: pastebin run QcKBFTat",
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	"Visit GMart, north of spawn, or else!",
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    "Weren't these ads written for CodersNet and not here?"
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}