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 THE DARKNESS
 
 "Okay, you know how this story starts. In the beginning... there wasn't [i]sh**.[/i] Literally! Nothing but [i]void[/i] and [i]darkness[/i]. *points finger at them* And [i]that's[/i] how The Darkness liked it. It wasn't until God decreed, 'Turn on the lights!' that things got [i]nasty[/i]. It started out small! A planet here, a... a sun there. You-you-you know. Next thing you know? There were [i]humans[/i] and [i]cows[/i] and-and-and [i]stuff[/i] runnin' all over the place. Needless to say, The Darkness was [i]pissed[/i]. From then 'til now, The Darkness... [i]tore[/i] its way through the world -- or, as this idiot admits, [i]worlds[/i] -- inhabiting one human host after another, [i]each[/i] thinking that they were its master. *shaking* But you can't [i]own[/i] The Darkness. The Darkness. Owns. [i]You[/i]. Fast-forward to one Jackie Estacado. You know his type: n-n-n-no family, no hope, no future. H-he ended up about what you'd expect: busting heads for the Franchetti [i]crime[/i] family. Life as a whole was... pretty dark for Jackie. Then came his twenty-first birthday, and-and things got a [i]whole[/i] lot darker. Y-y-you might think that inheriting superpowers would be pretty [i]cool[/i] for Jackie, and-and being in the business of killing people and all. And if not for the [i]demon[/i] living inside of him, you'd be right. (if someone interrupts, he'll shout "Focus!" then keep going) See, The Darkness didn't just make Jackie stronger. It-it made him a [i]god[/i]. But only when the lights were out. Next thing you know, the mob turns on Jackie. Marks him for death, just like that! It was the New York City mob versus Jackie... and The Darkness. But as dark as things were for Jackie, there [i]was[/i] a light in his life. And-and her name was Jenny. Now-now these kids, they went way back! I don't think anybody would disagree that they were [i]meant[/i] for each other. If anything? That's the real tragedy in all this. See, the mob is still after Jackie, and they thought the quickest way to get him was to take away hi-hi-hi-hi-his only reason for living. And with a bullet to her pretty little head, that's what they did. Killing Jenny was just about the [i]dumbest[/i] thing the mob coulda done. See, without her? Jackie not only had nothing left to live for: he had nothing left to [i]lose[/i]. As for The Darkness? Jackie's kept it locked away for years. But... it doesn't matter how hard he tries. No-one can hold back [i]the night.[/i] But don't get to thinking Jackie's a nice guy! You know the phrase 'the lesser of two evils?' Well it's a lie! Evil is [i]evil[/i]. Face it, we're not talking about [i]soda pop[/i] here. There is no [i]sugar-free[/i] option!"
 
 ==========
 
 THE ANGELUS
 
-[i]"Really, [b]that[/b]? Wow, okay, [b]sh**[/b], where do I start? What he got there is 'The First'. As you can guess by its name, this thing goes [i]was[/i] back. Like [i][b]way[/b][/i] back, to the beginning! Not sure what religions you two are, so I don't know if you remember the story of Cain and Abel, but here's the lowdown. Abel's like 'Oh, God loves me!' And Cain's like 'Jealousy! [b]WHAM[/b]!' And killed him! With [b]this[/b]! That's right -- he's the new proud owner of Murder Stick [b]#1[/b]! So... congrats, I guess. Now the story goes that God was so pissed he marked Cain, sent him walking the Earth forever, unable to die! But that's only half true. See, Cain brought murder into my world. Back when it was still [b]new[/b], and teeming with free-range [b]evil[/b]. This made him a target for certain dark influences -- [b]if[/b] you [b]catch[/b] my [b]emphasis[/b]. Even if Cain was a brother-murdering [b]jacka**[/b], God wasn't going to let The Darkness run a [b]train[/b] on him. So, he made Cain [b]unkillable[/b]. You know, The Darkness deals in death. If Cain couldn't [b]die[/b], The Darkness couldn't [b]take[/b] him. Not a bad move on God's part. But God doesn't hand out free prizes, especially not for murdering your [b]brother. So[/b], He set Cain to a [b]task[/b]: cleaning up all of that leftover darkness from before [b]creation[/b]. Unfortunately for Cain, 'unkillable' did not mean '[b]immortal[/b]'. N-now, there are two theories about what happened to Cain. The [b]first[/b] claims that he married his [b]sister[/b] and built a [b]house[/b]; a house where they lived until the day it collapsed, [b]killing[/b] him. And honesty [b]that's so f***ing boring I almost believe it.[/b] The second theory, however, claims Cain wandered the world for a hundred years, alone, armed with nothing but his [b]murder[/b] stick. That's how he went, fighting to rid my world of [b]darkness[/b]. And by all accounts, he was pretty good at it. Not that I'm surprised. I mean, this is the guy who invented murder, fratricide, and [b]hate[/b] crime all in one go. Obviously, he had talent. But talent won't get you very far against The Darkness. Cain had heard of a woman called the '[b]Sister[/b] of Light'. You know her as The Angelus. Cain tracked her down, seeking an ally against The Darkness. Thing [b]is[/b], The Angelus is one. Nasty. [b]b****[/b]. Real stickler for the rules. A hundred years couldn't remove the stench of Abel's blood, so when The Angelus got a whiff of Cain, she [b]burned him on the spot[/b]. *beat* Seeing as... how I'm holding a box of his ashes, I'm [i]inclined[/i] to believe the second theory."[/i]
+"Right, right. The Angelus is the [i]complete[/i] and total [i]opposite[/i] of The Darkness. You know how I said 'turn on the lights'? Its the light! A creature of pure light, but don't get yourself thinking its a good option either! Everything the Darkness [i]is[/i], The Angelus [i]isn't[/i]. The Darkness is... well... [i]dark[/i]. The Angelus is light. Darkness wants [i]chaos[/i], Angelus wants [i]order[/i]. Darkness needs a male host, Angelus needs a [i]female[/i]. (if one of them interrupts, funnier if its Cheryl: "Yeah, female! Do you want me to draw you a picture?! Moving on!") The Darkness and The Angelus have been fighting since.... since.... well, I don't know, but a real long time! Nobody's seen it for a while, since around World War II, and any Darkness host, of all people, should thank their lucky stars for that. If it kills with her weapons, you go [i]straight[/i] to Hell. No passing go, no collecting your two hundred bucks! Be lucky you don't have it, anymore, though I wouldn't doubt if whatever host went out trying to kill you anyway!"
 
 ==========
 
 AF AND HEMAH
 
 "O-oh, okay... Geez... First off? Holy [i]sh**[/i]! Second... do you know what these are? These are [i]Af[/i] and [i]Hemah[/i]. That ring any bells? No? Okay, let me put it this way. There are six Angels of Death. *nervous twitch and mumble* You are currently holding [i]two[/i] of them! Yeeeah. Their names, Af and Hemah, roughly translate to [i]'Wrath'[/i] and [i]'Anger'[/i]. *more nervous mumbling* It was on the seventh level of Heaven that God bound Af and Hemah with chains of [i]fire[/i] and [i]shadow[/i]. Which was no small feat, mind you. Th-these weren't your run-of-the-mill chubby cherubs. A-Af and Hemah were roughly the size of a large volcano and packed [i]ten times[/i] the firepower! Right, then again, God being God, I guess it really wasn't a fair fight. But whatever, I'm getting off topic. As the story goes, The Angelus asked God for a weapon to aid her war against The Darkness. God was in a giving mood that day, s-s-so he reforged Af and Hemah into the flames of [i]creation[/i]. Tempering them down into [i]blades[/i]. These, these, right here! Some say the angels are still alive within the blades, and I.... tend to agree. Try all you like, but you can't separate 'em. *twitch* Take only one out of this room and it might slip out of your hand, or you might drop dead of a stroke. You never know! But they will not be parted. We're talkin' peanut butter and jelly, ham and [i]cheese[/i] level of commitment here, man. [i]Somewhere[/i], somehow, Af and Hemah are still bound by the chains of fire and shadow."
 
 ===========
 
 CAIN OVERVIEW
 
 [i]"Really, [b]that[/b]? Wow, okay, [b]sh**[/b], where do I start? What he got there is 'The First'. As you can guess by its name, this thing goes [i]was[/i] back. Like [i][b]way[/b][/i] back, to the beginning! Not sure what religions you two are, so I don't know if you remember the story of Cain and Abel, but here's the lowdown. Abel's like 'Oh, God loves me!' And Cain's like 'Jealousy! [b]WHAM[/b]!' And killed him! With [b]this[/b]! That's right -- he's the new proud owner of Murder Stick [b]#1[/b]! So... congrats, I guess. Now the story goes that God was so pissed he marked Cain, sent him walking the Earth forever, unable to die! But that's only half true. See, Cain brought murder into my world. Back when it was still [b]new[/b], and teeming with free-range [b]evil[/b]. This made him a target for certain dark influences -- [b]if[/b] you [b]catch[/b] my [b]emphasis[/b]. Even if Cain was a brother-murdering [b]jacka**[/b], God wasn't going to let The Darkness run a [b]train[/b] on him. So, he made Cain [b]unkillable[/b]. You know, The Darkness deals in death. If Cain couldn't [b]die[/b], The Darkness couldn't [b]take[/b] him. Not a bad move on God's part. But God doesn't hand out free prizes, especially not for murdering your [b]brother. So[/b], He set Cain to a [b]task[/b]: cleaning up all of that leftover darkness from before [b]creation[/b]. Unfortunately for Cain, 'unkillable' did not mean '[b]immortal[/b]'. N-now, there are two theories about what happened to Cain. The [b]first[/b] claims that he married his [b]sister[/b] and built a [b]house[/b]; a house where they lived until the day it collapsed, [b]killing[/b] him. And honesty [b]that's so f***ing boring I almost believe it.[/b] The second theory, however, claims Cain wandered the world for a hundred years, alone, armed with nothing but his [b]murder[/b] stick. That's how he went, fighting to rid my world of [b]darkness[/b]. And by all accounts, he was pretty good at it. Not that I'm surprised. I mean, this is the guy who invented murder, fratricide, and [b]hate[/b] crime all in one go. Obviously, he had talent. But talent won't get you very far against The Darkness. Cain had heard of a woman called the '[b]Sister[/b] of Light'. You know her as The Angelus. Cain tracked her down, seeking an ally against The Darkness. Thing [b]is[/b], The Angelus is one. Nasty. [b]B****[/b]. Real stickler for the rules. A hundred years couldn't remove the stench of Abel's blood, so when The Angelus got a whiff of Cain, she [b]burned him on the spot[/b]. *beat* Seeing as... how I'm holding a box of his ashes, I'm [i]inclined[/i] to believe the second theory."[/i]