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| 1 | >You are Anon | |
| 2 | >You're relaxing on front porch just outside of Ponyville, enjoying the crisp morning air while you watch the gentle wind carry away the smoke from your imported minotaurian cigar | |
| 3 | >You had to kick that mint green mare off your bench again this morning | |
| 4 | >Annoying, for sure, but you did like the part where she found out what a taser was. | |
| 5 | >That was neat. | |
| 6 | >You're stirred from your fond reminiscence by the sight of a large shadow rapidly approaching your door | |
| 7 | >Looking up, you see the source | |
| 8 | >It's your protege and newest employee, Gilda. | |
| 9 | >She kills her velocity with one flap of her powerful wings, landing with a finesse that greatly understates her preternatural talent in flying | |
| 10 | "You're late." | |
| 11 | >"Late? It's 8am!" she growls | |
| 12 | "No, It's 8:01, and I said 8 o'clock SHARP. This is a bad first impression, bird brain." | |
| 13 | >"Anon, it's not like you really care-" | |
| 14 | >You grab her by the scruff of her downy neck, pulling her head towards your own while you look her dead in the eye | |
| 15 | "First lesson, catbutt: For the purposes of today's instruction, you will address me as 'Mr. Anonymous', or 'sir', got it?" | |
| 16 | >Beneath her disinterested look, you see a faint glimmer of nervousness. | |
| 17 | >"Uhh, sur-" | |
| 18 | "Don't interrupt me. Secondly: any laziness or procrastination will be taken as incompetence, no exceptions." | |
| 19 | >Her composure is holding for now, you'll deal with that later. She hesitates just a bit; | |
| 20 | >"Yes, Mr. Anonymous." | |
| 21 | "Good!" You exclaim, throwing your cigar away, not looking at her as you rise to your feet. "We're gonna have fun today, you'll see." | |
| 22 | >"Cool." Gilda says as she starts to follow you onto the street | |
| 23 | >You turn around and glare at her | |
| 24 | >"Uh, yes sir." | |
| 25 | ||
| 26 | "So, Gilda," you say as you and the gryphon walk to center of town. "Tell me what you already know about the business." | |
| 27 | >"Well, we sell weed to ponies, and some-" | |
| 28 | "Don't sell me short, catbird. I offer diverse psychosomatic entertainment solutions to paying customers. Our vertical integration allows me to offer lower prices, undercutting the competition." | |
| 29 | >"Dweeby talk, whatever," | |
| 30 | >You should be furious, but... | |
| 31 | "Ok, 'Dweeb'? Who the fuck says 'dweeb' anymore, seriously? Where are we, on the set of Animal House? You don't look like John Belushi to me." | |
| 32 | >"Wha-?" | |
| 33 | "You know what, never mind. That was a human joke." | |
| 34 | >You explain to her a bit more of the business: You have a deal with the diamond dog mine outside of Ponyville. | |
| 35 | >You use the excess space to grow the good stuff, and in return, they get just a bit of the total profit. | |
| 36 | >Gilda walks ahead of you, and you find it hard to find words. | |
| 37 | >You haven't been entirely honest as to why you brought Gilda on. | |
| 38 | >Yeah, she's tough, and has a mind as sharp as her talons, and she seems to be friendly with you, but... | |
| 39 | >It's her butt, you see. Her perfectly toned, muscular gryphon ass is a work of perfection, and you are helpless to do anything but stare at her. | |
| 40 | >Finally you arrive at your 'office': The ally behind sugarcube corner. | |
| 41 | >where the magic happens | |
| 42 | >As you pass the back door, you look inside, and notice Pinkie and the Cakes scrambling to meet the midday rush. | |
| 43 | >You turn to Gilda and mummer: "Look at those assholes, ordinary fucking ponies. I hate 'em." | |
| 44 | ||
| 45 | "Ok G, here's how this works. You're my enforcer. That means your job is to look tough, while I sell. Got it? | |
| 46 | >"Yes, sir." | |
| 47 | "You're getting better at this. Also: don't actually start any fights, just act aggressive. Cool? Anyways, here's our first customer of the day." | |
| 48 | >You look up to see a nervous looking pony, starting down the alley, | |
| 49 | >Her coat is yellow, with an orange mane | |
| 50 | >She looks really strung out | |
| 51 | "Ah, Golden Harvest! How are you?" | |
| 52 | >"Dude... bro. I need the green, man. From the... green man. Hah Hah! I'm funny!" | |
| 53 | "Yes you are, carrot top," You gently chuckle. "35 bits an ounce." | |
| 54 | >"Expensive, fuck..." | |
| 55 | >Gilda gets jumpy at that last comment. She gets right in her face | |
| 56 | >"What the fuck did you just fucking say? Fucking Dweeb!" | |
| 57 | >You put your hand on Gilda's chest to hold her back, but it's too late. | |
| 58 | >"35, right, goodbye!" Golden Harvest just about throws you the money and sprints out of the alley. | |
| 59 | "Too much, G." You say. "Don't actually be intimidating, just look the part." | |
| 60 | >She fumes a bit, mad at herself. | |
| 61 | ------ | |
| 62 | >Next customer | |
| 63 | >It's the local dragon | |
| 64 | "Spike, buddy!" | |
| 65 | >"Wazzup, my zigga!" Spike grins ear to ear as he walks up to the pair | |
| 66 | "Not much, just showing my new partner Gilda here the business." | |
| 67 | >"The bizzle, for hizzle!" | |
| 68 | >You frown | |
| 69 | "Spike, never say that again. Ever." | |
| 70 | >You turn to Gilda. | |
| 71 | "G, Spike gets a free joint every week. Compliments of the house, I just feel bad that he has to live with straight-edge Celestia-fearing Princess Richard Nixon." | |
| 72 | >"Nyx- who?" | |
| 73 | "Never mind, that's another human joke. Now remember, don't let purplebitch see you with that." | |
| 74 | ||
| 75 | >You're Gilda | |
| 76 | >This new job is really cool | |
| 77 | >You get paid to be an asshole! How sweet is that? | |
| 78 | >You bet Dash would be jealous | |
| 79 | >Plus you get to smoke all the weed you could possibly want after work | |
| 80 | >But there's more to it than that | |
| 81 | >You think back to when Anon first arrived in Equestria | |
| 82 | >With that deep voice of his and his, uhhhh, 'entrepreneurial' attitude, you found yourself... wanting more. | |
| 83 | >You knew he had to be yours. So you started acting tough around him (The traditional method of gryphon courtship, obviously) | |
| 84 | >Soon enough he approached you with a business offer, and since then, it's taken every ounce of your strength to resist pinning him down and rocking his cock | |
| 85 | >Every time he bounces one of your insults back at you, you feel it between your legs | |
| 86 | >Soon, Gilda, your chance will come. It's just like hunting, you just need to wait for the right time to pounce... | |
| 87 | ---- | |
| 88 | >Be Anon | |
| 89 | >Gilda's acting a bit nervous around you. Is it your attitude? | |
| 90 | >You're not really an asshole, you just put on an act | |
| 91 | >Actually that's not true. You do have anger issues. Lyra learned that this morning. | |
| 92 | >Mental note: give Gilda a bit of the good stuff after you're done for the day. | |
| 93 | >Speaking of which, You've seen most of your regular customers today. Rarity, Mr. Cake, Soarin, Colgate.... | |
| 94 | >Even Discord showed up ("And then, the sailors insist to Micromégas that the universe was created for them! Ahahah, Dude!" *hacking cough*)
| |
| 95 | But still... | |
| 96 | ||
| 97 | >But there's that one customer, that special friend of yours that hasn't showed up yet. | |
| 98 | "Gilda, we're done here today, but there's one more thing we need to do before we call it a night." | |
| 99 | >"What's that, Mr. Anon?" | |
| 100 | >God, she must be terrified of you, the way she's staring into your eyes. | |
| 101 | "We need to do, um... collections. There's one customer that promised she'd pay me 350 bits today, but she didn't visit us." | |
| 102 | >You stare into her eyes. | |
| 103 | >"D-d-Dash? That lame-o?" | |
| 104 | >You glare at her | |
| 105 | >"s-sir..." | |
| 106 | "No, catbutt, she's into shooting steroids with Spitfire. Fucking lunatics. I'm talking about Vinyl Scratch. Bitch thinks living the washed up brostep DJ lifestyle will pay the bills." | |
| 107 | >"So we go to her house and convince her to... part with her 'hard earned' earnings." | |
| 108 | "Wow Gilda, maybe you're not completely retarded." | |
| 109 | >She visibly winced and shuddered at that last line. Are you really being too mean to her? | |
| 110 | "Don't think about it too hard, just follow me." | |
| 111 | >While strolling to the tepid cesspool that is Vinyl's apartment, you notice Gilda is walking funny, like her hind legs hurt. | |
| 112 | >That's strange. But that Catbutt, goddamn | |
| 113 | >You would waste no time pinning her down and pounding her in the middle of the street | |
| 114 | >If only you knew how'd she react. | |
| 115 | ||
| 116 | >Finally you arrive at the shittiest looking crack shack known to equine-kind | |
| 117 | >You hear a noise that sounds like bricks in a washing machine | |
| 118 | "Don't say anything, just wedge a paw in the door when she opens it." | |
| 119 | >You knock | |
| 120 | >You hear the sound stop, and a few agitated grumbles near the other side of the door | |
| 121 | >Wait, was that music- | |
| 122 | >"Octy, is that you?" The door opens to reveal a white unicorn with a nasty mop of a mane | |
| 123 | >She turns, and her white coat somehow turns even whiter as the blood drains from her face | |
| 124 | >"Oh Celestia, no, please!" | |
| 125 | "Good afternoon to you too, Vinyl. Where's my bits?" | |
| 126 | >"I'll have it when my next gig happens! I swear!" | |
| 127 | "I'm an impatient man, Vinyl," You turn to Gilda. "Now, my business partner and I see fit to help motivate you in practicing better financial management." | |
| 128 | >"don't come in, please, no!-" | |
| 129 | >She's cut off when Gilda charges into the hapless unicorn, carrying her all the way to the back wall, pinning her by the neck. | |
| 130 | >Gilda yells, "I got her! Go Search the rooms!" | |
| 131 | >Wait | |
| 132 | >Did she just give you an order? | |
| 133 | >Oh fuck, no. | |
| 134 | ||
| 135 | >You boil over with rage | |
| 136 | >fucking bitch | |
| 137 | "GILDA, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS" | |
| 138 | >She looks confused. Shocked, even. Your voice booms | |
| 139 | "HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO ADDRESS ME AS 'SIR', CATBUTT!?" | |
| 140 | >The two are stunned. | |
| 141 | "Now I need to punish both of you. Hmmm..." | |
| 142 | >Gilda starts trembling. "P-punish?" | |
| 143 | >How are you going to do this? You're a busy guy, time is precious | |
| 144 | >Suddenly an idea flashes across your mind | |
| 145 | >One wrought from the deepest recesses of your twisted mind | |
| 146 | >This will put both Vinyl and Gilda in their places | |
| 147 | >show them who's boss | |
| 148 | >You look around Vinyl's shithole of an apartment. Your gaze focuses on a wooden coffee table, seemingly untouched by the filth around it | |
| 149 | "So, do you happen to like this table, V? | |
| 150 | >"Th-That's my dad's table, he left me that when he died." | |
| 151 | >Good enough. | |
| 152 | >In one smooth motion, you grab Gilda by the neck and choke slam her into the table, letting out a pained breathless moan as the force of the impact cracks the coffee table clean in two | |
| 153 | >While Gilda lies stunned on the floor, you position yourself over her, ready to mash her face into chunky salsa | |
| 154 | >Hold on, something's not right | |
| 155 | >The way she's looking at you... | |
| 156 | >She's... wet? | |
| 157 | >really wet | |
| 158 | "Uhh, Gilda?" | |
| 159 | >"P-please!" | |
| 160 | ||
| 161 | "Give us a second Vinyl, I'll be right back to fuck your shit up." | |
| 162 | >She's too petrified with fear to say anything, or even move. | |
| 163 | >You step outside with Gilda. | |
| 164 | >She looks nervous | |
| 165 | "Gilda, what's going on?" | |
| 166 | >No response, but she's visibly shaking | |
| 167 | "Am I being too mean with you? I'm usually like this with all of my associates, but if you need me to tone it down, I could-" | |
| 168 | >She covers your mouth with her claw, looking like she's about to start tearing up | |
| 169 | >"Anon, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it," | |
| 170 | >Pause for effect | |
| 171 | >"I love you too!" | |
| 172 | >What | |
| 173 | >h | |
| 174 | >a | |
| 175 | >t | |
| 176 | >The nastiest, toughest, gryphon you know is crying uncontrollably in front of you... pouring her heart out? Like what? | |
| 177 | >shit, keep cool | |
| 178 | "Love? You've been giving me shit all day!" | |
| 179 | >"But... I've been flirting~" | |
| 180 | "Wait, how do gryphons court then, by being complete dicks to each other?" | |
| 181 | >"No, it's a... dominance thing. When you slammed me into that table, I knew I had found my m--mate." | |
| 182 | >You think a bit more | |
| 183 | "So when I was yelling at you, your feelings weren't hurt, you were..." | |
| 184 | >ohhhh. | |
| 185 | "Gilda, you realize a minute ago I was about to beat the shit out of you, right? Do you have -any- idea what a healthy relationship looks like?" | |
| 186 | >"You fucking dweeb, this is so simple. when a gryphon male overpowers his gryphoness, he earns the right to mate with her." | |
| 187 | >You don't understand any of this shit, but that's ok, because you have a neat fix for all of this. | |
| 188 | "Now Gilda, I don't normally date employees, but I think we could make an excep-." | |
| 189 | >She tackles you, sobbing. | |
| 190 | >She's holding you tight in her arms, somehow managing to kiss you, nuzzle you, and cry at the same time | |
| 191 | "Gilda, I swear this is the happiest day of my life -or something-, but can we save it for later? We need to deal with my freeloader 'customer'." | |
| 192 | >She gets off of you, wiping her tears. "What's the plan... sir?" | |
| 193 | "Just play along." You smile with an evil grin | |
| 194 | ||
| 195 | >You open the door and walk back into Vinyl's partially smashed living room | |
| 196 | >She's exactly where you left her, scared shitless. | |
| 197 | >You turn to Gilda, smile, nod, wink, and then drive your fist into her head, sending her flying across the room. | |
| 198 | >She crashes into a bookcase, arms sprawled as shit, cd's, vinyl records, and probably actual shit goes flying | |
| 199 | >She has no time to react, as you've already cleared the distance, and now you're on top of her. | |
| 200 | >And your pants are already off, because this is that kind of greentext. | |
| 201 | >"Nooo, my sikkk beatzz!" Vinyl screams. "What will I pretend to remix with now?" | |
| 202 | >You and your partner can't hear her protests | |
| 203 | >Instead, you're looking at each other, raging quasi-hateboner and all. | |
| 204 | >She's trembling | |
| 205 | >"Do it, dweeb" | |
| 206 | >You plunge into her depths, while Gilda can't help but scream in catharsis, loud enough to crack the window behind her | |
| 207 | "Don't give me orders, catbutt" | |
| 208 | >She's warm inside, and her walls grip you tight | |
| 209 | >Her eyes are rolling into the back of her head | |
| 210 | >Her juices are leaking in long strands as you demolish her butt | |
| 211 | >Next you focus on that crappy futon in the corner | |
| 212 | >You throw Gilda on the couch and pin her neck to the gauche faux-leather (Fake leather? Like, what the fuck is that?) | |
| 213 | >While you pound her from behind | |
| 214 | >Hard | |
| 215 | >She can't do anything but moan and scream in the throes of ecstasy, while her talons shred Vinyl's futon into smithereens | |
| 216 | >"Noooo, that's Octy's futon!" | |
| 217 | ||
| 218 | >You and Gilda are almost done smashing up Vinyl's shit | |
| 219 | >And you're both close to finishing as well | |
| 220 | >But we need to make this special, ya know? | |
| 221 | >You pick your rough lover up, and carry her across the room | |
| 222 | >You set her down on a fancy looking piece of equipment | |
| 223 | >"No, that's my vintage Roland TB-303!" | |
| 224 | >Apparently the portal to equestria also imports vintage musical equipment like I don't fucking know | |
| 225 | >Time to drop this bass | |
| 226 | >You ignore her as you keep thrusting into Gilda | |
| 227 | >Her claws dig into your back, but you keep going | |
| 228 | >"Ahh! I'm close!" | |
| 229 | "Just hold on, G," | |
| 230 | >Suddenly, an idea. | |
| 231 | >As she nears her peak, you wrap your hands around her neck | |
| 232 | >Her pupils dilate as you cut off her airway | |
| 233 | >Gilda instinctively tries to screech as her body flails in pleasure, but no sound comes out | |
| 234 | >You bend over her, your seed filling her womb while her claws dig into your back | |
| 235 | >A little bit leaks onto the 303, small electrical pops make puffs of smoke as the fluid short-circuits the machine | |
| 236 | >"NOOOOOO!" | |
| 237 | >Vinyl collapses to the ground, distraught, lost somewhere in the depths of her own misery. | |
| 238 | >You let go of Gilda | |
| 239 | >She also collapses to the floor, breathing heavily as she comes down from her mind-numbing orgasm | |
| 240 | ||
| 241 | >A few minutes later | |
| 242 | "Nice seeing you V, we hoped you learned a lesson today!" | |
| 243 | >Vinyl doesn’t respond as you leave the apartment | |
| 244 | >She's sprawled over the destroyed 303, wailing in despair | |
| 245 | >Oh well, fuck her. | |
| 246 | >You're too busy focusing on your new partner, who is gently nuzzling you as you carry her out into the street | |
| 247 | >Something about her hind legs being too sore to walk on | |
| 248 | >A soft wind blows on the cool dusk air | |
| 249 | "So Gilda, how was your first day on the job?" | |
| 250 | >"Hmmmm, I liked it. I won't forget it anytime soon." | |
| 251 | "Actually Gilda, I was so impressed with your performance, I'm bumping you up to co-owner." | |
| 252 | >"Whatever, dweeb." | |
| 253 | >You scowl at her | |
| 254 | >"Fine, sir." she pauses. "Wait, I can give you orders now!" | |
| 255 | "No way Gilda," you say. "I'm still the founder, and your boss: you know that, right catbutt?" | |
| 256 | >She grins. "You do know gryphons mate for life, right?" | |
| 257 | >You freeze in terror | |
| 258 | >Fuck, you knew that! | |
| 259 | >She's played your emotions like a poker hand, and now you're the sub! | |
| 260 | >Was this her plan the whole time? | |
| 261 | >She gently caresses your face, smiling softly. "Don't worry, we can sleep at your place tonight, and think up names for our little eaglets." | |
| 262 | >You gulp | |
| 263 | >You had always known that a dark fate awaits all those who walk the twisted path of drug trafficking | |
| 264 | >But this particular dark fate? | |
| 265 | >You could get used to this. | |
| 266 | ||
| 267 | >And then Anon and Gilda went home and fucked each others brains out. |