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 "Twenty fucking pounds?!"
 >El Dante, one of the many chefs in the kitchens at Canterlot castle, gives you a sour look
 >The kind of sour look that one can only give if they've gotten up far too early and were dealing with irritating people
 >To be fair this little horse here started work at like two in the morning
 >And you weren't going to lie and say that you weren't irritating from time to time
 >Hell, if you hadn't gotten up a five and if you didn't know how much the little fucker made you might have sympathised with him
 >But you did so tough cookies
 >If this little nigga didn't want to wake up early and deal with people then he could have gotten a later shift
 >"...Yes, Anon," Dante yawned. "Twenty pounds of blackberries."
 >They weren't just any kind of blackberries either
 >These were those big, juicy ones
 >The kind that were always sweet and never sour
 >Five big cartons of the delicious-looking fruit/nut/ whatever the fuck a blackberry was had greeted you when you had walked into the kitchens for some cereal this morning
 >Which should have fucking been impossible since every single little kitchen horse in the place had insisted that the kitchen didn't stock them
 >And since Chowder, the head chef, didn't like you very much because of... reasons you usually had to go to the market yourself to get your blackberry fix
 >Which SUCKED since you always had to beat the crowds and a fucking carton of blackberries wasn't cheap in Canterlot
 >But now not only did you not have to go to the market today you also could STUFF yourself with blackberries and there'd be plenty left
 >And boy were you going to eat these little fuckers
 >Even if you weren't supposed to
 >...Especially if you weren't supposed to
 "When the hell did you start getting this?!"
 >Walking over to the table you grab one of the cartons and popped a berry into your mouth
 >Hmmm
 >Sweet just like you thought they would be
 "I thought that you guys didn't stock these things."
 >Sighing and adjusting his adorable little chef's hat, Dante trotted over to you
 >"We got orders from up top that we needed to stock 'em permanently."
 >You tried to shovel a handful of blackberries into your mouth but Dante slapped your hand away with his magic
 "OW! FUCKER!"
 >Snatching the carton out of your hands he placed it back on the counter
 >"Go and wash your hands before you get your dirty paws all over these."
 "Hey!, there's nothing wrong with my fucking hands! And I'm just going to eat the whole thing anyway, so why don't you--"
 >Kitchen pony just raises an eyebrow and points at the sink
 >You glare at him, still shaking the pain out of your hand, before walking over and turning on the hot water
 >"Make sure to use the soap to your left," Dante called as he trotted away from you. "I'll get you your cereal while you're doing that."
 "Alright mom," you say with a roll of your eyes, reaching over and grabbing the soap
 >Fucking chefs and their hygienics...
 >There was nothing wrong with your hands
 >In fact you bet that they were the cleanest part of your fucking body!
 >As you wash your hands, grumbling all the while, you couldn't help but think on what Dante had said
 >These blackberries had been ordered 'from the top'
 >That meant one of the princesses had explicitly ordered all of these for some reason
 >You knew that Luna wasn't especially fond of these, which meant that either Princess Celestia had ordered these or they had been ordered for someone that was coming to the castle
 >If it was the second reason you were pretty sure you wouldn't be allowed to eat one of these you were sure
 >Which meant that Celestia had gotten them
 >Was she just hankering for some blackberries?
 >Or was something else a little more sinister happening?
 >Still washing your hands you looked over to the berries with a frown
 >Could...
 >Could she have poisoned them?
 >She might have known that you loved these things
 >In fact you were SURE that she knew you loved the things
 >The hateful little horse probably had ninja ponies stalking your every movement...
 >...
 >...
 >...
 >No one would probably say anything if you ate these and suddenly got sick...
 "...Hey Dante, you wouldn't happened to know why one of the princesses wanted these do ya?"
 >"Nope. She just came in the middle of the night and ordered us to get a ton of 'em. From what I heard from the other guys the Princess was acting REALLY weird too. Twitching and lookin' in all directions and shit."
 >Oh god
 >This was it
 >The Princess of the Sun had finally decided to whack you!
 >As calmly as you could you walked over to an empty pair of the counter
 >Looking forward you grabbed a stool and sat down
 >Hey, if you were gonna die today you may as well die with a full belly
 >"Hey! Give this to the monkey before you take that to Blueblood."
 >"Yes, sir! Right away sir!"
 >You perk up as a smallish white earth pony mare with a light pink mane trotted over to you with a glass of OJ, a bowl of sugary cereal, and a small carton of blackberries
 >When she noticed you looking over at her she stiffened, her eyebrows furrowing
 "Good mor--"
 >You couldn't help but jump as she dropped your food in front of you and turned away with a 'humph'
 "--ning..."
 >The mare just looked over her shoulder at you before making another disgusted noise, pointing her muzzle into the air and flicking her tail at your face
 >...Bitch
 >Making a face at the rude little servant horse, you grabbed a spoon and started shoveling cereal into your mouth
 "Dante, get over here for a second!" you yell through a mouthful of food
 >"Whadda want?"
 "Just get your furry little ass over here!"
 >From across the room you could hear Dante mutter complaints as he trotted over to you with a frown
 >"What?"
 >Taking a drink of your juice (hmmmm, juice) you smack your lips together and nudge your head over toward the little servant, who appeared to be trying to balance ten plates on her back
 "First off, fuck you for calling me a monkey you dirty little pack animal--"
 >"Shit flinger."
 >"Flea bitten cunt."
 >"Flat face."
 >...What's with ponies call your face flat?
 >Just because you didn't have a muzzle jutting out of your face didn't mean you had a flat face!
 >Andnotyouwereselfconscienceaboutit!!!
 " Hey; you mother loves me and her flat face. It lets her see my face better when she's sucking my dick."
 >Dante give you the pony equivalent of the finger--aka scrunching his snozzle at you-- while you grin and lean back
 "Now, who's the new blood over there?"
 >Dante's eyebrow raises as you nudge your head toward the mare
 >"Oh her? Yeah, apparently she just got hired this morning. Name's Sunny Skies or something like that..."
 >Sunny Skies?
 >That's a pretty name...
 "You have any idea why she gave me attitude coming over here? You piss in her wheaties or something?"
 >Dante shrugged as you shoved another spoonful of cereal into your mouth
 >"She's been peachy keen for everypony else in here."
 >He smirked
 >"Maybe she's just wondering why we're letting your giant flank sit at the counter?"
 >You look back over at this "Sunny Skies"
 >Though you could tell that she was trying to be discreet about it you could see her staring at you out from the corner of her eye every few seconds
 >Being the not-so-jolly green giant in a land of marshmallow midgets you weren't a stranger to stares
 >But the looks she was giving you weren't the usual "hey look kids it's an animal" brand of stares that you usually got
 >If you didn't know any better you'd say that she was looking at you suspiciously
 >Like she suspected that you were going to run over there and deck her or something
 >...Eh
 >Not today little horse
 >Not today
 >...Welp
 >It looked like there was another little horse in the castle that didn't like you all too much
 >With a little shrug you turn back to your breakfast
 "Hey, thanks for the grub, Dante."
 >Grumbling again chef pone pats you on the back back before turning away from you
 >"Hey, if I didn't feed you Princess Luna would drag me into that bedroom of hers and make me into a mare or something..."
 >Though it's pretty warm in the kitchen both you and Dante couldn't help but shiver at the thought
 >Luna would probably do it too
 >The fucked up little horse...
 >Your stomach rumbled, and you couldn't help but remember that you could have, maybe, just been poisoned
 >Night hoers might be able to do something about that...
 >She had that boner on her forehead that did all of that magic shit
 >Quickly finishing up your breakfast you bid Dante farewell and made your way to the nightmare cave
 >Once again ignoring and stepping over the "vampire ponies" you throw open the door--
 >"O-Oooh like that!"
 >"Yeah! Yeah! You like that don't you you dirty slut!"
 >...And you opened the door without knocking first...
 >Why the fuck did you do that?
 >...And why did those voices sound like two dudes?
 >Though common sense tells you to just close the door and come later the fact that you may or may not be poisoned forces you to step into the room and close the door behind you
 >You can hear the guards protesting but fuck that
 >You had a whole nother beast to deal with at the moment
 >Ugh...
 >You always pick just the best times to get poisoned don't you?
 >With each step you take into the room the sounds of pelvis hitting rump and moans and grunts becomes louder and clearer and more prevalent
 >Moans and grunts that seemed to only be coming from stallions you couldn't help but notice
 "...Luna? You in here?"
 >If you thought that you talking would ruin whatever fucking mood was going on you were sorely mistaken since the grunting and moaning only seemed to get louder
 >"Anon? Come in, come in!"
 >...Alright
 >Luna's talking
 >Which means she's not getting pounded in all holes like that one time...
 >In fact she doesn't sound like she's getting any at ALL...
 >Though you hesitate for a moment, morbid curiosity forces you to step into Luna's bedroom
 >Night hoers is lazily laying in her bed with a glass of red wine sitting beside her and fine cheeses on a silver plate sitting to her left
 >Right in front of her were two sweaty, glassy-eyed stallions
 >One had his ass in the air and his face in the carpet as the other slammed into him with reckless abandonment
 >"H-Harder! HARDER!"
 >"Yeah, you like that? Getting mounted like a mare? I bet you do you--"
 >...Jesus Christ
 >You just stand there and pinch the bridge of your nose as what is pretty much a sex scene happens in front of you
 >Taking a few deep breaths you try to collect yourself
 >You fucking fail harder than you've ever failed in your life because NOW you can smell the stank in the room
 >The horrible, cummy, musky, horsey stank
 >Then you walk over toward Luna
 >Night hoers turned her attention away from... whatever the fuck was going on and over to you
 >"Good morning, Anon," she chirped, taking a dainty sip of her wine
 >You don't say anything, you just sit down at the edge of her bed
 >Smiling, Luna crawled over and placed her head in your lap
 >"Pull my tail harder!"
 >"Celestia dammit are you TIGHT! I could pound this hole all day!"
 >You once again look over to the two stallions as you being to run your fingers through Luna's mane
 >The Princess of the Night lets out a pleased hum as you rethink your life and your decision in friends over the sounds of bro-on-bro actions
 >You know
 >What's fucking with you isn't that fact that Luna's spent god knows how long watching these stallions go at it
 >While she drinking wine and eating cheese like this is some sort of high class get together
 >It's the fact that you're not even all that bothered by this anymore
 >And that's not fucking okay
 >That's not fucking okay one little bit
 "...Why?"
 >"I was bored and decided to enjoy a little entertainment before I went to sleep," Luna said without missing a beat, her ears twitching as a particularly loud and wet slap fills the air
 "And your definition of entertainment is watching two guys plow each other?"
 >Luna lets out another hum, nuzzling a little more into your lap
 >"Barricade and Morning Star were happy to oblige when I asked. In fact they nearly broke down my door to get in here."
 >One of her eyes snapped open and she looked up at you with a smirk
 >"To tell you the truth I was just about to join in when you came barging. This show's getting me a little hot and bothered..."
 >You look over at the two stallions-- two stallions that were in the fucking guard and who you fucking knew personally by the fucking way
 "...But I thought that Barricade and Morning Star were gay-gay."
 >Barricade, the poundee, let out another lewd moan as his erect member twitched, firing a small spurt of cum onto the floor
 >And you don't even fucking flinch
 >...Goddammit
 >"Well, I don't know if you know this but I've been developing this spell that might make me grow a coc--"
 >Reaching down you clamp her mouth shut
 "Don't... just don't. Please."
 >Luna giggled, sticking her tongue out to try to lick your hand
 >Quickly pulling away so you don't get a handful of pony spit you frown while Luna closed her eyes
 >"So other enjoying my company what brings you to my room?"
 >Oh right
 >The whole 'you were poisoned' thing
 >You nearly forgot
 "Well... I don't know how to put this, Luna but... I think your sister might have poisoned me with blackberries."
 >The only sounds that could be heard were of two stallions making sweet, sweet love as Luna milled over what you said
 >Until, to your surprise, she giggled in delight
 >"So she got the blackberries did she?" she said, sounding very, very smug. "I KNEW it!"
 >What?
 "What?"
 >Yawning, Luna rolled onto her back--making sure not to stab you with her horn-- and stared up at you with a smile
 >"Never you mind that, my little human. You just confirmed a suspicion I had about my big sister."
 >Oh no
 >You didn't like that...
 "Why do I feel like this suspicion concerns me?"
 >"Because it does."
 "...Oh."
 >Scratching Luna's chest you just sit there and listen to Morning Star's dirty talk
 "...You're not going to tell me huh?"
 >"Nope."
 >...Okay then...
 "Mind explaining why aren't you gonna tell me?"
 >Luna just smiles as Morning Star begins to pick up the pace, his thrusting becoming clumsy and desperate
 >Cracking open an eye Barricade looks over to you
 >To your horror the little horse catches your eye, and for some reason you can't help but look into his eyes
 >But most importantly you can't bring yourself to look away
 >Oh no...
 >Nope
 >Nope
 >Don't you fucking do it
 >Don't--
 >With a final grunt Morning Star buried himself to the hilt and tensed
 >Barricade let out a loud moan
 >His knees nearly gave out, his cock twitched hard and you got a front row seat as he started cumming
 >And cumming
 >...And cumming...
 >"Did his eyes cross, Anon? I blinked."
 >...Fucking Lun--
 >Before you could finish your thought something particular caught your eye
 >Turning away as Barricade made of mess of the carpet you turned toward the balcony window
 >Though Luna usually had it covered it was bare today, which allowed you to see the gardens just outside of Luna's room
 >Like always, the gardens looked fine, great even
 >Except for the fact that someone was hiding in one of the rose bushes with a pair of binoculars
 >A pair of binoculars that were trained on you
 >...Wat
 "Wat?"
 >Why the hay did you have the royal gardeners plant so many rose bushes?
 >You get it, they looked immaculate and you were impressed that your little ponies managed to cut the bushes in your likeness
 >...In fact you should probably should see to it that your gardeners get a raise since they worked so HARD...
 >But rose bushes did not make a very good hiding spot!
 >They did not make a few good hiding spot at all!
 >But like any resourceful mare you had persevered
 >You KNEW that bucking stupid smelly butt would visit your sister right after he ate his breakfast
 >Probably to taint her further with his vileness no doubt
 >Look at what your dear sister has going on in that room of hers!
 >H-Having two big, s-strong stallions having their w-way with each other while s-she just sat there s-smiling...
 >...H-How was she a-abl--
 >"...Your majesty? Are you alright?
 "EEP!"
 >With a yelp you launch yourself into the air with a wing flap
 >OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!!!
 >ThornsTHORNSTHORNS!
 >WAIT!
 >YOUHAVETOGETBACKINTOTHEBUSH!
 >THEYMIGHTSEEYOU!
 >Forcing your wings to your sides you let your body plummet back to the earth
 >Only to remember that you were about to fall into the bush a--
 THUD
 "Oh bucking horse apples!"
 >With some thrashing, wiggling and more than a little colorful swearing you hopped out of the bush
 >... And fell right on your muzzle
 >Right in front of Green Hoof, one of your gardeners
 >"...Y-Your majesty?"
 >You crack open an eye to stare at the stallion
 >...Curd
 "Oh... hello my little pony," you lamely say. "Wonderful morning isn't it?"
 >Green Hoof nervously looks around, obviously wanting to disappear
 >"Y-Yeah, lovely day out today..."
 >You get to your hooves with a groan, wincing as you used your magic to pull out a thorn
 >O-Ow...
 >Clearing your throat you look around, doing your best NOT to look like you were in a lot of pain
 >Even though you kinda were...
 "The gardens are looking wonderful."
 >"Thank you, your highness."
 >Green Hoof looked at the ground
 >"We all do our best to maintain it."
 >The two of you kind of let the conversation die, neither of you knowing what to say
 >What could either of you even say in this situation?
 >You had just popped out of that bush screaming your head off with your rear covered in thorns!
 >That wasn't something that could be smoothed over with a little small talk!
 >And Green Hoof, the poor dear, wasn't going to ask what you were doing because he didn't want to embarrass you!
 >...
 >...
 >...
 >Wow...
 >This was getting awkward
 >Like really awkward...
 >Coughing, you smile
 "Well... I'd hate to keep you from your duties any longer..."
 >Twitching, Green Hoof nodded his head just a little too hard
 >"Yeah... I really need to get back to... other things."
 >Green Hoof turned away from you
 >"Have a good day your highness..."
 >Not knowing what else to do you wave your gardener farewell
 "You have a wonderful day as well, my subject!"
 >You were going to make this up to Green Hoof somehow
 >You didn't know how you were going to do it but you were going to do it!
 >...Bucking Anonymous...
 >If he wasn't such a b-butt and--
 >"HEY PEEPIN' TOM! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AND FUCK RIGHT OFF?"
 >With another epp you dive back into the bush
 >Horse apples!
 >That was Anonymous!
 >That butt must have seen you!
 >You had to get out of here!
 >You needed to disappear before he alerted Luna and she sent somepony to search for intruders!
 >Gottagofast!!!!