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 >You are Celestia, Diarch of Equestria, Princess of the Sun, and the most powerful mare on Equus.
 >Yet, you felt dread as you walked through the snow that covered the royal gardens.
 >You approached the lone figure that sat upon a rock, smoking a cigarette as he gazed at the night sky.
 >He did not give you any sign that he saw your approach, and your ears lay back against your head as you sit before him.
 "Anonymous... I-"
 >You stop yourself to collect your feelings, the stone in your gut growing beyond your control.
 "I'm sorry, I never should have done it."
 >The green skinned human finally met your eyes as he took a long drag.
 >"Done what."
 >It was not a question, he was demanding you to say it.
 >Not even Discord dared demand things of you, but you felt no anger.
 >No, remorse was all that filled your heart as you fought back the tears.
 "I... I can't sa-"
 >"Say it."
 >His voice was firm, but devoid of emotion.
 >Under the indifferent gaze he gave you, you squirmed.
 "Im sorry for... Cheating on you."
 >"Is that all?"
 >The tears were flowing now, damn yourself for not being able to hold them back.
 >You open your mouth to answer, but no words come out.
 >You choke on a sob as you lower your head to the ground and begin weeping.
 >You hear him walk before you as you sob, and he lifts your face to meet his with a finger.
 >Your eyes meet again, and you try to shy away from his gaze.
 >A hand stops you, as his other reaches for the cigarette.
 >"It's a little late for all this. And you should really stop wearing the wedding band."
 >He places the cigarette between your lips before looking up at something.
 >"Tia? What art thou doing out here?"
 >You turn your head to look behind you, breaking free from Anonymous's grasp.
 "Luna, I-"
 >"Damnit Tia, thou had better not start smoking now too."
 "No, Luna I was-"
 >"Come inside sister, it's too cold out tonight. You need to get to bed as well, you have a big day tomorrow."
 >You look back at where Anonymous was a moment before, to be met with only the lonesome sight of the stone before you.
 >Luna sighs as she trots beside you and nudges you to stand with her snout.
 >"Sister come on, it hath been months since he died."
 >The cigarette falls into the snow as you resume sobbing before your husband's grave.
 
 >As you sat on your throne, attending to Day-Court you silently thanked your sister for another night without dreams.
 >They were almost the worst part of all this, the haunting memories that would flood your mind as you slept.
 >"Y-your majesty?"
 >You jump slightly as the stallion that stood before the throne spoke up.
 "My apologies my little pony, my mind drifted there for a moment."
 >"No worries princess, do you have an answer?"
 "To what? I apologize, I missed the last half of what you were saying."
 >The stallion rubbed the back of his head as if he did not want to say it again.
 >"Prince Rakib of Saddle Arabia sent a message requesting to visit Canterlot for a week."
 >Your eyes darkened but you managed to keep your composure.
 >The stallion shared a nervous glance with one of the guards.
 >"Shall I send a message to turn him away?"
 "No, that will cause unnecessary stress between our nations...
 >You clench your wings against your body as you steele yourself.
 "Send word that he is welcome."
 >The ponies attending Day-Court whispered amongst themselves at this, only hushing when you stood up.
 >You loved your little ponies, but they could all use a lesson on manners.
 "Day-Court is dismissed, if you have further business it can be taken up with my sister at Night-Court."
 >The ponies who had not yet gotten the opportunity to speak muttered as they left.
 >Soon only the guards stood in the courtroom with you, but as you nodded to one they too left you alone.
 >You looked to the vacant throne next to your own, and hung your head slightly.
 "Why now? This is the last thing I need."
 >You were going to have to hand Rakib carefully.
 >The last time was bad enough, Cadence still would not answer any of your letters.
 >You looked up at the specter of your late husband who silently watched you all morning as you held court.
 "I swear I did not plan this."
 >Anonymous did not answer, he merely stared and smoked.
 >The door slowly opened, obscuring your view of Anonymous.
 >"Tia? Who art thou talking to?"
 >Luna entered the throne room with a worried look on her face.
 "I was just... Talking to myself."
 >Luna frowned and gave you a look.
 >"Sister, I fear for you. All you do anymore is sulk and talk to yourself."
 >You sigh, before composing yourself and giving your sister you best smile.
 "I'm fine Luna, really. I just, got some bad news."
 >Luna raises an eyebrow as she scrutinizes you.
 "Rakib is coming for a visit to Canterlot."
 >The look in her eyes is all the warning you need to ready yourself for the Royal Canterlot Voice.
 >"THAT KNAVE DARE?!"
 "Luna please, we can't risk diplomatic ties over personal feelings."
 >"That foal should know better!"
 >Luna's voice was filled with venom as she stamped a hoof on the floor.
 "Luna... He-, no do not blame him. Anonymous's death was my fault. I should have known better."
 >Luna opened her mouth to continue but stopped as you raised a wing to silence her.
 >The two of you stood in silence before Luna finally spoke in a calmer voice.
 >"I fear for thine mind Tia, thou already stare off into space often. I fear this may agitate things.
 >You pull Luna into a hug and close your eyes.
 "Do you still not believe me, that he haunts me?"
 >Luna squeezes you tight before letting go and stepping back to meet you eye to eye.
 >"Sister, there art no such things as ghosts.
 >You nod your head in defeat at the look of concern Luna had for you.
 >Your gaze drifts past her to the human who watched you, his eyes locked with yours.
 
 >You gaze into the mirror, large bags now evident under your eyes as you wipe your makeup off.
 >Even without dreaming, your sleep it troubled.
 >You remove your jewelry, and kick off your shoes into a neat pile beside your dresser.
 >Your horn glows to remove the wedding band from it, but you stop before actually committing to the act.
 >You once again find yourself unable to remove the last piece of your husband you have left, the only sign of the love the two of you once shared.
 "I'm pathetic."
 >You trot over to the bed you once shared with him mere months before.
 >As you cover yourself with the sheets you pull a pillow against your chest, where he always liked to sleep.
 >Soon you would drift off to sleep, and Luna would separate your dream from you.
 >The exhaustion you felt made for a quick trip to the land of dreams.
 >A smell invades your nose, breaking you from the soft embarrass of slumber.
 >A smell that had weeks ago finally faded away from the pillow you hugged so close.
 "Anon?"
 >Darkness was all that answered you as you opened your eyes and looked about your personal chamber.
 "Hello? Is anypony there? Luna?"
 >You felt a hand run through your mane, stroking it gently like he used to.
 >You froze, unable to move lest you wake up or find it to be real.
 >The stroking through your hair continued, the gesture that once calmed you after a long day now causing you so much fear.
 "Why are you doing this to me?"
 >Your words came out choked, and whispered.
 >"Because I love you."
 >It was the worst answer you could have ever hoped for.
 >If he said it was to torment you, or because he hated you then it might be possible to move him out of your own heart.
 >The notion that he still loved you was like a knife twisting into your soul.
 "Please forgive me."
 >The low rumble of his slow chuckle filled your ears as he caressed your ear with a finger.
 >"Asking me to do that is pointless."
 >A wet hand grasps your shoulder and rolls you over to face him, allowing you to see him sitting on the edge of your bed.
 >His clothes were singed, and there was a hole in his chest, yet he still gave you a sad smile.
 >"You haven't forgiven yourself for breaking my heart."
 >You lifted a hoof to touch his face, but before you could make contact with it the door to your bedroom burst open.
 >"Tia?! Art thou alright?"
 >You jump awake, finding yourself exactly where you had been when you fell asleep, pillow still pressed firmly against your chest.
 "Luna? Wha-"
 >Luna jumps over beside you and looks you over to make sure you are okay.
 >"I was unable to touch thine dreams sister, some fiend was able to block me and I feared the worst.
 >Luna freezes as she stares at something.
 >Following her gaze you look down at your shoulder, where a large splotch of crimson tarnished your pristine white fur.
 >There was a bloody hand print on your shoulder.
 
 >You stared out your bedroom window down upon the city of Canterlot.
 >You clould already see the procession of the prince of Saddle Arabia.
 >Last night's occurence hung heavily on your mind, as you absentmindedly rub the spot on your shoulder the hand print was on.
 >You had called off Day-Court, in light of the coming foreign royalty.
 >This left you to wait patiently in your chambers 'getting prepared to welcome Prince Rakib'.
 >In truth it was to collect yourself lest you inspire any more unease into your little ponies.
 "Anonymous? Please do not drag anypony else into this. It was my fault, nopony should suffer for my mistake."
 >The specter of your husband was nowhere to be seen however.
 >He came and went on his own accord, often not doing anything more than watching you silently.
 >You let out a weary sigh as you turn away from the procession of dancing camels and elephants that made their way through the streets of Canterlot.
 >You sat down by the fire, and thought of what to do.
 >You could not afford to cause any more bad blood between Equestria and Saddle Arabia.
 >Rakib was next in line to the throne, and likely to become the next sultan.
 >"Tia?"
 >You look up from your thoughts and allow yourself a small smile as your sister enters the room.
 >"It's time, thou should accompany us to the throne room to welcome our 'guest'."
 "Yes, I suppose we should."
 >You take one last look at yourself in your mirror before following Luna, for once glad you couldn't bring yourself from removing the wedding band around your horn.
 >At least with this you would have a decent enough excuse to turn down any advances Rakib made on you.
 
 >As you made your way through the halls, you noticed your ponies avoiding your gaze.
 >You knew what they whispered behind your back.
 >They insinuated rumors that you were merely inviting your lover back now that your husband was gone.
 >The truth no longer mattered to them, and you did not deserve their trust.
 >It did not matter that you saw your night of passion with Rakib as your second biggest blunder.
 >It did not matter that you only did it because you were in the middle of Estrus when Rakib made his advances.
 >But most of all, it did not matter that you publicly laid your heart bare on how much shame you felt over it all.
 >All that mattered was that you should have known better.
 >You were a grown mare, and not some stupid animal unable to handle her lust.
 >The ring weighed down upon you more than the crown ever did as you strode into the throne room.
 >You took your seat beside Luna to welcome the prince, and waited as a block of ice formed in your stomach.
 "Luna, I want you to keep quiet about last night."
 >Your sister glanced at you, until after a brief hesitation she nodded.
 >The door to your throne opened as the procession of Saddle Arabian entertainers ushered in their prince.
 >"Brighter than your sun and twice as beautiful. You are truly a sight for travel weary eyes Celestia."
 "Greetings Rakib, your arrival was on a slightly short notice. I apologize for not being able to prepare a proper welcome.
 >"I could not resist coming to see you any longer, what else can I say?"
 >"Thou hath brought quite the show to our doorstep."
 >Luna's comment was offered lightly enough, but Celestia knew her sister well enough to see the bite in it.
 "Sister..."
 >"It is customary for a prince to bring such a following when courting a fair mare."
 "Excuse me?"
 >You dropped all pretense of niceties immediately at that statement.
 >Rakib's eyes widened at the sharpness of your voice.
 >"By all means, forgive me. I did not mean to step over any boundaries here my lady."
 >You could not handle this right now, you needed to get out immediately.
 "Prince, if you would follow my maid to your room please. I apologize but I have an urgent matter to attend that came up with one of my subjects moments before you arrived."
 >Rakib bowed low and gracefully as he gave you a dazzling smile before following a maid to his temporary chambers.
 >You stood and made your way towards the balcony, your sister following closely behind you with a worried look on her face.
 >"Sister, where are you going?"
 "Anywhere else."
 >"Tia, was it not you that said we had to entertain him?"
 >You stop abruptly and eye the Saddle Arabians who were slowly leaving the throne room before answering Luna in a hushed voice.
 "If I don't calm down after the way he acted the very moment he arrived, we will have war to worry about."
 >Luna's face was grave as you flew off into the city from the balcony.
 
 >You did not return until late.
 >You spent your time sitting near a waterfall, calming yourself.
 >You used to sit with Anonymous there as he read his books and leaned against you.
 >You would trade the sun to have those moments back.
 >But now you needed to mare up and face what you brought upon yourself.
 >As you descended upon the balcony outside your personal chambers, you noticed that there were candles burning inside.
 >You hesitated before opening the door and entering, being greeted by the scent of candles burning.
 >"I was beginning to worry you would not show up."
 >Rakib's voice was playful and lighthearted.
 >Anonymouse sat in his chair by the fireplace, eyes focused on the prince.
 >You almost froze up.
 "What do you think you are doing here?!"
 >Your cry of indignation startled the prince, who jumped up from your bed where he lay.
 >"What is the problem?"
 "This is not alright!"
 >You were shouting now.
 >Rakib seemed flabbergasted by your response, which only brought more anger into your heart.
 >"Celestia my love, what is the problem? We can be together once more!"
 >Rakib talked like a husband trying to calm his wife, a tone you heard on occasion from the one who was sitting nearby.
 >Wait, he wasn't there anymore.
 >Rakib followed your eyes to the vacant stare, a look of confusion donning his face.
 >"Look celestia, I understand that there is a customary mourning period. But you no longer have to put on a show for your ponies. They will soon come to accept that we were meant to be!"
 >Rakib was doing his best to lay on the charm, his charisma surely had worked for him before.
 >But among the reasons they did not work on you now, the green human looming behind the prince was on the top of the list.
 "Anonymous"
 >You used a calming tone as you saw the daggers your husband was staring into the back of the stallion's head.
 >"Celestia please, do not sully your mouth with that barbaric ape's name."
 >Your gaze snapped from Anonymous to the prince, a fire in your eyes.
 "You dare?"
 >Your voice was quiet, like the calm before a storm.
 >"He was a beast, unfit to be with royalty like us."
 >Before he could react you struck.
 >Your gem studded shoes cut his cheek as you slapped him with all your strength.
 >Prince Rakib went down, mewling in pain as he backed away from you.
 "Do not test my patience any further Rakib. Anonymous is my husband, and I will not have you degrading his name.
 >Rakib's eyes flared with anger as he fought down the pain and shakily stood.
 >"You cannot be married to a dead beast Celestia."
 "Rakib!"
 >Your voice was bordering the Royal Canterlot as you gave you last warning.
 >"You were the one that killed him, I thought you were choosing me!"
 
 >You should not be doing this.
 >The shred of your rational mind you had left was screaming at you.
 >Your lust was louder however.
 >The Saddle Arabian prince and his advances caught you off guard and at the worst of times.
 >As he rutted you, you could do nothing but moan your pleasure.
 >You could only pray that your husband would be late like he said he would.
 >He had gone to help your niece Cadence with an experiment involving advanced crystal shaping.
 >The sound of keys being entered into the lock on your chamber door let you know the worst case had happened.
 >Rakib was quick to dismount you upon the door opening, you were not quick enough to hide your shame however.
 >Anonymous walked in to find you with your flank in the air, winking and panting with a strange stallion erect beside you.
 "Anon?"
 >Your voice was husky with lust, and your confusion evident.
 >"You dare?"
 >His voice was cold, and there was a darkness in his eyes you had not seen before.
 >That was all it took to break your mind free of the lust spell nature had worked on you.
 >Anonymous drew a sword of pure crystal from his hip, that you would later find was a gift cadence gave him in thanks for his help.
 >The green human, your human strode with the calm slow pace of death itself towards the stallion who was backing into the corner of your bed chamber.
 "Anon, honey please calm down."
 >"Oh I am calm."
 >There was murder in his voice as he advanced, flourishing the blade menacingly.
 >"Celestia, do something!"
 >Rakib was not helping matters, this only prompted Anon to lunge.
 >You tried to stop the crystal sword with your magic, but the blade slipped through your magical grasp like a hot knife through butter.
 >Rakib managed to squirm out of the way of Anonymous's lunge, but he was soon pinned as the human grasped him by the throat.
 
 "Darling! Please, I'm sorry! Do not do this though."
 >You tried in vain once more to grasp the blade, pouring more magic into trying to stop the crystal blade, finding that you now could also not keep a grip on your husband.
 "Anonymous, Stop!"
 >You fire one last desperate spell to stop the blade before it plunged into the young Saddle Arabian Prince.
 >This time, the spell found a chink the the sword's enchanted armor.
 >Instead of stopping the sword, it exploded.
 >Right in your husband's face.
 >The sound akin to a chandelier falling filled the room and Anonymous was blasted back several feet, twisting and falling on his face.
 >Whether by fate or sheer luck, Rakib seemed untouched by the magical backlash.
 >Anonymous did not get up however.
 >Several minutes stretched on as you stared, waiting for your husband to rise from the floor and redouble his efforts to kill the prince.
 >He never did however.
 >As you strode over to where he lay, his face to the floor.
 "Anon?"
 >You rolled him over to see if he was fine.
 >He wasn't.
 >Blood poured from a hole in his chest, and he was badly burned.
 >You could see where several shards of the crystal weapon were lodged into his heart.
 >He had died almost instantly
 >A look of shock forever frozen on his face, his eyes wide with the remains of tears mingling with the blood that covered him.
 >You screamed.
 >Even as Rakib fled, and Guards rushed in, you did not stop screaming.
 >Even as Luna rushed to see what was wrong you did not stop weeping.
 >Even as you passed out, clutching your dead husband, You did not stop hating yourself.
 
 >You stared wordlessly at Rakib as he glared at you.
 >The memories that had flooded you fading as you shook your head, fighting down the tears.
 "Leave."
 >"What?"
 >The Saddle Arabian prince had an incredulous look on his face.
 >You did not doubt his pride was hurt, much more than the cut on his cheek.
 "Leave."
 >You restated, with a little more force in your voice.
 >Rakib frowned, and his brow furrowed.
 >"You honestly think that you can tease me on like this, and then leave me out in the cold?"
 "Rakib, if you do not leave right now I will finish what my husband started. War or not with your people!"
 >The prince flinched at the venom in your tone.
 >He looked as if he was going to say something, but as your horn began to glow he made up his mind to back down.
 >Even as hot headed as he was, he was not stupid enough to pick a fight with an Alicorn.
 >Watching him leave, slamming the door behind him, you allowed yourself to slide to the floor.
 >Your knees wobbled as you sat yourself down, and you pressed a hoof to your temple as you held in the tears.
 >You sat there for what felt like an hour, before you stood up and went over to your bed.
 >You grimaced down at the wrinkled sheets where the prince had lain minutes before.
 >You did not hesitate as you flung the mattress out through the balcony door.
 >You would have a maid clean the broken glass in the morning.
 >For now you just wanted it out of your sight.
 >You decided to sleep on the love seat tonight.
 
 >You had avoided this chair since Anonymous died, it had been the special place you two shared your evenings.
 >You used to rest your head in his lap as he read Twilight's reports to you.
 >Other times he would pick a book from the royal library and rub your ear as you slept against him.
 >Now you rest your head on a cold pillow, tucking your legs against you for warmth.
 >In minutes the pillow was soaked as your defenses crumbled under the weight your eyelids felt.
 "If only I could take it all back."
 >The soft sobbing started then, the slight shakes of your shoulders out of your control.
 "If I had been thinking more clearly, or if I had just stopped him with something else..."
 >You felt the familiar sensation of fingers rubbing between your ears.
 >"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'"
 >You slowly opened your eyes to see the black suit pants your husband always wore.
 >Your head was resting in his lap, and as you looked up you could see him leaning over you.
 "I don't think I can live without you."
 >It came out as a hoarse whisper, barely audible.
 >He stroked from your jaw to your chin affectionately.
 >"Do not say that, it hurts me more than any mortal wound."
 >You looked away in shame at this.
 "Can you at least stay with me like this?"
 >There was a small hope in your voice.
 >"No, you must let me go. I must move on."
 "But why?!"
 >You sat up and stared into his eyes.
 
 >His face held a sad smile as he wrapped his arms around your neck and pulled you into a familiar embrace.
 >"Because watching you do this to yourself is worse for me than any flame tartarus could offer."
 "Please, I will stop moping. If I can simply be with you that will be enough!"
 >There was an almost hysteric edge to your voice.
 >Anonymous merely ruffled your mane as he let go of you and sat back in the chair.
 >"If you won't do it yourself I will have to do it for you."
 >He reached for the ring on your horn, and you frantically tried to stop him.
 >Your attempts were in vain as your hooves merely passed through him as if he were composed of mist.
 >As he grasped the ring and slowly lifted it off you tried to pull your head out of his reach, but this only caused the ring to slide off all the quicker.
 >Anonymous was gone, you looked around frantically but he was nowhere to be seen.
 "No..."
 >A small clang brought your attention to the golden wedding band that bounced on the floor, rolling away from you.
 >You jumped after it, but as you touched it with you hoof, it burst into dust.
 >"I will always love you, but goodbye Celestia."
 >You pawed at the small pile of gold dust on the floor with a hollow look in your eyes.
 >You looked up as you heard the door open, and Luna strode in.
 >"Tia? Why art thou not asleep?"
 "He's gone."
 >"Yes, we saw Rakib leave a while ago. We guess thou told him off?"
 "No, Anonymous. H-he's gone..."
 >Luna glanced at the pile of gold dust on the floor, and then to your horn and gasped.
 >"Thine wedding band!"
 "H-he s-said..."
 >A tear landed in the dust, scattering some of it.
 "He said, goodbye."